success ☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

[LexAnger]

Semi- window is a great sign and the start of a full window.

I'm happy for you the reinstate continue working out well, a very tricky step, I had my fingers crossed these days.

[Happy2Heal]

Semi- window is a great sign and the start of a full window.

I'm happy for you the reinstate continue working out well, a very tricky step, I had my fingers crossed these days.

oh gosh I hope it's the start of a full window, that would be awesome

 

how are you doing?

[LexAnger]

Been in the worst wave ever, struggling real big every minute for the past two weeks already. Just hang in and wait for it to be over.

[Happy2Heal]

oh I am so sorry! is there anything I can do? do you feel up for talking on the phone?

[LexAnger]

 

just sent you a PM

[Happy2Heal]

I was wondering if someone could help me with some math?

I started tapering (at a too fast rate, before I found SA) from 30mgs down to 2.5mgs last June 2015 and was down to 2.5mgs by Dec 2105

 

I ended up jumping off at 2.5mgs in May 2016, after a failed attempt to reinstate at 2mgs (now I realize I should have tried something lower, perhaps)

 

I recently reinstated at 1/5 of a mg and am just now starting to have a few windows.

 

 

But what I am wondering is, IF I had done the 10% taper, where would I be now? what dose?

I don't know if this info will be useful in terms of where I am in my recovery but I feel like it might give me either some hope- that maybe I'm not doing all that badly overall

OR that it might inform me better on how to proceed.

right now I am so terrified of going back to where I was a couple of weeks ago, with the horrifying intrusive thoughts and everything that else that was so bad I hate to even think about it-

that I am thinking I don't ever want to try to taper again.

 

I forget how long you are supposed to hold between tapers, also- is it 3 or 4 weeks or something like that?

 

thanks in advance to any math wiz who is willing to help me with this!

 

[scallywag]

Starting at 20 mg in June 2015 and reducing by 10% every 4 weeks:

Between June 15, 2015 and November 15, 2016, there are 74 weeks and eighteen (18) 4-week periods in that time frame.

 

The fast way to get there is using an exponent.

(1-0.1)¹⁸ = 0.150, 15.0% x 20 mg = 3.0 mg

 

---edited to add---

The long way around is to multiple each of 18 doses by 90% or 0.90

20 x 90% = 18

18 x 90% = 16.2

16.2 x 90% = 14.6

etc.

 

nz11 put together a spreadsheet and posted it here in his thread.

Edited November 14, 2016 by scallywag

[Frogie]

Hi:

I can't figure out that math, bu I know there is a spreadsheet that nz11? Made that you put in your starting dosage and it calculates your tapers. You are supposed to taper every 4 weeks or how you feel.

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[SquirrellyGirl]

If you began at 30 mg a year ago June, as I read it, then at 10% every four weeks you should be at 4.5 mg now.

 

SG

[Happy2Heal]

thank you scallywag, frogie and SG

 

Ok so no matter how you look at it, being at 1/5 of a mg is way ahead of schedule, IF I had tapered properly.

 

I am still struggling quite a bit with WD symptoms, I don't like to discuss them because it just seems to trigger them more but basically the same things that led me to re instate back on Oct 26th

 

I know it's only been a little over 2 weeks, but I am wondering if I should up dose a tiny bit to see if that makes a difference- or hold.

 

I know, I know, HOLDING Is hard work... but is it supposed to be this hard?

I just don't know how much more of what I"m going thru now I can handle. I wake up wishing this to be over and the only way I can see out of this is to die. I wish for death to come to me soon. I don't mean to upset any one by that and I have no plans whatsoever do act on that wish.

I have read other threads of ppl going thru something quite similar, fearing that they were dying while alternatively wishing they would.

 

I won't make any changes til ppl weigh in on it, but my feeling is that since I'd normally be at 3 or 4 mgs doing a proper taper, maybe my body is just wanting me to be at a tiny bit higher dose

 

I would NOT go up that high, I am talking about maybe another 1/10 of a mg. Just something so I don't wake up at 2 am (It was 4 am but now I am able to go to sleep a bit early, so I wake up earlier)

 

I did do a "fat" 1/10 of a mg twice now, drawing the liquid up to just a tiny bit over the line and did notice an increase in nausea with that but not much else.

[Frogie]

I don't know if you should up your dose or not. I'm in no shape as you know to tell other people what to do. I was stupid and messed with my meds and messed me all up.

I hope you don't do anything foolish. You will get through this. I think everyday, I have cancer or something, but it's just WD's. Like you told me. I'm holding on all my meds until the 1st of the year, then taper whatever I'm supposed to taper 1st.

I want it over with too, but unfortunately, I think we are all stuck in the same position, just different doses.

Hang in there, it can only get better

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

thanks Frogie,

it will get better eventually

 

 

I have been noticing that all my clothes are falling off of me. I don't have much of an appetite but I do force myself to eat 3 small meals every day.

 

I have been gradually losing wt since starting a new diet about 3 yrs ago or so, and so I expect a small (1/2lb to 1lb tops) wt loss per week, but I got on the scale and I have lost 9 lbs in a week.

 

Should I be concerned?

 

I have actually eaten more this past week than in past weeks, as the nausea, vomiting and diarrhea have gradually improved each day.

 

I got some higher calorie foods at the store yesterday.  Most ppl are happy to lose wt, but  I feel like this is too much, too fast.

 

I am in a pattern of frequent waves now, with little breaks in between where I feel almost normal. Sadly those are somewhat spoiled by anticipitatory anxiety about the next wave :/
I am fighting hard to not think ahead like that but it's getting harder to do, the more waves I have.

 

I'm using a lot of guided meditaitions and mindfulness and now I have a puzzle website that someone else here put a link to, sorry i have forgotten who it was

 

I guess I am going to have to go clothes shopping! I don't even know what size to look for.

[Happy2Heal]

what a difference the time of day makes for me! mornings are brutal, esp when I first wake up at 2 am.

things get a wee bit better as sunrise approaches, then I am hit with a big wave as soon as I get out of bed to face the day- scared, every day so scared.

 

by noon I start to think I can't make it thru another day like this but I put on a relaxation tape, or some soothing music, or call someone, or try to get busy with somethign that will occupy my mind so that as 2 pm rolls around, I am starting to think I will make it thru the day after all.

Now, almost 4 pm and I have a wee window, a feeling like, omg kid, you did it, you're in the home stretch now, because for me, the evenings are typically the least symptomatic (not always but overall, once the sun has gone down, I feel a great sense of relief, even if i am still having panic attacks or just generalized anxiety)

 

 

(listening to this right now, it's good if you like piano music, I didnt' know that I did LOL https://youtu.be/9uKVI6_Fm4g?list=RD9uKVI6_Fm4g)

 

 

QUESTION I am wondering if my days would be better if I took the entire dose of lexapro in the morning, instead of splitting it up,  but my fear is that doing so could undo all the progress I've made so far.

It is now day 20 since reinstating.

no changes, no changes, hold hold hold hold hold!!

but it's tempting to try to tweak it.

 

last night I wasted most of my 'best time of the day"  in anticipatory anxiety. I tried so hard not to, but I kept coming back to how bad the night would probably be. stupid I know.

I will just try harder to enjoy the better times and save up my strength for the rougher spots.

 

to anyone going thru this, and reading this, please take me as an example of what not to do!

when the mods here tell you to taper, take them seriously. Dont think, as I did, that just because you are managing ok with the WD at first, that it will stay that way as you get further and further off the drug.

 

read Scallywag's thread, and see what a good long taper can do to make WD a whole lot easier to deal with.

 

thanks again to everyone here who has the courage to share their story, their advice, tips and ideas, to support each other as we go thru this. I am so grateful to have found you all and only wish I'd made better use of the advice I'd been given sooner.

It does help. it's not a magic bullet but as we all now know, there is no such thing.

 

i pray that everyone here heals and then leaves a great story of their success for the others who may need it in their darkest hours.

I pray that I will have a great success story to leave for someone, to give them hope.

[Altostrata]

you're taking such a teeny amount, it may not be lasting through the night.

 

You're taking 0.1mg a.m. and 0.1mg p.m.? You may want to take 0.1mg a.m. and 0.2mg p.m.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

thanks so much Alto I will try that tonight

[scallywag]

From the tapering to almost zero topic:
 

On 11/16/2016 at 10:23 AM, scallywag said:

We can figure it out.

Possible situation:

At some point you're ready to taper, you want to be cautious so decide that you'd like to reduce
by 5%, 0.005 mg from 0.1 mg to 0.095 mg.

• Put 0.1 ml of the Lex liquid in a marked container.
• Add water to the 100 ml line.
• Shake or stir to distribute the Lex.
• Remove and discard 5 ml of the solution.
• Drink the remaining 95 ml of the solution.

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

oh cool, thanks scallywag!! I never would have come up with that as a solution. 

 

when the time comes, I am sure I'll be requesting help with the math (I have always had math anxiety- you should see me doing my budget, it's not pretty)  I hope you dont' mind. you have been so generous with your time and help!

 

I will have to start looking for containers like that, I believe the name of them is in that thread, I will dig it up and save it.

 

I am gong to up my evening dose to 0.15- I know Alto said it should be ok to go to 0.2 but I am scared to overshoot and end up worse off.

if the result is positive, I get sleep, and reduced panic on waking up, then I may nudge it up more.
I am very scared to go to make any big changes, and to me that seems big

 

so bizarre to be thinking this way, after thinking nothing about jumping up in dose from 10 to 20 to 30 to 40 mgs in the past :?

makes me want to go back in time and shake my former self and tell her she's an idiot.

[Happy2Heal]

day 22 since the initial reinstatement of liquid lexapro

 

I updosed a tiny bit last night, per suggestion by Alto but only went to 0.15 instead of all the way to 0.2 (yeh, I'm chicken, what can I say?)

I fell asleep a little earlier, maybe 9:30 ish? woke up an hour later approx, fell back asleep, was restless with some awakenings but did not fully wake up til just after 2 am (and have been awake since, listening to meditation cds over and over and over again)

I only had one small episode of heart pounding and was able to keep on top of the anxiety.

got up and had some severe nausea and dry heaves, otherwise don't feel too badly.

 

thanks so much for the suggestion to increase the PM dose Alto.  I feel like I am more or less back at where I was before the horrible wave hit- with insomnia and early awakening but as of this moment, no other significant distressing symptoms (I tend to ignore anything that is not really bothersome. so there are other symptoms I just don't like to dwell on them or even list them, I feel like that gives them more power, somehow. I don't know if that's silly or what but it seems to work for me sometimes at least)

Ignoring the massive panic etc did NOT work, however .

 

oh note to myself, I forgot the second dose of magnesium last night, that might have helped.

 

Note to anyone following my thread, see, it DOES get better!!

whew!

 

it will get better for you too.

[Happy2Heal]

ack I forgot a few things

 

other symptoms that have gradually been improving over the past 3 weeks:

    intrusive thoughts are greatly reduced, and when they occur, I try to counter them with mindfulness, deep breathing or repeating my yoga mantra (may I be well, may I be happy, may I be filled with loving kindness)

 

wild fluctuations in body temp from super hot and sweating profusely to so cold nothing would warm up- those have leveled off a bit each day. Now I'm more likely to feel too cold but I think that may be from lack of sleep and the wt loss. I don't know

 

I don't have DP or DR most of the time any more either.

 

I still don't have much of an appetite but I do force myself to eat. I am trying to find ppl to share a meal with me, I tend to eat more when I'm with someone else.

[Frogie]

Hi

 

Sounds like you are doing a little better. I'm glad to hear that.

I have heard that people lose a lot of weight, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. And the diet you are on will make anyone lose weight lol... Glad to hear you are sleeping a little more. I think you are just worn out.

Hopefully you can find someone to share your meal with, you need to eat. I'm not very good at eating, just not hungry.

I can see it does get better. Guess we will see how I do after the 1st of the year. Hopefully you will be a lot more healed by then and we can help each other. I'm really glad though you are doing so much better! Take care, Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[scallywag]

FYI 100 ml is just less than ½ cup (4 fl. oz.) which is approximate 120 ml.

If you're out and about in local shops, you may be able to find Pyrex measuring cups with metric markings. They're widely available in Canada and also have the imperial measures; we're officially "bilingual" in a number of ways.

 

I'm sure specialty cooking stores have them because using metric measures makes it easier to multiply baking recipes.
 

 
They're called graduated cylinders.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

 

 

 

YI 100 ml is just less than ½ cup (4 fl. oz.) which is approximate 120 ml.

 

If you're out and about in local shops, you may be able to find Pyrex measuring cups with metric markings. They're widely available in Canada and also have the imperial measures; we're officially "bilingual" in a number of ways.

 

I'm sure specialty cooking stores have them because using metric measures makes it easier to multiply baking recipes.

thanks Scallywag!  I'll be looking for those. got a couple of months before I make any changes in dose, but it pays to be prepared ;-)

 

I forgot to mention a few other symptoms (because they were so low on my list of bothersome things, the panic etc being the worst)

but the ringing in my ears has gotten much better (far less often and not as loud)

and my sensitivity to sound is not as bad.

 

so there is a solid trend to things improving, thank goodness. those hours from 2 am til I get up, as well as the first part of the day, that's still very hard but i'm getting thru it

 

and that's what matters, right?

[Blondiee1915]

So glad you are doing better.  It seems that the big scary symptoms are no longer there or not as intense.  That is good to hear and encouraging for me since our journeys have some similarities =) 

 

Regarding insomnia, mine started about 3 months after stopping completely.  It is much better now, I would wake up only once in the middle of the night.  Reinstatement helped for sure

 

Weight loss: I noticed that I started dropping weight about 3 months after stopping lexapro and my appetite started to diminish as well.  I also have to make myself eat.  The first 3 months were okay, I was hungry, I was eating, but then it hit me. The good thing is now I can be bad and have some burgers or fries or dessert.  I dropped about 10 lbs in two weeks frame.  

 

Cheering for you =) 

[Happy2Heal]

So glad you are doing better.  It seems that the big scary symptoms are no longer there or not as intense.  That is good to hear and encouraging for me since our journeys have some similarities =) 

 

Regarding insomnia, mine started about 3 months after stopping completely.  It is much better now, I would wake up only once in the middle of the night.  Reinstatement helped for sure

 

Weight loss: I noticed that I started dropping weight about 3 months after stopping lexapro and my appetite started to diminish as well.  I also have to make myself eat.  The first 3 months were okay, I was hungry, I was eating, but then it hit me. The good thing is now I can be bad and have some burgers or fries or dessert.  I dropped about 10 lbs in two weeks frame.  

 

Cheering for you =) 

 

 

hi there friend! thanks so much for stopping by!

 

oh that's so good to hear that the insomnia has improved for you, I hope it does for me too and soon!!  Makes me think perhaps it would be ok for me to go up a wee bit more, this lack of sleep is wearing me down. It's cumulative, I think- or it feels that way. :/

 

oh you lost wt too? I did not expect this. I have always had a robust appetite to say the least, so having to force myself to eat is so very strange LOL

yep, we can cheat now. heh.

this is not the way anyone would want to lose wt, but hey it gets the job done, huh?

 

I'm cheering you on too. We're gonna make it thru this. and Life will be good again.

[Happy2Heal]

day 23 since reinstating

 

as per suggestion, I did increase the evening dose, first to 0.15mg (11/15) because I was afraid to go all the way to 0.2mg as Alto suggested- just call me chicken LOL) and then, since that did improve things,  I went to 0.2 mgs

 

 

and I slept, not much longer than usual, but much more restful sleep. I was tired and laid down earlier and fell asleep during a show I usually try to stay awake to see.

when I woke up again it was around 1:30 or so? I have to check the tv schedule because I didn't have a clock available, but it was the second showing of the 11 oclock news and I THOUGHT It was the 5 am daybreak news, that is  how well rested I felt!

 

(here, there is local news from 11 to 11:30, then Jimmy Kimmel for an hour? or is a half hour? I don't know, I am never awake for that any more. After that is Night Line and immediately following that, our local news at 11 repeats itself, that is when I woke up the first time)

I drifted off to sleep and heard the start of World News Now. I avoid the news so I got up, shut off the TV and went into bed

Ordinarily, I would need to put on my mediation CDs and I would be awake with severe anxiety, listening to those for hours and hours, trying to relax and calm myself

Instead I got into bed, and just laid there, practicing my breathing and drifting off to some broken sleep off and on.
it wasn't til 6 am that I felt the need to put on a CD and I listened to that til 6:45 and got up

 

No nausea, no dry heaves, a little coughing fit but that was it.

 

SO!

long story short, updosing has been a huge success.

the only additional unpleasant symptoms was that I was sweating a lot, esp during the first period of sleep, less so as the night wore on

 

and approx 1/2 hr or so before my next dose of lexapro is due, I have some ringing in my ears

 

this is NOTHING compared to all that I've been thru so far

 

I decided that I need the rest more than I need to rush thru WD, so I updosed this morning to 0.15mg and will keep the PM dose at 0.2mg

 

If I have a good night again tonight, I may consider going up to 0.2 in the am and keeping the pm dose at 0.2 for a grand total of 0.4mgs

 

that does give me a bit of anxiety as I only have a LIMITED quantity of liquid lexapro and need to try to WD safely before it runs out.

 

I will be looking for math help with that.

I currently have a bottle that contains 75mLs of liquid lexapro  1mg/mL

 

I can refill it once for 75mLs more and then I have a remainder of just 15mLs (I am having an anxiety attack as I write this)

 

I believe that, at a dose of 0.4mgs, this gives me 187 days per bottle, MINUS the amnt that I've already used out of it.  (i'm not up for doing that math right now)

that means I have about a year to taper off. I want to stay and stabilize at a low dose for at least a month, preferably longer but if I need to start the micro taper sooner, in order not to have to jump off at too high a dose, I will suck it up and do that.

 

so I am hoping someone can help me work out a plan for this: for how long I stay at 0.35mgs or 0.4mg and how to reduce it slowly (micro taper) so that I do not get to 0 before I am ready

 

there is only a slim chance that I can find a dr willing to Rx the liquid for me again but I am working on finding one who might. I can't really count on it, drs here are just not very flexible

 

 

 

thank you again to everyone who has cheered me on, given me advice, held my hand thru the dark spots, and shared your stories, the good and the bad, it's been immensely helpful to me

I may not be around and may not be contacting any one via any method for a while, I will see how it goes, since I need to put some distance between me and what I just went thru. I dont' know if I'm explaining or expressing this quite right But I am sure a lot of you know what I mean

 

sometimes I just need to get away from it all, otherwise I feel like i might slip back into that bad place.

 

so please do not be upset if you don't  hear from me for a bit, ok?

I will likely check in to see how ppl are doing but dont plan on writing much.

However, PLEASE know that I am still cheering you on and thinking about how you are doing.

 

we all need to take care of ourselves first, of course, and that is what I will be doing.

as they say, you can't pour from an empty cup.

 

Fill yourselves up, peeps!

 

with gratitude, Cat

 

 

 

 

[scallywag]

You may get a scrip for the liquid from a new doctor if you take your current bottle with you to the appointment. That way they'll know another doc prescribed it for you and may be more willing to keep things the same for you.

 

Also, you don't need to let them know you're currently taking very low doses. Let them write a scrip that matches your previous one, 2.5 mg or 5, whatever. When you're done and successfully off for several months, you can present them with the information that you have tapered, and if they're open to hearing about it, how you tapered.

[Happy2Heal]

he he he, GMTA I guess (or FSD? fools seldom differ? LOL)

 

 

Also, you don't need to let them know you're currently taking very low doses. Let them write a scrip that matches your previous one, 2.5 mg or 5, whatever. When you're done and successfully off for several months, you can present them with the information that you have tapered, and if they're open to hearing about it, how you tapered.

 

 

that's exactly what I plan to do!

 

but I didn't think about going to a new dr, that might be hard because I have restrictions due to my insurance.

there is a chance that the dr I have now will agree to give me what she'll think is a few more months at 2.5mg (that's the dose I was at when I got the liquid)

well for now things are ok so I will cross this bridge later on, closer to the time when I need to.

 

thanks Scallywag!

 

 

[Frogie]

I'm soooo glad you are feeling better

Great that your up dose worked!

You can do somethings that you have wanted to do now , and maybe sleep some more. What a concept!

Now if I could get rid of my nausea, I would do a jig lol...

Take care of those little rats

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

thanks Frogie

 

oh my I had a majorly good day today. I felt almost normal for much of the day. I had some transient anxiety, big whoop LOL

I think those hours and hours and HOURS of practicing meditation and deep breathing and stuff have paid off!

things that threw me for a loop just days ago, like loud sudden noises, certain words, any kind of bad news, I may get a twinge of anxiety but I immediately go to my meditations and focus on the present and dayum! it works!!

 

I still expect that  I will wake up around 2 am and be awake for most of the rest of the night, as that has been the pattern for well over a month now (I believe, I'd have to read back and I"m NOT ready to do that right now lol)

but I can handle it. I can breathe thru it, I have my CDs and I even have a few new magazines a friend dropped off, that I can read if I feel up to it

 

I am taking it easy during the day, no heavy exercise, until I feel like I"ve had enough rest to handle it. I get a bit lightheaded when I do too much physically, I dont' know if that's from the rapid wt loss or what, but it's a signal from my body to take it easy. So I do

 

 

thanks again, for all your help and support dear friends. I know there are hard days ahead but I feel strong enough to handle them.

 

A thought popped into my mind today during yoga class, it went something like this: "everything you need, you  have within you"

and I think that's true. We have the strength inside ourselves, we just need to believe it, and be able to connect with it and draw on it when we need it.

 

that wasn't a yoga mantra, it just came to me but It seems like something I may have read somewhere, sometime

 

in any case, it gives me comfort.

I believe I have everything I need within myself.

that is one of my new mantras, to practice during the tough times

 

peace to you all,

[Happy2Heal]

Day 24 since reinstating, just a few days after updosing: things continue to improve

 

slept for 4 hrs straight thru for the first time in many months!!

 

not as many night sweats, that probably helps

 

some ringing in my ears at different times, and some vision trouble but that's about it

 

am able to tolerate being in the dark, can tolerate both silence and sounds that used to disturb me

can tolerate being alone more than I could before, but still prefer to be around ppl or in touch with them (I've always been this way, though)

 

looking forward to that night when I sleep for 5 hrs straight, that will be great. but 4hrs in a row is pretty darn decent!

[Frogie]

That is really awesome!

That's great that just up dosing a little has helped you so much!

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

In spite of having my best night in many many months- 4 straight hours sleep- I'm having a hard day. I now have just enough sleep in me to feel how bone weary my body is, and I just want to sleep- for 6 or 8 hrs, is that too much to ask?

[Happy2Heal]

oh how quickly we fall flat on our faces

 

or should I say, how quickly *I* did

 

I got the idea today that my brain wanted more lexapro so that It could sleep

 

I wrestled with it and ended up taking 0.05mgs more at 11 am and then out of desperation, 0.05 more at noon

 

I have it in my head that I am truly addicted to lexapro and that my brain now needs it to function. that I may be doomed to taking at least a small amnt of it "forever"

 

I just read the post about what is happening in your brain (just now)  and realize that my brain is doing exactly what it needs to do, to heal

I hope I didn't throw it too far off by those small additional doses.

 

that would give me a total dose for today (after I take the 0.2mgs tonight) of 0.15 am + 0.05 + 0.05 + 0.2= 0.45, right?

 

yesterday was a total of 0.35 mgs

 

I can't believe I am agonizing over these tiny amounts NOW, when a year ago I thought nothing of dropping down 20mgs.

 

I really wish Drs would get themselves EDUCATED about this so more ppl don't have to go thru this

I really wish Drs would be FAR more careful with the stuff they Rx

it's amazing to me that I could go to a dr today and get an Rx for 10, 20 or even 30mgs of lexapro but I am going to have to BEG  a dr to give me less than a mg.

 

tell me any of this makes sense?
 

I wish I had loved myself and my brain more not to have put these chemicals in my body so carelessly.

[Happy2Heal]

If you began at 30 mg a year ago June, as I read it, then at 10% every four weeks you should be at 4.5 mg now.

 

SG

yeh I'm not 100% sure that I was at 30 mgs in June 15,(I know that's in my signature but It was just a guess)

to be honest, I used to take less of it quite so that I would have a stock pile of it, because, believe it or not, someplace in my brain, I had a memory of CT'ing in the past, and how horrible that was, so while still thinking of the drug as something you can take willy nilly on the one hand,

part of my brain knew that going off it CT would be bad, It was bad, and so I always was taking less so that I had some extra saved up, in case I lost my insurance, or a Dr refused to Rx it ,etc

 

so I think I was actually taking 20mgs and dropped down from that. I tend to give the same version that I give the dr, (yup, taking 30mgs) to everyone to avoid confusion (mostly my own LOL I am easily confused on a good  non WD day LOL)

 

anyway, I need some hope today.

if I am doing the maths right, I started a taper, albeit a too fast one, in June 2015

I am now at er, 17 mos.

 

shouldn't I be coming into the home stretch soon???

 

OH I wish we had a window into our brains so we could see what is going on in there, see the brain rebuilding itself and getting better

 

that would make this a lot easier. I tend to understand what I see better than what I hear or learn thru other senses.

[Altostrata]

Yes, I wish doctors would take on this responsibility, too.

 

How do you feel with the slightly increased dose?

[Happy2Heal]

I feel like maybe I made a mistake taking those extra tiny bits today< I really don't know.

I keep forgetting this is not a linear process, so when I felt worse today after being up for a couple of hours, and was so exhausted, all I could think was, I gotta take more so I can sleep

I am probably just in a wave. Right?
and not even one that's all that bad, but I guess I got greedy after such a wonderful day yesterday

 

I am torn about going up to a full half MG or just staying where I am.

I understand these are small amnts and I probably should have gone up higher to begin with...

 

so much indecision

 

what do you think I should do?