☼ O2bhappy: 9 months off Prozac - does it get any better?

[keepinghope]

I'm done feeling bad too. I'll be angry and restless, then switch to crying, unable to get out of bed or face the world. Sometimes in the same day. And then the ruminating thoughts, over and over, always worry and anxiety. It's awful, this withdrawal is just awful. But when we're through it, how much stronger we'll be. 

 

Keep going, you're not alone, we're all on the path with you. Hiking through remote, inhospitable terrain, on the way to Shangri-La! 

[O2bhappy]

Flowers -

 

Thank you so much for the internet hug.  I greatly appreciate it. 

 

It is hard when you are having these "feelings" to remember they are just feelings.  They seem so much more powerful when you are experiencing them.  I hate that every day seems to be a struggle.  In the big picture I know it really isn't that big of a struggle compared to what others endure, but to me it is my own real struggle. 

 

I miss those days when I felt good all the time.

[O2bhappy]

scallywag -

 

Some days I can remind myself that how I feel is caused by my withdrawal but other days it is more difficult.  I have days when I tell myself this is withdrawal from taking Prozac then I get very angry with myself for taking the medicine.  Getting angry with myself just makes things worse.  I tend to yell at myself and start crying...not helpful. 

 

I like the laxative making you poop comment.  It made me laugh and I needed the laugh.   

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

Yes.  My anger has been replaced with crying.  I cry everyday for no reason.  It isn't the uncontrollable crying that I had months ago.  I get a wave come over me and I start crying.  It is like a wave I get before having a hot flash.  Some times I am able to control the crying, other times it goes on all day long.  I don't feel depressed.  I just cry.  I still get angry, but not that often. 

[O2bhappy]

keepinghope -

 

 I'll be angry and restless, then switch to crying, unable to get out of bed or face the world. Sometimes in the same day. And then the ruminating thoughts, over and over, always worry and anxiety. It's awful, this withdrawal is just awful. But when we're through it, how much stronger we'll be. 

 

I can totally relate.  It is awful. 

 

Have you noticed that time seems very slow when you don't feel well.  One week seems like a month to me.  I have days where an hour will pass and I would have thought it was three.  Then I can't remember what I did the other day and I get upset with myself because my memory is awful now. 

 

I would probably be much better if I could just laugh at how I am feeling, but I can't.  Maybe the carefree attitude I had while taking Prozac would help me with w/d but that means I would have to be back on Prozac to have that attitude.  Ugh. 

[keepinghope]

I'm the opposite, I feel like time is going too fast and I just want to slow everything down. But it's all whizzing past me, out of control.

I can't be carefree about withdrawal or myself either. I blow every little issue or symptom up, until it's bigger than me. I had a bad night's sleep last night, and that never helps.

My memory has deteriorated a lot. I can't remember things I should at work, I'll start talking and forget what I was going to say, it feels like my brain's taken a holiday sometimes.

[O2bhappy]

keepinghope -

 

I think the reason that time moves so slow for me is that I do not work.  I have a tremendous amount of free time on my hands and all I do is focus on how I feel.  I should be taking all the free time I have and doing things in my house.  Being in withdrawal I have lost all motivation.

 

I am sorry you had a bad night sleep.  That does make it worse.  You need sleep to heal, but getting sleep during withdrawal is hard.

 

I completely understand  about not remembering things.  I went to write something down this morning and before I could grab a pencil I forgot what I wanted to write down.  I started crying because it upsets me so much that my memory is gone.  I use to have a great memory, not anymore.  I have to write everything day or I will forget. 

[grandmaD]

The reason I asked about the cycle was that I once saw someone else post they fluctuated between anxiety (which could be the anger) and depression (could be the crying).  If I recall, this was towards the end of their withdrawal and one day the person said they woke up and it was all gone.  So I am wondering if that is what is happening with you - that perhaps these things will cycle for a while and then suddenly be gone.

 

If any mods read this, can you verify that this is a cycle at the end of withdrawal - the anxiety vs depression cycle, that is>?

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

That would be wonderful if this means I am nearing the end of my withdrawal.  When I was having the anger issues I would feel angry all day and it is the same thing with the sadness.  I feel sad all day and I cry throughout the day.

[O2bhappy]

I would like to know what is going on with me.  I have noticed over the past month that I not only keep comparing myself to people but I look at people and think about their lives.  I never did the before.  It is like I will look at someone and wonder about their past and how they grew up and what they have done with their lives.  Why am I doing this???  It is frustrating me.  Is it because I am currently not really living my life because of withdrawal?  I know I shouldn't compare myself with someone else because you never know what someone is going through.  I just wish I knew what was causing me to do this.

 

Anyone else experience this?  Is it withdrawal?  Will it go away?  Any advice would be greatly appreciated it!

[AliG]

0.  I see this as being like traveling at night with low beam. You can only see a little in front of you and yet you inherently know that the road is there in front of you.

 

Even though you can't see it , you have faith that it's there and it will eventually take you to your final destination. 

 

You keep going even though you can't see the light at the end.

 

I think this is possibly a withdrawal symptom and will improve over time.

[O2bhappy]

AliG-

 

I understand what you are saying, but I still don't understand why I am doing what I am doing.  I think if I had a better understanding of why I am looking at everyone else's life that I would be able to deal with this better.  This isn't normal behavior. 

[scallywag]

The human mind wanders. Thoughts come and go. Maybe it's a self-protecting distraction for you. Maybe it's a focus that will shift in a few weeks. You get to decide the meaning of it and whether to let the thoughts float past you, to engage them or to resist them.

[Flowers]

Hi O2b

 

Is it that you feel they are having a better life than you? When I am struggling I get envious that there are other people I see around town that seem to be getting on with their lives and I am in limbo in WD.  Sometimes I even resent them which is ridiculous as I know nothing about them or the struggles they are facing too.

[O2bhappy]

scallywag -

 

I wish I was better at resisting the thoughts.  I hope it is something that goes away over time. 

[O2bhappy]

Flowers -

 

I think that has a lot to do with it.  I see people that I know nothing about and think look how happy they are, I am sure they have done a lot with their lives.  I have even resented people.  I think that everyone else is having a better life then me and I know that isn't true.  These thoughts just started in the past month.  That is why I am wondering what the hell is going on with me.   

 

Maybe this is just a bad wave of withdrawal and when I start feeling better these symptoms will go away.  I can only hope. 

[Junglechicken]

Flowers -

 

I think that has a lot to do with it.  I see people that I know nothing about and think look how happy they are, I am sure they have done a lot with their lives.  I have even resented people.  I think that everyone else is having a better life then me and I know that isn't true.  These thoughts just started in the past month.  That is why I am wondering what the hell is going on with me.   

 

Maybe this is just a bad wave of withdrawal and when I start feeling better these symptoms will go away.  I can only hope.

 

I hear you guys, this is a tough one.

 

It's as though our lives are running in parallel to "normal/unmedicated" people.

[johnson]

I believe we are just on a different path in life compared to everyone else. Yes in the present moment, everyone else may appear to be ahead of us in life. But I believe we'll get to the final destination not only quicker, but smarter, more knowledgeable, wiser and much more prepared. Then we'll be ahead for good and never look back. Just my opinion.

[Flowers]

Flowers -

 

I think that has a lot to do with it.  I see people that I know nothing about and think look how happy they are, I am sure they have done a lot with their lives.  I have even resented people.  I think that everyone else is having a better life then me and I know that isn't true.  These thoughts just started in the past month.  That is why I am wondering what the hell is going on with me.   

 

Maybe this is just a bad wave of withdrawal and when I start feeling better these symptoms will go away.  I can only hope. 

O2b - I think it is just withdrawal. I had the same thing when WD first hit 2 years ago and it went away when I started to feel better and was able to do more with my life. I am in a bad wave again and these feelings have come back. I try to let them go and focus on something else that is more pleasurable - like what I will do with my life when I feel better. I know it's hard and sometimes I can't quite achieve it but I do try. Hope this helps.

[grandmaD]

If you ask me, from what I have read and upon looking back, it is just all part of  "Normal" withdrawal, if there is such a thing!  Your post reminded me of how I used to resent others who were living a "normal" life and those who were able to taper faster than me, but a friend of mine told me to think of myself as a runner in a race - and that I was to stay in my own lane and not look ahead or behind me, but to just keep running - or in my case , crawling!

 

Not long after that, I saw a story about some young people in a race and one of the boys stumbled and fell over.  Before he could get to his feet, the runners out in front, turned around and saw him and they ALL WENT BACK  and picked him up.  they linked arms with him and the ALL WENT TO THE FINISH LINE together.  These youth were all downe syndrome and we might say compared to others they weren't "normal", but it made me feel like the support and help we have here on SA is like those boys who came back and helped us to the finishing line!  It is only a matter of what we consider is "normal" and changing our perspective!

[O2bhappy]

Junglechicken -

 

...It's as though our lives are running in parallel to "normal/unmedicated" people...

 

I look at people who I know haven't taken any antidepressants and I wonder where I would be if I never went down this road.  I think that they are so much better off because they never ingested this poison,  I know I can't be certain that they are better off but that is certainly what I assume. 

[O2bhappy]

johnson -

 

I hope after all we have gone through that we do come out of this smarter, more knowledgeable and wiser.  There should be some reward for all this suffering. 

[O2bhappy]

Flowers -

 

I am sorry to hear that you had this during w/d and that you are experiencing it again.  I wonder why it hits when we are in a wave.  I guess it is because we feel so bad and we think everyone else feels great.  I am trying to work on focusing on different things, but it isn't easy. 

 

It is just very frustrating when you get stuck in your thoughts and you can't get out of your own head. 

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

 

If you ask me, from what I have read and upon looking back, it is just all part of  "Normal" withdrawal, if there is such a thing!  Your post reminded me of how I used to resent others who were living a "normal" life and those who were able to taper faster than me, but a friend of mine told me to think of myself as a runner in a race - and that I was to stay in my own lane and not look ahead or behind me, but to just keep running - or in my case , crawling!

 

Not long after that, I saw a story about some young people in a race and one of the boys stumbled and fell over.  Before he could get to his feet, the runners out in front, turned around and saw him and they ALL WENT BACK  and picked him up.  they linked arms with him and the ALL WENT TO THE FINISH LINE together.  These youth were all downe syndrome and we might say compared to others they weren't "normal", but it made me feel like the support and help we have here on SA is like those boys who came back and helped us to the finishing line!  It is only a matter of what we consider is "normal" and changing our perspective!

 

I wonder why we do this in withdrawal.  I wonder why our mind gets stuck in these thoughts.  I like what your friend said about being a runner in a race.  If I were a runner in a race I would be looking around at everyone and comparing myself with them and then I would fall flat on my face.  I agree that the support we get here are like the runners crossing the finish line together. 

 

I need to change my perspective, but that is hard to do.

[grandmaD]

I think it is a process and just comes with time.  I am beginning to see some positive changes in myself as a result of the suffering.  For one, thing, I used to feel self-conscious at social events if no-one talked to me but thru w/d I WOULD HOPE THAT NO-ONE TALKED TO ME and be glad when they didn't!  I used to talk A LOT,  but through withdrawal, not at all.  That is starting to change again recently, but I think it is a good thing now I am aware of how much I talk and learned to listen more!  I am sure there are other things, but I only noticed this particular one from attending a wedding the other day. 

 

I have been having some good days when I can actually say "good morning" now!  I am even amazed at myself when I hear myself!  That hasn't happened in donkeys years.  But then those mornings I can't say it, I realise it is just the w/d.  You can be sure that your positive frame of mind will return, that the real you is still there, it is just buried beneath the w/d crap for the time being!  Keep plodding on to the finishing line and don't quit!  It doesn't matter if we have to hobble over the finishing line supported by friends, the important thing is to get there!

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

I am so glad to hear that you are seeing some positive changes.  It sounds like through withdrawal you have learned a happy balance of both listening and talking.  It sounds like you were able to enjoy the wedding you attended.  I have actually noticed that I am a better listener and able to be present in conversations.  I was still having panic attacks while on Prozac so I was more concerned about where the exit was then listening and being engaged in a conversation. 

 

Saying good morning and meaning it is a wonderful thing.  It is awful when you feel bad and if you say good morning it basically isn't "good" morning, it is just morning.  I will be very happy when my positive frame of mind returns.  I am normally a very outgoing person, but w/d has taken that away from me.  Now when I "try" to be outgoing it takes an effort.  I feel like I am hobbling to the finish line.  I just wish I could see the finish line in front of me.  I know that I am closer because I am a lot better then I was a year ago.

 

I am now 17 months off Prozac.  WOW.  Many years ago I was on Paxil and after getting off it I was prescribed Prozac a year later.  Since starting down the road of antidepressants this is the longest I have been off of them!  I am thinking that is a huge accomplishment.  I should be proud of myself, but I am not.  I am not because I still feel like I have a ways to go and I don't think I will be proud of myself until I feel much better.  Not the best way to look at it. 

[grandmaD]

Yes, it is encouraging to have some positive experiences at long last.  I just had 2 good days in a row which is an accomplishment.  Not long ago I had 3 good days, so I was hoping to break my record!  I couldn't honestly say "good morning" this morning, just "morning" like you, but at least it wasn't "oh, no, it's morning again!"  It is only upon reflection at times you can see any progress and though my memory is frequently bad, I can still remember quite vividly dreading the day when I woke, because I was still so crap and couldn't wait till bedtime.  Then at bedtime, I would be so exhausted and yet still couldn't fall asleep and then get anxiety and palpitations and have to get back up!  Then I dreaded bedtime!  Such a vicious cycle!

 

One day one one of our van trips (that I always looked forward to thinking I couldn't "get away" but realised I went with the trip and there was no "getting away from myself!") I had a really bad headache but like you, I tried to change myself so instead of hanging my head down and ignoring the man I walked past, I said the expected "good morning" and he replied "I'm wonderful, how are you!"  Well, I can't write here, what I thought about telling him!  Instead I said the usual "not too bad, but why are you so wonderful?"  And he replied: "Because I woke up this morning!"  His response really threw me and ever since then I have decided to be grateful I am still alive when I wake up!

  From what I have read it is  easier to come off Prozac than Paxil, is that what you think?  Is that why you did the switch?  I keep thinking it would have been easier for me had I switched at the beginning and then tapered off Prozac.  Did you taper off the Prozac?

 

What cycle are you in now?  Back to the anger or still in the same one as before?

 

17 months is a good long way, you have come this far, so keep plodding along. I know its trying and  requires such patience, but you will arrive one day!  Better to be 17 months along the road than only 1 month!

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

I am hoping that soon you will have four good days in a row and so on.  I can totally understand the "oh no it's morning again."  I have been there and it is not a good feeling.  Certainly not a good way to start the day off.  It is a vicious cycle of dreading getting up, being happy about going to bed and then not being able to sleep.  I have been there!   I had someone say the same thing to me about being alive and that is why it was a good day.  It made me think.  I can remember people on the news saying good morning and I would think what is so good about it.  That gentlemen you said good morning too certainly has the right attitude about being alive. 

 

From what I remember coming off Paxil it wasn't easy.  The second day after stopping I could not stop crying, my stomach was so sick and I felt like something was seriously wrong with me.  I felt at times like I was dying.  I gained a tremendous amount of weight on Paxil, felt really drugged and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism while on Paxil.  To this day I blame Paxil for my thyroid issues.  I wanted to come off of it because of how bad it made me feel.  I knew nothing about tapering.  I was taking 20 mg of Paxil, if I am remembering correctly.  When the doctor wanted to put me on another antidepressant I did not want to go back on Paxil and that is how I ended up on Prozac.  For me getting off Prozac has been just as hard, but I was also on Prozac for over 12 years and only on Paxil for a year. 

 

I have noticed that I have had some anger recently, but it could be just normal anger.  I noticed that when I get overly tired I get extremely angry.  I am still dealing with the crying everyday.  Some days I can actually laugh about it because I am just crying for no reason.  Other times it can bring me to my knees.   The past couple of days the smell hallucinations have been bad.  Some days I can handle it easier then others.  Today I am frustrated because I am still dealing with that symptom, but I know in the big picture it could be worse. 

 

I agree it is better to be 17 months off then just starting this process.  It was been a long road.  If I really think about it I have come a long way.  I think it is probably a good idea to reflect and think about how far we have come.  I read other peoples post that have just stopped taking A/Ds and I can hear the desperation they are feeling.  I remember that feeling all to well.  I kept asking my husband, "when am I going to feel better."  No one could answer that for me.  All they would say is it takes time.  Well I didn't want to wait I wanted to feel better now.  I wanted the magic pill.  Well, taking the "magic pill" was what got me in this situation in the first place.  After many months I realized there was no such thing as a magic pill and I needed to learn how to deal with how bad I was feeling.  For a long time I didn't deal with the symptoms I just suffered.  I am/was grateful for finding this forum.  I have learn so much and the people here are wonderful. 

[grandmaD]

grandmaD -

 

 I can remember people on the news saying good morning and I would think what is so good about it.  That gentlemen you said good morning too certainly has the right attitude about being alive. 

! Yes, it really got on my nerves when people would say "good morning" !  Having had some good days now, I can only say it was just all part of the w/d because I haven't really done anything to change myself.  Not being in chronic pain helps a lot!  It wouldn't surprise me if we have all been depressed also.  If I had been in a better place, I would have asked him why he was glad to be alive!  Perhaps he had survived a heart attack of something!

From what I remember coming off Paxil it wasn't easy.  The second day after stopping I could not stop crying,

I recall now that you mention it, that is what I was like also.  I would end up in the doctors in tears.  He would be so compassionate, put his arm around me and tell me to go back to a full dose, which I did - being a good girl!!  STUPID!  This went on for years, up and down.  I haven't really cried since tapering, but recently began to get teary at times.

 I gained a tremendous amount of weight on Paxil,

I did too and have now lost 30ks!  have you lost it yet?

.  For me getting off Prozac has been just as hard, but I was also on Prozac for over 12 years and only on Paxil for a year. 

That is interesting, as I thought coming off it might be easier

[grandmaD]

I agree this is a wonderful forum.  I have found some beautiful people here!  Goodness only knows where we would be if not for this place! 

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

 

 

When you are in constant pain or feeling bad it is hard to be happy and enjoy life.  It is easier to say good morning and be cheerful when you feel better. 

 

I understand being a good girl and following the doctors orders.  I am the same way and I know that is why I am in the place that I am now.  When I first went off Prozac I remember calling him because I felt like I was dying.  He said that my body was adjusting to getting off the Paxil.  Then I am sure the next day her prescribed it to someone else. 

 

Since going off Prozac I have lost 55 pounds.  That was mainly because I was so nauseous I could not eat.  That was when I was diagnosed with delayed gastric emptying which I am sure what brought on from the withdrawal. 

 

Going off Prozac has certainly not been easy for me.  I am sure others have an easier time, but not me. 

 

 

[O2bhappy]

I am now 17 months and one week off Prozac.  I have noticed changes in my symptoms.  My physical symptoms are improving with the exception of the olfactory hallucinations.  They continue to be as strong as ever.  Nothing I do helps them.  When the smell is at its worse I just want to rip my nose off my face.  I get very angry.

 

Speaking of anger, I have woken up the past two days very angry and it last all day.  It is very frustrating because while taking Prozac I never was angry.  I am trying to learn to deal with this, but I don't think I am doing a very good job. 

 

My sleep has also taken a turn for the worse.  I am awoken every night with hot flashes and night sweats.  I also will sleep for a few minutes and then wake up.  That sleep patter last all night.  I can't tell you the last time I slept good.  Then the next day I am totally exhausted.  My thyroid is out of whack so that doesn't help.  I am getting it checked again in March.  I am also not drinking caffeine because it makes my internal shaking worse.  I know you are suppose to get sleep to heal and recover.  I am thinking that not sleeping is going to make my healing taking longer. 

 

I am still waiting for my "happy" self to return. 

[AliG]

02b. To be honest you will probably have to hang in a little bit longer.  This can take some time. Everyone is different but there seems to be an average  of 2 - 3 years if you're lucky. 

 

If you're sleeping - that's great.

[mustangwoman]

Hi.  O2b.  I read through your journal today.  I have also had a lot of olfactory symptoms.  I know the frustration.  My taper this time has been very slow as I've ended up in a mental hospital after CT, not knowing really what caused it, because it took 5 months for it to break me to that point.  I'm glad that you're seeing some improvements.  You will see more as time goes on.  (((HUGS)))

[O2bhappy]

AliG -

 

I have noticed over the past several months that my sleep as gotten worse.  I can fall asleep easily but I cannot stay asleep.  I sleep 15-20 minutes at a time and then I wake up.  Because of this pattern I am constantly tired during the day.  Since being in withdrawal I have stopped drinking caffeine.  Being constantly tired cannot be good for my recovery/healing. 

[O2bhappy]

mustangwoman -

 

How long did your olfactory symptoms last?  Did anything you do help them? 

 

I am glad that you have been able to do a very slow taper and I hope that is easing your w/d symptoms.

 

Thanks for the hugs...I am sending hugs right back to you.