DaddyCee

☼ DaddyCee: It's me

136 posts in this topic

Hello Everyone,

This is for Fresh, who has coerced me in to finally starting my own forum thread which I will add to over time.

 

Please pull up a chair, sit down and may be get a hot drink and let me begin.

History

 

In a galaxy.. far far away.... oh no that's not it.

 

Ah this is it.......

 

I was holidaying in Italy and got a bit too much sun one day, which meant that I got a pretty servere case of heat / sun stroke. I was unable to sleep for days on end as the slightest noise would jar me awake. I was also unable to eat properly at this time and had a bad stomach, which I believe was all brought on by the sun episode. I remember having a feeling that there was a black cloud above my right eye all of the time. I started to get depressed and felt myself getting lower and lower. Until one morning a few days after the incident, I had an ice cold shower.  This bought on my first ever panic attack. I first had a feeling of buzzing in my head and then my muscles in my legs and hands started to contract. I now know this is caused by hyperventilation.  An ambulance was called and I was taken to the ER in an Italian hospital where I was given Valium to calm me down.

When I came round the black cloud had disappeared. (never to return.... well at least thus far).

 

I was sent home and told to take liquid Valium twice a day for 3 further days. My holiday was coming to an end and this would see me through until I was on the flight home. I slept like a baby and felt wonderful when awake. I thought the whole episode was over, but little did I know that the big change in my life was just starting.

 

I came home and was fine for 24 hours. I went to the cinema to watch the movie "Twister" and it was whilst the film was at one of it's high tension moments that I experienced my second panic attack, it was nowhere near as bad as my first but it affected me for the next couple of days as once again I lost my appetite.

 

I started a new job and this put me in to another tailspin, and it seemed as though panic and anxiety ruled my life for the next 8 months or so. I was put on a short course of betablockers, but they didn't do anything. I can't remember the name of that particular medicine.

 

I finally saw a GP and was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression, I can honestly say that other than the depressive episode whilst on holiday I have never felt depressed in my life. Yes I have had blue days but never what I now think as depression. I was prescribed Seroxat 10mg once a day. Which I started to take in the morning. Early issues involved initial panic attack when first staring the meds and then suicidal ideation which I had never experienced before.

 

I was concerned and spoke to a GP who then prescribed Diazepan to help me "get on to the drug", a strange phrase and if I'd realised at that time what these things were doing then I would have stopped taking them.  It took approximately 2 - 4 weeks for me to start to feel relief and during this time I felt the meds entering every organ in my body or at least that's what I swear I felt. I even got in to a stage where I felt myself rocking back and forth but this only lasted a day or so.

 

Anyway after 4 weeks I was better and over the course of a few months I started to feel "normal" (whatever that may be). I stayed on the meds for a few years before attempting to wean / taper myself off, but this was very shortlived as the symptoms soon appeared. Of course the GP said.... "that the original condition was coming back" and "you need to go back on the meds". So like a good patient always does, they follow the doctors orders, because after all, they know what is right for you, right?

 

So I think I was on Seroxat for approximately 4 years and then started to experience what I now know as "poop-out", where the meds stopped working. So my GP moved me over to Escitalopram as it was a "easier" medication to contend with and would stop me feeling the SI's. Yes this was one of the side effects once the Seroxat had stopped working.

 

 

To be continued.....

 

Namaste.

 

DC.

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Hi  D.C.

 

Welcome.  LOL .  :)  You have been here a while.  

I'm pleased that you are sharing your journey.   It's a familiar story, and I look forward to part two. I'm sorry that you are going through this, as well.

 

Ali.   

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Welcome at last, Daddy Cee!

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Hi DC

 

Welcome to SA! Reading your thread rang so many bells with me.

 

Will look out for your next instalment.

 

Flowers xxx

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Welcome DaddyCee.   Sometimes a gentle request at an opportune moment is all that's required.   Thank you

for indulging my inquisitiveness and sharing.   

 

:D

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Thanks to all that have commented, it is really appreciated.

 

I have today received this from "Blooming Wellness" and I thought it appropriate to post.

 

"Please remember that the people who healed within a few weeks or months are out and

about having fun. Very few hang around, and understandably so. This is why the

Internet is not inundated with success stories from people who healed within a relatively

short period.

 

When you read the experiences of our friends who are currently in protracted

withdrawal turmoil, remember that it is possible to heal quickly.

 

I write this for those of you who are tapering or are in the first year of having completed

your taper. Please don't anticipate the worst. Wait to see how your story unfolds. I can't

tell you how many people freaked out, thinking they would be in withdrawal for "years

and years" only to get better by month 5, 9, 19, 21, etc.

 

I know some of you see success stories and then end up feeling worse because the

person had a long withdrawal. You think the same will happen to you. I know it's not

easy to endure the pain and other symptoms day after day, month after month.... with

no end in sight. Please don't lose heart. All the time that you are waiting, your healing is

taking place.

 

This is why there are people who have no "windows" and who end up healing

spontaneously, sometimes over just a few weeks or months. The healing was taking

place all along.

 

So, please.... see if you can let go of the anticipation, predictions, comparisons, fortune

telling and catastrophizing and just allow your recovery to unfold in the time and

sequence that is best for you and your resilient, self-healing nervous system.

If you are already in protracted withdrawal, please be reassured that even people who

take "years and years" to heal, do inevitably recover. That's the good thing about

withdrawal: no matter how long it seems to be taking, the time will come when the

symptoms will begin to disappear and the healing will become obvious.

 

So if you are feeling discouraged today, remember this. And see if you can find ways to

self-nurture and manage your time.

 

Please, please...  take time out from the Internet, even from this page. I can't begin to

tell you the obvious differences between the people in withdrawal who find healthy

distractions and those who spend most of their time comparing notes and constantly

analyzing their experience. It is not healthy and it is not the best way to cope.

Nature is a great healer.... bodies of water, mountains, parks, pets... If you are

housebound, you can do a feature corner with house plants, get a water feature...

something... anything!! :)  Gentle hugs. <3"

 

Namaste. DC x

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Great re-post - it helped me today.

 

Also thank you for posting on my thread today.

 

Healing from protracted SSRI withdrawal is quite a unique hell which we could never have conceived of or prepared for prior to being afflicted.

 

It is so easy to forget that healing is happening, yet it definitely is.

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awww thanks clearday.

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Yay, DaddyCee!  You're IN like Flynn!

 

I've enjoyed your positive influence around the site, and look forward to hearing the escitalopram chapter of the story...

 

I hope you see the sun (the lake, the moon, the stars, the music) today.

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Hi DaddyCee,

 

Great post.  Especially like "All the time that you are waiting, your healing is taking place."

 

I'd like to suggest that this post be put in Best of OR Self Care, somewhere where people are more likely to come across it.

 

CC

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Hi All.

 

I'm just checking in to say "Hi" and I hope you are all coping well in whatever stage you may be at.

 

I've had a rough few weeks, feeling low from time to time and the anxiety has been pretty high mainly linked to work stress. Oh how life would be simpler without such a thing..... or would it?

 

I've still got to write the next part of my journal, but don't have the time / inclination at this point, so apologies for that.  Hope you can relate / understand.

 

Any way peace and Namaste to all.

 

DC.

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Hi DaddyCee, hope your rough weeks smooth out soon. 

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Thank AprilShowers. This week hasn't been too bad.  I'm finding that I am getting teary when hearing powerful music, must be my emotions returning :)

 

DC.

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Hi, DaddyCee. Wishing you a good week. Getting teary while listening music, means you are really enjoying it. Music reaches your heart. I remember while on Paxil I did not had tears for the longest time, it was not good for sure... : )

                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Peace and Healing to you. Orchid-

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Hi Orchid1976.

 

Thanks for taking the time to look at my thread.  Yes I seem to think that when I was on ADs that I didn't become emotional very much if at all. I remember thinking to myself one day "why do I not feel tearful at this?" and didn't link it to the meds until now.

 

I hope you are doing well I see that you are meds free since June this year, well done :)

 

Namaste, DC.

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Hi Everyone,

 

Just checking in to see how y'all doing.  I'm considering my progress to be up and down at the moment. I put this down to the holiday season about to start. I always seem to struggle with this time of year. I never did pre-ssri years but during ssri and now since no longer on them it seems to be tough.  It's not as bad as the early stages of WD it is a more a niggling feeling and that constant wondering whether my original condition for what I was placed on these meds for is returning.  I know it isn't that, deep down, but your brain tells you all kinds of weird stuff when you are finally off from these meds.

 

Any way hope everyone is doing better than they were a few months ago. Hang in there we will all reach a stable and satisfying level soon.

 

Namaste, DC.

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Hi D.C .

 

This time of year comes with it's own challenges. W/D or not !  It's good to hear from you . Are you experiencing windows and waves ?  What are your ongoing symptoms now ? 

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Hi AliG, thanks for viewing my thread.

 

Yes I am getting waves and windows. A lot of my issues seems to be to do with work as when I am at home on weekends I do not suffer half as much.

 

Just a thought, where I work we have many GPS antennas and Wi-Fi. I am thinking that these radio frequencies might be messing with my brain. Has anyone else had issues when working / living within close proximity of these kind of electrical apparatus?  How would I prove this without a shadow of a doubt if I do not have the ability to turn them off?  I have two wi-fi routers in my home and don't seem to be affected by those, so perhaps my thought is just that and I am trying to put too much focus on the why I feel strange at times and should be focusing on the so what if I feel strange at times whilst in work.

 

Namaste, DC.

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Hi All.

 

I'm not sure how active I will be over the next week or so. Therefore I wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a pain free withdrawal New Year.  Healing will take place during 2016 for all of you, so keep positive and look forward to the new you.

 

Take care and Namaste.

 

DC.

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Wishing you a happy holiday season too DaddyCee :)

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Thanks Petunia. I hope your new year is going in the right direction.

 

DC.

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Hi, I just read the Blooming Wellness post you put up.

 

So, so, so excellent. 

 

Thank you!

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You are welcome rattledbytherush. I hope it helped you as much as it did me :)

 

Namaste. DC.

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Hi Everyone.

 

How y'all doing??

 

Still up and down for me at the moment. I'm sure it will break as the lighter nights start to draw back in.

 

Question - do any of you suffer with anxiety feelings both physical and mental when you are hungry?  I'm not sure if it relates to a sugar crash, but once I do get it, it take a couple of hours to subside.

 

Question 2 - do any of you that are tapering or fully off from ADs experience anxiety and again physical sensations when put under pressure either at work or to do with your family/home life?

 

Well if you can answer the 2 questions then that would be great.

 

Bye for now,

 

DC.

 

Namaste.

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Question - do any of you suffer with anxiety feelings both physical and mental when you are hungry?  I'm not sure if it relates to a sugar crash, but once I do get it, it take a couple of hours to subside.

 

 

Yes, absolutely! When I am hungry I get super irritable (or hangry), anxious, shaky, etc. Even my DR is worse.

 

Question 2 - do any of you that are tapering or fully off from ADs experience anxiety and again physical sensations when put under pressure either at work or to do with your family/home life?

 

 

Again, yes absolutely. I've recently gone back to work after five years and I've noticed I'm much less resilient to job stresses. I got an email from a miffed client and wanted to cry.  I didn't, but felt like I could. It just heightens my anxiety level in general, with more physical anxiety than mental.  I'll probably need to start practicing some daily relaxation exercises to counteract the stress.

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Hi Ladybug,

 

I notice that you are in the process of tapering, is that correct?

 

Sorry to hear you also are having these periods of suffering, it does get better I can assure you. I'm not fully recovered yet, hence the questions (which I really appreciate you answering).

 

It's good to hear that I am not the only one with these extended symptoms / issues.

 

Namaste, DC.

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Hi D.C.

In regard to your first question  : Perhaps, these symptoms could relate to Insulin resistance and /or hypoglycemia. ( blood sugar ) .   Anxiety, is one of the symptoms of hypoglycemia, and even though it's a W/D symptom , if it's coming on at that time, it could be relevant. I believe , the drugs totally mess with the whole insulin / sugar balance, and that is maybe what you're experiencing. ( That's just my theory .)  Others have experienced similar , though.  

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9126-low-blood-sugar-and-symptoms-withdrawal-hypoglycemia/

 

I think your second question relates to neuro - emotions. I think we have all experienced this. It's difficult and disconcerting. An unfortunate effect of the drugs , that can make life very difficult at times, to say the least .

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9809-neuro-emotions/

Ali

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Hi AliG.

 

Thank you for responding to my questions. I also believe that it is an Hypoglycemic issue. Safe to say I am not a Diabetic.  I will read the post about neuro-emotions.  I take it they do get better in time? or is it a case of learning to spot them and have processes to make them not so bad?

 

Cheers, DC.

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thanks again AliG - you will get there soon I'm sure :)

 

DC.

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Hi dc,I've just been browsing threads , and I see you have the hunger issue.

I've had this problem from the beginning, worse in a wave.

A lot of times I have to get out of bed to eat,very annoying.

And as you said I get physical anxiety and a real pain in my head. For me this is the most annoying symptom.

It's nice to know I'm not alone. even though I wish neither of us had it.

Does yours get better at anytime. ?

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Hi RR, thanks for popping by.

 

I have what I term "hungry days" with a pretty insaitiable appetite, though I try to eat healthy and not gorge on sweet, sugary foods. lol.

 

I find that sugary foods when I am susceptible have an un-nerving effect on my CNS which compounds the head pain / sensation. I also find that my job plays in to the feelings more, that is to say that I notice them more when I am at work as opposed to weekends or evenings when at home.  I believe this is because of the type of work I do and protracted withdrawal still being in effect.

 

I can say that it has got better, a lot better. I can remember times where not only when stressed did I have a blocked feeling in my head, but also I became extremely sensitive to sound and that would put my hackles up and make me look for the nearest exit.

 

How long have you been meds free? are you totally clean or are you taking supplements and over the counter meds?

 

DC.

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Hi dc , I've been off ad since November 2015.all I'm taking now is propranolol

40g initially for anxiety. I intend to taper this when I feel a bit better.

My hunger is definitely worse on bad days. I hope like yours, mine dies down.

Oh and I take mag for bed , my insomnia can be quite bad at times.

I also gave up caffeine, sugar and alcohol

All my favourite things.

Take care dc.

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RR,

 

The first 3 months were rough for me to be honest, the following 3 will probably be hard, but each time you experience a setback you will find that it isn't as bad as the previous one.  Of course we are all different and heal differently so your timeframe will differ from mine.

 

What is your insomnia periods like i.e. times that you fall asleep and then wake up?

 

Just remember the good days and don't pay any attention to the not such good days and you will make it through. Don't contemplate RI unless it is absolutely the last resort.

 

Namaste. DC.

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Hi dc,my sleeping pattern seems to be 1 good night, around 6 to 7 hrs,followed by a bad night 2 to 4 hrs .so a least I'm getting some sleep, but it either all or nothing. Yeah I'm not quite 3 months out yet,so I've got to dig in and wait for time to pass.

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Hey RR,

 

That's not a bad sleep regime.  I got hit at around 6 months where my sleep was 4 hours broken and not good quality.  I still wake at around 4am every morning, but thankfully I am able to turn over and get back off reasonably quickly. This morning I found it hard to get up at 6.45am which is late for me and also this is the first time that this has happened in over 2 years.  I'm always a punctual and early riser which I never used to be.  These meds certainly mess with your sleep cycle as well as other things as you are now becoming aware of.

 

I found that eating Brazil and Cashew nuts really helped with the strong SI when that hit at around 2 - 4 months.

 

As you know though, we are all different so what works for one may not necessarily work for another.

 

Have a great weekend and look forward to Summer it always makes a difference :)

 

DC.

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