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SkyBlue: Paxil taper

paroxetine Paxil akathisia

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#181 SkyBlue

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Posted 19 February 2017 - 04:54 PM

Awww, thanks Brass and Karen! ! ! ! :) 


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#182 SkyBlue

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 09:36 AM

Pasting something I wrote in Shep's thread, for reference:

 

I love meditation. I've been doing it for quite some time, long before tapering and withdrawal. I do a very simple meditation I learned in the book 8 Minute Meditation. Very simple: you just set a timer for 8 minutes and shut your eyes. There's no special cushion, no doing it right or wrong, just doing it. Some days will be clearer than others. 

 

One thing meditation has taught me is about resistance. As much as I love meditating, I resist it every, every time. Not just sometimes but every single time (!!!). I don't have enough time, I'll do it later, etc etc etc. It must be some kind of mindfulness exercise in itself, because now, every time I feel the resistance I don't try to figure it out, I don't try to convince myself; I just do it anyway and of course feel great after. 

 

I do find that in my worst withdrawal moments I don't meditate because my "withdrawal mind" is unbearable at those moments, but I've been mediating so long that I don't worry about getting back to it--I know I will.

 

I also like finding guided meditations on You Tube. 


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#183 kateincali

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 12:24 PM

Sky -

hoping on late to your story (as I am a newcomer to this site) but we have a ton of similarities (mainly being on Paxil, but also tapering too fast) so I had some questions for you...

 

1) at what point did you stop your original fast taper? What were the symptoms? Did you ever updose again, or just hold? 

2) Are you still on the Zoloft? 


2002-2003 25mg CR Paxil due to PTSD and severe anxiety. 
2005-2016 25mg CR Paxil due to resurgence of panic attacks and severe anxiety.

Started tapering late summer 2016.

Aug 2016 - 25mg CR immediate cut to 12.5mg CR, then held 4-5 months 

Jan 2017 - 12.5mg CR to 12.5mg (non CR), then after a week

Jan/Feb 2017 - 12.5mg (non CR) taper down 2.5mg/week (1.25mg every 3-4 days), and felt no symptoms at all until debilitating withdrawal effects at 1.25mg, so immediately went back up to last stable dose of 2.5mg.

Held at 2.5mg. Experienced mild/moderate anxiety waves, brain zaps, lightheadedness, feeling less sharp, cortisol spikes and lots of anxious energy.

Tried Omega 3s for two days and experienced debilitating anxiety and depression (+urgent care visit), so off that since Feb 19th. 

Mar 12 2017 - Switched to half liquid/half pill, had a minor spike in anxiety but it faded over a couple days

Mar 19 2017 - Switched to full liquid - 2.5mg/1.25ml - experienced a spike 7-8 days in, but stabilized over next week.

Currently at 1.25ml liquid (2.5mg), using essential oil blends mixed in with carrier oil, and praying a lot. Also daily meditation (headspace app), CB therapy, exercise and positive self talk. 

 


#184 SkyBlue

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 03:32 PM

Hi Kate, 

Thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. However I do believe there is hope, especially if we are willing to be patient.

 

It does sound like our stories are very similar. 

 

I started the fast-taper (I didn't know that's what it was) in summer of 2015. I went from 20 to 10 to 5. I paused that to try to regain some stability. I then continued "tapering" from 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 to 1.6 in winter of 2015. I also went up on Zoloft in there (and am still on it) because I didn't know that the awful way I felt was withdrawal -- I was made to understand that it was my "original condition" (aaaaaaiiii!!!!!!). In February 2016 I found this site. I realized that I had been "tapering" way too fast. In the last year, I've done what we call the Brassmonkey slide, named after our group member Brassmonkey, who came up with it. It involves tapering at about 2% at a time (everyone will be different). 

 

My worst symptoms have been feeling suicidal (was never suicidal before or on Paxil); extreme rage bordering on violence; depersonalization/feeling like I was in a dream; not being able to think; nausea. 

 

I did not ever updose; I have done a LOT of holds, even when everything in me is screaming to just get off the stuff already. For me, one of the biggest (self-imposed) stressors is the timeline -- how long has this taken, and will it take, and should I be tougher (no--it's a central nervous system thing) and am I imagining how bad it is (nope--these are very very real iatrogenic injuries that I and all of us are enduring). 

 

I'd be happy to answer any other questions, either here or I will try to stop by your thread as well. I'm glad you found us here! 


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#185 kateincali

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 04:54 PM

Hi Kate, 

Thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. However I do believe there is hope, especially if we are willing to be patient.

 

It does sound like our stories are very similar. 

 

I started the fast-taper (I didn't know that's what it was) in summer of 2015. I went from 20 to 10 to 5. I paused that to try to regain some stability. I then continued "tapering" from 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 to 1.6 in winter of 2015. I also went up on Zoloft in there (and am still on it) because I didn't know that the awful way I felt was withdrawal -- I was made to understand that it was my "original condition" (aaaaaaiiii!!!!!!). In February 2016 I found this site. I realized that I had been "tapering" way too fast. In the last year, I've done what we call the Brassmonkey slide, named after our group member Brassmonkey, who came up with it. It involves tapering at about 2% at a time (everyone will be different). 

 

My worst symptoms have been feeling suicidal (was never suicidal before or on Paxil); extreme rage bordering on violence; depersonalization/feeling like I was in a dream; not being able to think; nausea. 

 

I did not ever updose; I have done a LOT of holds, even when everything in me is screaming to just get off the stuff already. For me, one of the biggest (self-imposed) stressors is the timeline -- how long has this taken, and will it take, and should I be tougher (no--it's a central nervous system thing) and am I imagining how bad it is (nope--these are very very real iatrogenic injuries that I and all of us are enduring). 

 

I'd be happy to answer any other questions, either here or I will try to stop by your thread as well. I'm glad you found us here! 

Thank you so much for your answers! So even through your worst symptoms, you always held? Wow, you are freaking TOUGH! And it always balanced out eventually? What was the longest period of time it took for you to stabilize?

 

I am so happy you found a method that works for you! One day we will both be free from this! 


2002-2003 25mg CR Paxil due to PTSD and severe anxiety. 
2005-2016 25mg CR Paxil due to resurgence of panic attacks and severe anxiety.

Started tapering late summer 2016.

Aug 2016 - 25mg CR immediate cut to 12.5mg CR, then held 4-5 months 

Jan 2017 - 12.5mg CR to 12.5mg (non CR), then after a week

Jan/Feb 2017 - 12.5mg (non CR) taper down 2.5mg/week (1.25mg every 3-4 days), and felt no symptoms at all until debilitating withdrawal effects at 1.25mg, so immediately went back up to last stable dose of 2.5mg.

Held at 2.5mg. Experienced mild/moderate anxiety waves, brain zaps, lightheadedness, feeling less sharp, cortisol spikes and lots of anxious energy.

Tried Omega 3s for two days and experienced debilitating anxiety and depression (+urgent care visit), so off that since Feb 19th. 

Mar 12 2017 - Switched to half liquid/half pill, had a minor spike in anxiety but it faded over a couple days

Mar 19 2017 - Switched to full liquid - 2.5mg/1.25ml - experienced a spike 7-8 days in, but stabilized over next week.

Currently at 1.25ml liquid (2.5mg), using essential oil blends mixed in with carrier oil, and praying a lot. Also daily meditation (headspace app), CB therapy, exercise and positive self talk. 

 


#186 SkyBlue

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Posted 25 February 2017 - 11:23 AM

Hi Kate, 

 

Thanks for your kind words! I'm taking a screen shot to add to my things to look at on a tough day. Although there is no shame in updosing or any of that. 

 

It's hard to say the longest it's taken to stabilize. When I missed a dose last January or Feb sometime, it was weeks of dp/dr for hours a day, along with sleeping any of the time I didn't need to be somewhere. 

 

Yes, someday we will be freeeeeeeeeeee! 


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#187 SkyBlue

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Posted 25 February 2017 - 11:36 AM

Hi wonderful friends,

 

Today feels like a challenge. Yesterday too. I'm having all these thoughts like, "Will it even be worth it, going through all this stuff?" I hope that again in the future I will feel without a doubt that life is worthwhile. Of course, challenging sometimes, but worth it. 

 

I'm doing a lot of deep work in therapy. I am doing EMDR which is amaaaaaaazing. I always thought it was for things like violence or horrific accidents. But it can be used for many things. Had a session this week that brought up stuff from decades ago. Trying to be gentle with myself as far as maybe I'm going to be off-kilter, tired, and processing sooooo much stuff (the brain keeps processing memories throughout the week between EMDR sessions). Can I give myself the same compassion as I would a dear friend? Huh. Still working on that. 

 

One of the EMDR resources is putting things (distressing thoughts, memories) in an imaginary container to work on during therapy. It is a way of setting things aside until it is more ideal to work on them. Today I'm putting in my container my concern that "Will this all be worth it? There is no guarantee, and that scares me."

 

Love to all.


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#188 Shep

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Posted 25 February 2017 - 03:38 PM

Thanks for sharing your experiences with EMDR, SkyBlue. Sounds like you are finding some powerful non-drug techniques for getting through this. Wonderful to read about.  :)


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#189 SkyBlue

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Posted 25 February 2017 - 09:01 PM

Thanks Shep! 


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#190 SkyBlue

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Posted 17 March 2017 - 09:18 AM

Hi friends, 

 

Happy St. Patty's Day!

 

After a drop from .88 to .86, I experienced several days of dp/dr. This cleared. 

 

The intrusive, false-suicidal thoughts have persisted for a few days each month. It's incredibly frightening and strange, since no matter how depressed I was before Paxil or on Paxil or during "poop-out," I never, ever felt suicidal for one second. My therapist agrees that it sounds like this is clearly not just "my baseline" or some kind of "underlying condition" (Note to self: if it started on a dime with withdrawal, it's not me, it's the iatrogenic injuries from psych meds and can and will be healed.) As always I am safe. Continuing self-care which includes acupuncture, exercise, being social at times, and getting rest.

 

March 3 I went from .86 to .84…. Last night, March 16, went from .84 to .82. 

 

The windows are getting better and better. I've had at least four withdrawal-symptom-free days in March so far. If you're reading this and barely hanging on…. HANG ON!!!!!! 

 

Current mood… Hopeful! <3 <3


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#191 megb

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Posted 17 March 2017 - 11:54 AM

:D  :D  :D  :D so glad to hear it!!!!


Jun '09-Aug '12: 10mg Paxil for severe insomnia due to anxiety. Also took Ambien/Trazodone for sleep.  

Sep'12: 1st attempt to get off, naively tried cold turkey per Dr. suggestion. Couldn't work for 2 months. Another Doc upped dose to 20mg.

Oct'12-Sep'15: 20mg Paxil

Sep'15: tried to come off slower. Used fish oil, vit D3, and regular exercise/healthy diet to assist. (Taper sched= 18mg for 60days, 15mg for 60d, 10mg for 30d, 8mg for 30d) At my 3rd week of 8mg in Nov '15, insomnia and panic attacks began. Back up to 20mg after a month of horrible withdrawal. 

Mar '16: began taper from 20mg- decreasing .5mg or less each month 

 

Apr' 17: 13.5mg Paxil, Westhroid, fish oil, vit D3, Adrenal support, and 8-12.5mg Trazodone as needed for sleep. Gluten-free & dairy free.  

 

My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness. 

 

 


#192 Cheeky

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Posted 19 March 2017 - 12:34 AM

Hi Skyblue,
I just st wanted to say hi, I too have been on Paxil for a long time and have had lots of failed attempts. I'm starting my journey again and only doing 2% drops every 6 weeks.
You are a very strong person to endure what your been though and I admire you for that. I hope one day we will all be off these terrible drugs. Take care xxx

-1995 to 2014 started at 20mg for 10 years and slowly increased it to 50mg Paxil-2014 8th of October 25mg Seraquel Started -2014 Tapered of Aropax from Oct 16th to 22nd Nov in only 1 week-2014 Oct 25th started Cymbalta on 30mg fo 1 week Nov 7th 60mg Cymbalta for 2 weeks and Nov 25th -28th 90mg Cymbalta - plus 50mg Seraquel-Tapered of Cymbalta from Nov 28th to 7th Dec - started Zoloft 50mg on the 8th of Dec-12th Dec 75mg Zoloft 16th Dec 100mg Zoloft and still on the 50mg Seraquel-2015 6th Jan 25mg Seraquel 15th Jan 125mg Zoloft and 50mg seraquel-21st Jan 20mg Paxil plus 50mg Seraquel 24th of Jan 30mg Paxil 27th of Jan 40mg Paxil<p>-started Seraquel Tapper Febuary 24th to 43.7mg then March 29th 37.5mg of seraquel May 6th 31.25mg May 28th 25mg4th Nov 21mg Seraquel 14th feb 12.5 Seraquel and still on 40mg PaxilCurrently 12.5mg Seraquel1st may started my Paxil tapper 5% 38mg 16th June 5% 36.8mg 23rd July 35.5mg August 6th 35mg
August 23rd 34.5mg currently 19th October 40mg Paxil and 50mg Seraquel at night 2nd November 43mg Seraquel

17th March 2017 39.5mg  Paxil and 43mg Seraquel


#193 Shep

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Posted 19 March 2017 - 01:57 AM

The windows are getting better and better. I've had at least four withdrawal-symptom-free days in March so far. If you're reading this and barely hanging on…. HANG ON!!!!!! 

 

Current mood… Hopeful! <3 <3

 

 

Beautiful update, SkyBlue. You are encouraging others with your story, it has a strong vibe of resilience and hope.   :)


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#194 SkyBlue

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Posted 19 March 2017 - 08:51 AM

Dear Meg, Cheeky and Shep, thank you very much for your kind words!!

 

The past couple of days have been difficult with dp/dr and hopelessness/ "false" suicidal ideation.

Yesterday (Sat) I wasn't able to really do anything due to dp/dr and feeling intoxicated. Did watch

the state girls' high school championships which was able to distract me a bit on and off,

and it was sunny out, so those are a couple of good things.

 

Hope and love to all! 


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#195 SkyBlue

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Posted 05 April 2017 - 09:05 AM

Hi all...

 

I'm finally feeling better after an intense 8 days with severe hopelessness and daily suicidal feelings. . . I never had this kind of suicidal thoughts before withdrawal . . . This time I did confide in two family members (they know I get depressed, but I never let them know how bad it is because I didn't want to worry them -- this time it was so bad, I didn't worry about worrying them.) I didn't have a "plan" but as a safety measure didn't allow myself to be alone for those eight days. I think it's really bad in our society that you have to be honest about suicidal feelings, but have to be very careful sharing those feelings because you can easily be hospitalized and drugged.  

 

I didn't feel good enough to come write here when I felt that way, and now that I feel better I don't want to think about it!!!!!!  :blink: However just wanted to say hi and that I'm still here. Hoping it's a good day--for me and all of you too. 

 

As I feel better I also plan to be more open about SSRI withdrawal in real life. I'll figure out what that means for me, but a) there is no shame in this -- it's something that's happened to us -- and B) people need to know about it. These drugs are powerful and addictive and should be approached with the same kind of caution as any highly addictive hardcore medicine. I know I'm preaching to the choir that these shouldn't be given out like candy. Okay I'm started to spiral so going to get back to my day. <3


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#196 mammaP

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Posted 05 April 2017 - 09:47 AM

Glad you are feeling better SkyBlue, looking back on a bad wave is like remembering a nightmare but it is over now and I hope you have a lovely long window.  :)


**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

See how to create a signature here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12364-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Many drugs for many years, prescribed diazepam first 1973, took occasionally. 3 or 4 tricyclics  for short periods.

1993 had a breakdown leading to 10 years of drug experiments with all classes of psych drugs.

2002  effexor. 

Tapered by counting beads from March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

 

Also tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg -hold- Feb2016 46mg  March 8 2016 45 April 44mg  May 11  43mg June 14 42mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, pro biotic.

 

My story http://survivinganti...king-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

Following every sunset is a brand new day


#197 SkyBlue

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Posted 05 April 2017 - 09:48 AM

Thank you so much, sweetheart! <3 


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#198 Shep

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Posted 07 April 2017 - 01:47 AM

Hi, SkyBlue.

 

I'm very happy to read you're coming out of that dark place. 

 

Do lots of self care and nurture your nervous system. Sometimes experiences like this can leave you a bit hollowed out for awhile, so please draw on the many non-drug coping skills you've been working on. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#199 SkyBlue

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Posted 08 April 2017 - 06:53 AM

Thank you so much, dear Shep, as always. <3 I like the phrase "hollowed out" -- it describes it perfectly. So important to be gentle with ourselves! I'm learning. 

 

One theme for me in withdrawal (in life, really) is pressure on myself. When will I heal? ? When will I get fully back to life? Change of seasons is a trigger for me to feel pressure, and with spring here, I'm very grateful for the beautiful weather but it also brings up those pressure feelings. Trying to focus on the beautiful weather instead!!  <3


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#200 SkyBlue

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Posted 08 April 2017 - 11:40 AM

Hi everyone, I am in need of support today. I am safe and not in danger. I am having a lot of suicidal ideation which I am fighting. I'm fighting it and it's just exhausting. This isn't anything new; I just don't always post here. I have all the crisis lines with me. Going out and doing things; not staying alone. I made myself a list of all the times I've felt this way and then felt better-- so I can look at it during these times and see I've been here before. The tricky thing is that I'm up to my ears with coping strategies that I use all the time in withdrawal -- when it gets like this, nothing feels good, and so much of my beautiful life doesn't seem worth it. My life has always felt worth it. I know this isn't a crisis line and I am not in imminent danger at all. I know ppl here care about me and so any kind words are appreciated. 

 

I hope for a future where I never have these kinds of thoughts anymore.


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#201 scallywag

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Posted 08 April 2017 - 01:57 PM

Wise of you to post SkyBlue.  ((((hugs))))

 

When I was concerned about myself, I made a phone list of people I could call and/or stay with if things got bad. Knowing that I had a list of names with phone numbers was a relief. 

 

I too hope for a future where you never have these thoughts again.  Please take good care of your lovely, kind self.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results
Cymbalta (brand name), 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 20 mg to 7 mg in 2016, exact doses and dates in this post;
2017: 6.3 (58 beads) Feb. 1; 5.6 mg (52) Feb. 22; 5.4 mg (50) Mar. 15; 5.1 mg (47) Mar. 25; 4.9 mg (45) Apr. 5; 4.5 mg (42) Apr. 14;
Current dose: 3.5 mg (32) 2017-Apr-26
+ Supplements: fish oil (1500 mg EPA/500 mg DHA), Vitamins: D3, K2, C; Minerals: Mg, Se, Cr, I, V
scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet


#202 Shep

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Posted 08 April 2017 - 03:54 PM

Change of seasons is a trigger for me to feel pressure, and with spring here, I'm very grateful for the beautiful weather but it also brings up those pressure feelings. Trying to focus on the beautiful weather instead!!  <3

 

 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. 

 

Here's an idea - are you able to take short walks in the beautiful spring weather? Perhaps take your cell phone with you to take pictures.

 

Perhaps work on a scrap book of pictures of nature that you find. You can even find free programs online to make a scrapbook with your photography. 

 

I'm just trying to think of something that you could focus on to get you out of the dark headspace you're in. I use music that way and find videos and sounds that "speak" to me and set up bookmarks and organize them. I have playlists for every mood I could possibly be in. It's difficult when you're in the storm, but once you get started with this type of project, it gets easier to use it as a healthy distraction.

 

Are there flowers and trees where you live? Birds and insects? All of these things make great pictures and a way of holding onto healthier thought-streams. And it's a way of grounding in nature and getting a bit of sunlight in the spring weather. 

 

And then you have reminder - you can sort through your beautiful pictures of nature when you're back inside. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. I hope these dark thoughts pass soon. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#203 SkyBlue

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Posted 08 April 2017 - 07:18 PM

Thank you dear Scallywag and Shep. I will write more tomorrow in response to your great ideas, but for now wanted to let you know I received and appreciate your messages and thoughts. I made it through the day. Each day is a victory. These really aren't "my" thoughts and I try to use mindfulness to separate "me" from my "withdrawal mind." In my actual life (outside of withdrawal mind), I have a lot to live for. It just gets all covered up. All this fighting and mindfulness and trying today -- all worth it-- has been exhausting. Going to bed now  -_- Thanks again.  :wub:


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#204 SkyBlue

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Posted 10 April 2017 - 08:29 AM

Hi all, 

 

The suicidal feelings passed after Saturday. In retrospect I was exhausted, which may not have caused the suicidality but certainly didn't help it. When I was able to come home for the evening and rest, I felt almost immediately better. Not 100%, but better and able to be alone. (Side note: I really enjoy solitude normally).

 

Sorry I didn't check in yesterday -- ended up working, which turned out to be good. It's enough of a distraction/challenge/social interaction to be good, and not too much during withdrawal when we are so easily overwhelmed.

 

Scallywag -- I love your idea about the list of contacts. I've done the same-- I have a list of people who I've checked with that I can reach out in difficult moments. I've found the difficult part is actually doing it (I don't want to "bother" people or bring them down or make them feel responsible for my feelings), but I've been doing that and it does help. Nobody's ever made me feel bad for reaching out. So I did that on Saturday and a couple friends chimed in and reminded me I always get better. 

 

Shep -- I appreciate the idea about the photography, especially with nature coming back to life in spring. I like the idea of online scrapbooks for photos. Last weekend when I was also feeling this way, I forced myself to go to a local nature center. I mostly just felt hopeless ("these are all beautiful things that I used to like… now I feel nothing and everything good is in the past"), but I kept putting one foot in front of the other, "riding the wave," so to speak. Even though the beautiful nature around didn't sink in, it was good and important that I went there. 

 

Thanks again for being there for me. <3 


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#205 Blondiee1915

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Posted 10 April 2017 - 05:12 PM

Hi SkyBlue -

Stopping by to say hi and see how you are doing . I just read through your thread and wow you are one strong person. You sound positive and determined even in the midst of a crisis . This is truly admirable . I too battle in my head with thoughts such as 'how long will this last' and feeling bad about myself . But I try to remember the good days I havr and that it is possible to be medication free and live a life where you can feel things and be yourself instead of a drugged person . I also have to remember to be gentle with myself and not to expect much I do the best I can .

It is great you implement non drug techniques such as meditation. Every night before bed I listed to a quick meditation. Sometimes I fall asleep sometimes I can't even concentrate but I do it anyways . It is also great you can be open with your family and have a list of contacts with you . That should be comforting .

I also want to say that I remember when I was being switched from one SSRI to another for a few days I had very negative scary thoughts and I was terrified . I lived by myself in another state with no family around or friends . I went to my shrink and told her how I am scared I might do something and she said sometimes that happens and that people that are scarred they will do something will actually never do it . Such a crazy explanation but I did believe her . And after educating myself reading online I found out that it could be meds and not me . Anyways sorry I am rambling a bit out of it today . I just wanted to encourage you to be strong and that these negative thoughts are not you. You have been on medication for such a long time it will be a process to heal but it will happen . This is what I tell myself . 9 years on lexapro I can't expect to be cured in 3 months .

Hope you are having an okay day

Positive thoughts your way
  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop.  Most lasted 3 months, was forced to reinstate due to severe symptoms 
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other medications: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil (each med about 2-4 months).  
  • MOI Nardil  2014 - 2015
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 

Started to withdraw from Vibryiid around mid -June'16 with last dose in in July. Felt pretty good for the whole summer. Some anxiety, dizziness, short fuse, some weakness but okay overall. Comes October - dizziness, spinning, off balance feeling, FATIGUE, anxiety, fear, racing thoughts, insomnia, DP/DR

 

Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, then increased to 5 mg  Some relief, sleep better, severe DP/DR decreased.  Still very anxious, exhausted, dizzy. 

Switched 12/26/16 Luvox 50 mg (25 mg am and 25 mg pm).  Dizziness, exhaustion, anxiety, DP/DR

1/13/17 switched to one dose of Luvox 50 mg before bed.  EXHAUSTED, dizzy, weakness, off balance, anxiety, DP/DR

1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM.  Main symptoms: FATIGUE, dizziness, DP/DR, anxiety 

 

Supplements: iron, fish oil, vitamin D, methyl folate, Mitochondiral NRG (for fatigue)


#206 brassmonkey

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Posted 10 April 2017 - 05:29 PM

Hi Skyblue--  I'm so glad those nasty feelings cleared up and you're feeling better.

 

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

 

Brass


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mg it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking


#207 SkyBlue

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Posted 19 April 2017 - 09:39 AM

Thank you so much, Blondie and Brassmonkey! Sorry to be so late in responding. 

 

Blondie, thanks so much for reading through my thread and also for your kind words.

I do think it absolutely makes a difference to know that the thoughts are not "me."

 

I have two new items for my WD toolkit. These are for withdrawal-induced rage.

 

One is a water bottle with magnesium powder already mixed in, that I can take in case of rage emergency.

The other is a jar of water with epsom salts already dissolved in it. I can soak a washcloth in the solution and wrap it around my arm (if I'm at home). Kind of like a portable epsom bath.

 

This will be handy because when my nerves get so jangly, coordination becomes difficult, even opening bottles, etc. without spilling things and making the rage worse.

 

The idea is to get the magnesium in as fast as possible to calm down the visceral (not psychological) rage that crops up.  :wub:


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#208 MollyN

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Posted 19 April 2017 - 11:29 AM

I love the idea of the rage-liquid!

 

Oh my goodness, I remember one night in the midst of WD - I think it was the sudden drop from 10mg to 5mg - and the trigger was my husband not coming home in time (yes sad but true!) and I was so enraged that to cope - I googled something like 'most rage filled songs ever written' and listened to them on the headphones at full volumn while I cleaned the house like a mad woman - titles included such heavy metal gems as 'everyone is a  **** ******** ***** and I hate them all' type thing until finally - 3 hours later - I was calm and exhausted.  It was so scary and disturbing and thank God I was alone! The apex of WD was terrifying for me as well :(

 

I think your bottle of mag sounds wonderful and I'm glad you've got it at the ready xxx


Hello  :)

  • Prescribed paroxetine 20mg (Paxil) in 2001 for 'prenatal depression' - and again in 2003 - withdrew just fine 2 mths later. 
  • Prescribed  paroxetine 20mg (Paxil) in 2008 for PTSD (domestic violence)
  • Went cold turkey - I didn't know better (disaster!!!!! - prescribed more terrible drugs to control first lot of terrible drugs (but luckily I threw them in the bin )
  • So I stayed on 20mg  out of fear! I don't want to be the mean crazy person I am when I stop it.
  • March 2014 started 'Willy-nilly Cut Sliver off the side' approach to withdrawal - thank goodness for this site - stopped that.
  • Dropped from 15mg to 10mg in Jan 2015 - horrible - too fast = mean & crazy.
  • Eventually stabilised and stayed at 10mg for 8 months.
  • Stupidly dropped again by 50% (don't do this my darlings!) Sept 2015 reduced from 10mg to 5mg = mean & crazy, sad & desperate.
  • Updosed to 6mg (=6ml) 14 Oct '15. hold 1 mth
  • 6ml - 5ml drop 14 Nov 15. hold 1 mth
  • 5ml - 4,8ml 9 Dec '15 (going to take this nice 'n steady on the low doses) (please send me cyber kicks if you see any sudden 1ml drops!)

Presently: One day I simply had enough and stopped taking it, after 8 years. Didn't get my usual horrid side effects, which was extraordinary.  Now about 8 mths (April 2017) off the drug altogether.  Mostly I notice my memory is extremely poor. 

 


#209 SkyBlue

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 11:06 AM

Oh, Molly, what a story! I can totally sympathize. <3 

 

Thanks for the kind words! 


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#210 Blondiee1915

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Posted 27 April 2017 - 06:18 AM

Hi SkyBlue,

Stopping by to see how you are doing

Hope all is well

Xoxo
  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop.  Most lasted 3 months, was forced to reinstate due to severe symptoms 
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other medications: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil (each med about 2-4 months).  
  • MOI Nardil  2014 - 2015
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 

Started to withdraw from Vibryiid around mid -June'16 with last dose in in July. Felt pretty good for the whole summer. Some anxiety, dizziness, short fuse, some weakness but okay overall. Comes October - dizziness, spinning, off balance feeling, FATIGUE, anxiety, fear, racing thoughts, insomnia, DP/DR

 

Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, then increased to 5 mg  Some relief, sleep better, severe DP/DR decreased.  Still very anxious, exhausted, dizzy. 

Switched 12/26/16 Luvox 50 mg (25 mg am and 25 mg pm).  Dizziness, exhaustion, anxiety, DP/DR

1/13/17 switched to one dose of Luvox 50 mg before bed.  EXHAUSTED, dizzy, weakness, off balance, anxiety, DP/DR

1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM.  Main symptoms: FATIGUE, dizziness, DP/DR, anxiety 

 

Supplements: iron, fish oil, vitamin D, methyl folate, Mitochondiral NRG (for fatigue)






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