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☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right


Happy2Heal

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I understand that is how it feels to you BUT there is one really big difference between the two.  First hand experience.  People at SA aren't trying to control you, only offer you wisdom and suggestions from their own experience/s and knowledge.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Administrator

Please keep daily notes of your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. This will help us figure out what's causing what.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Mentor

Please keep daily notes of your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. This will help us figure out what's causing what.

 

 

I have very detailed notes.

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm sorry if you felt pushed.

 

We get excited here when someone starts (or re-starts) a new drug - because there is delayed reaction that is sometimes difficult to see.  It is so easy to start them, but another story when you are ready to come off.  There are a lot of things I could have said about olanzapine but I didn't want to push. 

 

I'm glad you are feeling better.  I hope it continues.

 

Please update your signature so we know what your dosages are?

 

If you have changed to 5 mg, please put in the date of the change?

 

Thank you.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • Mentor

quick update, no time to update signature and do not need any advice at this time, thanks

 

tapered off the zyprexa, only symptom I noticed (which may be from lexapro taper or both) is a some sporadic trouble with body temp, sometimes cold, sometimes too hot, but these episodes are very brief, nothing like before

 

started taper on lexapro, now at 0.27 for at least 10 days (prior to purposely tapering, I would often get an air bubble in the syringe that made the dose 0.27 so I've been at 0.27 a bit longer since I was too lazy to try to get the 0.3 dose exactly)

so far, so good.

 

still prefer not to have contact with ppl here, it's working out well for me.

It's far to easy for me to be drawn back to the dark stuff, I hope you'll all understand

 

oh I got a light box and use it for about a half hour or so every morning. No idea if it's working or not.

 

My sleep is still broken but most days I am ok with that, have an occasional day where I"m grumpy and tired but for the most part, too busy to notice.

 

 

my plan is to continue the taper every 28 days, next dose drop will be to 0.25 and then after that I think I'll crawl along at 0.24, 0.23. 0.22 etc

we'll see how it goes LOL

 

I don't anticipate any troubles. this is typically my best time of year, and since I lost so much time over the past months, I am very very busy catching up and  just enjoying life.

 

I no longer have doubts about tapering off the SSRI, there were a few days when I thought, OMG what if it's done permanent damage to my receptors and I need a small dose forever???? but I feel like, with time, every bit of "brain function" will return.

 

wishing you all the very best, esp health and healing!

 

<3

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Hi Cat,

 

Great update ! Happy you are doing well . And yes keep busy enjoy your life and focus on you and what works for you .

 

Best wishes

 

B

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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Cat.  Given your current feelings, I'm surprised that you still keep posting. If you prefer not to have contact with ppl here then why do you continue to do so ?

 

It's a little perplexing as all any of us has ever tried to do is help you. I'm sorry that you don't see that. Maybe one day you will. I hope so.  

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Mentor

Cat.  Given your current feelings, I'm surprised that you still keep posting. If you prefer not to have contact with ppl here then why do you continue to do so ?

 

It's a little perplexing as all any of us has ever tried to do is help you. I'm sorry that you don't see that. Maybe one day you will. I hope so.  

 

I promised that I would update anyone following my thread on my progress.

 

I do not want anyone to contact me outside of posting to my thread, is what I mean, thank you

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

Cat.  Given your current feelings, I'm surprised that you still keep posting. If you prefer not to have contact with ppl here then why do you continue to do so ?

 

It's a little perplexing as all any of us has ever tried to do is help you. I'm sorry that you don't see that. Maybe one day you will. I hope so.  

no where have I said or even implied that I've not gotten help here

 

i have thanked you explicitly and abundantly for your assistance and kindness, I don't understand why you are reading things into my posts that are not there

 

I do not wish to keep revisiting the past, it's not helpful for me.

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

just popping in with an update.

I had a run of great days,  a window, I guess. :)

nice big open window, lots of sun!! loved it.

 

 

overall, I have very few WD symptoms and those I have are mild.   eating or any strong emotions cause what I used to call hot flashes, and who knows, maybe they are...? I prefer to think of them that way now, because that seems more innocuous to me - and more "normal" and more than anything, I want to feel normal.

I have broken sleep but I do sleep and most of the time, I feel like I'm getting an adequate amnt of sleep, so I try not to stress over that.

 

I've had no anxiety, cortisol spikes, etc for a long time. Ok it *feels* like a long time, exactly how long it's been I don't know, but I don't feel the need to go back and figure that out.

 

I did get reckless and went off my great diet and am regretting that. I ate a lot of candy and processed foods, and have had a low mood, fatigue and body aches and pains as a result of that.

 

I'm getting back on my old healthy diet and starting to feel better, but have fatigue and a low mood, a mild feeling of discontentment that seems worse because I had some really great days.

 

I am finding that a lot of the work I need to do, to live drug free, will involve taking control of my thinking.

I saw that "change your brain, change your life" guy on public TV the other night, Dr Amen, it seems to be CBT stuff but I don't hear him using that word

 

here's a link to a video clip by him and his wife:

http://danielamenmd.com/3-quick-steps-to-stop-negative-thinking-now/

 

 

I'll update my signature in a bit, basically not much has changed. I tapered off the zyprexa and I am on 0.27 of the liquid lexapro.

Oh, no, there's another change, sorry LOL forgot! I tapered off the verapamil, and just need to go and get my BP checked to make sure it's staying down, and I also requested a lower dose of the celebrex (100mgs down from 200mgs) but I rarely take it anyway. I did take one celebrex 200mgs over last weekend for joint pain after eating two huge candy bars :(

 

so, I'm *almost* drug free! I am so excited about that!
I do still take some supplements, nothing has changed there, and once I get back on my good diet, I think I'll be back to feeling a lot better, no more fatigue and hopefully no more low mood.

 

I had some pretty severe insomnia after using the light box for a few days, so stopped using it.
Now I think I might benefit from it(for the low mood) but I am going to start out with the light on the lower intensity and use it for a shorter period of time, like 15 mins to start or something

 

I did have a lot less trouble sleeping on the days that I didn't use it at all but the low mood also crept in, not sure how much of that was diet related though.

 

 

so healing DOES happen!

I wish it didnt' still do the two steps forward, one or one half step back, but all along the way, the direction has always been for the better, so that's good

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

I should preface everything with "anti jinx" I guess........ :(

 

no sooner do I think things are going well, then my brain/thoughts start to slip back into dark places. and today I had a burst of neuro emotions, I guess- anger, not pretty, slammed some doors, yelled a bit.

 

It immediately thought of the emotional spiral posts, and have been working to fight off those thoughts that lead me down the path to anger, (as well as the dark ones, the gloomy I'm no good thoughts)

It wasn't too hard to get rid of the angry stuff, as I'm not an angry person in general so just being angry upsets and scares me.

 

but these dark thoughts, OY! I don't know how to eradicate them.

It seems no longer have I gotten rid of one gloomy train of thought, another one comes along in it's place

I tried to do things to keep myself busy but I'm at the point where I need to make some decisions (I'm doing some sewing, its one of my favorite hobbies) anyway I can't really go much further in the sewing without making some decisions- like, which fabric to use, which things to make- and who to make them for! LOL I do most of my sewing for other ppl but there's a few things I'd like to make for myself.

 

I hope tomorrow is better :/

today has been just awful

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

Is this true for anyone else?

I feel like WD has made me afraid of my own brain and thoughts.

 

I know that thinking positive can help so when I have these dark thoughts, I fight SO hard against them, trying to get my brain to think of positive happy things and when it doesn't work, I get horribly frightened that my brain/thoughts will take over and run my life, the bad ones, of course, not the good ones.

 

When I have a window, I think that being positive about it, and thinking it means the end of WD symptoms, that will keep the window open, so to speak

but when it doesn't work out that way, I just get so scared.

 

It is now at least 16 days into reducing from 0.3 to 0.27

 

overall, things have been ok, BUT overlapping this period of dropping a tiny bit in the lexapro dose, was that time period when I was also on zyprexa.

Between Jan 12 and today, I've taken at least some small amnt of the zyprexa on 16 days total, so 16 days taking zyprexa and 13 days not taking any.

 

kinda makes it hard to sort things out, I know. I REALLY needed the zyprexa to get thru what I was going thru, and I'm not 100% sure I can manage without it going forward.

I cancelled the appt with the NP who Rxed it but after having such a bad day yesterday, I rescheduled (but have to wait til early next month to see her)

I am just tired of being afraid.  It doesn't even seem like anxiety, and my body is quite calm. I don't have any of the things that normally go with feeling anxious, I just have fearful thoughts.

 

It sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I try to distract myself as much as possible and it works for short periods, then the darkness comes back in.

 

I was so positive that I'd be healed by now, so much for the power for positive thinking!!!!!

 

why do the negative thoughts seem to have so much more power????

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Moderator

Hi:

 

I'm sorry you are having your dark thought again. I was so hoping you were doing really well. In your posts you seemed so happy and busy.

 

I'm here if you need to talk.

 

Have a good weekend. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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  • Mentor

I was happy and busy, and then- back again in a wave

 

I keep thinking I'm going to be that "special one" that only gets windows and avoids all the waves, kinda stupid of me to think that way.

I am getting confused between positive thinking and facing reality  I guess, I don't know.

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

I don't anticipate any troubles. this is typically my best time of year, and since I lost so much time over the past months, I am very very busy catching up and  just enjoying life.

 

 

you'd think after all this time I'd realize that nothing is going to be that easy, eh??

 

I wrote that on Feb 4th and here it is, Feb 11th and I am back to fighting 'monsters' as JanCarol called them.

 

I need to find a way to befriend these things I guess... I don't know. why is this still so damn hard?

 

I did a quick google search regarding zyprexa and my totally unscientific feeling about it is that the 'positive' effect it had on me may have something to do with it's action on dopamine, which is apparently a "reward" chemical (way oversimplified, for sure) so that may be why I suddenly felt so damn  good.

 

just a chemical reaction. :/

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Hi. These are rough times. Sorry to hear about your dark thoughts. Im in the same boat as you, tapering a ultra low dose of Lexapro. I've been thinking about how to get accurate doses at this level. I just cant find a rstional way to make sure the dose is correct. How can you differentiate between a dose from 0.3 to 0.27. In my head that is not possible. Im at 0.08 now, which i believe is better than zero. Other than that Im clueless to hoe accurate that measure is.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

<p>Sept 2015: 5 mg Cipralex for 3 weeks. Lots of side effects. Reduced to 2.5 mg for 2 weeks. Experiencing withdrawal and side effects still after dose reduction. Quit after almost 4 weeks on 2.5 mg because of adverse effects. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms still. Reinstating 1mg after 3 weeks. Reduced to 0.50 after 2 days due to sensitive reaction (dysautonomia) and trip to ER. January 2016: After 14 months of tapering from 0.5 mg im now down to 0.08mg. Planing on one more drop before 4-8 weeks healing, then jump to zero. 14.03.17: Lexapro free!

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  • Mentor
On 1/25/2017 at 5:52 PM, JanCarol said:

Hey!

 

This segues into another concern for you, which is the TV.  

 

I remember dating a man in the 80's, and he left the TV on, in the bedroom, all the time.  Back then, in the 80's, the TV was more innocuous than it is now.  They have designed the TV to flash or sound or shift in sequence to keep your brain in a certain receptive alert state.  This happens whether you have the sound on or not.  Leaving the TV on for company, is akin to inviting all the manipulators into your brain and letting them tweak the firing of it.

 

 

 

Hi JanCarol,

is this true for public tv as well? I leave the tv on a PBS station at night.

 

so far I have found that I get NO sleep, or at most 90 mins sleep, if I don't have the TV on.

I know this isn't ideal but a little bit of broken sleep is better than no sleep, at least for right now, I was seriously horrendously suicidal when I was not getting any sleep.

The zyprexa was a short term fix, I know that now (and I kind of knew that then, but I had to try it)

 

It got me thru the worst of it, now I am terrified things will go back that way, and still not sure how to move forward

 

I made a CD from one of those Pure Theta waves. I can't get that Delta waves you linked to copied over to a CD because it's so long, are there any shorter ones?

I have played the Theta waves CD several times and it does not help me to get to sleep.

 

I should note that, for the most part, I don't usually have trouble falling asleep THE FIRST TIME, which is generally for 60 to 90 mins.

it's everything AFTER that where I have trouble. getting back to sleep and staying asleep

 

This has been an ongoing issue ever since Sept or probably earlier but I didn't notice it as much because my hours were totally turned around, I was awake at night and slept during the day.

those messed up hours go back to last spring when I was sick and when I jumped off the lexapro at 2.5mgs, but I have had issues with a totally messed up sleep schedule most of my life.

 

so anyway, I am still at the place where I don't get any restful sleep and I just don't know what to do

 

I was able to sleep on the zyprexa at first. I think it gave my brain a dopamine boost, that's my theory anyway, I dont really know what it did, but it pulled me thru so for that I'm glad.

 

I don't know what to do now.

 

if someone can find me a delta wave video or audio that I can convert to put on a CD that would be great., I don't have an mp3 player just a CD player

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor
On 2/12/2017 at 12:56 AM, Cipramillion said:

Hi. These are rough times. Sorry to hear about your dark thoughts. Im in the same boat as you, tapering a ultra low dose of Lexapro. I've been thinking about how to get accurate doses at this level. I just cant find a rstional way to make sure the dose is correct. How can you differentiate between a dose from 0.3 to 0.27. In my head that is not possible. Im at 0.08 now, which i believe is better than zero. Other than that Im clueless to hoe accurate that measure is.

 

hi Cipramillion

so sorry to hear you're in a bad place too, it sucks, doesn't it?

I am not sure I understand your question, must be the brain fog.... 😕

I draw up the liquid into the syringe and to be honest, there are times when there is an air bubble that messes up the dose. before deciding to drop from 0.3 to 0.27,  I would sometimes just take the 'wonky' dose, which was between 0.27 and 0.28

 

it *is* very hard to see these tiny doses, that's for sure. When I first re instated back in Oct, I was taking 0.05 to start but updosed fairly quickly to the 0.3 dose.

 

I hope that things turn around for you. Are you still planning to do your next taper?

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

I agree. We shoot and hope for the best. The bubbles sure are frustrating! In Europe lexapro liquid only comes in 20mg/ml, which is insane. Why cant they make appropriate doses for people in withdrawal? Those bastards! If we are this sensitive, could our symptoms get worse because the dose gets messed up? I believe that could be the case for us at such low doses. Anyway. Still better than zero right? 

 

Im planning my next tapper in about 4-6 days. Im going down to 0.04. Then 4-6 weeks and hopefully zero after that. Im begging for a miracle! 

 

What is your plan for further tapering? 

<p>Sept 2015: 5 mg Cipralex for 3 weeks. Lots of side effects. Reduced to 2.5 mg for 2 weeks. Experiencing withdrawal and side effects still after dose reduction. Quit after almost 4 weeks on 2.5 mg because of adverse effects. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms still. Reinstating 1mg after 3 weeks. Reduced to 0.50 after 2 days due to sensitive reaction (dysautonomia) and trip to ER. January 2016: After 14 months of tapering from 0.5 mg im now down to 0.08mg. Planing on one more drop before 4-8 weeks healing, then jump to zero. 14.03.17: Lexapro free!

Link to comment
  • Mentor

I agree. We shoot and hope for the best. The bubbles sure are frustrating! In Europe lexapro liquid only comes in 20mg/ml, which is insane. Why cant they make appropriate doses for people in withdrawal? Those bastards! If we are this sensitive, could our symptoms get worse because the dose gets messed up? I believe that could be the case for us at such low doses. Anyway. Still better than zero right? 

 

Im planning my next tapper in about 4-6 days. Im going down to 0.04. Then 4-6 weeks and hopefully zero after that. Im begging for a miracle! 

 

What is your plan for further tapering? 

 

 

Oh wow, I didn't realize your dosing was different.  I have liquid that is 1mg/ml so I am actually taking less than a mg.

 

are you diluting your liquid so that your dose is really 0.08mgs or is it 0.08mls, which is really um, gotta find a calculator,  something like 1.6mgs?

 

I am no good at math, sorry.

 

Yes they should not make it so hard for us to taper.

:/

 

 

I hope your next taper goes well.

I am undecided about what to do, regarding tapering, I think it might be good for me to stay where I am for now.

I was going to decrease after 4 weeks but I'm about 3 weeks in and not feeling so great, so, maybe it's not a good time to try to go any lower.

 

sometimes I feel like I should UP dose but then I remember how long it's taken to get to where I am now (and that was even doing it the wrong way, tapering way too fast at first) and I think, why mess things up?

 

praying for you and for us all.

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Yeah, i completely understand. No rush. Updosing could mean a lot of trouble and even longer taper. Better to wait out and play safe. Hope you feel better from the wave soon. I sure will follow your way to succsess!

 

My dose is 0.08mg. I dilute in water first. Pro chemist! :)

<p>Sept 2015: 5 mg Cipralex for 3 weeks. Lots of side effects. Reduced to 2.5 mg for 2 weeks. Experiencing withdrawal and side effects still after dose reduction. Quit after almost 4 weeks on 2.5 mg because of adverse effects. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms still. Reinstating 1mg after 3 weeks. Reduced to 0.50 after 2 days due to sensitive reaction (dysautonomia) and trip to ER. January 2016: After 14 months of tapering from 0.5 mg im now down to 0.08mg. Planing on one more drop before 4-8 weeks healing, then jump to zero. 14.03.17: Lexapro free!

Link to comment
  • Mentor

Yeah, i completely understand. No rush. Updosing could mean a lot of trouble and even longer taper. Better to wait out and play safe. Hope you feel better from the wave soon. I sure will follow your way to succsess!

 

My dose is 0.08mg. I dilute in water first. Pro chemist! :)

oh wow that's gotta be hard to do!!

 

are you feeling mostly healed now?

 

some days I feel like I am almost there, others, like today, not so much :(

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Im constantly improving, but its all waves and windows for me also. Im struggling with hypersensitivity and akathisia. Like you, i have good and bad days. A lot of healing has happened since this all started 14 months ago. I`m very excited about getting of this poison now. 

 

We will beat this curse in the end!

 

Im impressed by the way you have managed to handle this over such a long time. You are a great fighter and a role model for all the rest of us!

<p>Sept 2015: 5 mg Cipralex for 3 weeks. Lots of side effects. Reduced to 2.5 mg for 2 weeks. Experiencing withdrawal and side effects still after dose reduction. Quit after almost 4 weeks on 2.5 mg because of adverse effects. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms still. Reinstating 1mg after 3 weeks. Reduced to 0.50 after 2 days due to sensitive reaction (dysautonomia) and trip to ER. January 2016: After 14 months of tapering from 0.5 mg im now down to 0.08mg. Planing on one more drop before 4-8 weeks healing, then jump to zero. 14.03.17: Lexapro free!

Link to comment
  • Mentor

Im constantly improving, but its all waves and windows for me also. Im struggling with hypersensitivity and akathisia. Like you, i have good and bad days. A lot of healing has happened since this all started 14 months ago. I`m very excited about getting of this poison now. 

 

We will beat this curse in the end!

 

Im impressed by the way you have managed to handle this over such a long time. You are a great fighter and a role model for all the rest of us!

 

 

Good to hear that you're seeing improvements and glad you recognize that there's been healing. I  get into spaces in my mind where I don't think anything has improved at all but that's clearly not true. I have to keep reminding myself. :P

 

oh my, I personally would not be impressed by the way I've handled things, hahahaha. I'm actually miffed at myself for screwing up the doses not once but several times. So believe me, I'm no role model *blush* 

Unless you mean on how NOT to do things, hahaha

 

Today has been such a long hard day.  *sigh*

 

 

Yep we WILL beat this.

I will be interested to know how it goes when you get down to zero. I pray that it is smooth sailing for you from then on!

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey!

 

PBS would be better than commercial TV, to be sure.  But I've even found that science programs like Nature and Nova, and some of the History programs (It's been 15 years since I've watched PBS, so it could be creeping into more "beta" since then) were manipulative, and would tend to have camera (light) changes at the right times to keep you awake.  It would be better than commercial TV, but still not ideal.

 

Sorry about the theta thing - that was not my intent.  Theta is a phase that you pass THROUGH on the way to sleep. Normally, you don't stay there long.  In shamanism, we try to stay there longer, to access active, creative states.  So - not the best for sleep.

 

I had trouble finding short Delta ones.  Let me see what I can find in my collection and maybe I'll send you something in PM.  The ones on YouTube are all 4-8 hours long, which is awesome.

 

I'm lucky, my husband is a musician and musical engineer/producer.  The ABC (Aussie version of NPR) played Max Richter's 8 hour "Sleep suite" one night, and we recorded it all night long, and hubby remastered it into something I can use.  It stays in Delta, and is very soothing and pleasing.  I relax as soon as I hear the first notes; it's just that good.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey - 

 

Quote

 

I did get reckless and went off my great diet and am regretting that. I ate a lot of candy and processed foods, and have had a low mood, fatigue and body aches and pains as a result of that.

 

 

That's classic olanzapine!

 

I'm glad to hear you have found Dr. Amen.  My only caution for him is about money (his proper services are quite $$$$).  But the free stuff should be fine!  If I were doing this technique, I would get a picture of an anteater to look at - put it on my bathroom mirror, or next to my computer monitor!

http://www.zoonewengland.org/media/339782/anteater_gallery3.jpg

 

OK, it says you updated your signature, but your signature doesn't say you are off zyprexa now?  

Quote

 

 I tapered off the zyprexa and I am on 0.27 of the liquid lexapro.

Oh, no, there's another change, sorry LOL forgot! I tapered off the verapamil, and just need to go and get my BP checked to make sure it's staying down, and I also requested a lower dose of the celebrex (100mgs down from 200mgs) but I rarely take it anyway. I did take one celebrex 200mgs over last weekend for joint pain after eating two huge candy bars  :(

 

That is a lot of drug changes in a very short time.  Please wait before tapering any further on the lexapro.  

 

Have you started fish oil yet?

 

Quote

 

It immediately thought of the emotional spiral posts, and have been working to fight off those thoughts that lead me down the path to anger, (as well as the dark ones, the gloomy I'm no good thoughts)

It wasn't too hard to get rid of the angry stuff, as I'm not an angry person in general so just being angry upsets and scares me.

 

but these dark thoughts, OY! I don't know how to eradicate them.

It seems no longer have I gotten rid of one gloomy train of thought, another one comes along in it's place

 

There are a couple of ways you can approach them.

 

One is to repeat them over and over, sing to a nursery rhyme, until the dark thought becomes completely ridiculous.  Laughter is the clearest way through the dark forest.  It hurts so much I had to laugh.

 

Another is to just let them be.  If you fight them, and wrestle with each thought, you will be exhausted.  Just watch them - like the train cars - let them go.

 

They may be there for a reason.  You may be trying to feel your feelings again.  I know that when my feelings came back, the first ones to return were the dark ones.  The sadness, the grief, the horror, the relentless sadness and hopelessness.  Go ahead and feel them.  Maybe by feeling them, allowing them some space, you can clear the table and make room for happier ones.  Maybe they aren't going away until you give them voice.

 

Another possibility is worry dolls.  I wrote about it here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/page-3?p=262058#entry262058

 

Quote

 

1.  Worry dolls.

 

You know, they are a favourite "cheap souvenir" from Central and South America - a tiny box with tiny little dolls in colorful clothing.

 

There is significant wisdom in the worry dolls, limited only by your imagination.  Some anti-anxiety CBT recommends that you dedicate 5 min a day to "worry" and then put it away, well the dolls give you a physical symbol of that.

 

It's simple.  You don't have anyone who understands you.  Maybe the yellow doll understands why you feel so helpless, but the red doll understands when you get angry, and the blue doll listens to you when you are crying.  Talk to the little dolls.  

 

Say it out loud, if you can, or whisper it to them:  "I'm afraid that...."  "that is making me tense...." "s/he is giving me a hard time" or even "nobody understands."  Whisper it to the dolls, and then close them up in their box.

 

The subconscious can then work on solutions - if you want to imagine, the dolls talking together to solve your problems, while you get on with your life.

 

I saw a Chinese set of Worry Dolls yesterday, and I'd never seen Chinese ones before.  They were beautiful, a set of 4 in an ornate carved little black box.

 

This could also work with regular dolls or stuffed animals - just to get it out - but there is something special about closing the box on your troubles when you are done.  I suppose a box of stones might work, too.

 

Another thing is to take up a breathing technique.

 

It doesn't matter which one.  But use the same technique whenever you are in a spot.

 

There are some here:  Pranayama - Yogic Breathing

 

Alternate nostril breathing (the first entry) is the best at shifting mood.  I also recommend for you:  

 

Quote

 

Rosicrucian breathing techniques:

 

For an overstimulated, agitated state:

Inhale for a count of 5

Exhale for a count of 5

Hold the exhale for a count of 5

 

Repeat 5 times.

 

After completion - let go.  Do not think about your breath again.  This is a calming technique.

 

I hear you about making decisions!  Sometimes I just "pick one" (and sometimes I regret it - but at least the agony of deciding is over).  My acupuncturist tells me that this is gall bladder - the inability to make decisions, and can manifest in a tightness at the atlas where the spine connects to the head.

 

You mentioned liquid lexapro - I'm going to save that for another post.  

 

Just know all my posting is because I care!

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

OK you are talking about tiny drops of lexapro - 

 

You can dilute the liquid to get more accurate measurements.

 

I'm not a liquid-smart person, but I hear this can be done - but it might spoil after 3 days.  Still, measuring .81 into a larger amount of liquid, and then taking 1/3 each day - may be manually easier.  What do you think?

(at least it's not the ridiculous strength that the Europeans have!  EGADS!)

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

Link to comment
  • Mentor
On 2/12/2017 at 2:38 PM, JanCarol said:

Hey!

 

PBS would be better than commercial TV, to be sure.  But I've even found that science programs like Nature and Nova, and some of the History programs (It's been 15 years since I've watched PBS, so it could be creeping into more "beta" since then) were manipulative, and would tend to have camera (light) changes at the right times to keep you awake.  It would be better than commercial TV, but still not ideal.

 

Sorry about the theta thing - that was not my intent.  Theta is a phase that you pass THROUGH on the way to sleep. Normally, you don't stay there long.  In shamanism, we try to stay there longer, to access active, creative states.  So - not the best for sleep.

 

I had trouble finding short Delta ones.  Let me see what I can find in my collection and maybe I'll send you something in PM.  The ones on YouTube are all 4-8 hours long, which is awesome.

 

I'm lucky, my husband is a musician and musical engineer/producer.  The ABC (Aussie version of NPR) played Max Richter's 8 hour "Sleep suite" one night, and we recorded it all night long, and hubby remastered it into something I can use.  It stays in Delta, and is very soothing and pleasing.  I relax as soon as I hear the first notes; it's just that good.

 

hi Jan

yeh I don't want any of the nature shows or anything controversial, sadly a lot of PBS shows are to "raise awareness" of all the issues in the world that need to be addressed and that's the LAST thing I need to be listening to. I put on the most boring of all channels, the "Create" channel which is primarily cooking and craft shows. I try not to have the TV on as much but sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me from feeling so utterly alone in the world.

 

 

thank you for the delta files, I'll work on getting those on CD today. It could take me a few trials lol

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor
On 2/12/2017 at 4:27 PM, JanCarol said:

Hey - 

 

Quote

 

I did get reckless and went off my great diet and am regretting that. I ate a lot of candy and processed foods, and have had a low mood, fatigue and body aches and pains as a result of that.

 

 

That's classic olanzapine!

 

I'm glad to hear you have found Dr. Amen.  My only caution for him is about money (his proper services are quite $$$$).  But the free stuff should be fine!  If I were doing this technique, I would get a picture of an anteater to look at - put it on my bathroom mirror, or next to my computer monitor!

http://www.zoonewengland.org/media/339782/anteater_gallery3.jpg

 

OK, it says you updated your signature, but your signature doesn't say you are off zyprexa now?  

Quote

 

 I tapered off the zyprexa and I am on 0.27 of the liquid lexapro.

Oh, no, there's another change, sorry LOL forgot! I tapered off the verapamil, and just need to go and get my BP checked to make sure it's staying down, and I also requested a lower dose of the celebrex (100mgs down from 200mgs) but I rarely take it anyway. I did take one celebrex 200mgs over last weekend for joint pain after eating two huge candy bars  :(

 

That is a lot of drug changes in a very short time.  Please wait before tapering any further on the lexapro.  

 

Have you started fish oil yet?

 

Quote

 

It immediately thought of the emotional spiral posts, and have been working to fight off those thoughts that lead me down the path to anger, (as well as the dark ones, the gloomy I'm no good thoughts)

It wasn't too hard to get rid of the angry stuff, as I'm not an angry person in general so just being angry upsets and scares me.

 

but these dark thoughts, OY! I don't know how to eradicate them.

It seems no longer have I gotten rid of one gloomy train of thought, another one comes along in it's place

 

There are a couple of ways you can approach them.

 

One is to repeat them over and over, sing to a nursery rhyme, until the dark thought becomes completely ridiculous.  Laughter is the clearest way through the dark forest.  It hurts so much I had to laugh.

 

Another is to just let them be.  If you fight them, and wrestle with each thought, you will be exhausted.  Just watch them - like the train cars - let them go.

 

They may be there for a reason.  You may be trying to feel your feelings again.  I know that when my feelings came back, the first ones to return were the dark ones.  The sadness, the grief, the horror, the relentless sadness and hopelessness.  Go ahead and feel them.  Maybe by feeling them, allowing them some space, you can clear the table and make room for happier ones.  Maybe they aren't going away until you give them voice.

 

Another possibility is worry dolls.  I wrote about it here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/page-3?p=262058#entry262058

 

Quote

 

1.  Worry dolls.

 

You know, they are a favourite "cheap souvenir" from Central and South America - a tiny box with tiny little dolls in colorful clothing.

 

There is significant wisdom in the worry dolls, limited only by your imagination.  Some anti-anxiety CBT recommends that you dedicate 5 min a day to "worry" and then put it away, well the dolls give you a physical symbol of that.

 

It's simple.  You don't have anyone who understands you.  Maybe the yellow doll understands why you feel so helpless, but the red doll understands when you get angry, and the blue doll listens to you when you are crying.  Talk to the little dolls.  

 

Say it out loud, if you can, or whisper it to them:  "I'm afraid that...."  "that is making me tense...." "s/he is giving me a hard time" or even "nobody understands."  Whisper it to the dolls, and then close them up in their box.

 

The subconscious can then work on solutions - if you want to imagine, the dolls talking together to solve your problems, while you get on with your life.

 

I saw a Chinese set of Worry Dolls yesterday, and I'd never seen Chinese ones before.  They were beautiful, a set of 4 in an ornate carved little black box.

 

This could also work with regular dolls or stuffed animals - just to get it out - but there is something special about closing the box on your troubles when you are done.  I suppose a box of stones might work, too.

 

Another thing is to take up a breathing technique.

 

It doesn't matter which one.  But use the same technique whenever you are in a spot.

 

There are some here:  Pranayama - Yogic Breathing

 

Alternate nostril breathing (the first entry) is the best at shifting mood.  I also recommend for you:  

 

Quote

 

Rosicrucian breathing techniques:

 

For an overstimulated, agitated state:

Inhale for a count of 5

Exhale for a count of 5

Hold the exhale for a count of 5

 

Repeat 5 times.

 

After completion - let go.  Do not think about your breath again.  This is a calming technique.

 

I hear you about making decisions!  Sometimes I just "pick one" (and sometimes I regret it - but at least the agony of deciding is over).  My acupuncturist tells me that this is gall bladder - the inability to make decisions, and can manifest in a tightness at the atlas where the spine connects to the head.

 

You mentioned liquid lexapro - I'm going to save that for another post.  

 

Just know all my posting is because I care!

hi

I don't know where to begin.

I am not going to be using fish oil, I just don't have the money for it, don't trust that it's pure/free from pollutants, etc.

I still have the vegan algae oil and have started taking that (just yesterday)

it says it's 120 to 140mgs DHA and 60 -80 EPA

*******

as far as zyprexa goes, I still have I think 2 pills left that I'm saving for an emergency and hoping I never need to take them. I will be seeing the NP next month, more out of curiosity than anything else, I want to see what she'd suggest for the insomnia. The first NP suggested Holy Basil and melatonin. The melatonin didnt' help and I'm not going to get any Holy basil as it's more for anxiety and maybe helping you fall asleep, I have trouble staying asleep.

 

I can't keep throwing money at problems. I got the light for SAD and am extremely disappointed that it only caused me to have MORE trouble sleeping rather than less. I'm going to save it to use in the fall, or maybe try it again in a few weeks but for now, it's put away where I can't see it, because I just get upset with myself for spending so much money on it.

**************************

 

oh so many things to reply to lol

this is not easy for me but maybe it's a good exercise for my brain.

 

lets see, I will look into doing something like a worry doll thing... my problem is not so much the "worries" as is the fact that my brain believes that all these bad things are happening RIGHT NOW this very moment and I can't stop them.

I am working right now on just reminding myself that my thoughts and feelings are not reality. reality testing?? I dont know.

it's one of the reasons I have to stay away from this forum from time to time, I read the stories of ppl suffering thru the same things I've been thru and I think, OMG there's a mass conspiracy by the wealthy drug companies to dumb down everyone and make them so numb and inert that they can take over the world......... or some such line of thinking. it doesn't even make sense if you follow it thru, because so many of us have become unable to function and many have lost jobs, and bankrupting potential customers is not a good business strategy, now is it? 😕

*****************

I know and use many different breathing techniques, and have been using them for months, Some I learned in yoga, others I found on my own.

but thanks for the reminder. I rarely feel anxious though, it's really all my thoughts. I don't feel even any tension in my body.

I do the breathing stuff and meditations when I wake up after my first short sleep, and they have not helped me to get back to sleep, at least not so far. Usually I have to turn on the tv, or sometimes the radio but lately only the Tv works.

I know it's not ideal but I have to do what works.

because even some (bad) sleep is better than none at all

******************

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

OK you are talking about tiny drops of lexapro - 

 

You can dilute the liquid to get more accurate measurements.

 

I'm not a liquid-smart person, but I hear this can be done - but it might spoil after 3 days.  Still, measuring .81 into a larger amount of liquid, and then taking 1/3 each day - may be manually easier.  What do you think?

(at least it's not the ridiculous strength that the Europeans have!  EGADS!)

 

 

hi

the amnt of liquid I'm drawing up is not that hard to do, it's just that sometimes I was careless, I saw the air bubble and thought, well this is such a tiny amount anyway, does it really matter?

I was going back to what a dr would say, if they knew how small the dose is that I'm taking, they believe that it's too small to do anything at all, so sometimes I revert back to thinking they are right.

stupid, I know, considering all that I've been thru.

 

I have pet rats and need to draw up similar doses of meds for them, so this is not that different.

I can get a dose of 0.05 drawn up but that is harder to suck out of the syringe, so when I get down below 0.2 I may switch to adding the liquid to water, I just need to find the posts on how to do that.

I'm not there yet, however

 

yes I am holding at 0.27 for now.

and if I have any sense whatsoever, for a long time...

but I dont' have a lot of faith in myself when it comes to having sense

:P

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

OK I went thru  my scribbled notes and I'm just going to copy over those notes here in case I lose my paper ones

 

this is how things went with the zyprexa (honestly I went thru a period where I just wanted to close my eyes and swallow the damn things and not really pay attention too much to what happened, with the belief that, because it worked for me in the past, It would do so Now as well)

or to put that another way,I wanted to believe in the placebo effect and did NOT want anyone here voicing doubts that might have upset my placebo belief in the stuff,

not sure I'm explaining it well but I just wanted to believe it would help. It had in the past, so why not now?

 

& there's no doubt the zyprexa pulled me out of a bad place, and for that I'm still grateful. I have never been that seriously S before and pray I never am again, and that's the last I want to say about that!!

 

however, there's a chance that the zyprexa bounced me into a depressed state, or it could be that I stupidly decided this was a good time to start my lexapro taper, who knows?!?!
I'm not going to beat myself up over it, I do that enough for all sorts of things, I'm just going to record what's happened and try to learn from it

 

so please, people please don't point out to me that I shouldn't have done that, I KNOW, believe me, I KNOW!! hahahaha

will it stop me from being stupid in the future? one can only hope, sigh

 

so this is my zyprexa saga:

Jan 12, got Rx from the ER, for 2.5mg tablets, Took 1/4 of a tablet and slept for 4 hrs, woke up and took the remaining 3/4 of a tablet, slept for 6 1/2 hrs (this is the MOST sleep I have had since last Sept- I have not gotten this much sleep before NOR SINCE, sadly)

Now perhaps you can see why I called zyprexa a miracle drug, ok?

 

Jan 13 took 1/2 zyprexa (1.25mgs) at 2 am, slept for about 4 hrs, waking up once or twice

Jan 14 1.25 mgs at 2 am, slept ok, no record of how many times I woke up

Jan 15 1.25mgs during the daytime, NO idea why I did that and no record of what happened that day

Jan 16 no zyprexa from this day til Jan 21st:

 

Initially, my sleep was ok, meaning that I slept my usual 60 to 90 mins, woke up and was able to go back to sleep for maybe 3 to 4hrs, and then just rested til getting up.

I felt very good during the day and was very productive, and was so happy about that. I thought I was done with WD

:/

but my sleep deteriorated over time so on Jan 22 I got frustrated and took 2.5mgs of zyprexa in the late afternoon and laid down but did not sleep well, did apparently sleep some, however, or at least rested.

Jan 23 no zyprexa

Jan 24 1.25mg zyprexa at 9 am (??) and 2.5mgs at 8pm (no record kept of sleep, but if it had been really good I would have written that down, so it was probably not much change if any)

Jan 25th no zyprexa,

Jan 26 decreased dose of LEXAPRO liquid from 0.3 to 0.27

(I know, I know,OK?!?! LOL)

 

Jan 27, 28 and 29th, took 2.5mgs zyprexa each day

Jan 29th took 1.25mgs zyprexa

Jan 30th no zyprexa

Jan 31 1.25 mgs zyprexa

no zyprexa again til Feb 3rd when I took 1/4 of a tablet to "take the edge off" (?)

and on Feb 9th I was having SI again and took 2.5mgs X2 (5 mgs total)

 

 

I have only 2 tablets of zyprexa left and no clue if I'll be able to get any more. I am actually going to bring my exact notes relative to the zyprexa and sleep only, as shown above, to the NP to see if she can make any sense of it

 As far as she knows I am on 2.5mgs of lexapro and there's no reason for her to think any different, I am too afraid that I will not get ANY more liquid lexapro if they know what my actual dose is.

 

so, yes, up and down all over the place

PLUS I added the omega supplement yesterday as well as a capsule of valerian root

 

I'm an idiot, I know.

 

I do think there's a chance the valerian root is helping me to feel calmer (does nothing for depressed thoughts)

I doubt very much that the omega supplement has any effect at all yet, it's a very weak formula and all my research on that says it can take weeks or months to help much

 

so, that's my mess.

 

sigh

 

I am staying at the 0.27 of lexapro

 

I am having an odd fairly decent morning, and so grateful that for that, and for this forum

 

this is the only place where I really feel understood. It's so hard when no one else in our lives understands what we are going thru.

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor
On 1/29/2017 at 1:01 PM, JanCarol said:

I'm sorry if you felt pushed.

 

We get excited here when someone starts (or re-starts) a new drug - because there is delayed reaction that is sometimes difficult to see.  It is so easy to start them, but another story when you are ready to come off.  There are a lot of things I could have said about olanzapine but I didn't want to push. 

 

I'm glad you are feeling better.  I hope it continues.

 

Please update your signature so we know what your dosages are?

 

If you have changed to 5 mg, please put in the date of the change?

 

Thank you.

 

HI

I finally felt strong enough to write out the whole sordid zyprexa saga, see previous post

 

yeh, not good but I got thru it and that's what counts

 

It's so hard knowing what to do from one day to the next and having friends tell me that I need to go back on the lexapro at a higher dose. (most dont' know how low my dose really is)

They don't understand at all. they just know that I"m not feeling well and want the same thing most of us want, a quick fix

 

sigh

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Hi

 

You sure have been through a tough time lately.

 

We all do what we think is best at any given time.

 

I am glad you are having a fairly decent morning.

 

Flowers xxx

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

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  • Mentor

thanks Flowers, I sure hope things improve for you very very soon!

well good morning changes to not so great afternoon, not horrible but...

 

suddenly my brain has decided to remind me of every single thing I've ever done in my life that I've regretted.

 

obviously, it's too late to go back and change any of those things, I can only hope that I'll learn from this to be more careful going forward..........??

 

or not.
I always forget that I am human and make mistakes, I am extremely hard on myself.

 

I need to find ways to let myself off the hook once in awhile

 

I think it's why I dread seeing any one post here that I messed up, I am already beating myself up about it, it just makes it worse if others agree, I think.

I don't know

 

I don't know anything today hahaha

 

gonna go snuggle with my rats <3

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey!

 

Quote

I got the light for SAD and am extremely disappointed that it only caused me to have MORE trouble sleeping rather than less. I'm going to save it to use in the fall, or maybe try it again in a few weeks but for now, it's put away where I can't see it, because I just get upset with myself for spending so much money on it.

 

I'm sorry.  I haven't been recommending SAD lights too often, it's a big investment for many people.

 

How have you been using it?  It is important to use it at the right time of day.  It is important to keep it ABOVE your head, not stare straight into it - it's sometimes hard to arrange - that is why some people use a light visor, that shines down onto their forehead and eyes.  It's also important to not start out with 30 minute sessions.

 

If I were you, I would start out with a sunrise use of it (well, not actual sunrise, but first thing in the morning) of just 5 minutes.  I don't think it's a waste of money, it will come in very useful for mood management later.  I wish I had one now - it is high summer here, but it is too hot for me to go outside and get my light therapy, even though the sun is free.  It also seems silly for me to buy a lamp when I live in the sunniest country in the world.

 

I'm going to keep after you about the fish oil, though.  Here are examples of a few studies (from behind a paywall at ConsumerLabs):

 

Quote

 

Depression:

A possible explanation for moderate improvements in depression among those who respond to fish oil, is that fish oil increases white matter (myelinated fibers that connect brain cells) in areas of the brain which can be compromised in depression.  A small study of 16 acutely depressed adults with major depression found that those who improved over the 6 week period of taking 4000 IU fish oil daily (1600mg EPA and 800 mg DHA) 80% had increases in white matter in key brain regions.

 

Anxiety:

A study of US medical students showed,. Over 12 weeks, that those who received high-dose (high EPA)  omega-3 fatty acids had 20% reduction in anxiety symptoms compared to those receiving placebo treatment.  Treated students also had a 14% decrease in IL-6 marker of inflammation

 

Psychosis:

A year long study in adolescents & young adults (aged 13-25) identified as "at risk" for developing pyschosis found that those who took 700 mg EPA/480 mg DHA for 3 months were less likely to develop psychotic "disorder" in the nine months following treatment compared to placebo.  Of those who took the EPA and DHA, 4.9% developed symptoms compared with 27.5% in the placebo group.  In a follow-up study, 7 years after original treatment, only 10% of treatment group had developed symptoms, compared with 40$ in placebo group.  Those who took fish oil had higher psychosocial functioning and required less medication than those on placebo.

 

A study in Poland among first-episode patients (ages 16-35) found that 26 weeks of 4 capsules daily (1320 EPA / 880 DHA) 69.4% experienced a 50% improvement in symptom severity compared with 40% of placebo group.  The greatest improvements were in depressive symptoms.  

 

Please note that all of the effective ratios are not the same as in your algae oil.  Your Algae does not contain enough EPA.  While the brain is composed mostly of DHA, there is something in the conversion of EPA to DHA that your brain needs, too.  All of the psych studies I have read are more along the lines of roughly 3:1 EPA:DHA.  I'm sorry I don't have the original research to prove it.  I just remember that little to no brain benefit was found with Algae oil (and it is so expensive!)

 

The risk of contamination (according to Consumer labs - who tests the oils) from fish oil is relatively low, especially given the benefits.  

 

When you are ready to budget again, this would be my top priority, if I were you.  Think of it as "getting your brain back."

 

Gotta go, I'll check back soon!

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Hey!

Quote

lets see, I will look into doing something like a worry doll thing... my problem is not so much the "worries" as is the fact that my brain believes that all these bad things are happening RIGHT NOW this very moment and I can't stop them.

 

It doesn't have to be worries.  You can tell them your dark thoughts, and let them stew and the dolls do the thinking instead of you.

 

There is another cognitive technique which allows you a certain time - say 5 minutes - of dark thinking a day.  For those 5 minutes, you just let the thoughts reign, let them go free, let them be.  THEN, after the 5 minutes is up, you tell them no more.

 

This way, they get a little expression, and they know that they will get another chance tomorrow.  It's like a release valve - you let a little bit of steam out so that it doesn't build up and overwhelm you.

 

Another way of talking about it is coke bottles.  You don't just open a shaken coke bottle all at once.  You open the lid just a tiny amount, let it settle, then open it a little more.

 

The best way to manage your thoughts is not to fight them, but to go through them.

 

Hargh.  I said I needed to go, and I do.  I'll come back again, hopefully tonight.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed member name

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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