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ImpatientlyWaiting


ImpatientlyWaiting

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I am currently DRUG FREE as of June 2016 for a total of 13 months

 

Started on Prozac for a situational depression in 1993. Off of it later for a few years then again put on Prozac in early 2000's.  Reported many side effects to my Dr. who proceeded to medicate me for side effects rather than take me off.  Should have never stayed on for an extended period but he had no plans to remove me and my altered mind never thought well enough to blame the drugs for my health problems.  Following are side effects (I incurred) and drugs prescribed:

 

Gut/Constipation/Nausea - Previcid and other RX antacids

Anal Fissure (from above) - Surgery

Headaches/Migraines - Imitrex

Insomnia - Ambien / Ambien CR

Increase in appetite / Weight Gain - Loads of peanut butter / steaks / pizza and night eating binges 

Cold Symptoms/Sinus infections - Antibiotics - Steroids - Allergy shots and meds for years

Decreased sex drive - Viagra

High Blood Pressure - Lisinopril

 

Was experiencing signs of serotonin syndrome with rage, anger, heart palps, excessive sweating etc.... Started drinking to compensate for the constant agitation from Prozac.  Have not drank since I was a teenager and suddenly in my 40's I am drinking like a fish.  

 

Finally in 2011 I experienced a severe head injury from a bicycle wreck.  Level 3 concussion with seizures.  CAT scan did not indicate any visible serious damage.  Returned to work 3 days later and started having anxiety issues such as lips, feet and hands going numb, visibly shaking, nausea  (still taking 40mg of Prozac after the head injury).  Returned to doctor who prescribed Klonopin. Gave me Adderall to be able to focus at work, Ambien CR to sleep, Tamazepam to use with it when that didn't work. Klonopin at 2 mg "as needed" over the next 2 years turned into 4-7 mg a day "as needed".  Finally after an international trip the jet lag knocked me down for a few days in which I took no meds essentially cold turkeying myself unknowingly as to the journey I was about to begin.  Lost touch with reality.  Couldn't think, had no emotions at all.  Fog was so heavy but tried to keep going.  Remember addressing an auditorium of people at work for 10 minutes and have no clue what I was saying.  After weeks and months of bed ridden illness did I discover the benzo connection via Dr. Heather Ashton's website and began a reinstatement of Klonopin with Prozac and began a liquid taper for the next 2+ years.  Finally off of all benzos October 2014 and finished my Prozac taper May 2015.

 

Currently have sever CNS damage.  Muscle issues with twitching, spasms and extreme tightness.  Dark waves of fear and anxiety.  Still trying to work in a senior technical role for a large I.T. organization.  Have been working remotely for 2 years and taking time off as needed which is weekly.  Unable to travel much.  Used to be athletic and ride 50+ miles a day on a bicycle, run 10k-15k and half marathons.  Trips across the country on motorcycle.  Now a trip to the store on a motorcycle will leave me for days recovering from a racing heart, tremors, muscle pain, inability to focus etc...  I have improved from being bed ridden.  I have windows like the spring of 2016 when I was able to backpack and hike for several weekends thinking as we all do it was over only to find myself back in the wave and struggling to survive today.

 

Thus I have found this place, a place of victims like myself that just want their life back.  Want to be normal again and live.  

 

As I stated above I am drug free and had a physical Feb 2016.

 

I have gone from 6'1" (my height has not changed)

260 lbs to currently 215 lbs and dropping.

BP was 120/80

Intermittent digestive issues but no meds.

Insomnia is rare.

Congestion most days but no allergy shots, no over the counter meds, no steroids.

No need for Viagra but low to none sex drive.

Migraines are mild and do not require medication.

No health issues reported from physical, no meds, just lots of withdrawal issues tied to CNS issues.

RAGE is gone.  I am back to being who I was before the meds. A compassionate, loving human being that just doesn't have the ability to relax due to withdrawal.

 

What more can I say.  I still see the same Dr. because I want him to see my recovery.  He has to see I do not take anything he has prescribed anymore and my physical health continues to improve.  

 

I have been taking fish oil and magnesium.  Not sure if that is good or not after reading conflicting ideas hear. 

 

I wish you all well and healing.

 

Prozac 40mg for 20 years - Drug free as of May 2015 - Liquid micro-tapered for 18 months

Klonopin 2-7mg per day - 2011 - Oct 2014  Drug free now Liquid micro-tapered for 2 years.

Temazepam 2011 - 2012 Drug free C/T

Ativan intermittent 2012-2013 Drug free C/T

Ambien 2006 - 2013 - Drug free C/T

 

Withdrawal symptoms persist although I am off all medications. 

Windows and Waves - Life and Dysfunction

 

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Thank you for sharing your story ImpatientlyWaiting...I am sorry you are still suffering but it is wonderful that you 

have got back to being the compassionate being you were before meds. Like you I have improved from being bed ridden 

but if I do anything too strenuous it can put me back there for a couple of days.

 

I do believe that we all heal but it it is certainly the toughest thing I have had to deal with in my life 

and I have not had an easy one ! 

 

Cheering you on and hoping that you continue to improve.

 

Bruin

Anti Depressants for  25 years. Valium between 2006 to 7 tapered off over a month without too bad withdrawals.

For last 15 years 150 mg of Effexor and 30 mg of Mirtazapine. Occasional short term benzo use without habituation.

March 2015 stopped Effexor after rapid taper. 6 weeks. 

One month fluoxetine June 2015...stopped CT July 2015.

October 2013 to December 2015 Zopiclone 15 mg at night,

Dec 2015 to Early March 2016 Lyrica 75 mg at night. 

Stopped too quickly as  adverse side effects.

January to May 2016 tapered Zopiclone to 7.5mg 

Crossed over to Valium and now ..March 28th 2017 Benzo Free.

Also on 30 mg Mirtazapine and holding until have finished Benzo taper.

IN protracted WD from Effexor.

 

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Thanks Bruin.  I had no idea the amount of time or suffering I signed up for when I took that first pill.  Getting off has been the hardest but best thing I have ever done. I have read a lot and continue to do so.  It helps so much to talk to others when Dr.'s and therapist want to deny the problem.  I have found that to be one of the hardest things to deal with is the constant denial from the establishment.  I can't change it so I can only raise awareness and learn to deal with in my small feeble little brain.  I expect total recovery, I am learning to accept it for what it is and to bide my time until I heal.  Nothing else I can do.  This time will pass whether I fight it or try to make the journey as peacefully as possible.  

 

The depression and anxiety, waves and windows can be so difficult to deal with.  Knowing how much time I have lost on them and how long it takes to heal.  Just hate it for everyone.  Oh how I wish.....

Prozac 40mg for 20 years - Drug free as of May 2015 - Liquid micro-tapered for 18 months

Klonopin 2-7mg per day - 2011 - Oct 2014  Drug free now Liquid micro-tapered for 2 years.

Temazepam 2011 - 2012 Drug free C/T

Ativan intermittent 2012-2013 Drug free C/T

Ambien 2006 - 2013 - Drug free C/T

 

Withdrawal symptoms persist although I am off all medications. 

Windows and Waves - Life and Dysfunction

 

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Wow,

 

This is inspiring to hear.

 

"I had no idea what I signed up for when I took that first pill"...isn't that the truth? Had we all known how toxic these drugs are, they might not be legal any more; it blows my mind that they are legal and allowed to ruin so many lives, while natural ways of healing are suppressed and not paid for by insurance companies, or endorsed by doctors, so the devastation continues!

 

Kudos for sticking with your doctor so he can "see you be healthier without all the meds he prescribed."Oh, how I wish I could back to that place. I would make it my mission to stop this needless suffering and start helping people in ways that "first do no harm."

 

Thank you for sharing your struggle; you have come so far. You seem like an awfully compassionate person already! You didn't need to go through this to be that way....I can tell. In fact, I think it is the gentler souls among us who often fall prey to this pharmaceutical nightmare.

 

I wish you steady healing. You will be fine. It is evident, though you can't feel it.

 

Grace

  • amitriptyline from 1980-2002,
  • intermittent  use of benzos over 2 decades prior to 2002
  • 2002-2010 Klonopin 1-2 mg., ambien 10--20, mg, remeron 4 mg. and  trileptal 300 mg
  • 2011 Stopped ambien and crossed over to valium 17.5 mg. (updosing 2.5 mg. to cover ambien C/T )
  • tapered valium w/ long holds to 12.74 mg. from a high of approximately 20-30 mg/day
  • 2015-2023 tapered trileptal to 98 mg.  had to completely stop tapering due to multiple chronic, serious health issues
  • currently 2024 still on 98 mg. trileptal and 4 mg. remeron
  •   Currently on benzo hold as I have to cross-over from brand-name valium to generic diazepam.   The diazepam is way weaker and brought on severe acute w/d
  • Current dose of diazepam is 7.9 and valium is 6.6.  I had to up-dose the total valium/diazepam from 12.74 to 14.5 where I have stayed since June 2023.  I am crossing over to generic at a somewhat tolerable rate of .3mg/month after about 2 months of trial/error w/ updosing.  I am not currently tapering; will continue to cross over. 

 

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You know, I recently read a book "Quiet" The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking - by Susan Cain.  I found many references to the brain of introverts and their reaction to meds very interesting.  It helped me understand why it doesn't happen to everyone and why some are really over sensitive to these medications.  Not always the case but in instances it is.  It was a good read and helped me understand my true self not the chemical maniac the drugs converted me to for so many years.  It would be good for others that have seen changes in themselves from the medication to read and understand.  I know I have been an intelligent introvert since I was a child but was pushed so far out of my character by Prozac.  Then of course when you play "Tug-o-War" with the brain using SSRI's, Speed like Adderall and downers like Benzo's all in the same day.  WoW! What are doctors thinking will happen?  Kids go to school and commit acts of violence, people do all kinds of things out of character because their brain is so pushed and pulled.  Sad few in a place to do something about will act because of the money involved.  All about the money....

Prozac 40mg for 20 years - Drug free as of May 2015 - Liquid micro-tapered for 18 months

Klonopin 2-7mg per day - 2011 - Oct 2014  Drug free now Liquid micro-tapered for 2 years.

Temazepam 2011 - 2012 Drug free C/T

Ativan intermittent 2012-2013 Drug free C/T

Ambien 2006 - 2013 - Drug free C/T

 

Withdrawal symptoms persist although I am off all medications. 

Windows and Waves - Life and Dysfunction

 

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  • Member

Hi IW,

 

I lost track of your thread after you joined, I meant to look you up after your caring PMs to me.

 

That book sounds familiar..... or I recently read some article on the internet about that concept of introverts. Now that I think of it, it was an article about how introverts who are team leaders tend to promote more idea generating from their team members and extroverts tend to have people following the few ideas only they come up with. Something like that....

 

I think the reasons many of us get put on drugs to begin with are so complex and unfortunately, they seem to be the best idea at the time. I know that in my case, the last stint I had on drugs for depression (4th episode) found me on a SNRI which had the effect of dulling my perceptions and erasing anxiety and self doubt, at least in the beginning. I was able to become self employed and supported myself with 2 businesses I started up, essentially being self taught and there was no doubt in my mind I was capable at them and my customers reflected that.

 

But those drugs have a long term effect of dulling your perceptions and you don't realize you aren't really managing things well. At least that is what happened to me.

 

I shall go now and read the rest of your thread and see ow you have come to be here and if I can add anything I think might help I will do so.

 

Edited to add:

 

Oh Oh Oh you have written my story! (except I did not get a lot of the serious conditions you got) yet I was surely on my way there.

 

But something tells me YOU GOT IT. You understand at a deep level it was the drugs you were given that had a hand in all those things that happened to you.

 

I am living proof that there is recovery (and Monica of "Beyondmeds.com" has an even more inspiring story), it just takes such a long time.

 

I am so glad you have found us!

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Yes, I understand it was the drugs.  No doubt about it.  Wish I had figured it out 20 years ago but I have to be glad I now know.  :)  I am healing and a bad wave seems to be passing currently.  After 3 weeks I am enjoying life again and able to think and spend time with family again.  It will go away, I will heal and I will be well again.  Just the facts.  I will not give up!!!  Not gonna let it win.  I am better than this and so is everyone else that has had this happen to them.  Thanks for the response.  I will have to get more familiar with the site.  Still trying to find my way around and learn how to find old threads etc...  Have a good weekend Cymba!

Prozac 40mg for 20 years - Drug free as of May 2015 - Liquid micro-tapered for 18 months

Klonopin 2-7mg per day - 2011 - Oct 2014  Drug free now Liquid micro-tapered for 2 years.

Temazepam 2011 - 2012 Drug free C/T

Ativan intermittent 2012-2013 Drug free C/T

Ambien 2006 - 2013 - Drug free C/T

 

Withdrawal symptoms persist although I am off all medications. 

Windows and Waves - Life and Dysfunction

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

You have a beautiful vibe of acceptance and peace already, ImpatientlyWaiting. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

I wish I had known about how these drugs worked many years ago, too. The constant misdiagnosis, the drugs, the hospitals, etc. all could have been avoided. We have indeed paid a huge price, but there do seem to be ways of finding meaning and peace of mind in spite of it all. 

 

I have the book you mentioned, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, on my book "wish list".  I have a schizoid personality thrown into a mix of a dozen or more psych diagnosis. When I worked in the corporate world, being too quiet and reclusive was a problem. But in the non-profit world, being an introvert and thinking differently is validated. I can see so many changes in psychiatry over the past 30 years that I was in the system - the diagnosis are now very corporate and really not meant for human consumption. As you and others have written, this journey off meds has been an eye opening experience. Being off meds is now allowing me to see it for what it is. 

 

You've already gained a lot of knowledge and reading, but I'm going to place a few links here in case you haven't already seen them. 

 

What is withdrawal syndrome? 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

In the opening post, you mentioned fish oil and magnesium, so feel free to read and to post on these threads:

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

There are many non-drug ways of handling symptoms now that you are off drugs that may make this journey a bit easier. 

 

Non-drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

This is your thread to use to post about symptoms and to ask questions. I'm glad you're here for support. 

 

 

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I can't agree with Shep more, IW, that your faith, strength and positive altitude are all very encouraging to others! I love your determination in beating up the horrodous situation we all are put into!

 

Very impressive achievement getting off all the poisons in a relative short time! You are a fighter and very inspiring!

 

It's great you are already in the windows and waves phase, it sounds your healing is going very well.

 

Have you been working during these to years of tapering?

 

Hope to hear more great news from you and the time you can go back on your bike rides and marathon!

 

Hugs

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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i love this thread i know I've only been off my meds for 3 months but its helping me so much to not feel alone as i go thru this crazy world of WD.. Im very frustrated and saddened that i can't really talk to any of my friends.  I know they really mean well but how do you explain that going to the gym basically had me with twitching legs and not being able to sleep for 3 nights now.. Whenever i talk to one of my friends and try and tell them why i went off they don't really understand and say that may i should try one of the newer drugs.. that maybe that will help me. 

 

Know one believes me when i tell them that it could take a year before i feel better.. they tell me that it probably is my brain chemistry and that its proven that these meds help people.

2007 started 40 mg of prozac was on it for 7 years

may 2016 went off my prozac

tapered from 40-20 for 2 months 20-10 for a month then 10 for a month

now I'm taking omega 3 fish oil using magnesium spray

taking calcium lactate and alternating melatonin and tryptophan for help with falling asleep

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I stopped talking to whoever don't understand including my family. Some ppl simply won't get it regardless.

Luckily, I have friends who can understand and are very supportive.

 

That's another reason this forum is so important and helpful as we understand each other with real experience.

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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I totally relate to this . I have had to cut out a family member who I thought would be so supportive of me but it just turns out that when I needed the support I wasn't there to support her any longer and she turned against me. Saying that I needed serious help and that if I was like this reducing I should go back on the Ads.

She didn't understand my decisions. It has impacted on the whole family. But I've had to cut all contact to protect myself from the drama.

Dec 2005 prozac following period of bullying by collegue 2006 changed to Citalapram 20- increased to 40mg

April 2014 decision to come off A.D. Gp appointment swapped to seralatine (lustral)50 as a means of getting off A.D .

raised to 100. 14.7.14 5 weeks taper on doctors recommendation.28th July finished reduction. 4.8.14- 9.9.14 severe withdrawal effects. 13.10.14 reinstatement of 20mg Prozac.dec 2014 started gradual taper 10% every 3 weeks. 14.9.15 1.6 ml currently. Some minor withdrawal effects but holding firm. 10% reduction every 3 weeks. Reached .8 experienced withdrawal symptoms held for longer . 7.4.16 currently on .7ml Prozac. More difficult the lower you go. 25.7.16 holding at .57 ml for a while as period of stress and withdrawal.

2.9.16 Hip operation prescribed codeine and paracetamol for the pain. Stopped after three weeks for fear of addiction. following period of instability and withdrawal symptoms updosed to 1. Ml 28.10.16.

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i found some good you tube videos by a few phychatrists that go into depth about the reality of the serotonin chemical imbalance myth.. They talk about how it isn't true and the drugs that were suppose to help us actually created the problem.. I found them to be really helpful in feeling like i wasn't losing my mind. That after getting off my prozac my symptoms were actually much worse than they were before i started taking them. Unfortunately i sent links to some close friends but they kept saying they would watch them but surprise non of them have.. I guess its hard for people to change their minds when they have been indoctrinated into a belief system but we know the truth since we are the ones who have done the field research..

 

joanna moncrieff is one name and peter breggin is another if you do a search

2007 started 40 mg of prozac was on it for 7 years

may 2016 went off my prozac

tapered from 40-20 for 2 months 20-10 for a month then 10 for a month

now I'm taking omega 3 fish oil using magnesium spray

taking calcium lactate and alternating melatonin and tryptophan for help with falling asleep

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Yes, Dr. Moncrieff and Dr. Breggin are great sources of information.

 

Have you read Robert Whitaker's book "Anatomy of an Epidemic"? That's another great one. Whitaker also has a number of videos out on YouTube.

 

Here's a good one:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wd3_Iq8P3Fo

 

It's really shocking how this has played out. I have two friends that I got to listen to this, but they were already major skeptics of Western medicine. For the most part, people can't understand this because it would mean losing faith in their doctor, and in a way, that's like losing faith period, or as you wisely said, they've been "indoctrinated". We all are raised to believe that doctors are healers, life savers. What we've found out runs contrary to that entire belief system and that's a hard sell. 

 

But you've got lots of people on this forum who will be happy to discuss this with you. You are definitely not alone. 

 

 

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thanks shep,

This online support group has been such a huge help to me.. Especially in the beginning when i thought i was going crazy because i was told i wouldnt have any issues..She the doctors actually made real light of it poo poo me. Saying we don't tell our clients how easy it is to get off of prozac because they would all want to go on it.. what???? So yes i thought it was just me going crazy and that i had a real mental disorder and was going to have to check myself in to the hospital for suicidal thoughts.. life felt so hopeless..I have to say i had my first window just two days ago and it lasted a whole evening.. Since then i haven't thought about checking out of this life.. 

 

But my anger at the medical profession that led into this whole mess isn't going away at all.. they don't even acknowledge there is an issue. and they try to shut doctors up that want to write or talk about it.. I guess this website is the first step in a long line of things that need to happen.. So that more people don't think they are losing it and get put on more meds and compounding the problem... so it takes even longer.

2007 started 40 mg of prozac was on it for 7 years

may 2016 went off my prozac

tapered from 40-20 for 2 months 20-10 for a month then 10 for a month

now I'm taking omega 3 fish oil using magnesium spray

taking calcium lactate and alternating melatonin and tryptophan for help with falling asleep

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