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Catnapt: Hope I'm doing this right

Lexapro escitalopram

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#433 Frogie

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:47 PM

heh heh heh, I'm an idiot LOL I thought the 2.5 mgs of zyprexa was going to be a liquid, I saw "oral" and my tired brain thought that meant a liquid, no idea why I thought that
 
they are two tiny pills
 
now to decide if I take them or not, oh lord this weighs heavy on my mind.
I didn't used to agonize over stuff like this, and well, we see where that got me :/
 
now I'm nearly paralyzed with fear about what might happen.
this is a crappy way to live, ya know?
 
I'm sure most of us can relate to that.

They offered me a gingerale in the ER, and I freaked out, I can't drink that I said, I can't have any sugar, it'll mess me up but good
 
wow, I don't even recognize myself


You will be fine. Lots of rest and take care of YOU!

Take care. :)
Frogie xx
Previous medications and discontinuations: Zoloft, 1997 - 1999; switch to Paxil, 1999-2002, switch to Lexapro // Gabapentin, 900mg, 2010-2015: tapered of 9 weeks, last dose Sept. 2015, no symptoms // Lamictal, 300 mg, 2009-2015, taper of 6 weeks, last dose Oct 2015, no symptoms //Valium, 40 mg, 2008-2015, 8-week taper, last dose Dec 2015, no symptoms Current medications: Carafate 1mg (anti-ulcer med) 4x a day as needed. Prescribed but not taking it.Lexapro: 2002 - March 2016: 20 mg; Mar-Apr 2016: 8 week taper 20 mg - 10 mg; 8-June 9mg; 13-June10 mg; 11-Sep 7.5 mg; 25-Sep 5 mg; 5 Oct 10mg; started taking Liquid Lexapro in Nov 2016; started taper with liquid 1/1/17 9mg Xanax, 3 mg in 4 split doses, 2008-present Prilosec 40mg; 28- Aug started 25% taper; 1-Oct 20mg a.m. + 15mg p.m. Stopped Nov 26, 2016 w/rebound acid but not too bad.For nausea as needed: Zantac , 300mg only "as needed". Zofran 4mg for nausea; only take it when nausea is unbearable.Supplements: 150 mg Mag chloride, 400IU Vitamin E, 350mg Krill Oil, Milk Thistle, Probiotic

#434 catnapt

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 04:40 AM

update:

I cut the 2.5mg tablet of zyprexa into quarters and took one pc of that around 6:30 or so, by about 7:30 I was asleep and slept til 11:35 pm

Got up and took the other 3/4 of the pill, went to bed and slept til 6:30 am

 

SLEEP, glorious sleep!
woke up feeling good, and ready to meet the day, no anxiety, no bad thoughts, just feel like I've landed back into my own skin for a change

I will be following up with the NP (psych nurse) to see what she thinks, she was very responsive to me wanting to be on a very low dose of the lexapro, and then, having given me the very lowest dose of zyprexa, I feel hopeful that she's going to be able to work with me to keep my meds low (and I will decide when and if I taper off, but I can tell you one thing for sure, I am not planning to taper off the lexapro for at least a YEAR now, unless I suddenly have trouble with it)

I am unfollowing my topic and will be staying off SA now til I get this sorted out.

I will come back when it's time for me to taper or if something happens and I need to sort out if it's WD or side effects but for now, I've got to get on with my life.

 

I hope you will all understand and please do not contact me via PMs or any other way, as I need a break from WD stuff.

 

While I do believe that these drugs are extremely flawed and not good for us, I also know that after such a long history of being on them as I have, it may be that some of us (like maybe me) need to stay on a small dose of something for a longer while before facing life without them.

I do not like what they do to my brain and my body, but I also need to keep myself alive, if I am ever going to have any hope of full recovery off these evil chemicals

 

and so, for now, I will accept my drugged sleep over no sleep at all. I have an extensive trauma history/PTSD and sleep is one of the few things that helps to heal that, add to that the WD symptoms and the healing from coming off too fast a taper and you can hopefully understand why I am NOT one of those ppl who can face years of insomnia

I just can't.

 

there's a line from a song that goes "sleep's the only freedom that she knows".

that's how I feel. Sleep is what gets me thru each day, and without it, my life is nearly unbearable.


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#435 AliG

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 05:13 AM

Good luck, Cat. We come here voluntarily and I guess we leave the same way. If that is your decision and thought process then we all wish you well.

 

I understand so well how lack of sleep can impact on every facet of your life and it's so regrettable. It does improve with time but it takes patience.

 

Wishing you the best and please come back to let us know how you are doing .

Hugs,

Ali


Many SSRI's &SSNRI's over 20 years . Zoloft - 7 years .  Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and many more - on and off . No tapering. Cold turkey -  Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

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#436 catnapt

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 12:40 PM

I want to address some things that have been brought up to put everyone's mind at ease, hopefully:

as far as me not being on the forum much, that's got NOTHING to do with ANYONE here, nothing whatsoever. nothing anyone did or said is a factor in ANY way with me taking a Break (not leaving, taking a break, ok??? LOL)

 

that has to do with what I personally need. I need a break from all things WD, all things.

 

I need to reaquaint myself with my real life, and that is what I am doing

 

as I've said many times before, I will def post my success story when it happens

It may not be a "100% free of drugs story", but it will be a success, for me, nonetheless.

I will see where things take me but I will def let everyone know

 

yes I have friends here and yes ppl have been friendly and supportive but as I've always said, I need to do what is best for my health and wellbeing and that always meant that there would come  a time when being on the forum would not be a good thing for me, not on such a regular basis.

i've given plenty of advance notice about this, in fact. :)

keeping in contact with people from the forum is also not something I wish to do AT THIS TIME.
I have enjoyed the relationships I've formed here but for my own health and sanity, I need a good long break from all things related to WD, sadly that includes ppl going thru WD

 

It's part of my personality that other ppls stories affect me deeply, to a degree that is harmful for me.

this is no one's fault, it's just who I am.

 

I am doing this for ME, I hope that you will respect that, even if you don't understand it

 

as many ppl who have success stories have pointed out, being on the forum 24/7 or even on a regular basis, can be a barrier to moving forward

 

learn from the successes, and do what works for you personally.

 

thank you all, until some time in the future, I wish you all the very best

 

ps I am having a great day, best one in many months.

 

:)
:)
:)


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#437 Flowers

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 12:51 PM

Hello Catnapt

 

We all have to do what works for us personally and I understand what you are saying about needing to focus on getting your life back. 

 

I will miss reading your posts but hope that things settle down nicely for you.

 

Please do come back if you feel up to it and tell how you are doing.

 

Best Wishes  to you.

 

Flowers xxx


15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM
MAY 2014   Increased to 40mgs
SEPT-NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10mgs as per Dr's instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations
 Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.
DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes, limbs, muscle pain, fluct. temp,weakness,depression,anxiety,nausea,giddy,
Walking like I am drunk.
DEC 2014 Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.
DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.
DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. Haven't taken any BROMAZEPAM for 2 weeks +.
APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.

JAN 2016 CIT:Started taper. Reducing by 5%. 28.5mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs


#438 catnapt

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Posted 14 January 2017 - 06:13 AM

thanks Flowers  :)

 

OK I know I've said, I'm going to be away in the past and then did not stay away much at all, and here we are again, with me back, again LOL

Maybe I will need to come here to chronicle what happens with the new drug, if  ppl don't mind too much. I know adding meds is generally frowned on here, but I did what was best for me.

I had another good night, not as good as the one before, as I was up and busy doing pleasant things until 1 am

I went to bed around then and did not fall asleep, as I normally would, so I took 1/2 of the 2.5 mg zyprexa tablet @ 2 am, and fell asleep.

I did not sleep as deeply nor as well as when I took a higher amnt but I did sleep. I had a small cortisol spike that I was expecting as I had eaten more than usual yesterday and had a meal very late, 9pm.

 

I was able to get back to sleep each time I stirred and did not get out of bed til after 8 am. I didn't realize it was that late, because normally my cat is bugging me for food from 5 or 6 am on, and she was sleeping with me- She came up and licked at my shoulder once but then found a spot next to my legs and fell asleep.

So I assumed it was still quite early.

 

so my lexapro dose was an hour late, oops.

 it should be ok.

 

 

here's something I wrote in another thread that I wanted to copy over here, to keep track of things- it is in response to a question about the half life of a drug, what it means, and if it means that the amnt in your body accumulates over time if a drug has a half life longer than 24hrs, I got two replies and this is my response to those replies:

 

"Thank you both so much!! this will help me decide what to do with the zyprexa that I have, I need to make it last as long as possible because there's a chance I may not be able to get any more

 
I am not sure I will actually need it for any length of time, in the past, I've only needed a single 5mg dose, but things are quite different now, than they were back then.

 

so it's anyone's guess, really, what is the best thing to do. I do know that having had some sleep, I am in a totally different place in my mind, as well as my body. It's back to normal temperature, I do not have any anxiety (beyond the nervousness of not knowing what will happen when I go back to see the psych nurse) I feel fully grounded in my own body and now realize that I've been out of my own body for most of the past several months.

 

 

the turn around in my thinking is the most dramatic; before the zyprexa, I was sure I was going to die, one way or the other, I believed that I had willed my body to shut down and die, and if it didn't, I would have to help it on it's way. these thoughts terrified me, and being in a fragile state, having had so little sleep for so long, I knew that I needed to do something to basically save myself.

 

I did what has worked in the past, in a similar, but not nearly as desperate, a situation. and it worked this time, for now, at least.

 

I feel a lot stronger and more able to face whatever comes.

it was the right decision.

;-)  "


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#439 catnapt

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Posted 14 January 2017 - 07:36 AM

just in case I lose/misplace my paper record of symptoms:

 

symptoms for the month of Jan so far have been quite mild except for the sleep issue, some body temp issues (now, mostly cold instead of waves of sweating and being too hot)

Some mild ringing in my ears.

 

Only in retrospect do I realize that I have been more out of my body than in it (dissociation) and that got pretty severe over the course of about a week, starting with a trip (on  Jan 4th) to somewhere that I experienced multiple traumas in the past, as well as the place I last saw my brother before he passed away 3yrs ago Feb1st. I also went to my last childhood home, so that is likely the main cause of the major increase in PTSD symptoms, that combined with WD symptoms to bring me to the horrible place I was at on Jan 11th.

I also visited with a sister who is clearly over medicated and utterly unaware of how out of it she is, which was very disturbing as well, given what I now know about these drugs

 

The switch from twice a day dosing to once a day dosing likely didn't help things, but I believe it was a minor issue among much larger ones.

 

my symptom score for the day that I went to the ER totaled 90 (primarily fear, anxiety SI, dissociation, sleep issues, body cold, intrusive thoughts and irritable)

my symptom score for the day after taking the zyprexa and getting some sleep was 5 (some ringing in my ears, very mild anxiety regarding getting more zyprexa, and slightly irritable)

 

I have gained some things I didn't even realized I'd been missing, I guess I should have added anhedonia to my symptom list, but as with many other symptoms, I didn't know I had it, til it was gone. the anhedonia is gone for now.

 

I went from severe SI one day, to finding a lot of pleasure in the activities I did in the past, things I have not enjoyed nor even had the interest to do, for a long time (I am sewing again, re connecting with friends in several groups that I've been active in in the past, etc)

this was after a small dose of zyprexa.
I am cutting out all negative influences in my life, and building towards doing some volunteer work and some activism, possibly, to combat my greatest fear regarding climate change

That may be the last thing I tackle, as I am still a bit irritable and if I hear one more person say that, since the beginning of time, the earth's climate has changed gradually, going thru ice ages, etc etc so what is happening now is no different- I think I will scream!! since the beginning of time, eh, you say? and how many people inhabited the planet at that time? how many resources does the earth have? are they limitless? how much has the population grown, and how fast does it continue to grow? when I was in Jr High we went to the Science museum where there was a display showing the growth in the population as it was happening, and there was considerable concern about what that meant for the future. This is over 40 yrs ago, folks, have we forgotten that the planet has a finite amnt of resources and cannot support a limitless amnt of people? are we really that stupid, or are we all so damn drugged we no longer care? I have a daughter  and I need the future to be a good one for her.

 

so um, getting off my soap box for now, but seriously how can anyone not see the HUGE difference from way back when in the earth's history to what is our reality now. the population on earth has never been greater, the strain on it's resources are immense. any one who knows even basic science should know this, but I've had educated ppl spout off about how global climate change is either a myth, or it's just a normal part of the earth's history. You can see why I would feel suicidal faced with trying to get thru the denial and stupidity that is rampant today. But that was only one issue that led me to that dark place, the others were thoughts that i could not control about my own life personally never getting better.

 

now, I am still upset about the issue but I am going to try to do something about it. as soon as I am strong enough to do so without it affecting my mental health, that is. ;) please no debates about this issue, I am in a fragile place with this and can't handle it, I may say something I'd regret. thank you in advance.

 

 

so, that's my symptom tracking for now, It is actually a lot easier to write this stuff online than on paper, I don't write often and have trouble reading my own little chicken scratches.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS I have decided NOT to updose the lexapro, I am holding at the current dose for as long as I can. I will only start to taper if it looks like I won't be able to get another Rx for it.


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#440 PatriciaVP

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Posted 14 January 2017 - 11:45 AM

Hi Cat,

Glad to hear you are doing so much better. Please take it easy on yourself. You've been through so much.

Keep trusting yourself to know what you need. Take the time to heed the soft inner voice.

Peace, love and healing.

PatriciaVP@AbleWriterSays My Intro

 

Zoloft 150-200 mg- on and off between 1998 and 2004.

 

Lexapro 40 mg - 2004-2013 30 mg 2013 - August 2015 20 mg August 2015- September 2015 15 mg September 2015 - October 2015 10 mg October 2015 -Nov. 1 2015. Nov. 2015 increased dose to 12.5 mg to stabilize. Dec. 28 2015 11.25 mg March 29, 2016 10 mg. August 1, 2016 9 mg. October 23, 2016 8.1 mg. Nov. 29, 2016 7.5 mg

 

Depakote 1000 mg 2008-2013  750 2013-Dec 2015 500 mg Dec 2015 to Feb 2, 2016. Sopped completely Feb 2 2016.

 

Adderall 40mg 2004-Feb 29, 2016. Feb 29,2016 - reduced Adderall to 20 mg based on pdoc's recommendations. March 29, 2016 - Reduced Adderall to 15 mg. April 30 reduced Adderall to 10 mgs. May 28, 2016 reduced Adderall to 5 mgs.June 8, 2016 stopped taking Adderall due to extreme agitation.

 

Amphetamine 20mg 2008 - 1/16. 1/16 - Stopped Amphetamine completely because pdoc did not renew script.

"Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming! What do we do? We swim!" -Dory


#441 Altostrata

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Posted 14 January 2017 - 06:54 PM

catnapt, that inconsistent way you're taking verapamil could be responsible for all your symptoms.

 

If you don't need it, if I were you, I'd taper off it.

 

That with the Lexapro change might well have caused the sleep problem.

 

Please look at your bottle of Lexapro and check the expiration date. If it's old, it might have lost potency. This could give you the symptoms you report.
 

Did you change the timing of your Lexapro dose and your verapamil dose at the same time?
 
Is your Lexapro liquid past its expiration date?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#442 catnapt

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Posted 15 January 2017 - 08:38 PM

 

catnapt, that inconsistent way you're taking verapamil could be responsible for all your symptoms.

 

If you don't need it, if I were you, I'd taper off it.

 

That with the Lexapro change might well have caused the sleep problem.

 

Please look at your bottle of Lexapro and check the expiration date. If it's old, it might have lost potency. This could give you the symptoms you report.
 

Did you change the timing of your Lexapro dose and your verapamil dose at the same time?
 
Is your Lexapro liquid past its expiration date?

 

Alto, the lexapro was just filled, it's not past the expiration date, it's good for a year

 

the "sleep problem" has existed since October, and has never gotten any better.

 

the calcium channel blocker has been something that I take based on my blood pressure readings, a half dose most days, if it goes over 140/90, I'm supposed to take the full dose.

My BP tanked a few weeks ago, so I weaned down and then stopped it for a few days, then went back on the half dose.

it has made absolutely NO difference in my sleep or lack thereof, that has never improved.

 

 

the main issue that led me to the ER was the lack of sleep AND intrusive, totally uncontrollable thoughts with severe SI, that I was very close to acting on.

I did the right thing, I got the one thing that I was fairly sure would work, as it's worked in the past.

I have a history of psychosis,  it's not something you want to mess around with, esp if you tend toward paranoia as well as depression.

 

even people in WD can have other things going on, things that need to be addressed in whatever manner is going to be helpful. as much as I hate to admit it, zyprexa saved my life.  I am still in this fight for my life because I don't know if I'll be able to continue to get the zyprexa for as long as I need it. I have already cut back to a half tablet and my mind has slipped back down a bit, started to go back to where it was a few days ago.


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#443 Altostrata

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Posted 16 January 2017 - 01:42 PM

Your Lexapro prescription may be good for a year, but a single bottle might deteriorate after a few months. Look carefully on your bottle and find the expiration date. Often this is handwritten by the pharmacist.

 

If your Lexapro liquid is past its expiration date, it might not be as strong as it was, and you may not be getting the dose you think you're getting.

 

If you're taking verapamil to counter high blood pressure from withdrawal syndrome, and now you don't have that symptom, you might do well to taper off and reduce your drug burden. The more drugs you take, the harder your body works to cope with them.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#444 catnapt

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Posted 16 January 2017 - 02:51 PM

Your Lexapro prescription may be good for a year, but a single bottle might deteriorate after a few months. Look carefully on your bottle and find the expiration date. Often this is handwritten by the pharmacist.

 

If your Lexapro liquid is past its expiration date, it might not be as strong as it was, and you may not be getting the dose you think you're getting.

 

If you're taking verapamil to counter high blood pressure from withdrawal syndrome, and now you don't have that symptom, you might do well to taper off and reduce your drug burden. The more drugs you take, the harder your body works to cope with them.

 

 

I've had hypertension for about 10 yrs now, maybe longer. I've been overwt for a long time, but have lost over 30lbs in the past year and, once I am more physically active, will probably no longer need the verapamil.
I am almost at the point where I dont need it any more but my BP did skyrocket a few days ago, probably due to stress, but regardless of the cause, I can't let it get that high, because it puts me at risk for going into a fib, and that puts me at risk of a stroke from a blood clot. I declined the anti coagulants and will not go on them unless I really have to (only IF I have afib episodes; I've not had any in about er, at least 3 yrs maybe more) I already had to quit seeing the cardiologist because he was trying to bully me into taking ACs and I prefer to avoid going into afib in the first place.

 

 

anyway, the bottle of lexapro says it's good til Oct 2017. I don't have any old drugs in the house, I dispose of them if they are past the expiration date. I go thru them all once a month to check.

 

my update:

I am doing a LOT better on the zyprexa.  I don't really get much more sleep, about 4 or 5 hrs, but when I am awake, I am no longer suffering with those horrible fears and thoughts that I had before. 

I only take 1/2 of the 2.5mg tablet at night, I would sleep better if I took the whole 2.5mg tablet,  but I'm not sure I'm going to get any more, so am trying to make them last as long as I can.

 

Now, I wake up and want to get up and get involved in things, I don't dread the days as I was before; I was actually dreading EVERYTHING, it was incredible how suicidal my thoughts were. Without me ever really thinking of them that way, I just suffered thru each day wishing it was over and that this would all end soon, one way or another.

 

I'd get on the shopper shuttle bus with the Sr citizens and look at them and pray that I didn't live as long as they had already.  I'm the youngest person using this free service, the vast majority of the other riders are at least 10 yrs older than me, most are in their 80s and several are almost 100.

Most ppl would be thinking, awesome, I hope I live that long, but not me, even when I am well, living much past 80 does not appeal to me, probably due to my level of poverty, lack of resources and support system. Life for poor ppl in general is just not a whole lot of fun. what can I say. LOL but I make the most of my limited resources and am in general, satisfied with my life. it's really mostly only when I compare my life to others, that I feel "deprived" but in actuality, I don't want or need much and have everything I need and lot of what I just want, but dont' actually need. Life is good, even when I'm b*tching about it LOL

I am extremely glad to be alive right now, I am grateful to the Mobile Crisis team that helped me to save myself. When I have dark thoughts, I try not to look too far ahead, that day is more than enough for me to deal with. (fleeting dark thoughts do pop up from time to time but I can manage them now)

 

 

I'll probably wean off the tiny bit of zyprexa that I'm on now, but under supervision, I hope. I meet with a different nurse who  prescribes meds on the 24th.

  I'll be seeing the same person who Rxed the refill for the "emergency" Rx of zyprexa, so I have high hopes that she'll be more understanding of my needs.
I could probably CT the zyprexa without any issues but I want to wait til I know I've got someone to cover me if my thinking goes south again. Just as a safety net kind of thing, you know?

I got some seeds today, and am washing out my pots so I can start what I call my Greenie Babies on top of my fridge. Just a few things for now, some lettuce, some coleus and some cool weather flowers. A beautiful one called schizanthus, or butterfly flower.

I usually spend all of January reading over seed catalogs, even though I no longer have space for a garden, just a covered porch for some flowers and a few flats of lettuce and such. I like to dream and reminisce about the gardens I've had in the past.

 

Got a lot of sewing done the past couple of days, too. It's great to be back IN  my life again, finally.
I have been so paralyzed by fear and dread that I've not been able to even think of what I wanted to be doing, I just did things to try to cope with the symptoms

 

I now only have one symptom, and that's the sleep disturbance. I cant think of a single other one, although some ways down the line, I may be able to notice that I no longer have _____ that I wasn't aware I had at the time. Like the way I didn't know that I had DP/DR til it cleared up, I am allowing for the fact that I might have other WD symptoms now, that I am unaware of and wont realize I had them, til they are gone. Odd to need the absence of somethign to be aware that I had it, LOL

 

in any case,  if I have any other symptoms, they are not interfering with my life, so it's all good

 

I am still taking the tiny 0.3mgs of lexapro so I'm not a success story yet and considering that I was suicidal just a few days ago, it's way too premature to talk about being fully healed, but as you can see,

I am doing a LOT better.

I think I am probably about 80 to 85% healed.
I will continue to stay on my tiny dose for a min of 6 mos, maybe a year so long as I have access to Rxs for it.

and think about what to do later, cuz I'm too busy living my life to think about that now

 

:)

 


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#445 Blondiee1915

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Posted 16 January 2017 - 05:54 PM

Hi Cat,

I am glad you are doing MUCH better . You did what you had to do, and it helped and it is wonderful you got some relief.

I also like plants :) last year I had some tomatoes cucumbers and green peppers growing on a small balcony :)

Lexapro (10 mg - 20 mg) 2007 winter - 2007 spring. Summer 2007 stopped

Lexapro (20 mg) 2007 fall - 2008 spring.  Summer 2008 stopped

Lexapro (20 mg) November 2008 -  winter 2011

Started withdrawing spring 2011 July 2011  

Lexapro (20 mg) November 2011 - fall 2012

Winter 2013 I got a new doctor and we started trying new medications: Prozac (low dosage) 4 months, then Effexor which caused panic attacks 4 months, notryptoline (4 months), paxil, nardil for about a year 

Lexapro 10 mg spring 2015 - April 2016

Vibryid May - June 2016, then began to withdraw and stopped completely July 2016 

October 31 2016 reinstated at 2.5 mg lexapro due to extreme exhaustion, off balance feeling, dizzy spinning spells, no emotions, annoyed and irritable, impatient. some panic attacks, anxiety, intense fear, DP/DR, racing thoughts.  11/11/16 increased to 5 mg.  

12/26/16 switched to luvox (25 mg am and 25 mg pm) - drowsiness, fatigue, dizziness, anxiety. 


#446 catnapt

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 05:29 AM

WOOT!!

a new milestone- last night- first let me say, that I was so busy and engaged in doing things that I enjoy, that I didn't even notice that it was after midnight when I started to feel  so sleepy, I knew if I laid down, Id fall asleep. I was running around putting things away so I could climb into bed.

By 1 am I was in bed and ASLEEP without taking any zyprexa

I woke up at 5 am as nature was calling, and climbed back into bed and FELL ASLEEP quickly and slept til almost 8 am (I just got up and had to share my awesome news)

so cross sleep disturbance off the list.

 

that leaves, well, no symptoms.

 

OK If I was pressed, I'd say I have a bit of ringing in my ears in the evenings, that I only notice if it's very quiet, that's how mild the ringing is. I may have had this long before being on SSRIs' - I seem to remember being disturbed by ringing in my ears as a teen, before I was ever given any kind of psych meds.

 

 

One other thing that has changed: I have an appetite, thanks to zyprexa LOL

Zyprexa is well known for this side effect.

 

Since the first tiny dose, I have been hungry- and I have eaten and eaten and eaten! I had 3 good meals on Friday, the day after taking the first dose of zyprexa

I've made at least 2 good (healthy) meals per day since then, and have a long list of foods I want to buy and cook.
Prior to this, I was eating VERY little and that has to have had an effect on me as well. I'd have maybe a small applesauce for breakfast, some pineapple or an orange for lunch and some veggie for dinner.

Yep, that was about it. I've lost a lot of weight, and hopefully I will gain a bit back and then lose it in a safer way (by exercising, primarily)

I feel better than I have felt in since er, forever!

 

I am still on 0.3mgs of liquid lexapro with NO plans to change that any time soon (If something ain't broke, don't fix it!)

 

I would say that I'm now 90% healed and the rest should go well. I don't anticipate any problems and don't need or want any dire warnings about how I *might* have issues down the road, I am fully aware of that, thankyouverymuch. :)

 

Never again will I doubt myself when it comes to doing what is right for me. 

 

as Patricia put it so beautifully,  "Keep trusting yourself to know what you need. Take the time to heed the soft inner voice."

 

 

also what I've learned from this is that just when things seem the hardest or the bleakest, that can be when things are about to turn around for the better, so when you feel like holding on is esp difficult, give it just one more day, one more hour. Your break thru to the other side could be just around the corner

 

when it comes, grab on to it and run!! celebrate the good things, meditate on the good things, put as many good things in your mind as you possibly can. Having a good day? stay off the computer and go and live your life.

 

that's what I am going to do.

 

as I've said repeatedly and I am not one to go back on a promise!! I WILL post my success story when it happens, and it WILL happen.

I will give updates in at least 3 mos intervals to let you know that things have continued to improve.

I may NOT share my tapering with you all, as I feel the need to do that in my own time and my own way. I am going to find a live person who can help monitor how things go, and I strongly suggest that anyone who is able to do so, find a real live person who can actually see and interact with you, to help you monitor your tapering. Maybe for some folks this isn't needed but I think for me, I need to have that extra layer of security.
I am not a fond of the mental health system, not at all, but that small amount of contact with people who were concerned enough to engage with me in a meaningful way, that has made a big difference in my turn around as well.

You need to hear POSITIVE voices, at least I needed to, to counteract the negative ones in my head.

 

Wishing you all a speedy journey to healing, please take good care of yourselves

 

until my next update, all the best to you all!


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#447 AliG

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 05:47 AM

Cat. I'm a bit confused. What do you owe this " turnaround " to ?  What has changed ? I'm not sure I understand. 


Many SSRI's &SSNRI's over 20 years . Zoloft - 7 years .  Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and many more - on and off . No tapering. Cold turkey -  Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                            Drug free since May, 2014
.
             "Find a place inside where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain" - Joseph Campbell


#448 catnapt

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 05:51 AM

I'll respond to that in a private message AliG


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#449 AliG

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 06:19 AM

I think you misunderstood. I'm very happy for you. I was just curious. Well done. 


Many SSRI's &SSNRI's over 20 years . Zoloft - 7 years .  Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and many more - on and off . No tapering. Cold turkey -  Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                            Drug free since May, 2014
.
             "Find a place inside where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain" - Joseph Campbell


#450 catnapt

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 06:28 AM

OK add irritability as a symptom  :blink:

 

ok so things are not 100% but dammit I'm gonna enjoy this good time   :D

  :P :blush: :)


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#451 AliG

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 06:34 AM

I'm happy for you. I'm glad you are enjoying yourself and feeling better. I wish you the very best.


Many SSRI's &SSNRI's over 20 years . Zoloft - 7 years .  Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and many more - on and off . No tapering. Cold turkey -  Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                            Drug free since May, 2014
.
             "Find a place inside where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain" - Joseph Campbell


#452 catnapt

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 12:19 PM

Cat. I'm a bit confused. What do you owe this " turnaround " to ?  What has changed ? I'm not sure I understand. 

 

let's see, I slept, I've been eating more than a tiny bit each day (I've eaten very little food in the past few months, it was great for my grocery bill but not for my health)

the zyprexa certainly helped- I was able to sleep and it gave me my appetite back. Zyprexa is more or less infamous for that (check out the lawsuits)

  it's not a drug anyone would want to be on long term but its never let me down in the past and it didn't this time.

I call it like I see it, these drugs are certainly way over prescribed but there are situations where they do help, and I'm grateful for that.  So sue me LOL  It's probably not what you wanted to hear but that's the way it is.

 

 

in any case,

sleep and good food are incredibly  healing.  :)

 

the rest, I did myself, using all the tools and skills that I've been using right along. Only they weren't nearly as effective as they could have been, if I'd just simply had some sleep and enough calories and nutrients to sustain my body

 

no big mystery, really.


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 


#453 catnapt

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 04:37 AM

Hi Cat,

I am glad you are doing MUCH better . You did what you had to do, and it helped and it is wonderful you got some relief.

I also like plants :) last year I had some tomatoes cucumbers and green peppers growing on a small balcony :)

 

thanks so much Blondie,

I hope things start to turn around for you soon.

They will, I know they will.


2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 30mgs June 2015: tapered to 2.5mgs over a period of about 5 mos, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; HOLDING AT 2.5MGS Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs (not smart!!)

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day) Jan 8, 2017 switched to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs  Jan 12, 2017 2.5mgs zyprexa for sleep, took 1/4 tablet at 6:30pm, slept 4hrs, took 3/4 tablet at 11:35 pm, slept 6 1/2 hrs more YAY Jan 13 to Jan15 1/2 tab zyprexa Jan 16 stopped zyprexa

Current other meds: 240 mgs verapamil  & Supplements: vit D-3, Magnesium taurate 125mg BID, Chromium, probiotic, biotin

 

 

 

 






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