success ☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

[Happy2Heal]

On 12/8/2016 at 12:28 PM, brassmonkey said:

Hi --  I saw your question on PatriciaVP's thread.  I hope KarenB answered it okay.  The 2.5% is just a guideline, it's the amount I started out using and has worked well for me.  Others are using the same concept of four small drops and a hold with a variety of different percentages so it is possible to do it with a much smaller drop each week.  The twice a day dosing makes it a little more tricky but that can be accommodated too.

 

thanks so much Brassmonkey

 

I have a taper schedule written out and I thought it was pretty slow- basically, I'd be going from 0.15 BID to 0.14, 0.13, 0.12, 0.11, 0.1, 0.9, 0.8, 0.7, 0.6, 0.5, 0.4, 0.3, 0.2, 0.1 and then to 0.05 to finish up. This is doing the drops every 4 weeks. annnnndddd, assuming all goes well. 😕

Although I am in a way better place then I was a month or two ago, I get very nervous when I think about dropping at all.

I am having small waves most days, and it seems I have one super good day followed by one not as good.

Still overall, SO much better than anything that came before this, but I guess now that I'm not in the thick of the worst of it, I seem to be more aware and almost hyper vigilant to the smallest of symptoms.

 

Brass, what kind of symptoms do you have now at these low doses? are they all mostly managable? I know, it's different for everyone....but it helps to see if these small tapers really do make a difference.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Happy2Heal]

oh let me begin with a giant ANTI JINX

I have noticed a pattern- I have one super good day (or night, as the case may be) and that is followed by one that is harder, with more waves.

So, I guess reporting my good night will not make any difference   so here goes:

up until last night, the very most that I was able to sleep was possibly 4-5 hrs, in short "naps" with many awakenings and much anxiety and restlessness.

I had one night, Sat night, where I was able to get a lot of rest and had my first sleep long enough where I was able to dream but I still only got maybe a total of 5hrs actual sleep that night.

 

Last night, though, I went to bed by 8:30 and read for awhile. I fell asleep by 9pm I am pretty sure, and didn't wake up again til 11

Got up to use the bathroom and then fell asleep til 4:20 am!! and dreamed a long and involved dream.

I did have the uncomfortable cortisol spike with anxiety and heart pounding (although not super hard pounding,  and throwing my legs over the back of the sofa calmed it down pretty well)
I spent the next few hours listening to my meditation and relaxation tapes as the anxiety was a bit high, but I got thru it

 

so, I slept, what? 2hrs plus about 5 hrs, holy cow that's 7 hrs total!!!!!!  delicious sleep!! (funny thing, the dream was about food, too lol)

 

yes!!

maybe now that I've gotten a few decent hours of sleep into this ol' body, I won't be so clumsy

 

My ankle is all sorts of pretty colors now but not as swollen and is really just tender, not painful. So at least parts of me heal quickly.

I keep talking to my brain, asking it if it's at all possible to speed up this process of healing from the chemicals it was assaulted with.

OK sometimes I beg and plead and implore it to do so   Hey, who wants to have a hard time any longer than they have to, right?

[Blondiee1915]

So glad you were able to get more sleep.  Progress! PS I love dreams about food 

[Happy2Heal]

thanks Blondie

in spite of the worry about one good day, one bad, today was even better and I slept a bit longer last night, waking up at 5 am instead of 4! yay~

 

very mild symptoms, some anxiety was creeping back during the day but I am beating it back with positive self talk etc

 

I am thrilled that things are going so well.

I continue with my healthier habits but am not as super cautious as I was, I ate pasta last night for example and in the past two weeks I had a pc of cake and 2 candy bars!!

so an occasional treat is not a bad thing

 

I continue to eat as many high melatonin foods as I can, hoping that is helping with sleep.

 

it's just so awesome to fall asleep and sleep long enough to dream. I thought I'd have to wait til I was done with my taper off the last bit, to get to this point so this is a greatly appreciated special bonus

 

healing- it's happ'n'in!!!!

[Happy2Heal]

does anyone know if I'll need to taper off of celebrex?

that drug has some terrible side effects and a black box warning. I've lost wt and go to yoga now so I'd like to see how I do without it

 

but am afraid it will mess up my WD from lexapro

 

does anyone know?

 

googled it and found this: https://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2013/08/19/celebrex-side-effect-interactions-are-scary/

 

you need to taper off it to avoid a heart attack!!

Ok that's what I'm going to do. I wonder if the ringing in my ears is from the celebrex and not just the lexapro WD?

I didn't know that celebrex caused that side effect :/

 

I am done with drugs!!!

 

I have found that foods are healing me much better and with NO side effects, except for some much needed wt loss.

 

[Happy2Heal]

ok two good days, one not so good

 

high anxiety day, meh.

 

trying to float, or swim, or whatever works

 

:/

[Happy2Heal]

due to a number of factors, I've decided to re start my taper, so for the next 4 weeks I'll be taking 0.14mgs BID - for a total of 0.28 day

 

I have been on 0.3mgs per day (give or take lol) since late Oct, I'm ready.

 

I'll let you know how it goes

 

I ordered Carole Weekes book on Help for your Nerves or whatever it's called, I think that will help me get thru a lot of the stuff I struggle with.

 

wish me luck, ok

[Junglechicken]

Good luck, healin is happ'n!

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Happy2Heal]

thanks so much JC!

 

yup healin is happen'n

 

and it's great!!

 

[PatriciaVP]

Glad to hear you're feeling well enough to restart your taper. That's huge! I'm afraid I'll be holding now for a good long time. Need to get to a place where I can go forward without any melt downs.

 

Thank you again for your support this past week. Don't know what I would have done without you and Frogie.

[Happy2Heal]

{{{{{Patricia}}}}}}

 

well I'll see how this goes. This is more of a trial run to see if it's time to taper, or not.

 in a few days, if I feel a lot worse, I'll hold.

 

but if after a week or so, it seems ok, I'll wait the 4 weeks and drop a tiny bit again then.

 

keeping it flexible, depending on how it goes.

 

I'm in a good place now, no life stresses (except for the ones my mind dreams up, that is lol) so it seems like a good time to do this

 

I don't celebrate the holidays, no family dinners or anything like that so the holidays are a pretty quiet time of year for me.

[Frogie]

Please be careful, I worry about you.

 

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Happy2Heal]

don't worry, this is a lot more careful then jumping off at 2.5mgs and MUCH better than dropping my doses as fast as I did back in the summer of 2105

[Frogie]

Ok, I'll take your word for it.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Godiswithme]

I am reinstating .25mg of escitalopram. Maybe less. Can you tell me how you knew when to stop increasing the amount of reinstatement? Thank you.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Happy2Heal]

On 12/14/2016 at 5:11 AM, Godiswithme said:

I am reinstating .25mg of escitalopram. Maybe less. Can you tell me how you knew when to stop increasing the amount of reinstatement? Thank you.

 

 

hi GISW, when did you reinstate?

 

how are you feeling now?

 

I personally would not increase at all, but it's completely up to you.

I did stabilize but it took about a month; however each and every day, at least one symptom, usually several, got better.

 

I messed things up by updosing a few times, I strongly would suggest that you stick to the dose you reinstated at, and wait a minimum of a week to see how things go

 

Keep good track of your symptoms on paper, this is the most important thing to do at this time!

it can show you what is improving, even when you feel like crap and feel like nothing is getting better- most likely there WILL be things getting better, so there's no need to updose,

and updosing may make things worse, as they did for me.

 

You will do fine, you've gone thru so much already, remember how STRONG you are and that you will get thru this.

All of this time, whether you can feel it or not, your brain IS HEALING

 

you are getting better and it won't be long before you can see and feel that too.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Happy2Heal]

quick update: I am now on day 4 of a tiny taper and doing ok.

I still have small waves (that feel worse only because they remind me of the worst ones, not because they are all that bad, they are NOT)

and they remind me of how long this has been going on.

It's so easy during a wave to forget the good times, isn't it?

 

the good times, the healing, is getting better each day. Every day there is at least a small improvement in things that I didn't even know I was having an issue with.

it's almost like being reborn.

it's scary and nerve wracking but also very exciting.

I don't know where this will end up, but I am trying to summon the courage to be open to whatever comes my way.

I focus as much as I can on the good things, and it seems to be bringing more good things my way.

 

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Cat! Glad the taper is going well so far. Fingers crossed for you . This is very exciting you are doing so well and so close to be off the med. whenever I need some motivation I just read your thread ))

[Happy2Heal]

thanks Blondie

 

today was my best day so far!
just when I think things can't get any better, they do!!!

it's wonderful.

[Godiswithme]

very, very happy for you.

Will you please explain to me what happened when you reinstated? Did you feel 50% better? Or what percentage?

Why would you not up dose of you were me? Did things get worse every time you tried to up dose? When you stabilized at a month, did you still get waves? Thank you.

I have not reinstated yet.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Godiswithme]

.

[Happy2Heal]

On 12/16/2016 at 1:52 AM, Godiswithme said:

very, very happy for you.

Will you please explain to me what happened when you reinstated? Did you feel 50% better? Or what percentage?

Why would you not up dose of you were me? Did things get worse every time you tried to up dose? When you stabilized at a month, did you still get waves? Thank you.

 

Hi GISW

oh I didn't realize you had not reinstated, I thought you said you were taking 0.25? My mistake, my vision is still not always so good.

 

OK when I reinstated, right away that day, about 4 hrs after taking the tiny dose, I felt my body/muscles relax. I didn't even know that they were tight!

that was on just 0.05mgs one time a day.

I added a second dose pretty quickly after that, since 0.05 is really tiny LOL and again in a few days,

finally  landed at 0.15 twice a day  

But at one point, I was adding middle of the day doses of 0.05mgs and taking a different dose at night than in the morning, and that was NOT good. My symptoms bounced all over the place and I had one night where I got no sleep at all. I should have stayed at the 0.15 twice a day at that point.

 

So, once I was stable on the 0.3 mgs in divided doses, each and every day, one or more symptom got better, at least a little bit.

Now, you have to keep in mind that at that time, I had well over 40 symptoms! and most of them were quite bad.

 

It was, however, about 2 weeks before I got enough relief that I felt I had had a window. It wasn't symptom free, it was just a period of time when things were tolerable and I could go about my life almost normally.

 

also, every day has had a similar pattern- mornings are always the hardest for me, with the most symptoms and as the day goes on, things get better.

 

I don't know if you can really go by how things went for me, though.

I have done a tremendous amount of work through out all of this- learning how to meditate, how to relax my body and how to redirect my mind. I've listened to countless hours of meditation and hypnosis and relaxation tapes CDs and videos. I go to yoga once a week and try to do some at home

I practice breathing exercises.

I spend hours on the phone with a very supportive person (our very own Frogie) and I stay away from negative people and the news, limit my time on FB and only go do groups about rats or cats or funny things.

I have adjusted my diet and added foods high in melatonin.  I look for other foods and spices that might help with sleep and with staying calm and just overall good health

 

Four years ago, I started transitioning to a plant based, whole foods diet, very low sugar, low fat, no or very little animal products, no  or very little processed foods. That has made a HUGE difference in how I feel and also, I believe, in how my recovery is going.

I try to get in a half hour of walking each day but that's difficult here in New England in the winter.

 

it's a lot of work, to be honest and I am proud of myself for doing it all but in a way, I didn't have much choice LOL

I did not want to feel so bad, so I found as many ways of helping myself feel better and get better, as I could

It's an ongoing process, I still look for more ways to help myself heal and be healthy.

 

 

I hope that helps you!!

 

are you tracking your symptoms? that should help you make the decision to reinstate or not. If things are getting better, you may wish to hold off.

It really depends on your own personal circumstances and how much you can tolerate.

 

good luck!

 

PS just realized I missed one of your questions, yes I got waves, and still do. I am still in withdrawal and don't expect that I will be fully healed til I am done with my taper

 

but the waves are small and not that bad 😉

almost silly to even mention them, but I want to be honest with you, I do have some

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Godiswithme]

Thank you.

[Happy2Heal]

On 12/16/2016 at 1:52 AM, Godiswithme said:

very, very happy for you.

Will you please explain to me what happened when you reinstated? Did you feel 50% better? Or what percentage?

Why would you not up dose of you were me? Did things get worse every time you tried to up dose? When you stabilized at a month, did you still get waves? Thank you.

I have not reinstated yet.

Hi

I guess I was half asleep when I answered this early this morning sorry!

 

when I first reinstated, I felt a tiny bit better, maybe about 5%? or I don't know, 2%? it was a very small change but I was desperate for ANY kind of relief, so I was thrilled.

I was also very happy because I didn't know if reinstating so late after jumping off at 2.5mgs was going to help at all!!!

so any positive change, was a big deal to me.

 

It took much longer to get to 50% better; that's really only happened in the past couple of weeks.

But as I've said many times, I did see some improvement each and every day. Of course I was looking for it, and held onto it, as proof of healing.

You have to be open to seeing the good, to seeing the positive changes, and not dwell on how bad things still are.

Any time I got frustrated and wanted things to be better, quicker, I would end up feeling worse.

As soon as I accepted that I had no control over how long this was going to take, and stopped panicking any time I had a wave, the sooner things started to proceed quickly to feeling a lot better.

 

I know this whole experience is horribly unfair and very unpleasant, but at the very least, we can change how we see it. and that does help immensely.

 

I so wish I could come and say, ok this is what I did and it worked out great and there was no discomfort but that's not true. It's been hard, very very hard.

 

The main thing to focus on though, is that it did NOT last forever!! it IS getting better. I am healing.

You are too, we all are.

 

We need to hold on to that, to celebrate that, because this journey is a tough one. Knowing that it's a journey TOWARDS health makes it somewhat more bearable, I think.

 

at least, that's my humble opinion.

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Godiswithme]

Thank you again. Did you deal with brand new side effects when reinstating?

[Happy2Heal]

Thank you again. Did you deal with brand new side effects when reinstating?

no, I don't think so. Not that I recall.

 

oh wait, I do have the lexapro yawn, I didn't have that before reinstating (it's just a yawn when you're not tired) and a bit of a tight feeling around my  head or a mild headache sometime.

 

so nothing major. Considering that mostly all of the withdrawal symptoms have improved, I barely notice those things.

I would love to be able to fall asleep and sleep all night, that has still not happened. I think I have cobbled together possibly 5 1/2 hrs in one night, but to sleep straight thru for that long, that would be heaven.

 

I expect that will happen at some point. At least now when I wake up, I am not in a terrible panic any more. And if I don't eat too late, and keep the tv off, I don't have that cortisol spike, or if I do, it's a small one.

[Godiswithme]

Thanks!

[Happy2Heal]

Thanks!

you're very welcome

[Altostrata]

Interesting about the cortisol spike. Do you keep your bedroom very dark in the morning?

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Happy2Heal]

On 12/16/2016 at 4:14 PM, Altostrata said:

Interesting about the cortisol spike. Do you keep your bedroom very dark in the morning?

 

not always! in fact, last night I fell asleep with the TV on, something I've been trying *not* to do, but I did not have the cortisol spike today.

I did wake up around er, 4:30 I guess? but was able to rest for a few hours afterward.

Last night, I fell asleep watching a show at 10pm and when I first woke up to go to the bathroom, it was midnight I believe, so got 2hrs sleep there. Then slept from about 12:30 to 4:30ish- so this could be my best night's sleep so far. (it's not possible to say for sure, since I have been trying to keep the lights out, and have not been checking the clock when I wake up for any reason, whether its to go to the bathroom etc, so there's a chance I've had one or two nights that were similar)

 

I started drinking warm soy milk (or almond milk but I prefer the soy) with turmeric and cinnamon in it. It's supposed to help with sleep although I forget why. I'll have a mug of that before bed, and sometimes during the day too.

 

 

OH, and yesterday was my yoga day! I am doing two classes now, the chair yoga, which has more meditation to it, and a mat yoga class 2 hrs later.

I am friends with the yoga instructor, so she comes to my house for lunch after the first class and then we go back to the Sr Center for the second class.

 

I wish she had a class every day!

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Happy2Heal]

taper from 0.3 to 0.28 is going well,  8 days in and my pattern of more good days than bad continues, and the days with waves, the waves are mild.

 

as before, each day that does not have any waves is better than the one before, but the difference is smaller now, as the days really can't get too much better without being in full recovery.

 

but on the days I have a wave, my brain goes right to absurd thoughts like "this is bad and it will never get better" !! so please, do keep track of your symptoms because it is SO easy to think that things are not improving when you are in a wave!

 

you will see that you are healing, just as I am.

 

and before you know it, you'll be writing your success story.

[Frogie]

That is sooo awesome.

 

I hope my taper goes well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Happy2Heal]

That is sooo awesome.

 

I hope my taper goes well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

thanks Frogie

 

If you take it slow, your taper should go better than mine (I didn't do this the right way at all, did I? lol)

 

 

thanks Frogie

 

yeh, just take it slow ( a LOT slower than I did!!) and you should be fine

[Happy2Heal]

another high anxiety day with some added muscle tension, not liking that

 

am re thinking doing a taper now.

I see my doctor at the end of Jan, if I can get the lexapro Rxed for a while longer, I am going to hold at the dose I"m at now.

 

Not worth losing all the ground I've gained, if I can help it.

 

I did go up and down on this damn drug so many times, I kinda figured this would not be as easy as I wanted it to be, but I also figured that keeping a positive outlook couldn't hurt

 

why worry about what hasn't- and may not- happen?? right?

 

save your energy and enjoy the good times

 

when rough times come, as they will, even if you are NOT in withdrawal, you'll have that extra store of energy and memories of the good times to help you get thru

 

;-)

[Junglechicken]

I got to hand it to you for your positivity.

 

Very impressive!

 

Hugs,

JC

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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[Happy2Heal]

Quote

I got to hand it to you for your positivity.

 

Very impressive!

 

Hugs,

JC

 

 

 

thanks JC but just ask Frogie what a basket case I've been today LOL

 

yeh I'm still trying to put a positive spin on it, for sure but wow, when a crappy wave hits, it can knock you right on your behind!!

I am getting thru the day, with a LOT of help from my good friend and some well worn relaxation tapes LOL

 

I keep checking the mail to see if my Carole Weeks book has arrived yet, I am so looking forward to working with that and seeing how I can change my thoughts to cut off the anxiety before it morphs into panic or dread, etc

 

this is a tough job, but we TOUGHER!!

 

and as a JungleChicken, I bet you are the toughest!!!

(with a tender heart, though)

 

thanks for stopping by, i must check out your thread while I'm here- hope things have smoothed out for you a bit.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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