grandmaD: turtle here

[LexAnger]

Praise the lord, dear grandma! I'm so so happy for the great progress for you! My goodness, such a long wait! It's coming, the time for speedy and more healing is on the way!

 

Your extraordinary strength and patience has been my inspiration on my journey! And your kindest company and support keeps me going!

 

Hugs,

Lex

[grandmaD]

Thanks so much LA, you are a real sweetheart!  Oh, how sad that it has to pass - I had 3 days that were pretty good head days and it is funny the way you think.  I saw a train - and wanted to go for a train ride!  yesterday the head pressure returned to mild and today is worse, moderate.  It really is crap what this poison does! 

 

I am wondering if the magnesium sips I was having did help the anxiety issues because I did sleep better and didn't wake up so alert each time I woke, but last night back to the usual revved up inner vibrations, the panic/fear sensation at bedtime when trying to fall asleep, constant waking up, the painful aching legs, and the banging heart in the bed.  It is so frustrating and annoying.  I try and do the relaxation and breathing exercises over and over but there are times they just don't work.  In fact, even when I rolled over I could still feel my heart pounding through my body. 

 

I am glad that I got to sort through the cupboards and drawers during those 3 days and also did (with hubby's help) the yearly dusting!   I guess I this turtle just have to pull my head in again for a while.

 

I am sorry for you too, LA going through what you are going through, it is so difficult to make any sense of it or understand why.  I'm glad you are able to persevere as quickly as you are.

[LexAnger]

Yes, the bad days sucks, making your spirit all gone in just a few hours or shorter transitioning from the good days. But more of these cycles ( which is unfortunately what we have to go through one by one) we pass, closer we will be to the milder and shorter waves and to the final open calm shore! I'm still having those bad days, but they are already less frequent. For example, I have a bad needling pain day today which I haven't had for a quite while, it used to be constantly everyday for years!! So I feel rather grateful and relaxed enduring it believing it will be gone tomorrow.

 

I totally know what you mean about the perception when we are in the two phases. I can be rather aggressive and ambitious about future when in a window, and then totally hopeless preparing for disability and wrapping up for life when in a wave. My online purchase manner is a good indicator if I'm in a good day/ hour -- tend to click for new stuff, clothing, furniture etc. when feeling ok, then the next day want to donate everything I have.

 

I am more mindful now for the symptoms that ramp up day or hour, thinking they are just part of process I have to go through with faith that they will be weaker and weaker until completely die off, which is happening already!

 

So hang in, the good days will come back again, and more will with dose lowers,

 

Hugs

[Cherry47]

I like your description of the two phases as I can relate to them really well. Good to see someone else doing the online shopping - it makes you feel so positive at the time!!!

[grandmaD]

Yesterday was a shocker, I am beginning to see things more clearly now as in the past I always had many, many symptoms at one time, every day, all day, for years.  The head pressure yesterday ended up bad, and I never cope that well when I have head issues.  However, I am seeing this sort of thing change from day to day, for instance today it is much better.  I can now also look back and see when I had bad head pressure every day, I was in a sort of zombie land, with numb head and while I hated it and resented it, because I felt helpless and lost and hopeless, I think it was a protective thing in a way, making me feel half dead!

 

Yesterday I also had a bad attack of "anger" if I can put it that way!  I had a fight with the stupid microwave, because the glass tray just would not go back in!  I was able to stop myself before I broke anything!  I hope this is just part of w/d and I am not going to experience this sort of thing more and more???  What have others experienced with this sort of thing?

 

Because my pulse is always in the low 100's I feel stressed out and can feel the palpitations resonate in my body which is annoying and frustrating.  I think the magnesium is out of my system so I am back to my "abnormal normal" if you like.  That also means waking up with strong palpitations at 2am and awake for 3 hours but did manage to go back to bed and get another 2 hours sleep, but still tired.

 

I am still trying ways to help the rapid pulse and palpitations.  The ice water didn't help.  I am trying my lemon balm again, but I know it upsets my guts too, but i am going to try and dilute it in milk and yoghurt, and perhaps that will help.  I just wish I could sleep better at night and if I could, that would also help a lot of other symptoms. 

 

I have ordered some magnesium chloride on-line and saw on u-tube how to make my own magnesium oil that I can spray on my legs which are still painful at night and that stops me sleeping as well.  Someone said the mag. chloride in the bath was better than Epsom Salts.

 

How are you guys all going with sleep, rapid pulse and palpitations???

[grandmaD]

I have  had more success with my guts with the lemon balm taking it with milk and yoghurt.  The first day saw no change in anxiety, but the 2nd day I do think I felt calmer during the day and that night and insomnia was for only 1 hour with less palpitations and in the afternoon saw my pulse come from low to mid hundreds to high 90's.  Today is 101 which is still small improvement as it was usually at least 103 and up to 115.  It didn't help last night and it was 4+ hours and couldn't fall asleep, so finally got up and had a cuppa and toast.  So, there you go, one night I thought it helped and the next night I was worse!  I am beginning to think, forget about all these things and just put up with it and wait for the body to heal! 

[AliG]

Grandma . I'm sorry the ice water didn't help. I guess it's just for emergencies. I never tried it for normal palpitations either but the magnesium might help or even the deep breathing.

 

Have you tried that yet ?

[grandmaD]

I found that nothing really helped.  It was if the pulse was set in the 100's and stuck there!  I tried magnesium sips, epsom bath, deep breathing, the ice water, lemon balm tea... then we went away for a few days and it came back to the 90's!  Just a change of scenery maybe  or it was just gonna happen or else a build up of all those things over time helped... too many variables... I give up!  Anyway, the high anxiety and palpitations have calmed down also to mild which is much easier to cope with.

 

The big issue I had while away on day 2 was an excruciating muscle spasm in my lower back (I used to get them all the time both before and during w/d).  I had to use painkillers and sleeping tabs to knock myself out and then I was a zombie - acutally, now I think of it - that is when the palpitations and high anxiety and pulse calmed down, after that - I reckon the sleeping pills did it.  Maybe I needed something like that to knock the pulse down.  I only took them 3 days and off them now, so hope it all stays down. 

 

I was still in pain after the 3 days and so we cut our trip short and came all the way back home in one day.  Sitting is still painful, but mostly just aching now and the other muscles sore - it seems to have a domino affect so that other muscles go into cramping mode.  I am very, very  tired, weak and slow as a result.  Hope to feel better in a few days time.

[LexAnger]

That's what I found out too, that nothing helps! Only the damn drug taking complete control! Ppl keeps telling me to do this, taut, and I keeps telling them, the drug takes total control and nothing helps.

 

Guess we have to live with the ugly truth, and ride out whatever it offeres until we are off completely.

 

Sending you a big warm hug,

Lex

[grandmaD]

aaaghhhj! I just spend ages trying to find my journal because I deleted it from my email and finally the brain kicked in and told me I had it bookmarked!  This happened before, so i wish I could remember each time, or else just leave an email there!  Anyway, I just posted on Petunia's and O2Bhappy's journals and thought I'd copy it here on mine:

 

 I am beginning to see some positive changes in myself as a result of the suffering.  For one, thing, I used to feel self-conscious at social events if no-one talked to me but thru w/d I WOULD HOPE THAT NO-ONE TALKED TO ME and be glad when they didn't!  I used to talk A LOT,  but through withdrawal, not at all.  That is starting to change again recently, but I think it is a good thing now I am aware of how much I talk and learned to listen more!  I am sure there are other things, but I only noticed this particular one from attending a wedding the other day.

 

On that topic, I am pleased to say that compared to previous weddings I have been to, I was HEAPS BETTER. 

For one thing, I did not DREAD GOING.  I didn't look forward to it either, but I didn't have that whole sense of doom, gloom and anxious forebodings about it!

Secondly, the lady next to me spoke to me and I was actually able to respond intelligently and carry out a conversation with her!  I found it quite incredible that people obviously do this all the time!  I got sick of talking after about 15mins though, and then she decided to talk to my hubby when she discovered they both were born/grew up at the same tiny little town in the countryside (a place so small now-one ever heard of it) so I was glad!

thirdly what helped was that we had a motel room at the function place, so although I didn't cope with sitting through all the ceremony, I stood for a bit and as soon as it was over was able to go back to the motel, have a cuppa and lie down for an hour and then return in time for the reception meal.

Fourth, I thought I was in paxil helll when they started up the music - well, you couldn't possibly call it music - it was BAD NOISE, smoke and LOUD and I was most pleased to be able to make an exit back to the motel room and leave hubby behind!

[grandmaD]

This is my post from Petunia's journal:

"It is absolutely crazy the way things work.  It is so easy to have a "good" day and think you have "arrived" or in your case, good days, weeks (months?  Not sure about the length!) but anyway, same idea and then bingo, you feel crap again and think you will "never arrive"!  It can change so much, even in one day as you say!

 

Like you, I am beginning to see little positive things about life, well, probably a REALLY BIG ONE, actually, especially after gong to a wedding a few days ago - about how we waste our whole life practically on things that are not important.  Life has become so simple during w/d which I initially resented with a vengeance!  I have now come to appreciate the slowness, the peace and tranquility, not having to talk all the time! and being able to just sit on the verandah and enjoy a cuppa and DO NOTHING!  I can see people do so much crap and talk a lot of crap!  I am now more aware of what I talk about when I do.  I am now wondering WHAT I will do with my life when I am recovered!

[grandmaD]

HI Lex, yes, we had no idea did we how much this poison affected us and even worse when we decided to quit!  Absolutely disgusting.  You're right, there is nothing that can help, though I continue to take painkillers at times and sleeping tabs. but I think if you can try not to, you are better off, they can make it worse with a rebound sort of effect.  It comes back to the time it takes to heal our brain and unfortunately for many of us we were left on this drug for far too long and shouldn't have been.  Plus now we are so much older and that doesn't help either.  My prayer is the the Lord will restore those years the locusts have eaten and we can enjoy the years we have left.  At least we will all use them much more wisely I believe than we might have otherwise.  I still would like to travel in our van and see more of Australia and ever since 2012 my dad left me money to go to New Zealand. 

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

I wanted to check on you.  I have been thinking about you. 

[grandmaD]

Thank you so much O2Bhappy - you might be going through hell at the moment, but you have proven to be a very caring person!

 

At last I am up to doing an update.  I have been struggling with my suicidal son (having lost his wife, step-son, home and dogs) for months now with his situation deteriorating to being jailed for breaking the avo, then lost his job, as a result cannot pay the rent let alone food. Now he has lost his licence and car having just found out he has a heart condition and needs a pacemaker!  At present he has to report to police every day which is miles away and gets bad heads and chest pain.  It all seems so endless and so pathetic, a big nightmare.  He goes to court next month and could end up back in jail or with a $5,000 fine and at best a good behavior bond.

 

At least all this happened towards the end of my last hold, so had I not been holding I would have been in a mental asylum myself.  As it was, I was in a better place with some symptoms, but it was the anxiety that sent others sky high, like palpitations, pulse in the 100’s and still is and insomnia for 4-5 hours a night.

[LexAnger]

Oh good lord, how are all these possibly happening together! So unfair, don't know how to think of all the misery life offers to some, including all of us here.

 

I feel terribly sorry about your son, poor thing how could he handle all these! You bothe are in my prayer!

 

Happy to know you are a bit stable in terms of tapering. Hope the storm calms down quickly for all of you!

 

Big hugs,

Lex

[brassmonkey]

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

I am so glad that you replied because I was getting worried about you.  I have been thinking about you and praying for you. 

 

I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with so much right now.  I can certainly understand while your anxiety levels are elevated.  You have been under a tremendous about of stress and we all know what stress does to our bodies.  Remember to "try" and take good care of yourself.  I am glad you were at the end of a long hold and that your symptoms were manageable. 

 

I am hoping that things get better with your son.  I had been hoping that situation had improved for you. 

 

I hope that you will be able to get some much need rest. 

 

I am here for you. 

 

As you tell me...Turtle On :-)

[grandmaD]

Thank you precious ones for your words of comfort and the hugs.  I certainly don't need all this, but I can be grateful that I haven't had to deal with it before this.  I tried to distance myself which doesn't seem to work and use other tactics.  At one point he told me not to contact him again, so I didn't!  I found this to be an interesting situation because like I said, the head symptoms had all improved to tolerable levels so i coped on that level.  Also I noticed with that, days that my head was clear, almost like normal.  In fact, I hadn't realised how "ABNORMAL" it had been until I had that sensation and also experienced something else that I worked out in the end was "pleasure" or something - just seeing the morning in a different way, the garden looked different, sky and stars different, so I think pleasure or even "appreciation" is the word for it!

 

Having said that, it was a surprise to me that anxiety symptoms such as breathlessness, insomnia and palpitations had gone sky high and not come down and I wondered if it was dealing with my son.  During jthe time I didn't speak to him, they became to come down, not a lot, but rapid pulse from mid 100's back to mid 90's.  Still high, but I will accept any improvement these days!  The insomnia was more like 3-4 hours 3 days a week instead of 4-5 hours 4-5 days. 

 

However, like the other strategies, this one failed too because it was his ex-wife that told me he was in jail.  I don't know if I mentioned that he tried to overdose a second time not long ago and I contacted the doctor at the hospital who told me they were taking him off the seroquel.  I looked it up and discovered it's side effects are suicide.  Isn't that just great? I wondered what might happen if they CT him off it.  Soon found out!

 

I then got a call from a shop manager because my son had collapsed outside the chemist where he was getting a script for valium filled out!  The guy got my son's phone and went through it and found "mum" and rang me, so I was back in contact again with my son after that!  Before anyone asks if I told him about the drugs, yes, I tried and he doesn't want to know about it!  

 

As a result, the anxiety symptoms are high again.  I am trying my best to look after myself as you suggested, but have to admit I did resort to the sleeping tablets again for 3 nights with 7 days in between.  It says to take 2 or 3 but I can get away with 1/2 which helps me relax enough to get back to sleep each time I wake.

Have to take 1 day at a time, because the next thing on the cards is eviction, since he does not have enough money to pay the rent, let alone food, etc. 

 

I will try and catch up with you guys soon.  Take care, and hugs and much love to you all.  I am glad you are all still turtling along and nice to hear from you too, Tom!

[grandmaD]

For the hold

Good

A big improvement in energy levels with no fatigue.  An average of 2-4 good days a week.  Most noticeable was a change in my head with things being more clear, more “space” around me somehow (hard to describe) and appreciation of things and a sense of pleasure that I had not realized I was missing! 

 

Bad

Insomnia remained much the same with 3-4 nights a week for 3-4 hours.

H/a were slightly worse

Head vibrations were slightly worse

Head pressure slightly worse, consistent with 2014 hold

Head banging sensation got a lot worse, consistent with the 2014 hold

Indigestion got a lot worse

Vibrations got worse going to high at times, strong and hard at times

 

Ugly

Anxiety related symptoms got worse, such as palpitations, rapid pulse (in the 100’s every day, all day), breathlessness, tight chest and sore heads much worse.  (But these could very well be related to personal stress factors outside w/d)

[ChessieCat]

Most noticeable was a change in my head with things being more clear, more “space” around me somehow (hard to describe) and "appreciation of things and a sense of pleasure that I had not realized I was missing!"

 

It's funny that you make the comment that it is hard describe.  I imagine that it is only other people who have experienced it can understand what you mean.  I certainly know what you mean when you say that you hadn't realised that your sense of pleasure had been missing.  I had the same thing happen with appreciation and pleasure of the small things and also laughing.  It most certainly feels good!

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

I would say that an increase in your symptoms would be caused by the stress of dealing with your son.  Before this happened it sounds like you were becoming more relaxed and having less stress.  Then you get the call that he is in jail and there goes your stress level.  I have noticed an improvement in my symptoms when my stress level is reduced. 

 

I am happy to hear that you have seen an improvement in your energy level.  That is wonderful news.  I am glad to hear that your head is more clear.  Also that you are appreciating things and have a sense of pleasure.  That is wonderful.  I am very happy for you. 

 

I will continue to pray that your bad and ugly hold symptoms improve.  I am just so happy for you that you are experiencing a sense of pleasure.

[grandmaD]

Chessie and O2B, yes it was very weird, but very nice to notice the difference in the days.  Despite the drop, I still have retained this aspect most days.  Some days have got worse and some bad days again since the drop with yesterday a write off, just such a zombie, feeling awful, but I am now realising I was like that for pretty much most of the time for many years, but how quickly you can forget.   Yes, Chessie, I would never have thought you could "lose" that sense of appreciation or pleasure and no, I doubt anyone could understand it unless they experienced it.  I often want to ask people "do you wake up each day and feel glad you are here?" and "do you enjoy each day?"  but I think I am afraid they will say yes and that will make me feel worse!

 

Since the last drop I went okay for a good while but then got hit with a 3 day migraine, something I’ve not had for a long time now.  That was followed by 2 days of bad head pressure, which had been fairly mild during the hold.

 

What got noticeably worse was the prickles came back along with itchies, increased tingling and vibrations much worse.  Tiredness and slow/heavy came back again, but not as bad as fatigue.  Also the drop saw backaches, hip ache, knee aches though not as bad as they used to be.  An average of 1 good day a week after the drop.  Just recently the tight chest and breathlessness have both increased again.  Just proves, it is all w/d I guess. 

[grandmaD]

More recently, I have been struggling with very dizzy spells.  I have had dizzy on and off in the past, but quite mild or moderate, but not to the point where I think I might faint and this happened about half a dozen times.  At first I put it down to the heat, but one day it happened inside, sitting down having afternoon tea with a friend.  I decided it must be anxiety, as my anxiety goes up just having to talk, and that is why I don't talk much anymore, but that is harder when it is just a friend and myself. 

 

Another friend said it could be blood pressure so I started taking that and it was definitely lower and quite erratic, for example 3 readings throughout the day: 97/68 and pulse 106 (my pulse has been in the 100's for a long while now - months); then 98/72.  Next day was 100/77 (more like my normal) and then 96/76; another day 113/97 and then 86/62 and then 97/81 and then 101/72.  I used to have a friend donkeys years ago who had low blood pressure and I recall she said it would go high and then low and cause her to be dizzy.

 

I will keep an eye on it a few more days and if there is no change I intend to go the chemist and have it taken there each week.   I think their apparatus is more accurate than mine.  In the meantime, anyone else experience this sort of thing with blood pressure, high pulse and palpitations?

[brassmonkey]

There were a number of times during my taper when my BP would drop low like that. (96/58) I could always tell it was happening because I would get dizzy. Had to really pay attention standing up or leaning over. After a few days the BP would return to a more normal range (114/74) and I'd be fine again.  Never was able to link it to anything.

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

Sorry to hear that you are feeling like a zombie, that is not a good feeling.  It is wonderful when you have some good days, but then to start feeling bad is awful and unfair. 

 

I have wonder the same thing if people wake up happy and are glad to start a new day.  I once asked my mom if she is happy everyday and she said no.  My sister once told me that she would wake up in the morning and be like crap it's morning and I have to do this all over again.  I would say some people are probably very happy about starting a new day and feeling great, others not so much. 

 

I am sorry that you had a migraine for 3 days.  Do you think something other then dropping your dosage caused the migraine?  How is your head pressure now?

 

When do you drop your dosage again?  I am sorry that your struggle with each drop. 

[grandmaD]

Thanks for that Brass, it is reasssuring that others have experienced a similar thing.  I am still dizzy and BP is now up and down with pulse still in the 100's.  I experienced the dizzy/faint thing again yesterday plus had a pressure head and was crap.  We went for an hour trip to a nearby town and I felt like a headache coming on.  I kept telling myself to take some panadol at morning tea and then lunch but kept forgetting.  What happened was quite unusual for me, in that I never did take anything, but I lie in the car for a half hour rest while hubby shopped.  After that I got up and felt a bit better.  I went into a shop for half an hour browsing and coped quite well and I never got the headache, it went away!  The odd thing was my pulse was 115 when I resting in the car.  When I felt better after browsing, I wondered what it might be and it had gone back to 85!  It's all JUST PLAIN CRAZY!  I was very happy though to see I could improve within a one day period!!!

[grandmaD]

A friend reckons the migraine was from organizing and packing to go into the big smoke to house and dog sit.  I coped quite well with all that, and travelled fine, getting the bad head that night.  She said that quite often we cope with the "pressure" of what we have to do and then when we relax, it hits us with headaches, and so on.  She could have a point there, but it could also have been the drop catching or just both.  WHO KNOWS!

 

Thanks for asking about the head pressure today.  I already posted yesterday I had it bad for the morning and it went away.  Today it is okay, my head isn't great, but it is manageable.  What has come back again that I have is the breathlessness/tight chest thing and the vibrations are moderate to high, along with mild to moderate dizzyness.  What makes me so miserable is that I always have one thing or another.  Something will improve and something else gets worse or comes back!  I get so fed up and then have to try and watch my attitude!

[grandmaD]

I am due to drop in 2 weeks, but will wait and see, as this past week also crap with another 3 days of pressure heads culminating in a headache.  I still remember I had 3 good days in a row and kept thinking it will happen again, but I now recall that was at the end of the last hold.  I had 1 day I guess I could call sort of good this week.  I continue to struggle with the anxiety and whether the rapid pulse affects that or vice versa, they are affecting me, so I have been doing jig saw puzzles again as a diversion and to try and relax. 

 

I did another magnesium oxide bath last night after waiting a week.  Last week the anxiety went sky high in the bath, but I think it was because the water was too hot and I was really bad all night and had insomnia for 4 hours.  This time I made it just warm, and I did sleep better.  I still woke 4 or 5 times after 2 hours, but got back to sleep until 4am, which is always the time it is difficult to get back to sleep. 

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

---What makes me so miserable is that I always have one thing or another.  Something will improve and something else gets worse or comes back!  I get so fed up and then have to try and watch my attitude!---

 

I am sorry that you have to deal with this everyday, it isn't a good way to live.  I feel the same way.  I just want to wake up and enjoy life and not be so focused or worried about how I feel.  I have days when I think I will never heal and get better and that being on Prozac caused damage to my brain and body. 

 

I am sorry you are dealing with anxiety. I have been dealing with that the whole time in w/d.  I am glad that you found something you enjoy doing as a distraction.  I have a hard time distracting myself when I am feeling bad. 

[grandmaD]

I woke up today feeling so much different, that I thought it warranted copying a post from another thread which tells about what I have been doing.  The post is about breathlessness but someone mentioned about thrush, so here is my post from that thread:

 

"A few days ago I decided to get a mirror and torch and check out my mouth and saw the insides of my mouth on both sides are white.  The roof of my mouth is a yucky yellow!  And there were patches of bright red and little lumps/bumps (like infection type things.)  I considered going back to the doctor or seeing a different one.

 

In the meantime, I remembered how I used to deal with the blocked nose and phlegm issue by sniffing up salted water and eating raw garlic.  Just the garlic alone saw phlegm change from yellow to white within 3 days.  I got the idea of using both again, this time for my mouth, gargling salted water 3 times a day.

 

You never know if these things help or you would have just improved anyway, but my head is already much better/clearer.  BUT not only that, my pulse has gone from the 100's back to the 90's, the palpitations have improved and the breathlessness and tight chest are much better! 

 

I forgot to mention on that other post, that I have more energy today, not so lethargic, heavy and weak.

 

I intend to keep up the treatment for a week and then check my mouth and see how it looks.  I will report on symptoms also.

[grandmaD]

I'm doing a quick update as I will have to take another break as we have to take another trip away to help out my son who is still having problems, the latest one is no way of getting to Sydney for a pacemaker operation and nowhere to stay and no money ...  Some of the issues I'm dealing with myself (apart from added stress and anxiety with him) are:

 

I have a new symptom just recently, not so much continual burning, but sharp shooting burning pain from elbow down inside of my arm to my thumb which is so painful I cry out aloud, something I don't normally do!  I have had similar thing with my feet, on the insides that goes to my big toes and it comes and goes.  I think it is nerve pain, so I am so careful about watching what I do with my feet, as I found that bending, stretching, etc causes the sudden excruciating pain  to happen.  It's the same with my arm it is when I stretch it out that it happens.

 

I feel like I have the nerve thing all over, similar to the vibrations but not as strong as hard, more like exagerated tingling.  Also my head's normal buzzing goes extreme, like I have a head full of bees swarming around, also very distressing.

 

I don't know whether to post on the symptoms thread about these issues that I suspect are very sensitive nerve related issues and what can be done to help.  I've tried epsom baths but am beginning to think they are causing it and also causing another thing I've had happen again, and that is cramps and spasms. I am having chamomile tea, but that hasn't stopped these symptoms.

 

I have have just been hit again with a severe back spasm.  I am not sure if it is just a spasm or I keep pulling the same muscle.  The last severe one was in January this year and took 3-5 days to get over.  I have been walking around today for 10mins a time and just got off the couch to sit here to do something different.  I just hope I am up to travelling tomorrow.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you all, even if I don't post, but I hope to check in now and then while we are away and keep up with you guys if I can.

[grandmaD]

I forgot to mention I have just done a drop, now I am doing .05 drops in keeping with the 2.5% taper. 

 

It is interesting to note that with every drop I still get these little red itchy pin prick dots, the gluggy ears, and sinus.  These are nothing compared to the other things, but it is amazing that they still hang around after all this time.  I'll never now if they are w/d or not until its all over.

[LexAnger]

So sorry GrandmaD for the harsh situation you have been dealing with from multiple source! God have mercy to all of us. The shooting pain, strange and tourturing head sensation are all so familiar and I'm with you even they may be in different form or body parts. Crazy thing hard to think these are even possible in a true hell others can imagine.

 

Longer we go along this journey, more amazed how much human endurance limit can be. I would never know I can bear so much, but knowing I'm not alone gives me more strength to hang on.

 

Praying for all of us now.

[scallywag]

Scallywag, when you do a switch from paxil to prozac, do you still get withdrawal from the paxil? My Dr. has wanted me to do this switch for a long time now and asked me again just last week about dong it.

 

Purehope, do you feel better on the prozac? How has it helped and what is worse? It is interesting you can sleep better - that is one thing I could do with!

Yes you *can* still go through withdrawal from paxil during and after the switch to Prozac.

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

I wanted to let you know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!!!

[grandmaD]

I have been in a desperate place, so horrendous and wanting to end it all.  It was absolutely overwhelming and I don’t know how long or how much longer I can put up with this. Is this withdrawal or my old back injury flaring up?  Or is it osteo as my last scan in January 2017 showed I was in the high risk factor category.

 

Since the last hold and subsequent drop, I began to see improvements in palpitations, breathlessness, tight chest, head banging, indigestion, headaches and sore heads and that has been encouraging.

 

But I also experienced those excruciating back spasms that send me to bed and/or the couch for days, up to a week.  I think that is what set me off into the doldrums as many  of the symptoms ramped up again, along with several bad headaches and that dreadful feeling of not being real or here, unable to think, brain dead, etc really got to me. 

 

It has taken me almost 2 weeks to get over the last spasm, and I am only now able to sit for a bit.  I am still getting “grabs” that aren’t excruciating, but still frightening in that I am scared it will be very painful.  I am also still experiencing shooting pains up my spine and muscles feel weak, sore and achey. My hips feel like if I turn the wrong way or too fast they might "break" or snap or something and this is scarey.

 

The other thing I have not experienced before was an intermittent throbbing pain from the area of my lower spine where I felt the spasms were coming from.  This kept me awake all night that night.  it was very similar to the "head banging" sensation I get in my right head, except it might only happen a few times, not all night long.