A quick update and a request for asistance....
I am continuning to hold my taper to 12.8 MG of Remeron since 4th of July. The purpose is not that i felt bad going lower then 15 for sure it was better psychologically but i am facing some hard situation.
My manager at work seems to be angry at me and currently is not involving me on projects or directly calls my staff and handles thing by herself. Of course she has the right to do that because my situation during these last 3 -4 months have been terrible. Most of the days i have come to work with a dead brain tired from overthinking and in an medicine induced terrible depression.
So now my situation at work is not at its best but that is affecting my taper. I was planing a jump to 11.2Mg or 11.4 Mg of Remeron this week but it seems i do not have the guts as I do not know how the situation will unfold. I can truly say that when i did the first jump within 2 days i felt better and since that time i have very rarely have had suicidal or depressive thoughts. 15Mg of Remeron was really making me unemotional and that was literally killing me.
I had no depression before this i went to the doctor for anxiety induced by 3 weeks of Xanax very low dosage usage. The situation at my job is really becoming problematic for me now and i am seriously for the safety of my mental health considering even the worse option. I have taken a loan and currently i am almost completing a nice Guesthouse with 7 rooms at my home town and that could be my next option. But this means i will have to leave my wife and two kids at the capital city as she is a lecturer in university and has to keep up the work.
I am really confused right now anyway through all this time my wife has been really supportive and she is saying that if I feel like quitting in order to be able to regain myself with a less metal job then we will survive. I really hate the doctor who put me in all this trouble but right now there are moments where i really feel desperate.
Anyway today is a calm day.. (weekend ahead)... :-) Anyway there are days when i wake up with in the morning with anxiety... it is not strong and it abates during the day but that feeling leaves me weak and depressive for all the day up to the afternoon.
This coming week i am taking two weeks off on Wednesday so most probably i will try to do the jump this weekend and as i will be off i do not think i will have much trouble there.
Anyway let me know what do you think regarding:
1. Is the anxiety in some of the mornings due to my obsessive thinking about this situation or some sort of withdrawal.... ?( i suspect it is the first because I was doing quite well before these misunderstandings with my manager started).
2. Can i continue with my next drop this weekend as long a i have a 2 weeks holiday in front of me and i will be somehow calm from work stress. The first drop just gave me more quality time and currently especially at nights i am calm, i can enjoy watching TV, i have no other symptoms and my sleep seems stable. I want to go a bit fast down to 7.5 and then plan a somehow long stop (2-3 months) at that level before continuing 10% again.
3. I am not asking opinions for my job situations because i know i should buckle up and solve that thing myself... :-).
Let me know guys... impatiently waiting in here...
All the best
Edited by scallywag, 29 July 2016 - 05:07 AM.
added paragraph breaks