☼ DaddyCee: It's me

[Pepita]

Hi DaddyCee, 

thank you for your kind words! I so needed to hear it from someone who went/is going through this. My friends and family are very loving and understanding - but some things, they just CAN´T possibly get (lucky them;)) 
The night was horrible but luckily the day has been OK so far. I am off Escitalopram for altogether 8 months. The WD symptoms only started about 6 months ago. I don´t know from where to count. 
On the really hard days it just seems so hard to remember that this is WD and not something else. Did you ever sometimes lose hope, strength and positivity? 

 

[Pepita]

and what where your symptoms in your rough days? 

[DaddyCee]

The symptoms, I felt low, loss of appetite, nauseous and light headed. I think I can contribute quite a lot to not drinking enough as my fluid intake, which I monitor on my Fitbit was considerably lower than the week previous.

 

Did I ever feel hopeless. I think yes I did at times but I always know that I am healing it is some kind of internal signal that says to me "you are healing".

 

8 months off and your WD started 2 months after your last pill.  That's good going in my eyes. If I remember correctly the first 6 months were hard and then it got better but I didn't really notice a good improvement until around month 9 / 10.  I got hit by WD after about 1 month from my last pill and it was sped on by unrealistic deadlines in my job which I had to contend with.

 

I do feel more alive now than when I was on the med. My wife often comments how she thought of me as being in a zombified state, even though I never saw / thought that when I was on them.

 

Do take care of yourself.

 

DC.

[Pepita]

That is interesting. You read that about many people. That they were "zombified" while being on the drug. I never had that. I did feel as "better" so to say.. in terms of: when I started, I was diagnosed with a burnout- so I did experience anxiety due to stress, sleeping troubles, loss of appetite, emotional

breakdowns.. when I started the medication nothing major changed for a view months (though even then I felt tons better than now in WD). then I got better but I also started intense therapy and I think that I got better because of that. I would experience "waves and windows" all the time- as well on medication. Maybe that was tolerance, I don't know.

 

Die the meds work for you?

 

it is really great that you feel this being sure that you're healing. I usually am but I have to admit that I find myself in doubt on the really bad days.

 

It's hard to accept that you deal with something that is not measurable.. or proofable.

 

anyway! My day got better at least in today:)

 

Do you know any other people in real life around you who have been dealing with ADs/WD?

[Pepita]

Hi DaddyCee, 

I just wanted to thank you for your book tipp. Yesterday I finished reading Paul David´s "At Last A Life" and it really brought some good new perspectives for me. 
It is generally what I try doing anyway, but it brings across some good points and gives a hopeful push again:) 

Hope you are doing well!

Best, 
Pepita

[DaddyCee]

That's really good to hear Pepita.

 

His follow up book reinforces some of the steps from the first so if you get chance to read that one as well it will also help.

 

Wishing you continued recovery.

DC.

[Kevroeques]

Hi D.C.!

 

I was browsing your thread and thought I'd address your questions regarding family and pressures at work and home life.

 

I had suffered a few years of panic disorder and resultant general anxiety prior to taking antidepressants and withdrawing.  One of the first things I'd noticed after my initial attacks and diagnosis is that even a slight bit of hunger would send me into sort of a fog and I would get weak/fatigued and shaky.  It scared the hell out of me because my paternal grandmother suffered from type 1 diabetes from a young age until her death in the 80's, and my brother was diagnosed with type 1 in the 90's (he was 14) after a long, horrible flu-like episode.  I feared the same was happening to me, but my blood/glucose levels were always stellar in testing.

 

Even if your anxiety has been brought on by antidepressant withdrawal, it tends to send your brain and body into an inward hypervigilance.  I don't have a deep understanding into how the brain and body work together through neurotransmission and signaling in regards to hunger and blood sugar, but I can tell you that it is just that: signaling of a chemical nature.  Anxiety has a way of fooling your body into thinking small changes that you have never noticed before are dangerous events, and tries to "prepare" the body by mimicking what it would do in the event you were in true danger- adjusting chemistry, mostly stress hormones such as epinephrine and cortisol, to amp you up in the event you need to escape harm. 

 

I still suffer the hunger problem, but since it was one of the many details of constant anxiety that I could control and talk myself out of, It has gotten better.  If your anxiety is a direct result of withdrawal, then I can promise you that it will subside with the anxiety as your symptoms level out and your body and brain regain equilibrium.  If you work closely with a doctor, get your blood tested to be sure, if only to bring comfort to the worry- but I can assure that what you mentioned has been a very normal part of my anxiety disorder.

 

Now, for the work/family situation: prior to taking antidepressants, I maintained working for over two years after my panic attacks started.  It was initially keeping me home, but after learning more about it I was able to continue working comfortably, even with almost daily panic attacks and heightened anxiety levels.  A few months ago, I had started a new job and the pressure from a new environment and unfamiliar work type and responsibilities sent me into somewhat of a nervous breakdown.  I haven't worked since.  You don't sound like your anxiety is nearly this destructive, but I can relate to you that anxiety in general can make the normal pressures of life so overwhelming that you can't even begin to concentrate.  Anxiety serves only one function: to keep you alive in the face of danger by allowing you to fight or run from a threat.  In a brain that is functioning normally, this only happens in rare instances that only lasts moments.  In an anxious brain, it can happen for the smallest stresses and maintain much longer than it is supposed to.  The unfortunate fact is that when your body enters this "escape" mode, it doesn't leave much room for cognition or reasoning- which throws concentration and decision making out the window.  In cases like yours and mine, a person has nothing to escape from, so the anxiety stays without a real reason.  Furthermore, when it happens in places like work, where there really is no escape and there are decisions that have to be made and details that require attention, it can be a cyclical torture- you need to get things done, but you can't concentrate on them, but they need to get done and that worries you, but your worry causes a stronger anxiety reaction and you can't concentrate.  I know how awful it can be, even if it isn't necessarily hurting you.

 

Family/social life can be similar.  My friends have always known what I go through and are supportive and understanding.  Beyond knowing that, I still have issues being around many of them for many reasons- some friends never have a plan, and fly by the seat of their pants, and the uncertainty comes off as an anticipatory stressor, driving me to panic.  Some friends love to go out and do things that cost money, and that can be a stress we can all identify with.  Some friends like to hang in large groups or noisy places- and the same could apply to family.  Some families have expectations beyond their understanding of a situation.  Some can have many needs present at a time, such as cooking, cleaning, feeding, paying bills, or just being a group of people that is constantly moving at the beat of many different drums.  I know I sometimes can't be around certain family members because the way they interact makes me impatient, or makes me feel a sense of expectation- and that sends me into an anxious flurry and I need to go somewhere quiet to be alone just to calm myself. 

 

If this continues or seems to get worse, I urge you to seek help from a psychologist  (not a therapist/social worker).  Psychologists, rather than just listen to you talk about your problem, are usually the ones who try to identify the root of your stress reactions and mental patterns.  Rather than just allowing you to release emotions, they try to work with your reactions and behaviors to help you respond better to problems, and many of the techniques, such as biofeedback, are hailed as highly effective.  I'm currently working with a psychologist that I like very much.  I'm only just past the consultation and test phase, but he has outlines possible routes of therapy that I have researched myself, and I'm hopeful they'll put a dent in my anxiety so I can squeeze more purpose and enjoyment out of life.

 

In the meantime, if you have not found it already, I wish you relief from your symptoms and guidance to help you along.  It's difficult to find, but if you can find medical professionals that actually give you an honest listen and a clear path, it can make a huge difference.

 

Much luck and peace- Kevro

[DaddyCee]

Thanks for your message Kevro. I will take it onboard.  I am not struggling so much with work stress / anxiety now so do feel that it was a residual withdrawal symptom that appears to be slowly working its way out of my system. Yay!!

 

So I am now 32 months free from all meds and I am starting to see very good days and even great days and long may it continue.

 

There is some good information on this new site https://baylissa.com which is the new Bloom In Wellness site.

 

I continue to wish you all success on your journeys and please know that you will make through, just keep going and never give up.

 

Namaste,

DC.

[DaddyCee]

^{Hi All.}

 

^{I hope you are all doing well on your recovery journey's.  I have found this great little video about a News Reporter who had a panic attack on air and then sought a way to manage his "in the head voice" which was one of the main causes for his distress oh along with recreational drug use to try to contain the problem.}

 

^{https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sXBEfIXUno}

 

^{It seems to be fairly old but the promotion of meditation is one that is quite novel and unique.}

^{Enjoy and Namaste.}

 

^DC.

[DaddyCee]

Hi Everyone.

 

Just checking in as I am now 35 months free from all meds!!!

 

I just had a fantastic weekend away where I did have a slight bit of anxiety (it seems to creep up on me when settling down for a meal at restaurants). You know the feeling, electric buzz in the stomach and then the feeling of wanting to escape and then the feeling of "this is happening again, make it stop!!" and then the thoughts of "will this ever go away, or am I stuck like this forever!!"

 

Any way it does go away and I seriously believe that it does get a lot better in time.  I just need to reassure myself and go through my CBT training and not stress or concentrate on what happens at that precise point.

 

I hope you are all a little bit further down your road of recovery.

 

I'm looking forward (with anticipation) to a week in Portugal very soon and then at the end of September it will be 3 years free of meds.

 

Peace to you all and keep going at what you are doing, changes are happening.

 

DC.

[scallywag]

Hey DaddyCee -- thanks for posting a positive and hopeful update.  I'm glad that you've discovered ways to ride the wave of anxiety, that's not easy to do. Congratulations!

[DaddyCee]

Thanks SC.

 

Today will be month 36.... yippee!!! 3 years

 

So Portugal was fantastic.... I had one blippy day which I am putting down to an high intake of Sprite and also some very sweet desserts.  Before I went to Portugal my fantastic therapist gave me an EFT session where we worked through the concerns that I had as well as recounting the first episode in Italy.  She was brilliant, gentle and very attentive.  I used some of the techniques during the flight over and I must admit it was one of the best flights I have ever had.

 

I keep a log of my daily moods via an app "Pacifica". I have been looking back over the past 12 months and can definitely see a positive improvement. My days were kind of OK'ish for the majority this time last year and now I am frequently hitting Very Good and even Great days.  So I have to say to anyone who is currently suffering that things do improve, give it time and you to will come through the bad and see more good times a head.

 

It's a long and arduous journey for some, but not necessarily for all as we are all different and all heal in our own time. I strongly believe this.

 

Peace, love and healing to all.

 

DC.

[bubble]

Thanks for the update. Very happy to hear you are doing so well.

 

You need the sun!

[dowdaller]

Well done DC, hope to be were you are someday. Wishing you continued healing.

[DaddyCee]

_{Thanks Bubble and Dowdaller.  I really appreciate your time reading my post.}

 

_DC

[DaddyCee]

Hi All.

 

This question is for all the gym buddies out there.

 

I am interested in trying to increase my strength by adding Creatine Monohydrate to my workouts but the instructions says to load by doing 1tsp 4 times a day for the first week which I am not sure whether my CNS is going to be ready for this or even if my CNS will be affected.  So do any of you currently use Creatine and have you noticed any adverse effects or benefits in that matter please?

 

This is the one I have : http://uk.bodybuilding.com/store/usn/creatine-monohydrate.html?mcid=GGL_UK_Products-Products_USN_Creatine_Monohydrate&bbkwid=28488138032&gclid=CKjO1KK20s8CFUsq0wodIZAL_w

 

I'm still very much scared to take any supplements though I have regularly taken Protein mixes without cause for concern so I'm sure this is just as safe, but I want to make sure before committing.

 

Cheers all and hope you are having a fabulous healing day today

 

Peace.

[dowdaller]

Hi All.

 

This question is for all the gym buddies out there.

 

I am interested in trying to increase my strength by adding Creatine Monohydrate to my workouts but the instructions says to load by doing 1tsp 4 times a day for the first week which I am not sure whether my CNS is going to be ready for this or even if my CNS will be affected.  So do any of you currently use Creatine and have you noticed any adverse effects or benefits in that matter please?

 

This is the one I have : http://uk.bodybuilding.com/store/usn/creatine-monohydrate.html?mcid=GGL_UK_Products-Products_USN_Creatine_Monohydrate&bbkwid=28488138032&gclid=CKjO1KK20s8CFUsq0wodIZAL_w

 

I'm still very much scared to take any supplements though I have regularly taken Protein mixes without cause for concern so I'm sure this is just as safe, but I want to make sure before committing.

 

Cheers all and hope you are having a fabulous healing day today

 

Peace.

I have used creatine in the past before I went on meds, I found it was very hard on my kidneys and made me want to piss all the time, if I was you I would try soya protein, first in small amouts post workout. See how you get on there is also hemp protein which I have used in the past. Let me know how you got on. And well done on your recovery.

[DaddyCee]

Thanks dowdaller, I will take that on board.

 

Did you load on Creatine or take on an after workout basis only?

 

The say you have to keep your fluid intake up when you are on Creatine so that is probably why you were urinating more than usual.

 

DC.

[dowdaller]

After training took it for a month or so, its good for building bulk fast, if thats what your after , high weights small sets small reps, you will be like arnie in no time, I was taking it for recovery, I was playing football at the time, and it was the supplement that was in vogue.

[Altostrata]

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

☼

to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[DaddyCee]

After training took it for a month or so, its good for building bulk fast, if thats what your after , high weights small sets small reps, you will be like arnie in no time, I was taking it for recovery, I was playing football at the time, and it was the supplement that was in vogue.

 

thank dowdaller, I will still need to watch what I eat though. lol.

[DaddyCee]

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

 

☼

 

to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

 

Hey thanks Alto.  I've been waiting for this for a long time!!!  Of course I plan to continue updating my thread with progress. This community has been incredibly helpful and continues to be so.

 

Peace.

 

DC.

[Altostrata]

[NoMoreADs]

Hi, I'm 8 months off and can only sleep 4 to 5 hours per night.  I noticed you have been off meds for 36 months. How many months were you med free before you were able to sleep 6 hours a night?

[DaddyCee]

Hi NoMoreADs.

 

I have responded directly to you.  Sleep will return to a form of normality over time, but it was difficult for the first 12 - 15 months for me.

 

Namaste,

DC.

[AliG]

DC.  Congratulations on your " here comes the sun " symbol .     I can almost feel the excitement from your last update. I'm so happy for you. You're a little ahead of me on the timeline but I'm feeling the buzz of recovery as well . I'm 29 months out.

 

Keep us updated if you can and also write your success story when you feel that it's the right time. I know it's hard to know when the right time is and possibly you're understandably waiting for even more improvement, but please don't forget. It's so important to our community to give hope in this healing and recovery process.

 

Best wishes,

Ali

[Junglechicken]

Many congrats DC on your sun 

 

Hugs,

JC

[DaddyCee]

Hi all fellow journey makers.

 

Just a brief update to say I am doing well. I enjoyed a few days in Krakow recently and had only one slight issue which related to a delayed breakfast timing, which I know plays havoc with my blood sugar levels. Other than that, the flight over and back was excellent, the eating out and socialising held no problems for me whatsoever. I also attended my company Christmas party yesterday and again another social event that would usually cause me problems, but (even though the build up made me feel anxious), I enjoyed myself immensely and had a great time. I've just ticked off another month of being med free and feel in a very positive place.

 

I had a couple of sessions of Metamorphic Therapy and I think that is helping me to reassess my life and what I want to get out of it.

 

Peace to you all.

 

DC.

[Junglechicken]

Hi all fellow journey makers.

 

Just a brief update to say I am doing well. I enjoyed a few days in Krakow recently and had only one slight issue which related to a delayed breakfast timing, which I know plays havoc with my blood sugar levels. Other than that, the flight over and back was excellent, the eating out and socialising held no problems for me whatsoever. I also attended my company Christmas party yesterday and again another social event that would usually cause me problems, but (even though the build up made me feel anxious), I enjoyed myself immensely and had a great time. I've just ticked off another month of being med free and feel in a very positive place.

 

I had a couple of sessions of Metamorphic Therapy and I think that is helping me to reassess my life and what I want to get out of it.

 

Peace to you all.

 

DC.

That's great news DC!

 

Congrats on all your med free accomplishments.......and I hear you re: the blood sugar issues.

 

Looking forward to catching up with you on the 10th.

 

Take care,

JC

[DaddyCee]

Thanks JC.

 

Yes, really looking forward to this Saturday. It will be great to meet a new member of the club as well.

 

Have a great week.

 

DC.

[Junglechicken]

Yes DC, it's very exciting having a new member of our club. Very much hoping they will make it.

 

Have a good week too!

 

JC

[DaddyCee]

Hi All and Happy New Year, may it bring good steps in your journey.

 

A quick update.... so I am now 39 months off from Escitalopram, and I can honestly say that the improvements in the last 12 months have been outstanding. I feel that (not wishing to jinx things) my journey is coming to an end. I still have residual problems from time to time, but I am not consumed by them anymore and appear to be better able to cope.  Christmas has always been a pretty difficult time for me, but I can safely say that this year was the first time in a long while where I felt completely at ease with it and as normal as I have felt since stopping the meds.

 

I hope that you all can find some peace in the turmoil that WD causes. Do remember that "it will pass" and there are brighter and more positive times ahead.

 

Namaste,

DC.

[Pepita]

Hi DaddyCee, 

thank you for bringing these good news:)) I as well can report to get better and better and better...it really DOES get better. I am around 15 months off now - I have always been on a small dose for not such a long time though..so I guess things are improving "quicker" for me (still feels like forever). Anyway, I wish you a happy new year  and to every one else in this forum as well:)) Hope that you are all in good places right  now (or as good as possible, if in a wave)

Best, 
Pepita

[DaddyCee]

Hi Pepita.

 

That's fantastic news!! and all the best for 2017, it's going to be a phenomenal year I can feel it.

 

Peace,

 

DC.

[Junglechicken]

Hi All and Happy New Year, may it bring good steps in your journey.

 

A quick update.... so I am now 39 months off from Escitalopram, and I can honestly say that the improvements in the last 12 months have been outstanding. I feel that (not wishing to jinx things) my journey is coming to an end. I still have residual problems from time to time, but I am not consumed by them anymore and appear to be better able to cope.  Christmas has always been a pretty difficult time for me, but I can safely say that this year was the first time in a long while where I felt completely at ease with it and as normal as I have felt since stopping the meds.

 

I hope that you all can find some peace in the turmoil that WD causes. Do remember that "it will pass" and there are brighter and more positive times ahead.

 

Namaste,

DC.

 

Hi DC,

 

Happy New Year to you too!

 

That is great news, and testimony to your will to want to recover, and gives me and others hope in getting off the Escitalopram poison without adverse re-procussions.

 

Looking forward to the 14th and also reading your success story

 

JC

[DaddyCee]

Hi JC,

 

Thanks for the kind words. I am also looking forward to the 14th, it will be great to catch-up.

 

Take Care,

DC.