Santino

Santino: How do i keep on the sane side?

220 posts in this topic

Dear Friends...

 

A quick update and a request for asistance....

 

I am continuning to hold my taper to 12.8 MG of Remeron since 4th of July. The purpose is not that i felt bad going lower then 15 for sure it was better psychologically but i am facing some hard situation.

 

My manager at work seems to be angry at me and currently is not involving me on projects or directly calls my staff and handles thing by herself. Of course she has the right to do that because my situation during these last 3 -4 months have been terrible. Most of the days i have come to work with a dead brain tired from overthinking and in an medicine induced terrible depression.

 

So now my situation at work is not at its best but that is affecting my taper. I was planing a jump to 11.2Mg or 11.4 Mg of Remeron this week but it seems i do not have the guts as I do not know how the situation will unfold. I can truly say that when i did the first jump within 2 days i felt better and since that time i have very rarely have had suicidal or depressive thoughts. 15Mg of Remeron was really making me unemotional and that was literally killing me.

 

I had no depression before this i went to the doctor for anxiety induced by 3 weeks of Xanax very low dosage usage. The situation at my job is really becoming problematic for me now and i am seriously for the safety of my mental health considering even the worse option. I have taken a loan and currently i am almost completing a nice Guesthouse with 7 rooms at my home town and that could be my next option. But this means i will have to leave my wife and two kids at the capital city as she is a lecturer in university and has to keep up the work.

 

I am really confused right now anyway through all this time my wife has been really supportive and she is saying that if I feel like quitting in order to be able to regain myself with a less metal job then we will survive. I really hate the doctor who put me in all this trouble but right now there are moments where i really feel desperate.

 

Anyway today is a calm day.. (weekend ahead)... :-) Anyway there are days when i wake up with in the morning with anxiety... it is not strong and it abates during the day but that feeling leaves me weak and depressive for all the day up to the afternoon.

 

This coming week i am taking two weeks off on Wednesday so most probably i will try to do the jump this weekend and as i will be off i do not think i will have much trouble there.

 

Anyway let me know what do you think regarding:

 

1. Is the anxiety in some of the mornings due to my obsessive thinking about this situation or some sort of withdrawal.... ?( i suspect it is the first because I was doing quite well before these misunderstandings with my manager started).

2. Can i continue with my next drop this weekend as long a i have a 2 weeks holiday in front of me and i will be somehow calm from work stress. The first drop just gave me more quality time and currently especially at nights i am calm, i can enjoy watching TV, i have no other symptoms and my sleep seems stable. I want to go a bit fast down to 7.5 and then plan a somehow long stop (2-3 months) at that level before continuing 10% again. 

3. I am not asking opinions for my job situations because i know i should buckle up and solve that thing myself... :-).

 

Let me know guys... impatiently waiting in here...

 

All the best

 

Santino

Edited by scallywag
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Hi Santino

Sorry you are in this tricky situation.

 

You have now got the benzo out of the equation so that is an accomplishment. 

In my opinion the morning anxiety is classic withdrawal symptoms.

Also in wdl any kind of stress real or imagined can amplify/trigger wdl symptoms.

 

I wouldnt take anything personally from your managers actions. Just treat it as water of a ducks back. Your health and tapering situation is far more important. In fact look on the bright side she has done you a favor by reducing your involvement at work.

I would do all i could to keep the job... don't rock any boats  and keep a low profile.

 

So for your numbered points;

1. I double down on withdrawal.

2. I guess you have two options

a. You could wait for another month before doing the drop . I mean you have just come off a benzo taper and a drop in the remeron

b. Go ahead and do another drop. What if symptoms worsen? You might have your job ripped off you with no say in the matter ...thats what ad wdl can do to people. The doc then might  put you back on a benzo and you might be told to double the dose of the remeron. How would you feel about that?

 

I would be tempted to put the holiday on hold. You are making an assumption that the stress is work related. What if it is wdl related. Then a 2 week holiday wont make any difference. A worst case scenario may be you drop and have two weeks holiday but be unable to go back to work cos the wdl can last for months. 

 

on the other hand you could argue i have only been on rem for two months why stay on longer than i have to. Good point. But you have been exposed to  several psychotropic drugs for accumulated time longer than 2 months so the situation is not so simple. imo.

 

 i have no other symptoms and my sleep seems stable

But you have discounted the morning anxiety and that may well be a symptom. And if it is then another drop may make it worse...perhaps even difficult to manage.

 

I want to go a bit fast down to 7.5 and then plan a somehow long stop (2-3 months) at that level before continuing 10% again.

I can understand your thinking not sure it works like this.

 

So here's what i reckon. Morning anxiety is wdl. Do all you can to keep the job. Dont initiate any confrontations and if you see one coming back off. Put the holiday on hold.

In terms of drop or hold ....your call, you roll the dice you take your chances.

 

Good luck whatever you decide. Not easy decisions for sure. 

 

nz11

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NZ11 Hi friend.

 

Thanks a lot for your detailed answer.

 

As far as my holiday is concerned i really need i have to take it. These 3-4 months have been the worst in my life and i really need some days off every possible stress.

 

I do not have anxiety every morning, it is spread out in different days but on some days i feel it a bit higher and i think it should be due to WD as well as my situation. I have to confess that i really got scared with the idea of taking an AD and it is that which drove me mad most of the time. When i did the first drop of Remeron i literally started to feel good, and even though it was a big drop from 15 to 12.8 I did not feel too much.

 

In terms of WD i know it is a stupid questions but to which medicine i can attribute the anxiety...??? It is really lower then before... but on some mornings it is there. I monitored the withdrawal after my first jump of Remeron and for two weeks i was OK then around the 3-rd week i had two - three not so good nights in terms of sleep and after that i started to stabilize again. If i had a good situation at work i would have continued with the second drop without asking but right now i am with my hands tied and still thinking what i can do.

 

Anyway your suggestions are really good and i will definitely consider them when making my decision.

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Santino,

 

I agree with what nz has posted.  You've had many changes and additions of psych drugs since March. I strongly urge you to consider keeping your Remeron dose at 12.5 mg.

 

Although your Remeron dose reduction of 2.5 mg was 16.7%, I suspect that the benzo withdrawal is causing the anxiety. If it is caused by the Remeron cut, reducing your dose again will make the morning anxiety worse.

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Dear Friends...

 

It is becoming difficult for me.

 

Even though i have one more day at work and then i will go off for two weeks i really feel bad. Not physically but psychologically i am really feeling bad. I tend to think negatively even when i am supposed to be calm. This quarrel with my direct manager last week is really taking its toll and it was not necessary at this moment. I was doing good with my first drop of Remeron at 4th of July and right now do not know how to continue. I tend to Catastrophize with my current work situation as well as the medication and i know that is not good.

 

My manager currently is simply ignoring me or most probably thats what i tend to think because she is calling my staff and directly handling them two three processes. I still do not understand her plan right now but the situation currently is not good. Catastrophizing causes my calm days to not be that calm after all... and i end up worried which some days might cause insomnia or a very short sleep. Yesterday was a good day and i went to the pool with my parents but during the whole time my mind was foreseeing the Monday and the fact that i would be again into the boring work and facing my manager... it is really something that should have not happened. After coming out of acute withdrawals from Bromazepam and starting to feel good the wrong medication and my performance of these 3 months really took a toll.

 

Anyway.... i want to know and be helped on how can I stop the Catastrophizing and Rumination. I try an hypnosis video in youtube for that from Michael Sealy and it seems to work when at home. Anyway i want some real advice on how you are able to stop these Ruminating thoughts which does only bring negativity. I do not want to go and see a doctor regarding my situation. They for sure will up my dossage to 30Mg or augument it with something else and i really do not want to do that. My situation really deteriorates some days. I can not be stable 2-3 days in a row.... :-(((((( which for sure will increase a bit my self confidence to continue with life and taper.

 

PLEASEEEEEE HEEEEEELPPPPPPP

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Dear Friends

 

I went for a short holiday abroad and today is my first day at work. I was somehow OK during my holiday but yesterday the dreading of the idea of me coming back to work made me really anxious. I only slept 2-3 hours last night and in the morning I decided at the last moment that i should definitely come back to work. So far my day has been with not much problems but i am feeling very tired. It seems stopping rumination is a very difficult task for me.... :-( This leads to me feeling depressed some good part of my time. 

 

As on 11th of August i went down to 12 Mg of Remeron and holding there. So far apart from yesterday the sleep has been good but the rumination part is not good. There are moments like today when i feel very tired, or very depressed or both of them. My family is begging me to take some medical leave because i am being stressed a lot at my job due to a micromanaging boss but i am cared that if I go to the doctor and he sees me at this level of depression he will ask me to increase the dose and I am dead end sure i do not want to do that. There are days when i get really scared whether this is real depression or WD. I was doing OK the first days of my first cut but then i had a lot of stress with my manager at work and it destroyed everything. I could have gone faster but now i have to be really careful and i am risking my work place as well due to my poor performance. It is since March that I am not stable yet and i tend to get obsessed quite easily. There are morning when i feel anxious since early in the morning and I find my self checking on my cellphone horror stories of Remeron Withdrawal. This is not good I know but at those moments i can not help it. I Do not have the chest anxiety anymore as it was when i stopped bromazepam... now my anxiety will come slowly building up if i ruminate about Remeron and the next day i will be in a bad position.

 

Anyway i will hold at 12 MG for maybe 2-3 more weeks and see what i will do. I think holiday was somehow helping my situation but i do not know what to do. If i take medical leave it will still end and after 2-3 weeks i have to be back at work and still endure the anxiety of the first day back. 

 

Very sh*tty situation... I am letting a lot of peoples down but they do not really understand the anguish that i am living with every day. Anyway they are helpful. My father and my sis suggesting that if i Have to go Off work for health reasons so be it and we will still try to survive with what we have.... Very stressful situation indeed Meds and depression on one side, My work at another, My little kids and wife at another, A loan to pay and a new small guesthouse business to start so all my savings have gone there... :-(((((

 

VERY VERY SAD.... and not sure if it is WD or REAL.... (I know we are not supposed to believe at the Real Depression aren't we.... ???) :-)

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Santino, I'm glad your time away was beneficial. It definitely seems as if your anxiety is job-related, for good reason.

 

In your next-to-last paragraph, you say that you are "letting people down."  People may be disappointed; any adult who is disappointed about this situation needs to deal with it him/herself. Their emotions and expectations are NOT your responsibility. You are doing your best in a challenging situation. Please give yourself room to be just another human being -- some compassion.

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HI Scally

 

I do not worry too much about letting people down. At the end it is my life. The thing is that during the holiday i started to have some days when i was not thinking at all about the Remeron and my situation and that was quite a good feeling. As long as i am back to work the stress and the odd feelings start to creep in.

 

It seems like i will have no choice but to drop out of work and in that case my financial situation will suffer. I can try to stay here but i am sure with my low selfesteem, a micromanaging manager and a very tired brain this will be an enourmous challenge for my situation.... :-( That is why i relate to it as letting people down.

 

I am really in a bad position now and there are days when i open my eyes in the bed and directly my brain starts Ruminating all the bad scenarios and situations that may arise due to the situation. I really hate myself and the doctor who prescribed this **** to me. I feel deceived and like my life has been taken away. I made a cut at 11th of August and am currently at 12Mg and i was feeling happy about it but then as the day starting work was coming near things still started to get bad again. I am in the middle of a crossroad right now.... a very tough one to decide which road to take.

 

Can i have some HELP please...????!!! Any suggestions would be welcome.

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I'm not quite sure about what kind of help you have in mind.

 

It seems that your main problem at the moment is not so much tapering but your tendency to worry. Drugs or no drugs this will always cause a problem for you so something shoudl be done about it. You mentioned in one of your earlier posts that you took some CBT like therapy. How do you feel about seeking face-to-face help again?

 

There are a lot of free online resources:

 

Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression,...

Free online Cognitive Behavior Therapy lessons

 

http://www.allaboutdepression.com/workshops/CBT_Workshop/CBT_03.html

 

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome/new/splash

 

http://www.allaboutd...shop/index.html

 

I've been working on resolving my issues in a talk therapy for 20 years now and can't recommend it enough.

 

Leaving one's job is a serious decision and not only because of financial reasons. Being on (well deserved) holidays is one thing and being unemployed is an altogether different matter. Lots of room for rumination and no distraction. Working with a therapist you could come up with a strategy of how to reduce work-related stress and improve your self-esteem. You can use this period to build a stronger you.

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Hi bubble

 

Thanks a lot for your reply.

 

It seems I will be forced to quit my job and not because i want to. My manager is currently mad at me thinking that i do not want to perform well and she does not understand that some times i am into a real cog fog of a brain and not able to perform properly. I tried to explain her but she seems to not care at all. So my workplace is becoming really stressful for me and a place where healing can not take place. If i choose to stay here i do not know how i will end up.. :-( I feel very weak right now and can not confront anyone over this situation.

 

On the other side it is true about the rumination in case of no work but within 1-2 months i will start a guesthouse business with 7 rooms at my hometown so most probable in the worse scenario I will still have something to kill my time with but with less stress. This mean more difficult time of paying back the loan to the bank and being far from my family and visiting them once per week but that is what God has planned for us it seems.....:-( If i am able to go off Remeron within 1 - 1.5 years then i can start to look for job on my profile again.

 

About the tendency to worry YES you are right... i have always had that and even before starting these stupid medications i mentioned to the pdoc that i tend to ruminate and the reason i went to the doctor were my panic attacks due to the scare of dependency from xanax. So if she would pull me away from xanax at that time with only 3 weeks of very low usage nothing of this would have ever happened. Anyway i am not able to undo this one so life goes on. There are days when i am calm and positive but there are days when i am really depressed, scared and anxious.

 

Thanks once more. I will try to go through the links you are sending me.

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HI Friends

 

I consulted with the pdoc today and after a 10 minutes meeting he is saying that as i am using only 12Mg of Remeron i can simply cut that in half for one-two weeks and can just drop it. I never went above 15Mg and i was using it for 3.5 months....???!!!!!

 

I was really surprised with his answer and mentioned what i know about AD withdrawal but he played everything down and was really convinced that there will not be any effect. He asked me whether i want to pass this difficult period with medicines or without and as i said without then he is suggesting such thing. Am really confused right now and do not know what to do as i need to have someone to guide me through this tough process. Some more my mental situation is not stable yet. There are moment when i feel like my brain has been drained out and i am unable to take even the simplest of decisions.

 

Please give me an advice.... should i stick to the 10% rule every 3-4 weeks or take my chances with the doctor suggestion...??? Maybe i can be one of the lucky ones to escape withdrawals...

 

All the best

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The reason we, people from all around the world are here asking advice from an internet forum is becasue if we go to a medical professional we will get the kind of advice you got. Actually I got it so many times and it wasn't after it caused me an incredible deal of suffering that I looked for help online.

 

You are entirely free to do whatever you want but you should know by now why we advise 10 % decreases. Personally I don't have any use of psychiatrists with their drug dispensing. I look for therapists who have knowledge of techniques for addressing the real causes of our difficulties: cognitive patterns, emotional trauma, etc.

 

What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms?


How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

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Santino.  Like Bubble , It's hard to keep listening to you talking about your doctor's who have no clue , but then you come back to us wanting some answers. I wouldn't risk destabilizing your CNS by going too fast. 10% is the taper reduction we advise.

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Hi Santino,

 

I too am withdrawing from Remeron and according to the many psychiatrists I have gone to, it is one of the most powerful antidepressants drug out there.  I am also withdrawing from Lamictal as well.   And AliG is right, doctors do not have a clue on what these medications do to us while we are on them and as we come off.  My current psychiatrist actually said to me that they do not know what they do to the brain!

 

After reading your thread, a couple of things come to mind:

 

1. Remeron wd has caused me to be more anxious and ruminative than I ever was before medication.  I have over analyzed everything in my life because of the anxiety caused by wd.  It has gotten better but I understand how hard it is to trust what to do. It sounds like you know what to do but just need a little reassurance that you will be all right.  Sometimes the only way to find out is to take that step. 

 

2. I used to wake up with major morning anxiety and started to wear a sleep mask about 8 months ago.  I can't explain it accurately but from what I have read here and other places, there is something about the morning light creating a jolt to our very compromised nervous systems that cause us to have that early morning anxiety.  It has helped my morning anxiety very much. 

 

3. I have found that going through wd has caused me to reexamine many different areas of my life.  I no longer tolerate bad working environments, unhealthy relationships and extra stress.  I don't mean I am casual about leaving jobs but I can't and won't stay in work environments that are in any way abusive.  Once of unexpected lessons of wd has been all about no longer tolerating bad things in body, mind, and spirit.

 

Hibari

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My Very Dear friends Bubble, ALIG and Hibari

 

Thanks a lot for your comments. You have been a real blessing for me in this difficult situation. That is why i have started to trust your opinions more compared to the ones that doctors are giving me regarding my situation.

 

So far these last 5-6 days i am doing better and my situation seems to be better compared to the previous months. Anyway i am still not out of the woods yet. Right now i have gone to 11Mg of Remeron and my sleep has not been ideal but good. My mental situation is for sure better then when i was taking 15Mg of Remeron even though it might be not only Remeron introduction and its side effects but also benzo withdrawal that i had to live with for the last 2 and half last months. As i am also writing into the benzo forum i normally have checked there as well regarding people's experience with Remeron  for short time users like me and i came to realize that some of them have gone faster then 10% rule due to their short time on the drug.

 

As i have been using Remeron since 10th of May and never increased dosage above 15Mg starting tappering in 4th of July actualy as my signature shows i think making bigger drops is not that senseless. I am really frustrated with the situation as it has really complicated my life for quite a while and risked all that i have fought about within these 40 years of my life at least even the worse happens in terms of job or financial status at least i will have my healthy me back.

 

Below you wil find what one of my friends from Benzobuddies writes to me. He has used Remeron in two occasions and has gone to dossages of up to 30 Mg but has been able to drop it with not many problems. LET ME KNOW WHAT DO YOU THINK. I know i have to work with ACCEPTANCE but at the situation I am it is very difficult. Below my friend's opinion from benzobuddies.org.

 

In my opinion, Remeron is "easier" than benzo drugs.  Although getting off it could be difficult sometimes.  

I think I had similar thought....I was thinking to stop Remeron that time (my first prescription), because I wanted to feel "normal".  Yes, it gave me sleep, but my mood was different.  I was thinking I should take small amount as sleep aid, which I did.  I don't know if it helped but I was sleeping ok at that time, but I was sleepy during the day.  Later (after my recovery), I read somewhere that Remeron must be taken in complete dose, under dosing will make the patient sleepy.  I do not know why.
I stop the Remeron totally, few days or weeks later, and my recovery took longer than it should be I guess.

I think it is safe to follow your doctor advice. 

In my observation, Remeron is very effective at prescribed dose.  

Small dose will make you sleepy in the day.  I had experienced it.  

Remeron does not have withdrawal symptoms as bad as benzos.  But I dislike the unnatural chemical effect during the day.  So I never wanted to be on it regularly.

You are able to work.  That's good news.

If your condition is no longer severe and bearable, then you are on the road to complete recovery.  Decrease medication as per your doc.  

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I am already reducing Remeron slowly since 4th of July and i am currently at 11Mg. I moved down to 12.8 in the begining but i was not stable. Maybe due to benzo withdrawal or maybe also the life problems were contributing to a lot of down moments during that time. I moved to 12mg when i was on holiday (11th of August) with not much effect and after starting the work last wednesday i went down to 11Mg on the 20th of August. Surprisingly i am feeling a lot better in the lower doses then i was on 15 Mg which shows that my depression was not at all natural but benzo induced. Anyway that is just my way of thinking i do not know whether i am right there or not.
 
I am feeling really better since last wednesday with consistent feeling normal days, where depression just lingers here and there with some down thoughts which do not interfere at all with my life. I have noticed that also reading regarding Remeron Withdrawal does not look scary at all to me currently. Today i had a business meeting as my boss is not around and even though i got frightened in the beginning i managed to get in and talk in there quite normal.
 
The only thing that is letting me down currently is that i feel tired, like my brain is calm but already on the verge of shut down, My short term memory is suffering currently and due to tiredness sometime i have difficulties talking as well. there are still mornings when i wake up with a bit of anxiety but definitely not as bad as one month ago. I need to pass those things and then i will feel normal again. Do you think they are withdrawal or something else???
 
Thanks a lot for your answers once again friends. Sorry for being a pain in the .... :-) but these three months have really shaken the whole foundations of my life.

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Santino -- it's good to hear that you're feeling better. It could be the result of a dose reduction or it could be a window.

The Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

I saw your post in Hibari's thread about the techniques you used before your meeting -- congratulations for remembering and DOING them.!

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Hi Scally

 

Thanks for your message.

 

Another not so good night after my good days. I had some nightmares and an interrupted sleep weaking up at 4.30 AM.... then going around in bed until around 7 o clock. Anyway today is not sunny so maybe that plays a role as well. Anxiety level is mild today but thanks God not many ruminative thoughts. I am noticing that after the cut days 4 and 5 are the most problematic and i hope that is the case today as well. As i have been short term on this drug since mid of May and only for 6 weeks on 15 Mg my brain adapts faster then the suggested 3-4 weeks. Most probably my steps in tapering will be faster but sure i have to be careful.

 

Thanks once more and have a good day.

 

Santino

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That sounds like a good plan to me :)

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Dear Friends

 

Is it possible that days 4-5-6 are the ones when you feel worse after each cut?? I know there is no standard rule but for me this seems to be the norm after the last 2 cuts. After the day 5 and 6 i start to get better. Anyway today is my 5th day  and has not been that good somehow, so i need to check out how tomorrow will be and then decide.

 

If I was not depressed in the beginning is it possible that at lower doses i will have more physical W/D then psychological ones or it can be whatever the body and brain decides...??? 

 

Thanks

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It takes about 4 days for the change in dose to reach steady state, or "new normal"  Feeling symptoms starting on day 4 makes sense.

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What keeps me sane is realizing that all of us regardless of our journey and the individual time it takes are going to heal eventually. It's been 8 months since i have quit cold turkey and if i was told this in the beginning like i was i wouldn't have believed it. I thought i was going to lose my mind completely as well as my sanity but i am coming along. The neuron's in the body are well capable of healing itself and will heal itself. We just all need a little time. Each one of us have had to find out on our own according to our bodies what is posing a problem and a hindurance and what isn't. I had to give up caffeine and i just love love love coffee but it was a sacrifice i was willing to make. Anything is worth a try at this point. Windows and waves. Windows and waves but one day the window will be open for good. The ironic part is that it does seem like as soon as one problem goes away,another one if not more triumphant appears and can also seem more prevalent but i have bared witness that it is just the body healing itself. Hearing other stories of a war won is what keeps me going because they or others are no different from me.

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Another "Sleepless Night in Seattle" :-)))))) 

 

It seems my drops give their effects on the days 4-5-6. Today i feel quite normal even though i woke up around 3.00 Am and then had to take Linden flower tea in order to sleep one or two hours more. 

 

I am optimist about the taper so far but pessimist about my overall situation. I am really risking my job position as my boss is quite angry with me or best to say was like 3-4 weeks ago. I do not know how she will react next week when due to work.... :-(((

 

Still toooo many things on the plate for me but as long as life goes on we will find a way.

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Hi Santino.    I understand about the sleepless nights and I get how hard it is, however you are getting some sleep , at least. I think I went about 12 - 18  months - with pretty much none at all. I found that " going with the flow" helped. Don't panic- just accept. Deep breathing and music can be so healing.

 

This is a new one I have found recently :

 

https://youtu.be/fbwGhyTSxCE

 

I love it. It helped me.

Ali

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Day 6 of my third cut...

 

Sleep a bit better, just a small bout of cortisol around 5 -am... but then listening some sleep hypnosis in youtube and not sure whether i managed to drift off up to 7...

 

A bit edgy at work but after lunch i am feeling completely fine.

 

I am not sure because my boss is not around and so far i have had no stress but let's see how it goes this coming Monday. I am hoping i can stick to this taper plan 1 mg every 10 days up to 8 Mg. Then i will lower the increment depending on the feelings.

 

HEY PEOPLE THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR SUPPORT... 

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Glad to hear you're getting a bit of a second vacation while your boss is away. Have a great weekend, Santino.

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Dear Friends

 

I am so worried today that i had a kind of panic attack at work. I went to discuss something with my manager but then she kept me in the office for a while and as we were discussing for an issue my mind was overthinking and i could not concentrate to what she was saying. I had some minor clash and then i felt the tightness in the chest and had the feeling like wanted to run away. Could not hold and just said sorry i am not feeling well and she let me go and calm down at my own office. 

 

I am really mad about this situation. It seems my brain can not relax and on different days any amount of stress do me no good. I slept quite well today and in the morning i had some kind of strange feelings but i was doing OK somehow. I am done with benzos since 9th of June and i do not know to what i can attribute this thing... benzo or Remeron withdrawal or my overthinking mind. On particular days i tend to overthink and today it seems that the discussion with my boss started the cycle again. I feel a tight chest and an anxious feeling again. In such moments i have a very low self esteem and even simple tasks become almost impossible. I was improving the last 2-3 weeks but as soon as this cycle starts i am scared i will go back again to where i was 1-2 months ago.... :-(

 

Sincerely i am not sure what the best course of action should be at this case. Do you have any opinions or advice??

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Scally Thanks for your message.

 

Do you think my problem now is psychological or attribute to some sort of withdrawal??!!

 

There are days when i feel more normal for example like today. Eventhough i did not sleep properly last night today I am feeling better.

 

All the best

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 Hi Santino.  As you move away from the drugs it becomes more important to replace them with new, more natural ways of coping. You have had anxiety for a while. Now that you're off Bromazepam, it would be helpful to you if you can acquire some skills that you can turn to when you feel anxious and therefore not have to resort back to medication as being the answer. Utilizing natural alternatives gives you control over your health and your life in the long term.

 

The link Scally provided is one that I've used extensively throughout this process. It's a great tool and if you can start to implement some of these techniques into your life you will be amazed at how effective they can be.

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

i do not know to what i can attribute this thing... benzo or Remeron withdrawal or my overthinking mind. On particular days i tend to overthink and today it seems that the discussion with my boss started the cycle again. I feel a tight chest and an anxious feeling again. In such moments i have a very low self esteem and even simple tasks become almost impossible. I was improving the last 2-3 weeks but as soon as this cycle starts i am scared i will go back again to where i was 1-2 months ago.... :-(

 

It's hard to say which is benzo or remeron withdrawal. Most likely it is both. You have gone too fast on both. I can understand that you're in a hurry but at the end of the day it has a way of catching up with us. You dropped from 12 - 11mg Remeron in 9 days. That is not what we recommend.

What you're experiencing is withdrawal symptoms. 

It has a windows and waves pattern.

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Some weeks you feel good and others you don't but if you stay stable for a good while and let your system adjust to the many changes that it has had to go through in the last few months then I think you can find a nice functioning W/D normal which will enable you to be very functional in your life as an employee and a father. 

Slow tapering enables this. I would hold for a month or two to let your system catch up with the change in drugs recently. When you are relatively symptom free, then perhaps start tapering again at the recommended 10%. Listen to your body and you will come to know when the right time is.

 

I have found that patience is one of the best qualities to have throughout this journey. It's not easy but it can be learned.

Best wishes,

Ali 

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AliG

 

Thanks a lot buddy. 

 

I checked the link you and scally send me but there are so many other links there that get me confused. Can you please show me some particular technique for my case. Right now apart from the WD world that is new for me, all this time has inflicted a low self esteem which on particular days is the culprit for my panic attack or depression. Anyway as this thing is only happening on particular days i do not think it is a sickness and more related to WD.

 

Please in case you have gone through such info i would be more than glad to have it.

 

All the best buddy.

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Santino.

 

Dr Claire Weekes is recommended. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/10964-the-dr-claire-weekes-method-of-recovering-from-a-sensitized-nervous-system/

Maybe , just start with that.  

 

I also find Eckhart Tolle - " The Power of Now " , helped me to get me through some of the bad patches.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZrN_qC_-yw

 

I have also found yoga invaluable. You don't have to do much .  Just a morning " salutation". I think it's about 9 minutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGXgoW70IB0

 

Walking in the sun is great. Like Yoga , I find it to be a " Moving meditation " . Just start walking and notice the sights / scents and beauty around you. Plug in your music as well and you have everything that you need. Music is a great healer and can lift your mood.

 

Also , play your music when you're feeling down. I guarantee you won't be sad for long. Turn up the volume of your favorite songs. Dance and sing , when no one's watching. LOL.  :blush:

 

Lately , I'm finding that juicing is helping. Just juice up some greens and fruit . It's like " rocket fuel ". You will power through the day !   :) 

Just try at least one thing and see how you go .

Hugs,

Ali

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Hi Santino,

 

I find the easiest way to tapper off Mirtazapine is by using Soltab 15mg tablets.

You dissolve 15mg tablet in 15mls of water.

Take out with the syrange, how much you need. I throw out the rest.

I hope this helps. Best wishes, Hopefull.

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Hi Santino,

 

I find the easiest way to tapper off Mirtazapine is by using Soltab 15mg tablets.

You dissolve 15mg tablet in 15mls of water.

Take out with the syrange, how much you need. I throw out the rest.

I hope this helps. Best wishes, Hopefull.

HI Hopefull

 

I do not have Soltab in my country. I can only get the hard pill and i am already doing it like this. Mixing it with water in a 15Mg/15Ml mixture and then take with the syringe 11Mg. Anyway when i asked about a method above i was referring to some kind method for controlling my anxiety at some particular days and Alig provided three links which i checked and find very very valuable.

 

By the way does drinking chamomile helps...?? I am benzo free since 09.Jun.2016 and i have taken a cup of chamomile almost every morning and sometimes even two during the whole day. Does that help or it slows down the healing due to the attachment with Gaba Receptors...???

 

All the best

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Hi Santino,

I find camomile very soothing.

It is weird, because I have become too sensitive to supplements, herbs, etc. But I don't have any issues with camomile.

How are you doing with tappering off Mirtazapine?

Mindfulness can help with anxiety and listening to nature sounds.

That works for me.

Best wishes, Hopefull.

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