235 posts in this topic

I've just read this excellent post to Cheeky by JanCarol.  Her situation may be different to yours (no two people are in the same situation) but I still think that there are points in JC's response very relevant to you.  I've bolded the points I wanted to highlight:

 

 

Cheeky - 

 

I'm sorry you are struggling, but - does it encourage you to tell you that - the things you are saying are not out of the ordinary for withdrawal?  Especially Paxil withdrawal?

 

I'm starting to believe, I will be on these drugs for life. I have been searching fir people who have been on these drugs as long as I have and come off it successfully and I haven't found one .

 

Cheeky, my first psych drug was circa 1988.  Prozac was brand new.  My first husband and I were severely depressed and quite eager to try it.  Okay, so I wasn't on them continuously - instead I did the brain basketball bounce.  On-off-on-off, and wondering why I was chronically depressed and crazy.  I don't know which is better or worse - the on-off bounce, or continuous use.

 

Anyhow, I'm off them now, at 54 years old.  I'm not great, but I'm soooooo much better off!  

 

I'm not the only one - there are many survivors of the 20-25-30 years of drugging gig.  Go to http://www.beyondmeds.com for some truly inspiring work.  I say work - because GiaK didn't just waltz off of the drugs, she had to work at it.  I had to work at it.  I still have to work at it.  Psych Drug Survivor University School of Hard Knocks.  But it's doable, it's possible.

 

So many of us have felt like we'd be on the drugs for life.  Until - in my case, I lost my health.  Then I had to get off, and I was terrified, what if I really needed them to keep from going totally bonkers, manic, out of control?  Guess what?  It didn't happen!  But I had to work at it.  It took time, and patience, and diligence, and very careful planning and lots and lots (and lots!) of non-drug skills to replace the drugs.

 

I agree with Ladybug and Chessie that change in brand may have made a difference in your mood.  Please pick a brand and stay with that brand from now on.  Now that you are on a lower dose, little differences (like a butterfly's wings) = monsoons of mood changes!   Consider this event a "bounce," and do not make any adjustments for 3 months - 

 

except for this one:  if you truly feel like the Seroquel is too strong, it's only been a couple of days, you can take it back down to 25 or even 12.5.  But then stay there.  Do not adjust your drugs based on how you feel.  Waves and windows, right?

 

You cannot fix drug withdrawal with another drug.  So pick a dose and stay there, and plan on staying there at least until after Christmas.  

 

Holding is hard work (I've said this so much lately!)  Holding is healing - it's during the long holds that the healing takes place, not during the frantic grasping for something to help with symptoms - but during the holding.

 

You can do this!

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Delia,

 

Before increasing the dose, do you think you could wait it out a couple of weeks? Sometimes we just hit a hard patch, then it blows over. It is so easy to increase, and so hard to come off of them. It's really short term gain for long term pain.

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Hello, thank you from the heart for your prompt advice, it is extremely helpful, as I haven't seen the situation from this perspective and almost didn't make the difference between the real reasons medication is for. Consequently, I gave it a good thought these days and didn't end up upping the dose, I am doing fine, except some itchiness at night. I 've had a welcome window in the last couple of days, I must add except of the fact that I am really outside any kind of motivation to improve my well being in my spare time, I only can stay in bed, but feeling still. Although, I really hope this inactive period in my spare time will have an end somehow and I start blooming and actively engage in something positive and inspirational and keep up, but it's just a dream. I just can't persevere and don't know how or if I should accept that. I feel I should do more, but I convince myself that is all I can do exactly what I am (not) doing.

As for Mirtazapine, I am almost there, one more month and I will have almost finished the accomodation period of three months with the last steady dose. I can't believe I was about to give up the fight after so much work in tapering. I am thankful God helped me find so wonderful people like you who helped me continue and not give up, I actually realized what I was doing wrong all these years upping and lowering doses based on moods. I hope I will gather myself together in a future wave. 

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Here I am in another wave, this time more unfortunate. Yesterday i couldn't move, I was feeling my brain trembling and boiling on the inside, like I needed to scream extremely loud and still nothing would change. It was an agony. Today I am at work, a bit anxious and worried. I don't know what to expect in the next period. Fortunately next week I will be in holiday, at home, resting. Momentarily, I am taking 3,75 mg Mirtazapine and 1,50 ml Risperidone.

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I think I may need to know if it is alright to wait until January on the doses I am in present and proceed to a further cut since 2017, or is it safe to continue with the tapering of Risperidone since December? Maybe I will calm down and feel much better the next days, and yesterday may have been an isolated event of withdrawal. I have completed my goal settled until the end of this year, I am at the doses desired. But sometimes, when I feel well, I think I could continue and I don't have to wait until next year. It is clear I should continue the taper, whenever I do it, only with Risperidone, letting Mirtazapine at the end, when I will have finished the antipsychotic. Although sometimes I am tempted to continue with both in the same time, as I did by now. Should I rely on my feelings? My reasoning may not be the best.

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Waiting until January 2017 is an excellent idea. Six more weeks at the same doses will give your sensitive CNS (central nervous system) time to stabilize after so many changes this year.

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Thank you so much, scallywag. Hugs and kisses :) :) . 

 

I also need to know what these changes in mood at different times in the day might mean? Some days I am pretty functional in the evening and lousy the rest of the day, or others, when I am supposed to feel well and rested after a full night's sleep, I barely move around the house and fear everything. Will these moods balance also with time and will I arrive to a reasonable level of steadiness in my feelings? I don't know if you can answer that, but please try to make an idea about that. I really need a shred of hope that everything will resolve as I stabilize.

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If you can't figure out a cause for the moods, feelings and sensations, assume it's the waves and windows of withdrawal.

 

It can't be posted too often, "Nobody can predict what your symptoms will be, when they will arise, and when they will weaken."

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Is it normal to have nausea at this stage of withdrawal where I am?I haven't done any change in the last few weeks.Is the brain entering crisis?

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New or different withdrawal symptoms can arise at any time during a taper, nausea included.

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I am determined to continue with the tapering starting December.I am feeling very prepared to do that and I don' want to wait with the same doses. The fatigue I am having all the time is really upsetting me.I am refraining myself from going cold turkey and I will continue with a gentle 5% taper.

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This -- "refraining ... from going cold-turkey" -- is an excellent idea!

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True :).This frustration caused by the neverending fatigue makes me think in all directions,but this time I want to succeed,so I will proceed the smart way no matter the temptation.

Could the fatigue be a symptom of withdrawal or is it a side effect of the drugs? I must mention that I had the fatigue even while I was taking the full doses.But considering I have reduced since then,it may be a symptom of withdrawal?

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I am so stressed that I feel cannot continue my job sometimes.I don't know what to do, I haven't been so stressed. I think it's not only a symptom of withdrawal, but also a side effect.I am scared and I also have short moments of grandeur when I feel strong,but something is stopping me to evolve. I know I should do something, give up the one coffee I have in the morning and the green tea from noon also.And do even more,force myself into exercise and study and come to work,but forget about it. I am so stressed.At work this period we are pretty inactive and that is very stressful because I think I should have some more to do,but this is the job everywhere. I feel guilty for having an easy job and still finding it hard. I hope I will have better thoughts tomorrow. How to take it easy? I don't know what to do. I have to change almost everything about me to be content with who I am.Why can't I accept myself at all??

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Everything was going on fine, two days ago I was in a good mood and productive, but the same day in the evening I could barely function, still too early in the day to feel this way, I couldn't even talk or have a normal social interaction with anyone.

 

Yesterday, because of that, my breathing started to accelerate and the pain in the back of my neck came back strongly so I couldn't resist the stress because I also had things to do and in that situation I couldn't. I abused benzos, took 0,5 mg Xanax and 0,5 mg Clonazepam. I still didn't feel too good all evening. And this morning I had the nausea from this mix, I felt low, as if I had been drinking even if I didn't, felt nauseated, sick of myself.

 

I made it pass with o,25 Clonazepam, later in the morning another 0,25 and now another 0,25 mg. I don't know what is happening because in months I didn't have this destructive behaviour towards myself. I am upset at the pain in the back of the neck and the upper side of my back due to stress.. I have reasons because somebody is stressing me in this period to finish a translation, and I just can't do it.

 

I cannot stay put on the computer in my free time for hours to work at it because i hardly focus and this person doesn't understand this. It is bothering me a lot and also harming and endangering my recovery. I don't know how to get out of this. I think since tomorrow I will try to replace benzos with Passiflora until I get steady.

Edited by scallywag
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and now more 0,25 mg ............what is happening? Is it the holiday season?

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Help!!! I am also experiencing suicide ideation,thinking actually pretty serious about that.

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another 0,5 mg...maybe it's just a phase 

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I use meditation, breathing and prayers. None of these have been helping me so far.

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Delia. Often it takes quite a lot of practice before it starts to make sense, and after that sometimes a kind of rhythm can develop. Have you tried " walking meditation " instead ?

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I don't know what walking meditation is.

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another 0,25 mg. when will i start to feel better???????????????? it doesn't matter. i won't stop until i feel a bit better. this pain is too much!!!!

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I apologize for my behavior lately. I am trying to help myself with Passiflora for anxiety, used benzos only for two days and starting tomorrow I will forget about coffee until this wave passes. I will also use calming herbs infusions in the hope I will find some peace.

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Coffee has become history to me again, and I am starting to feel a little bit better. I also cut some of the B supplements, which I found to be activating and I am informing more on the acceptance theory, thank you for that. 

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Hello. For three entire weeks, the winter holiday with Christmas ecc I felt wonderfully quiet and still and at peace.

 

One I got back in the rut I had a panic attack and started to feel dreadful, actually almost going insane, finding no peace whatsoever, feeling terribly suicidal, worrying those around me. I am still coming to work, but only because my doctor put me on Clonazepam three times a day to face life.

 

I talked to my doctor how the Mirtazapine lowered the quality of my life ever since I am taking it and tried to change me the medication, meaning to give me Anafranil and Buspirone, keeping the Risperidone and the Clonazepam. I thought about it and eventually refused.

 

I want to put myself back on track and continue to follow the scheme of reductions until I end with Mirtazapine for good and get to 1 ml of Risperidone,although my doc says to take 3 ml. Can;t do that. I worked to hard to the tapering and already suffered too much. I will eventually taper the Clonazepam again after I get a bit more steady.

 

Do you have any thoughts and suggestions for me/ I am in a great deal of pain and those around me think I am pretty crazy.Thank you so muc!

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Delia, when did you start taking clonazepam again?  What is the dose you take 3 times a day?

 

Please update your signature to show clonazepam and the dose that you are currently taking.

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Hi Delia-- This really jumped off the page at me " For three entire weeks, the winter holiday with Christmas ecc I felt wonderfully quiet and still and at peace.

 

One I got back in the rut I had a panic attack and started to feel dreadful, actually almost going insane, finding no peace whatsoever, feeling terribly suicidal, worrying those around me. I am still coming to work,"

 

I think there may be some very clear triggers here if you look for them.  That will help point you in a direction to help get your mind under control and sort some things out.  Working out why the change in situations affected you so much and coming up with methods of coping with it will be a good thing.

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I started to take clonazepam about a week ago.0,5 mg morning and noon and 1 mg evening.

I won't do this for long.All I need is your opinion on how I should handle better the situation.i already think things are getting better because my colleagues and my.boss are very.supportive.the problem is: will I handle the withdrawal and life altogether?i am determined to.fight,reduce the clonazepam again,start the gym to relieve stress and continue the schedule of tapering my other meds.what are your thoughts?

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Delia,

 

Hi Delia-- This really jumped off the page at me

 

" For three entire weeks, the winter holiday with Christmas ecc I felt wonderfully quiet and still and at peace.

 

One I got back in the rut I had a panic attack and started to feel dreadful, actually almost going insane, finding no peace whatsoever, feeling terribly suicidal, worrying those around me. I am still coming to work,"

 

 

I think there may be some very clear triggers here if you look for them.  That will help point you in a direction to help get your mind under control and sort some things out.  Working out why the change in situations affected you so much and coming up with methods of coping with it will be a good thing.

 

 

What do you think about brassmonkey's comment about the difference between how you felt during your holiday and when you returned to your routine?

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The holidays were wonderful but once I got back to routine I started to freak out.oh,problems agsin?i literally thought i.couldn't deal with this sny more.for me.routine is great,as long as it never ends.how can I cope with new year same problems?how can I balance my mind snd emotions?i am very fortunate with sn extraordinary boss and wonderful colleagues,but I don't want to disappoint anybody.And I don't want to.quit and nobody wants me to.quit.it will.be tough getting out of the circle created by fright with the clonazepam.but it will be possible.my boss tells me all the time.to spend some time to her gym as therapy and that might save me.it has saved me ten years ago going regularly to the gym.having this push,i believe I can do it.what do you think what else I should fo? how to proceed to get better snd ceel better about myself continuing the tapering which to me is the most important?

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What is the most important thing? 

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Can anybody answer me how can I refrain myself from wanting to commit suicide, without having to take medication?

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Delia, SI (suicidal ideation) is one of the symptoms of taking medications, of decreasing dose (tapering) medications, and of withdrawal.

 

Sometimes it can help to remind yourself that it is the drug "talking" or causing the SI thoughts -- not you.

 

Do you have anyone you trust to just listen to you?

 

Are there phone lines in Romania that you can call when the feelings and thoughts are intense? They're often called suicide intervention services or distress centres.

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It has helped a lot to know that SI was a symptom of withdrawal, because I was convinced it was my old problem. I have bumped into another trouble though. Since the 9th of January, for approximately ten days I have taken pretty large doses of Clonazepam and trying to quit, I could no more, even 0,5 mg wouldn't make a difference and the anxiety kept staying high. So, yesterday and today, for two days until now, I took 200 mg/day of Carbamazepine, to get rid of the Clonazepam addiction. I am not happy about it and I don't know how to continue. I don't like the side effects of Carbamazepine one bit, and I wish I could stop without returning to Clonazepam or anxiety. I am at a loss for the moment. Can you please give me some thoughts?

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