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☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right


Happy2Heal

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I also thought my body coped well with the tapering. So I held my last dose a little shorter than usual. Man that rebuffed, worst half-week ever!

From now on it's body over mind.

 

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

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  • Mentor

just reminding myself to HOLD

 

hold on the dose and hold on during the waves, hold on to that rocking boat!

 

getting a wee bit seasick but I know it won't last. :)

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Hold on hold on to yourself this is going to hurt like hell.... lyrics from a song my brain jumps in with these little tidbits when I see some word... 

 

yes holding can be good from what I read I did not taper so don't really know... what I do know is distraction is a great tool for passing the time while while your holding on to yourself waiting things out... a bit better then white knuckling it thru this process that can take a long time... distraction helped me immensely... 

 

if we can distract ourselves we can change the experience and make it less painful and less reactive... as it is not pretty... deep relaxation... the power of now which is a book but there is likely enough posted on SA about it you may not even need to buy it... tapping can help baths ect... the time is going to pass ... it is not going to be great if you can have some tools in your tool box that make more tolerable why not... I am sure if you look up distraction on SA you will find plenty of posts. 

 

I wish you peace ... 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor

hmm, ten days without an update, that's unusual for chatty me

 

I seem to have settled into a pattern of mild waves, where I'll have a couple of bad days, followed by a couple of ok days, followed by some good ones.

To simplify my notes, I just write B for bad, G for good and OK for, guess what? OK!! (you thought that was gonna be something else, didn't you?)


The symptoms on the "bad" days are generally anxiety, from mild to moderate, that just seems to hang around a lot. It doesn't always get better as the day goes on, that's kind of discouraging. I used to be able to count on more peaceful evenings.
now I wonder if the anxiety I get later in the day is not part of WD but more my own "real" feelings, and that it will be something I'll need to learn to deal with long term.

I've been on medications for so long, I don't recall if I had any significant issues with anxiety in the past. I've surely been in some anxiety provoking situations, but this is more free floating anxiety that isn't caused by any situation.

Except sometimes my thoughts, which is another symptom of a bad: my mind won't shut off. It goes from one distressing thought to another and I can't shut it off.

another symptom on a bad day is waking up at 2 or 3 am (and one day at 1am) and not being able to get back to sleep, coupled with the mind that would not shut off.

not fun.

 

the good days have been just super, not manic-y super but just very pleasant full days.

 

the ok days are fine with me, I am just happy not to have anything bad happen

 

so, since I started using this system I've got 4 good days,  5  ok days, and 5 bad days.

 

that means that things are more often good or neutral than they are bad.

either that, or I'm lying to myself because the past two days have been so long and I've so craved relief, that I think I must have over inflated the scores for the good days.........

but I know that's not true.
I might possibly bump a bad start day up to an oK day if the evening was ok and I got a half decent 4 or 5 hrs sleep, but I would never call an OK day a good one

 

so.....

all that said, I feel like my patience for this whole affair is worn down to a nub. when I have a bad day, my thoughts go to extremes. Not going to say what extremes.

so I feel the need to do something but I"m not sure what.

 

I don't feel depressed on bad days, typically I feel like my real feelings are gone, that i'm numb except for the anxiety and the distress caused by the thoughts in my head that I can't shut off.

I may have a bit of DP/Dr, I"m not sure. If so, it's very mild.

but things just seem off in a bad way.

 

 

I feel  utterly ridiculous complaining about any of this, considering where I was back in Oct or even in Jan. but I think it's the fact that there seems to be no end to this that's got me down.

 

any suggestions for new coping mechanisms?
I have found that using old ones actually kind of re traumatizes me, in a way- it immediately reminds me of how awful I felt when I was using, say, relaxation tapes or certain music. Even my yoga class seems to trigger me

I am constantly on the look out for new experiences

I also move the furniture around in my apt, to help block out the memories from the past several months

 

but then I get anxious because I am not sure where everything is

 

some days, I just can't win LOL
 

ok this was my rant day, my venting day. I will try not to post again until things are going well, and try to have a more optimistic outlook than I hve right now

 

thanks to everyone who follows my journey and gives me such wonderful support along the way, it's made a huge difference to me, in ways I cant' even begin to express

 

more about that at a later time, thunderstorm just came in and i need to shut down my PC

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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You know, H2H.

 

You popped onto my heart this morning, so I came looking to see how you were and could not find you!

 

Keep on healing, my friend!

 

SJ

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed mention of name change

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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  • Mentor

Sorry SJ, I am still here.

thank you so much for thinking of me, I'm touched. I hope you are doing well...?

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
49 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

Sorry SJ, I am still here.

thank you so much for thinking of me, I'm touched. I hope you are doing well...?

 

 

 

I am hanging in there! I still get symptoms every day, but they have been manageable, praise God! I do wish the near day-long background anxiety would go away for good. But recovery takes time.

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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  • Mentor
23 minutes ago, ShakeyJerr said:

I do wish the near day-long background anxiety would go away for good.

 

 

oh I hear you on that! I have a few minutes or a half hour here or there without that background anxiety... and occasionally some short periods where my brain is not going a mile a minute.

 

that said, everything is manageable.

I know I should be grateful for that, but lately, I've had a hard time mustering up any sense of gratitude.

I actually have lost touch with my feelings again, so maybe that's why. I don't know

 

So you did a fairly rapid taper, and then have been off all meds now for a few months?

 

hahaha I just saw in your signature where it says you take your mag around 4:30 am, "darn cat"

lol

that's funny. is it really the cat or do you have a cortisol spike around then? I get one around 4 am, on a good day

on bad day, I have them all night long :/

 

ack I need to stop focusing on the bad.

I need to focus on the fact that tomorrow I will be seeing someone special... and that I was also invited to go to an exercise class with someone else, and......that I got my computer to work again (it wasn't working this morning)

yes, GOOD things!!

maybe we need a thread for good things! I am going to start one right now!

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

anyone got suggestions for an appetite stimulant??
I've tried eating high fat, high calorie food *when* I do have an appetite, but in spite of that, a lot of time I have to force myself to eat.

 

I am still losing wt too fast, and feeling weak and faint fairly often.

I manage to eat at least 3 small meals per day, but sometimes a meal consists of a pc of fruit, or a bowl of cereal or some beans or a veggie, or a sandwich. It's hard to shop when you have no appetite, and it's even harder to cook and to force yourself to eat.

I never in my wildest dreams thought this would be a problem for me.

I'd been obese for a long long time.

 

 

I don't know what to do.
the other symptom that seems to go along with this is intolerance of the cold. I get very chilled when most ppl are comfortable.

(and at temperatures that would have seemed too warm to me in the past)

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

 

forgot to take the lamictal last night and had my best night in a long time.
fell asleep for a couple of hours, got up, took some glycine and magnesium, settled into bed, woke up once but went right back to sleep, didn't wake up again til 5 am!

had a cortisol spike and was sweating, so I popped out of bed, hopped into a lukewarm epsom bath soak and was good to go.

the anxiety that I had the past 3 days is gone.

 

 

just when I was starting to feel hopeless, things get better. it was sometime last night, around 8 pm I think, that suddenly my mind cleared out, the non stop thoughts just vanished and I felt good.

 

I have to remember this, I have to soak this day in, every good minute. save it up to remind me that things will be good again, for when I hit another rough patch.

I also have to refer back to my notes, because so far, the good days and the OK neutral days, are still outnumbering the bad!! woohoo!!

 

but about the lamictal, since I forgot it last night and slept so well, I am wondering it lamictal is now causing my insomnia??
because I'm afraid of stopping it cold turkey, this morning, I took a half of what I normally take. I will see how that goes.


I am thinking of not taking the other half tonight, but instead waiting to see if I have another good night.
If I do, I think it might make sense to take the lamictal in the morning and try to taper off it....

 

I wish I had a crystal ball that could tell me if that's a good plan!

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Happy Cat. Have you tried smoothies? You can add bananas, almond butter, avocados and/ or coconut oil. That could add some major calories to your diet.

 

What are you on Lamictal for? Bipolar? How long have you been on it? Cutting it by a half may be far too drastic. I would start to taper by 10 % of the current dose as we always recommend. Take it slow and stay stable. It's easy and understandable to want to jump off immediately but it pays to be extremely safe and careful. 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Mentor
On 2017-06-21 at 8:58 AM, AliG said:

What are you on Lamictal for? Bipolar? How long have you been on it? Cutting it by a half may be far too drastic. I would start to taper by 10 % of the current dose as we always recommend. Take it slow and stay stable. It's easy and understandable to want to jump off immediately but it pays to be extremely safe and careful. 

 

 

hi Ali, thanks, I've tried smoothies, they don't agree with me, but I hope in the future I'll be able to tolerate them

 

as far as the lamictal goes, I take a very small dose for helping with WD, as per the thread here about that. The most I've taken is 25mg, but mostly I've been on 12.5 or less.

I took a half of that this morning.

 

I think maybe I'll see if the half dose (half of 12.5) is ok for today and if so, do the same thing tomorrow morning.
I realize that will be two changes, from a nighttime dose to morning plus a 50% reduction but this is not nearly as strong a drug as lamictal lexapro so I am a bit less afraid of making a bigger change with it

 

time will tell if this is a mistake, but so far, I've not had a problem cutting the dose in half, so...

I'll def update here to let you know how it goes

 

 

Edited by scallywag
corrected drug name as mentioned by H2H in post below

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator

Hi:

 

Just a quick note:

 

Awesome that you slept well. I hope it is the lamictal for your benefit.

 

Ill keep hoping for you. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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8 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

but this is not nearly as strong a drug as lamictal

 

I thought we were talking about Lamictal. Have I missed something?

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment
23 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

hahaha I just saw in your signature where it says you take your mag around 4:30 am, "darn cat"

lol

that's funny. is it really the cat or do you have a cortisol spike around then? I get one around 4 am, on a good day

on bad day, I have them all night long :/

 

Oh, it's the cat! But then the spike kicks in and I'm awake for the rest of the day. I miss being able to fall back asleep.

 

SJ

 

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

Link to comment
  • Mentor
5 hours ago, AliG said:

 

I thought we were talking about Lamictal. Have I missed something?

I'm so sorry, I meant lexapro, I was trying to respond quickly as I needed to go out.

 

I had kept detailed notes but during one of my waves, I got super paranoid that the "wrong person" might get ahold of them, so I shredded those and kept only the most recent notes that are not as detailed and use a simple scoring system (G for Good day, B for bad, and OK for neutral)
I don't put down my dose of either the lamictal or the lexapro, that's kept in a more private hard to get to location.

yes it may seem odd that I get paranoid, and it's one reason I got the Dx of schizophrenia and also I think they said some "bipolar" pts suffer from paranoia.

I don't believe in "mental illness" so I can't say why I get like that, but it's not been possible to convince myself that there's nothing to fear, that, in fact, no one is interested in my tapering notes.

I am sorry that it's been confusing for people. It does also, of course, make it harder for me.

I have tried locking up my notes or hiding them, but then I lose them, or I lose the key to the locked box.

it's also difficult to keep regular notes when you're locking things up or hiding them.

 

anyway, I will just muddle thru on my own.

I'm sure I"ll figure it out.

 

thank you so much for your time,

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor
Quote
3 hours ago, ShakeyJerr said:

 

Oh, it's the cat! But then the spike kicks in and I'm awake for the rest of the day. I miss being able to fall back asleep.

 

SJ

 

 

oh I hear you on that!! it would be sooooo good to be able to go back to sleep.

someday!
this will happen for us, I know it will  :)

 

I've had one heck of a great day. I feel like I'm on a new level of healing.

 

the past couple of days, the bad ones, the waves, were baaaaaaadddd but not nearly as bad as my earliest "crash" days. they were bad because I couldnt find ways to cope that were effective.

 

overall, as it has always been for me, things have always progressed towards steady improvement. Right from the very first reinstated dose of lexapro back in Oct. there's been slow and steady improvement, steady healing.

 

the waves may change, but they have never been as bad as they first were. They are so much milder now!
They often seem to bother me more, however, which is disturbing. I think it's because the bad days connect in my mind to all of the bad days that came before, and it's hard to believe that things were ever better, nor that things will ever get better.

 

This seems to be very common among so many of us in WD. As I read a lot of the threads and hear a lot of ppl say the same thing.

You get in a wave and you really start to lose hope- you feel like things are never going to improve, when, in fact, it's often been the case that a few days or a week ago, things actually WERE pretty good. Or at least better.
The chemical changes in our brain that make the depressed feeling and the despair, it lies to us, just like "regular" depression lies, and tells us that things are bad and will always be bad.

 

 

I/we need to fight that. I need new ways to fight that, because the past couple of waves, I've had a VERY hard time finding my way back to hope. VERY hard.

it's NOT that things are worse in the wave, it's that I'm having a hard time finding coping strategies that work.

a lot of the ones I've used in the past aren't cutting it for me.

 

 

well, anyway, I'm sure I'll figure something out, I always do.

if anyone has any suggestions, I'd be more than grateful to hear them. ;-)

 

give your kitty a skritch from me, ok, SJ?  I hope your cat at least appreciates you being up to feed it and keep it company in the wee hours.

of course, being a cat, it will probably never let you *know* that it appreciate it LOL

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Hi! 

I would try to eat high healthy fat foods - bfast eggs with a whole wheat toast, snack some peanut butter or yogurt .  I was losing weight fast too and had no appetite during my fast taper  (I lost 20% of my total weight in 3 months ) I had to basically force myself to eat . Also, I've heard that fish oil helps with appetite .  Not sure if you take that or not .  And another suggestion - some exercise, I always starve right after I do any workout .  

As far as journalizing - what about keeping an electronic journal ? 

I also wish I had a crystal ball ?

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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  • Mentor
9 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Hi! 

I would try to eat high healthy fat foods - bfast eggs with a whole wheat toast, snack some peanut butter or yogurt .  I was losing weight fast too and had no appetite during my fast taper  (I lost 20% of my total weight in 3 months ) I had to basically force myself to eat . Also, I've heard that fish oil helps with appetite .  Not sure if you take that or not .  And another suggestion - some exercise, I always starve right after I do any workout .  

As far as journalizing - what about keeping an electronic journal ? 

I also wish I had a crystal ball ?

 

 

hi Blondie, thanks for your suggestions. Heh, yup, I've added high fat foods, not always healthy ones but mostly. I can't do fish oil but I'm getting fish a couple of times a week.

 

I exercise pretty much every day- in fact, I realized I was exercising too much and had to cut back. I was walking some days 3 hrs or more. Had pain from vericose veins, doc wants me to use compression stockings but I don't have the $ for them (my computer glasses just broke so I have to replace those)

Funny I'm not usually hungry after exercise, hrmm.

 

oh by electronic journal, you mean putting it on line? I kind of do that here. It's more than just being paranoid about ppl reading them, it's also that it feels like focusing on the bad things to me.

that's another reason that I've hidden the earlier notes, it's so upsetting to read where I was. Some days, I can handle it, but on other days, it just makes any current symptoms worse.

 

I thought I was pretty strong last fall, but lately, I've just felt weak and like everything I do is all wrong.

I have this critical voice in my head that is always judging everything I do.  and let's face it, we are often surrounded by others who are quick to judge and label us as well.

 

well, at least my rats love me.

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

Journal:

meds:

lexapro 0.18mgs in the am

lamictal ~ 6mgs in the am

NOTE: this is a recent change from 12.5mgs at night. I accidentally missed one night time dose, and discovered that I slept well that night. I was worried about the potential for WD symptoms from missing a dose, so I took a half of that dose in the morning, to try to ward off any WD symptoms.
I had such a good day (yesterday) that  I've decided to take a big risk and switch to that half dose, approx 6mgs- and take it in the morning instead of at night.

Too soon to know if this is a mistake, I take full responsibility, of course, for the consequences.

 

yesterday was a wide open window day, my best so far. There were good days in the past, and there will be good days to come. I will get thru the rougher days, knowing this to be true. (this, I think, should be my new mantra)

 

Today, so far, so good :)
Slept well, woke up around 5 am or so, which is at least an hour later than I'd been waking up while taking the 12.5mgs of lamictal at night.

Only some mild anxiety when I woke up, which has faded. Looking forward to the day, the usual dread is gone.

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
20 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

give your kitty a skritch from me, ok, SJ?  I hope your cat at least appreciates you being up to feed it and keep it company in the wee hours.

of course, being a cat, it will probably never let you *know* that it appreciate it LOL

 

Yeah, my kitty is not very big on showing appreciation...

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

Journal:

meds:

lexapro 0.18mgs in the am

lamictal ~ 6mgs in the am

NOTE: this is a recent change from 12.5mgs at night. I accidentally missed one night time dose, and discovered that I slept well that night. I was worried about the potential for WD symptoms from missing a dose, so I took a half of that dose in the morning, to try to ward off any WD symptoms.
I had such a good day (yesterday) that  I've decided to take a big risk and switch to that half dose, approx 6mgs- and take it in the morning instead of at night.

Too soon to know if this is a mistake, I take full responsibility, of course, for the consequences.

 

yesterday was a wide open window day, my best so far. There were good days in the past, and there will be good days to come. I will get thru the rougher days, knowing this to be true. (this, I think, should be my new mantra)

 

Today, so far, so good :)
Slept well, woke up around 5 am or so, which is at least an hour later than I'd been waking up while taking the 12.5mgs of lamictal at night.

Only some mild anxiety when I woke up, which has faded. Looking forward to the day, the usual dread is gone.

 

 

 

 

Awesome news!

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

Link to comment
  • Mentor

thanks SJ

yesterday was a good day right til the end

today has been good so far as well...

just trying not to get too excited and/or overdo things, just trying to take it one step at a time....

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator

Hi:

 

I hope you slept well last night and are doing well.

 

3rd day of my tapering, no nausea! Had a little burning in my stomach when I got up, but went away pretty fast.

 

Have a great day. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to comment

Hi Happy,

 

I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I hope that the change in your medication continues to help you feel better. 

 

What is it with forgetting to take meds? I've done it twice in the past week. Not sure that's helping with the healing :huh: Hopefully no damage has been done and we leanred something helpful along the way :D

 

I hope your rats are doing well and keeping you company.

 

Hugs and healing,

T

Buspirone to 45mg, Cold Turkey St. John's Wort 600mg Jan 1, 2016. Cold Turkey Buproprion 150SR June 1 due to severe Akathisia that did not decrease with reducing the dosage.

Clonazepam 1.25mg, started daily liquid micro taper of clonazepam on Nov 1, 2016. Changed to sxs based taper 01/17. Slow and steady

11/10/16 .4104 3X day; 11/17/16 .4091 3x day; 11/28/16 .406 3x day; 12/4/16 .404 3x day; 12/11/16 .4028 3x

01/12/17 .39267 3x day holding; 02/25/17 .3902 3x day, holding. .3823mg 3x day. Tapering at .0007462mg as able;  09/21/18 .3542mg 3x day.  1/3/2019 .339mg 3x day. 6/25/19 .3307mg 3x day. 8/24/19 .317mg 3x day 2/13/20 .2886mg 3x day 3/18/21 .2388mg 3x day 06/17/21 .2239mg 3x day 09/13/22 .1682 3x day

L-theanine 200 mg, L-glycine 500mg 1x day and 1000mg 1x day, vit C 1000 mg sustained release 2x day. Fish oil 1800mg EPA + DHA. Vit E 400 IU, magnesium in various forms. Inositol 3x a day abt 14mg, Taurine 500mg.

5/20/16 Using Cranial Eletrotherapy Stimulation. 2x day 1 hour at level 1. Using Alph-Stim AID. 

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, tntd said:

What is it with forgetting to take meds? I've done it twice in the past week. Not sure that's helping with the healing :huh: Hopefully no damage has been done and we leanred something helpful along the way :D

 

I forget to take my supplements once in a while! Memory during recovery can be spotty sometimes! And part of my own problem is that if I am feeling good, I get a prideful "Superman" complex where my mind thinks it suddenly doesn't need the help of the supplements. Boy, do I pay for it big time the next day when that happens!

 

W]hat I ended up doing is grabbing a small cup and putting my next day's stuff in there. I keep it by my bed so I see it in the morning and at night. 

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Happy2Heal: I hope your experiment with a lower dose of Lamictal works in your favour. Please be careful about drawing conclusions from a one-off event such as the night you missed a Lamictal dose. Making drastic changes such as a 50% dose cut on such meagre data while in withdrawal can set you up for more trouble. Again, I really, really hope that your choice is the right thing for you right now.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • Mentor
5 minutes ago, scallywag said:

Happy2Heal: I hope your experiment with a lower dose of Lamictal works in your favour. Please be careful about drawing conclusions from a one-off event such as the night you missed a Lamictal dose. Making drastic changes such as a 50% dose cut on such meagre data while in withdrawal can set you up for more trouble. Again, I really, really hope that your choice is the right thing for you right now.

 

 

thanks Scally

I wasn't thinking of it so much as an experiment, but rather trying to follow the advice in the thread about using lamictal for WD symptoms. I believe that thread suggests going up or down based on certain symptoms.
however, my brain/thinking/cognition is such that every time I read that thread, I come away with a different understanding of it, and each time, I'm not sure I really understood it at all.

 

I am having scary gaps in my memory, too. I put a pot on to cook the other day and roughly ten minutes later, I smelled something cooking and thought "that's odd, that smells like something cooking in my apt, but I'm not cooking anything."

Another 5 mins or so passes, and I walk into the kitchen to discover that I'd put something on to cook and I have literally NO memory of doing it. None.

Scares the daylights out of me. I try to remember to set a timer any time I put anything on the stove, but I clearly forgot that time.

 

These memory lapses have happened off and on, all throughout my WD so it's not anything specific to a dose change. It may even be something that's not WD related, I recall having serious memory problems off and on for years and years. My PCP said she thought it was a stress reaction. I don't know, that seems possible though. I was screened for alzheimers and dementia etc and "passed".

 

As far as the lamitcal goes, I'm doing ok.

I take 1/4 of a tablet each morning now.

Sleep has stayed fairly stable. I had that one good night when I forgot the lamictal.

I had 3 nights of ok sleep, about the same as before, maybe a wee bit better (the trend in all of my symptoms has been a gradual improvement, with a few bad waves here and there)

and last night I had another night that was almost as good as the night I missed the dose of lamictal.

 

To sum up, so far, at least (knock wood) nothing bad has come out of it. This is day 5, so time will tell.


I've been holding on the dose of lexapro now since mid May, I believe; still at 0.18 mgs with no plans to make any change to that any time soon.

 

I am back to having mostly good days, with a few hours of anxiety or confusion when I get stressed, but otherwise, the days are good.

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

H2H - we almost never suggest 50% dose reductions.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • Mentor
1 hour ago, scallywag said:

H2H - we almost never suggest 50% dose reductions.

 

part of my brain knows that, but seems disconnected at times from the other part of my brain, that remembers CTs and drastic reductions in doses made by the so called professionals (along with possibly? faulty memory that this did not always cause any problems for me)

Not sure if it's cognitive dissonance still at work or what.

maybe just plain stupidity on my part.

I guess stupidity explains a lot of what I do. :/

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Nah, you're dealing with drug- and/or withdrawal-induced cognition not stupidity. Cut yourself some slack.

 

If you need a reminder, get a marker and write "slow. simple. steady."  somewhere on your body that you'll see regularly. ;) Heck, put it on sticky notes and place the notes on your mirrors and doors so you see the message often.

Edited by scallywag

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • Mentor

heh, the way my memory is, I'd be constantly wondering what those notes referred to, lol

 

as if I could forget that I'm in WD. :/

unfortunately, in spite of more or less steady improvement, I am always aware and always a bit on edge because of being in withdrawal.

every decision I make is based on whether or not I think it's a good thing for the "state I'm in".

it's quite tiresome, as we all know.

 

Well there *may* have been some fall-out from the dose change in lamictal, I'm not sure. I fell asleep with my neck bent on one side and have felt dizzy and off balance since I got up.

 

it's easing up a bit now that my neck is more relaxed, so I am hoping it's just from the neck muscles being pulled and in spasm, but there's a chance it was also somewhat caused by the change in lamictal, I couldn't say.

 

even so, it's a minor annoyance and nothing that's really affecting me all that much. still, good to be vigilant, I suppose. I want to find some balance between being vigilant and just relaxing and going forward with courage and acceptance of whatever comes, but it's hard.

I think finding balance at this stage of recovery is one of the harder things. I'm not so focused on symptom relief and more on trying to avoid too much stress or being prepared to deal with something unavoidable that may set off symptoms.

 

I know I must be sleeping because I can recall some odd dreams, but except for the first hour or two, when I fall asleep easily but then wake up, the rest of the night, it's still very hard to tell if I"m awake or asleep. my sleep is light and easily broken. I don't feel as tired when I get up in the morning, though, so that leads me to think I'm asleep more than It seems.

 

in any case, it's a far cry from the way things were just a few months ago, so I'll gladly take it

 

 

that's about all the news I have. Hope this finds everyone doing well

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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33 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

as if I could forget that I'm in WD. :/

 

Let's start calling it recovery. The positive spin is helpful!

 

34 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

unfortunately, in spite of more or less steady improvement, I am always aware and always a bit on edge because of being in withdrawal.

every decision I make is based on whether or not I think it's a good thing for the "state I'm in".

it's quite tiresome, as we all know.

 

This happens to all of us in recovery. Everything is indeed filtered through that lens. But again, a vocabulary/thinking change can be helpful here. Instead of "I am doing these things/thinking this way because of withdrawal" think instead "I am doing things to improve my health, and it really is paying off!"

 

37 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

ell there *may* have been some fall-out from the dose change in lamictal, I'm not sure. I fell asleep with my neck bent on one side and have felt dizzy and off balance since I got up.

 

it's easing up a bit now that my neck is more relaxed, so I am hoping it's just from the neck muscles being pulled and in spasm, but there's a chance it was also somewhat caused by the change in lamictal, I couldn't say.

 

Let's go with this being a coincidence. Everybody sleeps in a bad position once in awhile.

 

38 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

I'm not so focused on symptom relief and more on trying to avoid too much stress or being prepared to deal with something unavoidable that may set off symptoms.

 

This is a victory! It is a very productive shift in thinking. No more seeking the "magic bullet!" Instead, you are moving forward with a life strategy.

40 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

I know I must be sleeping because I can recall some odd dreams, but except for the first hour or two, when I fall asleep easily but then wake up, the rest of the night, it's still very hard to tell if I"m awake or asleep. my sleep is light and easily broken. I don't feel as tired when I get up in the morning, though, so that leads me to think I'm asleep more than It seems.

 

 

 

How does this sleep pattern compare to before you were on the meds? How about to when you were on the meds but not yet tapering?

 

42 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

in any case, it's a far cry from the way things were just a few months ago, so I'll gladly take it

 

Hooray!!!

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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  • Mentor

Quick update, will reply to messages later, busy busy busy lol

 

about ten good days in a row, woohoo!

 

sleeping ok, had one super good night (about 7hs sleep) of course followed by a more restless night, but that's ok

 

almost feel like WD is over, except for the sleep issues and some body temp issues from time to time. oh, and sensitive to stress, of course but doing well with that

 

so, no fall out from the lamictal changes, and holding on the lexapro

 

all good!! :)

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Hi H2H,

 

I'm so happy to hear that you are doing well. Ten good days in a row feels fantastic. I'm right there with you. I've had almost a month of feeling good now. It's amazing when I think of all the times I never thought I would heal. I'm sure you have had the same feelings. It's like finding the sun again. Or I like to say I found myself again :D I hope that your window continues and that you are well on your way to healing. I hope that you are able to hold long enough and stay in this window that when you decide to start tapering again your brain won't care!

 

Hugs and healing,

T

Buspirone to 45mg, Cold Turkey St. John's Wort 600mg Jan 1, 2016. Cold Turkey Buproprion 150SR June 1 due to severe Akathisia that did not decrease with reducing the dosage.

Clonazepam 1.25mg, started daily liquid micro taper of clonazepam on Nov 1, 2016. Changed to sxs based taper 01/17. Slow and steady

11/10/16 .4104 3X day; 11/17/16 .4091 3x day; 11/28/16 .406 3x day; 12/4/16 .404 3x day; 12/11/16 .4028 3x

01/12/17 .39267 3x day holding; 02/25/17 .3902 3x day, holding. .3823mg 3x day. Tapering at .0007462mg as able;  09/21/18 .3542mg 3x day.  1/3/2019 .339mg 3x day. 6/25/19 .3307mg 3x day. 8/24/19 .317mg 3x day 2/13/20 .2886mg 3x day 3/18/21 .2388mg 3x day 06/17/21 .2239mg 3x day 09/13/22 .1682 3x day

L-theanine 200 mg, L-glycine 500mg 1x day and 1000mg 1x day, vit C 1000 mg sustained release 2x day. Fish oil 1800mg EPA + DHA. Vit E 400 IU, magnesium in various forms. Inositol 3x a day abt 14mg, Taurine 500mg.

5/20/16 Using Cranial Eletrotherapy Stimulation. 2x day 1 hour at level 1. Using Alph-Stim AID. 

 

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  • Mentor
On 6/29/2017 at 2:40 PM, tntd said:

Hi H2H,

 

I'm so happy to hear that you are doing well. Ten good days in a row feels fantastic. I'm right there with you. I've had almost a month of feeling good now. It's amazing when I think of all the times I never thought I would heal. I'm sure you have had the same feelings. It's like finding the sun again. Or I like to say I found myself again :D I hope that your window continues and that you are well on your way to healing. I hope that you are able to hold long enough and stay in this window that when you decide to start tapering again your brain won't care!

 

Hugs and healing,

T

 

thanks so much tntd-

yes there were many times I thought this would not happen... but it is, and I am so glad!!

 

things have continued to stay good :)

 

a bit more tired some days, one or two restless nights but those could happen just in life in general. I shouldn't even consider them as part of WD or recovery, just normal stuff. ;-)

 

Of course I'm still not off the drug but I'm getting there.

:)

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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