Blondiee1915: 3 months off lexapro - does it get better?

[Blondiee1915]

Hi ShakeyJerr, good to hear from you and hope all is well .

 

Thank you for the compliment everyone on here is an inspiration . This is truly the most challenging experience each one of us will go through. Thoughts are powerful and I do think changing our thoughts from negative to positive will help tremendously . Of course there will be crappy days but we have to keep going . I almost forgot how annoying my tinitus used to be and I was whining about it and positing and stressing and now it is about 20% compared to 75% on the intensity level. So how about I celebrate that instead of dwelling on my other symptoms . It is hard but we have to keep trying .

 

Thank you for thinking of me

 

Lots of positive healing vibes your way

[Julz82]

Hi Blondie and Everyone!!

 

I am sorry the fatigue has been difficult again, Blondie, I really admire your mindset and absolutely agree that we can never have enough acceptance on this journey!! I really like the idea of sticky notes!! 

 

I am really tired with brain fog and it is bedtime here - so the best circumstances for trying to write!!

 

Take care of yourself!! 

Julz xxx 

[Happy2Heal]

Hi ShakeyJerr, good to hear from you and hope all is well .

 

Thank you for the compliment everyone on here is an inspiration . This is truly the most challenging experience each one of us will go through. Thoughts are powerful and I do think changing our thoughts from negative to positive will help tremendously . Of course there will be crappy days but we have to keep going . I almost forgot how annoying my tinitus used to be and I was whining about it and positing and stressing and now it is about 20% compared to 75% on the intensity level. So how about I celebrate that instead of dwelling on my other symptoms . It is hard but we have to keep trying .

 

Thank you for thinking of me

 

Lots of positive healing vibes your way

 

 

yep, this is how we get thru it!! if we just focus on what is still not the way we want it to be, we'll miss out on the blessings that are the improvements we've seen. You are doing so well in accepting things. I try, but I've had days when I was kinda like a whiny toddler: but I don't want to go thru this and feel crappy! I just dont want to!! lol

Speaking of tinitis, I'd nearly forgotten how bad it was, I have it so seldom now! I had some loud ringing in my ears late this afternoon and it was so annoying- and that's when it hit me: it's been gone for - I don't even know how long!!

I kind of took it for granted.

 

I'm glad things are headed in the right direction for you. In time, I'm sure everything else will be sorted out too, and you'll be in that place we all dream of, better, even if not perfect, health.

[Blondiee1915]

I have a question regarding bead counting.  I am currently taking 37.5 mg and I do notice that some beads vary in size.  I am not sure if this is making a difference for me.  I read the topic on Luvox tapering and do not know what to do.  I got a micro scale but it was not working properly I kept getting different number each time I weighted.  I also read that since I am still at a high dose that this slight variation in size might not make a big difference but again I am not sure.  Do you think I should go back to generic Luvox pill version instead of extended release?  Or maybe someone can recommend a scale.  Or since this is still a high dose I should be okay? 

 

I am struggling very much with fatigue.  I took a day off and slept for 12 hours.  Can barely move.  I re-read my notes in the journal and even though I had fatigue on lexapro I noticed I mentioned fatigue alot more when I switched to Luvox.  But at 37.5 mg dose is still low so the side effects should technically be mild.  I am not sure what to do if I should try to do a drop and see how I feel or hold.  I am holding for 4 months now at 37.5 and fatigue is still pretty bad along with dizziness, dp/dr.  Some days it is more intense and some  days still there but a tiny bit better (not much).  Basically I am trying to figure out if I am this fatigue bc I am WD from lexapro and luvox is not enough to alleviate WD symptoms or if my intense fatigue is due to WD and on top of that Luvox side effects are causing me fatigue as well.  

 

sorry for a pessimistic post 

[ShakeyJerr]

I don't know anything about bead counting, but I do know that you do not have to apologize to us for what you deem a "pessimistic post."

 

There is no pessimism in your post - just a friend who is struggling with a serious condition who is asking for help and doing a bit of much-deserved venting along the way.

 

Now, if you want to see pessimism - mixed with hope - go read my last few entries.

 

SJ

[SkyBlue]

Blondie, I am so glad you took a day off. 12 hours means you reaaaaalllly needed the sleep, and I bet your nervous system is thanking you for it. I'm so glad. 

 

I agree w/ Jerr that your post wasn't pessimistic, and even if it was, this is a situation that  can cause pessimism! You're allowed to vent. We're all here for each other. 

 

Hugs to you -- hopefully someone more familiar with bead counting (sounds sooooo frustrating) will come along soon. 

[Blondiee1915]

Jerr & SkyBlue - thank you for your support, means alot.  I am still resting.  After 12 hours thought I would be okay, but no energy.  And my lower back is killing me.  I remember someone was telling me this is where our adrenals are and what I am feeling pain in my lower back on both sides are actually my adrenals.  Not sure if this is true.  My dad got home from work and told me that maybe I need to end my suffering and start SSRI.  I tried to explain to him that I want to get off.  I feel sad that I cannot be the best person I can be and my dad's disapproval hurts my feelings.  Both of my parents do not understand that I will not be cured over a week.  I keep saying this is a long process.  My mom told me last night maybe go to get a massage for a week straight.  So frustrating. 

[ShakeyJerr]

Sending love & support. It is frustrating when family members do not understand what is going on. Remind yourself of why you quit the meds, and maybe gently relate that to your dad.

 

SJ
 

[Alice1]

Hey blondee.

I have the same problem with family. My father is the only one who wants me to stick it out through wd. He actually has a BA in psychology. Lol. No kidding. My daughter wants my to stay off too but she's only 9. I don't think she understands. The rest of my family believes in pills. Pills for everything. If you have sad feelings take a pill. If your butt hurts take a pill. needless to say they are on pills. Fortunate no ADs although my aunt is on 80 yes 80 mg of Prozac. My cousin just up dosed to 40 mg lex because of poop out. Of course he doesn't know it's pooping out. He just thinks it needs to be adjusted. But one thing I know is that they simply do not like to see me suffer. I'm sure your parents are the same. Btw. WHEN we get through this we're going to Mexico you and me.

[SkyBlue]

Jerr & SkyBlue - thank you for your support, means alot.  I am still resting.  After 12 hours thought I would be okay, but no energy.  And my lower back is killing me.  I remember someone was telling me this is where our adrenals are and what I am feeling pain in my lower back on both sides are actually my adrenals.  Not sure if this is true.  My dad got home from work and told me that maybe I need to end my suffering and start SSRI.  I tried to explain to him that I want to get off.  I feel sad that I cannot be the best person I can be and my dad's disapproval hurts my feelings.  Both of my parents do not understand that I will not be cured over a week.  I keep saying this is a long process.  My mom told me last night maybe go to get a massage for a week straight.  So frustrating. 

 

Hi Blondie, I'm sorry your family doesn't understand. Withdrawal is very, very real. 

 

Blondie, you said that "I feel sad I cannot be the best person I can be." Oh, <<<hugs>>>>. I really feel that this process and recovery will help you be who you are meant to be, fully.

Oh no I need to go --will finish later, sorry. <3 

[ShakeyJerr]

I agree with Sky - this process is helping us to be who we are really meant to be. I do understand your feeling right now during the hard times of withdrawal, however, that you are not that person yet. I often cry - heck, I'm starting to cry just writing this - that I am not the person/servant/husband/father I can be. I often feel the weight of failing my family and God during withdrawal, especially because I failed them all so miserably when I was on the meds.

 

And I think that right there is the point. We are becoming better people - all we are meant to be - through withdrawal, because we sure as heck were not those people when we were on the psych-drugs. I was a real bastard then. So now, just wanting to be a better person is a big step up from where we were!

 

SJ

[scallywag]

Blondie, you asked me questions about bead counting via PM.  I'll do my best to answer them.

1. Variation in bead size
   
   There will always be variation in bead size. I'm glad that the beads of the Luvox (fluvoxamine) you're taking differ only very slightly.  It's unlikely that small variation in dose from day to day will affect you. There is a possibility that you'll need to be more cautious at doses under 5 mg and you may be fine.
    
2. My experience with bead counting
   
   My beads were almost always similar sizes, like you only tiny differences. I've counted over 37,000 of them since last April, so I've got a good sample size. When I did find one that was dramatically smaller, I didn't use it. When I came across one that was larger -- often 2 stuck together -- I either counted it as 2 or didn't use it.

[SkyBlue]

I like what Jerr said, that this process is helping us become better people. 

 

There may be some resources on this site to help your parents understand what you're going through. Topics like "Why taper at 10% of your dosage?" etc. Because generally people do not understand the highly addictive and dangerous nature of SSRIs.

 

Did your mom mean get a massage every day for a week?

 

And yes, I do think that coming off meds is helping us be who we are meant to be. <3  Try not to judge yourself harshly, and definitely not right now.

[Julz82]

Hi Blondie and Everyone!!

 

I really like that there is so much positivity here, just seeing people support each other through what will hopefully be the most difficult thing we ever do... it does bring back faith in Humanity. I absolutely agree with SkyBlue: coming off meds is helping us become who we are meant to be, for some it may be an awakening after decades of being medicated into the twilight of oblivion. I also think that it is really important to catch ourselves with self blame and judgement, perhaps more sticky notes!! It is truly remarkable that our nervous systems can heal from those mind-altering drugs - but they do. And we show up for the fight every day. We may struggle, we may feel that we are running short on courage and patience but somehow we keep going - thank Goodness for the support we find here!!

 

I can relate to family having trouble understanding, but agree, parents do not want their children to struggle, which can sometimes come across as less supportive... in what Earth is medication bad for us? It goes against everything that we probably believed in not so long ago.

 

I think that becoming who you are is the most wonderful thing you can do for yourself - and your family!!

 

I am sure you are welcoming the weekend!! And I hope you can rest ... and feel a bit more rested.

Apologies for the "word salad" stemming from withdrawal brain!!

Hugs!!

Julz xxx

[bubble]

I like what you wrote Julz a lot

 

For anyone I would want to understand what we are going through better, I would share this article by our dear moderator Rhi.

 

It has changed my life. Really. We have included it in the 'welcome pack' but I suspect people don't really open the links and read so I copy it whenever I can. I like reading it over and over again.

 

And our Blondie here has grown so much in acceptance one of the key ingredients to beat this thing (along with patience and connecting with such fine group of fellow warriors)

 

Here it goes:

 

A lot of people, including healthcare practitioners; in fact, I guess, most people-- are operating from entirely the wrong paradigm, or way of thinking, about these meds. They're thinking of them like aspirin--as something that has an effect when it's in your system, and then when it gets out of your system the effect goes away.

 

That's not what happens with medications that alter neurotransmitter function, we are learning. What happens when you change the chemistry of the brain is, the brain adjusts its chemistry and structure to try to return to homeostasis, or biochemical and functional balance. It tries to restabilize the chemistry. For example: SSRI antidepressants work as "serotonin reuptake inhibitors." That is, they cause serotonin to remain in the space between neurons, rather than being taken back up into the cells to be re-used, like it would be in a normal healthy nondrugged brain. So the brain, which wants to re-establish normal signaling and function, adapts to the higher level of serotonin between neurons (in the "synapse", the space between neurons where signals get passed along).

 

It does this by removing serotonin receptors, so that the signal is reduced and changed to something closer to normal. It also decreases the amount of serotonin it produces overall. To do that, genes have to be turned on and off; new proteins have to be made; whole cascades of chemical reactions have to be changed, which means turning on and off OTHER genes; cells are destroyed, new cells are made; in other words, a complex physiologic remodeling takes place. This takes place over time. The brain does not grow and change rapidly. This is a vast oversimplification of the amount of adaptation that takes place in the brain when we change its normal chemistry, but that's the principle.

 

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

With multiple drugs and a history of drug changes and cold turkeys, all of this becomes even more complicated. And if a person is started on these kinds of drugs at an early age before the brain has ever completely established normal mature functioning--well, it can't be good. (All of which is why I recommend an extremely slow taper particularly to anyone with a multiple drug history, a history of many years on meds, a history of past cold turkeys or frequent med changes, and a history of being put on drugs at a young age.)

 

This isn't intended to scare people, but hopefully to give you some idea of what's happening, and to help you respect and understand the process so you can work with it; ALSO, because you are likely to encounter many, many people who still believe these drugs work kind of like aspirin, or a glass of wine, and all you need to do is stop and get it out of your system. Now you can explain to them that no, getting it out of your system is not the issue; the issue is, you need to regrow or at least remodel your brain. This is a long, slow, very poorly understood process, and it needs to be respected.

[Blondiee1915]

Hi everyone, 

 

Thank you everyone for your input and support.  This support is actually what is helping me tremendously dealing with WD.  My parents are my rock, particularly my mom.  She had me when she was about 20 so we have that sisterly relationship. We all live together (long story) and they help me with everything - food shopping, cooking, walks with dog etc.  My dad tries to understand and supports me but when he sees me suffer he tries to help me and I keep explaining to him that there is no short term fix.  I think I just got upset bc I respect him and his opinion and when your own father tells you to go back on medicine it is disappointment.  But I am keeping strong. 

 

Scallywag - thank you for information on beads counting.  I think I am overthinking this and since I am still on high dose I should be okay. I measure beads precisely and make sure they are the same size.  So hopefully this is okay.  I cannot believe you counted over 37,000 beads, impressive! 

 

Bubble - thank you for that quote.  I did read it a while ago, I even gave the same analogy of the plant on a trellis to my parents.  Thank you for sharing it on my page.  I will most likely go back to reading it to remind myself on what is happening.  

 

ShakeyyJerr, SkyBlue, Julz82, Alice1 - thank you for the support.  It truly means alot.  <3

 

And yes, I 100% believe that being off medication will guide me to the real me.  I feel like I do not want to bring the past and the frustration of how numb I was while on medication.  I was present but not, if that makes sense.  I just went through life like getting done with tasks, instead of being present and enjoying it. Did I even enjoy life?  Maybe, but not fully.  I do not even remember what it feels like to be yourself.  I catch myself having glimpses of emotions.  Of course some negative ones - the one that really bothers me lately is missing my ex bf.  It has been such a long time and it seems like I cannot let go.  I feel like WD brings that melancholy.  Remembering the past, and wishing for the things to be like they were with him bc of how bad things are now and being alone (if that makes sense).  Funny thing is when I was on medication I was not upset over the breakup.  On a positive side - I catch myself laughing, actually laughing and not forcing it.  Or simple things, like enjoying a cup of tea and reading a book.  Few days ago I took a bath and I had one of those Bridget Jones moments.  Sitting in a tub with candles on relaxing music and a book.  It was nice.  I like this side of me.  I was not like that on medication.   

 

I am still feeling hopeful, and accepting things as they come.  Knowing that there is a road ahead but taking it a step at the time.  I have to work on a few things such as diet and exercise.  I am being hard on myself over not doing things right.  Should I buy organic eggs?  Maybe I should not be eating nonorganic eggs and that is why I am feeling crappy.  Oh the pizza that I had for lunch was clearly not a good option.  Should I go dairy free again?  Am I taking too many vitamins?  Should I stop?  My middle name should have been worry. Maybe I can still add it to my birth certificate since I do not have one hmmm.  I overthink and analyze.  I even overthink my overthinking (if that is possible).  I wish there was a custom made manual for me with steps instructions and timeline.  Would be nice.  

 

I do believe this process teaching us how to be gentle with ourselves, how to care for ourselves,  to dig down to our inner soul and become who we are suppose to be.  

 

The rest of the week was okay.  I was a bad girl on Friday and had pizza and more bread for dinner.  I also got my liquid vitamin C.  I had some this morning on an empty stomach and I feel like it is still stuck in my throat.  I also got this nausea from it (not too bad),  I don't think I will continue with this liquid vitamin C.  I got some oranges from the store so I will eat them and get my vitamin C that way.  Still pretty fatigued and dizzy/disbalanced, but not lethargic.  Managed to take my mom to a doctor appointment and take my dog for a walk.  Sometimes I feel like my dog knows I need exercise.  She loves walking and takes me through the whole neighborhood.  Like 30 mins every day is a given.   Sometimes I do not take her bc of bad dp/dr and exhaustion.  But most of the times I do.  I am doing this also to be a good dog mom  

 

Hope everyone is doing well <33333

 

B. 

[Blondiee1915]

Having a rough couple days . Very bad crushing fatigue . Yesterday it was so scary at work . After lunch I got even more fatigued could not follow the conversation or pay attention or focus on work . My body felt so heavy I was almost delirious . I don't know how I made it through the work day . I got home slept for an hour woke up ate a small meal (no appetite ) and fell asleep again from 10 pm until 4 am then from 4.30 until 7 . So a lot of rest but this am same thing - very out of it exhausted just want to lay down and sleep . Why is it not getting better after being on Luvox for 5 months now . I feel like fatigue is getting worse and I am scared

 

I've read that SSRI deplete adrenals and so does stress . I am not sure why this is happening if this is stress related or SSRI related or both . There is nothing stressful going on in my life at the moment so do I assume this is WD . I am trying to rest and be gentle on myself but this is so hard . Will see how today goes with work . Not sure if I should try to drop Luvox a bit to see if that helps

[AliG]

Hey, Blondiee. I would just hold at this point as it sounds like normal withdrawals or even the effects of still being on the drug. You are still on a fair sized dose so it is not unreasonable to assume you are possibly still getting side effects from that. I always had fatigue both on and coming off the drugs.

 

It seems you did a huge drop of your Luvox in January? Is that, right? Was that within a week?

[ShakeyJerr]

I have been using the adrenal fatigue cocktail when I wake up in the morning (the 5am wake up, not the 3am wake up).

 

4 oz. orange juice

1/2 teaspoon of cream of tartar

1/2 teaspoon of sea salt

 

It has helped a little. The adrenal fatigue back pain is a little less. I don't know if it is helping with the cortisol spikes, but the science is sound: vitamin c to reduce cortisol and help the immune system, potassium in the cream of tartar to balance electrolytes, and the sodium in the sea salt to help replace what gets lost during the night sweats.

 

Some people do it before bed. I have not tried that yet, but I think I will give it a go Friday night (I like to start new things on Friday night or Saturday morning just in case I have a bad reaction to them; gives me the weekend to adjust/recover).

SJ

 

MODERATOR'S NOTE: IMPORTANT!!  PLEASE CLICK ON BELOW LINK REGARDING THE "ADRENAL COCKTAIL" FOR THOSE WITH HEALTH ISSUES:

 

Edited July 19, 2017 by Skeeter
Moderator's note added

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Ali! Thank you for the input . Yes I did do a huge drop 25% end of January from 50 mg to 37.5 . So I guess a lot of changes for me . The only reason why I did such a huge cut was severe episodes of vertigo that had me bed ridden . I was convinced it was Luvox related but again I am not sure 100%. I have not had a vertigo episode as I did when I was on 50 mg . My concern is that Luvox is one of the most sedating SSRI (if my research is not mistaken ) so it could be a side effect so maybe dropping a bit can be a good idea but at the same time I did do a lot of changes and still struggle with dp/dr agoraphobia so maybe it is not a good idea . I have to agree with you that holding makes the most sense for me . I just wanted some reassurance and insight if this debilitating fatigue is 'normal'

 

I am going to do some research on adrenal gland healing . Maybe I can do something to get them healed faster I am not sure . I guess time rest mild exercise and good eating habits are key .

 

Ali I also developed fatigue being on medication and clearly coming off

 

Hope you are doing well

[Blondiee1915]

ShekyyJerr - that you for that information. Actually my lower back pain was pretty bad the past few days. Sea salt makes sense bc SSRI also delete sodium levels and my sodium last time I got checked was on a low end . Maybe I'll try that cocktail . I also like doing things on a Friday after work just in case . I had no idea how intense the fatigue can be . Hope you are doing okay

[Blondiee1915]

One thing I forgot to mention which is also not in my signature is that I switched from Luvox to Luvox extended release sometime in January . Not sure if it can cause issues

[Frogie]

Hi Blondiee:

 

Just stopping by to say hi and see how you are doing?

 

Hopefully better.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[SkyBlue]

Hi Blondie,

 

Yes, definitely changing from regular to extended release (or tablet to liquid, etc.) has caused issues for people here.

 

I would say as far as the next drop -- I was going to write and say pleeeease wait longer -- but it is actually of course your decision.

It will take some doing, but it will be important to know what your "withdrawal normal" is. Brassmonkey has some great ideas on that topic around this site. I think I'm paraphrasing correctly to say that "WD normal" is a workable, manageable level of WD symptoms between drops/taper cuts that you can live with. The good news is that WD normal can be a baseline that improves with time as you go lower on the dose. 

 

Fortunately/unfortunately you and only you decide what level of WD symptoms constitutes "WDnormal" for you, and when you can make another drop. 

For some, WD normal means having few or no WD symptoms. For me, I know that when I'm having dp/dr on a daily basis, my brain is actively still dealing full-time with the changes from my last drop. 

 

I will write more soon because there are some things further up (more philosophical that I'd like to respond to when I'm a bit more clear.

 

Hugs and love. <3

[bubble]

As far as I remember, fatigue was the reason you switched from Lexapro to Luvox believing Lexapro was causing it...

 

One way of looking at the fatigue is that our brain uses a lot of energy to adjust to all the changes...

 

And the best remedy for the fatigue is....rest (as surprising at it may be). I know how hard it is to accommodate that as it can be severely disabling and limiting. I know that you are doing whatever you can to give your brain what it needs (rest) but maybe you should look beyond (what you deem possible under the circumstances). More radical work adjustments maybe?

 

I know how hard it is for us that have to kerp the job to pay the mortgage, etc.

 

I see my fatigue as brain using all the energy to heal itself. If I try to push through it I also end up with nasty symptoms just like you describe. What is enough rest and sleep for an ordinary person doesn't come close for us. I only come alive after I spend a day or 2 in bed. I think I can actually work for 4 hours per day without causing major problems for myself. Also haven't find my way round it and hoping instead the fatigue will leave. My advice would be do whatever you can to rest as much as you need without feeling bad or worried about it.

[Blondiee1915]

SkyBlue - I love your responses.  I feel like we share the same philosophical views I agree I should hold.  I am definitely nowhere near "WD normal".  I am trying to even recall what a normal baseline would feel like for me.  I feel like I do not have that baseline.  After going downhill in October and slowly reemerging I am still struggling particularly with fatigue. So I have to agree right thing to do is to hold.  Hopefully I will come around the corner soon.

 

Bubble - thank you very much for your input.  I love hearing from you as I feel like we share (unfortunately) many similar symptoms.  I do believe my brain is healing and resting is actually doing good for me.  I really freaked out yesterday over the fatigue, it really was something I cannot even describe.  Like sleep walking almost. I am a tinyyyyyy bit better today.  I am thankful.  I was also thinking about radical work changes.  I am nervous about talking to my boss or even considering to take time off.  I am a perfectionist by nature and would feel like I failed.  I know this is wrong and I am working on accepting that my health comes first and there is no shame in that.  I decided to take a few days off next week or so.  I am planning on resting relaxing and doing some self nurturing.  So that is the plan.  Take a few vacation days rest up and go from there.  Step at the time. Hoping for the best.  Hope you are doing well Bubble <3

[Happy2Heal]

just stopping by to say hi, and hoping that your fatigue lessens soon

(((Hugs)))

[Frogie]

Hi Blondiee:

 

I hope taking a few days off from work, and you rest will help.

 

Keep your chin up, it will get better.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Blondiee1915]

H2H & Frogie - thank you for stopping by ❤️ . I am hanging in there . Still pretty fatigued and brain fogged . But tomorrow is Friday and yesterday was a tinyyyy bit better so I am thankful . I cannot wait to get some rest and hope I would feel better .

Hope everyone is doing well . Frogie - no nausea, H2H- long and uninterrupted sleep ❤️❤️❤️

 

Edited March 30, 2022 by ChessieCat
changed member name

[Deise]

Hi blondie, I have just answered you on my thread!

 

Sorry for taking so long. I am glad to see you are hanging on and a little better, even if it is just a little, it is better nonetheless

 

I wish you all the best!

[Blondiee1915]

Another update - 

 

I made it through the work week.  It was tough with fatigue, dizziness, dp/dr.  On Friday I had an event after work did not get home until 9.30.  I do not know how I made it.  I was in constant anxiety mode - nervous, exhausted and alert at the same time.  Slept alot yesterday.  I guess my body needed that rest.  I hope I am not oversleeping.  I also got this symptom of my body being very tight and all clenched up.  Like I could not relax.  And also this awareness of this knot in my stomach.  I guess I am so fragile and any sort of anxiety/stress sends me into this.  

 

I am hoping to get to the park today and just walk and be in the nature.  I am nervous about it (having panic attack, racing thoughts etc), but I have to do this.  I feel like nature will do me good.  I think I am too much in my head thinking and overthinking and analyzing instead of being in the moment.  

 

Taking tomorrow and Tuesday off from work.  Looking forward to it.  Planning on resting and doing a few errands. 

 

I have not been good practicing mindfulness and yoga and exercise, and diet is so so.  I know I have to work on that. 

[Dwell]

Hi Blondie, just went through your thread. I hope taking these days off and the extra rest help! Like you:

I have not been good practicing mindfulness and yoga and exercise, and diet is so so. I know I have to work on that.

 

I really need to work on those things as they may help greatly!

[SkyBlue]

Another update - 

 

I made it through the work week.  It was tough with fatigue, dizziness, dp/dr.  On Friday I had an event after work did not get home until 9.30.  I do not know how I made it.  I was in constant anxiety mode - nervous, exhausted and alert at the same time.  Slept alot yesterday.  I guess my body needed that rest.  I hope I am not oversleeping.  I also got this symptom of my body being very tight and all clenched up.  Like I could not relax.  And also this awareness of this knot in my stomach.  I guess I am so fragile and any sort of anxiety/stress sends me into this.  

 

Taking tomorrow and Tuesday off from work.  Looking forward to it.  Planning on resting and doing a few errands. 

 

I have not been good practicing mindfulness and yoga and exercise, and diet is so so.  I know I have to work on that. 

 

Hi Blondie,

 

I think we do share a lot of the same philosophical views!! <3 

 

You made it through the week -- and through the extra-long day on Friday -- because you're a rock star! ! ! ! ! ! ! A rock star going through an incredibly trying experience. 

 

I do not think you're sleeping too much, for sure. 

 

Were you able to make it to the park today? 

 

I am so glad you're taking tomorrow and Tuesday off work. 

 

I'd also like to gently point out that you're being pretty critical of yourself, as far as eating, "not using mindfulness," etc. (Believe me, one perfectionist can recognize another!! ). I would just say, yes, those things are important, but try not to worry if you're not "there yet."

 

Geeez, I should take my own advice. The worse I feel, the further (and more deeply) I look at the future and try to figure everything out. It's definitely something I'm working on. (Are you listening, brain?)

 

It's awesome that you're doing regular walks with your dog. As far as food, something I've learned in eating disorder recovery is the 80/20 concept. If a person eats enough food, and the majority of it "whole foods" with fruits, vegetables, protein, fat, then there is some room for the "fun" stuff like treats. This was terrifying to me at first, but man it has made such a difference. 

 

Sending you love and hugs; let us know how the day goes. <3

[Alice1]

Oh man !!! I'd do anything to be able to eat a treat :-/ I took my father to dairy queen so he could get a dilly bar. I had some water. He did let me smell it though :-/

[SkyBlue]

Oh, sorry Alice1 if I upset you by mentioning "treats." 

[ShakeyJerr]

Oh man !!! I'd do anything to be able to eat a treat :-/ I took my father to dairy queen so he could get a dilly bar. I had some water. He did let me smell it though :-/

 

I hear you on the treats thing, Alice1! I have been avoiding desserts too. But I do fail on the food front from time to time - indulging in a few bad carbs (chips, french fries, pizza). I know I am paying a price for them. I wish I had better will power!

 

SJ