Eleven10

Eleven10: 30 months off Prozac

194 posts in this topic

Eleven - you know your body, your symptoms and your life. You have to decide what is going to work for you. ECT is something I know nothing about and therefore I'm more than a bit fearful of it. If you choose to have that treatment, I really hope you get the relief you want.

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Thank you scallywag that is nice to read.

It's such a huge decision and i don't mind telling you it terrifies me. I just don't know what else to do.

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Hi Eleven.  I can understand your trepidation with this treatment as it is highly invasive and has had variable outcomes. It can make possible permanent changes to your brain and is something to consider at your own risk.

 

We have a discussion on the topic here and it would be worthwhile reading through the whole thread carefully in order to help you weigh up the pros and cons of this treatment.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9808-ect-for-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

I don't think the possible benefits outweigh the considerable risks but this is your decision to make. At least now you will have some more facts information and others' personal experiences to base that decision on.

 

I hope this helps.

Ali

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Thank you Ali that is really helpful.

 

Whilst he won't agree the drugs did this to me my psychiatrist does agree I'm very sensitive to meds. Once I'm on them I'm ok and they worked very well for me I did not stop because of side effects or because they did not work, I stopped because I felt well.

 

I cannot believe I'm actually considering electrocuting my brain after being quite well on a relatively low dose of Prozac but I suppose it show how desperately ill I am and how powerful and damaging these drugs are. I think even if I became stable of a med I would be in termoil knowing what to do next, knowing what hell waits for me when I stop.

 

Thanks again for the link I appreciate you finding that for me.

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The activation for me has never subdued in 3 years. My blood still hums with electricity today as it did 3 years ago. last night I fell asleep around 12.30 woke at 2 with rls and needing the toilet, went back and woke at 4.30 toilet again and rls then woke at 6.30, if I try to sleep after this my body fills with electricity and I literally feel like I'm humming for hrs. Iv consistently taken magnesium but it does nothing as I ran out over xmas and felt no different.

I suppose this is what Healy meant when he said when it becomes entrenched..

I'm still seriously considering ECT I don't intend to rush into such a massive decision and I take it very seriously but I really don't feel I have much to loose, I have read that it can disable some but ssri withdrawal had disabled me already.

The last two years whilst not feeling any different I had hope, I feel very very low that nothing has changed but at the very back of my mind I know nothing will change until I change it. If I had one day of feeling well I would wait for years as it would prove that my body can recover but I haven't.

Trying to stay strong

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I'm debating with myself on trying 1-5 mg of Prozac before I try ECT. I need to try and settle the activation and insomnia. I feel it's literally killing me, my bp has steadily rose except for when I took dosulapin, I have an irregular heart beat too, I need alo of care to help with food and stuff and that's destroyed my confidence as iv always been very healthy and independent.

 

I don't mind if I don't get replies on here at all as it's hard when people are suffering long term to suggest anything, I try to think as this as my diary. I hope to read this in the future when I'm in a better position.

 

Iv had to stop seeing the osteo for a while as I felt so unwell after each session, I would tremble for hrs. Iv not been able to walk like I used to either, if I try when I'm severely sleep deprived I have to call someone to pick me up as I would feel too unwell to take another step. Then I would be unable to lay down either as the cortisol rushes would overwhelm me.

 

Iv cut bread and sugar completely from my diet and hope this helps.. I was in a slightly better position this time last year as I remember going for 2 quite long walks in a month. They were physucalky difficult and not long by most people's standards but I was happy I'd done them.

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Eleven.  What do you feel is killing you ?  Insomnia ?  Activation ? 

 

A lot of us live with irregular heartbeat . It is often a withdrawal symptom and usually improves in time.

 

How has your walking changed ?

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Insomnia is definitely having a huge negative effect on my health.

 

The heart thing started in withdrawal whilst I don't think it's immediately dangerous.

 

I can't walk like I used to even short distances I don't have the strength or energy. It's not for lack of trying.

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I understand the insomnia. It was one of the hardest symptom to deal with as it affects everything . I also experienced the heart palpitations which was difficult but manageable. 

 

Regarding your walking : do you mean that you don't have any stamina ? This is also common in withdrawal and should hopefully improve in time.

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Thank you Ali

 

My gait is all off and I don't have the strength to walk anymore.

 

I'm tortured by repetitive thoughts at night along with all the terrible withdrawal symptoms.

 

After 3 years I deserve some peace even just a little

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Having ect in march.. if it relieves half the symptoms you won't be able to wipe the smile of my face.

 

Iv been awake for almost 40 hrs with tinnitus and repetitive thoughts, thinking my cat was trying to get in the house, getting up and down the whole night imagining I can hear him and worrying he's sick.

 

I have everything crossed for semi success, just a helping hand up and I'll do the rest. I used to go to the gym everyday after work, if I can do that again I can pull myself out of this hell whole without meds.

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I had the most disturbing nap today, I had gone 5 days with very little sleep. Last night I took 1/4 of zoplicone 3.75 and fell straight asleep and slept for 7 hrs. This afternoon my head hurt so much I laid on the sofa and closed my eyes, for 35 mins I felt unable to move and that I was being sucked into a vile chemical mud iv was horrible. I don't think it was the zop as this has happened a few times before but not for over a year..

 

I saw a psychiatrist at the chronic pain clinic today and we both discussed akathesia I have had for 3 years.. for a long time I have felt the need to hold my arm bent of my head and stroke the back of my hair, I do it for hrs until I can hold my arm no longer, she said that this could have been part of it. The more I learn that I was right and they were wrong about my illness the more depressed I feel.

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I just can't do this anymore

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Eleven -- sorry that you're feeling discouraged and down-hearted. Please remember that these symptoms will pass. You WILL get better.

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Eleven,

 

If anyone can do this, you can.

 

It doesn't matter how you get there, whether you walk or crawl......keep crawling if you have to.

 

I've lost all dignity in this road to recovery anyway, so I'll just keep plodding, or crawling until I reach the finish line.

 

What are you going to do when you reach your finish line?

 

JC

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It's the insomnia I just can't take it anymore. It's torture every night. The little noises that fill my stomach and brain full of adrenaline. It's all too much for me no human can survive years on so little sleep and the sleep I do get is poor.

It's no way to be live and I struggle staying here like this. Iv never been a drama queen and I know many here suffer insomnia but this is too much, I need some help

 

Thanks JC if I get better I will spend my life making this up to my loved littl ones

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Eleven10 -

 

I am 17 months off c/t Prozac.  Congratulation on being 3 years off Prozac.  What an accomplishment.  I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with insomnia.  I know it is very frustrating.  I have been dealing with insomnia as well as many other symptoms. 

 

I understand feeling like you need to make this up to your loved ones.  I feel the same way.  I thanked my family the other night for putting up with me during withdrawal and burst into tears.  It is awful that our loves ones have to suffer as well.  I am certainly not the person I was before going off Prozac, but I guess none of us really are.  I keep saying all I want is to be happy again, like my screen name. 

 

I pray that you find some relief from your insomnia. 

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Hi Eleven10,

 

I imagine you've been through the sleep threads forwards and backwards by now?  Insomnia is one of the really tough symptoms to cope with, so we all really feel for you.

 

Is there any nutrient you may be missing in your diet?  I ask because I sorted out my sleep problems by starting a supplement (MSM) which I'd been lacking.  Although, my sleep issues were not as bad as yours are.  It's possible it was the MSM specifically, or it may have been the fact that when your body gets the stuff it needs, it's more able to sleep.  So for you, it may be worth thinking about what your body might be lacking.

 

Another caveat:  when in w/d, almost anything can cause activation and worsening of symptoms.  So anything you decide to try should be taken in low doses and built up slowly.  We can't just go to a herbalist/nutritionist/chemist and get their recommendations, because it's way more complex for us.  Any ideas should be carefully thought through and checked for possible issues in the threads here on SA. 

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Thank you.

 

I have tried sleep hygiene and many other suggested things. Iv done a cbt online course.

 

It feels like I'm constantly balancing on the edge of sleep, desperate to fall in but can never quite get there. I lay down desperate for sleep, I start to feel drowsy and my thoughts swim then within 20 mins some strange feeling comes over me and I'm wide awake. Hrs pass until I finally fall asleep for 2-3 hrs then I'm wake again. All the worries iv always had become extreme and I'm forced to get up, soon as I'm up I become so tired I feel I have to lay down again and the cycle repeats.

 

I have noticed if I ever sleep a normal amount of hrs I'm so unwell the next day I struggle to function even on the most basic llevel, I feel overwhelmingly depressed and dizzy and very very angry. It really is all messed up.

 

At this point I would happily be back on Prozac amd have the diluded impression I need the drug for some imbalance but in reality I'm dependant. I wouldn't care. It's no achievement being off the drugs if your quality of life is so low. All iv achieved is losing my health, my husband, my family and my financial stability.

 

I was highly strung before meds so it fits that I'm now super highly stung thanks to withdrawal. I was always posting about the future though, now I just don't see one.

 

Karen thanks - your right about being sensitive, I find magnesium does nothing and may even wake me up and I only needed 1/4 of zoplicone to get off to sleep although I'm not going to take that anymore.

 

02b happy.. I wish you all the best and hope you find the happiness your looking for. Prozac has a way of sucking the happiness away but keep going

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I'm so sorry I have no more ideas to suggest - I really wish I did.  I've been thinking about others on SA who did have bad sleep, and it slowly improved.  Usually, it's time that makes the difference.  There are some success stories here, including AliG's, which I hope will be encouraging.

 

Have you tried melatonin?  A little of that does make a difference for many people.   

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Hi Eleven,  I have been away for a while and just back so this is the first time I have seen your thread and have to say that we have a lot in common! 

 

I also have awful imsomnia which can be seriously debilitating. Its been a problem for many years and at its worst I didn't sleep for days on end and would be hallucinating. Withdrawal insomnia is terrible, I would say its a nightmare but you have to be asleep to have a nightmare! 

 

It is still a problem but I run with it, I go to bed, no screens in there.  I have a clock that has a light that fades away over 15 minutes, then comes back on in the morning and brightens up over 30 minutes, to simulate dawn and dusk. Not sure it helps it's just there. I dont get up till the light is on unless I need the bathroom. I did a sleep diary a few years ago and was actually shocked at how little sleep I was getting. I knew I was an insomniac but hadnt realised until it was written down just how bad it was. You have detailed some bad nights and they run like my good nights right now. ( I am not in any way suggesting that yours is not as bad as mine) I have learned to rest when I am in bed, to relax my body and train my mind to let negative thoughts run through and away, not inviting them to stay the night with me.  I hate it when I go to bed at, say 11pm, fall asleep around 12 then snap awake feeling it must be morning but it is only 1am, that happens a lot and cant get back to sleep but I am grateful for that hour. I can function if I get 3 hours broken sleep, and can go out next day. Any less and I can't drive but thankfuy now I live in town so can walk to the coffee shop or to a friends. Previously I was quite isolated in a rural area so it meant I didnt get out or see anyone which is not good. 

 

Every morning I feel exhausted and just want to sleep, even more now because its winter and I have SAD, not long now till spring! I get myself up and take everything in stages. First get out of bed, thats box is ticked, then coffee (decaff) and breakfast.  Then I have to talk myself into getting a shower, I hate that shower! After that I feel almost human and can plan what I am going to do. Some days I am so tired I just go back to bed. I sometimes get an hours sleep, and sleep is sleep so I am grateful for it.  The good thing for me is that I am not in the same state of withdrawal that you are in so I do have days when I can get on with life. 

That thing with your arm over your head, I do that too when I am in bed! 

 

I have had ECT, 2 courses of 10 treatments and 2 when I started a course and refused any more when I became worse.  

 

The first one was surreal, I woke up and everything seemed so clear, brain fog gone, and sounds were very clear. My eyes were wide open ike a rabbit in headlights, I walked around in a kind of daze, like I was seeing things for the first time. It wasn't real though, and 3 days later the second treatment wiped it away. I refused any more but 3 years later, after many drugs and withdrawals I was in a terrible mess and had a course of 10 as an in patient. I was sectioned and massively suicidal.  I left the hospital during that time and was standing at a bridge going to jump off. I cant remember what heppened or how I got back to the hospital, just remember standing on the bridge, not on the wall, but on the bridge over the road.  The doctors said that ECT makes people better so they are able to function enough to commit suicide, they said the same about seroxat when I became suicidal on that poison too. I finished that course and had another course about year later. It has destroyed my memory, short term memory has gone and I repeat myself, can't remember what I've done and on here I will type the same thing maybe 3 times in a post so have to re read and re type over and over, this will take me at least 30 minutes. Whole blocks of memory have gone, weddings, holidays,  people. Someone gave me a huge hug in the street, asked how I was and said she would come and visit me, did I still live at the same place. She was genuinely pleased to see me and asked about my family by their names, I still have no idea who it was and watched her walk away with a puzzled expression! I would have thought she was mistaken if she hadn't known my family, even my cats! Of course it is your decision, but please do careful research before going ahead. Make sure you know all the facts and not just the ones the doctors tell you. 

 

You are in withdrawal, it is devastating and disabling but it does get better. Alto was sick for years and used her experience to start this forum, she is through it and doing great. She is not young either and over 60. Some have said that SSRI withdrawal causes permanent damage but so far there is no evidence to that claim. Your brain is remarkable, and is trying to regain normal function.  It takes time for everything to regrow, for 17 years your brain renewed itself around a drug, then the drug was taken away and it has to work hard to work by itself again.  Feeling suicidal is a part of withdrawal, and is hard to cope with.  The thought of this for years and years is enough to make anyone want to end it now, but it will get better.  I am now a great believer in positivity, take any tiny thing that makes you smile and treasure it. put out photos of people, children, pets, sunrise, anything that makes you smile.  Science has actually proved that if you smile or laugh, even fake smiles can boost the mood. I know this is physical torture but you can get through it, and will get there. 

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Thank you MammaP

 

Im sorry the Ect had such a negative effect on your memory. My memory is already terrible, I forget what i said 30 mins ago, struggle to remember events and have been refused a bank card as i have lost it so many times, I acknowledge it coul;d get worse though 

 

Clinical studies about ECT are the only studies I feel a little easier reading, they are not ghost written and pharma do not have a massive influence on them.

 

Im still making my mind up and it's such a massive decision all info is helpful so thank you.

 

The least sleep i get in 1-2 hrs a night, what I find so strange is if I ever get a normal amount of sleep eg 2 x 4 hrs the next day is horrific, depression is off the scale along with the neurological symptoms. I often feel too depressed to speak.

 

Everyone is different and the limit of everyone's suffering is different, for the last 3 years if someone had suggested trying another medication I would have very upset at even the thought but now I would be happy to be back on a medication and functioning I would spoil my childs endlessly, spend time on my health then in a few years consider a ridiculously slow taper, I know that may not be possible but if it was my smile would be endless. Everyones limit of pain is different and I genuinely feel I have reached mine , this agitated, hyperalert state is too much.

 

What I have given up is trying to pry confirmation out of Drs, therapists, family etc. I dont need anyone to agree or belive me anymore.

 

Thank you for taking time to write I appreciate it

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I'm going to try the dosulapin again, I realised today how ill I'm making my parents, they are in their 70s and have both developed health problems since my illness, we have always been very very close and seeing me so ill has effected them so much. They should not have to be carers at their age.

 

I'm thinking of trying a lower dose than the 25mg maybe 10 but will need to split the pill. ?

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Eleven10 -

 

I am sorry that you are still struggling.  You are correct that Prozac has a way of sucking the happiness out of you.  When I took it I felted happy, because I was numb to everything.  I didn't realize that until I stopped taking it.  You hear Prozac as being labeled the "happy pill" and for me it was true.  I had numerous side effects while taking it but I didn't realize it was cause by the Prozac.  Since getting off the Prozac those side effects went away but I am let with all these awful withdrawal symptoms. 

 

I am sorry to hear that your health is effecting your parents but I understand.  I can only imagine how my parents feel seeing me feel so bad.  There were days when I would go to their house just to have my mom take care of me and I would lay on their sofa. 

 

I hope that your symptoms start improving and that you get some relief soon.  It is terrible to suffer for so long. 

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Good luck. I would try that first. Anything is preferable to ECT.  That should only ever be a be a last resort.

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Please give me some fast advise I was bitten by a wild rat today and I'm about to have a tettenua and abitibiotics I'm really scared as very activated

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Please give me some fast advise I was bitten by a wild rat today and I'm about to have a tettenua and abitibiotics I'm really scared as very activated

Eleven10, God how awful.......just to ask, how did it happen? You will be ok, and have done exactly the right thing.

 

I would suggest monitoring the wound and trying to remain as calm as possible. The A&E Doctor will advise.

 

If you have lavender oil or other calming aromatherapy oil, use them and try meditation.

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My cat brought it in and I panicked and grabbed it. I could see how scared it was and I wanted out the cats mouth it wAs only a baby.

I'm very shaky and I'm worried the tetanus will make things worse

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I avoided the shot but have strong antibiotics. What I have noticed is since being In withdrawal I have had an almost constant high temperature. I thought it was coincidence but each and every time I have had my temp taken in the last 3 years it's been high.

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I think it's the pure exhaustion that causes the temp.

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I'm struggling so much to get my head around sleep makes me feel so much worse. I had slept around 3 hrs for 3 nights straight and felt extremely fatigued. Last night I had around 8 hr I woke up twice, I also napped for around 30 mins mid morning. This much sleep makes me feel

So much worse,lots more depressed lots more anxious, weak, more eye and head pain more everything with a vile anxious trembly feeling that makes me want to just sit down and give up. This happens every single time I sleep a normal amount of time. It's not just the groggy feeling you get after catching up on sleep debt, it's much much more and leaves me unable to speak properly it extenuated the whole ' too stimulated' feeling where objects and sounds are too much to handle. Scares me beyond belief

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Eleven. I know what you mean - it's brutal. All I can say is that you have to go through it . There is no other alternative.

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I know Ali. I suppose if I could understand the mechanism of it it would maybe put my mind at rest slightly.

The insomnia is brutal but I actually prefer the feeling of total sleep deprivation to this. This is off the scale

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I know sleep deprivation temporarily raises dopamine and maybe serotonin so maybe that is it. When I sleep more they drop lower.

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This is far too much for any human to endure everyday for 3 years. There has to be some breaks due to me.

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