success ☼ Santino: How do i keep on the sane side?

[KarenB]

The reason you feel better in the afternoon and evening is because that's when people's cortisol level naturally lowers.  It's higher in the morning to get us going for the day, and tapers off after that.  Most people find w/d better later in the day. 

 

Tired and foggy brain is definitely a w/d symptom.  One day, off all these drugs, you're going to feel super sharp!

 

Glad you are experiencing some good things too - you deserve to.

[Santino]

HI KarenB

 

I am definitely better compared to the period of July and August when i was still under benzo withdrawal. Even though i used it regularly for almost 3 months i have had periods of time using it before so the WD would be more difficult. I think i am out of the benzo WD now and i am facing only Remeron. I am slowly continuing to go down every 2-3 weeks but i am not calm. Altostrata is right that the stress in my life is not allowing me to heal properly and right now I still have moments when i do not know to what i can attribute my problems Rem WD or situational factors. Maybe it would be good to hold on the tapering for a while but psychologically that is like a double edge sword for me because prolonging exposure might mean longer time on the drug and higher level of dependency. Going lower is strangely making me feel better as most probably introduction of mirtazapine and benzo WD caused the feeling of depression i experienced. I still have it time after time but not at the same degree as on July and August. I did some calculations yesterday and according to those i might need up to 10 - 12 months or even more to reach 0 levels and that is tooo long considering the amount of time i took it at 15Mg.

 

I am really hoping this situation to end and i to regain the normalcy of the life again. Tomorrow is again a day off due to public holiday so I will have more time to recuperate from my previous cut.  

 

Good luck to you in your recovery as well.

[Santino]

Dear all

 

I am continuing my taper and am currently on 7.25Mg. I start to feel the symptoms of WD on day 3 after the cut. My sleep deteriorates for 2-3 nights ( i wake up every 2-3 hours), i have feeling of higher anxiety in the morning and depression during the day, slight nausea and extreme fatigue. Anyway these feelings start to abate around the days 5 and 6. Of course the fatigue stays with me even after but not at the same level as the days 3-6. After that my Wd continues into a somehow normal pattern of worry and not feeling quite right in the morning and after the afternoon things settle for the best and as the night approaches i start to feel normal.

 

The weekends are the best time for me... because i really feel better and if i do not browse too much in the forums i feel almost normal during the whole day. 

 

Is these feeling of fatigue and the desire to not do many things during the day normal for WD...??? I am starting to worry a bit as this is more pronounced now compared to the higher doses (my maximum was 15MG). Anyway the level of depression currently is quite lower compared with the days of June, July and start of August when i was living after stopping the bromazepam and there are days when I feel totally clear but still it is present and that keeps me worried whether it is natural or WD.

 

Please confirm whether I am doing the right thing as i do not want to succumb and go to the doctors who definitely will suggest either an abrupt stoppage of the drug or raising of the levels of usage. 

 

How long while i go lower (up to what level of Remeron) this symptoms of fatigue and apathy will continue...?? I am already walking around 6-7 km after work, is it good to do the same even in the morning or that might contribute to more fatigue during the day??

 

I want to thank from my heart all of you who have contributed to my progress so far. 

 

Good Luck on your journeys.

[Hibari]

HI Santino

 

I have found, and read in many places, that the lower doses of Remeron are very sedating.  I am much more tired these days as I go lower on the medication that I was on the higher doses.  My mood has always been affected when I make cuts so I think it's good to remember that that they are most likely wd symptoms. 

 

As Karen B wrote above, our cortisol is higher in the morning and also very much affected by wd.  I always feel better and better as the day goes on.

 

As far as exercise, adding more is a personal choice.  Try to think in terms of, am I supporting my body during this stressful wd time or am I adding stress?   I used to exercise all the time before I was depressed, put on medication and then going through wd.  I walk my dog every day but only now am I considering adding in yoga. 

 

Be easy with yourself.   You are taking it step by step and that's all you can do.  You are brave to take this journey and you will make it through. 

[Santino]

HI Hibari

 

Thanks a lot for your messages of support.

 

I did not have a good weekend but let's say it was passable. Most probably one week after my drop i had some pronounced WD-s reflected on sleep problems, anxiety and mild depression.

 

Anyway today is Monday and i am feeling more normal. I am currently at work and somehow calm but continuously i have this feeling like i have a very tired brain, and like i can not confront anyone.... even for simple topics. Is this feeling normal for WD or is something more than that???
 

When i see your signature i really admire your spirit and confidence on tapering two meds at the same time. I do not know how doable that is but you re definitely making it.

 

Good Luck

[Santino]

Dear Friends

 

I continue to have a very foggy brain. In this situation i tend to get tired very easily and being at work is really a very difficult task. Is this normal for WD??

 

There are days when i feel more clear but then time after time this situation strikes back and it makes me feel really bad. I can not concentrate and it requires a lot of attention to follow up discussions at work and even making decisions. I have recently lower levels of anxiety than in summer months but this foggy brain and inability to think causes me to fall back in terms of depression. 

 

Is there something I can do to counter this effect...??? Is there any thing supplement or maybe caffeine or whatever to make possible the feeling of freshness after the sleep...??? Even i am sleeping OK normally around 7-8 hours (with 2-3 interruptions to go to toilet) i continue to feel very brain tired during the day. 

 

Should i try bigger cuts and see whether lower levels of Remeron are less sedating...?? I know this is not what is normally adviced but maybe it can work...

 

Please HELP......

[bubble]

Everything you mention is typical of withdrawal.

 

What you see as side effects and Remeron being sedating at low doses could be well explained by withdrawal.

 

The 'supplement' that works best for withdrawal symptoms is holding, slowering the taper and patience.

 

We have mentioned it a number of times that taking some steps to address whatever caused you to start taking these drugs would be a very good thing to do.

[Santino]

HI bubble and All

 

Thanks a lot about your email and support.

 

I have had 2 calm days yesterday and today but still a lot of apathy and a bit of depression. It seems to me like i look normal to people around me but i have no will to do things at work. There is a psychological factor connected with that as my self confidence has gone lower... but this type of apathy i have never seen before. On a good day i would keep myself busy at work but these days i just stay put at the comp and watching the clock for lunch time and end of work day.

 

I am scared this whole thing does not turn into "real natural" depression affecting me. I have a good and at the same time bad news anyway, most probably i will be transfered to another department managing a team of 4 people. That has been my original team which i created when i first came into the company. Anyway the people there have changed but the functionalities remain the same. My direct manager there is calmer and has good understanding in personal issues. The only thing that scares me is whether it will be possible for me to handle the transition with my fogy brain. I don't want to show low levels of professionalism which on those bad days is really evident as i can not concentrate properly and have a lot of difficulties following problems or topic discussions. These difficulties lead to me being more reserved and tending to avoid problems.

 

Can you please advice on how you are able to handle such issues...??? I have been going for three weeks to a therapist who is also a psychiatrist but he is trying to find the reasons of my anxiety earlier into my childhood and that is not exactly what i need. I need some coping mechanisms for the bad timings when i do drops. I accept i have gone a bit fast with my taper but i am at least functioning at let say 50 - 60%.

 

If you have any resource which i can follow or read.... or any of you is continuing to hold a mental job despite the tapering would be really helpful to know the type of mechanisms that can be used in such cases.

 

Good Luck.

 

Santino

[Santino]

Dear All

 

Please I am in a very bad situation and require some help if possible.

 

It seems i have hit a rough spot these days with the 7.25 Mg. It is two and a half weeks already and even though my sleep has been good i am having continuously a kind of depression feeling. I have always been a bit lazy by nature but i have never cared too much about it as i was easily covering all my work or family duties in brief periods of time and then use the rest of the time for lazying around and having fun. Right now it seems i can not go back into my habit. Laziness is reinforced by the feeling of apathy that remeron in lower doses gives, and this leads to a depressive feeling which hangs over me almost all the time.

 

Some time ago when my acute wd from benzo started to abate i started to enforce my self to work more and somehow i was feeling rays of stability and i went a bit fast with the Remeron. During that period i have had some clashes with my manager and this enforced in my mind some sort of belief that no matter whether i do or do not do a thing i will get frowned upon. This has backfired on me currently and i feel tooo apathic and depressed not willing to start or do things. I think my family is affected from this situation even though i try to act as normal as possible when at home. My wife knows the problems but i do not my older son who is 12 to start to notice these changes in me even though they have been visible since on March when this whole thing started. The good thing is i do not have that crazy level of anxiety and feel more calm but the apathy and depression are taking its toll.

 

Please let me know your opinions. On some particular days i really feel like in the end of the rope. I have started to listen positive affirmations while having my 6-7 km walk in the evening and at the same time when i wake up in the morning.

 

Is this thing normal in WD from Remeron at levels of lower than 7.5 Mg...????

Is there any possibility this to turn into full blown "natural" depression due to the prolonged period of suffering...??? :-(((

Is it better to hold currently until i feel more confident or should i try go lower hoping that at lower levels Remeron will be less sedating...???

Could morning exercise or some Serotinin boosting supplements like 5-Htps play some kind of role in improving this situation???

 

Tell me what you would do if you were on my shoes... 

 

I am really feeling down these days and i am trying to stay as far from the forums as possible. Anyway i need to have some answers from people with more experience on this. I know if I go to the doctor he will either suggest dropping Remeron totally, will increase the dossage or will put me to another AD which psychologically might make things worse as i will still have a strong source of rumination in that way.

 

Please tell me what do you think is the best in my case...???? (by the way today morning i notice some small improvements compared to my situation from yesterday so ti gives me hope that holding some more might resolve this f... symtpom)

 

WAITING FRIENDS.... DO NOT LET ME DOWN PLSSSS....

 

Santino

[scallywag]

Santino, symptoms can and do change as a taper progresses.  Sometimes that is the nature of how the medication actually works and sometimes it can be that we metabolize the medication faster because the liver and kidneys have less work to do at lower doses. For sure there are other reasons why this happens. 

 

Morning exercise could help -- remember to keep it gentle, no cardio pushing yourself to your limit. Some people find strength training (weights) lifts mood.

[AliG]

Santino. Listening to positive affirmations is an excellent thing to do and will probably help you start to build new pathways in your brain. 

I think your problems with your manager is a life situation that is possibly complicated by neuro - emotions but is a common type of occurrence in everyday life.

 

You're sleeping well and that is a bonus. Many have insomnia as a symptom, and you're ahead in that respect which is no small thing.

Recharging your battery at night through sleep is healing / regenerative and not to be underestimated.

 

I wouldn't go to your doctor unless you need a script.

 

Any depression is most likely due to withdrawal and will hopefully recede/ lessen in time.

 

You seem to have dropped 5 mg in 3 months. You dropped 3 times in September alone from 10 mg - 8 mg.  I think you're going too fast and need to stop and stabilize for a few months to let your CNS catch up to all the quick drops.

 

Morning exercise is great but I would stay away from 5 Htp. It's problematic to add to the mix at this point.

 

I would do a long hold and get stable first . That might help settle some of your symptoms.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3949-stabilizing-after-a-reduction-what-does-that-mean/

 

Ali

[Santino]

HI Alig and Scally

 

I am holding at 7.2 currently and the last two days have been somehow passable. Yesterday was in a meeting with my psychoterapist and he is pushing to try and jump.... because he suggests lower levels of MIrtazapine do not swit with me.

 

At this point i am not sure what to do. My depression seemed to lessen a bit before yesterday and yesterday but today i slept only 5 hours and as the weather is very bad i have a depressed feeling again. My brain seems to tired to work or make logical judgements and I am feeling very apathetic and lethargic feeling like doomed. Please let me know is this normal...??? In September i was really having good days but currently my situation has gone to a worse stage.

 

If I Hold do i have a chance to stabilize???

 

Two - three weeks ago i stopped 500Mg of Niacine (non flushing one) that i was taking in the morning and as the flushing one gave me problems Alto suggested i could stop that one. Could this depression be related with that drop or it is situational by nature...

 

Help please as i am feeling at my wits end today.

[scallywag]

Niacin is neuroactive, but is relatively quickly metabolized.

 

Holding at your current dose is the path that is most likely to result in stability. It's not a guarantee  of stability because CNS (central nervous system) responses are difficult to predict.

 

Make a knot at the end of that wit and hold on!

[Santino]

HI Scally

 

Today finally i am experiencing some stability even though my sleep was only a mere 5 hours from 22.30 to 03.30 Am. I am at work currently but not really involved into anything. It is my last day at my current position next... the quarrels with my manager and WD have taken their toll so now i will shift to a kind of research position. I am hoping it will be good but my ability to think properly is too much affected. I am trying to act it out but is always tooo difficult. Going down the way of WD has really affected my mental capabilities as well as my memory of things. I am more calm recently but feeling very lazy and lethargic.

 

DO you think that staying at 7.2 will restore my thinking to a better level?? I am really feeling this depressed feeling will not go away. Anyway hoping the weekend might bring some change i will continue with the 7.2 some more time.

[scallywag]

Give your current dose a few more weeks, sticking with the 4 weeks at a dose. When you say "depressed feeling" I'm not sure what you mean: No emotions? Sadness? Apathy/no motivation? 

 

It's good that you've found a solution to minimize the stress from the difficult relationship with your manager. That can help in many ways.

[Santino]

HI Scally

 

When i say depressed feeling i mean apathy and no motivation mostly. Normally during mornings i feel really doomed with lack of energy, sometimes problems with sleep and it feels to me like i will not be able to cover my responsibilities as a father to my family. I really feel like i have no will to get involved on doing things and this scares me... and makes me really depressed. At this stage i do not know how much of it is psychological and how much of it is WD.

 

For example today i started at the new position and i was shown a presentation from my new manager. Deep inside i was liking the oportunities but during all the time my mind was somehow numb, with no energy to say something and desperate.

 

I was thinking as the Remeron never had any positive effect on me taking it at a level of 7.2MG makes no sense and it is the reason why i am sooo tired. Being tired is a big non motivational factor at this level so maybe the low dose of the remeron is the culprit for the depression level. SO most probably going down a bit faster and holding at a 3.5 dose could make more sense to me.

 

DO you think that is possible...????

 

Santino

[scallywag]

If your signature is accurate, you've been doing a mix of 2-week and 3-week holds after a dose decrease. You could try 14 days after the next decrease of 10% or less. See how that goes for 2 cycles of 2 weeks, then decrease again and hold for 3-4 weeks to see what symptoms, if any, arise. If no symptoms, you're probably good to go with 2 weeks between decreases.

[marie123]

Hi Santino. I am sorry you are feeling the way you are. I see you're tapering remeron. I take remeron but I don't have experience tapering that med. What I do have experience with is tapering trazodone. The only way I was able to feel better once withdrawal s/e's creeped in was a long hold. After a 2 month hold I started to get windows that lasted all day. I then made another cut when I felt ready. I hope you feel better soon.

 

Marie

[scallywag]

I just confirmed a detail about Remeron. It has the effect of being sedating at doses under 30 mg on some people. At some point, this effect decreases. I can't tell you at which dose it will happen for you.

[Santino]

Dear Friends

 

An update...

 

I am doing so, so with some normal days and bad ones. The overall feeling of depression is still there. I feel my brain foggy and not able to think properly even though i am trying. I am continuing to have a hard time at work even though i changed managers but the sector i am in is a new one and so i need to handle tasks by my self. With the state of brain i am in things tend to look difficult and i do not have the nerves to do them properly. I have been a bit lazy by nature before but postponing work was never a problem for me as on my good days i would glue my ass into the chair and complete everything i had to. Currently it seems to me like i do not have neither the will neither the capacity to acomplish things and this has started to worry my. Handling stress is quite difficult and i do not know how i will continue. On very bad moments i really feel depressed... :-(

 

Currently i am holding at 7Mg and due to this depression at this cut i am thinking i need to either go slower than 10% on my taper or faster as i hope lower levels of Remeron might bring my freshness back and by the way i was never well stabilized on Remeron. Anyway i am more biased toward the first approach so most probably i will start tomorrow with 0.2Mg cuts every week and a hold of 2 weeks after each 1Mg. Anxiety wise i am good. I do not have that physical anxiety that i experienced during my benzo time and benzo wd but i feel damn tired, depressed and unwilling to do things. 

 

I am scared that currently i am not facing the medicine factor and the main culprit for me is the psychological aspect. It seems that during these suffering months i have imprinted in my Sub-conscience the idea that i will never be good and this is chasing me almost all the time now. DO you have any idea on how i can fight this feeling...?? What technique can i use to rewire my brain for better and more positive way of thinking...??? The psychoanalysis my psychotherapist is trying does not make anything for me as he wants to get the reasons of my anxiety while currently i do not have anxiety or better say whatever anxiety i feel is not physical but stems from the fact that i am feeling depressed and whether i will be able to come out of this hole again.

 

I have had the tendency to ruminate even without the meds but then it was easy... as soon as the tough moment will pass then i would go back to normal. I could just face my fears and with the time it would go away. Currently the insecurity of what is to come is making me spiral down as long as i reach the exit of the hole.

 

Is there yet hope...??? I do not want to go to the doctor and being pushed some SSRI for bridging Remeron WD or pushed to go CT and try as 7Mg has no effect on the body. 

 

Please help me guys...!!!. Distraction is something that is not coming easy to me nowadays....

[scallywag]

Mindfulness sounds as if it will be helpful for you, Santino.  It is the practice of being aware of your thoughts and accepting them as thoughts moving through your mind.

 

Our thoughts arise in our minds outside of our control, much like clouds in the sky. We don't have problems with clouds moving across the sky. We don't try to make clouds go away, nor do we focus on one and try to hold onto it. Mindfulness can be about developing the same relationship to our thoughts, noticing them and letting them be.

 

Two topics here at SA:

Mindfulness and Acceptance

Mindfulness, Meditation, and Prayer after Brain Injury, Please don't let the title scare you, it's just the name of an article that is quoted

 

There are many youtube videos and web apps, as well as apps for mobile phones/devices, that both explain the concept and have exercises to practice.

[KarenB]

NeuroSculpting is something I've found very useful in changing my responses to difficulties.  It's another form of meditation, but quite focused, which I found useful. 

[Santino]

Hi Karen

 

Thanks for your suggestion. Are there free materials in regard to this Neuro Sculpting...?? The course on the website seems too expensive and right now as i want to be as savvy as possible due to the situation i am not sure whether spending that money will give the desired results.

 

Are there free materials for checking regarding this NeuroSculpting topic?

 

Good Luck

[KarenB]

I should have given you this link here, which has lots of options in it.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5949-%E2%80%9Ci-wrote-a-new-story-for-my-nervous-system%E2%80%9D-%E2%80%94-neurosculpting-neuroplasticity-httpwpmep5nnb-aa5/

 

Somewhere in that lot is a radio interview which includes a guided neuro-sculpting meditation.  That's what I found very useful.

[AliG]

Santino.

It seems that during these suffering months i have imprinted in my Sub-conscience the idea that i will never be good and this is chasing me almost all the time now. DO you have any idea on how i can fight this feeling...?? What technique can i use to rewire my brain for better and more positive way of thinking...??? The psychoanalysis my psychotherapist is trying does not make anything for me as he wants to get the reasons of my anxiety while currently i do not have anxiety or better say whatever anxiety i feel is not physical but stems from the fact that i am feeling depressed and whether i will be able to come out of this hole again.

 

If you can have some faith in the process then you will know that this is just the drugs talking.

I found knowledge to be the best tool. Once I knew that my brain had been hijacked by the drugs , I also knew it was only a matter of time before it got "right" again with enough time off them and some lifestyle changes.

 

The anxiety can often be a direct result of the drugs. I never had it before and maybe you didn't either, but if you did maybe it was milder and less intense. It can be a by- product of having started them in the first place but I believe with time and natural coping tools/ skills, it can recede into the background again and remain essentially dormant.

 

If and when it surfaces again , the tools that you have employed are hopefully there to cope with it. This is the time to practice and possibly hone those skills if you can.

If you can know this is the way and perhaps not question it so much, you will hopefully be successful in the long term.

 

We know now, drugs are not the answer and need to direct our efforts to more natural means / ways of coping. There are many of these listed in Symptoms and Self- Care.

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Diet and lifestyle , which is all encompassing is also so important in the managing / curing of all of this. Of course everyone says this but it is key.

Some have had success with CBT etc. That is another avenue to pursue that might ultimately be successful for you as well as the NeuroSculpting. 

Each person has to find their own way. I hope you find something that helps.

Ali 

[Santino]

Dear Friends

 

I had a good weekend. After a very depressed and tired and fogy brain feeling this last Friday... my weekend was good. I had a good Saturday and then on Sunday i traveled to my hometown around 200 Km from the place where I live and i was feeling positive. I had to attend some problems at my hometown and i was really able to handle the stress even though was feeling near the edge.

 

Then i came back at home Monday evening and the thing started again... i was feeling my brain really tired and this Tuesday morning i was again in depressive mode. I went from 7Mg to 6.7 last Wednesday but with every drop that i make i am not able to create a sustainable pattern. I am not sure how much of my depressive moments is situational and how much is medicine.

 

Currently i have no anxiety, no bad feelings the main symptom which aggravates all others is my incapability to think straight. My brain at moments is really tired and completely f...d up and that really demotivates me. I am not sure how i will go on about it. I have no force to start something at work because in the moments when my brain says no... i have difficulties thinking as well as expressing my self.

 

Is this normal friends...???!!! I want all the reassurance i can get that this is WD...

 

Should i continue reducing slowly or go faster...??? After each drop i feel better but then my tired brains start doing the talking and i end up getting stuck. I have a lot of situational stress currently so not sure whether it would be good to try CT at this moment and put my life on hold for 1-2 months... or continue with the slow reductions and suffer all the way and not sure whether i will be able to hold it together or not...???

 

Thanks everybody for your comments. You have no idea how helpful you are in a situation like this. 

[scallywag]

Thinking and memory difficulties are withdrawal symptoms. These issues can also arise during times of stress. 

 

I went through a period of several months when my memory and thinking were far below what is normal for me.  I carried a notebook with me at all times and wrote almost everything down. The act of writing helps me remember.  When I needed to think about something to make a decision, I got out my notebook and wrote down ideas and the advantages and disadvantages of different options. Having someone to listen while you talk out loud to sort out your thoughts can also help .

[Santino]

HI Scallywag 

 

Thanks for your explanation. I understand that thinking and memory might be far below normal baseline during WD but this fact is playing a negative role on my recovery. The poor brain function and below normal level thinking lead in my case to more depression as i am not able to function properly at work. I could live with that under no employment circumstances but with a full time and quite demanding job sorting out my thoughts is a necessity and talking them out loud is not the best option available.

 

Is there anyone who has been working full time during withdrawal and managed to survive on the other side..???

 

Good Luck

[AliG]

Santino.

I have a lot of situational stress currently so not sure whether it would be good to try CT at this moment and put my life on hold for 1-2 months... or continue with the slow reductions and suffer all the way and not sure whether i will be able to hold it together or not...???

 

This comment worried me so I wanted to address it . I hope you weren't serious about this. It would be most unwise to cold turkey. Our aim in tapering gently is to reduce harm and enable functionality in your life. 

 

To deliberately cold turkey is to put this in jeopardy.

 

There is no saying how long your life would be on hold. Everyone is different but as you have already seen it can take a long while. Certainly longer than 1-2 months in most cases. It's more like possibly 1-2 years.

 

Continuing with slow reductions is the safe way to discontinue your medication, and there is no reason to think that you will suffer all the way through your taper. Once you stabilize and then continue to go slow from there with long holds in between drops, it should be hopefully a lot easier and more manageable for you.

 

I hope you continue to stay on this course.

Ali

[Santino]

HI Ali G

 

Thanks a lot for your comment buddy.

 

I think i am shaking my boat again. I thought to try small cuts every week and then hold so this wednesday i went from 6.7 to 6.5Mg. On Wednesday i slept somehow ok up to 4 - 4.30 in the morning and then rolling around in the bed. Yesterday i could not sleep until 1 o clock and then woke up and had a Linden and Chamomile tea which gave me around 3 -4 hours interrupted sleep. Today i feel very brain tired and on the edge with a lot of fatigue and kinda depressed feelings.

 

I really hate this process soooo much. There are days when i do not want to think it but checking out seems like a solution. I am working on distraction but thats difficult.

 

Wish me luck friends. I need all the assistance i can get.

[Santino]

HI Friends

 

A quick update sicne 25th of November.

 

Finally i took the leap to go under the 7.5 Mg mark and imediately things started to look brighter. My energy levels have increased, i am experiencing a lot less fatigue and brain fog. Nowadays i am having only one bad day after 3-4 good days in a row. This is giving me hope so i am going down with 0.25 MG every one week to 10 days depending on the situation.

 

By the way i started my new business this end of november (a lovely small hotel in my hometown) and surprisingly i am doing better at my job currently. Touch wood.... i am feeling a lot better. 

 

Thanks a lot guys for all your assistance during my bad days. I know this is not over but at least these good days are showing me that there is light at the end of the tunnel. We will all survive buddies as long as we have our will and stick to our lives.

 

I feel the clouds are dissipating now and soon i will be me again.

 

Love you ALL.... without you most probably i would have been ply drugged by now or even worse resign....

 

Anyway i know i am still far from the end of the battle yet but at least i know that when all this end I will be on the winning side.

[Hibari]

Great to hear you are feeling better Santino and congratulations on your new business.

 

Sounds like taking actions with both your physical health and career has given you a boost.

 

Hibari

[scallywag]

Great update Santino! It's been a rocky road for you to get to this point and you deserve a break from how it's been.

 

You're thinking about making decreases every 7-10 days. Please pay attention to your symptoms.  You may also want to consider a longer hold after a few short-hold reductions.

[Santino]

Hey Guys....

 

Just a quick update from me and then i will continue with my life until the next one... :-) 

 

First of all i really wish all you guys a Happy New Year and success with your taper schedules. Without you i do not know where I would have been... ( maybe a box full of meds with no feelings and watching the watch all the time until the next dose)

 

I am currently at 5.7Mg and plan to do another 5-6% drop tonight. The 7.5Mg and 7.2Mg doses were a killer for me. I had a terrible brain fog and fatigue and had no possibility of doing something productive at work. AT 5.7Mg i do not feel like my brain has died but i can handle some stress quite well. Whenever i change my routine i have problems but "This too shall pas" helps me to reach into the normal evenings or the next 60 - 70% normal days. I am determined to continue with tapering. I am making my own liquid by mixing hard tablet with water and taking whatever i need. I started tapering at 4th of July while still in benzo WD after 3 months of use. I used to take 6 MG of Bromazepam and 15Mg of Remeron at the same time after some other unsuccessful combination of drugs. Of course i have my bad days now but i know that being determined to fight this off they will go and the WD days are just temporary. You can not imagine how many times on my worst days during benzo and mirt wd combined i  would go near a lake at my home and sit there watching the water thinking about the worse and the worse i could do to myself. I feel those days are gone. 

 

I am sorry for not spending much time in the forum but i need to focus with my life. I have two kids and a wife and a work that i need to maintain so spending to much energy here will affect me emotionally. I have also started a new hospitality business with the precious help of my parents and my parents in law which is giving me an extra income. So i need to stay focused in life and continue with the tapering slowly, slowly. 

 

I have started feeling normal at nights, not depressed and have started joking again, which has been always my trade mark, (of course i have my off the good mood days in case of stress but they re passable). 

 

Once more i wish everybody A Happy New Year and please do not focus too much on the medicine you re taking. Try to shift the focus on life problems and the fun it offers. Rumination is a trademark of withdrawal so for sure in periods of stress you will have it but it will last one or two days and then you will have a window again. Try to build up on the windows... on those good days focus on the things you can do good at work and which give you self confidence that you can do it and live your life normally. Do not let the rumination to take you down. I know it is difficult and just two days ago i was there... :-) but now i know that it is something which can be controlled and can be cast aside. Give your brain time to adjust.... and one more time FOCUS WITH YOUR NORMAL LIFE PROBLEMS. 

 

We tend to focus on the MIRT and attribute everything to it. By focusing all the day with the Med we are taking then it becomes like an excuse whenever we can not be able to achieve something in life. But we forget that ruminating about the Medicine some times overloads the brain and we leave no space to exercise it for normal every day cores which with time become like an enormous burden to overpass.

 

I Thank all my friends here .... scallywag, AliG, Hibari, Brassmonkey, Altostrada, Bubble .... and everybody who has been and is assisting me on this fight of my life. We will all make it free.... i feel it. Just need to change the way we think and act.

 

Good Luck into 2017... i am hoping that by end of summer i will most probably be free if everything going the way it is now... if not i do not mind to postpone the freedom day into end of 2017 or even summer of 2018... :-)

I am not so scared of Mirt anymore.... i can beat it... :-)

 

All the best and until the next update wish you luck.

 

Santino

[AliG]

Santino.  I'm so happy for you. This is a great update and shows how far you have come since you first arrived here.     You will probably continue to have your ups and downs along the way but obviously you have had enough improvements to know that this is all just temporary and that you are healing.

 

I hope your tapering rolls along smoothly and slowly. I'm sure with care and vigilance that it will. You have a lot on your plate with your new business and family etc. so remember to take some time for you occasionally to avoid stress build up. Keep using the tools and coping methods you have learned here. They will always be skills you can use anytime that you need to.

 

Please continue to update as it gives so many here encouragement and hope.  

[Santino]

Thanks AliG

 

I have followed your topic and i know you have recently hit a rough spot and i really wish that to pass very soon.

 

Keep tight and keep your head up... we will make it...

 

All the best.