PatriciaVP

PatriciaVP: #TweetingMyRecovery 140 Characters is all I got

342 posts in this topic

Oooh..Oooh! Just thought of something else. If she asks me why I've been tapering so much more slowly than my pdoc recommended, I can tell tell her that last time I made a cut of less than one mgs, it made me very dizzy. Since I already have balance issues because of my cerebral palsy, risking a fall by making myself more dizzy with a bigger drop seemed like a dumb thing to do- especially with winter weather on the way. Don't want to end up back in her office with a broken bone, right? BOOM! Mic drop!

Perfecto!!

 

She will believe that in a heartbeat .

 

Let me know how it goes. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

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Thanks Frogie! I guess it's true. We do all "need" our meds, at least until we don't.

You can be sure I'll be back with an update. I just feel so much better having a plan in place before the appointment.

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Thanks Frogie! I guess it's true. We do all "need" our meds, at least until we don't.

You can be sure I'll be back with an update. I just feel so much better having a plan in place before the appointment.

I'm glad you do.

 

We all do need our meds until our bodies say we don't, not some dr.

 

Can't wait to hear about your appt! :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

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One week ago today, I reduced my Lexapro to 7.5 mgs, and another wave is crashing over me. The ability to relax through and accept the symptoms that I was so proud of myself for cultivating suddenly escapes me. Anxiety and dread are once again my unrelenting companions. Listening to relaxation recordings and watching television are the only things that bring me relief. That's OK. I'm fine with just doing what I have to to make it through this day. Relief is coming, all I have to do is hang on till it gets here.

 

I have my doctor tomorrow at which time I should get a refill for the 8 mgs. Should I go back up or should I just hold out at this dose? I know that if I hold out, it will all eventually subside. I just had so many things planned for the next couple of weeks. I kind of wanted to enjoy them.

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Hello Patricia from another Lexapro (and Xanax) victim.

 

I'm very familiar with how my acceptance and calmness seemingly disappear when hit by a wave. But they are still there and make a lot difference.

 

I personally don't updose. I really hope you are past the worst. It was a small reduction and I believe things should start improving soon and you can still enjoy the weeks to come as planned.

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Hi Bubble,

 

I will just hold where I am instead of updosing. I hope you're right and this wave will end soon. Today has been just actuality unrelenting anxiety. All I've been able to do is sleep and watch T.V. to escape it. It's been absolutely paralyzing.

 

Thanks for the good word.

 

PS. I couldn't tell by your signature. Are you still on a small dose of Lexapro?

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 Today has been just actuality unrelenting anxiety. All I've been able to do is sleep and watch T.V. to escape it. It's been absolutely paralyzing.

 

 

if it makes you feel any better, I'm having a very similar day (although not as severe anxiety) except I can't sleep to escape the anxiety- and I didn't change my dose at all recently :/

 

*sigh*

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Hi Patricia-- I'm sorry to hear that your last drop has hit you so hard. Luckily it should settle out soon.  From the reaction you had from the drop I think you would really benefit from trying the Brassmonkey Slide Method and spread the reduction over several weeks.  It would really help minimize the symptoms.  Are you using compounded doses or are you weighing them out yourself?  

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Oh, Cat. I'm sorry. You were doing so well, too. Holding your hand across cyberspace.

 

We can make it through this. I know we can. Just trying to see the symptoms as a sign of healing. My brain rearranging to make the future even brighter.

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please forgive me for high jacking your thread Patricia, but Brassmonkey  what is the Brassmonkey Slide Method??

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Hi Brassmonkey,

 

Fortunately, I've been able to get the liquid Lexapro for some time now, enabling stable dosing. I didn't actually intend to make my last reduction when I did. I was just trying to make what I had on hand last until my script was transferred from my psycho pdoc to my GP (see previous posts).

 

I do intend to use the slide method when I taper in the future, however.

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The Brassmonkey Slide, as described by the monkey himeslf: 

Being so sensitive, when you start to taper there is a variant of the 10% method that may make things easier on you.  It is called the Brassmonkey Slide Method.  Essentially it is dropping 2.5% a week for 4 weeks and then an additional 2 week hold.  this gives a drop of 10% over 6 weeks.  By dropping the smaller amounts you sorta sneak up on the symptoms and it seems to make them less severe.

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thank you KarenB, gonna copy and past that to my thread, although I'm not sure I can do 2.55 since I'm at such low doses as it is (0.15 twice a day) but anything that makes things easier is great in my book ;-)

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Went to see my GP today. My med provider had NOT sent her my records as I had requested three weeks ago. Surprise! Surprise! She agreed to give me a one month supply at 8 mgs/day. Didn't want to have to explain the 7.5 to her.

 

She said she didn't want to prescribe any more until she spoke with my other provider to see what kind of taper schedule he recommended. Almost busted out laughing. Taper schedule??!! Dumbass just wanted me to stop. Ok, didn't say that exactly. Just told her that the schedule he had in mind felt too aggressive to me. Explained about the dizziness/CP/ falling concern, and she seemed to get what I was saying.

 

Like I said, she called me in a prescription for the liquid at 8 mgs a day. Unfortunately, the pharmacy has to order it and it won't be in until tomorrow. I'm totally out. Took the last few drops last night. When I was at a really high dose I could skip a night and barely notice, I guess we'll see if that's changed.

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I'm so sorry you are having so much difficulties with getting the drug.

 

When I forget a dose I take it as soon as I remember it, even if it is close to the next dose which I take a bit later. That somehow makes more logic to me than skipping it and waiting for the next.

 

I hope you get hold of it soon.

 

I tried to fix my signature several times but it seems it's still understandable only to me :)

 

I've resumed my Lexapro taper in September after over 2 years of reducing Xanax. I can make only 2% drops at the moment and now I'm at 4.4 mg...

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Went to see my GP today. My med provider had NOT sent her my records as I had requested three weeks ago. Surprise! Surprise! She agreed to give me a one month supply at 8 mgs/day. Didn't want to have to explain the 7.5 to her.

She said she didn't want to prescribe any more until she spoke with my other provider to see what kind of taper schedule he recommended. Almost busted out laughing. Taper schedule??!! Dumbass just wanted me to stop. Ok, didn't say that exactly. Just told her that the schedule he had in mind felt too aggressive to me. Explained about the dizziness/CP/ falling concern, and she seemed to get what I was saying.

Like I said, she called me in a prescription for the liquid at 8 mgs a day. Unfortunately, the pharmacy has to order it and it won't be in until tomorrow. I'm totally out. Took the last few drops last night. When I was at a really high dose I could skip a night and barely notice, I guess we'll see if that's changed.

Hi Patricia VP:

 

Don't you just love Drs? Some of them you just want to ring their necks.

They do things on their time, not yours. I hope they get your records soon.

I'm glad she at least called you in a months worth. Sorry you have to wait for it.

How did that go? Hopefully you had a fairly easy time.

Thinking of you...

Take care,

Frogie xx

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Local pharmacy finally told me yesterday that they do not carry the Liquid Lexapro and can't get it. So I called my doctor to get them to order it from the mail away pharmacy which I know carries it. That means, however, I have to wait several more days, even with the "rush" order. I've already gone two days without it and am experiencing extreme anxiety, akathesia, racing thoughts, etc. I'm trying to just accept the symptoms and relax through them, but that is proving to be more and more challenging with each passing moment.

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oh (((Patricia))) I am so sorry! what a mess. Do you have a Rite Aid near you, they can get it, that's where I get mine.

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I'm so sorry Patricia!

 

I hope you can get it fast. :)

 

Like Catnapt said try Rite Aid?

 

I hope you feel getter fast!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

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Couldn't you just get regular pills and make the liquid yourself?

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It was Rite Aid that said they didn't carry it. The order for the liquid is in to Express Scripts. I should have it by Monday.

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It was Rite Aid that said they didn't carry it. The order for the liquid is in to Express Scripts. I should have it by Monday.

oh wow, the Rite Aid on McGregor in Manchester can get it. I wonder why your local Rite Aid can't.... I better check with mine and see if they still carry it :/

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Hi PatriciaVP:

 

I'm so sorry you have to wait so long.

We only have a small pharmacy where I live and I think I have to order everything.

Hopefully they will continue the liquid Lexapro, I'm just starting it.

Can you disolve a tablet until you get it? Or could they give you a couple tablets?

I hope you get it soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

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Checked the website for Express Scripts and it was not showing any scripts on order for me. Got so upset, ended up wailing for hours. Thoughts uncontrollably going to very dark places. Finally able to use some self-soothing techniques, but it took a while to get there. Someone suggested I go to the hospital, and I had to have someone else get her away from me.

 

Order should have been placed on Friday. It's probably fine, just not showing up on the site yet, but I obviously won't be getting it tomorrow. I should call Dr about alternatives, but the thought of trying to communicate on the phone feels so overwhelming right now. If I knew for sure it was coming and when it would be much easier to hold out.

 

I just need to calm down and make some phone calls, but I don't feel like I can.

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Checked the website for Express Scripts and it was not showing any scripts on order for me. Got so upset, ended up wailing for hours. Thoughts uncontrollably going to very dark places. Finally able to use some self-soothing techniques, but it took a while to get there. Someone suggested I go to the hospital, and I had to have someone else get her away from me.

 

Order should have been placed on Friday. It's probably fine, just not showing up on the site yet, but I obviously won't be getting it tomorrow. I should call Dr about alternatives, but the thought of trying to communicate on the phone feels so overwhelming right now. If I knew for sure it was coming and when it would be much easier to hold out.

 

I just need to calm down and make some phone calls, but I don't feel like I can.

I'm so sorry you are going through this I can give you (((HUGS))) and hope everything works out for you  :)

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Thanks Frogieq

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Thanks Frogieq

Anytime.  :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

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In desperation I started searching all over the house thinking I might come across some pills that I had stashed for an emergency. I used to do that just to make sure I didn't run out. I ended up using these stashes several times before and was pretty sure I had used them up. I actually found a bottle of the liquid. Don't even remember stashing that one away.

 

Thanks to all who have kept up with me during this difficult time especially Cat, Frogie and Bubble. Now I feel better prepared to make all the calls I need to keep it coming.

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In desperation I started searching all over the house thinking I might come across some pills that I had stashed for an emergency. I used to do that just to make sure I didn't run out. I ended up using these stashes several times before and was pretty sure I had used them up. I actually found a bottle of the liquid. Don't even remember stashing that one away.

Thanks to all who have kept up with me during this difficult time especially Cat, Frogie and Bubble. Now I feel better prepared to make all the calls I need to keep it coming.

I'm sooo glad you found some. Now you can at least function. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

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oh that's great news Patricia!! I am so glad you had an emergency 'spare', whew!
I hope your calls go well and that you are able to get your refills without too much trouble

;-)

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Restarted the 7.5 mgs last night, and I feel much better this morning. Wouldn't be surprised if that was mostly placebo, however. I do have really bad diarrhea now and wondering if that's related to the reinstatement or the white chocolate nonpareils I had yesterday. Didn't think I had that many.

 

Anyway, thankful to be feeling so much closer to withdrawal normal even if it is "just in my head".

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The musician Sting wrote the song "They Dance Alone" as a protest song for the people of Chile whose dictator, Augusto Pinochet was responsible for the deaths of thousands of his countrymen during his reign.

 

If our dictator is poisonous psychoactive medication, then our countrymen are the hundreds of thousands who have died from side effects or withdrawal.

 

Perhaps this will bring hope to others as it has for me.

 

One day we'll dance on their graves

One day we'll sing our freedom

One day we'll laugh in our joy

And we'll dance

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Had to go grocery shopping today. My husband usually done it for me, but was unable to this week. As I looked at the relatively short list I felt so overwhelmed I almost had a panic attack.

 

I am writing this so that when this is over and I am fully healed, I can read it and laugh.

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Had to go grocery shopping today. My husband usually done it for me, but was unable to this week. As I looked at the relatively short list I felt so overwhelmed I almost had a panic attack.

I am writing this so that when this is over and I am fully healed, I can read it and laugh.

I know exactly how you felt!

 

My fiancé wanted me to go last sat, so I went. Two carts later, I wanted out of the store. I lost him in the store a couple of times.

 

I was soooo glad to be home. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

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I feel so awful today. I guess depressed would be the right word. I have no appetite or gumption to do anything. Dirty dishes mock me from the sink as I stare at Netflix all day. Just walked my dog a few hundred feet and it wiped me out. I'm trying not to go down the avenue of feeling useless and worthless because I know what a dark place that goes to, but it's so hard to stay away. Hence the TV trying to distract myself. Wish I could do something useful like cleaning to distract myself, but I know if I run into the slightest frustration it'll be a disaster.

 

Been alone all day. Won't be anyone home until 8. My husband is going from work to a wake. Would've gone with him, but I thought I had to pick my daughter up from college this afternoon. Was looking forward to taking her out to dinner. Turns out she can't leave until tomorrow and her boyfriend's bringing her home. So there went my reason to shower and dress.

 

Also started my period which I'm sure isn't helping. I know this is all withdrawal, and it will pass, but why does my brain seem so help bent on telling me otherwise?

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Still feel awful today. Menstrual cramps, nausea, but so agitated I can't rest. Racing thoughts, ruminations, weeping. I'd love to just swallow a pill and escape into blissful sleep, but of course that's kind of how I got here.

 

Snow's coming down at a good clip. Soon I'll have to go clear the cars and move them for the plow. Happy for something to do, but dreading the possibility that it might be frustrating. Can't seem to handle the slightest frustration so that really narrows down what I can do to take my mind off the negative emotions.

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