GiaK

GiaK Radical, Transformative Healing of Body/Mind/Spirit

85 posts in this topic

Expertly guided by the genius of my DNA

 

first posted on Beyond Meds: https://beyondmeds.com/2017/03/12/expertly-guided/

 

Healing is, among other things, a process of creating new mitochondria and new neural pathways. The body is transformed. I’ve never been here before — expertly guided by the genius of my DNA.

 

Healing in part for me is a deep acknowledgement and acceptance of my animal nature. I am interdependent with all of life just like any other creature on this earth. This understanding when taken in deeply and profoundly is as painful as it is liberating and therefore joyful too.

 

Homeostasis is not possible when one is on a radically healing path…healing is, by necessity, constant change.

 

Courageously move forward and into every feeling you ever were unable to feel due to oppressive circumstances. Feel them, let go and be free. Our nervous systems have recorded each and every instance of repression and denial. We have a store of tension from our ancestors as well. This store of repressed emotions, denial, violence etc is stored in our DNA. It is our “karma” …to be transmuted in this lifetime. Following its indications is intuition.

 

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Wow GiaK...........great post and writing and I agree!!

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new post for this thread: first posted here: https://beyondmeds.com/2017/04/20/animates-life/

 

an email I sent to a friend I decided to share here as well:
 

Seems my thoughts as they’ve pertained to my healing process have been essentially planted by life-force so that I would achieve through my responses to my somatic experience, what was needed to heal the whacked out nervous system, gut, and immune systems etc. Never has it mattered if anything was clinically true or not…what mattered was that the narrative made sense to my ego so that I would follow directions and ultimately heal. 
 

Given the nature of this healing trip which has required insane amounts of blind faith and multiple near death experiences (I don’t generally talk about that because it’s too hard to believe for most people) it was the only way that an intelligent life-force (DNA instincts of some sort perhaps) could guide me to well-being.
 

It’s still a difficult process for the animal/ego bits that remain.
 

Intuition is always guided with lots of data collection of many different kinds. It does not happen in a vacuum. We need one another in a myriad number of ways, but it’s not always in the ways that convention dictate. For me it’s rarely in the ways that convention dictate.
 

Mystery prevails.
 

***

More related posts:
 

Seems a good time to share my latest video again as well since it really speaks to this idea as well.

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Hi GiaK, 

 

I find your experiences completely and utterly believable. I think all those cascades of intrusive flashbacks have some sort of purpose. It's my understanding that some people may want to deal with them as chemical reactions and cascades, but, to me, it seems that there's some cryptic logic behind those memories that is something that begs to be addressed and worked with. Like many people who have gone through difficult, depressive phases, this depression is a teacher of sorts. In my early 20's I stumbled upon Stephen Levine's  "A Gradual awakening", and it was like a Bible of sorts to me. I am now fully aware how what we call depression/anxiety disorders really take root in an unhealed trama, and the inability to find someone to open up about it when it happened. And some of those initial wounds are so different from one person to another that I feel that the types of psych meds or even the order of psych meds many people end up on can be an indicator of manifestation of that trauma. It's something I've been thinking about over the last few days as the ativan dosage slowly drops and I keep remembering more and more of my life. Like Styron said in his interview with Charlie Rose. "You don't dredge these up. They pop up"  :)

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Hi AwareButStruggling,

 

this is totally an awakening process for me, yes. you got it. Every bit of it can be put to good use and  s h i t, given what an ugly experience it is, it's the silver lining of sorts. I would never recommend this path to anyone in any case and continue to advocate for gentler means...(of course that goes without saying   ;)

 

all this heinous physical stuff has correlates in the psyche I've found. the drugs engrave those negative pathways forged by traumas far deeper into our neural networks as far as I can tell so the unraveling of it all becomes rather behemoth. 

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I surely wouldn't recommend this method of awakening to anyone, either. It definitely didn't have to happen this way for me, as well. It could have been achieved the other ways. I think honoring my own sensitivity and learning how to be at peace with myself when I was not at peace with myself were the key. I still have a very ambivalent relationship about Prozac, which I took for many years. It seemed like a good decision at the time, and it didn't unravel my life the way Ativan had, for example. I don't recall Prozac being as creativity zapping and life altering as benzodiazepines ended up being for me. Not being anti or pro medication in any sense, but being on one psych med (Prozac) for many years wasn't soul destroying for me. Apparently, taking it was a sign that just practicing mindfulness and awareness simply wasn't enough, and that perhaps, cultivating loving and kindness towards myself was very much needed. For many years, I was in a place I loved to help others, but there was something lacking when it came to helping myself, not realizing that I had that power in me, and that resorting to external help rather than reaching deeper within was not necessarily the answer. Of course, it's scary as hell to reach within. Our emotional defense mechanisms are so finely attuned. There is a sense of grief I feel that when I reached out for medical help and was given ativan, I actually, most likely didn't need it. What I needed to realize was that I was going through another transformation and a challengnig period in life that needed to be embraced instead of being tranquilized.Easier to say with the hindsight, but I had already built up a lot of emotional backlog (yes, sensitive people are extremely good at doing just that), which had to be dealt with sooner rather than later. I am not sure that even seeing a conventional therapist would have helped. It was a time to put all self-help books aside, put all the other "coping skills" aside, and just give myself more time to reflect on things and find my own truths, rather than absorbing various opinions and advice from so many different sources. Healthy boundaries were something that I clearly needed. I do believe in something called a "healthy ego". Not necessarily thinking how amazing person I am or what not, but having a healthy ego in a sense of having healthy boundaries and recognizing where my own traumas ended and where the other person's began. Essentially, not being an emotional sponge, but actually recognizing and validating other people's suffering, without having to make it my own. Generally opening the heart to others, but also realizing how other people's narratives and emotions were affecting me internally.

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thank you. yes, here is to learning our own truth! ...it's all held within us and that part is a beautiful thing to discover...if also a difficult path to find ourselves on.

 

I made a little post...expanding on my last response...thank you for the inspiration...I take it from where it comes...the post is here...it expanded on the last comment I made and then I added additional tidbits:  https://beyondmeds.com/2017/04/22/freedom-from-pharma/

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NEW POST
 

Thank god for Dr. Google & Gut bacteria tell the brain what animals should eat

 

 

For people like me it is illness that calls us to wellness and waking up.
 

Thank god for Dr. Google. Seriously. And to hell with those who glance side-ways at those of us who’ve learned to doctor ourselves.
 

We commit *science* via observations of our own bodies everyday. We learn by coming up with hypothesis and then utilizing trial and error fueled by ever-growing body-felt sense intuition. Our discernment of what we need in order to heal grows in this fashion.
 

Since it was pharmaceuticals that gravely injured me it’s easy for me to make the choice for non-pharma solutions whenever possible. Indeed, I actually no longer tolerate virtually all pharmaceuticals. My body gets sick — in its wisdom of what it needs it rejects that which poisoned it now. It’s far bigger than “me.” It’s my DNA being allowed to express itself (or something like that anyway…I tread lightly around belief and know I know nothing really).

 

In any case, the more I learn about chronic illness in general (in the population at large as well as in my own body), the more I see how much of it correlates with choices we make as a society and a collective. So even when symptoms of illness seem to appear radically diverse there are actually often many root similarities.

 

I don’t wish this journey on others so I now speak out that people might be aware of their choices before they might otherwise become ill or more ill.

 

This doesn’t mean there are not times when pharma is appropriate … it means that becoming conscious of options allows for better outcomes in the long run. In this world of kaleidoscopic reality what might be right for me may be poison for you and vice versa…we need only learn to trust our own experience…and then trust that of others too. Live and let live. Let life unfold. Let the mystery reveal itself.

 

Yes, the body will reveal all sorts of things when we learn to listen. It’s got millions of years of stored knowledge in it’s DNA. Allow the mystery and we learn so much more than we can by only reading and studying by conventional means. I find that doing both…listening mindfully to the body AND conventional study make a much more effective pairing. When we allow intuition to guide our more conventional study there is no stopping us.

 

***

On another somewhat related note I am sharing an article from Phys.org — Gut bacteria tell the brain what animals should eat

 

A friend shared the above article with me. I responded with this:

 

Yes, we are animals too. I feel my microbiome. Both the good and bad bacteria. I’ve learned to listen and discern what my gut is saying to me in order to continue healing my entire being…nervous system and brain too. I have some weirdly acute interoceptive capacities. I’ve not yet met anyone else who can keep up with that I’m experiencing though I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’ve written to academics who’ve written papers on interoception but I get the feeling even they don’t know what I’m talking about. I imagine I’ll meet others who do at some point. I meet more and more people everywhere that help me figure all that is happening on this healing journey when the time is right, it seems.  (articles on gut and gut healing here)

 

More on related topics:

An earlier collection too: Information and inspiration for the chronically ill 

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new little mini post: first published here: https://beyondmeds.com/2017/04/30/psychiatric-labels-2/

 

Psychiatric labels don’t make sense anymore

 

We are kaleidoscopic beings — endlessly variant. Social, political, psychological, ecological, cultural, biological all having impact.
 

When we don’t engage our kaleidoscopic reality in a very active way – thinking we understand anything at all is ridiculous.

 

Everything Matters — it’s the meme I use as a title for my work because it encapsulates our essence..

***

SEE HERE: Psychiatric labels don’t make sense anymore

Once you label me you negate me…  (Kierkegaard)

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:)  I just used the word weird/weirdness myself in my intro/journal entry.  Like minds think alike I suppose.  I am working on the words I use, as well........seems to make a difference.

 

Love, peace, recovery/healing, and growth,

 

manymoretodays

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Love, peace, recovery/healing, and growth, to you too manymoretodays! 

 

here is some more stuff from another post just published: 

 

From inside out to outside in…that’s what healing is doing.
Rewiring for dealing with reality starting from within rather than without.
When gut lining and brain barrier is compromised there is only porousness…it is reflected in the psyche manifesting as poor boundaries…
 

***
 

This is what is happening. I’ve never had a sense of self. That’s the part that gets labeled “mentally ill.” I woke up anyway.
Healing involves doing the opposite of what Buddhism (generally) teaches. It means coming back into the body and integrating the self from no-self rather than the other way around. It is not about losing the self because that self never was…in that way we are both ahead of “normies” and not too…The biggest problem is normies don’t know how the **** to help us and are in fact dangerous to us…
 

***
 

I’ve never wanted to preach to the choir. Really I have no interest in preaching. Writing is more exorcism than anything else. Sometimes it also happens to be helpful to others.
 

***

When people trigger us they may not be dangerous/nasty/whatever – it may simply mean that we are afraid…When we are fearless we see that no one is inherently dangerous/nasty/violent whatever…
 

***

Like it or not, it’s only in my woundedness that I know the things I know. In the process of deep acceptance of this clarity comes.
 

***
 

The body and the body’s wisdom has been shunned and abused for decades now. SHE speaks through the body and she speaks through stories, metaphor, science, philosophy and my any means necessary…ancient and modern. SHE has as many languages as there are human beings and if we can be flexible we can hear her in every human being alive right now. And even if we are largely in touch with our own bodies relative to the larger human family, inasmuch as we do not hear her, see her, feel her, right now, in everybody we encounter we are not awake.

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