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Needs some good advice

Boyfriend helping mother understand help advice

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#1 sarabb

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Posted 07 September 2016 - 07:04 AM

Hello

This is the situation right now:

I live in a place where I am forced to take medication everyday. Everyday is worse than the other. Its only about to survive the next day. I left my boyfriend 3 months ago because he didnt understood the situation. I still love him and miss him. He himslef took medication and it can be a reason why he didnt have the surplus to care about my problems. I have a new one who is better at handling my problems. He has never got such strong medication as I has and thats why its worrying me if he can understand the pain i am living in everyday. I feel like a zombie. I am afraid he is leaving me because i am losing myself. I love them both, maybe I love the one that I left most but i dont wanna go back to him because i dont wanna **** it up with the new one. And still, I am confused about my feelings because they are dissapearing all the time so maybe I cant feel the love I have for my new boyfriend? I am confused. Please, if you have any advice, give it to me. And i dont wanna fight against the place that i live to make them stop giving me mediciation because I simply not have the energy. And also, I have to go to work everyday feeding some animals because otherwise they are kicking me out. My body is simply completely broken.

What am i doing about it?


When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldnĀ“t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.


#2 westcoast

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Posted 13 September 2016 - 05:19 PM

It sounds like this situation is something you have to endure until you gain a little strength.  In your current situation, the drugs seem like the worst thing, and the most important thing to work on. I don't know what drugs they are making you take, or how long they have been doing it, but gradually, the effect of the drugs might grow weaker and you might become stronger and more confident. Then perhaps you can describe the effects of the drugs to your doctors, and inquire about a lower dose, or different drugs with side-effects that are less disabling.

 

Boyfriends are nice to have, but they must be allowed to leave if your drugged condition keeps you from doing your part in the relationship. It is possible that friendships with people of both sexes would be more valuable to you and others while you are on drugs that make it hard for you to know how you feel about a boyfriend. Plain old friendships can be lighter and easier to enjoy, and also very rewarding and very important to recovery.

It sounds like your work with the animals is made difficult by the drugs. Can your boss accommodate your disability in any way? If you are having trouble lifting heavy objects or staying on your feet (walking or standing), there might be a way to reduce the need for those, and still let you work. It's too bad that you have to work when you are affected by drugs that make it very hard to work.


2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:


#3 sarabb

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Posted 21 September 2016 - 01:39 AM

Thanks for your answer :)


When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldnĀ“t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.






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