grandmaD: turtle here

[grandmaD]

Gidday everyone.  I am an ex-Paxilprogresser and when it closed I was very sick of the long horrible process, so I didn't join everyone here back then, but I finally paddled over to the U.S. from Australia.  I have to keep reminding myself that the turtle got onto the ark by just keeping going, one step at a time!

 

I started to have some decent days because I found a herbal remedy that has brought my headaches and migraines from 20 a month to 2 over a 12 month period.  This means I can actually DO SOMETHING and is a wonderful relief.  On those good head days, I always wonder how my old friends are going, so I intend to look you all up!

 

I have decided to put up my history, a bit at a time, or it would be too laborious to read, so that's where I will start.

 

[grandmaD]

How do I cut from my word document and paste it here?

[ladybug]

Grandma!! It's Jess. Oh, I'm so glad to see you here. I often wondered how you were doing but since PP closed so suddenly I didn't have time to exchange emails with you. Glad to hear you are still paddling away. So am I.

[brassmonkey]

Hi GrandmaD-- It's so wonderful that you made it here, I've thought about you often.  I'm so glad you finally got the headaches under control, they were the worst.

 

Highlight the part you want and press control and c at the same time. Come to the thread here and go to the Reply to this topic box and click in it. Press control and v at the same time.

 

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

[LexAnger]

How do I cut from my word document and paste it here?

 

First to open your word doc, also open your intro page at SA.

If you use a mouse, highlight the paragraph by pointing to the beginning of it then holding down the left button of the mouse, moving while holding toward the end of the paragraph, with the text highlighted, press the right button and click 'copy', then point to the place where you want to copy to (at SA), press the right button of the mouse, click'paste'

[Rachelina]

I remember you from PP too, Grandma! It's great to see you here!

[ladybug]

I was so excited to "see" you, I missed the part about your headaches. Makes me soo happy to hear how much they have improved, I know they were one of your worst symptoms.

[AmyK]

Nice to see you again, Grandma!

[aberdeen]

I remember you too!! Welcome back! So happy to hear of some improvement. Im still tapering away, aiming to finish in June this year. Nice to see you again! 

[grandmaD]

Grandma!! It's Jess. Oh, I'm so glad to see you here. I often wondered how you were doing but since PP closed so suddenly I didn't have time to exchange emails with you. Glad to hear you are still paddling away. So am I.

Love you, girl!  At this point in time, the only thing we can all be glad about is that we are all still alive... and where there is life there is hope!

[grandmaD]

Hi GrandmaD-- It's so wonderful that you made it here, I've thought about you often.  I'm so glad you finally got the headaches under control, they were the worst.

 

Highlight the part you want and press control and c at the same time. Come to the thread here and go to the Reply to this topic box and click in it. Press control and v at the same time.

 

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

Hi Brass!  It's so good to talk to all you guys again!  I really thought you would be off by now, as you were scooting down pretty fast!  I will get around to reading your journal soon, hopefully.  But you are now down to .9!  Goodness me.  I was surprised to see you still had trouble getting off as you went lower and lower...aahhhgggg!!  I have realised I have to accept this fact also.  Thanks for the help/advice, will give it a go.

[grandmaD]

I remember you from PP too, Grandma! It's great to see you here!

Hi, am sorry I don't remember you - did you have a different name on PP?

It's unbelievable, people still plodding along at such low doses!! 

All the best

[grandmaD]

I was so excited to "see" you, I missed the part about your headaches. Makes me soo happy to hear how much they have improved, I know they were one of your worst symptoms.

Yes, they sure were up to 4 and 5 a week and 3 migraine bed days.  No life.  I am still amazed when I get up 3 days in a row and haven't had a headache yet!  It is weird and still not used to it! 

[grandmaD]

Nice to see you again, Grandma!

Hi Amy K!   Goodness me, I remember you - if you are the same Amy who was only on Paxil for 2 or 3weeks and tried to quit and could't?? Is that you?

Thanks for the lovely welcome everyone!

[grandmaD]

I remember you too!! Welcome back! So happy to hear of some improvement. Im still tapering away, aiming to finish in June this year. Nice to see you again! 

Hi Aberdeen, yep, remember you too!  So good to hear from you all, I feel good already!  How wonderful it is to have this sort of programme to help and support one another as no-one else can really understand what we go through.  We sure are a special breed of survivors.  You are wonderful to have stuck at it and now you have the "end in view" - the top of the mountain, that is fantastic!

[grandmaD]

History

1995 -  I was put on Aropax for back spasms, being told it was a new drug and very good for relieving pain.  I was not told it was an anti-depressant and not told I was depressed but was told that it was not addictive.  I believed it was a strong pain killer.

During this time I began experiencing many migraines and headaches, teeth grinding and dry eyes.   I went to about 6 different doctors and none of them suggested I come off Aropax or asked why I was on it and they all said headaches were not a side effect of it.

 

1996 - After a year or so I was much better and told the doctor at the pain clinic I was going off it, but he said to stay on it for life!  I was horrified, so he said stay on it at least for 5 years, so being the “good girl” I was, I did!  I always thought doctors knew best.

 

2001-2004 – After the 5 years were up, I went off the tablet and things got really bad and I went back on it.  I was advised to drop to ¾ then ½ and then ¼ every 2 weeks.  I did this and was still very bad and went back on the full dose each time.   I repeated the process again, and again and again and again!  I was still getting migraines and headaches, usually for 3 days in a row and it was quite normal to get 4 or 5 a week.

 

2004-2006  -  On full dose, 20mg daily.  Headaches and migraines improved to 1 or 2 a week.

 

More to come ...

[grandmaD]

2007 -  I tried again to go down to ¾, then ½ and then ¼ but again, the living hell returned and the doctor at this time kept telling me to go back on a full dose and stay on it and I would get very depressed on top of the physical symptoms, so I went back up again every time.  I repeated this scenario over and over and over.  This was a living hell with aching bones, muscles, extreme tiredness and lethargy, so much that I couldn’t walk to the front gate.  Muscle weakness and painful spasms were frightening and I was convinced I was dying.  I thought the spasms were returning that I had in 1993/4 as a result of cutting back the drug.  On the other hand, I thought that surely my muscles would have healed in all those years and so the spasms wouldn’t be related.  Nevertheless, I up-dosed to 20mg again and within 2 or 3 days would always feel much better.   During this time I felt like I was living in the back of a dark cave.  I isolated myself from everyone and wanted to die.

 

2008 -  Another new doctor and this time I said I wanted to get off the drug.  She took me off Aropax and put me on Endep, 25mg twice daily and I was a zombie.  It was great that it took away all the pain, but I felt like a robot, with no brain and no feeling.  I had to force myself to get out of bed at lunch time, and I did something dangerous, because I was brain dead.  She then put me on Lexapro and was nauseas, felt weird, like I was trapped in a body and couldn’t get out, so then she tried Esipram.  I then began experiencing severe leg and foot pain, the internal vibrations got a whole lot worse, I couldn’t breathe, cramps and of course the usual headaches and depression.   I could also hear a sound like a “heavenly choir” all the time that was annoying, like torture!  Looking back, these symptoms were not the new drugs as we supposed, but withdrawal from the Aropax.  I decided it was better the devil I knew than the devil I didn’t know so went back on full dose of Aropax and within weeks was feeling great again!  Then I found another new doctor.

[grandmaD]

2009 – Once again I tried to go to ¾ and then ½ and then ¼, all the time getting worse and worse and worse.  I tried skipping doses, but life was not any better, it was still a living hell and I would end up back on a full dose.   At this point, I think I finally realised it was the drug and I was now determined I must get off this poison.  I got to ½ a tablet and refused to go up again, but I was still in a bad place, not being able to walk anywhere.  I felt weak and fragile, like a 100 year old.  I had backaches, on top of all the head issues, hip pain, breathing difficulty, blood pressure went up and up each year to 140 and then I developed insomnia as well.  I felt trapped, but determined that because I felt like I was dead already, I would keep going to get off it, even if it killed me.

 

2010 – I found Paxilprogress and was advised to get some scales and do a super slow taper of 10% taper.   I did this over 6-8 weeks for 4 months when my blood pressure went to 150 and the tight chests and breathlessness increased and on three occasions I got chest pain adding to all the other symptoms.  I went to hospital and was monitored and told it was not my heart but “anxiety”.  I had never had this before in my life, and didn’t even know what it meant, really.  I felt so brain dead, how could I have anxiety?  I couldn’t think, read, hold a conversation, listen to anyone for more than about 5 minutes, make a decision and so on.  I thought anxiety meant you were hyped-up.

 

I up-dosed to 9mg and I was advised to try a 5% taper and to “stabilise,” but after 3 months, did not see any improvement and I got impatient and decided to drop.  Looking back at my progress, I can see now, that I probably needed to stabilise for at least a year or so, but I just wanted “off” asap!

 

All symptoms returned in full force, including migraines, headaches, cramps, spasms, backache, palpitations, breathlessness, weakness, nerve flashes and now a new symptom on days I didn’t have a headache I had a pressure head.  I began to have what I call “head banging” sensations which felt like someone was bashing me in the side of the head with a lump of wood and this might happen several times a day, most days and was very painful and frightening.

 

I had problems with my knees so I couldn’t bend over without pain which resolved itself. Then my left shoulder was crook for months and I couldn’t lift my arm to wash my hair.  It resolved itself and then I had problems with my right shoulder for months being painful and I couldn’t lie on it and it too, resolved itself.  Then I got the itchies on a regular basis and what felt like prickles/stinging nettles on my back.

[grandmaD]

2011  All the same symptoms as previously. 

 

5% taper every 6 or 8 or 13 weeks (I would have done a lot better I think, looking back if I had stuck to every 12 weeks and not kept changing things.)  During this time I discovered symptoms could flare up to beyond high (get even worse, which was very frightening).  On two occasions my head began to vibrate and spin and I thought I was going to pass out.  I discovered from the internet site that to not take your tablet at the exact same time each day, can cause severe symptoms.  Too miss a day was horrific.  Then began the anxiety of remembering to take it every day and at the same time.  Going anywhere at lunch time was a hassle, so I had to make sure I had my “spare” drugs in the car, in case I forgot to take them with me, which happened several times.  I had to make sure that each tablet weighed exactly the same, or that would cause severe repercussions also.

 

I was astonished when I took my script to the chemist to read on it:  “Issued under the poisons act 1947 …”   No joke!  So when I say I am taking my poison, it is true.  I dropped 2mg to 7mg after 12 months, pitifully slow, I thought, but at least I had not crashed or had to up-dose to 20mg as previously. 

[grandmaD]

2012 –The suffering was still horrendous, so the advice I received was to go even slower, so I did a 2.5% taper every 6 or 8 or 10 weeks with a couple of times holding for 12, 13 or 16 weeks.    My quality of life did not improve.  Headaches improved but migraines got worse.  Breathlessness practically went away but pressure heads got worse.  There was no change in body or head vibrations and I was perplexed as to why some things got better and others worse.  I did see an improvement in cramps and spasms and was less tired, heavy, weak and lethargic.  I had days I was not in my “batcave”.

 

I also saw a huge improvement in indigestion and nausea, which I had for 9 months day in and day out, living on porridge and soup.  During the past four years I had not done any sewing, quilting or patchwork.  I had no desire to paint or socialize.  I just kept my head above water with basic housework, going for a walk each day if I was able, doing some exercises and having a quiet time. 

 

I kept in touch by phone once a week with one good friend and visited another friend on a weekly basis for prayer.  This was all I could cope with.  When I began, half an hour was all I could cope with and this built up to one hour and then two hours.  I now had more energy and saw a big improvement in cramps and spasms.  I wasn’t feeling so tired, slow and heavy. 

 

By the third drop I could feel a huge difference in my brain, like I could see more clearly with my eyes.  Instead of being lethargic, and in my “batcave,”.  I discovered some of the things that I had been experiencing had fancy names that I can neither spell or remember.  Basically they were my “batcave” experience meaning de-personalisation and de-realisation.  This would explain my inability to relate to people.

 

I would get impatient and angry at not being able to do things.  My head was getting to be more alert, I felt more alive and more like I was normal.  I began to have the incentive to do things, but found that physically I couldn’t do them.  On the days I didn’t have a a migraine or headache and when the head pressure and the vibrations were mild, I would have the desire to do things, but the exertion would send those symptoms up to moderate or high.  Often times I would go for a walk with mild to moderate head pressure and the slight incline of our street would cause my head to throb.  One day I the breathlessness was so bad, my muscles ran out of ooph and the head throb was excruciating.  I wanted to collapse by the roadside and stay there, because I didn’t know how I could make it home, when our neighbour pulled up on the hill and asked if I wanted a lift!  This was like a huge miracle!

 

After 6 months the head vibrations became severe all day every day.  I went from 6.6 to 5.6 this year, a drop of 1mg.  This was most discouraging.

[grandmaD]

 

How do I cut from my word document and paste it here?

 

First to open your word doc, also open your intro page at SA.

If you use a mouse, highlight the paragraph by pointing to the beginning of it then holding down the left button of the mouse, moving while holding toward the end of the paragraph, with the text highlighted, press the right button and click 'copy', then point to the place where you want to copy to (at SA), press the right button of the mouse, click'paste'

 

Hi there!  I connected the dots and realised this is you from Ladybug's journal!  Nice to meet you!  I believe California has much the same sort of climate as Australia.  Is that your dog in the pic?  How do you get a picture in the box?  Do I have to do it or can someone else?  I should put a turtle in mine!

[LexAnger]

 

 

How do I cut from my word document and paste it here?

 

First to open your word doc, also open your intro page at SA.

If you use a mouse, highlight the paragraph by pointing to the beginning of it then holding down the left button of the mouse, moving while holding toward the end of the paragraph, with the text highlighted, press the right button and click 'copy', then point to the place where you want to copy to (at SA), press the right button of the mouse, click'paste'

Hi there!  I connected the dots and realised this is you from Ladybug's journal!  Nice to meet you!  I believe California has much the same sort of climate as Australia.  Is that your dog in the pic?  How do you get a picture in the box?  Do I have to do it or can someone else?  I should put a turtle in mine!

So nice to MEET you here Grandma!

Thanks million for your kindest help over ladybugs thread and posting your stories here with much details! I have been reading all of them, and you did an amazing job describing the most difficult describle weird symptoms and sensations! I know so well each of the symptoms you had even I always had difficulties to do it myself.

 

Well, I have been a huge dog lover for years but always feel lack of confidence to have one of my own due to this condition and my living alone situation. I got the picture of this very happy and cute dog online.

 

You can get any photo you'd like to use as your avatar. Simply go to your profile by clicking your username at the right corner of this page, and click again in the drill down list the one says 'my profile', there is a link for uploading a photo. I think there is a limit on the size of the photo file, try use a low resolution photo otherwise it won't be loaded.

 

I can't wait to hear that you are recovered after a long horiduous journey!

 

Big hugs!!

Lex

[grandmaD]

Nice to see you again too - it is probably better for me to talk to you here and not hi-jack Ladybug's thread.  Do you have your own journal page?

 

I  can relate about not having a dog.  I would love to have a cat, but going thru w/d requires all your strength just to look after yourself!  We had a lamb that had been abandoned and we bottle fed it for a while and even though hubby helped, it was too much and we gave him away.

 

Thanks for the help about the picture.  I don't have any pics of turtles I can upload, so I might use one of the lamb I just spoke about.

 

I have not recovered yet, but I am so much better with head issues.  If I didn't have a headache before, it would be a pressure head or a vibrations in the head and always at the same time were the sore heads and the banging in the side of the head.  That means I can think more clearly and use the computer.  I have discovered that the computer gives me head vibrations or if I already have them, it will make them worse.

 

How are you today and what symptoms do you have now?

 

You were not on a/d's for very long so you have a very good chance of getting off quicker.  I'd say the severe symptoms were the result of tapering too fast.  Are you still doing a 1% taper every 2 or 3 weeks?  How is that working for you?

[grandmaD]

2013 - Due to some symptoms worsening and not feeling as good as I had hoped, I decided to go back to a 5% taper.  I thought I might at least me bale to do some gardening, but the heat affected me and knocked me up.  My head was beginning to be more alert and at times I felt more alive but I also got impatient and angry at not being able to do anything.  Days my head issues were mild, I would attempt something, like a walk and my head would throb and the symptoms would go back up to high. 

 

Going back up to 5% was one big bad (stupid) move!  All symptoms sky-rocketed to high intensity and increased in frequency!  Many times when I have though things “couldn’t possibly get any worse,” they did!  So then I sat there for six months without dropping, hoping to stabilise.  At the end of 6 months I was no better, so I began to taper again.  During this time I developed constipation and went on a daily laxative and the indigestion returned.  I had nausea again for about 7 months.  I had a lot of pain with the indigestion, discomfit and a feeling of feeling “full” all the time and had to force myself to eat.

 

I also developed anxiety like never before accompanied by rapid heartbeat (high 90's and low 100's) and with that came worsening insomnia.

 

Another new doctor and tests were done for breathlessness and palpitations and chest pain which came back as Wenkebah Level 2 block.  I gather that means erratic/irregular heartbeat.  This new doctor, the first one to agree to me going off the drug, wants me to switch to Prozac.  Due to previous experiences with switching, I refused. 

 

All through w/d I have had lumps and bumps come and go on my scalp, one has remained and got bigger and another one seems to be staying there.  I went from 5.6 to 4.6mg a drop of 1mg again.  I began to despair that if I continue to drop just 1 mg a year it will take me another 4 years!  This was unconceivable, causing discouragement and despair.

[ladybug]

It is so discouraging isn't it? I don't even like to think about how long I've been tapering. It's insane. But it helps to have my fellow turtles trudging along with me. <3

 

I've been getting lumps and bumps on my scalp too. Also been experiencing the worst stretch of hair loss in a long time. Could it be WD? Hmm.

[LexAnger]

My thread is here

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6177-lexanger-tapering-or-no-tapering-generic-vs-name-brand-lexapro/

 

I really want to talk to you a lot more! More I read your story and learn about your symptoms, more I feel I have been and am still going through a journey almost exact the same. I'm so glad your head issues are gone or much better. So many of them and each is a killer by its own. I had a full day brutal needling pain today taking my breath away.

 

Talk more soon.

 

Ladybug, you have been so kind not screaming at me! I promise all my op future posts here will be about you! You are right, I don't care about how long it will takes and I am not even thinking about further tapering only I wish I can live today without that much pain and brain dead. Wishing you peace with this evil!

Hug,

Lex

[LexAnger]

Hi again Grandma

 

Inhave been holding for 4.5 months since the last hit getting down to 3.2. Like what happened to you in 2013, I also got severe heart problems, constipation, severe fatigue, weak brain etc then, so I stopped reducing dose. I had a amazing 7 day window round 3 month then back to another wave since New Year's Day. This round is characterized with the brain dead and severe pain (deep bone, needling on head/face and upper body, bakc, joint, back leg, arm, foot). Pain has been my always complains bi put this round it got more wide spread and severe.

 

Somehow, up dosing can do huge harms to lot people for reasons we don't know, and it can make things so much more complicated and confusing.

 

I hope all those are history for you now and you are on the way very close to full recovering! I will be here again for rest of your stories.

 

Love and hugs,

Lex

[ladybug]

Ladybug, you have been so kind not screaming at me! I promise all my op future posts here will be about you! You are right, I don't care about how long it will takes and I am not even thinking about further tapering only I wish I can live today without that much pain and brain dead. Wishing you peace with this evil!

Hug,

Lex

 

No worries! You two are welcome to "hijack" my thread any time you want.

[grandmaD]

It is so discouraging isn't it? I don't even like to think about how long I've been tapering. It's insane. But it helps to have my fellow turtles trudging along with me. <3

 

I've been getting lumps and bumps on my scalp too. Also been experiencing the worst stretch of hair loss in a long time. Could it be WD? Hmm.

I wondered if those lumps were from w/d - wouldn't surprise me because during the last 6 month hold, the big one went away!  

 

I lost heaps and heaps of hair too, but don't worry, it comes back.  I actually shaved all my hair off very short several times throughout w/d because I wanted all l my energy to go to healing and not in growing hear!  Besides, what turtle has long hair?!  This time, it has grown back very thick, especially on top.  I'm sure yours will too.

[LexAnger]

You made me laugh! In middle of my worst pain day.

Hilarious post!

Love

[grandmaD]

You made me laugh! In middle of my worst pain day.

Hilarious post!

Love

Well you made my day!  I recall when I was crap for so long - I didn't laugh for years - every now and then someone would say something to make me smile or chuckle! Blessings

[grandmaD]

2014 -  Back to a 2.5% taper. No choice – feet trapped.  Tests for indigestion revealed gall stones and I was put on a list for surgery to have gall bladder removed. 

 

First sign of positive change - About this time I found I could think, read and pray again (but not make decisions) so I began to taper every 3 weeks instead of 8 weeks.  Right away I got 3 headaches and a migraine the first week.  I stopped driving when I began tapering because I felt brain dead. 

 

Next positive change - I did a 500 piece jig-saw puzzle, a major accomplishment. 

 

Then I got haemorrhoids from constipation and it seemed like there was just no end to all of this.  Had to go on a daily laxative.

 

Symptoms continue to get worse but because I also felt impatient again, believing the tablet was poisoning my system, I struggled on, but went back to dropping every 8 weeks.  Symptoms went to sky-high once again and I had to stop tapering for 6 months once again. 

 

This time, however, with the hold I saw improvement with symptoms going back to moderate or mild, for indigestion, palpitations, nausea, rapid pulse, anxiety, head vibes, head banging sensation, head pressure, tired, slow, weak and heavy/lethargic, breathlessness and tight chest.  I had more headaches and more sore heads, however. 

 

Then I got insomnia – there is definitely no end to symptoms.  It takes 2 hours to get to sleep and I wake every 2 or 3 hours and when it gets to the 3am/4am point and I wake, I cannot get back to sleep. 

 

I keep hoping and praying I will be among those who improve when they get to 1/4 tablet, but so far, it has proven to be harder/worse the lower I go.  My plan is to remain at a 2.5% taper and taper every 8 weeks - trying to be sensible now (at last).  I hope I can get to 4mg by the end of the year - there I go again, I have to take my time, listen to my body as they keep telling me and NOT SET DEADLINES.  I'm such a slow learner...GRrrrrrr.

 

After 6 months I am still looking for improvement in more than half my symptoms.  My plan was to taper after all symptoms came back to mild or at least moderate.  I would really like to see symptoms back to where they were before the last drop, but they are worse.  My "plan" isn't working - but does it ever?  Why do I keep making plans??  No more plans!

 

This year I went from 4.6 to  to 4.1.  A drop of only .5 and words cannot describe the despair I felt over how long this was taking and how much longer it will take.

[LexAnger]

Wow, reading through lines of the story of your incredible journey, all I see and feel is an excellent example of a super strong soul and spirit! It makes me heartbroken seeing the amount of your suffering! I admire you Grandma!

 

I believe You will make it to the end of this long tunnel as you get what it takes, the most incredible strength and wisdom a human being can possibly possess.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story'! Let's hold each other's hands through all the ups and downs until we beat this evil and get our lives back!

 

Love and hugs!

Lex

[Songbird]

Good to see you here, GrandmaD!  I'm another turtle taperer, and also struggle with the length of time my taper is taking.  I started my latest taper towards the end of 2008, and it's now 2016, and I think I probably have at least another 3 years to go.  It seems ridiculous, but there's no other real choice.  Some years I reduced by a lot less than 1mg.  I have at times done some very long holds waiting to stabilise.  I've also been hoping that it will get easier as my dose gets lower, so that I can reduce a bit faster, but so far it hasn't happened.  All that's happened is that the mixture of symptoms has changed somewhat from time to time.  I just have to keep reminding myself that as long as my dose keeps going in the right direction - i.e. down - then eventually I will get down to zero - eventual success is more important than speed.

[Petunia]

Welcome to SA GrandmaD, I'm glad you finally found your way here. I also 'know' you from PP, I used to read threads there, but rarely posted, so you wouldn't know me. I've also wondered how you are doing now.

 

Thank you for documenting your history here, I'm sorry you've been through such a difficult time, trying to get off Aropax/Paxil. Its shocking how slowly some people need to taper in order to get off these poisons. I did a 2 month taper and put myself in protracted withdrawal and have been there ever since, but I think if I'd tapered properly I would have had to do it very slowly too.

 

This topic may be of interest to you:  The slowness of slow tapers - Surviving Antidepressants

 

It would be great if you would put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

Please, make yourself at home here and have a look around, we have a wonderful  Symptoms and self-care  section with lots of great ideas and information to make the tapering/withdrawal process slightly less painful.

 

Petunia.

[grandmaD]

2015 – After 6 months I began to get severe symptoms which got worse and worse each drop, so once again, I had to hold for another 6 months.  This time the things that improved were indigestion, nausea, tired, slow, heavy, weak/lethargic, head banging, head pressure, tight chests.  Breathlessness remained the same - …… while palpitations, rapid pulse, anxiety and sore heads got worse! The big lump on my scalp seems to have gone?

 

This year saw a big improvement in headaches after finding a natural remedy.  They went from 20 a month down to 2 a month but then went back up again, so that last month I had 7.  I am not worried because 7  a month is STILL GOOD compared to 5 a week.  Not only that, I had NO MIGRAINES for the first time in Jan. 2016.  The headaches I had were mild or moderate, meaning I could still function with the milder ones.

 

The biggest issue was the gall surgery I had in July.  I was told I would recover in 6-8 weeks and it has taken me a good 6 months to get over it.  It was absolutely horrendous and I did not cope at all.  I am not sure that it achieved much, but I did stop having constipation (and it's not supposed to affect that!).  I am not as "full" all the time and so I am able to eat more, but still cannot eat fat. 

 

It also seems my stomach/bowels area are always feeling tender with discomfit and doctor cannot explain. I also still have the tight feeling of discomfit around my middle and aches and pains below my right rib where the gall was and where I had aches and pains before surgery and sometimes I get that on the left side.  I still get the pain radiating around from the right rib to my back shoulder and spine.  The surgeon said ALL THESE THINGS WOULD GO AWAY with surgery!  AGGGGGGGHHHHH. 

 

The dietician put me on an IBS diet and that has helped a bit, but not entirely.  

 

Bcause I have lost 25kg and am now under the desired weight for my height, she wants me to start eating fats/oils again, which is easier said than done, so I have started having 1 tsp. butter once a week and trying to increase that.

 

This year is not over for my taper yet, but so far I have come down .25g.