DarkSoul: Hi everyone, this is my story

[Shep]

Soul, like many people on this forum, I was on these drugs for decades and like you, I started as a teenager. But I'm off them now and slowly healing. So none of this is permanent.

 

Repeat - none of this is permanent.

 

You strike me as a very wise Soul. You did a great job of research, you courageously reached out to us with your story, and you've educated your dad. Not many people can do that at only 14.  This is not something that anyone who is truly "mentally ill" could do, especially during the withdrawal period. 

 

Repeat - ​you are not mentally ill. You are very strong, courageous, and intelligent. 

 

Please let us know how you're doing. Very specific answers to questions like: Are you having any suicidal thoughts? Are you able to concentrate at school? How many hours a night are you sleeping?

 

Answering these questions will help answer your questions about whether a reinstatement is needed or whether you will be okay staying off the medication. 

 

Best of luck with your doctor appointment. MammaP gave you some great links to read over and hopefully you'll have time before your appointment. 

 

You won't go through this alone - we are all here for you to help you along as you heal. 

 

 

[JanCarol]

Hey Soul - have you been to the doc?  What did you find out? 

 

Were you able to keep a calm head in session?

 

(I have a memory of arguing with a Psych Nurse Practitioner, and she tried to use it as proof that I "needed more drugs," when really, I was just smarter than she was.  Not her fault - just the fault of the charts and tables and DSM that she was using.)

 

Anyhow, just saying hi, and hoping you are feeling better. 

 

That you have had windows is very promising.  

[scallywag]

Happy Birthday to a wise soul!

[DarkSoul]

Thank you shep for being positive and reminding me none of this is permanent. ive had an extremely awful day today. i was angry,  more numb than ever, and even thinking " wow this is not getting better at all. my life was magnificent before all this. maybe suicide is better. maybe i should try again in another life( if its even possible, which we dont know). this is just too painful to go on." it seemed like my anxiety and pent up emotions triggered this new wave. im sorry to sound so pessimistic, ive just never been in this much pain, its unbearable, it truly is. but i have to keep going, i guess...

 

anyways, the psych nurse was pointless, we know more about this than her. we just said "we are still going cold turkey", and that was it. thanks for saying hi.

 

and thanks for saying happy birthday. it means a lot.  

 

anyways, im feeling worse than ever. the windows still feel just as empty, but with a little less pain than a month ago. I DONT UNDERSTAND, THE PAIN HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR WAY TOO LONG!!! IVE ONLY BEEN ON FOR 2 MONTHS, SOME PEOPLE HAVE HAD THIS GO ON FOR DECADES! IVE NEVER SUFFERED THIS MUCH! I WANT THE BLISS I HAD BEFORE ALL THIS STARTED. I WANT MY OLD SELF BACK, MY KINDNESS, HUMOR, EMPATHY, MIND AND POSITIVITY BACK.  IM SPEECHLESS... TO THINK THOUSANDS OF OTHER ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME TYPE OF HELL , IT'S UNIMAGINABLE. good luck to every one else who is suffering 

[Farout]

Darksoul - it will absolutely, certainly come back.  The first couple of months are horrific.  There is absolutely no question about that.  You are coping well.  Keep holding on. It will pass and you will get back to yourself.

[LexAnger]

Hi Soul,

 

I feel your pain and frustration as I'm going through each day just like that for years!

Most of us suffering years are long term users. Your short term use should take much shorter time to recover! Your system probably was just striked by the foreign substance and is undergoing recovering now with the drug being moved quickly. There should be no real damage made in such a short time.

 

Keep the faith and try to be calm so your system can recover even faster.

Lex

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Hey soul, the 'old you' will return trust me it will because you are young and your young body will spring back.

 

This trying time will add an exquisite depth to your 'soul', you'll be able to caution your peers about the dangers of these drugs. And if they don't listen well you can just take it in stride because you know better. You will have walked to heck and back and survived to tell about it. You'll have that mature allure that will make you a chick magnet (if you like chicks) and a wisdom far beyond your years.

 

(That chick magnet remark was just to lighten things up in your 'dark' soul, ok?)

 

Don't panic, that's unnecessary, and don't listen to the "I've been this way forever and will never recover" stories. You have no idea what these people are truly referring to and to think it is going to happen to you just causes suffering unnecessarily.

 

It seems trite to say "Hang in there it will get better" but it is true. Stay off the drugs and you will recover. Each body reacts in a unique way to these things but there's a common thread , that's the part we know about and try to help you with.

 

You'd do well never trying ANY, uh, 'street' chemicals too, your system is likely not to react well from here on in. Just a wanna be mom's note of caution.

[mammaP]

CW is right Soul, you WILL recover from this. Those thoughts of suicide are not your thoughts, they are withdrawal and happen to most people at times. If you can distract yourself the thoughts will pass. Try to focus on what is happening around you, the sun, breeze, sky, how does it look, how does it feel. This is mindful meditation and has got me through some very dark thoughts.  Yes some people have suffered for decades but you can't compare yourself to them, everyone is different and there are different circumstances. There are many variables that can affect recovery. Many have been on the drugs for decades , lots of drugs over many years, but thankfully that is not likely to happen to you if you can stay calm. We have thousands of members who have moved on with their lives and got better, so don't think that because we have some who are struggling for years that it is going to happen to you. 

 

You are a very strong, intelligent young man who will get through this.  Try to imagine that you were in an accident, you have injuries that mean you will need physiotherapy but eventually by looking after yourself  and keeping up with the strengthening exercises you get better, the pain lessens and you get stronger.  With  good, simple food (not Mac D's every meal like my grandsons would given half the chance ) light exercise and a good sleep routine you will get recover from this. I can almost hear you saying that you would rather have broken bones, and I agree that would be easier to cope with, but this gets better too. 

 

Are you managing to go to school? The summer holidays are coming up soon, have you any plans? It would be good to have something to look forward to that wouldn't be too stressful.  Please hang in there, you have all of us here rooting for you and if thoughts could make you better you would be cured now! 

[DarkSoul]

dear everyone here. Your all perfectly correct with everything. i thank you for all the care and positivity you amazing people have shown. i need to stay strong and keep my mind in better places. it saddens me to imagine people who have had this devastation last for years, decades, and even the rest of their lives. im truly grateful for all your support and positivity, i truly am   im just going to keep going forwad in this dying body of mine. i might check in within a week, a month, or never. i care about you all but i feel like i understand that i shouldnt give up, read helpful articles, and to see that i might feel the euphoria i once constantly felt. it feels like something is blocking my mind and body from being what they once were but ill continue this journey.   it feels like its not changing so recently ive been a little sad. i remember the times as a child when my mind and body were so pure and filled with unimaginable bliss and feelings of love for everything that exists! id look at the beautiful sky, feel the warm calming breezes, hear the bids sing, and tell my family and friends, " i love everything, even those who are mean, we just have to accept everything as it is." i was 5! im looking back at my best days and wanting to cry(but cant) for all this undeserved suffering and loss of life and love. having my beautiful life brutally taken, my mind and body numb, my soul being suffocated, and my very essence lost in a storm of endless chaos and suffering. all my friends are gone or changed for the worse, my parents changed and turned to alcohol( and started verbally abusing me), my girlfriend moved states, my mind and body are dying as i write this... i have never felt this numb or sad. i cant put my feelings, mind, suffering, or my life on this forum, but i can tell you all, i loved it, everything i experienced.

 

 

i write this as a farewell to all who have helped. time isnt healing me. meditation. exercise. supplements. everything i try ceases to help. please keep these thoughts with you. be positive to yourself and all that is around you. be grateful for what you have been given and what you have expierienced throughout your life. imagine and help create a world with endless wisdom, beauty, and love for all.  Soul

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[AliG]

Soul.    Time does indeed heal .  You're young and are therefore understandably impatient to recover, but unfortunately it can take a little while longer than you would like . You have only been on the drugs a short while, so that factor combined with your youth is a definite  positive. It should hopefully be a fairly swift recovery.  You are doing well with your meditation , exercise etc. I would encourage you to keep that up , as it will benefit your healing and also give you tools to use in the future so as not to be reliant on drugs. 

You are doing so well. Please don't let a wave of anxiety and depression envelop you. IT'S TEMPORARY. It's withdrawal.

 

How did the visit with your Doctor go?  Have you thought about reinstatement of a small amount. It might make a difference to your mood and outlook.

 

If you are really struggling please reach out to friends /  family/ counselor , and let them know how you are feeling. Sometimes, just talking can help you through a temporary rough patch. There is a lot of support here, also.

Tomorrow , it will look a whole lot brighter.

 

Hugs,

Ali

[bubble]

You are a brave, wise and kind soul!

 

I felt pretty much similar to you in my early twenties after a neurologist gave me drugs to treat headache and stopped it after 3 months. It took a while but i started feeling myself again.

 

This is very difficult and it feels like it will never and but it does. I promise you.

 

Just do whatever it takes to survive this moment by moment.

 

As Ali said, if things feel unbearable reinstating 1 or even 0.5 mg might bring a relief you need.

 

Have no doubt in your mind that you will get better. This is a just a phase which lasts long and is very painful.

 

It makes us all very scared so everything you are going through is expected. You are being very brave. Just focus on one moment at a time. These waves pass and each time they are weaker. Your brain is healing like a broken bone. It takes time but it is happening.

 

Hugs to you

[Shep]

Having my beautiful life brutally taken, my mind and body numb, my soul being suffocated, and my very essence lost in a storm of endless chaos and suffering. all my friends are gone or changed for the worse, my parents changed and turned to alcohol( and started verbally abusing me), my girlfriend moved states, my mind and body are dying as i write this... i have never felt this numb or sad. i cant put my feelings, mind, suffering, or my life on this forum, but i can tell you all, i loved it, everything i experienced.

 

 

 

Hi, Soul. I hope you're hanging in there and taking good care of yourself.

 

Do you have a counselor you can talk to about your parents' alcohol use and other issues you're dealing with? A counselor who cannot prescribe meds would be best, of course.

 

Right now, you are viewing all of these bad things through the dark lens of withdrawal, which makes it all a million times worse. But the problems you're describing are very real and having someone to talk to may be extremely helpful.

 

 

 

i write this as a farewell to all who have helped. time isnt healing me.

 

This comment really concerns me, Soul. You mention having suicidal thoughts and now writing a "farewell" and the comment that time isn't healing you. Are you having strong suicidal thoughts?

 

This will get better in time, but perhaps having someone "safe" to talk to in person will be of comfort.  Your life is very valuable and we want you to be safe. As you can see from the number of caring responses you've already gotten, we do care about you.

 

AliG and Bubble mentioned a small reinstatement may help if you are still struggling, so please let us know how you are doing.

[scallywag]

DearSoul,  As Shep suggested, hang in there. I've felt and thought the exact same things you are feeling and thinking now.  It's awful and it does pass. You're not going to feel this way forever.

 

If you can't think of anybody to talk to or find a counsellor, please consider a distress/crisis line. I just did a web search and found one offered by The Family Service Agency of the Central Coast covering Santa Cruz County, CA :

 

1-(877)-663-5433.

 

From the web page:

 

When you call our 24-hour multilingual suicide crisis line, you will be connected to someone who is compassionate, supportive, and accepting of anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts or a general life crisis.

 

You are loved and valued.  The experience of beauty in life will return to you.

[AliG]

Soul.  Obviously you have made an impact on us here and we care very much . Please just get some rest , and check in tomorrow. You have a lot of love and support.

Ali

[mammaP]

Please don't give up Soul, you will get through this horrendous time and become an incredible man who will make someone an amazing husband and father. 

You are grieving, grieving for your lost childhood, for your parents who have disappeared into a bottle, for your girlfriend who has left you behind and for your own sanity. 

Grieving on it's own is very hard but yours is complicated by withdrawal.  This is an iatragenic illness that you are suffering from and is making your grief even harder.  IT WILL GET BETTER, just like other many illnesses it will run it's course.  When my daughter was 14 she was diagnosed with ME. She was so very very ill and all the time said she wanted to die and couldn't live in her broken down body. She couldn't go out, or go to school, was in pain and having seizures, I had disappeared into a paxil bottle and her dad had died. 

Her illness was disabling, but the hours ticked by, days turned onto weeks, which turned into months  and years but all the time she was getting better by taking care of herself and accepting that this was going to last awhile.  4 years on and she was back to normal. What is tragic is that yours was caused by a drug that doctors gave to you then snatched away but it will get better and is not at all likely to last for many years. 

 

When you were 5 you looked at the sky, the birds and nature, they are all still there in all their beauty, you will feel the joy of seeing them again, and when you do it will feel like you have been given something priceless, the ability to feel their beauty again.  

 

Do you have any prozac left?  I agree that  even a tiny 0.5 mg might help and you can make a liquid by dissolving a tablet in water to get the tiny dose and use an oral medicine syringe which can be obtained from a pharmacy, usually they will give them  free. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

 

We are your online family and are here for you, keep us posted how you are.  Sending a huge squishy Mamma hug. 

[Shep]

Hi, Soul.

 

Checking in on you. I hope you are feeling better. 

 

I came across a website that looked like a good resource for you. You seem to have a special connection to the "beautiful sky" and the "warm gentle breeze" as you've written about. Some people who have this special connection are able to use this journey as a gateway into mindfulness. This is a mindfulness site for teens you might enjoy: 

 

http://mindfulnessforteens.com/

 

Please check in and let us know how you're doing. Sending healing vibes your way. This does get better. A lot better. 

[DarkSoul]

thank you all so much, truly. your tips, support, and stories are always appreciated. mammap, your story really touched me. i couldnt imagine the pain you must have been through. i wish i could hug you. anyways, i dont know why i was so dramatic in my last post... i guess i was just very hopeless that day. but a few things id like to ask you wonderful people.will these recover???? 1 loss of any positive emotion  2 insomnia 3 sexual issues 4 memory 5 my serotonin and other feel good neurotransmitters 6 burning feelings when i go in the sun 7 my young and still forming brain 8 my personality 9 can i still reinstate and how much should i take 10 headaches/ dizziness 

 

i know its a lot but can you answer these very serious questions? i understand you all say to wait and eventually it will get better but truthfully within these over 60 days, it hasnt gotten any better!!! if anything its like it gets worse and worse! i hate being so negative, but its getting harder to find myself and my positivity (if theres any left). is reinstating prozac or lexapro an option still? i cant take this pain, i feel like im dying as every second passes. i dont know who i am or what i was anymore.    

[DarkSoul]

also my mom says she is thankful for all your support and that she loves you all

[mammaP]

Hi Soul, the answer to all your questions is YES, you will recover all those things as you heal. It will take time, just as my daughter's M.E took time but yours should not last so long, this is your first time with the drugs and you had a bad reaction when lexapro was added,. There is every reason to be hopeful of a good recovery for you. You must take care of yourself though, the raves and rock concerts, alcohol and parties  will have to go on hold for a while    .  

 

You need food that is nutritious and some exercise. Walking, cycling or swimming are perfect. Some people say they feel better for strenuous exercise but many find they feel  worse after so go steady and build up. 

 

You could reinstate a tiny dose of prozac, we would suggest 0.5mg. You can dissolve a tablet in water to get that small dose. I find that bottled water dissolves mine better than tap water.  If you use 50ml of water to one 10mg tablet, then take 2.5ml. you can get an oral medicine syringe from the pharmacy, they give them away usually.  You can save the rest and take 2.5 per day and reassess after a week.

 

 If you feel any worse you must stop. 

 

Let us know how it goes,  hugs for your mom too. 

[Altostrata]

also my mom says she is thankful for all your support and that she loves you all

 

We love your mom for understanding that drugs may not be the answer for you, Soul.

 

Are you getting plenty of fresh veggies, fruit, and good protein? Are you getting out in the fresh air everyday for a walk, for at least a half-hour?

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

How have your symptoms gotten worse?

[DarkSoul]

Ok mammap I'll lay low and next time I see my doctor I'll ask about the Prozac and do as you say. Thanks for the tips mamma, hugs. And to alto. Yes I'm getting good organic food and I try to go on as many walks as my body lets me. Also my mom has been giving me fish oil and magnesium for years and years now. But honestly my symptoms seem mostly the same. I still have mild headaches and dizziness, my personality is still fading, burning feelings when I go in the sun, memory is still bad, my sexual issues have recovered a little, strange half awake half asleep insomnia, and the terrifying lack of positive emotion. I can't tell if the symptoms are getting worse or my mind is playing tricks but ya this lack of emotion is really scaring me. Thanks, soul

[DarkSoul]

So ya, my symptoms don't feel like they are improving. I'm taking fish oil, magnesium, inositol, b 6, b 12, and multi vitamins. Trying to keep my nervous system calm and hopefully with good food, supplements, and exercise I'll recover sooner. I've been reading articles talking about the brain never fully recovering from taking antidepressants, especially when cold turkey,and just worrying myself for no reason I guess. Anyways, What's your personal experiences with recovering. Is it like your reborn? Worse off? Better off? like somethings off with your body and mind? I'm just wondering because I can't wait to recover and feel like my happy and positive old self. Bye, soul

[DarkSoul]

Hey guys I'm seeing my psych nurse tomorrow and I'm wondering whether my reinstatement of Prozac should be .5 mg or 1 mg. what if the reinstatement goes good, neutral, or bad? I guess increase if it's good, ask you guys why I feel nothing, and obviously stop if it's bad. Any advice is always appreciated by you guys. Wish you love, soul

[Shep]

Hi, Soul. I hope this reaches you before your appointment.

 

I would recommend starting at .5 mg to be on the safe side. That way, if the reinstatement doesn't work out, you won't have so much medication in your system. And there will be less to taper off from.

 

Here are a couple of links for you and your parents to read over:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Tips for tapering off Prozac (fluoxetine)

 

Prozac comes in a liquid, which would be ideal for this type of small dose. I hope your psych nurse will write you a script for the liquid and make it as easy on you as possible. 

 

It takes at least 4 days for your system to register the reinstatement. Below is some important information from the "About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms" thread. 

 

It may take awhile for all of this to resolve, Soul, but please remember you are not "broken". You are just in transition. At the end of this dark journey is a beautiful light and a wonderful life ahead of you. You won't have to make the same mistakes a lot of us made. So please hang in there.

 

 

 

 

 

How long should you give reinstatement?

• It takes at least 4 days for your body to fully register the addition of a neuroactive drug. Unless you have an immediate bad reaction, observe your symptom pattern for about a week to see if the reinstatement is helping. If you have an immediate bad reaction, reduce or stop taking the drug.

• After reinstatement, the amount of time needed to alleviate withdrawal symptoms (stabilizing) varies according to the individual. Relief can be felt immediately, after some weeks, or after some months.

• Once you feel withdrawal symptoms are reduced after reinstatement, give your nervous system time to stabilize before attempting dosage reduction. Think in terms of months, not days.

• Be patient after you reinstate. Reinstatement may not immediately eliminate all withdrawal symptoms. You may still experience waves of symptoms, which usually lessen as time goes on.

• The dose needed for effective reinstatement varies according to the individual.

When to discontinue reinstatement

If, upon reinstatement, you very soon feel worse, most likely you are sensitized to the drug and need to take a smaller dosage or, possibly, none at all.

• Sometimes reinstatement does not work. The nervous system has taken such a hard hit from withdrawal, it's destabilized beyond whatever effect the drug might have had.

• Sometimes reinstatement not only does not work, it causes an adverse reaction from a nervous system sensitized by withdrawal.

• If you have an immediate bad reaction, reduce or stop taking the drug.

 

[apace41]

what if the reinstatement goes good, neutral, or bad? I guess increase if it's good, ask you guys why I feel nothing, and obviously stop if it's bad.

 

Soul,

 

Further to Shep's response (with which I agree as to the .5 reinstatement), if you feel good upon reinstatement then you do nothing further until sometime down the road when you are stable and can slowly taper off the .5.  If you don't feel good after the 4-5 days Shep indicates then you can increase the dosage to 1mg and see how you do on that.  The goal is to test the reinstatement and find a level that is the lowest possible level to get you to a point of stability where the withdrawal symptoms are minimized.  If you feel a strong adverse reaction that is the point when you would discontinue the reinstatement.

 

As always, Soul, we will be here to give you feedback as you go forward.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[JanCarol]

Hey Soul - I hope your visit to the doc turns out in your favor.

 

IF IT DOESN'T and you are disappointed in doc/psych nurse again, please consider that if you go to an emergency room and claim "serotonin withdrawal" they may give you the prozac you need, and you can make your own liquid:How to Make a Liquid from Tablets or Capsule

 

Over the coming months, your symptoms will ebb and change.  Like the rubik's cube, you may feel you have to go backwards in order to solve the puzzle.  This is NORMAL for withdrawal.  Withdrawal comes in Waves and Windows. 

 

As your symptoms change, it may help you to track your symptoms on a worksheet.  Here is a list of symptoms.  If you get a new symptom, please check the checklist to see if if is there.  If it is not, just ask - the list has most symptoms, but not all are possible to list:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2390-dr-joseph-glenmullens-withdrawal-symptom-checklist/

 

You can print out several pages, and track your symptoms on a daily or weekly basis (I prefer weekly, so that I can see a bigger difference), and watch your progress as you "regrow your brain."  Think of it like this:  when you have a symptom, that means that part of your system is "offline" for healing.  Just because you don't have access to it right now, doesn't mean it is gone.  It is just closed for repair - and it is healing, repairing.  When you feel a symptom, you can say to yourself:  this is withdrawal, I am healing.  It will help.

 

For me, coming out of the drugs was like walking out of a deep, dark tar pit.  For awhile, I couldn't see or feel anything but dark, sticky, thick tar all around me.  But at some point, my head poked out of the tar and I could feel a breeze in my hair.  Then, my eyes came out, and I started to "see" again.  Gradually, as my senses and body freed itself from the sticky mess of drugs, I could move more freely, feel more openly, sense and take pleasure in senses.  I'm still about knee deep in the muck - but getting better regularly, and have enough freedom that I will never go back.

 

I'm not the same person that went into the muck - but your adventure in the drugs was 1/100th of the time that I was on them.  You are likely to retain more of your original self than I did.  I was on and off drugs for 25-30 years.  So - just be kind and patient to yourself (this will help too).  

 

It may also help you to follow your pleasure.  It may be simple things, like listening to birdsong or music.  Maybe it will be watching the cartoons you enjoyed as a child (many of us find these childhood TV shows quite soothing and pleasurable!), or maybe you can take pleasure in art and anime, while you are waiting to feel, waiting to heal.

 

It does get better - follow your pleasure, and you will start to string together moments of brightness like diamonds on a strand.  It will seem like just a little here or there - until you realize - you are whole again.  And you will be so grateful.  It does get better!

[Shep]

So ya, my symptoms don't feel like they are improving. I'm taking fish oil, magnesium, inositol, b 6, b 12, and multi vitamins. Trying to keep my nervous system calm and hopefully with good food, supplements, and exercise I'll recover sooner. I've been reading articles talking about the brain never fully recovering from taking antidepressants, especially when cold turkey,and just worrying myself for no reason I guess. Anyways, What's your personal experiences with recovering. Is it like your reborn? Worse off? Better off? like somethings off with your body and mind? I'm just wondering because I can't wait to recover and feel like my happy and positive old self. Bye, soul

 

 

Hi, Soul. Just a quick thought on supplements. Many people do find fish oil and magnesium to be helpful, but some people find B vitamins to cause problems with anxiety and insomnia. B vitamins can rev up these kinds of activating symptoms. 

 

Let us know how your appointment went. 

[DarkSoul]

Sounds good sheep and andy, .5 mg it is. And jancarol, what you wrote was beautiful. I'll gladly write the worksheet and see how many symptoms change around. And now I kind of understand, the parts of my brain that took the hardest hits are temporarily off because they were damaged quite immensely and just need time to heal. Interesting. And eventually I'll start to see positive changes. Nice to hear, it gives me more hope. I love the support and optimism, from all of you. also, I'll be sure to follow my passion and keep going forward, as dark and never ending as it seems, there's always light at the end. Good luck to you all, Soul

[Altostrata]

Ok mammap I'll lay low and next time I see my doctor I'll ask about the Prozac and do as you say. Thanks for the tips mamma, hugs. And to alto. Yes I'm getting good organic food and I try to go on as many walks as my body lets me. Also my mom has been giving me fish oil and magnesium for years and years now. But honestly my symptoms seem mostly the same. I still have mild headaches and dizziness, my personality is still fading, burning feelings when I go in the sun, memory is still bad, my sexual issues have recovered a little, strange half awake half asleep insomnia, and the terrifying lack of positive emotion. I can't tell if the symptoms are getting worse or my mind is playing tricks but ya this lack of emotion is really scaring me. Thanks, soul

 

Soul, I'm going to be honest. Because you had such a severe adverse reaction to Lexapro, I'm dubious about reinstating any serotonergic. But if you feel you must try it, 0.5mg Prozac is probably the best choice.

 

The symptoms you describe are very typical of how people feel after going off an antidepressant because of a severe adverse reaction. From what we see, even if the exposure was short, recovery can take many months and is very gradual.

 

Given you're so young, this might seem impossible to you. Please don't be impatient, you will heal.

 

If you feel uncomfortable in the sun, stay out of the sun. You may be hypersensitive to sunlight or heat right now. If you take care of your sensitive nervous system, this will get better.

 

 

Hey guys I'm seeing my psych nurse tomorrow and I'm wondering whether my reinstatement of Prozac should be .5 mg or 1 mg. what if the reinstatement goes good, neutral, or bad? I guess increase if it's good, ask you guys why I feel nothing, and obviously stop if it's bad. Any advice is always appreciated by you guys. Wish you love, soul

 

Please let us know how you're doing.

[DarkSoul]

Ok here's an update on what's going on. We went to the psych nurse and talked about all I'm going through. She said a few things I'm a little annoyed about. I should stop going online and researching this stuff, it seems too obsessive and I should definitely stop it. She told me they don't taper Prozac because of its long half life, even though I still had lexapro in my system, that's why they didn't taper me. She even said they feed this poison to babies! I told her I wanted .5mg of Prozac but she said "I won't feel anything and I should l try 5 or 10 mg. she finally said fine if that's what you want, but .5 mg is such as small dose, that it's the size we use for babies." I was thinking, "BABIES!? They give this poison to babies? This is should be illegal, messing with innocent and pure babies brains, why would they do this???" Anyways, that's basically how it went. She prescribed 1.2 mg, so I'll just take around half of that... Unless you guys think I should take it with more accuracy. Thanks for the help. Also like alto said, since I had such a severe reaction I don't know if I should do this. But if it eases my emptiness and pains that these pills caused, I'm willing to try a small dose. I'm always grateful and happy you wonderful people are helping not only me but many others going through this. I can't wait to feel anything again. Thanks a million, soul.

[DarkSoul]

Hi this is soul's mom and I want to add my thoughts on how the appointment went today with the psych nurse. I would appreciate Alto's advice: Jaz was on Prozac for two months, 10 mg. for the first month and 20 mg. for the second month. However during the eighth week Jaz stopped taking the Prozac because it was not helping him and the doctor prescribed Lexapro 10 MG. He took Lexapro for less than a week. The psych nurse said she met with her panel including the psychiatrist and has researched as well as spoken with them and was not able to find anyone who had AWS after taking Prozac for two months. Do you know of any cases where someone has reacted after taking Prozac for two months at Jaz's dose? Please respond as soon as you can as this has me quite concerned. I am not sure if Jaz is suffering from recurrent depression or from AWS. Either way he is not well and we are doing everything in our power to help him without giving him a high dose of antidepressants, except for reinstating. We are also going to try neurofeedback. He is taking 12 g. Of inositol, omega-3's, homeopathy, magnesium and counseling. It has been 9 1/2 weeks since Jaz has been off of his meds. Once again thank you for all of your support.

[JanCarol]

Hey Soul and Mom:

 

We have seen people have AWS, symptoms and effects with less than a week on the drugs, if they are sensitive.  Even Prozac.  I had frank hallucinations when I was in my 20's on only a week of Prozac.  The hallucinations were clear and persistent, didn't go away when I turned my head or blinked or anything.  

 

Just because they psych nurse "hasn't seen it" doesn't mean she knows how to recognize it.  They aren't trained for this - they are trained in prescribing, not in unprescribing.  Their training is largely established by the drug companies and their prescribing charts and "recommendations," and studies which are short term and dubious.  I can send you to lots of esteemed writers and doctors who can verify this - but I recommend you please read "Anatomy of an Epidemic" by Robert Whitaker first.  I can list dozens of books, reports, about the corruption of profit in medicine, and the affect it is having on our health and our societies.  The psych nurse isn't to blame - it's not just one rotten apple - it's the system of creating illness.  Of medicalizing life's emotions - which are, sometimes, extreme.

 

One doctor in England, Ben Goldacre, has been speaking out against the corruption of medicine.  Here is a short talk about what doctors don't know about the drugs they prescribe:  https://www.ted.com/talks/ben_goldacre_what_doctors_don_t_know_about_the_drugs_they_prescribe?language=en .  This is just one short example, of which I have dozens, maybe hundreds.

 

I could go on, but if you read "Anatomy of an Epidemic," you will have a better idea of why the psych nurse was bamboozled by the request for 0.5 mg.

 

DarkSoul will not know what his native state is, until he has been free of the drugs for at least 6 months.  Better at a year.  By then, hopefully, he will have had the opportunity to explore Non Drug Techniques for Coping with Emotional Symptoms and will be able to manage his mood without drugs.  The drugs only cover up the mood, they don't solve the problems.  If there is a persistent stress or trauma, then it needs to be addressed, as well.  A depression is your body's way of telling you that this situation isn't working for you - and it is often pointing out ways that things need to change.  How much harder is that for a minor, who has very little control over his situation, his school, etc. - and for whom everything is larger than life due to adolescent hormonal and emotional changes?

 

You both may benefit from reading:  Is It Relapse or Withdrawal?

 

Additionally, 12g of inositol is quite high, and could be activating and contributing to his symptoms.  Natural practitioners are just as guilty as the Allopathic ones for trying to intervene and "do something" when really, waiting is the best plan.  Most depressions clear after 6 months of doing nothing.  Please read more about inositol here:  Vitamin B8 (inositol)

 

In a normal, healthy situation (without the psych drugs) the inositol and niacin, and vitamin C and other strategies can be quite successful.  But once you throw a psych drug into the mix, the brain has been changed and might be sensitive to these substances for awhile.  It's better to 3 KIS's Keep It Simple, Slow, Stable and only change one variable at a time, so that you know what is helping and what is not.

 

I'm sorry that this is a medical experiment of n=1, but that is what has happened to so many of us.

 

There are no guarantees that .5 mg will help the symptoms, or 1 mg, or = ? All we can do is try simple, small things, and it will point in the direction of what will help the most.

 

It sounds like the psych nurse has prescribed 1.2 mg.  Cutting that in half will be a good start, it's worth a try.  We were just looking for a tiny dose, to see if it offered any relief, and how much relief it offered. 

 

DarkSoul's Mum - I'm grateful that you came in here to look at what your son is finding.  We are real people, who have been through this ourselves - most of us had to do this by walking away from the system, and most of us have benefited greatly from doing so.

 

Please let us know what you decide, and how it goes, and I will forward your question to Alto for further consideration.

[mammaP]

Hello Mom and Jaz. I am so glad that  Mom has joined us, it is always better to include parents in discussions and we welcome your input. I would like to add some more information, Jancarol has covered a lot of things, there are so many things that we have discovered through research and share here, as well as our personal experiences.  

 

"I am not sure if Jaz is suffering from recurrent depression or from AWS."

 

It has been proved that depression is not a chemical imbalance in the brain, that has to be corrected with drugs. This is a myth that has been spread by the drug companies to sell their drugs and is no longer acceptable. young people today are under immense pressure to study, do well, decide a career that will affect the rest of their lives. Peer pressure to get involved with all manner of things that weren't issues  years ago. Families may  break down on top of all that and when they start to struggle, they react. Behaviour changes and/or they become 'depressed', all normal reactions to stress that could be treated with love, understanding and the right counselling. Instead they are labelled mentally ill by psychiatrists and drugged.  You will find links to studies and papers dispelling the myth here..

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4291-again-chemical-imbalance-is-a-myth-stop-the-lies-please/

 

It was not helping because it was not what was needed, and he told us of of side effects that suggested he was reacting to it. .  When lexapro was prescribed he quickly had a reaction. We were very reluctant to suggest reinstatement but  there is just a chance that it might help the withdrawal at a very tiny dose and half the1,2 dose might help.  Many people become sensitive to a drug after being off for a while and react to the same doses they were on previously. We have members who were reinstated by doctors to previous doses and suffering badly, even worse than the withdrawal that led them to reinstate. 

A very tiny dose may help some, and that would be great, if it makes anything worse it is important to stop immediately and not to try and push through the side effects.  It is distressing for everyone, we really feel for you Soul, and feel for mom also because it is torture seeing your child suffering and the natural thing to do is to reach for something that will take the suffering away. It will  be several months, or longer but it seems there is slight improvement which is a very good sign. Tapering the tiny dose will take over a year to avoid further withdrawal,  it is painstaking and slow but if it helps it is worth it. Stopping again will be going back to square one! 

 

This is not just withdrawal it is also adverse reaction to the drugs, which is why we are being very cautious here, we don't want to recommend anything that could make it worse. 

 

It is important that you all research the links we have provided, so you can work together and get through this. Sometimes reinstating doesn't help and time is the only cure. Our brains are trying to repair themselves from the effects of drugs, there will be some bad waves, and some better days but eventually will be a normal brain. All of us here have had to look at ways of dealing with whatever was in our lives that led to taking the drugs, our brains are remarkable but struggle in adverse conditions and need to be taken care of.  

 

Sorry this is so long, I hope you managed to get through it. Alto will be here later to add her thoughts too. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Ok here's an update on what's going on. We went to the psych nurse and talked about all I'm going through. She said a few things I'm a little annoyed about. I should stop going online and researching this stuff, it seems too obsessive and I should definitely stop it. She told me they don't taper Prozac because of its long half life, even though I still had lexapro in my system, that's why they didn't taper me. She even said they feed this poison to babies! I told her I wanted .5mg of Prozac but she said "I won't feel anything and I should l try 5 or 10 mg. she finally said fine if that's what you want, but .5 mg is such as small dose, that it's the size we use for babies." I was thinking, "BABIES!? They give this poison to babies? This is should be illegal, messing with innocent and pure babies brains, why would they do this???" Anyways, that's basically how it went. She prescribed 1.2 mg, so I'll just take around half of that... Unless you guys think I should take it with more accuracy. Thanks for the help. Also like alto said, since I had such a severe reaction I don't know if I should do this. But if it eases my emptiness and pains that these pills caused, I'm willing to try a small dose. I'm always grateful and happy you wonderful people are helping not only me but many others going through this. I can't wait to feel anything again. Thanks a million, soul.

 

Soul, if you have Prozac liquid, you can titrate it to any amount. As I have said up above, I believe you are suffering the aftereffects of a severe adverse reaction to an SSRI (Lexapro). Taking any amount of another SSRI (Prozac) may or may not relieve this. A very small amount, such as 0.5mg, is the safest way to test your reaction.

 

Hi this is soul's mom and I want to add my thoughts on how the appointment went today with the psych nurse. I would appreciate Alto's advice: Jaz was on Prozac for two months, 10 mg. for the first month and 20 mg. for the second month. However during the eighth week Jaz stopped taking the Prozac because it was not helping him and the doctor prescribed Lexapro 10 MG. He took Lexapro for less than a week. The psych nurse said she met with her panel including the psychiatrist and has researched as well as spoken with them and was not able to find anyone who had AWS after taking Prozac for two months. Do you know of any cases where someone has reacted after taking Prozac for two months at Jaz's dose? Please respond as soon as you can as this has me quite concerned. I am not sure if Jaz is suffering from recurrent depression or from AWS. Either way he is not well and we are doing everything in our power to help him without giving him a high dose of antidepressants, except for reinstating. We are also going to try neurofeedback. He is taking 12 g. Of inositol, omega-3's, homeopathy, magnesium and counseling. It has been 9 1/2 weeks since Jaz has been off of his meds. Once again thank you for all of your support.

 

Hello, Soul's mom. Thank you for joining us here and being so caring about your son.

 

Because the drug companies have for so long controlled the information that psychiatrists get, the risk of withdrawal syndrome has been de-emphasized and case reports largely hidden. In fact, this entire site, particularly the topics in the Introductions forum, is intended to provide that documentation -- detailed reports from patients about psychiatric drug withdrawal syndrome. There are thousands of reports here.

 

Because of drug company influence, doctors very strongly believe that antidepressant withdrawal symptoms are mild and transient and anything that lasts longer than a few weeks is "relapse", even though the symptom pattern is very different from the patient's original state.

 

In fact, it wasn't until 2001 that a class action lawsuit forced GlaxoSmithKline to put the black box warning about withdrawal syndrome on Paxil; later, the FDA required it on almost every new psychiatric drug. See History of the black box warning on antidepressants about "discontinuation syndrome"

 

However, I don't think Jaz is suffering from withdrawal syndrome. Also, it's pretty clear that Jaz is not suffering from garden-variety return of "depression" because he says it's not like the way he used to feel. His current state cannot be a relapse of a prior state because it's not like the prior state. It's something that's been brought on by the drugs.

 

Some people have very bad reactions to antidepressants after only a few pills. Their nervous systems just do not get along with the chemicals. Even after they stop, their nervous systems need to recover from the upset. They have what looks like withdrawal syndrome and recover in the same slow, frustrating way. We have several people who had this kind of immediate over-reaction to serotonergics.

 

Those people should never take a serotonergic drug again.

 

I don't know if Jaz is one of those people, but he has had a very bad reaction to Lexapro.

 

It is very well know that antidepressants can be dangerous to adolescents. They can be too strong for children. The FDA put a "black box" warning on them, see http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/child-and-adolescent-mental-health/antidepressant-medications-for-children-and-adolescents-information-for-parents-and-caregivers.shtml

 

In my opinion, Jaz is not suffering from withdrawal syndrome per se, unless it is withdrawal from his initial two months on Prozac. Rather, he is suffering from adverse effects of the Lexapro. Lexapro is several times stronger than Prozac, he also started Lexapro while Prozac was still in his body. The two drugs overlapped. (Prozac has a very long half-life.)

 

This adverse reaction is known as Serotonin Syndrome or Serotonin Toxicity This happens when someone is taking more than one serotonergic drug, taking drugs that conflict, or is taking a dose that is too strong. We have several people here who have suffered this. I had it myself, from 10mg Lexapro.

 

In my opinion, and I am by no means a medical professional, Jaz is most likely suffering the after-effects of serotonin toxicity. The symptoms are similar to some that might be withdrawal symptoms. But when a nervous system is very sensitive and has been walloped by TOO MUCH of an antidepressant, I wouldn't want to take any more. We very often recommend gentle, non-drug methods to assist healing, see our Symptoms and Self-care forum  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/for suggestions about how to cope with symptoms.

 

I know Jaz is very distressed, these odd sensations are difficult and frightening even for adults. A sympathetic counselor would be vastly preferable to experimenting with drugs to repair a condition caused by a bad drug reaction.

 

I applaud your psychiatrist's trying to find more information about Lexapro withdrawal (there are many papers about withdrawal syndrome in our From journals and scientific sources forum. His open-mindedness and concern is rare.

[SquirrellyGirl]

DarkSoul, how are you doing these days?

 

SG

[DarkSoul]

Wow it's been a while since I posted. Glad to be back. To update on what's been going on. My mind and body are still numb and my body still feels just awful. I can't tell if I'm even recovering. My dad has been getting worse with verbal abuse so I've moved away to my moms. I feel like I'm starting to lose my sanity. I'm gonna start taking 5htp and maybe do some exercise tomorrow. My personality isn't there. I'm lost in every way you can be mentally. Physically, I feel no emotion. During times where I should have intense emotions of joy sadness etc. my brain hurts like crazy. It's like something is being blocked. Life was true bliss, every second was pure joy. I feel like before all this, I was a pretty happy guy. Honestly my life even when I was "depressed" was unbelievably joyful. I understand you guys are gonna say it's gonna get better, but I truly don't know if it's getting better anymore. If that's true, I guess I can still hopefully find something that I love, that helps myself, and others...