Dinah Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I was wondering if there was anyone with anything heartening to say that I can hang onto in the dark place I find myself in at the moment. I was prescribed Seroxat about 19 years ago for treatment for post-natal depression which was quite severe. I have been on them for most of the time since then, albeit on a low dose. I have been Seroxat free a couple of times, but was re-prescribed them. However, I have not taken them now for about four months, following a prolonged tapering-off period, successfully beating the brain zaps, dizziness and bad dreams. I truly thought I would be fine, that the only problem would be physical withdrawal symptomsI had to beat. But now that I am Seroxat free I find myself in a very sad and melancholic mood. Does anyone else struggle to describe how they are feeling? I can say I feel estranged from the world, as if I don't belong, have no place etc, but the words don't convey the "atmosphere" in my brain. And to anyone else I have a very enviable life, with no major problems, a loving family etc. I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar, even if they are still suffering! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Hi Dinah. I can sadly relate, as I feel exactly the same during withdrawal. It's such a horrible empty feeling. You describe it very well. How long have you been drug-free so far by the way? The only thing that really helps me deal with this (so far) is just accepting that I feel this weird emptiness, and telling myself that it will eventually pass, and that I must keep going through it every day until it does. I sometimes bring to mind memories of times when I was happy, to remind myself that one day I can feel that way again, or even try to "pretend" that I feel that way now. The worst thing about this feeling for me is that it makes me "panic", because I feel so souless, and nothing feels normal. I feel like everyone can see that I feel this way, or something (I cant quite explain what I mean there). Many people on here have said accupuncture has helped them during withdrawal, perhaps it might help with this symptom. Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 30, 2011 Administrator Share Posted August 30, 2011 Hello, Dinah. Congratulations on your successful taper. Welcome to our community. When you have a chance, please open a topic about yourself in the Introductions forum and let us know how you did it. It may be your brain is still adjusting to being drug-free. You may be very sensitive for a while. As Phil suggested, you may need to develop coping skills to manage these feelings. There are many suggestions in our Symptoms and What Helps and Finding Meaning forums. Also, please keep in mind not every case of depression needs medication. People do manage a tendency to be sad without drugs, and lead satisfying lives. Since it's been so long since you've been drug-free, you may need to find your emotional set-point again. Be patient and give it time. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinah Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Thanks for that reply Phil. It is helpful to know that others feel the same way. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say you can't explain what you mean - I think that is because there is no vocabulary to express what we are feeling. You can put it into words, but the words don't communicate the mood. I will look into acupuncture. I hadn't thought of that, and if it is generally felt to be helpful I will give it a go. I really hope that you start to feel better soon. Remembering feeling happy sounds like a good step forward. Thanks for the advice, Altostrata. I will check out the forums and also introduce myself. Can't think why I chose Dinah as a tag - it's my dog's name! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angie007 Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Hi Dinah, How i can relate to that post of yours, and yes im four months plus free of seroxat after 14yrs too, and going through the exact same thing, amongst a host of other seroxat induced symptoms too. Hang on in there Dinah, others say this will end, and im waiting patiently for that day to come!!!!! Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinah Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Lovely to get your response Angie. Congratulations on being drug-free. What an achievement? I hope you soon start to feel a bit better. Perhaps we can compare symptoms and progress from time to time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinah Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I meant to put an exclamation mark, not a question mark, after "What an achievement." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angie007 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Hi Dinah, Congrats to you too my friend, we will make it through this i promise you that, and one day we will look back and not be able to remember this, as we will be busy and thrilled to have our lives back at long last. Be lovely to catch up buddy and would welcome the chance to talk to you, whenever you feel up to it. All the best x Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diana53 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I was wondering if there was anyone with anything heartening to say that I can hang onto in the dark place I find myself in at the moment. I was prescribed Seroxat about 19 years ago for treatment for post-natal depression which was quite severe. I have been on them for most of the time since then, albeit on a low dose. I have been Seroxat free a couple of times, but was re-prescribed them. However, I have not taken them now for about four months, following a prolonged tapering-off period, successfully beating the brain zaps, dizziness and bad dreams. I truly thought I would be fine, that the only problem would be physical withdrawal symptomsI had to beat. But now that I am Seroxat free I find myself in a very sad and melancholic mood. Does anyone else struggle to describe how they are feeling? I can say I feel estranged from the world, as if I don't belong, have no place etc, but the words don't convey the "atmosphere" in my brain. And to anyone else I have a very enviable life, with no major problems, a loving family etc. I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar, even if they are still suffering! Hi Dinah Just wanted to add my experience of this feeling of sadness, which doesn't go anywhere near to describe the overwhelming feeling of deep despair. I also felt disconnected with the world and did not feel worthwhile as a person. This happened at about 3 months off Seroxat and I had no idea at the time, what was wrong. After 6 months of feeling as though my world was in darkness, I made a stupid decision to try a small dose of citalopram to lift my mood. I only took 5 mg for 4 days but this was enough to send my body into sheer panic. What I have learned from this period in my withdrawal, it is another stage to get through and it will pass. At the time I didn't think I would ever be able to smile again. I find the knowledge that others understand what you are going through to be tremendously helpful. This is why I wanted to add my thoughts on your post. Hang in there, it will get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinah Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Hi Diana I really value your reply - thank you so much for that. I have just been discussing with my husband whether to go back to the doctor with the idea of asking for another sort of medication, as this bleak mood seems such a waste of a life. Just reading that it is likely to pass makes me feel much better. At the moment I seem to get better as the day progresses, having woken up with an awful feeling of doom. Just going through the motions of everyday activities eventually makes me feel better. Plus contact with other people. I hope you are feeling much better now. I agree - this website is a great source of comfort. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Altostrata Posted October 6, 2011 Administrator Share Posted October 6, 2011 Many of us experience worse feelings upon awakening, Dinah. See these topics Waking early with upset stomach and feeling of dread? Early-morning waking with panic or anxiety Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems These seem to be fairly common symptoms if you've had a rough withdrawal. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexjuice Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Hi Dinah, I experienced something similar, though perhaps a bit different. I was d/c'd from several medications at the same time, cold-turkey: Zoloft, Wellbutrin & Klonopin then introduced to Buspar and Topomax. After this abrupt change I experienced a total transformation in how I felt about myself, my life and the value of it all. Yes, as others have said, it's tough to describe. I felt 'old', though I was not yet 30. I felt like I had seen all there was to see, that life held no meaning or mystery. People around me seemed foolishly chasing their tails. The ability to care about other people and invest in emotional relationships was lost. I felt like I wasn't even one of them, those 'humans' and that humanity itself was totally empty and bankrupt. I sometimes fantasized about the destruction of the planet or a hostile invasion by extraterrestrials (!). Food didn't taste the same, pain didn't hurt the same. I felt like there was no point in living because there was nothing I could find a care about. It was a depression without vibrant emotion. Sometimes I tried to play very sad youtube videos to trigger crying, but I could not cry. I picked sad scenes from movies, scenes I'd wept before in the past, and they brought no tears. I tried and failed to find anything beautiful or tragic or painful to cry about. I felt like I had died and lost my 'soul' leaving my empty body to wander around. I did feel very sad, but it was an intellectual sadness. I thought about how horribly sad I was more than I felt it. Empty. If there was a feeling it was empty, the sudden loss of feeling and meaning as I'd known them all of life. It was a horrible sensation. Lost in life, I saw no purpose in living. This feeling didn't translate into words easily. In my group therapy I tried to explain it, and I could not. I remember a guy, he was my age, he got defensive and said "I'm not old and we're the same age... Plus you don't know everything... There are lots of things to care about if you make the effort..." Or something like. The good news is that I do not experience this 'lost/hopeless/meaningless' sensation any longer. It has passed, and I can now find many things to care about, and even sometimes cry about. I'm not sad these days, though things are still hard in other areas. I am grateful that my mind has recovered in a way that I can function again like a human being. (And I don't fantasize about aliens invading our planet!) Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Alex, thankyou for writing this. I know its not addressed to me, but I can so relate to your experience. It's good to know that it resolved for you. Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinah Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 Alex, thank you very much for your reply. What a lot you have been through. It is so comforting to know that other people relate to one's symptoms, and also that they are caring enough to share them. I am so glad that you are feeling so much better and stronger. People who don't suffer from depression really have no idea of the world we live in, have they? Thank goodness for sites like this one where we can support each other a little. I hope your recovery continues, and thank you again for taking the time to reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbarannamated Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Hi Dinah. You express perfectly how I've felt over the past year+ . I, too, managed to taper Pristiq (the last in a long 15+yrs of ADs) w/o the brain zaps, etc. I know what they are like b/c I got them if I missed just one dose of Effexor. I had no idea I was experiencing protracted w/d until a few months after last taking Pristiq. I stumbled upon Alto's post on another blog. I had been experiencing most bizarre surges of emotion, anxiety, morning dread, time warp, and mostly like my life was painfully void of anything. Phil, your explanation of feeling panic over the soulless existence is ON! Alex, your reference to feeling old also hits home (altho I really AM old!). The morning anxiety/cortisol rush has calmed, but the dread and hopelessness is especially bad now. I crave connection w people, have always been very curious and enjoy learning about people. But it feels like i'm in a bubble and can't really make that connection. I've experienced times of disconnection in the past, but this feels different. Im so thankful for this group. Everyone describes my feelings so well. It felt so crazy when I had no idea what was happening. Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinah Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 Hello Barbarannamated, It seems so strange to be exchanging experiences in such an open way with someone on a different continent, yet we obviously have much in common. I know what you mean about the craving for connection with other people. The urge for this has seen me join social groups that I don't feel the need for when I am feeling more balanced. I wonder what is at the root of this. Have you had any support of any kind, for example CBT? I am wondering if this might be the way to go for me. I don't think I have any experience of what you describe as "time warp". How does this feel? I am so sorry you are feeling dread and hopelessness. I wonder if these are phases that we will see the end of. Thank you for your reply. Dinah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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