update on how the w/d is going:
episodes of dizziness or light headedness are now few and far between, and extremely brief when they do occur
I didn't mention this before because it sounded so bizarre, but every day at around 4 or 5 pm, I get stuffed up and start sneezing and feel like I'm getting the flu. I also get this feeling like it's hard to breathe, like something is blocking my nose from the outside. odd!
this lasts an hour at most. very strange. this is also becoming briefer and milder!!
I am still focusing more on my good fortune in finding this forum and getting answers to what was happening to me; it's hard for to think about the bad stuff, I don't want to think about it. I want to move forward and leave all that stuff in the past. But I guess some record of how bad it was will be helpful, if not for me, maybe for someone else. Imagine my surprise when my sexual er, success hahahaha! turned out to be something that gives others hope! so I will try to put in as much as I can tolerate putting in this journal.
you know, I had chills when I read the "windows and waves" information here
I have been saying repeated to my different doctors that the symptoms I was having came in waves.
the doctors seemed to be coming to the conclusion that I was either making this up (for attention) or was depressed and just not noticing the actual duration. in any case, I was getting a lot of flack, for lack of a better term, from the drs. When my answer to their question was "I don't know" , they would pressure me for some other answer. I don't know was not an answer, I was told (thinking back on this now, I find that extremely disrespectful if not abusive!)
I would repeat, "I honestly do not know, but IF I had to guess, I'd say____" (usually the questions were about when things started, or got worse, etc, mostly time based questions)
then later on, if something I said conflicted with this forced GUESS, the jackass dr would say "BUT YOU SAID this happened at such and such a time"
I can't dwell on this stuff because It makes me SO angry. honestly, what the HELL were they trying to prove?
it appears from the termination letter from my doctor that there were trying to paint me a liar!!
for what reason, I have no clue!!
I never want to see another doctor as long as I live.
I am on blood pressure medication and if I can lose enough weight and possibly go on the DASH diet (which is very low sodium) and IF I can get my blood pressure to go down to 130/85 without meds, I will seriously consider not taking that med either
I also take celebrex for pain and I am hoping that once I thru with withdrawal that I don't need that either.
I have tried to go off it a couple of times but the pain is too much.
and I was on an anti coagulant but I have stopped that. I might go back on that when I am 65 (in 5yrs) but ONLY IF I've had an actual verified episode of atrial fibrillation before then
back to symptoms of WD: the ups and downs with feeling super cold and then super hot, those have diminished a lot. I have a few hot "flushes" mostly late at night that are more consistent with normal menopausal hot flashes. Not more horrible cold spells! whew! that's really good cuz the weather here has turned cold! it would be twice as bad, I imagine, if I was already cold inside my own body
I hope that others reading this will have hope that things can get better. I have skimmed a few threads and they are so sad and so scary. I have gone thru much of the same things in the past few years of trying multiple times to go off these meds, without any guidance,
and it was horrible and I don't know how I survived. I did, but it wasn't easy and I am just so grateful that I made it thru it.
my heart goes out to those who dont' make it, and to their families.
this is all such a needless tragedy.
I don't know what the future holds for me, but at least now I feel in charge of my fate, at least way more so than at any other time in the past.
I also know that I have been thru hell and survived it, so no matter how bad *things* might get, I have that strength to draw on.
I was never a drinker but the AA motto of one day at a time seems esp relevant for going thru WD
or even one hour, or one moment at a time.
eta: I can see that I am still having some cognitive issues, writing is hard. i miss words. reading is also hard, I have mis read many things from others, my mind seems to fill in or change the things I"m reading.
I hope this will get better soon. ON the one hand I feel much "clearer' but on the other hand, I can see in reading over what I've written that I am still quite fuzzy in my head and thinking.
This makes me hopeful that actual BEING clear headed will soon follow the illusion or the feeling that I have now, that I *am* clear headed!!!
1974-2002 many psych meds, all types; longest used drugs include lithium, seroquel, SSRI's zoloft & celexa; many CT's off drugs
2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as high as 40 mgs, but usually 20mgs
June 2015: tapered too fast to 2.5mgs, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015: found SA forum; holding at 2.5mgs
Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs, not smart- crashed in late Sept.
Oct 26 2016 reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day)= windows and waves
Jan 8, 2017 too quick switch to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs (bad mistake, led to a crash)
Jan 12,2017 added low dose zyprexa for SI, took infrequently as rescue med, last dose Feb.15
Jan 26,2017 lexapro 0.27mg Feb 25 lexapro updose back to 0.3mg due to unrelenting severe insomnia
March 1,2017 insomnia worse, back down to 0.29 to 0.27, to 0.25- improving!! March 17 0.24 April 7 0.21 May7 0.20
March 7, 2017 added low dose lamictal, adjusting dose based on response (currently ~12.5mgs)
Supplements: Magnesium taurate 250mg, chromium, pro-biotic, biotin, glycine