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DizzyGirl More than 4 years off


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#1 DizzyGirl

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Posted 23 August 2016 - 10:41 PM

Part 1. Sorry it is long. English is not my first language so please ignore spelling mistakes.

2012 was the year I cold turkeyed Paxil. It went good for about six weeks and then withdrawal kicked in. It started in New York when we made my birthday present trip. Imagine a long flight from Germany to New York and an excited boyfriend that wants to see every side of this city.

 

It is hard to describe my trip back then, because I was just so weak.I couldn't walk and talk properly. Mentally and physically exhausted. My brain fog was so bad I thought my brain was permanently damaged. I was sitting on a park bench in brooklyn wanting to die while my boyfriend was busy taking photographs. Imagine you are in the city of your dreams and you just want to return to your hotel and sleep. Sleep as long as it may take to wake up and feel normal.

 

The years of my withdrawal are just a blank space. Most of it I can't even remember. I was traumatised and a mess. Paxil flu hit me hard in my waves. Didn't matter if it was winter or summer I was wearing layers of clothes and shivering under my blanket. I still wear socks to bed after all those wd years because I might get cold. It is a habit I can't stop. I could not read. I didn't read for maybe three years. I cried when I watched Ally Mc Beal reruns.

 

Most of the time after work I just stared at the walls or googled symptoms. I became Dr Google.  I don't know how many scientific articles I have read, but I was desperate. Desperate to find an answer and desperate to get better. I would have sold everything for the magic healing pill, but pills got me here in the first place. The irony of life.


Edited by scallywag, 24 August 2016 - 04:10 PM.
inserted paragraph breaks

Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#2 DizzyGirl

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Posted 23 August 2016 - 10:46 PM

Part 2

Withdrawal taught me one thing. My body without drugs forgave me everything, but Paxil changed the game rules. I had to change my life style and be patient. Too much stress ?hello new wave. Too much junk food ?Increased dizziness. Don't get me wrong. Waves and windows came and went even when I was living the healthiest I have known, but I realized there were things that actually helped me and made me maybe 10% better than usual.

Things that helped in wd:
Sport - first walking than later hiit and cardio
No alcohol
Sleep of 7-8 hours
No soft drinks and only one cup of coffee ( bulletproof for a long time with lots of coconut oil )
Healthy food . Reduced carbs. Low histamine foods
No fast food
Turning up to events and just trying to stay there even if it was for 30 minutes. I was always the first one to leave but I tried. God damn I tried.

Working ( full time was indeed horrible, but I had to ...part time work would have been better )
Claire Weekes book ! Read it !
Daily routines .Waking up early, showering, not staying in bed, going out or somehow distracting myself ( vacuuming became my new hobby- kind of sad)

Not helped

B vitamins and a million other supplements and weird detox teas I bought
Crazy liver detox I did at a dr's office
Daytime naps . Always woke up sweaty and with a racing heart
Stress in general / toxic friends
Obsessively googling and spending hours on paxilprogress  later on SA. I reduced that time from about 6 -8 hours daily to a max of 30 minutes
Gluten, sugar,high histamine foods

Nowadays. I am 34 years old, but I feel much older. I walked through hell and somehow survived it. I am deeply grateful for my friends and family and my three cats. My boyfriend broke up with me after 1,5 year of withdrawal hell. I always understood why he did it. It was a horrible time and I pushed people away,because i thought i will never get better. I am in a new relationship, but to be honest men are not my priority anymore.
 
As weird it may sound, but my health is the most important aspect of my life. I love to cook now, I used to live on fast food, chocolate, crisps and litres of coca Cola.I gained 30 pounds in my time on Paxil. Most of it went to my paxil belly. I did lose that gut, but it was hard work. Paxil messes with our hormones and our metabolism. 

I lost a lot of hair in withdrawal. My doc says it is androgenetic alopecia. It might be or it might be the last present of  Paxil, but I will never know and I don't even care.  I am lucky to be alive. I work out 5-6 times a week.I have finished most of the beachbody programs and I am currently doing Kayla Itsines. I can read again and watch sad movies without getting suicidal. 
 
I work full time, but try not to do overtime hours. I am addicted to instagram now ( we can chat via pm if you want. My account is  the_reading_cat ) instead of antidepressant forums.  I will always be stress intolerant.
 
When I get stressed out, I get an occasional hint of depression and dizziness. It is a reminder for me to go slow and just breathe. Yesterday we went out for drinks and burritos and I stayed very late and felt awesome. Those little things...drinking a Pina Colada and eating a burrito with double cheese in the sunshine with my friends. They will never understand that those moments are so god damn precious. They haven't been there where we all were. You cannot tell them, you will never find the right words of that despair in your heart that destroyed you every ******* hour.
 
I know most people don't come back here and I guess I know why. Deep down there will always be that small voice that is whispering   "maybe it is not over. Maybe a next wave will roll over you soon. It is too early to post a success story" All those recovered people just try to make everything out of their lives right now, because time is precious and we have wasted so many years. There are so many countries to visit,so many new foods to try and so many sun rays to catch.
 
Don't give up now. It will get better.


Edited by scallywag, 24 August 2016 - 04:13 PM.
inserted paragraph breaks

Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#3 coldturkmama

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Posted 24 August 2016 - 02:20 AM

Happy for you! How many years were you on paxil?

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#4 DizzyGirl

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Posted 24 August 2016 - 03:00 AM

I was on it for 4 years. I started with 40 mg later reduced to 20mg and cold turkeyed in 2012.

Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#5 MaryDavid

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Posted 24 August 2016 - 03:14 AM

Thank you DizzyGirl for coming back to write your story. So so happy for you.  

 

You were so right about how people think 'am I really better'?, but I believe that healing is a process and we do get better and stronger. 

 

I wish you all the best.


In 2001 - started on Carbamezapine (can't remember dose), Fluoexitine 20mg, Clanozepam (low dose) after a nervous breakdown.

In 2004 - abruptly stopped carbamezapine after falling pregnant.  

In 2009 - changed from Fluoexitine to Citalopram 20mg.

In 2014 - tappered off clanozepam.

In Aug 2015 - cold turkey off Citalopram :o

From Aug - Dec 2015 I had mostly flu-like symptoms and trouble sleeping. From Jan - April 2016 Emotional nightmare ensued, paranoia, excessive anxiety and tormenting thoughts, basically trying to manage these emotions and thoughts which are exhausting.  Lots of intense emotions followed by tears, at times howling when Im alone.In March 2016 I tried Choline & Inisitol, Vit B Complex, Using Aromatherapy, like Lavendar, Clary Sage and others.

In April STOPPED Choline & Inositol as I beleive it was giving me shakes and making me more anxious.  It also made me feel like i'd taken a benzo tablet making me feel sedated.  Reading - The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk (recommended by a member on this group).

Symptoms - extreme low self esteem and insecurity, intense emotions and tearfulness. This is so so hard.  But im going to keep pushing.  Feel bad for my 2 girls and husband.  I don't want to be seen in this way, especially by the girls. Self-help : praying, meditating, breathing exercises and physical exercises.

Ceterizine (antihistamine) - I've been taking this for many years now for itchiness in my palms and feet.  I take them as and when I need them. JULY 2016 Dr Bach homeopathic remedies and 'rescue remedy'


#6 Hibari

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Posted 24 August 2016 - 05:36 AM

Thank you for sharing your story.

 

I appreciate you revealing how you body lets you know now when you have reached your limit and that your body has helped you heal.

 

Very inspiring.


September 2013-April 2014: After the death of my mom in July 2012.-became very depressed in September of 2013. Given a series of antidepressants very quickly from about 4 different psychiatrists in a 6 month period. Each one was from 1 day to 10 days at the most. My body could not handle it-I had Zoloft 4 days, Lexapro-1 day, Nortriptyline-10 days, Liquid Prozac, 1 week, Cymbalta 1 week.

December 2013-September 2014: Put on Xanax after a reaction to the Lexapro, averaging .50-1mg per day. Switched to Clonazepam-midway averaging about 0.25-0.50 daily.

June 2014: Jan/Feb 2015: Put on 7.5 Remeron titrate up to 41.25mgs

September 2014-July 2015: Put on 25mgs of Lamictal titrate up to 200mgs daily. Also stopped the Clonzepam- never felt the wd I had experienced when I tried to stop it before (knowing nothing about withdrawal) because the Lamictal calmed me down.

 

Currently: Tapering both medications together using micro cuts. Started tapering Remeron in January 2015, Started tapering Lamictal July 2015 Main wd symptoms-sweating, nausea, headaches, deep crying, anxiety. 12/21/16 Remeron 1.6 Lamictal 22.50 mgs 1/19/17 Remeron 1.2mgs, Lamictal 22.50mg 2/12/17 Remeron 1.2 Lamictal 21.25 mgs 3/4/17 Remeron 0.85 Lamictal 21.25 3/14 Remeron 0.85 Lamictal 20mgs 3/22 Remeron 0.45 Lamictal 20mg 3/25 Remeron 0.45 Lamictal 18.75mgs 3/30 Remeron 0.025 4/7 Lamictal 18.75mgs Remeron 0.025

 

4/7/2017 Remeron Free stopped at 0.025mgs

 

Additional Support: Acupuncture with Reflexology, Alanon, L-Theanine for anxiety as needed, Estradial patch 0.025, Bio-indentical Progesterone cream 150-200 Armour Thyroid 90mgs.


#7 Santino

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Posted 24 August 2016 - 06:01 AM

HI DizzyGirl

 

I checked your instagram profile... Soooo interesting your cat... :-)

 

I am happy you did it. I have not used AD-s long term as you. I am on Remeron since May 2016 and have tapered around 30% of it already. Hoping with my body signals to go lower on it soon.

 

All the best and have a very good time in your meds free life.


2015 -  2016 Xanax only rescue doses of 0.125 mg 1-2 times per month
 March 2016 0.125Mg * 2 Xanax for 10 days.

20 March 2016 0.25 Mg * 2 Xanax for one week. 1 April 2016 Tranxene 5 mg and Fevarin but bad reaction for 5 days.4 April 2016 25 Mg Amitryptiline + 6 MG bromazepam at night

Started tapering Bromazepam 6 days later reached up to 3 MG in 10 days and withdrawal. Pdoc asked to go 6 MG again.

10 of May started Remeron 15 MG and started tapering Bromazepam again.

SINCE 09/06/2016 BENZO FREE - Started Tapering Remeron 04/07/2016

 

04/Jul/16 12.8 Mg, 11/Aug/16 12 Mg, 20/Aug/16 11Mg, 3/Sept/16 10Mg, 11/Sept/16 9 Mg, 30/Sept/16 8.1 Mg, 14/Oct/16 7.25 Mg, 17/Nov/16 6.7, 23/Nov/16 6.5, 2/Dec/16 6.25, 9/Dec/16 6Mg,

25/Dec/16 5.7Mg, 4/Jan/17 5.4Mg, 20/Jan/17 5.2Mg, 07/Feb/17 5 Mg, 15/Feb/17 4.8Mg, 27/Feb/17 4.5Mg, 15/Mar/17 4.2Mg, 23/Mar/17 4Mg, 1/Apr/17 3.7Mg, 14/Apr/17 3.4Mg, 27/Apr/17 3.1Mg

 

 

 


#8 DizzyGirl

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Posted 24 August 2016 - 06:30 AM

Santino, take your time to taper and remember it is not a race to zero mg I wish I was as smart as you and didn't do a cold turkey. But we are here to learn.


Edited by scallywag, 24 August 2016 - 04:17 PM.
corrected "zer" to "zero" as indicated by DizzyGirl in later post

Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#9 sollicitudo

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Posted 25 August 2016 - 12:21 AM

DizzyGirl,

so you're still suffering from brain fog? Has it improved at all? What about your creativity etc?

Effexor 150mg July 2011 - March 2014


#10 peng

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Posted 25 August 2016 - 01:54 AM

Valuable contribution for many of us, I expect, DizzyGirl!

Love & best wishes from over here.


1977 - Collapse of health at 32 after 12 years of irregular and stressful shift work. 1977-84Ativan, then 1984-2002 Anafranil.  2002-13 – Effexor XL 150-187.5mg.

2014 Jan -2016 Jun. Had to raise Effexor to 225mg due external crisis.  Chronic fatigue, tiredness and low mood.  Felt I had reached a brick wall as far as medication went. 2016/6 - Blood tests, Folic acid.

2016 17Jun - Feeling better within a couple of days. 2016 13Jul  -  212.5mg Effexor. (-5.5%). 2016  6Aug  - 200.0mg Effexor. (-5.9%) 24Aug - 187.5mg Effexor. (-6.3%). 13Sep – 175.0mg Effexor (-6.7% .   Folic acid finished after 80 days.  Feeling best for a couple of years. 22Sep – GP Prescribed 5mg Folic Acid/day tfn.   3Oct   - 162.5mg Effexor (-7.1%)  7mg Omeprazole.   2016 15Oct -disappointing to hit extreme fatigue again after 3.5 months, by 23Oct not bad again, despite having cold and old familiar sinusitis. 26Oct - 150mg Effexor (-7.7%). 3mg Omeprazole. 31Oct - 2mg Omeprazole, off 5mg Folic Acid. 7Nov - ZERO Omeprazole.

2017 9Jan - 150mg Effexor. Stalled at this dose for >2 mo.  Will only resume later in year when mood lifts.  23Mar - 137.5mg Effexor.

 

Current other meds/Supps/Vits

540mg EPA /day - 280mg Magnesium Malate - Vit D, Probiotic. Honey instead of table sugar in tea and coffee, wef Oct16 and after taking sugar nearly all my life.

 


#11 DizzyGirl

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Posted 25 August 2016 - 07:10 AM

DizzyGirl,

so you're still suffering from brain fog? Has it improved at all? What about your creativity etc?

Nope. Maybe I didnt make it clear enough.

 

Brain fog is gone. I can read and watch movies. I craft bookmarks for my friends and take photos.

 

Occasional dizziness when I eat too many carbs. Maybe connected to blood sugar. I am not a doctor, I just assume SSRIs mess with our body so much that we get eating intolerances we never had before.


Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#12 triplem15

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Posted 25 August 2016 - 12:58 PM

DizzyGirl, when did you notice the various stages of healing? Like when did various symptoms start to get better? in what kind of time frames?
I do take Flonase,also take Zyrtec on and off. Maybe twice per week. I am on Vit. C, B-complex, Vit. D, selenium, Vit E, fish oil, and l-lysine and thats it. No street drugs. No alcohol. 9/2006 Welbutrin XL 150mg, Began Weaning June 15, 2015, Alternating days, changed each mos. Oct 2015 switch to Immediate release 37.5mg. mid october 2015 down to 18.75, (9.37mg twice daily. stayed there one mos.) Dec 2015 down to 9.37mg in AM and 7mg in PM, January 2016 down to 7mg AM and 4.6mg in PM. 4/5/16 cut down what I thought was 2.5 to 3mg. From 4/16/16 until yesterday, was not doing well. 4/20/16, 37.5mg yesterday for first time. 4/21/16 Two days now on 37.5mg. 4/22/16 took monitors advise and dropped dose to 18.75, split dose ,twice daily, now holding.

#13 triplem15

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Posted 25 August 2016 - 12:59 PM

How about the Neuro emotions? How did you notice healing there?
I do take Flonase,also take Zyrtec on and off. Maybe twice per week. I am on Vit. C, B-complex, Vit. D, selenium, Vit E, fish oil, and l-lysine and thats it. No street drugs. No alcohol. 9/2006 Welbutrin XL 150mg, Began Weaning June 15, 2015, Alternating days, changed each mos. Oct 2015 switch to Immediate release 37.5mg. mid october 2015 down to 18.75, (9.37mg twice daily. stayed there one mos.) Dec 2015 down to 9.37mg in AM and 7mg in PM, January 2016 down to 7mg AM and 4.6mg in PM. 4/5/16 cut down what I thought was 2.5 to 3mg. From 4/16/16 until yesterday, was not doing well. 4/20/16, 37.5mg yesterday for first time. 4/21/16 Two days now on 37.5mg. 4/22/16 took monitors advise and dropped dose to 18.75, split dose ,twice daily, now holding.

#14 triplem15

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Posted 25 August 2016 - 01:04 PM

And a huge congratulations, I am so pleased for you!!!!
I do take Flonase,also take Zyrtec on and off. Maybe twice per week. I am on Vit. C, B-complex, Vit. D, selenium, Vit E, fish oil, and l-lysine and thats it. No street drugs. No alcohol. 9/2006 Welbutrin XL 150mg, Began Weaning June 15, 2015, Alternating days, changed each mos. Oct 2015 switch to Immediate release 37.5mg. mid october 2015 down to 18.75, (9.37mg twice daily. stayed there one mos.) Dec 2015 down to 9.37mg in AM and 7mg in PM, January 2016 down to 7mg AM and 4.6mg in PM. 4/5/16 cut down what I thought was 2.5 to 3mg. From 4/16/16 until yesterday, was not doing well. 4/20/16, 37.5mg yesterday for first time. 4/21/16 Two days now on 37.5mg. 4/22/16 took monitors advise and dropped dose to 18.75, split dose ,twice daily, now holding.

#15 DizzyGirl

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Posted 25 August 2016 - 11:33 PM

I wish they hadn't closed paxil progress. I had a detailed timeline and it is gone. I can only speak from my bad memory and try to be accurate. I had my first real windows that went longer than some hours after 1.5 - 2 years. SymptoMs like paxil flu went completely away after two years and never returned. Brain fog and neuro emotions got considerably better too but took some more healing. I would say for those it took approximately 3 years. Exhaustion and every day fatigue got only better when I stopped eating junk and worked out. My sleeping problems and waking up at 3 am every damn morning due to rising cortisol went completely away after1,5- 2 years. So you can really see that some symptoms get away earlier and never return but other symptoms take more time.

Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#16 triplem15

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 03:58 AM

Thank you DizzyGirl. I sure am glad you have come through. If I can ask, what did you do or think to persevere through your trial? I know at first everything changes. Our life as we knew it changes. I noticed you said your lifestyle obviously changed dramatically and patience became a must. So many people in our life do not really understand this change in our life due to this. Did you talk to the people on the site??
I do take Flonase,also take Zyrtec on and off. Maybe twice per week. I am on Vit. C, B-complex, Vit. D, selenium, Vit E, fish oil, and l-lysine and thats it. No street drugs. No alcohol. 9/2006 Welbutrin XL 150mg, Began Weaning June 15, 2015, Alternating days, changed each mos. Oct 2015 switch to Immediate release 37.5mg. mid october 2015 down to 18.75, (9.37mg twice daily. stayed there one mos.) Dec 2015 down to 9.37mg in AM and 7mg in PM, January 2016 down to 7mg AM and 4.6mg in PM. 4/5/16 cut down what I thought was 2.5 to 3mg. From 4/16/16 until yesterday, was not doing well. 4/20/16, 37.5mg yesterday for first time. 4/21/16 Two days now on 37.5mg. 4/22/16 took monitors advise and dropped dose to 18.75, split dose ,twice daily, now holding.

#17 Christian

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 06:57 AM

DizzyGirl. Amazing story. We needed another success story of someone that has been through the severe WD. We all suffer but many of the success stories are taper stories. Some of us didn't taper or had adverse reactions and suffer for a long time. Seeing that you ended up on the other side of this after 4 years is great to see. Can you maybe share your symtoms? On one post. Maybe list them out? I know no WD is the same but its helpful to those of us that might think some of our symptoms are permanent. Lastly, did I read correctly that you worked the entire time?
Lexapro: started in 2002 at 10 mgs.
Ambien: started as a as needed sleep aid in 2010.
Quit Lexapro cold turkey in June 20015 due to contributing to low sodium issues.
Restarted Lexapro in late November for a week (only 5 mgs) but quit due to dizziness side effects. Side effects worsened for 3 weeks until
12/24/15: Protracted WD hit, experienced extreme anxiety, insomnia lack of full concentration and social challenges.
Reinstated Lexapro on 1/1/16 at 5 mgs. Increased per Dr to 7.5 MG. Tapered off Lexapro in March 2016.
Started 50MG of Seroquel in late January 2016 for bedtime to help in eliminate Ambien. Tapered off both Seroquel and Ambien in March 2016.
2/14/16: Prescribed both Remeron (15 MG) and Temazapam (15 MG) for sleep. Also use Klonopin and Ambien again in place of Temazapam to avoid addiction. However I did take Temazapam 60 straight days
6/15/16: Stopped use of all benzo's and now use Belsomra 1-2 times a week. Still on 15 MG of Remeron
10/11/16: Off all psych medications

After kindling, trying to regain my strength suffering from severe mental and physical fatigue.

#18 DizzyGirl

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 07:52 AM

DizzyGirl. Amazing story. We needed another success story of someone that has been through the severe WD. We all suffer but many of the success stories are taper stories. Some of us didn't taper or had adverse reactions and suffer for a long time. Seeing that you ended up on the other side of this after 4 years is great to see. Can you maybe share your symtoms? On one post. Maybe list them out? I know no WD is the same but its helpful to those of us that might think some of our symptoms are permanent. Lastly, did I read correctly that you worked the entire time?

Of course.

 

24/7 ongoing dizziness- kind of like the whooosh effect many ppl describe. I couldnt drive for some time back then, it was that bad

Exhaustion /fatigue every day. Some days too weak to carry my grocery bags.

Depression

Daily brain fog

Monthly Paxil flu

Sleep problems, not insomnia, just interruptes sleep with 3 am wakenings

Neuro emotions

Aggressive outbursts

Anhedonia

Hypochondria

 

I worked the entire time. I had no other choice. When I look back I wonder how I managed to do so. I was sitting at my desk, behaving like a complete zombie with occasional aggresive outbursts at my co workers.

 

My ability to concentrate was not given at all. I worked 42 hours a week. Hardest time of my life.

 

:(


Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#19 DizzyGirl

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 07:57 AM

Thank you DizzyGirl. I sure am glad you have come through. If I can ask, what did you do or think to persevere through your trial? I know at first everything changes. Our life as we knew it changes. I noticed you said your lifestyle obviously changed dramatically and patience became a must. So many people in our life do not really understand this change in our life due to this. Did you talk to the people on the site??

 

Thank you. I talked to people from Paxilprogress mainly and read the threads there. When it was closed by the site owner I created an account here. I was reading threads here, but not communicating so much anymore.

 

I was kind of disappointed in my friends and family at that time. They never listened or udnerstood my problems. They had no interest in reading the articles about wd. When PP website closed down, I felt quite alone for a long time.

 

It is like you said people just dont understand. They will accuse you of being depressed. They want you to go back on the drugs.

 

I had a particular friend that always wanted to force alcohol on me, even though I have told her that my csn is too sensitive. It made me so aggressive that she never listened.

 

I dont want to go through withdrawal again in my life, because the circle of friends will get substantially smaller.


Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#20 triplem15

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 10:14 AM

But what did you do to persevere everyday, month after month. What helped get you through.
I do take Flonase,also take Zyrtec on and off. Maybe twice per week. I am on Vit. C, B-complex, Vit. D, selenium, Vit E, fish oil, and l-lysine and thats it. No street drugs. No alcohol. 9/2006 Welbutrin XL 150mg, Began Weaning June 15, 2015, Alternating days, changed each mos. Oct 2015 switch to Immediate release 37.5mg. mid october 2015 down to 18.75, (9.37mg twice daily. stayed there one mos.) Dec 2015 down to 9.37mg in AM and 7mg in PM, January 2016 down to 7mg AM and 4.6mg in PM. 4/5/16 cut down what I thought was 2.5 to 3mg. From 4/16/16 until yesterday, was not doing well. 4/20/16, 37.5mg yesterday for first time. 4/21/16 Two days now on 37.5mg. 4/22/16 took monitors advise and dropped dose to 18.75, split dose ,twice daily, now holding.

#21 DizzyGirl

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 10:43 AM

But what did you do to persevere everyday, month after month. What helped get you through.

 

Only my cats. Sorry. They were AT FIRST the only reasons to keep going.

 

I know how hard it is, but anybody needs to find his/her strength and needs to do it for himself/herself, family, friends... whatsoever. You need to find a reason to be strong and I hope that everyone will find a reason to keep going through that hell.

 

To be honest I did set myself deadlines at first and told myself "I will do this for one more year, if it doesnt stop then, I will jump off a cliff." But with the years that have passed I changed. I got thankful for some goods hours and later on thankful for some good days, weeks, months..

 

I dont take things for granted anymore. If you have a good day, know in your heart, there will be more to come.

 

If you only have one good hour everyday, be thankful for that too.

 

Don't compare your life now to the life you had. You will eventually recover, but please be thankful for the minutes where the brain fog lifts and kNOW that it will be good again.

 

We are all searching answers and comparing our suffering with the suffering of others... but my only advice is keep going on a little bit more.

 

:(


Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#22 triplem15

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 11:22 AM

Thank you DizzyGirl. I will. You know, I didn't quit cold turkey but after 10 months af too fast a taper, before I was even off of the A/D, everything snowballed. I am 4 months into a reinstatement at a low dose. It has just been so hard. Not at good and steady yet. I just keep on hoping and praying that good and steady is coming. I have seen small changes in the past four months for the positive but it will be months before I would even consider a taper. It just depends on how long it takes to get good and steady and then I will hold even longer. DizzyGirl, I am hopeful by your own story. As I just said, didn't quit cold turkey but it has felt like I have. You are thoughtful and kind to come and share. You give hope that yes, though improvement is so slow, it does come. Thank you. Thank you so much!!!! What other words of good advice would you give to us in this process? Please share them.
I do take Flonase,also take Zyrtec on and off. Maybe twice per week. I am on Vit. C, B-complex, Vit. D, selenium, Vit E, fish oil, and l-lysine and thats it. No street drugs. No alcohol. 9/2006 Welbutrin XL 150mg, Began Weaning June 15, 2015, Alternating days, changed each mos. Oct 2015 switch to Immediate release 37.5mg. mid october 2015 down to 18.75, (9.37mg twice daily. stayed there one mos.) Dec 2015 down to 9.37mg in AM and 7mg in PM, January 2016 down to 7mg AM and 4.6mg in PM. 4/5/16 cut down what I thought was 2.5 to 3mg. From 4/16/16 until yesterday, was not doing well. 4/20/16, 37.5mg yesterday for first time. 4/21/16 Two days now on 37.5mg. 4/22/16 took monitors advise and dropped dose to 18.75, split dose ,twice daily, now holding.

#23 DizzyGirl

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 11:40 AM

The only advice that I can give is live as healthy as you can- see above under "things that helped." Be careful with supplements. I reacted very very strongly to supplements from vitamin  B to fish oil. So be careful when you take stuff like that.

 

And last but not least. I have my own weird theory when it comes to wd. I am by no means a dr or a scientist, so maybe others can weigh in if they have made similar experiences:

 

I got considerably better when I lost the majority of weight, as if (dont know if it is true) part of Paxil /residue of Paxil was still stored in my fat cells ? Does that make any sense?


Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#24 triplem15

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 11:58 AM

I am not sure but it could be a huge factor. I am a nurse and I think it is very possible. The fat cells hold onto all kinds of toxins. So not sure. I walk a lot and I have lost 16 pounds since this all started but I have also made some healthy lifestyle changes. I drink a lot of water. No caffeine, very little sugar and no alcohol. I too am very sensitive to supplements. I have not been able to do magnesium. A supplement so many have found helpful. I can tolerate Vit C and take about 2500 mg day. I am on the supplements I have been on for years and that is it. VitD, lysine, 1fish oil, Vit B6, Vit E. I tolerate these fine but again, I have used all for many years except the added Vit C And Vit E. I have not tolerated others. I am very skeptical about any now. I do not add any on. Oh, except 1/4 tsp of raw honey and coconut oil also. When were you able to tolerate heavier exercise? Walking is all I can tolerate now. But walking doesn't elevate cortisol. So it is good. Thank you DizzyGirl.
I do take Flonase,also take Zyrtec on and off. Maybe twice per week. I am on Vit. C, B-complex, Vit. D, selenium, Vit E, fish oil, and l-lysine and thats it. No street drugs. No alcohol. 9/2006 Welbutrin XL 150mg, Began Weaning June 15, 2015, Alternating days, changed each mos. Oct 2015 switch to Immediate release 37.5mg. mid october 2015 down to 18.75, (9.37mg twice daily. stayed there one mos.) Dec 2015 down to 9.37mg in AM and 7mg in PM, January 2016 down to 7mg AM and 4.6mg in PM. 4/5/16 cut down what I thought was 2.5 to 3mg. From 4/16/16 until yesterday, was not doing well. 4/20/16, 37.5mg yesterday for first time. 4/21/16 Two days now on 37.5mg. 4/22/16 took monitors advise and dropped dose to 18.75, split dose ,twice daily, now holding.

#25 ladybug99

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 05:14 PM

DizzyGirl, Congratulations on your healing. That's wonderful! And thank you so much for the details on your healing process. Much appreciated. I have one question: When did you start losing the Paxil weight? During your taper, or after? If during your taper, about how long into it did the weight start melting off?
ADs for approx 20 yrs.
Klonopin .05mg 2009-2013 Last dose Aug 2013
APRIL 21, 2015: switched from Paxil cr 25mg (equiv to 20. mg regular paxil) to liquid Prozac 20 mg. Took prozac for 5 weeks. Didn't work.
MAY 21. 2015: switched back to Paxil - liquid 5mg for 1 week. Then upped to 7.5. Waiting to stabilize at this.
Tapered off prozac in 2 weeks.

#26 mrsrebeccahall

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 05:14 PM

Amazing. I took SSRIs for 13 years and have been off six months. Best thing I ever did was quit taking the pills. I find myself avoiding anyone negative. If I fight with my husband it takes days to recover. I'm almost the same age as you. Now that I can actually feel PMS and ovulation it's great. I'm just grateful to have any feelings or emotions at all other than just anger ad sadness.
13 yrs on SSRIs-tried all of them-august 2015 did a 50% taper from 40mg Celexa to 20mg-protracted withdrawal November 2015. Reinstated 40mg Celexa. December switched to Lexapro 20mg bc its available in liquid form to prepare for taper. Three unsuccessful prior attempts to wean and determined to be successful. No doctor will help me.

#27 DizzyGirl

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Posted 26 August 2016 - 09:57 PM

Ladybug 99, the weight never fell off. I had to work my ass off to lose it. Some ppl lose weight during their taper but not me. I cold turkeyed and even gained at first. My metabolism was very damaged at that time. I always used to be skinny I blew up on Paxil like a whale and got addicted to eating carbs.As my metabolism was so ****** I had to work out six days a week and to reduce my calories substantially. It was a hard time. Most of my weight was stored in my belly. I looked pregnant most of the time.


Edited by scallywag, 27 August 2016 - 07:06 AM.
clean up language

Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#28 AliG

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Posted 28 August 2016 - 06:30 AM

 DizzyGirl.  Thanks for coming back to share your story. You have given a lot of people , a lot of hope . It's so great that you are doing so well and even better that you came back to talk about it.

I wish you the best for the future and I hope you continue to pop in here occasionally and spread some joy. We all love to hear about your success as it helps so many to realize this is only temporary and a brighter future is just around the corner. Again, thank you.

Ali


Many SSRI's &SSNRI's over 20 years . Zoloft - 7 years .  Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and many more - on and off . No tapering. Cold turkey -  Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                            Drug free since May, 2014
.
             "Find a place inside where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain" - Joseph Campbell


#29 Shep

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Posted 28 August 2016 - 11:02 AM

Beautiful success story, DizzyGirl.

 

You have an amazing amount of strength to have worked through that, as well as gaining so many non-drug coping skills during your journey. Thanks for letting us know what did and didn't work for you. 

 

Wishing you many years of health and happiness.  :)


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#30 Altostrata

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Posted 28 August 2016 - 11:54 AM

Congratulations, DizzyGirl.

 

Please post photos of your cats!


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#31 twinedenter256

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Posted 28 August 2016 - 01:07 PM

Just wanted to add my congratulations, DizzyGirl. So happy for you that you have made it through. And thank you for your candid and thoughtful account of your experience. It is really helpful to hear about what worked for you and what did not. Wishing you all the best!


1996 (age 25) put on Serzone for major depressive episode (don't remember dose). Continued for about 3 years.

~2000 put on Zoloft (don't remember dose). On and off for about 13 years.

~2013-2016 put on "aggressive" cocktail: Effexor (225mg at peak); Serzone (450mg at peak); Abilify (2.5 mg every other day); Adderall (40 mg); Ambien (10mg)

Spring 2016: Experienced serotonin-syndrome-like symptoms; began taper off of Serzone by 100 mg every two weeks; discontinued without symptoms

Next: Discontinued use of Abilify "cold turkey"; experienced no withdrawal symptoms

Next: Decreased Adderall by 5mg per week; got to 10mg per day; held there for about three weeks; serious attention and energy problems; went back up to 30 mg/week

Next: Began taper of Effexor: I had dropped from 225 to 150 in May with no significant symptoms; then in early July dropped from 150 to 75, and about two weeks later began to have a significant and sustained spike in anxiety.

Also addicted to smokeless tobacco for ~3 years

Mid-July 2016: Effexor (75mg); Adderall (30mg); Ambien (10mg)

July 28, 2016: Effexor (67mg); Adderall (30mg); Ambien (10mg)

August 11, 2016: Effexor (60mg); Adderall (30mg); Ambien (10mg)

September 9, 2016: Effexor (54mg); Adderall (30mg); Ambien (10mg)


#32 DizzyGirl

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Posted 29 August 2016 - 01:15 AM

For cat spam just click the link https://www.instagra...he_reading_cat/

 

 

:)


Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#33 Tootsieroll

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Posted 29 August 2016 - 10:58 AM

Ladybug 99, the weight never fell off. I had to work my ass off to lose it. Some ppl lose weight during their taper but not me. I cold turkeyed and even gained at first. My metabolism was very damaged at that time. I always used to be skinny I blew up on Paxil like a whale and got addicted to eating carbs.As my metabolism was so ****** I had to work out six days a week and to reduce my calories substantially. It was a hard time. Most of my weight was stored in my belly. I looked pregnant most of the time.

 

What a glorious recovery.  I say glorious cause I literally imagined Angels singing as clouds part, letting sunlight in.  Congrats on the end of your journey. 

 

I wanted to ask when did you start working out?  I am 3 years out by January and after my short stint with benzo withdrawal I cannot for the life of me do any cardio.  When I do any running, I get hit with waves and my stomach distends even further.  I think the heightened cortisol from cardio creates water retention or visceral fat around belly.  I am only able to do weights at the moment as it prevents my heart/adrenals from overworking but I am now building muscle under my fat.  I would love to be able to burn that layer of fat.  Did you push through your workouts and just bear with the waves that come with it?? Maybe I can attempt cardio after my 3 year mark.


<p>10 years of ssri and finally tapered off in 2 years. Off Celexa by jan/28/2014 and off benzos by March/6th/2014 after only two months use and still experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

#34 BlueLeader

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Posted 29 August 2016 - 06:03 PM

DizzyGirl,

 

Thank you so much for telling us your story. You are very brave.  Heck, anyone who sticks around to fight this and refuses to give up is brave.

 

So glad you are doing better.  

I almost teared up when you wrote "If you only have one good hour everyday, be thankful for it"

 

Thanks again


Mid 2006-Early 2013  Celexa 40 MG, Xanax .50, Trazadone 50 MG - No problems with side effects

Very fast-few weeks taper in Early 2013 off all medication.

Crashed summer 2013 Went back on all meds same dosage (different brand of Celexa) Sept 2013. 

 

Sexual Side Effects (which I never had before) begun December 2013.  Off Celexa February 2014.  Xanax remained while Trazadone done in August 2014.

Continue to experience complete PSSD to this day with sadly no signs of improvement yet.


#35 DizzyGirl

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Posted 29 August 2016 - 09:31 PM

 

Ladybug 99, the weight never fell off. I had to work my ass off to lose it. Some ppl lose weight during their taper but not me. I cold turkeyed and even gained at first. My metabolism was very damaged at that time. I always used to be skinny I blew up on Paxil like a whale and got addicted to eating carbs.As my metabolism was so ****** I had to work out six days a week and to reduce my calories substantially. It was a hard time. Most of my weight was stored in my belly. I looked pregnant most of the time.

 

What a glorious recovery.  I say glorious cause I literally imagined Angels singing as clouds part, letting sunlight in.  Congrats on the end of your journey. 

 

I wanted to ask when did you start working out?  I am 3 years out by January and after my short stint with benzo withdrawal I cannot for the life of me do any cardio.  When I do any running, I get hit with waves and my stomach distends even further.  I think the heightened cortisol from cardio creates water retention or visceral fat around belly.  I am only able to do weights at the moment as it prevents my heart/adrenals from overworking but I am now building muscle under my fat.  I would love to be able to burn that layer of fat.  Did you push through your workouts and just bear with the waves that come with it?? Maybe I can attempt cardio after my 3 year mark.

 

 

If you can't do cardio, do not do it. I started around when I was 14 months off Paxil, BUT I didnt feel like I was "ready" ready at that time at all. The first workouts were done (free workouts on youtube, search for fitness blender) and instead of resting for 1 or 2 days I had to rest for 5-7 days. It got easier the more I worked out.

 

I read Claire Weekes book at that time and she always says "just do it, what can happen anyway?" I had the wildest things in my head. I was sure I would faint during workout or even die. But it didn't happen. It was hard for me to workout, because at that time I had this nasty 24/7 dizziness and I couldnt hold my balance, but I still pushed through.

 

I think your comment regarding rising cortisol and water retention is pretty accurate. I, too, had this feeling that I retented more water than usual. If you are a cardio beginner, everyone will retent water, that is indeed quite normal. But I thought something was really "off" with my body. The way you describe it might be absolutely right.

 

Maybe just continue with your weights and eat healthy. You can do toning cardio when you feel you can manage. Or try one of those fitness blenders workouts and just do the shortest  one? 15 Minutes ?

 

Take care


Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#36 DizzyGirl

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Posted 29 August 2016 - 09:32 PM

DizzyGirl,

 

Thank you so much for telling us your story. You are very brave.  Heck, anyone who sticks around to fight this and refuses to give up is brave.

 

So glad you are doing better.  

I almost teared up when you wrote "If you only have one good hour everyday, be thankful for it"

 

Thanks again

 

Thank you. Don't give up. Take day by day and don't lose hope. Just keep in mind when you have some withdrawal free minutes, this is just the beginnining... it is a sign for better days to come.

 

Take care


Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)