Happy2Heal

Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

908 posts in this topic

Hi Cat.  I noticed you're taking Agave syrup, and just wanted you to be aware that it is very high in fructose. it has 85% fructose , which is much higher than sugar. It can wreak havoc on your metabolism . Although it is low G.I. , it can contribute to insulin resistance . It is promoted as being a healthy alternative to sugar , but in reality it is not. If you are following a low - carb diet, it might be worthwhile cutting this out . I just thought it was worth mentioning, as the drugs can mess with insulin etc, and you don't want to add to that. It could be the reason you're not losing weight. Also , you might be reacting to it like sugar, which you are obviously sensitive to.

I hope you can achieve stability from hereon in , with your tapering. It's good to hear that you're doing better. As Petunia said , if you are careful with your slow taper , you should be in a good place to stay relatively symptom free.

Ali

Share this post


Link to post

thanks Petunia. :)

I gotta tell you, every time I see your user name I wonder what I posted. er, let me explain. I belong to a lot of pet forums and on at least two of them, my user name is Petunia. I was also a moderator on one of them so if I'm having a harder than usual day, I see your posts and really wonder what I've been up to now LOL

gee, I'd like to sound as smart as you do.

 

are you still having withdrawal symptoms even now? It looks like you've been off meds for a very long time! yikes!

I pray that my healing does not take years, but I am afraid it might.

I have such a long med history.

 

I know I didn't have, or at least didn't seem to have, any major issues stopping drugs/meds that I wasn't on for very long, but the ones I've been on the longest, those are also the ones I've been on and off and on and off-

I recall going off lithium back in the mid 80s and ending up severely psychotic, and staying that way for almost a  year. When I went back on lithium I never got back to normal, or to my pre- lithium cold turkey state. the paranoia I had when I was psychotic lasted a very long time too.

I was later told that if you go off lithium it may never work for you again. OH that's just one of the stories I've been told about my supposed mental illnesses..

 

I wish my memory was better so that I could figure out what symptoms were caused by meds and which were symptoms I might have had if I'd never been drugged, but I was drugged at age 18 with heavy duty 1st generation anti psychotics. :/

 

ack, better not to look back anyway and just look forward.

Sometimes I think I might be able to get a better idea of how things will go for me as I taper off these drugs for good, IF i look at what happened in the past, but I really do seem to be in a different place now.

 

I was heavily drugged with seroquel, for example, and then when it was causing some serious medical issues, I stopped taking it and when I was given seroquel later as a PRN for PMS (yeh, the guy was pushing seroquel for everything! i was so glad when I heard the manufacturer was sanctioned for that)

anyway I digress-

when I tried a very low dose of seroquel as a PRN it knocked me out for 20 hrs, and I was doped up for days afterward. felt heavy and out of it, like i'd been, oh, drugged LOL

Like you feel when they shoot you full of thorazine in the state hospital (been there, done that, or rather, had that done to me)

 

Maybe it's not a totally bad thing to look back a bit- I can see how far I've come.

and what I've lived thru and survived.

I'm a tough ol bird, I think!

 

I'll get thru this.

 

oh yes I do love honey! I just ran out and should get more. I can handle honey in my tea but I can't really handle eating much in the pastry dept, donuts, cake, etc. The stuff I used to live on. No wonder I was a mess, my diet was horrible!

no one ever said, hey you might not have these highs and lows that look like bipolar disorder if you cut out all that crap in your diet.

I really wonder now how much of my past issues were related to diet and the like.

and just being young, and somewhat immature and trying to make sense of a very bad start in life.

 

Petunia, what is the taurine for? or rather, what does it help with?

I am taking biotin for my nails (was hoping it would help me stop losing my hair but no luck there) vit D3 because I don't get enough sun, chromium because it helps with sugar cravings, and magnesium.

 

I tried valerian once and it worked- it did make me feel calmer, as it is supposed to do, but the smell of it is so bad, I would gag taking them. So I only ended up using a handful and tossed the rest, eww! lol

Share this post


Link to post

You sure have been through a lot cat.... and now are doing so well, you're an inspiration :)

 

are you still having withdrawal symptoms even now? It looks like you've been off meds for a very long time! yikes!

I pray that my healing does not take years, but I am afraid it might.

I have such a long med history.

 

 

Unfortunately I am, but that's because I came off the drugs too fast, didn't know I was in withdrawal for over 2 years and messed myself up even more with trying to manage increasing symptoms with constantly changing random drugs. I was a perfect example of doing everything wrong, practically every day I changed something, no stability at all.

 

You on the other hand are heading towards stability, you have all the information you need here, and the support to taper the right way, even though it might take a while and so you don't need to go through what I am. Ideally, if you taper slowly enough, your nervous system doesn't even register the changes and so its something which can happen in the background of your ongoing life.

 

If I could go back in time, with what I know now, I would have allowed myself at least 3 years to taper off my 5mg dose of lexapro instead of the 2 months I took. I had previously tried 4 times to stop by going CT and had always been right back on it within a few days.

 

I've followed a lot of stories here since I joined and have noticed a pattern that people who have patience, get into a calm routine of small cuts, based on their own symptom patterns, who are happy to hold when symptoms arise, seem to be the ones who do really well.

 


what is the taurine for? or rather, what does it help with?

I am taking biotin for my nails (was hoping it would help me stop losing my hair but no luck there)

 

I started taking taurine to help slow down my racing thoughts so I could sleep, it seemed to work well in combination with magnesium, so I kept taking it, even though I might not need it any more, my symptoms have improved a lot over the last year.

 

You might find that as you stabilize more, your hair loss with slow down. When I first went into withdrawal my hair was falling out by the handful, I thought I was going to end up completely bald, but as I've been healing the loss has slowed down and its actually thickened up quite a lot

Share this post


Link to post

well I have to be super careful with caffeine now I guess, I had a small dunks coffee the day before yesterday and a medium one yesterday

and my sleep has been a total mess

only able to sleep 20 mins to an hour at a time and totally exhausted

 

this sucks, the rare cup of coffee from dunks has been one of my special treats to myself

 

guess I'll have try decaf and see if i can handle that

 

still holding at 2.5mgs lexapro, not ready to make any changes

Share this post


Link to post

Oh man, I hope the decaf works for you!  It's so unfair that WD keeps chipping away at those simple pleasures!

 

SG

Share this post


Link to post

thanks SG

well I finally got about 4 hrs sleep in a row! I'm feeling a whole lot better!

 

gonna try to catch some sun today, get some good food in the house and um, maybe take a nap since 4hrs does not seem like quite enough lol

 

did you know yesterday was Chocolate Cake day? lol

your Hyperbole and a Half avatar reminds me of The God of Cake every time I see it

(I'm assuming you've seen it, http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/10/god-of-cake.html)

 

love cake

don't eat it very often and will NOT bake one, because IF  I were to bake a cake I would surely eat a cake

YEs the whole cake

done it before

*blush*

 

and sometimes with ice cream on the side as well

 

damn sweet tooth of mine! LOL

Share this post


Link to post

I'd seen it before, of course, but reading it again just now threw me into fits of laughing-coughing (getting over a cold) as if for the first time!  I just love her work!

 

I don't bake cakes for the same reason  :lol:

 

SG

Share this post


Link to post

Oh, you can still have cake!  Cake is very important.  You just need better ingredients to work with.  Spelt flour, coconut sugar, brown-rice syrup, tapioca flour, ground almonds.  Bliss-balls using dates for sweetness.  So many options!

 

Here's my fave NZ 'healthy' chef:  http://www.mydarlinglemonthyme.com/ so many delicious treats, and all healthy for us in w/d. 

 

...let them eat cake...

Share this post


Link to post

it's Feb 1st and I'm 60 years old! SIXTY!!! :excl: :excl: :excl:
woohoo!! :D
didn't think I'd ever make it this far!
& yes, I am shamelessly trolling for birthday wishes! lol ^_^  :blush: 

Usually I'm like, meh, another birthday, another day older....
but this year, I'm just so very happy to be alive (still), to have good health, good friends, to want for nothing and to have furry little love balls (my pet rats) in my life.

 

it is indeed a happy birthday!! :) :) :) :)

Share this post


Link to post

From one cat to another Happy Birthday catnapt.

Thanks for commenting in my intro recently.

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Cat.  I noticed you're taking Agave syrup, and just wanted you to be aware that it is very high in fructose. it has 85% fructose , which is much higher than sugar. It can wreak havoc on your metabolism . Although it is low G.I. , it can contribute to insulin resistance . It is promoted as being a healthy alternative to sugar , but in reality it is not. If you are following a low - carb diet, it might be worthwhile cutting this out . I just thought it was worth mentioning, as the drugs can mess with insulin etc, and you don't want to add to that. It could be the reason you're not losing weight. Also , you might be reacting to it like sugar, which you are obviously sensitive to.

I hope you can achieve stability from hereon in , with your tapering. It's good to hear that you're doing better. As Petunia said , if you are careful with your slow taper , you should be in a good place to stay relatively symptom free.

Ali

oh I am so sorry AliG, It looks like I never responded to this post, although I am sure I thought about it! I have been going thru my cupboards, in fact, taking out all the high carb stuff and also making a long shopping list of good healthy foods

 

thank you for your input! and for the good wishes!

I've had some waves but I focus almost exclusively on the windows. They seem to get longer that way!

 

the windows are so good, I almost get scared that I might be "manic" (got all the damn psych terms stuck in my brain) but since I have good feelings without any corresponding high energy states, I'm not worried about it.

I will just say that I am happy-

and be very happy that I AM HAPPY!

gosh it feels so good to be able to say that.

 

:)

Share this post


Link to post

From one cat to another Happy Birthday catnapt.

Thanks for commenting in my intro recently.

hey there cat! thanks for the birthday wishes!!

Share this post


Link to post

Happy Birthday, Catnapt!  I loved seeing your post, gave me a boost!  So happy that you made it to 60, and that your remaining years are drug fee and full of joy!  You are so close!  Woohoo!

 

SG

Share this post


Link to post

Darn Kids.. LOL  Very Happy Birthday Catnapt.  Congratulations on reaching the big 60 and I glad you're so excited about it. It's a good place to be.

 

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

Share this post


Link to post

thanks guys (and by guys I mean guys n gals lol)

I had a wonderful birthday!!
I told anyone who would listen that I'd just turned SIXTY!! hey, It only happens once, ya know??!?

 

I did overindulge in sugar and paid the price for that yesterday with physical pain and total exhaustion, but it looks like I'm on the rebound and will cut myself off sweets til my next birthday.

I have to remember to keep the connection clear in my mind- that no matter how good that chocolate tasted, the result is physical pain and fatigue and listlessness (for me, anyway)

 

I wanted to make this little note here to save, so that there is no shock if I mention my waves later one.

I recently read about how you can build on optimism by focusing on the good stuff, so I am (and have benen from the start) intentionally leaving out many if not most, of the details of my waves. I still have them, and the symptoms vary, but I refuse to let them take up any more time by stopping to recall them long enough to write them down

and when I'm in the middle of them, I prefer to try to distract myself as much as possible.

 

this does not take anything away from my healing or my happiness.

I can tell each day that I have come a very long way from where I was a year ago, or last summer, or even last month.

I am rejoicing in that. in all that is good and healthy and my happiness is real and feels so good.

so very good!

 

I think maybe it is true, you are about as happy as you make up your mind to be.

In reality I don't know that it's always that simple, but even when things are their bleakest, there's a way to let a bit of light in, even if it's only thinking back to the things that made you feel good before. You could be say, stuck at a bus stop waiting for a bus, and it's cold and snow has gotten in your boots and made your socks wet and your feet icy cold. Sure it's hard to be happy under those circumstances! but I think maybe if you, and by you, I mean me LOL because this is a situation I can imagine myself being in lol- if I think about how good it's gonna feel to get home and dry off my feet and put on warm socks, it would make that time of discomfort more bearable

 

 

um yeh, where did all this philosophical, or philoSOCKsical LOL stuff come from?!?! hahaha, maybe I need to go back on coffee with caffiene

 

I see that I've got a few responses from ppl that I didn't respond to yet, don't worry I'll get to it. Give me a poke if you don't hear from me in a week or so.

I've hurt my neck and need to spend less time online but I'll be around again soon-ish

 

 

thanks again for the birthday wishes!!

Share this post


Link to post

Happy belated birthday , Cat .  :)    

Your happiness is infectious !   I'm glad that you had a very happy birthday . I know you will do well.  You have a positive attitude, that will serve you well .

Ali

Share this post


Link to post

 

 

I think maybe it is true, you are about as happy as you make up your mind to be.

In reality I don't know that it's always that simple, but even when things are their bleakest, there's a way to let a bit of light in, even if it's only thinking back to the things that made you feel good before. You could be say, stuck at a bus stop waiting for a bus, and it's cold and snow has gotten in your boots and made your socks wet and your feet icy cold. Sure it's hard to be happy under those circumstances! but I think maybe if you, and by you, I mean me LOL because this is a situation I can imagine myself being in lol- if I think about how good it's gonna feel to get home and dry off my feet and put on warm socks, it would make that time of discomfort more bearable

 

Catnapt, I always love reading your updates, because they make me feel GOOD!  I wish I knew you in person; I'd just come over and hang around trying to absorb all your goodness!  I'll be referring people to this post where I see the need :-)

 

SG

Share this post


Link to post

I read a wonderful quote a few days ago that I'm thinking of adding to me signature and I think you would appreciate it:

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Catnapt,

 

Thanks for stopping by my thread and sharing you experience with Celexa!

Just want to say hi. I'm so happy for you getting peace with thes evil drug at the current time. Lexapro is the most potent ssir of all and I am very impressed you got down from 40 to 2.5. It seems lex is not too evil to your body. I hope your further taper is smooth.

 

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Catnapt,

 

Thanks for stopping by my thread and sharing you experience with Celexa!

Just want to say hi. I'm so happy for you getting peace with thes evil drug at the current time. Lexapro is the most potent ssir of all and I am very impressed you got down from 40 to 2.5. It seems lex is not too evil to your body. I hope your further taper is smooth.

 

Lex

thanks Lex

I am going to be following your thread as we're dealing with the same evil lexapro, grrrr Hopefully we can share ways to cope!

 

 

oh don't be too impressed by my steep drop on dose, Lex- I might be doing a lot better  if I'd known about the right way to taper, I dropped from 40mgs to 30mg and then very quickly down to the 2.5mgs where I am now. I was a mess, and am staying at 2.5mg for awhile now til things settle down

I still have some pretty bad days or parts of days, I just don't post about them.

 

I had a really bad day yesterday, ended up seeing a doctor which only made my day worse. Don't really want to talk about it right now (it was for a physical issue, a painful lump inside the bottom of one foot- I don't know why I bothered, he didn't know what it was but said it'd probably go away. I hate drs)

 

sorry this is not my usual upbeat post. I need some time to shake off the almost "dirty" feeling, the feeling of being contaminated, after being in a drs office

ROFL

that sounds so over the top silly but honestly, that is how I feel. My chart is full of crap about me being a "difficult" patient and I can't go anywhere without that info following me- you can't see another different dr anywhere without giving them access to your past medical records

 

so I am treated like crap no matter what.

 

and what was it that got me labelled difficult? I had withdrawal symptoms and had NO idea that is what they were. I thought I had some serious rare disease. I was scared, I was falling over from dizziness, my vision was (and still is) terribly affected, I have days when I can barely see anythign at all,

I had pains and horrible chills and then hot flushes (still do, just don't want to dwell on them) I had what I thought were panic attacks, now I think they may be those cortisol spikes, I need to read more about that.

I had severe hypersomnia ON the lexapro, and going off it, i have severe insomnia, rages, irritability, my ears ring like crazy, the whole nine yards.

 

ack

having a day!!

I hate the drug companies, the doctors who blindly follow what the drug companies tell them.......I hate that this is happening to so many people

I hate that I have zero trust for doctors, or even dentists, eye drs etc. I feel like every where you go, someone is trying to get money from you to benefit them and to hell with what it does to you. To hell with the fact that you're living at 25% BELOW the federal poverty level in a state where the cost of living is actually 13% or more above the national average.

 

oh, hell I'm into it now, I way as do a bit of a vent/rant about a different Dr situation:

I saw a cardiologist, an EP, the doctor who does ablations for afib patients. (this was a couple of months ago, not recently)

I have afib, and of course joined support groups for ppl with afib

The gold standard, supposedly, is that you want to prevent damage to your heart so you try to get an ablation as soon as you can, otherwise your afib will only get worse (I am WAY over simplifying this for time constraints)

so I ask the EP why no one has suggested an ablation for ME? (I actually know why, the operation is very expensive, my insurance only covers truly medically NECESSARY surgeries)

so I wanted to see how it is that so many ppl in my international afib groups believe that their ablations are MEDICALLY NECESSARY, as THEY are being told

so this EP I saw,

he tells me it's the LAST resort and honestly, he says, like it's a secret between the two of us, honestly, having an ablation is JUST a "quality of life" issue.

It's a freakin $100,000+ operation! It is what he does day after day after day

 

and he's telling me that basically no one really "Needs' an ablation, it just improves their quality of life but has NO impact on their longevity nor the potential complications of the condition that the ablation is supposed to treat, and actually, ppl are being told, ablations CURE afib. heh yeh, really???

But This is what he is telling me.

NOW he knows I have medicaid and medicaid is NOT going to pay for an ablation, it's just too expensive. they have to prove to the state that oversees medicaid that  there is no other way to treat my afib, that is not just as good. he has to be able to say that an ablation is medically necessary.

 

so I don't know, did he think he was just letting me down gently? cuz he knows I'll never get one, so he's trying to make it sound like an ablation is a kind of a waste of money?

 

did he not hear me say that I belong to SEVERAL world wide Afib support groups? did he not realize that I would go to my group  and say, good news,everyone save your money!! I saw my EP and he says that ablations aren't gonna cure you, that they only improve your quality of life but you dont REALLY need one, cuz you'll be just fine without this massively expensive and often painful and risky surgery?

 

he did back track just before the end of the visit, blurting out, well it IS what I do every day (ablations) so I'm not saying they're a bad thing.........

and he trailed off, presumably because he finally realized his mistake...... :P

 

and oh yes I immediately told the members of the afib groups that I've got an EP that says there's NO research that shows that ablations impact survival rates for ppl with afib

so save your $$ (most ppl still have huge copays or deductibles or have to pay a large percentage for this surgery, which often needs to be REPEATED to "take")

 

oy!

i hate doctors!

the profit motive is making it an adversarial relationship- that's the way I feel

I feel like I'm going to see the enemy, someone who only wants to relieve me of any money I might have, and nothing else

 

relieve the pain in the bottom of my foot?? (back to that dr yesterday, sorry to switch mid vent LOL) hell, he didnt' care. he had no ideas. He only say that what I came up with to try to help was not a good idea, but could not offer anything better

 

jack asses, they are all jack asses

 

I had a very bad day yesterday. today is not starting out too great but I'm going to try to focus on the good things

THE  SUN IS OUT! I LOVE THE SUNSHINE THESE DAYS. the rest of the week is supposed to be snowy and cloudy so I am gonna go out and soak up the sun.

with my boots and my winter coat on of course, it is winter here lol

 

/rant over

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Catnapt.  It's good to have a " rant" every now and then , particularly if it's about Doc's and/or "Big Pharma". Totally understand.

Can I ask you , what is considered Afib ?  I have SVT.  Is it the same thing ? No one ( including the Doc's) have ever given me an answer. I believe it's drug related. I never had it pre-drugs.  Any thoughts ?

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Catnapt.  It's good to have a " rant" every now and then , particularly if it's about Doc's and/or "Big Pharma". Totally understand.

Can I ask you , what is considered Afib ?  I have SVT.  Is it the same thing ? No one ( including the Doc's) have ever given me an answer. I believe it's drug related. I never had it pre-drugs.  Any thoughts ?

Hi AliG,

I had to look up SVT, because I didn't know what it was either. I may have had a single episode of SVT when I was 18yrs old, during a pulmonary angiogram- I only know that my heart rate was dangerously high, and I was given an injection that stopped my heart and re set it back to a normal rhythm. It scared the crap out of me, thats for sure! It was a very long time before I had a super high heart rate like that again, and that is when I was told it was afib. BUT they could not tell me if that first time was afib or something else. it's too late to get the records, it's been over 40ys

 

I looked up SVT and found these two pages that seem easy to read:

http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/tc/supraventricular-tachycardia-overview

 

this** page explains what SVT is, and it seems to say that atrial fibrillation, which is what I've been diagnosed with, is a kind or type of SVT *shrug*  You may wish to ask which kind you have, since the treatment can be very different. For me I avoid the things that triggered episodes the past, and I decline most of the drugs they push on me, so long as I"m able to control the episodes. If I started to go into afib more often, I would re consider the drugs. Maybe......LOL they all have terrible side effects including giving you a whole NEW heart issue! :( yeh, I want to take them drugs, oh yeh :/ (cue sarcasm)

 

** http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/heart_vascular_institute/conditions_treatments/conditions/supraventricular_tachycardia.html

 

There are MANY things that trigger heart arrhythmias, and drugs are surely  on the list. Being dehydrated, having low potassium, eating too much, stress!! all sorts of things can trigger episodes, but do not necessary "cause" the disorder in the first place.

From what I am learning on the afib groups, doctors do not really know for sure, why some ppl get these conditions and others dont. There is so much that they don't know, it always shocks me, because when you go a Dr they talk as if what they are telling you is an absolute fact, and not just a theory.

Very much like what we've been told about psych meds *groan*

I figure it's always good to keep an open mind and to be a bit skeptical of anything that you're told. Sadly for me, I tend to ask questions that drs seem to take offense at, like I am questioning their authority or competence (Mostly I am just very curious and want to know LOL)

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Cat.      That episode you had at 18 yrs sounds the same, as mine.  I had the injection of Adenosine to bring the heart rate back to normal .  I didn't know the drugs ( heart) had side effects, as I have never been interested, but that certainly doesn't surprise me.   I believe the psych drugs started this, in the first place. I think , after this we should all be skeptical of everything ( medical ) . It's good to ask questions, or preferably do the " homework " yourself.  Thanks for the links. I appreciate you taking the time to do a bit of research. Much appreciated.

 

If you're still having symptoms, I would continue to hold for a good while to let your CNS settle .

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Cat.      That episode you had at 18 yrs sounds the same, as mine.  I had the injection of Adenosine to bring the heart rate back to normal .  I didn't know the drugs ( heart) had side effects, as I have never been interested, but that certainly doesn't surprise me.   I believe the psych drugs started this, in the first place. I think , after this we should all be skeptical of everything ( medical ) . It's good to ask questions, or preferably do the " homework " yourself.  Thanks for the links. I appreciate you taking the time to do a bit of research. Much appreciated.

 

If you're still having symptoms, I would continue to hold for a good while to let your CNS settle .

 

hell again, AliG

OH you know the name of the drug, I did not. I was given it a second time when I was in the ambulance on the way to the ER, they didn't want to move me because my heart rate was so high, so they said they were going to inject something that would make me feel a lot worse but then hopefully feel a lot better.

I didn't know what it was called. If they told me, it went in one ear and out the other lol

it didn't work this time, so they had to take me on to the hospital

 

I have no idea if adenosine is dangerous, but the anti arrhythmia drugs can be quite dangerous. Many of them can only be started while you are in the hospital, because they can cause a new heart issue that can kill you if it's not treated immediately

Fun stuff, eh? I was given several of these while I was in the hospital and many of those bad things happened, my blood pressure went super low, and it was just awful.

When I got home, I joined the afib groups, did a lot of research and found out I'd be much better off staying HOME if I go into afib, and just waiting it out, since for me, at least, my heart will go back into normal sinus rhythm on its on. they even admitted at the hospital that the drugs they gave me didn't help and probably just prolonged the time it took to get back to NSR (normal sinus rhythm)

 

no need to thank me for the research<  I was curious and wanted to know for my own benefit as well. and I learned that afib is considered a type of SVT, I did not know that

 

yes I'm holding at my 2.5mgs and have been for quite some time now. I was hoping to be able to start to taper again this month but I'm just not feeling like it's time yet.

 

I know healing is happening, so it's all good

 

at least I know now what  is happening, and what happened all the OTHER times I tried to go off these drugs and went thru hell with no clue about WD. I thought I was either losing my mind, or had some exotic disease, esp with the waves. I'd make an appt with a dr for something and by the time I got there, I'd be in a window and I'd be all embarrassed for wasting their time. Or I'd go in with a wave and tell them that it's happened before, but got better, and I can't pin point any reason why it did get better....... and they were insisting I was just depressed. Or looking for attention. Or making it up. Or having panic attacks. :/

 

so, it's a HUGE relief to know its WD! I'd love to be able to go back and tell those rude drs you were wrong, and this is not all in my head, or a panic attack or depression, etc.

it's real and it's not my fault!!!!!

 

hmm, still got some residual anger, I see LOL

 

I gotta take a shower and get outside in this SUN! we won't see it again for the rest of the week

 

Have a good day!

Share this post


Link to post

Dear catnapt,

 

I am in complete agreement with you about doctors! This is especially true when we are trying to make them understand the p drug WD! I once had a visit to a neurologist for my lexapro caused problems. One statement he made makes me very angry and disappointed. He said lots ppl are having serious diseases like cancer, why you care about your issue with a drug.

 

I still haven't found time to read through your entire thread, but understand you tapered quickly from 40 to 2.5. I will talk to you more after I finish reading the whole story of yours, but like to know how you are doing now?

 

 

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

Darn Kids.. LOL  Very Happy Birthday Catnapt.  Congratulations on reaching the big 60 and I glad you're so excited about it. It's a good place to be.

 

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

oh who you calling a kid? you must be ancient in comparison eh? lol

I was gonna say I can't wait to hit the next big milestone birthday but no, actually I *can* wait LOL time goes way too quickly now. I would like it to slow down a bit and be like it was when I was a kid waiting for a holiday that seemed as if it would never arrive.

ohhhhhhhh the good ol day LOL

 

thanks so much for the birthday wishes and HUG. I need to try to get some of those in real life, have even been contemplating going a bit into debt to get a massage.

Share this post


Link to post

Dear catnapt,

 

I am in complete agreement with you about doctors! This is especially true when we are trying to make them understand the p drug WD! I once had a visit to a neurologist for my lexapro caused problems. One statement he made makes me very angry and disappointed. He said lots ppl are having serious diseases like cancer, why you care about your issue with a drug.

 

I still haven't found time to read through your entire thread, but understand you tapered quickly from 40 to 2.5. I will talk to you more after I finish reading the whole story of yours, but like to know how you are doing now?

 

 

Lex

 

 

oh my we must have similar doctors!! even when they don't come right out and say it, as yours did, they imply that you should not complain unless you are dying.

well, they would be out of a job fast if all of their pts were dying, now wouldn't they? :P

 

I don't tell the drs about my withdrawal, they get all pissy as it is.

 

 

I am copying and pasting something here I read on another post/thread that I find helpful, I hope that's ok; brassmonkey wrote it:

 

 

 

There is a mental process I refer to as the "Anger Spiral".  In this case the neuroanger (drug induced anger) starts the process.  It trips off thoughts of oppression and being put upon.  These thoughts feed into each other and spiral upwards until some innocuous event, a child's look, causes them to explode in an irrational violent manner. Not understanding the Anger Spiral was the prime reason I started on Paxil so many years ago. 

 

There is nothing to be done about the neuroanger, it's going to come and go as it pleases.  Neuroanger needs to be Acknowledged, Accepted and Ignored as best as possible. However, with work the Anger Spiral can be tamed and controlled.  The first thing is to realize that it's happening and then immediately act to counter it.  This calls for constantly analyzing every situation for your reactions to it and trying to catch the thoughts of oppression/frustration before they even start, let alone get out of hand.  Once the thoughts have been identified as happening then the person has to "change the channel" and deliberately think of something else to break the spiral.  It takes a lot of practice, but it really does work,

 

One key in the early stages of learning it is to remove ones self from the situation as soon as they realize that things are starting. Just turn and walk away.  It's much better to be seen as rude than to be violent.  Disarm the situation and then control the emotions. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Right now I have a lot of physical pain. I do not handle pain well. when I am in physical pain, I am generally also angry or on the verge of being angry. It does not take much to set me off. I was physically abused as a child and also beaten when I was married, so pain feels like punishment- and it makes me angry.

 

My way of dealing with the pain in my foot and knee, which is now causing all sorts of other pains- ankle, hip, etc- is to sleep a lot. watch tv, and just sleep.

 

being in pain is bad, being in pain and not getting enough sleep, and I could easily be a person who lashes out at someone and gets myself in deep trouble, which is why I saved that info about anger

 

I found myself triggered by the dr that I saw for my foot pain- it set off a whole series of bad feelings, about the primary care doc I got the nasty letter from, and just being treated poorly by doctors in general because at least in this state, if you have been labelled mentally ill, that's pretty  much a license to treat you like a 2nd class citizen.

 

 

 

Today I had to go out and walk on this very very painful foot and leg, and all the way I was talking to myself (not out loud, in my  head) saying, this hurts, this hurts bad, I hate pain, it makes me angry, I am angry, very angry, to have this pain, it's ok to be angry, and if nothing else, it was a bit of a distraction

 

I am going to try to do this labeling feelings more often and see how it goes. I am noticing that my interactions with other ppl are NOT going well, and since it's not just one person, It seems to be nearly everyone I talk to, from the cashier at the drug store to the clerk at the PO etc, I am thinking that I am sounding angry when I talk to ppl.

I am in pain, and I find it almost impossible to smile and be happy when I am in pain, I don't seem to even be able to fake it.

 

so, something for me to work on.

it will keep me out of trouble perhaps

ROFL

 

hope anyone who stops by here to read is having a good day and is not in any pain!!!!!!!!!! cuz pain SUCKS! :wacko:

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Cat, wish I can be there with you for the pain. I know so much about the most strange and intensive pains these drugs cause, and for that reason, I feel I can help others in such pain with light massage on whole body and deep pressure on spine. 

 

If anyone nearby is able to do that to you, I hope you can try see if it helps. I remember my chiropractor helped me a lot with pain last year. I am not doing that anymore though as I am too sick this year to even go out.

 

My brain is too dead lately can't find the birthday info in your post, but saw a birthday greeting from Brass, so I want to wish you a happy birthday too!

 

Also sending a big hug!

lex

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Catnapt--

 

Not ancient but I got several years on you.  I actually never cop to being old and I'm not looking forward to the milestone after the upcoming one (retirement).  My wife and I have been putting the finishing touches on our budget plans for retirement and that involves setting an actual END POINT.  The prospects of which I'm not too excited even though it's still a good long ways off.

 

Feel free to copy and paste my blitherings words of wisdom, I'm glad that you find them useful.  I've found a similar approach can be directed toward physical pain with good results.

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Cat, wish I can be there with you for the pain. I know so much about the most strange and intensive pains these drugs cause, and for that reason, I feel I can help others in such pain with light massage on whole body and deep pressure on spine. 

 

If anyone nearby is able to do that to you, I hope you can try see if it helps. I remember my chiropractor helped me a lot with pain last year. I am not doing that anymore though as I am too sick this year to even go out.

 

My brain is too dead lately can't find the birthday info in your post, but saw a birthday greeting from Brass, so I want to wish you a happy birthday too!

 

Also sending a big hug!

lex

aw thanks so much for the hug and birthday wishes! I turned 60 on Feb1st ;-)

 

thanks for the ideas, yes I do believe that a massage would help a lot. I am going to look into that in the next few days. I think I saw some introductory offers when they get a mini massage to see if you like it. And there used to be a hospital program with a seated massage while you are fully clothed. that is a great idea for those of us who were abused ;-)

 

I hope you feel better soon Lex. I am thinking of you and sending good thoughts and positive energy your way. It can't hurt, right? and it might help.

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Catnapt--

 

Not ancient but I got several years on you.  I actually never cop to being old and I'm not looking forward to the milestone after the upcoming one (retirement).  My wife and I have been putting the finishing touches on our budget plans for retirement and that involves setting an actual END POINT.  The prospects of which I'm not too excited even though it's still a good long ways off.

 

Feel free to copy and paste my blitherings words of wisdom, I'm glad that you find them useful.  I've found a similar approach can be directed toward physical pain with good results.

hahahah too funny

yeh I try not to think about the END POINT but my brother died two years ago (on my birthday) and he was only 61...unnerving.

so I try to squeeze as much enjoyment out of life whenever it comes my way.

 

what else can you do?

Share this post


Link to post

I am trying to wrap my head around what has happened. my privacy has been violated in the worst possible way, by the last "therapist" I saw and it's caused damage that can probably never be fixed.

 

I am devastated. I suspected something for awhile but as my head clears and I look back on things that were said, when they were said and how they were said, I realize my therapist didn't just betray my confidence, she did it in a clearly back stabbing way that she probably thought would advance her career and gain her favor with her friends/business associates. 

 

the scary thing is how easily she has lied to my face about it, and also on the phone. Ok it's easier to lie on the phone, but to my face, she lied, and did not show the least bit of discomfort doing so. She really seems to think she did nothing wrong.

 

I don't know what to do. this is not a heavily populated area, my options are limited. I plan to report her for violating another client's privacy by telling ME about this other client, but beyond that, since I have no proof that she violated my privacy I don't know what I can do, and I am afraid that there will be a back lash that will only cause ME more harm.

Share this post


Link to post

ok then, an update so I have some sort of record.

I've been sick with the flu since late Thursday the 11th, hoowee it's been bad.

 

something odd was happening on Sat- i would be watching tv or really just listening to it, I don't look at it that often. anyway, there would be some bit of sad news or a sad story and I would find myself tearing up.

 

this has not happened in YEARS. any kind of sadness, even grief, it's been really flattened out and boxed up, it seems, and it rarely came out of that box...

and now, it's like I can feel and I like it but I'm a little nervous, what if all those emotions that were not expressed or felt for so many years, what if they all come spilling out at once?

eep

 

my beloved rat is sick and she is old and am I afraid I will lose her soon. and tears come when I don't even think I"m thinking about it

 

my eyes just start to leak!! does this happen to anyone else in WD?

 

i want someone to talk to but there's no one.

 

ack bad day

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Catnap

 

Sorry to hear you are a bit tearful today. I just wanted to let you know I've been reading your thread and I've been chuckling away, so let that warm your heart.

 

as for the therapist, I recall one who really p'd me off. I was seeing her for a short while and cos things weren't working out, I asked her to write to the psych to say we were stopping. A year down the line I requested a copy of my psych's records and lo, in front of me is this letter, sharing details of our conversations and saying how chaotic I was and all sorts of stuff that got me really riled. The best bit was that she mentioned it was nothing to do with us not being able to form a relationship, when it was every bit that. Talk about misplaced self assurance!! I got so mad, and wanted to write to her etc. But I decided to let go. Because, over time I've learned to choose my battles and think whether it's going to affect my health in pursuing it. Sometimes that means I have to let injustice happen, which I HATE doing, but I weigh it up each time. After all, why should they make you ill on top of the damage they've already done. I don't think about it now, but it has lessened my trust in therapists. Mind you, having said all that, I'm quite charged up and ready to write

 

Anyway, I hope your day has improved a little. I've not had the best, but hanging on in there. You're so fortunate to have managed to get so low on lexapro from 20 in such a short space of time. I've also had so many times of stopping and starting, I can't count.

 

ps- can I just ask why you don't use the liquid form of the drug? Maybe I missed it above...

 

Best wishes, Ali

Share this post


Link to post

pips. I'm supposed to be cooking tea. Your thread had me totally distracted. Had better get up and look busy!!

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Catnapt-- It's exciting that you're starting to feel emotions again. I was pretty nervous when mine started to show up again, but they emerged slowly at a rate that could be handled.  I've heard others say the same thing.  As for tearing up I do it all the time and frequently in difficult places like at work.

 

((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now