☼ O2bhappy: 9 months off Prozac - does it get any better?

[O2bhappy]

ShakeyJerr -

 

Thanks for checking on me.  I am hanging in here.  I was very emotional yesterday.  I woke up feeling very weepy and spent most of the morning crying.  Today I don't feel weepy at all. 

 

I am still dealing with the constant anxiety.  I pray that over time it gets better.  I have been dealing with it since I went off Prozac.

 

How are you doing today? 

[O2bhappy]

20 months...I have been off Prozac!  I am going to take a moment today to jump up and down and celebrate this achievement.  Usually when the month anniversary comes I focus on what hasn't improved.  Sure there is an awful lot that hasn't improved or that I am still dealing with but today I am going to "try" to focus on how far I have come. 

 

I am going to celebrate that I am no longer dealing with nausea and that I can eat a Reese Peanut Butter cup.  I am going to celebrate that I am sleeping, a little better.  Even when I don't sleep I am still getting some sleep.  I am going to celebrate that I am not bed ridden anymore and that I can take a walk outside.  I am going to celebrate that I am not crying today.

 

Today I am going to turn my constant anxiety into doing something productive. 

 

I am going to focus on today, now tomorrow could be another story but today I am celebrating 20 months off Prozac!!!

[Frogie]

20 months...I have been off Prozac!  I am going to take a moment today to jump up and down and celebrate this achievement.  Usually when the month anniversary comes I focus on what hasn't improved.  Sure there is an awful lot that hasn't improved or that I am still dealing with but today I am going to "try" to focus on how far I have come. 

 

I am going to celebrate that I am no longer dealing with nausea and that I can eat a Reese Peanut Butter cup.  I am going to celebrate that I am sleeping, a little better.  Even when I don't sleep I am still getting some sleep.  I am going to celebrate that I am not bed ridden anymore and that I can take a walk outside.  I am going to celebrate that I am not crying today.

 

Today I am going to turn my constant anxiety into doing something productive. 

 

I am going to focus on today, now tomorrow could be another story but today I am celebrating 20 months off Prozac!!!

That's awesome!

 

You are a very special person and deserve to celebrate.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[AliG]

O2 be Happy. That is huge . I'm not sure if anyone that hasn't been there understands.  I do though and I celebrate with you . That is such a way to come forward and shows so much strength. 

[doggiemama]

When we are in such a bad place we all wonder were GOD is in all this but hang on you will see light

[brassmonkey]

Well done O2be,  congratulations on the 20 months and the new attitude.  Have a great celebration.

 

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))

[ShakeyJerr]

Congrats, O2!

 

SJ

[anongrl5590]

Yay that's so good to hear, O2bhappy! Proud of you and how far you've come! Changing our perception of the situation can really turn our experience around for the better. It is so hard but I'm glad you are able to do that for yourself now. I am still gong through the thick of WD and I'm definitely not at a point of positive thinking but I am trying to. *hugs* I hope you see more healing 

[O2bhappy]

Frogie -

 

Thank you for saying that I deserve to celebrate.  Sometimes it is hard to remember especially when you are struggling and dealing with w/d. 

[O2bhappy]

AliG -

 

Thank you for celebrating with me.  I constantly find myself thinking about how far I still have to go in this process instead of looking at how far I have come.  It is very easy to develop a negative mindset in w/d and that is certainly what I have done.  I did take the time to celebrate and reflect on how far I have come.  I certainly do not feel like I am in a window or anything but I am trying to change my mindset.  I know that will take time since I have been negative the whole 20 months that I have been in withdrawal.

 

Thank you for saying that I had shown strength.  I don't view myself as being strong, but I guess I am. 

 

Let this journey of healing continue...

[O2bhappy]

doggiemama -

 

Thank you for your kind words.  I will continue to hang on the best that I can.  It is certainly a struggle.  Never thought that you would have to have so much patience in dealing with withdrawal. 

[O2bhappy]

brassmonkey -

 

Thank you.  I took the time that I needed to celebrate.  I am still struggling, but I didn't want my 20 month anniversary to be all focused on how bad I still feel.  This whole process has been so frustrating.  I am hoping one day that I get to the point that my withdrawal is an afterthought. Withdrawal is certainly all consuming. 

[O2bhappy]

Shakeyjerr -

 

Thank you.  I appreciate all your support and kind words.

[O2bhappy]

anongrl5590 -

 

Thanks for your kind words and saying you are proud of me.  I greatly appreciate it.  I agree that changing our perception of the situation can really turn our experience around for the better, or at least that is what I am hoping.  Getting to a point of positive thinking is hard.  I am not 100% there.  On my 20th anniversary I was ready to celebrate.  I was tired of saying I am so many months off but I am still struggling.  It is still the truth but I just didn't want to say it.  My negative mindset and thought process kept sending me down a negative road.  For once during this whole process I wanted to not think about how I was feeling. 

 

I hope that you are getting some relief.  I know this is very hard, but you can do it!!!!

[Frogie]

Frogie -

 

Thank you for saying that I deserve to celebrate.  Sometimes it is hard to remember especially when you are struggling and dealing with w/d.

 

It is hard but look how far you have come.

 

You will feel better soon, just take care of yourself.

 

I am still on the poison!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[anongrl5590]

anongrl5590 -

 

Thanks for your kind words and saying you are proud of me.  I greatly appreciate it.  I agree that changing our perception of the situation can really turn our experience around for the better, or at least that is what I am hoping.  Getting to a point of positive thinking is hard.  I am not 100% there.  On my 20th anniversary I was ready to celebrate.  I was tired of saying I am so many months off but I am still struggling.  It is still the truth but I just didn't want to say it.  My negative mindset and thought process kept sending me down a negative road.  For once during this whole process I wanted to not think about how I was feeling. 

 

I hope that you are getting some relief.  I know this is very hard, but you can do it!!!!

 

 

I totally understand. I am the exact same way right now. My depression has been the deepest, darkest black hole that consumes me every second, everyday. It really is SO hard to change my perception because I think about my symptoms 24/7. What symptoms are you experiencing now? See any improvements so far? 

[mustangwoman]

o2bhappy you have come so far, you may not see it, but even the tone of your updates show such improvement.  you are so very strong.  I celebrate with you.  Well done!!

[O2bhappy]

Frogie -

 

You are right...I should look at how far I have come, but sometimes that is difficult.  I always think how much farther do I have to go to be able to say I am 100% and out of withdrawal.  

[O2bhappy]

anongrl5590 -

 

My physical symptoms are: smell hallucinations, internal shaking, breathing issues,  insomnia, hot flashes and night sweats (that could be from menopause).   The emotional/psychological symptoms are DP/DR, crying, anxiety, no motivation, depression, scared feelings, and intrusive thoughts.  I might be forgetting something.  Yes I have seen symptoms improve, but I have seen others stay the same.  I think I am becoming use to the physical symptoms.  The psychological ones are very hard for me to deal with right now.   I am working on "allowing" these feelings but it is difficult to allow something that you don't want.  I think that is one of my biggest hurdles in withdrawal.   

[O2bhappy]

mustangwoman -

 

Thank you for celebrating with me.  I greatly appreciate it.  I don't consider myself strong, but I guess you have to be strong to get through withdrawal.  Maybe one day I will go back and read my introduction to see how far I have come.  Like you said, I don't see it. 

[O2bhappy]

One thing that I have been struggling with lately is my lack of motivation.  Before taking Prozac and even on Prozac I was very motivated.  Since being in withdrawal I have lost all motivation.  I understand when I was extremely sick that I wouldn't have motivation to do anything, but now that I am beginning to feel better why hasn't the motivation come back.  Is lack of motivation actually a w/d symptom?   How do you get your motivation back?  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated it.

[AliG]

Happy. I hope you don't mind if I call you that . It's more positive for me at least.

 

I have had the whole lack of motivation thing too. In fact I'm still struggling with it also. I think it's a withdrawal symptom and also associated with anhedonia etc. I do believe it will pass like most symptoms do. It just takes time and extreme patience.

 

How do you get it back ?  Behave your way there. I believe it is a muscle that we need to exercise everyday.

 

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped.

 

And here I am , the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.

What today will be like is up to me . 

I get to choose what kind of day I will have !

 

Have a great day ..... unless you have other plans.

[Frogie]

Frogie -

 

Thank you for saying that I deserve to celebrate.  Sometimes it is hard to remember especially when you are struggling and dealing with w/d.

 

I'm sure it's very difficult, but sit back and say, look how far I've come.

 

You have given me hope, and I have a long way to go! But I've come a long way too!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[O2bhappy]

AliG -

 

Please call me Happy.  That is much more positive.  It could imply that I am actually Happy instead of wish and longing to be Happy. 

 

I am sorry to hear that you also struggle with lack of motivation.  It isn't an easy thing to get around.  I find my lack of motivation might also stem from lack of desire.  Perhaps it is anhedonia. 

 

I like your suggestion of behaving my way to motivation.  I guess that is like fake it until you make it.  I will work on sculpting my motivation.  I know that will be easier said then down.  Some days it is just easier to sit and do nothing.  I will find myself just staring off into space without a care in the world. 

[O2bhappy]

Frogie -

 

I am so glad that I can give you hope.  When I first started down this journey of withdrawal hell all I wanted was hope.  I am glad to know that I now can give someone hope.  I think that is what we all need during this healing journey.  Going through withdrawal can cause such despair. 

[O2bhappy]

I think it is one thing to not be motivated, but I think it is something else to not have a desire to do anything.  I am assuming my lack of desire is a withdrawal symptom and I am praying it goes away.  No wonder I am not motivated.  It is frustrating with being perfectly content to sit in my living room and stare outside.  That isn't living.  That is existing and taking up space.  How do you find the desire to do things?  My poor house needs cleaned so bad and I don't have the desire or motivation to get it done.  I know it needs to be done, but I am allowing my lack of desire to rule my life. 

 

Any suggestions???  Thoughts would be greatly appreciated!!!

[ShakeyJerr]

I believe that small accomplishments can spark motivation, O2. So my suggestion would be to pick a small, easy chore to do around the house. Do it. Bask in the accomplishment. Do it again.

 

SJ

[MollyN]

Hi happy!

 

I really like your question because I'm in a situation where if I lose my job (I'm still in (NZ's) 90 day trial period) I'll be back home and this is likely to very quickly leave my mind with nothing much to occupy it, which leaves me WIDE open to depression and general blah. 

 

I have come up with a sort of plan if this does eventuate and I wonder if this might be useful for you too?

 

I'm going to take a full inventory of my life. What bits do I feel ok about, what bits would I love to add to, develop?

Then I'm going to ask: what would make me feel good to achieve/be doing?

When I lack ideas, it helps me to imagine what sort of things an imaginary person I admire would do with their time and life - what they might be involved in, enjoy doing - then kind of copy those things and integrate them into my own life.. lol well Happy, I don't know yet whether this starting point would be helpful or add anything to either you or I!

 

I was a SAHM for 14yrs or so, and one thing I quite enjoyed doing was decluttering and rearranging (I hate cleaning because it's continuous, but one-off 'big bang' sessions I enjoyed) until one day, I didn't. I just hit the wall and knew I needed to do something outside the home, it had become my prison rather than my refuge. 

 

I imagine  I'm return to study in the short term if I lose my job, just to save me from that sinking feeling I can imagine I'd get staring at the same four walls each day.

 

I'd love to know how you're getting on xxxmollyn

[O2bhappy]

ShakeyJerr-

 

Thank you for the suggestion of doing something small.  I have noticed that when I do things around the house that I do feel better, just hard to get the motivation to even start.  I have so much to do I just don't know where to begin.  I do agree that starting small and basking in the accomplishment would be good for me.  I will try it over the next couple of days and let you know if I am successful!

[O2bhappy]

MollyN -

 

I certainly hope that you do not lose your job.  When you do not have much to occupy your mind I believe it makes withdrawal worse.  I am in the position where I do not have enough to occupy my thoughts so I tend to focus on my withdrawal, which I know isn't helpful at all.  

 

I like the idea of doing an inventory of my life, but I think it might depress me because I might start focusing on what I have not achieved.  But I guess I could also focus on what I would like to achieve.  When I was younger I had a lot of hopes and dreams of the future, but I haven't had many of those lately.  Unfortunately, all I seem to dream about is the day I feel like my old self and I am not dealing with withdrawal.  

 

It would probably do me good if I had a hobby that I was interested in doing.  Something that might provide me with some enjoyment. Maybe that should be part of my inventory.  

[O2bhappy]

Sunday marked 21 months being off Prozac.  Unfortunately, I wasn't up to celebrating my accomplishment.  Since coming off Prozac I haven't had one day that I was symptom free and it is taking a toll on me.  Yes, I have seen improvements with some of my symptoms but I have also had new symptoms and symptoms that just won't go away. 

 

My newest symptom started about three weeks ago.  I have always had brain fog and memory issues during withdrawal but my new symptom is I feel very spacey.  I have troubles holding a thought in my head.  I could sit for an hour and have no real thoughts in my head.  It is very frustrating  and honestly scary.  I have so much that I could be thinking about and doing, but I don't.  I just sit in almost a vegetative state.  I tell myself that this is w/d but thinking that doesn't help.

 

I am also dealing with the smell hallucinations that I have been dealing with since Nov. 2015.  I pray that this symptom passes, but every morning when I wake up I smell it.  Honestly it is getting me down.  Nothing I have tried has helped.  I know it will take time, but I am honestly afraid that it will not go away. 

 

I am still dealing with the whirlwind of emotions.  I cry and get angry very easily.  At some point during each day I cry.  Sometimes it is just being teary eyed and other times it is full on crying.

 

I am also still dealing with the anxiety and panic feelings.  I try using my coping strategies, but sometimes they don't work.  I am still scared to go out and do things, but I force myself to do it.  I was thinking the other day that some peoples idea of adventure is to go rock climbing or sky diving.  Mine is to go to Wal-Mart and make it through my shopping list.  How sad!  The sense of accomplish to me feels like someone who just climbed Mt. Everest.  I am tired of being scared all the time to live my life. 

 

I miss the carefree feeling I had while on Prozac.  I am jealous of friends that are on antidepressants and having no issues and enjoying life.  I know getting off Prozac was the best thing for me, but some days I just don't feel that way.  I know that I am healthier being off it.  It is just hard to remind myself that I am better when I feel like I am struggling so much.  Honestly if I had never been on an antidepressant and I went to the doctor they would put me on medicine and I would take it to feel better.  Knowing what I know now I wouldn't take one, but sometimes I wonder if it would be the answer.  I am scared when I leave my house because I feel that something is going to happen to me. 

 

All day long I have weird feeling come over me, they are hard to explain but I blame withdrawal. 

 

I am sorry to be such a downer at a time I should be celebrating. 

 

I would greatly appreciate any prayers.

[ShakeyJerr]

I am so sorry that you are experiencing a setback, O2.

 

I pray in the precious name of Jesus Christ that you find swift relief. Lord God, draw Your child close to You. You are the God Who provides comfort and counsel. Take O2 into your loving arms and show her that no weapon formed against her shall prosper. Let her feel Your presence in a tangible way that drives out the neuro-emotions, that brings relief to her senses, and that restores her to how You envisioned her to be when You knit her together in her mother's womb. You are the mighty, all-loving, all-good God, and we are humbled that You love and care for us so completely. You know the plans You have for O2 - please, in Jesus' Name, give her a glimpse of Your plans for her hope and her future! Amen!

[Frogie]

You have all the prayers in the world from me.

 

I know you have accomplished so much, Walmart and the grocery store.

 

You are doing so much better than when I 1st met you.

 

You can do it.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[brassmonkey]

" I could sit for an hour and have no real thoughts in my head."

 

Zen masters train for years to reach this point. It is the key to Mindfulness and being in the moment. It opens ones mind to experience the things  that are happening now and not being stuck dwelling on uncontrollable things from the past or the future.  A still mind is the gateway to inner calm and contentment.  Explore it, experience it and learn to control it.

[O2bhappy]

ShakeyJerr -

 

Thank you for the prayers.  If you could keep me in them, I would greatly appreciate it.

 

You mentioned in the prayer thread about Claire Weeks.  I have seen post about her in this forum.  I will go on you tube and watch the videos.  I am working on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and that deals with "allowing" the feelings of anxiety and panic.  Some days are certainly easier to allow these feelings then others.  I think I am in a wave and allowing hasn't come easy to me.  

[O2bhappy]

Frogie -

 

Thank you for your prayers.  I greatly appreciate them and would appreciate the continued prayers.

 

Thank you for saying that I am doing better, but right now I am not feeling that way.  I guess a bad wave can really make you doubt yourself.  It is very frustrating.