Posted 08 February 2017 - 03:55 AM
I tried to gather myself together, so for 2 weeks I didn't add any Clonazepam or other med to the combination, but two days ago I couldn't stand the inner restlessness and sufference, so I started to take Buspirone. I've read it may start working after about 4-6 weeks. Although I am taking it early in the day, it interrupts my sleep frequently, so I wake up very tired and remain tired until noon, when I start to feel much better. As an immediate result I am very energetic, but only after I recover from the morning fatigue due to sleeping so badly and less than usual. I didn't want to add any medication, but after lowering the doses of my other drugs memories from the past started to come back to me and although they hurt, I believe it is normal to have memories. Still, memories like the smell and taste of the bagel I was having in the primary school shouldn't be painful, but they are. Everything is painful to remember, I don't know how to explain this except if it is related to my low self-esteem and I can't stand anything of myself. Anyway, I added this Buspirone because I also remember being always anxious and frightened in school, which worsened in the teenage years, before ever taking any med, I was overwhelmed by fear and I don't want to go back there never again, which is surely coming back to me day by day. Beside being the neuro- emotion exacerbated by withdrawal, it is also a fact of my entire life before ever taking any drug. I am not trying to convince myself, I wish I could remember myself otherwise, but these anxieties overtook my existence since I was a child. I am not very receptive at the non-drug techniques. Being constantly tired I could barely think to get up and stay at work, I gave up everything, even the gym, because it would exhaust me. One session of physical exercise would bring me down and make me feel physical pain for many weeks afterwards. I will exercise again, but for the moment it is not a viable technique. I am praying, but again, I am not receptive, still I continue. I tried Q-gong and I would get stressed while doing it, so I stopped. Ever since I have been taking Mirtazapine, I stopped exercising, reading, studying or holding a purpose to live for. I have become lazy, with physical pain and sleepy, with almost mental shut-down.
Since this drug Buspirone has been giving me positive energy so far- I hope the side effect it has on my sleep will subside with time and I also hope that I will be more calm within myself after a month. I am aware no drug is healthy, if it works less than expected or deteriorates my health, I will most certainly stop it.
1999-Zyprexa 5 mg, then 10 mg until 2013,little Haldol for short;Zyprexa with on and off periods, horrid withdrawal and back on,sometimes added Escitalopram(Cipralex)20 mg;2013-Risperidone 3ml,Depakine 300 mg,Escitalopram 20 mg,Levomepromazine 1 mg;at need Clonazepam(Rivotril) 0,5 mg;october 2014-2015 Risperidone 3ml,Mirtazapine-7,5 mg,Escitalopram-20 mg;2015-Risperidone 2 ml,Mirtazapine-3,75 mg, Escitalopram- tapered during the year;
may 2015(started work)-added Clonazepam 0,5 mg every third day;december 2015-Risperidone 1,5 ml,Mirtazapine 3,75,Escitalopram 5 mg;Clonazepam-increased dosage to 2 mg;
December 2015 until January 2016 added Carbamazepine 600 mg and gave up Clonazepam until March 2016-Risperidone 1,35 ml, Mirtazapine 3,75 every second and third day(schedule of tapering),Escitalopram-0mg,Clonazepam for a week every third day, then reintroduced Carbamazepine 400 mg for a week, then stopped Carbamazepine.
Since the beginning of april 2016 taking Risperidone 1,30 ml, Mirtazapine 0 mg for five days, 1,87 mg for two days, then turned to 3,75 mg every night, Clonazepam 0,5 mg .
April 27 - upped Risperidone to 2 ml and Mirtazapine to 7,5 mg to bear with the lack of Escitalopram that caused huge anxiety, Clonazepam 1 mg every third day. May to November 2016: Risperidone 1,50 ml(tapering from 2ml, started the taper may 2016); Mirtazapine:3,75 mg(tapered from 7,5 mg, started the taper may 2016); Clonazepam 0 mg(started the taper from 0,33 mg daily).January 2017: Risperidone 1,40 ml(tapering every 4 weeks); Mirtazapine 3,75 mg(tapering to 1,87 mg), Clonazepam(10 days): 0,5mg-0,5mg-1 mg. 4 mg/day for 3 days.January 19: added 200 mg Carbamazepine/day(for 3 days), off Clonazepam.February 2017: Risperidone 1,35 ml; Mirtazapine 3,75 mg(1,87 mg 3 nights/week), Buspirone 2 x 5mg(3 days,then stopped), Clonazepam occasionally (every third day usually 0,5 mg or 1 mg,hopefully I will stop)
Supplements: Omega 3,Magnesium,B1, B3, B6, B12, Folic Acid,Passionflower (occasionally)