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sarabb Force medicated and still trying to heal


sarabb

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I feel like i cant hold on to my thoughts. Like a knife is cutting through my organs. And my liver is overpoisoned. Anyone with the same exeriences? I know its a little confusing to read. But I cant say it differently

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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Can you describe in a bit more detail how it is not to be able to hold on to your thoughts? 

 

I guess I'm experiencing something similar. And now that I try to describe it it is difficult. There is a beginning of a thought but I can't finish it.... Especially now that I write in english I find it difficult but this is also the case in my native language. I think it has to do with difficulties finding words that match what you are feeling, thinking.

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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Like i am saying the same thought over and over again in my head. Like i cant think clearly. I feel confused. Deeply confused all the time and i dont know who i am and its such a huge sorrow for me to have lost myself. I cant control my thoughts and i dont know what i may do because i i cant control myself.

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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Sounds you're having a tough time Sara.

 

Have you written anything in the introductions forum? I suggest you do that, then the moderators here can give you some advice.

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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Sara, I have the knifing pain for years, it's simply the hellish tourture among all!

What is your meds history?

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Ive become so addicted that i cant stop. I used to take a little medication and live with that. So now Ive got locked in again and take medication and the redidence demands that i take medication. My family and the Whole system denies completely that the way i feel have any thing to do with the medication. Its frustrating. Im afraid to die and i have no one to talk with it about

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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  • 3 months later...

Hello

This is the situation right now:

I live in a place where I am forced to take medication everyday. Everyday is worse than the other. Its only about to survive the next day. I left my boyfriend 3 months ago because he didnt understood the situation. I still love him and miss him. He himslef took medication and it can be a reason why he didnt have the surplus to care about my problems. I have a new one who is better at handling my problems. He has never got such strong medication as I has and thats why its worrying me if he can understand the pain i am living in everyday. I feel like a zombie. I am afraid he is leaving me because i am losing myself. I love them both, maybe I love the one that I left most but i dont wanna go back to him because i dont wanna **** it up with the new one. And still, I am confused about my feelings because they are dissapearing all the time so maybe I cant feel the love I have for my new boyfriend? I am confused. Please, if you have any advice, give it to me. And i dont wanna fight against the place that i live to make them stop giving me mediciation because I simply not have the energy. And also, I have to go to work everyday feeding some animals because otherwise they are kicking me out. My body is simply completely broken.

What am i doing about it?

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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It sounds like this situation is something you have to endure until you gain a little strength.  In your current situation, the drugs seem like the worst thing, and the most important thing to work on. I don't know what drugs they are making you take, or how long they have been doing it, but gradually, the effect of the drugs might grow weaker and you might become stronger and more confident. Then perhaps you can describe the effects of the drugs to your doctors, and inquire about a lower dose, or different drugs with side-effects that are less disabling.

 

Boyfriends are nice to have, but they must be allowed to leave if your drugged condition keeps you from doing your part in the relationship. It is possible that friendships with people of both sexes would be more valuable to you and others while you are on drugs that make it hard for you to know how you feel about a boyfriend. Plain old friendships can be lighter and easier to enjoy, and also very rewarding and very important to recovery.

It sounds like your work with the animals is made difficult by the drugs. Can your boss accommodate your disability in any way? If you are having trouble lifting heavy objects or staying on your feet (walking or standing), there might be a way to reduce the need for those, and still let you work. It's too bad that you have to work when you are affected by drugs that make it very hard to work.

2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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Thanks for your answer :)

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ive become so addicted that i cant stop. I used to take a little medication and live with that. So now Ive got locked in again and take medication and the redidence demands that i take medication. My family and the Whole system denies completely that the way i feel have any thing to do with the medication. Its frustrating. Im afraid to die and i have no one to talk with it about

sara wich meds are you on right now? i noticed that you were born in 1995, you are one year older then i am, that just breaks my heart... i know what it is like, and i just wanna let you know that i'm here for you, message me at any time

(i'm brazlian so please, ignore spelling mistakes) 2015 the beggining of the year started with effexor xr 37,5

went up to 300mgs

in october of 2015 quitted COLD TURKEY/took olanzapine 5mgs for 2 weeks around november/ reinstated effexor in january of 2016

in march of 2016 was at 300mg again

in may tappered effexor xr and added trazodone 150mgs, seroquel 50mgs and abilify 10 mgs/in july cold turkey from abilify (no big deal)

in september tried reducing trazadone to 50mg

after 2 weeks went back to 150mgs of trazadone and 50 mgs of seroquel and added 2 mgs of klonopin to use WHEN NEEDEED

currently taking 150mgs of trazadone and 50 mgs of seroquel at night

 

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  • 11 months later...

Hi everybody

Right now im living in a resident home where i get kicked out or put in a psychiatric hospital again if i dont take medication. So its not the typical force medication. Right now my body is reacting more and more to the medication, but nobody is listening to what im saying at all so I dont say anything. I know that now matter what i say I have to take medication and at the dose they decide. Im waiting for an apartment but it takes so many years and it will probably take some more years. I dont know how to handle this.  My functioning level gets worse and worse so the chance that i recover and one day will be able to get my own apartment og take care of my self gets smaller and smaller. I would be so glad if someone could give me some advice so i could get through this. 

Greetings Sara

 

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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Hi everybody

Right now im living in a resident home where i get kicked out or put in a psychiatric hospital again if i dont take medication. So its not the typical force medication. Right now my body is reacting more and more to the medication, but nobody is listening to what im saying at all so I dont say anything. I know that now matter what i say I have to take medication and at the dose they decide. Im waiting for an apartment but it takes so many years and it will probably take some more years. I dont know how to handle this.  My functioning level gets worse and worse so the chance that i recover and one day will be able to get my own apartment og take care of my self gets smaller and smaller. I would be so glad if someone could give me some advice so i could get through this. 

Greetings Sara

 

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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6 hours ago, sarabb said:

Hi everybody

Right now im living in a resident home where i get kicked out or put in a psychiatric hospital again if i dont take medication. So its not the typical force medication. Right now my body is reacting more and more to the medication, but nobody is listening to what im saying at all so I dont say anything. I know that now matter what i say I have to take medication and at the dose they decide. Im waiting for an apartment but it takes so many years and it will probably take some more years. I dont know how to handle this.  My functioning level gets worse and worse so the chance that i recover and one day will be able to get my own apartment og take care of my self gets smaller and smaller. I would be so glad if someone could give me some advice so i could get through this. 

Greetings Sara

 

 

I feel bad for you and what are you going through.

 

Remember you are not mad, don't let those people fool yourself.

 

Pander to nurses and don't try to explain yourself and why you don't need "meds".

 

They think you are mad but we know you aren't.

 

Stay strong , i will put you in this evening Mass .

You will survive .

 

I'm sorry, didn't write a proper diary and my memory is very bad, can't remember exactly all dosages . Here is a short summary

Drugged since i was 11 yo.

Prescribed several SSRI, neuroleptics, mood stabilizers, benzos.Last prescription was lithium, lamotrigine , 20 mg paroxetine, rivotril

Tapered fast lithium and lamotrigine with little to no symptoms 3 years ago.Since then i'm tapering paroxetine and going through withdrawal syndrome. My tapering was not   stable and that's probably the cause of a lot of acute symptoms i had .

Currently at 0.8 mg of paroxetine

Trying now a micro-taper of 0.02 cuts

15/07/2017 tapered to 0.74  (having waves and windows. Cognitive impairment, akathisia, apathy, anxiety, vision problems, depression, paranoia, obsessive toughts, extreme fatigue,  and some more: all comes in waves except vision problems wich are persistent)

08/09/2017 0.72 mg 28/09/2017 0.70 mg

 

 

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I am sorry Sarabb that now you are at their hands. I was once treated in the psychiatric hospital and since then I get nightmares how they catch me and dont let me go home and inject in me all their medications.

 

Isnt there a way how not to swallow the meds you get admistered? And maybe you could look very quickly for an apartment where you could decide for yourself.

 

Please be strong! Sooner or later you will get free and then you will again enjoy your life like before.

 

Dont give in!

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Hi Martina

I am currently living just outside roskilde in denmark. I am og the waiting list for apartments in roskilde and all the nearby big sities close to me. I am living close to copenhagen,  the capital city in denmark, so there would be a good chance that I could get an apartment there.  I just dont know anyone there so I think it would be lonely. And the big city scares me. 

 

The problem with this meds is that it destroys your ability to be social og make friends. And until now I have only been having friends and boyfriends who has left me when I have been in withdrawal or having drug injuries. And my mom have been there for me but always pretended not to understand my pain.  And at the same time hurted me and got me locked in again if I confronted her with tings that happened in My childhood and now.  Im very lonely and dissapponited with all the people around me.

Sara

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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Hi sarabb ,good on you for being so honest in your signature .I'm honoured to read it ,you've been through so much.

In no way do I mean to be  patronising  but you are still so young and this is your biggest weapon to fight the powers to be .

 

think long ahead in time  and get a plan together to be free of them places ,don't let anyone label you .

learn to control temper/anger  if they see this it just plays into there egotistical rhetoric .

 

I cant jog lately because I'm so tired and I've had terrible anger this week so no release ,I rolled a towel up and thrashed it off the floor ,this is just my example .these places should be banned they will in the future I believe.[not a judgement on anyone that has been in them ]

You are living in a much more compassionate time  ,its hard to see maybe because of your experience .

 

I have to say I cant diagnose anyone and we have to know write from wrong when it comes to respecting a human beings space .

 

I agree with why ,you have to learn to stop pleading with the staff .tow the line and keep quiet .but it comes with responsibility ,learn the tools to cope with life and learn the boundary's to keep to so as not to come across as "mentally ill ".

 

when your finally free of them ,seek out a good compassionate therapist and unravel the fear and anxiety you learned from your mother ,she learned it herself from somewhere .my father was the same ,but ive come to understand he had hes own troubles and I don't believe he didn't anything deliberate to me .we need to interview therapists and see we are compatible its not just a person with qualifications ,they have to want to help human beings .

 

peter breggin is a lovely human being and maybe you should follow him ,I love he's podcast ,surround yourself with good decent people and absorb there kindness ,we are like sponge's so change your peer group as best you can .

 

so get to know who you are and not the labels these so called doctors give you .as I said , have a very long term plan to be free .what ever meds your on will numb you ide say ,but you will become a psychiatric survivor ,seek out these stories to build your strength .and the ultimate goal is never end up back there and this site has so much information to help you with that ,because living in the "real world" can be hard any time .

Take care and never give up ,I've needed this advice a lot lately myself .

PB

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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On ‎22‎/‎09‎/‎2017 at 9:31 AM, sarabb said:

Hi everybody

Right now im living in a resident home where i get kicked out or put in a psychiatric hospital again if i dont take medication. So its not the typical force medication. Right now my body is reacting more and more to the medication, but nobody is listening to what im saying at all so I dont say anything. I know that now matter what i say I have to take medication and at the dose they decide. Im waiting for an apartment but it takes so many years and it will probably take some more years. I dont know how to handle this.  My functioning level gets worse and worse so the chance that i recover and one day will be able to get my own apartment og take care of my self gets smaller and smaller. I would be so glad if someone could give me some advice so i could get through this. 

Greetings Sara

 

weres the evidence for this lobotomy .is there a scan .I'm not just picking on this psychologist .these diagnoses are thrown around without evidence to back it up .as a neurologist said in a ted talk ,psychiatry is the only part of medicine that doesn't scan or x-ray what it is treating .be very careful of labels .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Today just around one half hour ago a employee was laughing at me because i said something she thought was crazy. I went straight down to my apartment, layed down in my bed, wanted to cry but I couldt because of the meds. Then I went down to the city, buyed some raw bars and some raw chocolate balls (I almost not eat sugar) and ate them to make me feel some comfort. Then I went to the library and wrote this. I really dont know if I ever will survive this. I cant react, i cant show that Im sad, I cant show that Im angry. Im mourning over the loss over myself and I have no one to share it with. I feel like the last man on earth. And now I have used some money I didnt even have. In advance, Im constantly fighing to keep the cheapest food in the cheapest places, because I have no money.

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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  • Altostrata changed the title to sarabb Force medicated and still trying to heal
  • Administrator

Hello, sarabb. How are you doing? What drugs are you taking now?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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