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GiaK Radical, Transformative Healing of Body/Mind/Spirit


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Expertly guided by the genius of my DNA

 

first posted on Beyond Meds: https://beyondmeds.com/2017/03/12/expertly-guided/

 

Healing is, among other things, a process of creating new mitochondria and new neural pathways. The body is transformed. I’ve never been here before — expertly guided by the genius of my DNA.

 

Healing in part for me is a deep acknowledgement and acceptance of my animal nature. I am interdependent with all of life just like any other creature on this earth. This understanding when taken in deeply and profoundly is as painful as it is liberating and therefore joyful too.

 

Homeostasis is not possible when one is on a radically healing path…healing is, by necessity, constant change.

 

Courageously move forward and into every feeling you ever were unable to feel due to oppressive circumstances. Feel them, let go and be free. Our nervous systems have recorded each and every instance of repression and denial. We have a store of tension from our ancestors as well. This store of repressed emotions, denial, violence etc is stored in our DNA. It is our “karma” …to be transmuted in this lifetime. Following its indications is intuition.

 

More reading:

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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Wow GiaK...........great post and writing and I agree!!

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • 1 month later...

new post for this thread: first posted here: https://beyondmeds.com/2017/04/20/animates-life/

 

an email I sent to a friend I decided to share here as well:
 

Seems my thoughts as they’ve pertained to my healing process have been essentially planted by life-force so that I would achieve through my responses to my somatic experience, what was needed to heal the whacked out nervous system, gut, and immune systems etc. Never has it mattered if anything was clinically true or not…what mattered was that the narrative made sense to my ego so that I would follow directions and ultimately heal. 
 

Given the nature of this healing trip which has required insane amounts of blind faith and multiple near death experiences (I don’t generally talk about that because it’s too hard to believe for most people) it was the only way that an intelligent life-force (DNA instincts of some sort perhaps) could guide me to well-being.
 

It’s still a difficult process for the animal/ego bits that remain.
 

Intuition is always guided with lots of data collection of many different kinds. It does not happen in a vacuum. We need one another in a myriad number of ways, but it’s not always in the ways that convention dictate. For me it’s rarely in the ways that convention dictate.
 

Mystery prevails.
 

***

More related posts:
 

Seems a good time to share my latest video again as well since it really speaks to this idea as well.

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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Hi GiaK, 

 

I find your experiences completely and utterly believable. I think all those cascades of intrusive flashbacks have some sort of purpose. It's my understanding that some people may want to deal with them as chemical reactions and cascades, but, to me, it seems that there's some cryptic logic behind those memories that is something that begs to be addressed and worked with. Like many people who have gone through difficult, depressive phases, this depression is a teacher of sorts. In my early 20's I stumbled upon Stephen Levine's  "A Gradual awakening", and it was like a Bible of sorts to me. I am now fully aware how what we call depression/anxiety disorders really take root in an unhealed trama, and the inability to find someone to open up about it when it happened. And some of those initial wounds are so different from one person to another that I feel that the types of psych meds or even the order of psych meds many people end up on can be an indicator of manifestation of that trauma. It's something I've been thinking about over the last few days as the ativan dosage slowly drops and I keep remembering more and more of my life. Like Styron said in his interview with Charlie Rose. "You don't dredge these up. They pop up"  :)

Prozac 1997- 2013, stopped after 1 month short-taper. 

Ativan  0.5mg intermittent use, end of 2010 - end of 2014

Ativan  up to 2-3mg/day Dec 2014/Jan 2015

Partial Valium crossover: down to 0.5mg/day Ativan and 10mg/day Valium (2015-2017)

(2/2018 - 10/2018, tapered down Valium from 10mg to 3.75mg Valium per day) (HOLDING at 3.75mg/day)

(10/2018) - Ativan 0.5mg a day (HOLDING @ 0.5mg since mid 2017)

11/2018 - Cut valium to 2.5mg a day

3/23/2019 - Cut Buspar from 20mg to 15mg/day (intense symptoms)

4/4/2019 - Updosed Buspar from 15mg to 17mg

4/13/2019 - Ativan - 0.48mg/day

4/17/2019 - Buspar down to 16mg/day

4/24/2019 - Buspar down to 15mg/day

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Hi AwareButStruggling,

 

this is totally an awakening process for me, yes. you got it. Every bit of it can be put to good use and  s h i t, given what an ugly experience it is, it's the silver lining of sorts. I would never recommend this path to anyone in any case and continue to advocate for gentler means...(of course that goes without saying   ;)

 

all this heinous physical stuff has correlates in the psyche I've found. the drugs engrave those negative pathways forged by traumas far deeper into our neural networks as far as I can tell so the unraveling of it all becomes rather behemoth. 

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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I surely wouldn't recommend this method of awakening to anyone, either. It definitely didn't have to happen this way for me, as well. It could have been achieved the other ways. I think honoring my own sensitivity and learning how to be at peace with myself when I was not at peace with myself were the key. I still have a very ambivalent relationship about Prozac, which I took for many years. It seemed like a good decision at the time, and it didn't unravel my life the way Ativan had, for example. I don't recall Prozac being as creativity zapping and life altering as benzodiazepines ended up being for me. Not being anti or pro medication in any sense, but being on one psych med (Prozac) for many years wasn't soul destroying for me. Apparently, taking it was a sign that just practicing mindfulness and awareness simply wasn't enough, and that perhaps, cultivating loving and kindness towards myself was very much needed. For many years, I was in a place I loved to help others, but there was something lacking when it came to helping myself, not realizing that I had that power in me, and that resorting to external help rather than reaching deeper within was not necessarily the answer. Of course, it's scary as hell to reach within. Our emotional defense mechanisms are so finely attuned. There is a sense of grief I feel that when I reached out for medical help and was given ativan, I actually, most likely didn't need it. What I needed to realize was that I was going through another transformation and a challengnig period in life that needed to be embraced instead of being tranquilized.Easier to say with the hindsight, but I had already built up a lot of emotional backlog (yes, sensitive people are extremely good at doing just that), which had to be dealt with sooner rather than later. I am not sure that even seeing a conventional therapist would have helped. It was a time to put all self-help books aside, put all the other "coping skills" aside, and just give myself more time to reflect on things and find my own truths, rather than absorbing various opinions and advice from so many different sources. Healthy boundaries were something that I clearly needed. I do believe in something called a "healthy ego". Not necessarily thinking how amazing person I am or what not, but having a healthy ego in a sense of having healthy boundaries and recognizing where my own traumas ended and where the other person's began. Essentially, not being an emotional sponge, but actually recognizing and validating other people's suffering, without having to make it my own. Generally opening the heart to others, but also realizing how other people's narratives and emotions were affecting me internally.

Prozac 1997- 2013, stopped after 1 month short-taper. 

Ativan  0.5mg intermittent use, end of 2010 - end of 2014

Ativan  up to 2-3mg/day Dec 2014/Jan 2015

Partial Valium crossover: down to 0.5mg/day Ativan and 10mg/day Valium (2015-2017)

(2/2018 - 10/2018, tapered down Valium from 10mg to 3.75mg Valium per day) (HOLDING at 3.75mg/day)

(10/2018) - Ativan 0.5mg a day (HOLDING @ 0.5mg since mid 2017)

11/2018 - Cut valium to 2.5mg a day

3/23/2019 - Cut Buspar from 20mg to 15mg/day (intense symptoms)

4/4/2019 - Updosed Buspar from 15mg to 17mg

4/13/2019 - Ativan - 0.48mg/day

4/17/2019 - Buspar down to 16mg/day

4/24/2019 - Buspar down to 15mg/day

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thank you. yes, here is to learning our own truth! ...it's all held within us and that part is a beautiful thing to discover...if also a difficult path to find ourselves on.

 

I made a little post...expanding on my last response...thank you for the inspiration...I take it from where it comes...the post is here...it expanded on the last comment I made and then I added additional tidbits:  https://beyondmeds.com/2017/04/22/freedom-from-pharma/

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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NEW POST
 

Thank god for Dr. Google & Gut bacteria tell the brain what animals should eat

 

 

For people like me it is illness that calls us to wellness and waking up.
 

Thank god for Dr. Google. Seriously. And to hell with those who glance side-ways at those of us who’ve learned to doctor ourselves.
 

We commit *science* via observations of our own bodies everyday. We learn by coming up with hypothesis and then utilizing trial and error fueled by ever-growing body-felt sense intuition. Our discernment of what we need in order to heal grows in this fashion.
 

Since it was pharmaceuticals that gravely injured me it’s easy for me to make the choice for non-pharma solutions whenever possible. Indeed, I actually no longer tolerate virtually all pharmaceuticals. My body gets sick — in its wisdom of what it needs it rejects that which poisoned it now. It’s far bigger than “me.” It’s my DNA being allowed to express itself (or something like that anyway…I tread lightly around belief and know I know nothing really).

 

In any case, the more I learn about chronic illness in general (in the population at large as well as in my own body), the more I see how much of it correlates with choices we make as a society and a collective. So even when symptoms of illness seem to appear radically diverse there are actually often many root similarities.

 

I don’t wish this journey on others so I now speak out that people might be aware of their choices before they might otherwise become ill or more ill.

 

This doesn’t mean there are not times when pharma is appropriate … it means that becoming conscious of options allows for better outcomes in the long run. In this world of kaleidoscopic reality what might be right for me may be poison for you and vice versa…we need only learn to trust our own experience…and then trust that of others too. Live and let live. Let life unfold. Let the mystery reveal itself.

 

Yes, the body will reveal all sorts of things when we learn to listen. It’s got millions of years of stored knowledge in it’s DNA. Allow the mystery and we learn so much more than we can by only reading and studying by conventional means. I find that doing both…listening mindfully to the body AND conventional study make a much more effective pairing. When we allow intuition to guide our more conventional study there is no stopping us.

 

***

On another somewhat related note I am sharing an article from Phys.org — Gut bacteria tell the brain what animals should eat

 

A friend shared the above article with me. I responded with this:

 

Yes, we are animals too. I feel my microbiome. Both the good and bad bacteria. I’ve learned to listen and discern what my gut is saying to me in order to continue healing my entire being…nervous system and brain too. I have some weirdly acute interoceptive capacities. I’ve not yet met anyone else who can keep up with that I’m experiencing though I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’ve written to academics who’ve written papers on interoception but I get the feeling even they don’t know what I’m talking about. I imagine I’ll meet others who do at some point. I meet more and more people everywhere that help me figure all that is happening on this healing journey when the time is right, it seems.  (articles on gut and gut healing here)

 

More on related topics:

An earlier collection too: Information and inspiration for the chronically ill 

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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new little mini post: first published here: https://beyondmeds.com/2017/04/30/psychiatric-labels-2/

 

Psychiatric labels don’t make sense anymore

 

We are kaleidoscopic beings — endlessly variant. Social, political, psychological, ecological, cultural, biological all having impact.
 

When we don’t engage our kaleidoscopic reality in a very active way – thinking we understand anything at all is ridiculous.

 

Everything Matters — it’s the meme I use as a title for my work because it encapsulates our essence..

***

SEE HERE: Psychiatric labels don’t make sense anymore

Once you label me you negate me…  (Kierkegaard)

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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  • 1 month later...

New post for this topic:

 

Body and brain are incredibly weird and fringe – astonishingly beautiful and horrifying too – Everything Matters: Beyond Meds https://beyondmeds.com/2017/06/18/incredibly-weird-and-fringe/

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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:)  I just used the word weird/weirdness myself in my intro/journal entry.  Like minds think alike I suppose.  I am working on the words I use, as well........seems to make a difference.

 

Love, peace, recovery/healing, and growth,

 

manymoretodays

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Love, peace, recovery/healing, and growth, to you too manymoretodays! 

 

here is some more stuff from another post just published: 

 

From inside out to outside in…that’s what healing is doing.
Rewiring for dealing with reality starting from within rather than without.
When gut lining and brain barrier is compromised there is only porousness…it is reflected in the psyche manifesting as poor boundaries…
 

***
 

This is what is happening. I’ve never had a sense of self. That’s the part that gets labeled “mentally ill.” I woke up anyway.
Healing involves doing the opposite of what Buddhism (generally) teaches. It means coming back into the body and integrating the self from no-self rather than the other way around. It is not about losing the self because that self never was…in that way we are both ahead of “normies” and not too…The biggest problem is normies don’t know how the **** to help us and are in fact dangerous to us…
 

***
 

I’ve never wanted to preach to the choir. Really I have no interest in preaching. Writing is more exorcism than anything else. Sometimes it also happens to be helpful to others.
 

***

When people trigger us they may not be dangerous/nasty/whatever – it may simply mean that we are afraid…When we are fearless we see that no one is inherently dangerous/nasty/violent whatever…
 

***

Like it or not, it’s only in my woundedness that I know the things I know. In the process of deep acceptance of this clarity comes.
 

***
 

The body and the body’s wisdom has been shunned and abused for decades now. SHE speaks through the body and she speaks through stories, metaphor, science, philosophy and my any means necessary…ancient and modern. SHE has as many languages as there are human beings and if we can be flexible we can hear her in every human being alive right now. And even if we are largely in touch with our own bodies relative to the larger human family, inasmuch as we do not hear her, see her, feel her, right now, in everybody we encounter we are not awake.

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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Let your pain speak

price-and-power-title-400x400-e149832099

Let your pain speak. Pain management is often necessary and grounded in kindness and mercy. Pain avoidance on the other hand will go too far. Learn to walk that line.

The entire medical system, both for physical and mental health, is largely based on pain avoidance-it’s not sustainable. We must feel to deeply heal.

Fact is, healing hurts sometimes…this is okay.
 

See also:

***

When I feel deeply into the pain of needing to eat animals on occasion it’s the greatest lesson in the paradoxical nature of life/death, sacrifice.

***

Organic, non-gmo, pastured raised local chicken broth/soup with celery, fennel, reishi mushrooms, astragalus, cumin, fennel seed, coriander, celery seed, carrots, seaweed, nettles, oatstraw and more…cooked three hours for all the brain and gut healing goodness from the bones to go into the broth……homemade medicine is sooooo good.

***
 

Newsflash: spiritual, physical, emotional, biological, mental, physiological…call it what you want – it’s all the same thing…

And then? It’s all chicken or the egg from there…who the heck knows how it all started or why.

***
 

As I heal my gut and blood/brain barrier I find that I am pulled into less and less drama. Boundaries…total mirror in the psyche. Beautiful.

the above one liner was a thought I had after posting this too:

From inside out to outside in…that’s what healing is doing.
Rewiring for dealing with reality starting from within rather than without.
When gut lining and brain barrier is compromised there is only porousness…it is reflected in the psyche manifesting as poor boundaries…

it was the  biofilm acting as mucosa and gut lining that was saving and killing me both…an artificial boundary of the compromised being – switching from biofilm to newly grown mucosa lining is an act of great destruction and creation both.

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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probiotics were a saving grace for me more than once for different things... 

research repeat

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • 1 year later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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me? I'm okay...things have been very trippy. I was really sick and miserable for 8 months after the ICU stay and then it all shifted...things have gotten back on track...though my body went straight into another hard-core detox...just demands a very hard-core cleansing diet with some supps etc. That is actually what really led to the ICU stay...my detox pathways couldn't keep up and I got too sick to manage. This time I know what I'm doing...or my body does...I can't say exactly what I'm doing except that a decade of mindfulness and study has really taught me to respond to my body. It went into detox mode on it's own...I have learned how to largely keep detox pathways open but it's also a lot of work. I can't really believe how detox can go on forever...I think it's largely because I've not been able to totally heal my gut and I produce a fair amount of endogenous toxins just by eating. And I still don't tolerate really extreme detox measures so eating keeps things going slowly...it's all moving in the right direction again, however.

 

this was my end of year message on my site:
 

"December 25th was the anniversary of the day I was in ICU almost dead last year. I was fearing winter most of the year but it’s turned out far better than I expected. I am alive today…following the love of life-force within me that continues to heal this body which remains challenged (but only in the eyes of those who do not understand sacred illness) … I AM. And I am continuing to heal and celebrate life in ways I didn’t know were possible.
 

This doesn’t mean life doesn’t remain difficult. It means that the joyous mystery of life seeps through everything when we start to have eyes to see. Thank you dear readers. I continue to be motivated first and foremost for those I advocate for. I am one of those people too. I love all of us. Happy New Year and enjoy revisiting the year on this site below."

 

thanks for asking! 

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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https://beyondmeds.com/2018/02/07/coming-home/

 

Hyponatremia is really scary. What was the drug you took?

 

https://beyondmeds.com/2018/04/09/how-did-this-happen/

Quote

I never recovered completely the first time around. I still couldn’t make plans or rely on my energy from day to day. I was optimistic and happy in spite of a lot of ongoing pain and difficulty.  I considered that a variety of thriving. I love life. I still do and it’s not easy for anyone.

 

"The first time around" means when you came off all the psych drugs?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I was unconscious for a week and almost killed me (they really didn't know if I'd make it), so yeah, that was scary ...it also set me back hard-core but at the 8 month mark things turned around and now I'm ahead of where I was before the set back and my nervous system has down-regulated in ways in never had the first 9 years out.

 

It was trileptal. took it three days. bad mistake to say the least. 

 

 

yes, when I came off all the psych drugs. the Hyponatremia was a secondary brain injury to the first. 

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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That's terrible. Hyponatremia is a known adverse effect of Trileptal. You must have had a hypersensitive reaction to the drug.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 1/6/2019 at 6:15 PM, GiaK said:

It was trileptal. took it three days. bad mistake to say the least. 

 

Yowser GiaK.

And thank you for IDing what that medication was.

I had followed along at beyondmeds.com and wondered too.

And the why was for physical pain then causing insomnia?

 

Ironic too, as Trileptal/oxcarbazepine, was my last medication to get off of, and perhaps the only one I really tapered down prior to coming off of it.

.......and I'm doing okay.........all things considered........truly thankful for it all somehow..........and these communities.

 

So glad you made it through that one.  Many thanks to Paul as well.  And for all you do in sharing all you do.  Know that you truly have helped so many of us.

 

((((GiaK)))))

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays!

 

 

 

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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The why is really more complicated than I've even tried to attempt to respond to because I'm still in the middle of it. Essentially I'm in some sort of profound transformational process which frankly the Kundalini frame is the most helpful to me in terms of communicating  anyway. It has led to a detoxification process that's intuitively guided. The detox is gruesomely destructive but it also includes a rebuilding process which goes on and off because of how I'm injured and how the nervous system needs to be supported to withstand the process. I almost died because of this process and I was in agony as a result of it. I'm actually going through something similar this year that I am handling somewhat better this time around. Finding supports in odd places, again, through intuitive guidance. Anyway that may only serve to confuse more but I do like to try to speak to it directly and don't really know how to do it yet. I am working on developing language for it.

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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On 1/25/2019 at 6:41 AM, GiaK said:

The detox is gruesomely destructive but it also includes a rebuilding process which goes on and off because of how I'm injured and how the nervous system needs to be supported to withstand the process. I almost died because of this process and I was in agony as a result of it.

 

I'm so sorry it has been this bad for you. I wish I had something useful to say about it but that's about all I have. 

your posts here - and SA more generally - are SO much information, huge amounts, that I can't even begin to read through let alone respond to it all. I  skim. 

 

but I really appreciate that you take the time to come and post! 

 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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Thank you for being here to receive. Sharing is clearly an important part of my healing process and without you it wouldn't work. May we all continue to get better together.

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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  • 3 weeks later...

new post: 

 

Mini meditations for your pleasure in contemplation…

pexels-photo-289586.jpeg?w=720

I often think in brief statements and feel less and less inclined to go on and on about much in full-length articles. I still enjoy the full-length articles when they emerge, they just are not emerging as often. And so I offer the below. Nuggets of fun stuff to think about.

***

Hands are astonishingly beautiful. I highly recommend gazing at and watching your hands with mindfulness and love.

***

the idea of controlling one’s thoughts is rather amusing as well as simple fantasy. We can watch our thoughts and grow less attached to our thoughts but controlling them isn’t on the cards. Becoming familiar with them & watching them move like the weather is a very useful skill however

 

more: meditation

***

I said no to my personal mythology. Everything has radically shifted — the only paradigm: the

unknown.

 

more: personal mythology

***

“if I can do it anyone can” – yeah, that’s BS…we’re all different so even if something looks similar on the surface the contexts of our lives are endlessly varied. When we value our differences we can start to listen to the other rather than assume we know anything about them

***

We need to be aware of when we’re projecting…at this point I figure, if I’m feeling it, it’s mine. That’s not a popular opinion among those who call themselves “empaths.” Come on though…we’re either all connected or we’re not. Project and be in spiritual bypass or we can be radical and own our  s h i t  and grow and be healthy.

 

more: empaths and empathy

52415962_1606846309460281_3261517943183245312_n

***

We shoot for the stars when we really need to be shooting for the dirt underneath our feet.

***

Belief, Myth, stories, about that which we cannot see– that which is the realm of the spirit– are all ungrounded. The mystery is real– claiming to know what it is not so much.

Fantasies hurt. Seeking hurts. Letting go into the mystery offers relief.

 

more: belief

***

there is only one voice one needs to hear and it is a whisper

***

the healthy body wants a healthy inflammatory response. it allows for the flushing of foreign invaders out of the body. it’s not until the body is unhealthy, (beyond threshold in multiple ways) that inflammation gets out of control and starts hurting the body…

 

more: body healiing

***

The universe responds. It leads and it follows and it accompanies. Dance with the universe any way you see fit. She is waiting.

***

I don’t think my medicine it just comes into being as I work in my kitchen and watch. …food and herbal mixtures come upon me…I watch as it flows out of me…my body leads the way…the recipe as much a surprise to me as to anyone else… the act of CREATION, the act of MEDICINE in the kitchen.

***

Of course we’re wrong about some stuff. We all are pretty much all the time. The clearer we get the more we don’t attach to ideas … we can still use them for utilitarian purposes….and learn and grow. I started practicing non-belief many years ago now. Non-belief goes along with being in the mystery, in the unknown.

***

We got to give it all up. The romance, the fantasies the mythologies. We wake up into the ordinariness of our life. And yes it remains miraculous too.

***

some people are able to create their own safe spaces…may those of us who’ve been graced to have the resources to do this work help create spaces for our less resourced sensitive brothers and sisters in pain.

 

more: mental illness system and alternatives

***

52258682_593093357821520_3408763260474753024_n

***

FIRST POSTED HERE: https://beyondmeds.com/2019/02/14/mini-meditations-for-your-pleasure-in-contemplation/

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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Hi Gia, 

 

I just wanted to let you know that you’ve had a profound impact on my life and my recovery. A little over a year ago, I found one of your videos on YouTube, and my life has never been the same. Though this process is painful and though we have endured serious injury, prior to finding this community and people like you, I truly felt no hope in my life. I think you are an unbelievably special person. Every time I think about the goodness and the light in people like you and Laura Delano, it brings me to tears. Crying has been very healing for me, as well as a strong meditation practice and engaging in Tonglen whenever the feeling arises. Anyway, I just want to celebrate you for being you and all the good you have brought into the world. 

 

Peace,

 

Anthony 

2008: start Lexapro 10 mg which is quickly upped to 20 mg. 2008:2013 try at least four individual times to get off Lexapro, never get lower than 5mg, settle at 15 mg. 2015: again, attempt to get off Lexapro and get to 5 mg. After 6 months, feel i'm stabilizing but go back on a higher dose because of one stressful event. 2016: go to 20 mg from 15 mg due to work stresses, hit severe tolerance for the first time and become very suicidal. 2016-2017: try viibryd and cymbata in an attempt to feel better. Also add Lamictal 150 at some point. 2017: eventually land on paxil 37.5 and Lamictal 150. January 2018: cut paxil to 25. April-July 2018: reduce Lamictal in 50 mg increments till im off August. 2018: reduce paxil to 20 mg. december 2018: dropped Paxil to 18 mg, SEVERE CRASH. March updosed to 20 mg April 11: dropped to 19.4 mg due to akathsia (still experiencing akathsia symptoms from updose) April 20: 19 mg Paxil May 4: 18.7 Paxil July 5: 18.2 July 12: 17.8 Aug 19: 17.5 Aug 26: 17.3 Oct 20: 17.1 Nov 3: 16.9, 8/17/20: 16.6 after nine month hold, 8/24/20: 16.4, 8/31/20:16.2, 9/14/2020: 16.0, 9/21/20: 15.8, 9/28/20: 15.6, 10/19/20:15.4, 10/26/20: 15.2, 11/2/20: 15.1, 11/7/20: 14.8, 3/6/2-: 14.5, 3/20/20: 14.3, 4/3/20: 13.9, 4/10/2021: 13.7. 4/21/21: 13.5, 5/5/2021: 13.1, 12.2 8/12/2021 (slowly microtapered to this number. I just can’t remember the exact dates), 11.8 9/6/2021, 11.6 9/13/21, 11.2 9/27/21, 11.1 9/30/21.....11/5/21 switched to 10 mg tablet. I am holding to stabilize for the foreseeable future. 3/25/22: 9.4, 5/6/22: 9.0, 5/30/22: 8.25, 6/7/22: 8.1, 7/722: 7.65, 8/16/22: 7.39, 9/22/22: 6.91, 10/1/22: 6.78

Medication signature.docx

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Thanks for letting me know Anthony.

I agree about crying too--good medicine.

We all need one another.

Best to you.

🦀🦋🐌

 

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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  • 2 weeks later...

As we take over our own health care and come to know our bodies we are changing the world.
 

img_20190226_083841_133.jpg?w=664



Been doing stuff like this on occasion on Facebook and Instagram. Feel free to download image straight from here or share from Facebook/Instagram if you so desire.
 

More: Iatrogenic (medically induced) injury
 

Let’s learn to LISTEN to ourselves and each other
 

Learn to listen to the inner guru

 

new post: https://beyondmeds.com/2019/02/26/envision-a-world/

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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sorry that pic is so big. can't figure out how to get it to go smaller. 

 

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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I really need hope right now🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

 

Rachel - 1998-2012 Prozac 20mg

2012-2014 Prozac 40mg

Sept 17 Remeron 15mg, March ‘18 7.5mg

Jan 31 - Feb 13 1/4 - 1mg Ativan

Jan 31 - feb 5 - 2mg Prozac, 4mg feb 7

feb 10 - 10mg rem, Feb 27 - 7.5mg rem

Feb 27 - March 6th - 5mg Baclofen 

March 12th - Keppra 250mg

March 24 - 30mg phenobarbital 

 

 

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Hang on -- the one thing we can count on is that things change and on this journey things get worse and they get better and they get worse and they get better. Overtime perspective comes and we find ways of finding Joy even when things are very difficult. Hang in there.

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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So true.

Hopefully we get stronger so that when things get worse it's not as hard.

Or something like that. 

Edited by JackieDecides
More words

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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hi GiaK...

 

ChessieCat reccomended you as one of the few people who've made it thru tothe other side of withdrawal to the success of healing after over 20 years of psych meds. i had commented earlier that i wish there was someone who had made it thru after being on the meds as long as i have (24 years) that is a success story to give me hope,  and i'm so glad she reccomended you so i can read your story and be encouraged that healing after 2 decades on multiple psych meds is indeed possible and doable!

 

HUGS!

noearthlyfamily

 

and i just bookmarked your website and will be binge reading and watching it in the next several weeks!

 

UPDATED: 9/01/2019

Quetiapine:  2000-2005: 50mg;  2005: 100mg;   2008: 400mg;   2011: 100mg;   2014: 300mg;   2014-2017: 400mg;  7/2018-2/2019: 75mg;  1/2019: 68.75mg;  4/2019: completed switch to 3x daily dosing (25mg 8AM, 18.75mg 4PM, 25mg MIDNITE);  5/2019: 68.75mg (switched to all liquid taper using HUMCO suspension agent)  8/2019: 61mg       

Clonazepam:  2008: 2mg then 0.25mg;   2012: 0.5mg;   2014: 1mg;   4/2019: 1mg ~completed switch to 3x daily dosing (0.25mg 8AM, 0.25mg 2PM, 0.5mg 8PM);   8/2019: 1mg (switched to all liquid taper using propylene glycol as solvent)    

Gabapentin:   2011: 100mg;   2011: 200mg TID    2014: 300mg;  2017: 600mg;   2019: 900mg PM;   3/2019: completed switch to 3x daily dosing (300mg q8h)

Prior drugs: Please see this link:    (the remaining dates & meds records will be updated as i receive my complete medical files.)

Suppl's: Deva Vegan Multi & Mineral Supplement w/Greens 1x, Magnesium Lysinate Glycinate Chelate 100mg 4x, vit c 1000mg  2x, zinc gluconate 50mg 1x q.o.d., Allicin Max 180mg TID,  chlorella/spirulina 50/50 blend 2tabs 5x daily

HRT:  300mg oral progesterone h.s., 0.1mg estradiol transdermal patch 2x week

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and yes, i am a humanimal and i'm hunkering down under a bush and nursing my wounds as my instincts tell me to! 

 

i went no contact with my narcissist family of origin and released the resentments i had toward them. now i feel nothing, which is a relief from 46 years of being gaslighted and scapegoated as the crazy one and made to be the black sheep for all the other family member's sins...i hold no anger anymore for them all, just pity. now i know that the feelings i have and had were not crazy or imbalanced but just intense.

 

i am able to see my actual part in things better now, without taking on that blame and guilt for what was done to me or blamed on me. your blogsite is so inspiring!

 

now i know that the feelings i have and had were not crazy or imbalanced but just intense. 

 

thanks for your insights

 

 

UPDATED: 9/01/2019

Quetiapine:  2000-2005: 50mg;  2005: 100mg;   2008: 400mg;   2011: 100mg;   2014: 300mg;   2014-2017: 400mg;  7/2018-2/2019: 75mg;  1/2019: 68.75mg;  4/2019: completed switch to 3x daily dosing (25mg 8AM, 18.75mg 4PM, 25mg MIDNITE);  5/2019: 68.75mg (switched to all liquid taper using HUMCO suspension agent)  8/2019: 61mg       

Clonazepam:  2008: 2mg then 0.25mg;   2012: 0.5mg;   2014: 1mg;   4/2019: 1mg ~completed switch to 3x daily dosing (0.25mg 8AM, 0.25mg 2PM, 0.5mg 8PM);   8/2019: 1mg (switched to all liquid taper using propylene glycol as solvent)    

Gabapentin:   2011: 100mg;   2011: 200mg TID    2014: 300mg;  2017: 600mg;   2019: 900mg PM;   3/2019: completed switch to 3x daily dosing (300mg q8h)

Prior drugs: Please see this link:    (the remaining dates & meds records will be updated as i receive my complete medical files.)

Suppl's: Deva Vegan Multi & Mineral Supplement w/Greens 1x, Magnesium Lysinate Glycinate Chelate 100mg 4x, vit c 1000mg  2x, zinc gluconate 50mg 1x q.o.d., Allicin Max 180mg TID,  chlorella/spirulina 50/50 blend 2tabs 5x daily

HRT:  300mg oral progesterone h.s., 0.1mg estradiol transdermal patch 2x week

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  • 5 months later...

A little bit of everything…

first posted here

***

the shock of what is being done to the sensitives living right now

the shock of what we are doing to ourselves…humanity, a sensitive species largely gone numb

 

***

Simultaneously working on deep embodiment while also releasing attachment and identification with the body. I watch while this happens — it is not possible to control.

 

***

 If we believe we are unredeemable that is what we will project outwardly to anyone we hate, whoever those people might be. This is in fact a sort of dissociation. In our factionalized society most everyone is infected.

Inquiry: What groups of people or individuals are we projecting our self-loathing onto?

more on self-inquiry

***

 

Mamma earth is always holding space for every single one of us regardless of who we are, what we’ve done, what we believe or what corner of her vast dominion we hail. I began this morning with yoga on a cotton sheet on the grass under a couple of 100 plus year old trees. This is the definition of being held by mamma. A wonderful, soothing, real way to start the day. I am blessed.

more earth stuff

***

 

We never know the future and so dreams and goals that have distinct endings are in some way delusional. Clinging to ideas about the future is problematic. Human beings operate “successfully” largely in delusion in our current society.

We are killing our planet and all manner of chaos is happening and most of us operate as though none of it is happening. It’s a coping skill. It may kill us but in the short run it’s helpful.

Awareness of the complexity of all of life — good and bad, negative and positive, light and dark is the way to healing and freedom. Bring about the marriage of opposites — hold it all as if it were all a tiny and delicate infant needing love and tending.

***

 

Coming to love our “negative” feelings is part of the deal when we’re healing. The parts we like the least must be incorporated. You’ve got to love those babies too. The problems start when we deny of those types of feelings. That’s when they get ugly. No feelings are bad. Feelings are neutral. feeling them is not acting on them. We must feel them if we hope to ever come into flow.

 

All feelings are justified in some way. When you allow yourself to feel all the feelings deeply all the way to the roots you find an innocent animal and nothing more. All of humanity is made that way. That, too, is another thing to sit with.

 

These thoughts make me think of Rumi’s guest house:

 

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

 Jellaludin Rumi

***

 

We look directly into our suffering rather than try to become happy. The happiness that arises from this approach is reliable –Ajahn Sumedho

 

more on emotions

 

 

 

Screen Shot 2019-08-09 at 11.24.40 AM

More on psych labels and diagnosis

 

first posted here

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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My body is my meditation practice

morning-mist2-e1565879830394.jpg?w=720

There is a freedom, vast and beautiful, when one comes to know how insignificant ones importance in the world is. This while also deeply appreciating the great value that we all hold as well.

***

If your heart is not open to yourself then your heart is not open.

***

When we are resonant with others what that means is we have shared capacities at bringing in similar info about the nature of reality. It’s a good idea to extend beyond those that we resonate with because from others we can learn new info rather than just be validated. The “tribe” as we are popularly understanding it is a resonant sinkhole of incestuous and limited consciousness.

***

Layers of delusion and dissociation have been directly correlated with seriously imbalanced viral and bacteria colonies and other issues with biofilm matrixes in the body. As I have cleansed (detoxed) I’ve been healing long-standing “autoimmune disease” (the body does not attack itself…we simply need to learn to listen to the body). The brain injury continues to heal as well. “Mental health issues” associated with trauma also clear up as the layers of dissociation disappear with the biofilm matrixes. Word “disappear” while true, belies the real work involved in letting go. This has an emotional/spiritual process and a physical one. No separation.

This healing process has largely been a process of returning to the body.

Listen to the body.

more on detox

***

I have had to unlearn everything I took in via, not only western medicine, but all manner of “alternative” conditioning as well. Only my body knows what is right for me and almost everything else is driven by capitalism and is tainted by peoples desperation to make a buck and control others.

***

My body is my meditation practice.

more on body  more on meditation more on mindfulness

***

You do not need energy when you need to rest. Put down the stimulants. Listen to your body — rest if that is what you need.

***

the real world is a place that exists outside the conventional understandings of the world. Conventional understandings of the world are in place to help people avoid existential terror.

***

 

Screen Shot 2019-08-15 at 10.34.03 AM

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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