well: recovery from antipsychotics

[well]

hi there guys

I was put on antipsychotics because I was arguing with my mother,after 3-4 months on them,I can't feel emotions like fear,love,happiness,empathy and all this kind of stuff,also can't feel the nature,whetear,music etc,i've lost my personality,my memory,can't remember anything from my past and even from 5 minutes after,have my head empty,also I can't think at all,do you think guys this can because of the antipsychotics as well?especially the problem with the thinking,I see many people emotional numb after this pills but I don't see them having as well problem with the thinking,

 

I don't know what to think because many people say that the pills I was taking it's not so powerfull as the other typical neoroleptics,first I was on haloperidol but everything was okey,outside the thing that I wasn;t able to get angry,but the other things like personality and reaction was still here,I was on it 3 weeks,then when going home they said I need already to take ketilept(seroquel or quetiapine) so I did because was afraid to be again in the that horible place,but things didn't go so good after it,after taking the first pill of ketilept I was feeling somehow depressed,after some more days after the pill I wasn't able to feel the music anymore and after 2 weeks I wake up like I didn't know who I'm,my personality was like gone,I wasn't able to remeber anything from the last year or something from the past.

 

I wasn't able to feel the nature anymore,I was like on some ireal place somehow,and my head was empty,I tried to left them off but after some hours I started to feel a very very big fear and maybe a little agresion after that I wasn't able to left them off,I taked them like a mounth and half after one day when I wasn't able to speak,I went to the personal psychiatric and she gave me instead triftazin,she told me that my emotions will come back from this one,so I left ketilept and taked trifrazin,in the beggining 10 mg but then 5mg because I started to cry all the time so she though because of the dose,after 2-3 weeks

 

I started to feel like my thinking is coming back,so in the beggining I started to feel some euphoria and some thoughts,but didn't feel like old me,this thing was just for 2 days,then I got back on the same **** like I was before,I told that to the her and I don't know why she gave me some more pills,but others,so after that I started to take eglonyl(sulpiride) 300 mg at day and also 5mg of triftazin,and started to feel more stupid then I was,after 2 and half weeks of sulpiride

 

I left it and also after some more 3 weeks I left triftazin as well,all the taked antipsychotics in total was like 4 mounths,I was on 200 mg of ketilept,just only like 3 days I taked the 400 mg dosage because of the fear,then I get back on the 200mg dosage of it,300mg of eglonyl and 5 of triftazin,also was on haloperidol in the begging but it was there on hospital so I don't know the dosage there

 

Do you guys think that it can be posible to have depersonalization because of ketilept?everything has started after it,many people say that ketilept it's not a strong antipsyhotic as others so I don't know what to think,it's possible to return to my old self? I'm off the pills already one month and a half but no improvements at all,just that now I only can hear the music in my head after listening one,but I don't feel anything and the major problem is that I can't think,I also had a stress situation,do you think it's because of that?

 

its possible it to come back? Tthe thing is that I can't remeber anything,so I don't remeber if I was able to think after the stress or it was after the pills,thanks and sorry for my english,also posted my problem on other topic but nobody responded so I decided to make my own,sadly i tepered the pills fast,can be this a problem also?

Edited July 4, 2016 by scallywag
added paragraph breaks

[Shep]

Hi, well. Thank you for starting your Intro thread. This is the place where you can list your symptoms and ask questions. 

 

Your English is fine, but you do have a complicated history with antipsychotics. The good news is you were only on them for a few months. I was on them for 30 years and came off Seroquel last year, and I'm slowly recovering. You will, too.

 

From reading your post, it looks like you've been on the following antipsychotics:

• Haloperidol
• Ketilept (Seroquel)
• Triftazin (Stelazine)
• Eglonyl (Sulpiride)

And you say you were on these meds a total of 4 months, and you've been completely off all of them for 1.5 months. Is this correct? 

 

Please place this list of meds, time on them, and doses that you can remember in your signature:

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

Yes, depersonalization can definitely be caused by antipsychotics. Lack of emotions and the feeling of being numb are extremely common side effects and withdrawal symptoms with these meds. 

 

What other symptoms are you having?  Are you on other medications or supplements? How is your sleep?

 

Once we have a clearer picture of how you are doing, we can better answer your questions. 

[well]

Hi Shep,thanks for reply,yes I was on them 4 months and off already 1.5 months...well I taked some vitamins,taked mexidol for like 2 weeks,lichitin,and now i take omega 3 and 6 but vegetale,not the fish one,also was one month on a BAD called gotu kola,nothing seems to help,my sleep is kinda good but I have strange dreams also sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat,I didnt have every night dreams as I remember before the pills,I sleep like 8-12 hours,now don't feel other symtoms,just the ones I described lately and now,forget to say that some thoughs are slowly coming in my head but I still can't think of something by myself,t's like just random thoughts that fly by,will edit my signature when I will be on my computer..

[AliG]

Well.   Some of those supplements are stimulating . It might be wise to drop them in withdrawal. We recommend magnesium and fish oil . 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

If you could add your drug history signature :

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

Ali

[Shep]

Thanks for the additional information, well.

 

So you're sleeping all night, but you're emotionally blunted and having some memory problems. This sounds like withdrawal. 

 

I'm going to give you some links for what to expect after coming off of psychiatric medications:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome? 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

There's also a section of the forum to discuss and research your symptoms:

 

 Symptoms and Self Care Forum

 

And this link will give you plenty of ways of handling your symptoms without meds:

 

Non-drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

By only having been on these medications for 4 months, you're likely to come out of this just fine. Please feel free to continue to ask questions and explore the site. You'll find a lot of people to support and encourage you here. 

[hennie86]

You will survive and get your old self back, especially if your drug history is that short. You just have to be patient, you have taken many meds during a short period of time. I have taken Zyprexa and tried Seroquel also and I have experienced the same experiences as you,depersonalization, lack of emotions and like I have lost my personality, which is scary,I know. i've had no passion to things which were important to me before. I think it's a good sign you obviously don't have any sleeping problems. You will heal, it just takes a little bit of time.

[well]

Well.   Some of those supplements are stimulating . It might be wise to drop them in withdrawal. We recommend magnesium and fish oil . 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

If you could add your drug history signature :

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

Ali

 

I finished all the supplements except that now I take only omega 3 and 6 that are a combination of both in one pill,but they are vegetale,is the vegetale one as good as the fish one or I need to change them to the fish?I will take magnesium as well,thanks

[well]

Thanks for the additional information, well.

 

So you're sleeping all night, but you're emotionally blunted and having some memory problems. This sounds like withdrawal. 

 

I'm going to give you some links for what to expect after coming off of psychiatric medications:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome? 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

There's also a section of the forum to discuss and research your symptoms:

 

 Symptoms and Self Care Forum

 

And this link will give you plenty of ways of handling your symptoms without meds:

 

Non-drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

By only having been on these medications for 4 months, you're likely to come out of this just fine. Please feel free to continue to ask questions and explore the site. You'll find a lot of people to support and encourage you here. 

 

Some of them I've read some will now,thank you very much of support,I'm very afraid(in a superficial way) that I will feel again a big amount of fear and agression and I will not be able to control myself  since I tapered them all very fast without trying slowly,but now I guess I can't do anything and just have to wait

 

[well]

You will survive and get your old self back, especially if your drug history is that short. You just have to be patient, you have taken many meds during a short period of time. I have taken Zyprexa and tried Seroquel also and I have experienced the same experiences as you,depersonalization, lack of emotions and like I have lost my personality, which is scary,I know. i've had no passion to things which were important to me before. I think it's a good sign you obviously don't have any sleeping problems. You will heal, it just takes a little bit of time.

Thank you mate,it's such a shame we have to go through all this,do you also have problems with thinking beside the other problems?

[AliG]

Well . At this point the fish oil is probably better than the Vegan/ vegetarian oil .However , if you are vegan - flaxseeds are a great source of omega 3 .  

[well]

Well . At this point the fish oil is probably better than the Vegan/ vegetarian oil .However , if you are vegan - flaxseeds are a great source of omega 3 .  

No,it's not because that,just one person recommend me the vegetal one because said he's better than the fish one don't know why,but I think I will finish this one and will start also with fish

[hennie86]

I hope we would not have to go through all this.. many people have similar kind of experiences when taking antipsychotics. Doctor said that these drugs have antidepressant effect,but in my case I felt anhedonia when taking these, I felt like part of me was erased when I took them.I know some people who tolerate antipsychotics, but I am not part of them. I had two pretty good months, when I woke up from the sedated" I don't care about anything"- state after Zyprexa (that's why I know it is possible to feel again and I even started to feel music, was more social,and enjoy things almost like before), unfortunately now my life is not like that, but my med history is really much longer and complicated than yours. I also have sleeping problems and still use medication for it. I have had problems with thinking, before Zyprexa I had racing thoughts, and good imagination, and suddenly I felt like I had problems to think and I still do.

[well]

I'm very afraid I will not heal,I've read one story on another site where one guy taked eglonyl just for 10 days and after that he didn't healed even after 8 months,also another guy taked amitriptilin ad for 2 weeks and after 5 years his depersonalization didn't pass as well,eglonyl is also kind of a antidepresant but also with antipshychotic thing so I'm afraid if this will pass,especially because I tapered fast...

[Shep]

I'm very afraid I will not heal,I've read one story on another site where one guy taked eglonyl just for 10 days and after that he didn't healed even after 8 months,also another guy taked amitriptilin ad for 2 weeks and after 5 years his depersonalization didn't pass as well,eglonyl is also kind of a antidepresant but also with antipshychotic thing so I'm afraid if this will pass,especially because I tapered fast...

 

You can find anecdotal stories on the web on about just everything, but that doesn't mean it's going to be your own story.

 

Here are some great Success Stories to read:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/28-success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal/

 

Many of them are on antidepressant recovery, but there are some on antipsychotic recovery and polypharmacy recovery, too.  Surround yourself with the good stories. There's no reason to think you won't heal, especially at only 1.5 months out.  And then you can write your own success story. 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, well.

 

Please set your sights on taking care of yourself and healing.

 

Quite often, psychiatric drugs cause emotional anesthesia -- some people call this an antidepressant effect. Sometimes, they also cause inability to concentrate or even memory loss.

 

These effects can last after you go off the drugs. Your abilities will very slowly return. Worrying can make the bad feelings worse. Try to stay calm. Please see Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Can you also see a psychotherapist to talk about your feelings?

 

Do you live with your mother? How do you two get along? You may wish to open a topic in our Relationships forum to talk about your troubles with your family.

[well]

 

I'm very afraid I will not heal,I've read one story on another site where one guy taked eglonyl just for 10 days and after that he didn't healed even after 8 months,also another guy taked amitriptilin ad for 2 weeks and after 5 years his depersonalization didn't pass as well,eglonyl is also kind of a antidepresant but also with antipshychotic thing so I'm afraid if this will pass,especially because I tapered fast...

 

You can find anecdotal stories on the web on about just everything, but that doesn't mean it's going to be your own story.

 

Here are some great Success Stories to read:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/28-success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal/

 

Many of them are on antidepressant recovery, but there are some on antipsychotic recovery and polypharmacy recovery, too.  Surround yourself with the good stories. There's no reason to think you won't heal, especially at only 1.5 months out.  And then you can write your own success story. 

 

ok thanks again,will patiently wait...

[well]

Welcome, well.

 

Please set your sights on taking care of yourself and healing.

 

Quite often, psychiatric drugs cause emotional anesthesia -- some people call this an antidepressant effect. Sometimes, they also cause inability to concentrate or even memory loss.

 

These effects can last after you go off the drugs. Your abilities will very slowly return. Worrying can make the bad feelings worse. Try to stay calm. Please see Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Can you also see a psychotherapist to talk about your feelings?

 

Do you live with your mother? How do you two get along? You may wish to open a topic in our Relationships forum to talk about your troubles with your family.

I can even worry,but in a superficial way I'm "worrying" that because I can't think I will not be able to control my situation if in some way there will start some neuro emotions,I think it will be useless to see a psychotherapist since I don't have any feelings or thoughts that last,yes,I live with my mother now and we often were arguing but after this situation we kinda talk okay now first time after 2 years of only arguing with each other,I think it's not necessary to open another topic about that because since I forget everthing from the past I kinda wanna left it already in the past,but I'm also afraid that when I will slowly recover the momories will come and I will start to blame her again for this situation and the continous stress will come again,anyway will read the techniques about the emotions,maybe they will help,also it's a need to worry about the fact that there will be possible to have bad symtoms because the tapered was fast even if in these 1.5 months hasn't come any bad feelings like depresion or anxiety/agression and stuff like that?can they come later?

[Altostrata]

You haven't forgotten anything. Please don't exaggerate, be realistic. Exaggerating is a good way to keep yourself stuck in a bad situation.

 

Since you are temporarily relatively numb to the friction between you and your mother, you should take this time to learn more about it and better ways to deal with it, plus better ways to take care of yourself.

[well]

You haven't forgotten anything. Please don't exaggerate, be realistic. Exaggerating is a good way to keep yourself stuck in a bad situation.

 

Since you are temporarily relatively numb to the friction between you and your mother, you should take this time to learn more about it and better ways to deal with it, plus better ways to take care of yourself.

Yes I forget and I dont't think I will ever have the same memory,especially for things,especially for the music that was my life,just imagine, I've had like more than 2000 songs on one profile,and before the meds I knew and had each of them in my mind and every song had a specific feeling,time and memory that was so important to me,do you think this feeling will ever come back? Just imagine if no,then I will be sure that if the feelings will come back I will wanna listen all of them at the same time and my mind will just blow away and be just full of regret every day because I can't,because obviously each of them where listened in amond of 2 years,so will not I go crazy? I dont' remeber anything from my ******* life and I'm sure when I will get recovered they will all come back like a furtune and I will not have ******* peace even after all the **** I've been though,really sorry about all this but that's the truth and now I feeling like I'm getting very agressive and can't slow down my mind because of that,maybe I really have some psyhological problems...I never was like that,at least I was a tolerant person searching for hapiness and peace, who wanted just enjoy every beautiful day even if it rains or it's sun,the person who made me become like that was my family,especially my mother,I was very intelligent and quite,knew every time how to go out in a good way for conversations,anyway doesn't matter,I will never be the same after all this,especially my passion for life will not be the same since I've remained only with bad memories that I remember in fog once in a while,just thinking that I never nedeed more than music,peace and my inner space,how some even can live like this? Without memories and no emotion,like they never existed,like they don't represent anything,with no arguments and self mind,just a potato,if I were able,just made all this fagots make prison for life,that's inhumane and this kind off things are worst than killing properly,I wish they could feel all the things they make to people and then just trying to say thats because of the illines and not the bad effects of the pills

[Shep]

Hi, Well.  What you're describing are the side effects of both being on and now being off a string of antipsychotics. That may not go away for a number of months. You have to give your brain a chance to recover from the chemical assault from these drugs. It's not unusual to have blunted emotions, depersonalization, and the inability to really "hear" music. 

 

I play guitar and alto sax, but I haven't been able to play in a really long time. I love all sorts of music, and I continue to listen to it because I'm just starting to get some glimpses of really "feeling" the music. And I was on antipsychotics for 30 years. So if it can happen for me after that length of time, it will happen for you, too. 

 

I recently discovered some really great music videos that combine classical music with nature sounds. There's something about adding the nature sounds that's very soothing and helps enhance the music.  Here's a great playlist I recently found:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1RsIDCQNos&list=PL9015485B4C6E4E8D

 

I never would have found that (and many other types of music) if it weren't for my symptoms putting me in so much emotional pain that I kept searching until I found something that really helped. 

 

The loss of music is temporary. You can spend your time in anger or you can spend your time using this very specific state of mind to really "explore" music in a way you'll never be able to again. In the end, you may find this experience makes music even more meaningful for you than before and perhaps give some meaning to your suffering and help with the anger. 

 

Here's a thread that may help get you started. And if you find some music videos that help, please feel free to post and share. 

 

Music ...what music helps you put it here

 

And if it's simply too hard or too painful to focus on music now, perhaps take the time for other types of healthy activities, like going for walks in nature, watching a favorite tv show, etc.

 

This truly does get better in time. 

[well]

Hi, Well.  What you're describing are the side effects of both being on and now being off a string of antipsychotics. That may not go away for a number of months. You have to give your brain a chance to recover from the chemical assault from these drugs. It's not unusual to have blunted emotions, depersonalization, and the inability to really "hear" music. 

 

I play guitar and alto sax, but I haven't been able to play in a really long time. I love all sorts of music, and I continue to listen to it because I'm just starting to get some glimpses of really "feeling" the music. And I was on antipsychotics for 30 years. So if it can happen for me after that length of time, it will happen for you, too. 

 

I recently discovered some really great music videos that combine classical music with nature sounds. There's something about adding the nature sounds that's very soothing and helps enhance the music.  Here's a great playlist I recently found:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1RsIDCQNos&list=PL9015485B4C6E4E8D

 

I never would have found that (and many other types of music) if it weren't for my symptoms putting me in so much emotional pain that I kept searching until I found something that really helped. 

 

The loss of music is temporary. You can spend your time in anger or you can spend your time using this very specific state of mind to really "explore" music in a way you'll never be able to again. In the end, you may find this experience makes music even more meaningful for you than before and perhaps give some meaning to your suffering and help with the anger. 

 

Here's a thread that may help get you started. And if you find some music videos that help, please feel free to post and share. 

 

Music ...what music helps you put it here

 

And if it's simply too hard or too painful to focus on music now, perhaps take the time for other types of healthy activities, like going for walks in nature, watching a favorite tv show, etc.

 

This truly does get better in time. 

oh men great ones,I like it,I used to listen nature and classic music but not togheter,also only think what kinda "helps" it's just sitting on the internet and play games even if it's without pleasure,keeps my mind away from this,but sadly I don't watch now my favorite tv shows since I can't feel them and examine with my head,today It's the first time that I think I start to feel a little bit the music but it's kinda superficial,don't know if it's real or it's just my imagination but my state of mind it's still numb and unreal,still can't feel the nature or everything that's around me,it's possible that feelings can slowly appear but my mind still being in depersonalization and derealization?that will suck,also I think I started to feel a little fear after my morning coffee,I used to feel that and before the pills,but the feeling then went away after a time,now it feels like it's longer,also I will put some music in that topic even I still don't feel it real,I will put the music I used to love,thanks Shep

[well]

Also if I don't remember myself anymore,how it felt and how it was,is it real to not be anymore confortable or happy when my old me will return?

[Shep]

It's hard to say when the old you will return. Here's a great antipsychotic success story that was recently posted. This will give you some hope:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

 

In the meantime, try looking into some of the non-drug techniques for symptoms. I know it's hard to concentrate right now, but if you can learn some new ways of handling the problems that got you placed on medications, you'll be in a much better place when you do heal. 

 

 Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Many of us walk away from this experience much stronger and compassionate, and these kinds of techniques are very helpful in helping us learn that path. 

[JanCarol]

Hey Well - 

 

In life, you never become your old self again.

 

Your cells are in renewal constantly, your life changes around you, and hopefully, you learn and grow.  Maybe the 2000 songs you used to have won't be important - maybe there will be 2000 different songs that become important, instead.  Or maybe you will become interested in art and colour and design, or language and history, or = ?  

 

I used to play guitar and piano.  Sometimes I can still feel the piano under my fingers, but I will never again recreate the skill I once had.  There are many dreams from childhood that I have let go of, and when you let go of a dream, the space that opens up - is room for new dreams.  Even though I never play piano or guitar - I certainly have passion and appreciation when I hear a fine, skilled instrumentalist, and it wells up inside me like a fountain of beauty for my heart.  I have changed.  

 

One of the questions I must ask of you is about support:  do you have any support in your life?  Besides family (which sounds contentious)?  Do you have a sport you play, or people you see on a regular basis, to play games with or talk to?  This is an important factor in learning, healing, and growing.  Sometimes, when we are unwell, it is difficult.  Let this be your guide - find people who are more well than yourself to learn from.  These people may change as you grow and change - but always look for someone you can learn from and grow into.  Places to look are support groups, common interest groups, friends from school, and medical support, such as therapists, acupuncturists, massage therapists.

 

Look to engage your senses, follow your pleasure.  If it is playing video games, then play them to distract from the time you are waiting to heal.  I like colouring books.  It seems childish, but I play stupid Facebook games and solitaire when I don't feel well, or to take a break.  I listen to music every day, even when I don't like it much.  I try and do something physical every day, even if it is just a 10 minute walk.  When I was deeply anhedonic (no feelings) I would go for a massage and try to feel good.  It was hard, for many months it didn't feel good, but it is starting to get better.

 

You can get better, but you need to look at what feels good, instead of staring into the darkness with fear of what will come out of it.  That will produce monsters and trouble, every time.  But if you look to the light - what gives you pleasure, what gives you relief, what gives you joy - even if it is just a moment of joy - that is a moment that you heal.  String those moments together like pearls on a necklace, and soon, you will begin to feel better.

[well]

It's hard to say when the old you will return. Here's a great antipsychotic success story that was recently posted. This will give you some hope:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

 

In the meantime, try looking into some of the non-drug techniques for symptoms. I know it's hard to concentrate right now, but if you can learn some new ways of handling the problems that got you placed on medications, you'll be in a much better place when you do heal. 

 

 Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Many of us walk away from this experience much stronger and compassionate, and these kinds of techniques are very helpful in helping us learn that path. 

 

Even if I read all the succes stories I still can't feel the hope,not because I don't want to,but just simply can't like the other feelings....I don't think I will be ever compassionate like I was,I think after all this I will be a mean **** because,all the deeps thoughts have been gone,nothing remained of me,I will be able to give someone nothing at all,what I can give if all that I had is erased?after all this all it can remain is the hate for the ones that made me like this,I can't except the fact that the old me will never come back and I can't even be mad because of it,anyway let's just wait and see,also I'm done with all this night sweats and nightmares...okay I'm starting to be a cry baby,thank you anyway friend for the support,maybe with the time I will able to feel the hope

[well]

Hey Well - 

 

In life, you never become your old self again.

 

Your cells are in renewal constantly, your life changes around you, and hopefully, you learn and grow.  Maybe the 2000 songs you used to have won't be important - maybe there will be 2000 different songs that become important, instead.  Or maybe you will become interested in art and colour and design, or language and history, or = ?  

 

I used to play guitar and piano.  Sometimes I can still feel the piano under my fingers, but I will never again recreate the skill I once had.  There are many dreams from childhood that I have let go of, and when you let go of a dream, the space that opens up - is room for new dreams.  Even though I never play piano or guitar - I certainly have passion and appreciation when I hear a fine, skilled instrumentalist, and it wells up inside me like a fountain of beauty for my heart.  I have changed.  

 

One of the questions I must ask of you is about support:  do you have any support in your life?  Besides family (which sounds contentious)?  Do you have a sport you play, or people you see on a regular basis, to play games with or talk to?  This is an important factor in learning, healing, and growing.  Sometimes, when we are unwell, it is difficult.  Let this be your guide - find people who are more well than yourself to learn from.  These people may change as you grow and change - but always look for someone you can learn from and grow into.  Places to look are support groups, common interest groups, friends from school, and medical support, such as therapists, acupuncturists, massage therapists.

 

Look to engage your senses, follow your pleasure.  If it is playing video games, then play them to distract from the time you are waiting to heal.  I like colouring books.  It seems childish, but I play stupid Facebook games and solitaire when I don't feel well, or to take a break.  I listen to music every day, even when I don't like it much.  I try and do something physical every day, even if it is just a 10 minute walk.  When I was deeply anhedonic (no feelings) I would go for a massage and try to feel good.  It was hard, for many months it didn't feel good, but it is starting to get better.

 

You can get better, but you need to look at what feels good, instead of staring into the darkness with fear of what will come out of it.  That will produce monsters and trouble, every time.  But if you look to the light - what gives you pleasure, what gives you relief, what gives you joy - even if it is just a moment of joy - that is a moment that you heal.  String those moments together like pearls on a necklace, and soon, you will begin to feel better.

 

Like I said,I can't except the fact that I will never be like I was,my biggest fear is to become an extrovert idiot that talks all the time and can't apreciate the beauty around us,I can't even understand when I'm annoying someone,I think I'm already ignorant as that and will remain like that even when the old me will come back,also and don't want to grow at all,for me that's not so important,just wanna feel the nostalgic times and have my memories back at least and the thinking I used to have,who are we without our past?I think this thing with new open spaces it's just a lie that we told ourselves when sometimes already is lost.....no,I don't have support I used to be by myself all the time,never liked to tell someone my problems,but when my personality was gone,I told my problem to one person who I used to talk sometimes with and he's already tired of my "crying" and now she don't write me messages at all,maybe I'm too pessimistic and drama "queen" but yeah,will just eat all day and will play videogames and slowly degrade even if the food doesn't get pleasure,forgot to say that I've lost my appetite as well but nevermind,thanks for the support though

[Shep]

 

It's hard to say when the old you will return. Here's a great antipsychotic success story that was recently posted. This will give you some hope:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

 

In the meantime, try looking into some of the non-drug techniques for symptoms. I know it's hard to concentrate right now, but if you can learn some new ways of handling the problems that got you placed on medications, you'll be in a much better place when you do heal. 

 

 Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Many of us walk away from this experience much stronger and compassionate, and these kinds of techniques are very helpful in helping us learn that path. 

 

Even if I read all the succes stories I still can't feel the hope,not because I don't want to,but just simply can't like the other feelings....I don't think I will be ever compassionate like I was,I think after all this I will be a mean **** because,all the deeps thoughts have been gone,nothing remained of me,I will be able to give someone nothing at all,what I can give if all that I had is erased?after all this all it can remain is the hate for the ones that made me like this,I can't except the fact that the old me will never come back and I can't even be mad because of it,anyway let's just wait and see,also I'm done with all this night sweats and nightmares...okay I'm starting to be a cry baby,thank you anyway friend for the support,maybe with the time I will able to feel the hope

 

 

Well, you might be interested in this thread that FightingForHope started:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/11920-does-anyone-suffer-from-a-sort-of-intensified-impostor-syndrome/

 

There's a lot of insight that was discovered throughout that thread and it speaks to the blunted emotions of dp/dr and the profound loss of "identity". Definitely worth a read. 

 

The fact that you just said you're starting to "cry like a baby" means you're having some glimpses of your emotions coming back. That's a good sign. 

 

Hang in there, well. It does get better. 

[well]

 

 

It's hard to say when the old you will return. Here's a great antipsychotic success story that was recently posted. This will give you some hope:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

 

In the meantime, try looking into some of the non-drug techniques for symptoms. I know it's hard to concentrate right now, but if you can learn some new ways of handling the problems that got you placed on medications, you'll be in a much better place when you do heal. 

 

 Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Many of us walk away from this experience much stronger and compassionate, and these kinds of techniques are very helpful in helping us learn that path. 

 

Even if I read all the succes stories I still can't feel the hope,not because I don't want to,but just simply can't like the other feelings....I don't think I will be ever compassionate like I was,I think after all this I will be a mean **** because,all the deeps thoughts have been gone,nothing remained of me,I will be able to give someone nothing at all,what I can give if all that I had is erased?after all this all it can remain is the hate for the ones that made me like this,I can't except the fact that the old me will never come back and I can't even be mad because of it,anyway let's just wait and see,also I'm done with all this night sweats and nightmares...okay I'm starting to be a cry baby,thank you anyway friend for the support,maybe with the time I will able to feel the hope

 

 

Well, you might be interested in this thread that FightingForHope started:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/11920-does-anyone-suffer-from-a-sort-of-intensified-impostor-syndrome/

 

There's a lot of insight that was discovered throughout that thread and it speaks to the blunted emotions of dp/dr and the profound loss of "identity". Definitely worth a read. 

 

The fact that you just said you're starting to "cry like a baby" means you're having some glimpses of your emotions coming back. That's a good sign. 

 

Hang in there, well. It does get better. 

 

sadly what I wanted to say is that I "cry like a baby" in a metaphor way,I mean I speak too much about my situation and how bad my situation is for me,sadly I still can't cry literally...I've read that topic but the question that interes me is why only I have problems with thinking?not slowly thinking,but just can't think at all,what is that?can this really be because of neuroleptics? I didn't discovered people with this problem...

[well]

 

 

 

 

It's hard to say when the old you will return. Here's a great antipsychotic success story that was recently posted. This will give you some hope:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

 

In the meantime, try looking into some of the non-drug techniques for symptoms. I know it's hard to concentrate right now, but if you can learn some new ways of handling the problems that got you placed on medications, you'll be in a much better place when you do heal. 

 

 Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Many of us walk away from this experience much stronger and compassionate, and these kinds of techniques are very helpful in helping us learn that path. 

 

Even if I read all the succes stories I still can't feel the hope,not because I don't want to,but just simply can't like the other feelings....I don't think I will be ever compassionate like I was,I think after all this I will be a mean **** because,all the deeps thoughts have been gone,nothing remained of me,I will be able to give someone nothing at all,what I can give if all that I had is erased?after all this all it can remain is the hate for the ones that made me like this,I can't except the fact that the old me will never come back and I can't even be mad because of it,anyway let's just wait and see,also I'm done with all this night sweats and nightmares...okay I'm starting to be a cry baby,thank you anyway friend for the support,maybe with the time I will able to feel the hope

 

 

Well, you might be interested in this thread that FightingForHope started:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/11920-does-anyone-suffer-from-a-sort-of-intensified-impostor-syndrome/

 

There's a lot of insight that was discovered throughout that thread and it speaks to the blunted emotions of dp/dr and the profound loss of "identity". Definitely worth a read. 

 

The fact that you just said you're starting to "cry like a baby" means you're having some glimpses of your emotions coming back. That's a good sign. 

 

Hang in there, well. It does get better. 

 

sadly what I wanted to say is that I "cry like a baby" in a metaphor way,I mean I speak too much about my situation and how bad my situation is for me,sadly I still can't cry literally...I've read that topic but the question that interes me is why only I have problems with thinking?not slowly thinking,but just can't think at all,what is that?can this really be because of neuroleptics? I didn't discovered people with this problem,only with empty head,but some of them anyway can think,also I can't formulate phrases if someone ask me something,for exemple is if someone ask me how is my sister I can't tell them,because I don't even remember and can't even formulate something if I try,also can't make conclusions and my reasoning is gone but I guess thats the part of the thinking process...

[Shep]

All of that sounds like withdrawal syndrome, Well. At times, my mind goes completely blank. It was much, much worse in the first months I came off benzos and then coming off my last drug, an antipsychotic, made it even worse, which I didn't think was possible.

 

But it's getting better with time.

 

That's the thing about withdrawal - it's not permanent. It does get better with time. 

 

How are you doing now? 

[well]

All of that sounds like withdrawal syndrome, Well. At times, my mind goes completely blank. It was much, much worse in the first months I came off benzos and then coming off my last drug, an antipsychotic, made it even worse, which I didn't think was possible.

 

But it's getting better with time.

 

That's the thing about withdrawal - it's not permanent. It does get better with time.

 

How are you doing now?

I'm doing like every day,nothing changed,I can't even realize how many new songs are coming and how many old left and the fact that the old ones will never again feel the same it's killing me,I wanna have flashbacks of every song but every thing is sooo erased wich makes me think I will never have them again,I ask god every night why that happent to me? my personality was all I needed and was the only thing I was afraid to lost and look how life loves to **** us ironicaly,I think I will not be able to handle this if I will never be able to enjoy life the way I did,I hope at least you to enjoy life again,in my case I dont think people become like they was after all the memories and deep thoughts were erased like never happend,also I cant stop sweating at night,I'm just soooo done,I'm also afraid something will go wrong and will need to eat that crap again,maybe I'm too dramatic but that's it,how I will be able to wait at least 6 months if I'm at 2 months and already wanna do something to end all this,the only thing that stops it's the superficial memorie of the life I used to feel with so much emotions but again,how someone can live without memories of the past,things that represent them,do you know people with lost memories that used to get them back after droping the pills? Maybe after this I will have a hope...oh god look what I found on another site "Some things can't be reversed (like tardive dyskinezias, cognitive deficits etc. ), but others can, just work on your recovery, through good diet and better lifestyle. " they say cogbitive issues can't be reversed((((

[Ayaa]

Hi, well.

 

I'm very sorry you are suffering such heavy symptoms. Unfortunately most of people who take antipsychotics I am one of them too) have to pass through this terrible time. But fortunately our body and brain do recover and I hope eventually memory, feelings, thinking, sensations etc. – everything will come back. I am agreeing with advice about patience. For me it took about 4-5 months to feel human (before I was also feeling like a vegetable). I hope you also get better very soon.

[well]

Thank you,Ayaaa...so you recovered fully?that gives me hope...what about your memories?Also I like your photo very much...were time when I was collecting different beautiful photos..

[Ayaa]

Thank you,Ayaaa...so you recovered fully?that gives me hope...

 

 

I can’t say I am fully recovered. Sometimes I have ‘waves’, but these ‘waves’ are short and symptoms are not unbearable. During the waves I do not have dr/dp, brain fog, blurred vision etc. I am still suffering from paresthesia (magnesium perfectly helps me with it) and insomnia, getting tired very soon. But I think I am much better now, because I can function. I can think, concentrate and focus my attention, work… I got back my interests and hobbies, sense of humor (I hope ). I feel that slowly I am getting myself back.

 

what about your memories?

 

 

I had great problems with it, but now it is ok.

 

Also I like your photo very much...were time when I was collecting different beautiful photos..

 

 

Thank you, well. This is the fragment of painting by Vladimir Rumyantsev, he believes that cats of St.Petersburg know about life much more than we used to think    Here is the full picture:

 

 

Well, your situation is very difficult, but please hang on there. It will get better.

 

[well]

oh so you are russian? I kinda felt it from the beggining,I know russian too...thanks for the picture and good words and hope we will get better together

[Ayaa]

oh so you are russian? I kinda felt it from the beggining

 

Yes, I am from Moscow.

 

I know russian too...

 

 

I  have friends from Kishinev – they speak perfect Russian too.

 

Much to my surprise, there's a lot of russianspeaking people here. You’re the 8th person I meet on this forum May be it is time to create a check-in topic in Relationships?