Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

Zodd: Maybe Wrongly Perscribed Risperidone


Zodd

Recommended Posts

Hello there, I'm Zodd, I'm 27 and here's my sad little story.

 

Some things to know about me; i've always been introverted, emotionally calm, something I have been praised for at work and other areas. I held a trying position and dealt with distraught and drunk people fine in my line of work every day and came home to help with my mother who suffers from lung cancer. My emotions have never been out of my control, something I prided myself on, as the rest of my family sometimes seem to only run on emotions. Before May of this year I'd never had any form of psychiatric help or medication. I don't drink and quit smoking cigarettes last year. And drugs are bad, mkay.

 

I had an episode where I thought I had recovered memories of physical abuse as a child. With it came a great deal of paranoia and some strange ideas about myself.  When my family couldn't correlate what I was saying with reality, they insisted I seek medical treatment. At first I refused, but decided it couldn't hurt if it would get them off my back and actually listening to me. I felt less paranoid when talking. After a few failed attempts to get my hospitalized, I agreed to be admitted to a place that ended up taking me far from my home. I expected I'd be given a thorough verbal evaluation about my mental state before being administered something. I was wrong. The hospital was far removed from what I had imagined. I was in a new and strange place and the paranoia was strong. Worse, it was Friday night, and I wouldn't be seeing the psychiatrist until Monday morning. I refused medication for the first few days, being informed by my sister over the phone (which they shut off at 8pm, and I'm a night owl) I wouldn't probably leave unless I agreed to be medicated. So when the psychiatrist finally came, I immediately agreed to be put on whatever he recommended and agreed to whatever he said so i could go home.

 

He prescribed me something called risperidone. I didn't notice any affects immediately. Except i was very indecisive, having trouble deciding what i wanted even for breakfast, something very unusual for me. So after a few days, he ups my dosage. I start to settle into the routine of the place by now, feeling more comfortable. But the indecision is getting worse, so a few days later I agree to up the dosage again.

Now I just feel kind of buzzed and tired, like I'd had a few beers. I expect this is the affect they are looking for and tell them I'm feeling better. I found if I just ate everything they had, I didn't have to make a decision, and boy was I always hungry. I'm still having the paranoia but with the medicine I feel medicated and don't really care. Finally after a week in the place I can see my family again. This is the first time I show any emotion to the doc, which was apparently what he was looking for all along. We talked about my prognosis and how he hoped this was a one time episode and could soon get off this medication with the support of my family.

 

So finally I'm free. We set up med management with the local hospital. I was only given a few pills and didn't know how long i needed to be on them for. The nurses were nice at the new place as i described my symptoms and problems. They prescribe me a huge number of pills, enough for a month! The label says something like "Take 2mg twice daily; one half as needed for anxiety."  I figure this is the necessary step in getting off them, so I take them as prescribed. I get over the tiredness but still feel the drugged property.

 

I'm still recovering more memories daily, more rapidly in fact, and due to the medication, being awake much earlier than I'm used to. But now that I'm home I feel the paranoia less. Unless I need to make a major decision, like where should I seek support, or should I seek this help or the other. Then the paranoia comes back ten fold causing me to be very agitated and rapidly changing my mind about the choices I make. Fear that I was making the wrong choice. This goes on until my next monthly meeting with med management. I talk with them about how my this isn't working. They and my family suggest I just give it longer, more time. My family in particular guilt me into keeping my medication going, as I can't be putting stress on my mother, who I said has cancer.

 

My family's peer pressure keeps me on the medication for another month. This time around I know its not helping, and we hint about changing medications. Maybe trying to split the dosage up over the day would help with the other side affects I was having. The idea of a different medication scares me more than staying on these pills (that's a big decision) so ....

 

Splitting the dosage was the wrong idea. One half a pill every four hours was more than I could keep up with. I started missing dosages. My indecision was reaching a peak, to the point where I couldn't decide over what bottle of juice I wanted while in the supermarket. I get agitated really easily. The idea comes that even taking my pills is something I should be weary of. The only person around is my mother, as my siblings suddenly are without a vehicle. She is more introverted than I am. Finally I've had enough, with no one around to talk sense into me, some weeks from my next med management appointment, I stop taking my meds. I'm not sure it was intentional.

 

These moments of outburst of emotion start happening. Moments of extreme emotion following some thoughts. Mostly over thoughts of how I've made the wrong decision. They'd affect me so bad, I'd start crying and eventually even screaming because I couldn't get the feeling to stop. I'd realize I made a mistake with my meds, and take a pill, after the outburst. The indecision was still sharp, so usually I'd end up debating for a while before grudgingly dry swallowing the sucker. After which, another outburst would happen, because I'd feel I made the wrong decision.

 

It's a viscous cycle. And the feel of an outburst coming on seems ever present, just behind my eyes.

 

My mother, being the introvert she is, doesn't inform my siblings this is happening and in this state, I don't want to talk to them. They're not around to witness my behavior, so it goes by the wayside. I realize, perhaps too late, that I've made a huge error in judgement in stopping my meds. Without my siblings to keep me in check, I feel they have abandoned me. Like it's the One Ring, I spend most of my day on the couch, pill in hand, debating to take it. I realize this pill has created some kind of addiction in my brain, because even when I decide to not take it, the urge to take it wakes me up in the night. I regret ever having stopped.

 

So i start taking the pill regularly again. I'm all prepared to explain how things are getting so bad at the next meeting. The outbursts aren't stopping, but I'm learning the thoughts that cause them. I bring my mother in to testify on events. On the way to the appointment, I realize I've missed a dose. Talking about my medication is one of the triggers that sets off the hyper feelings.  As I'm fumbling my way to explaining how I need a new medication, and how I feel I might have permanently damaged my brain by stopping, can't focus or sit still any more, I admit i missed a dose to the psychiatrist. And I realize the more i try to explain myself to her, the worse it looks. She gets this nice mule look in the eye.

 

I bring up the topic of how I wasn't supposed to be on this medication this long, that the original psychiatrist had said so. They have no idea what I"m talking about.

 

Apparently I never signed a release form between the two hospitals, so they never got the memo I was supposed to be off it.

 

I didn't learn that risperidone is an anti-psychotic until that visit. I thought I was taking an anti-anxiety medication. Such as my bottle says.

 

This brings me up to present. My next appointment is the 9th of November.

---

 Wow, I can't believe I wrote all that. Maybe that was too much info. If anyone has any insight into my symptoms I've described, I'd enjoy hearing them, because I only see the psychiatrist for ten minutes. If i can recover anything, i'm hoping its the ability to sit still for more than five minutes.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment
  • Replies 84
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Zodd

    48

  • scallywag

    18

  • IDK

    5

  • AliG

    3

Top Posters In This Topic

Hey Zodd,

 

you may want to watch the risperdone.  It can have some pretty serious and harmful side effects.  I was forced to take it for 6 months and developed brain damage (I couldn't speak) and akithisia (the inability to sit still.  I paced in circles or back and forth all day).  It also killed all my libido.   There are plenty of others on this website who are still having problems like apathy, no sexual urge, etc some time after taking and then stopping the drug.  it (risperdone) is also known to sometimes grow breasts in males, so be careful.

 

Poetjester

Court committed to take Prozac, Paxci, and Respiradol from 8/95 to 3/96.   developed severe akithisia and brain damage.  Was unable to speak and walking in circles 15 hours a day.  Went in for 5 sessions of ECT during a 10 day period in March of '96 and my forced medication was discontinued at that time.  My akithisia and brain damage cleared up within a few days of stopping the meds.

 

On Zoloft (200 mg) and Zyprexa (17.5 mg) March 1998- Feb 2014

In between was placed on Effexor 200 mg and Abilify for six months in 2004.  Developed mild akithisia which went away once I stopped the Abilify.  Developed severe GI issues in Dec 2001 and from that time on suffered from fatigue and hypersomnia where I would sleep between 12 and 20 hours a day and rarely ever left my apartment. 

 

Had tapered to 100 mg of Zoloft and 7.5 mg of Zyprexa at the time of going cold turkey Feb. 2014

Went 5 days without sleep at the beginning while vomiting all over my apt.  Had brain zaps for a number of weeks and also lightheadedness which both eventually went away.  However 2 1/2 yrs later I still struggle with insomnia, depression, and fatigue.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment

I wish I had known these dangers before I continued to take the medicine as long as I had. I have had mild symptoms of all except the breast growth. I explained these things to my RN and was told that these are normal, and was prescribed benztropine mesylate for the restlessness.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

The restlessness can be extremely terrible.  I was given benedryl for my brain damage and restlessness.  It was a joke.  I don't know if benztropine mesylate would be any better.  I understand your problems with indeciveness all too well.  There are moments when I get depressed which leads to low self esteem and then the inability to make a choice at times, because I think I am doing something wrong.  This pertains to all choices, food, clothes to wear, just anything.    I had problems stopping Zoloft and zyprexa, because they can be addictive in the sense that when I would stop taking them, I would become nauseous and be unable to sleep.  Many times, I tried to get off of them and would stare at the pills in my hand hoping for the strength to get off the pills and knowing how difficult it would be (4-5 days straight without sleep while constantly vomiting) and would give in and take the pills again.  I finally quit them in feb 2014 and feel better only now I cannot sleep.

 

I am glad you are out of the psych ward anyways, those places always leave me with the worst memories. 

Court committed to take Prozac, Paxci, and Respiradol from 8/95 to 3/96.   developed severe akithisia and brain damage.  Was unable to speak and walking in circles 15 hours a day.  Went in for 5 sessions of ECT during a 10 day period in March of '96 and my forced medication was discontinued at that time.  My akithisia and brain damage cleared up within a few days of stopping the meds.

 

On Zoloft (200 mg) and Zyprexa (17.5 mg) March 1998- Feb 2014

In between was placed on Effexor 200 mg and Abilify for six months in 2004.  Developed mild akithisia which went away once I stopped the Abilify.  Developed severe GI issues in Dec 2001 and from that time on suffered from fatigue and hypersomnia where I would sleep between 12 and 20 hours a day and rarely ever left my apartment. 

 

Had tapered to 100 mg of Zoloft and 7.5 mg of Zyprexa at the time of going cold turkey Feb. 2014

Went 5 days without sleep at the beginning while vomiting all over my apt.  Had brain zaps for a number of weeks and also lightheadedness which both eventually went away.  However 2 1/2 yrs later I still struggle with insomnia, depression, and fatigue.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment

I still don't understand why I was prescribed risperidone in the first place. Can someone tell me exactly how risperidone works, google was not my friend on this one. I think the doc said it was a dopamine blocker.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Zodd -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)
 
Thank you for taking the time to write such a complete account of what brought you here.
 
Two requests about your signature:

  • Would you put the month and year that you started risperidone in place of the phrase "for 3 months"?
  • Would you add benztropine mesylate, the dose and the approximate date you started taking it?

As best as I can tell you were prescribed risperidone because the psychiatrist and the staff interpreted your symptoms as psychosis. It was probably the paranoia you describe that was the determining factor.
 
Nobody really knows how these medications work. In fact, at the link below in the section "Mechanism of Action" it says

The mechanism of action of Risperidone, in schizophrenia, is unknown. However, it has been proposed that the drug's therapeutic activity in schizophrenia could be mediated through a combination of dopamine Type 2 (D2) and serotonin Type 2 (5HT2) receptor antagonism.


You can read the full information for prescribers (doctors) in the U.S.A. at this link:
Risperidone
note: it's a long read, lots of scientific language, and lists many possible scary adverse "side" effects
 
Here's our topic on safely discontinuing risperidone:
Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone)  
 
I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.  Please ask questions about your situation here in this topic. Let us know how you're doing.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

As the days go on, the only emotion I seem to feel is white hot anger at my family for not listening when I try to tell them the medicine isn't working. It didn't stop the paranoia or my recovering more memories, which I'm now not certain weren't instigated by this medication. Everyone just told me I needed to give it more time. I really don't want to be this person who only things of how he was mistreated.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

Yesterday i felt a little better, I did a tutorial for video game making at my computer for hours. Only problem seemed to be my inability to sit still for five minutes. Today was worse. The only thing going through my brain was how I kept trying to tell people i needed different help than I was getting and being ignored. My favorite line today is how i'm an adult doing what the doctor said, and I shouldn't be blaming others for that choice.

 

Which is true. I just wish it hadn't taken me getting this bad on the medication for my ego to accept responsibility for itself. I asked where was this pep talk back when I didn't want to take pills in the first place. When they used my mothers cancer to keep brow beating me into submission. Irony is by doing so they helped develop the behavior they had been trying to avoid in the first place.

 

It doesn't help to know that this is all my fault by giving in in the first place. I keep getting these moments of hopefulness about my future and how i'm going to get better and do these things i want to do; then i remember I may never recover myself. Or that It may take years of my life to do so. Every moment currently is a struggle.

 

Acceptance is a b****.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

Zodd,

 

Hang in there and try to taper off the risperidone. Thats what i am currently doing slowly. It will be two years of being on it in January. I wasn't told about the side effects, and problems it can cause before taking it.

 

I was originally told i was paranoid and they prescribed me 1 mg. The next thing i know i am being told i am bipolar and need 3mg. Turns out i just had a case of psychosis, which is under control, and i dont need risperidone anymore. Thats why i am tapering off it.

Been taking paroxetine 20 mg for 20+ years for depression. Taking 300 mg of wellbutrin since October 2015 for adhd and depression. Take fish oil, calcium, and a multivitamin. Started taking risperidone late January 2015 3mg for a misdiagnoses of bipolar. Started tapering risperidone late July 2016. As of late September tapered down to 2mg at 5% a week off current dose. Oct 21/2016 1.58 mg Nov 21/2016 1.26mg No withdrawals so far.

 

Link to comment

Thanks for the kind words. Sorry to hear I'm not the only one this has happened to.

 

I think I began tapering too fast. I've always been extremely sensitive to medications. I'm unsure how long i wasn't taking it for before starting up again a little over a month ago. I'm terrible at setting routines.

 

About a week ago i reduced to half my dosage. Not sure if I'm healing from whats been done or doing more damage to myself by tapering like this. The periods I feel out of control seem longer without any periods where i feel normal. My brain seems like its working harder, like i'm overheating or something. And I've started having this odd flayed feeling, like my spine is becoming old rope. Could be its' stress or I'm literally feeling the damaging of my nerves.

 

Has anyone experience with this? Feel like I'm fumbling in the dark here.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

I feel like I'm recovering from the worst hangover in the world. Like I've been drunk for the last three months doing stupid things.

 

I'm so irritable and the feeling of betrayal won't leave me.  I'm noticing lots of little ways my thinking has changed over the the course of months to now that I didn't notice before. Things that when I write them down seem trivial but are super important to me. Which seems to be the general fair of the thought change. I loose interest in things that used to keep me entertained all day.

 

Physically, I have a headache all day long that makes it hard to focus. I really don't know if i should go back up to the full dose and start again slower or wait and continue taking this dose.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

I feel like I'm recovering from the worst hangover in the world. Like I've been drunk for the last three months doing stupid things.

 

I'm so irritable and the feeling of betrayal won't leave me.  I'm noticing lots of little ways my thinking has changed over the the course of months to now that I didn't notice before. Things that when I write them down seem trivial but are super important to me. Which seems to be the general fair of the thought change. I loose interest in things that used to keep me entertained all day.

 

Physically, I have a headache all day long that makes it hard to focus. I really don't know if i should go back up to the full dose and start again slower or wait and continue taking this dose.

 

 

Hi Zodd-

 

I'm going to wait for the senior members/moderators to weigh in on the dosage piece . However , I must say that quitting antipsychotics like Risperdone is more miserable/difficult than quiting benzodiazepines or opiates . The only upside is that the risk of death is infinitesimally small compared to cold turkeying other drugs .  Everything that's happening-as bizzare as it may feel- is quite a typical reaction from quitting antipsychotics . 

 

Hang in there . 

 

-Dale 

My Withdrawal History:

 

Zyprexa 2.5 to 10 mg -July 2014 to December 2015 - Stopped January 2016 .

 

Benzodiazepines (Xanax 1mg, Klonopin 2mg, Restoril 30mg, Halcion 0.5mg):

As needed from Summer 2013 to July 2014 . Used nightly from January 2016 to March 1, 2016. XYREM 9.0g - used last nightly only last two weeks of February

 

Lexapro 5mg from Summer 2016 to January 2016 . Stopped January 2016 . Then caved into the WD insomnia and was on and off Klonopin 2/4mg and Zyprexa 10mg until I built tolerance and cold turkeyed in August 2017.

 

Officially Medication Free Since August 1, 2017 . 

 

Never Suffer Needlessly - it ages you  .  Make the most of what you have been dealt . Be kind to yourself and peacefully reach your goals .

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Zodd, the symptoms are likely the result of the 50% dose reduction you made last week in late October.
 
The simplest and least risky thing to do is to ride things out until the symptoms settle down if you can tolerate the symptoms.  By tolerate, I mean able to function in your life at a level acceptable -- not ideal, acceptable -- to you. It is likely that your CNS (central nervous system) will stabilize, however no one can give you a decent answer as to how long it will take for your symptoms to diminish or disappear.
 
Another option, a bit more risky, is to updose to an amount less than your previous dose of 2 mg/day.  Your CNS has started making changes to adapt to the lower levels of risperidone and going back to 2 mg *may* be destabilizing.  You could try 1.5 mg twice daily or 1.75 mg.
 
1.5 mg = 1 mg tablet + ½ of a 1 mg tablet
1.75 mg = 1 mg tablet + ½ of a 1 mg tablet + ¼  of a 1 mg tablet.
 
The best way to get partial doses from a tablet is to use a pill cutter or to make a liquid and draw the dose with a syringe:
Using a pill cutter
Making a liquid from a tablet or capsules
Using an oral syringe and other tapering techniques

 

If you're thinking about updosing, have a look at those topics and post your questions back here in your introduction.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I've been continuing with the half dosage for the last two weeks. Been supplementing with fish oil and vitamin e. Lots of walnuts.

 

The anger and resentment has gone from being all consuming to a frustration that gets in the way of other thoughts. The emotional outbursts are becoming less, unless someone/thing surprises me in an emotional way. I reacted recently in a way I've never reacted to anything before: hyper rage. At my computer of all things. Atypical reaction for me, left me feeling again that I don't recognize this person that I am anymore. I sometimes seriously consider I may have brain damage.

 

But I am feeling a little more myself. I can focus on the things I want for a period of time without too much interference from rogue thoughts causing me to break down. I have interest in things again, though not as much as i did before.

 

I do worry I've hit some kind of plateau in my recovery. The physical side effects don't seem to be restoring. But looking at the forum again proves its only been two weeks. Probably should give myself more time before passing judgement on areas of myself as unrecoverable.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

It's good to read that you are noticing improvement in your symptoms.  The process isn't linear, and all symptoms don't necessarily improve at the same pace. In tapering and withdrawal, we get lots of opportunities to expand capacity to be patient.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

 

But I am feeling a little more myself. I can focus on the things I want for a period of time without too much interference from rogue thoughts causing me to break down. I have interest in things again, though not as much as i did before.

 

 

 

I was on 600 mg. Seroquel which took me two years to completely be off.  It takes a great deal of patience to deal with the "intrusive thoughts".  Over time though, they do get better and eventual disappear. :)   Again with tapering from Celexa, I am dealing with them again, but this time I know they are what I call drug thoughts and not me.  What may help is trying a tecnique called thought stopping.  It gives you a bit of control over your thoughts and easier to cope with the ones left.  

 

https://sites.wff.nasa.gov/healthunit/docs/EAP/Handout_stopthinking%205.pdf

July Medications: Started taking antidepressants in 1981, also benzos off and on; antiphychotics , anti-seizure for years.   Trazodone, Lamotrigine, Klonopin for over 10 years   all at maximum dosages,:Disconcontinued Klonopin in month of February 2011,  discontinued Trazodone and Lamotrigine   in month of March 2011 while in hosptial.  Given Seroquel to "help" go off Klonopin  gradually increased to 600 mg ; doctor took me off 600 mg. Seroquel in two weeks, and switched to Resperidal  because of weight gain on Seroquel, went off Resperidal quickly,   then gradually reinstated  Seroquel to 600 mg. at my request.   Went off Seroquel by myself at 25mg. per month in 2014.     Last medication Seroquel completely off since May 2016. Also went off Morphine at the same time as last 25 mg. of Seroquel in May 2016. Started tapering Celexa 40mg. to 35mg.  on 11 Aug. 2016  ; 16 Oct. Celexa 32.5 mg.; 6 Nov. 2016:  30mg. , 50 mg abt. Feb 26 with occasional 30mg.  , : May 10, 2017 began tapering rapidly because of adverse reaction to Celexa;, 40 mg. Celexa;   May 24, 2017: 35mg Celexa.;  June 8, 2017, 30 mg. Celexa, June 22, 2017 25mg.Celexa,; July 6,2017 20mg. CELEXA, July 20: 15mg.; August 10: Sep 29 2017: 10mg. Celexa + 10mg. Prozac, 5 Oct, 2017:  5mg. Celexa + 10mg. Prozac.; Oct. 14 Celexa 0., Prozac 10mg.Took last Prozac on November 22, 2017, Jan. 31 30mg. Cymbalta........ May Cymbalta 90mg.

 

Supplements Cal/Mag , Potassium, , Multi Vitamin.  digestive aid, antioxidant

Medications presently taking:    Lyrica 150mg. 2x day  , Synthroid 175mcg, Nasonex 2 sprays each nostril, once a day ,     Tylenol  1,000 mg. 2x day., , Restasis eye drops 2x day,  Trazodone 100 mg, Cymbalta 90 mg. Arthrotec 50 mg., Plavix

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Zodd, you may find some ideas to help you with rogue thoughts in this topic:
Change the channel - dealing with cognitive symptoms

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Thanks for the article. Yeah, the activity of cultivating interest in other things when these thoughts happen is something I understand and attempt. It's just disappointing when I know I didn't have any of these problem prior to medication. I'm getting better at it. It's hard to recognize when I'm obsessing over what's happened because it's prevalent. I always seem to come back to 'if I hadn't been medicated, things would be better' or 'I did everything I was supposed to, and am worse for it'. Like that wound in your mouth that would heal if you'd just stop tonguing it. Intellectually, I know it doesn't help me to retread the same ground but that doesn't stop it from happening. It feels like an injustice, so I'm constantly looking for the blame.

 

The hardest part about dealing with the thoughts is my loss of imagination. I don't daydream anymore. I'm a writer by hobby and conjuring up fantastical scenes in my spare time was just a fundamental part of my daily life. My staring off into space usually resulted in scenes with real texture, effortlessly. It's not something I ever really thought about. Now I can't even conjure an image of smoke without a great deal of concentration. Its like it hurts to dream. Like I'm using the wrong side of my brain. The idea of going the rest of my life without my daydreams scares the piss out of me. Makes me feel less than human.

 

I'm trying to be hopeful. I'm trying to be upbeat. The future seems like **** from where I stand currently. Wading through it to find a lotus seems a small consolation. So hopefully I can change the channel of this horror story and find something better. I don't want to be that guy who's defined by the bad thing that happened to him.

 

The only thing I seem to daydream about anymore is confronting my family about how I feel. This feeling is so at odds with my nature, I can only call it torture. I want to daydream about martial arts, distant lands or magic again.

 

This too shall pass.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

I regret having started taking this medication again. I don't know why I felt the need have to prove that the medication hasn't done anything but destabilize me. I feel now that if I had just stayed off it I would be much farther ahead in my recovery and wouldn't be suffering these new side effects that have recently developed. I've put on over ten pounds in less than a month. I'm noticing a lack of sensitivity in my hands and a tendency to drop things. My ability to focus is not improving. And I've no sexual urge either due to the stress of all these things or its another symptom.

 

I hate that I ever gave control of myself over to my family; a group of people with breathtaking control issues. People who have proven issues that I never understood or had.

 

I understand why I did it, now. At the time I was extremely confused and frightened by what was happening. Recovered memories, threats of violence if i ever remembered. It lead me to be immensely unable to make decisions for myself. I thought my family had all the answers and they convinced me in my confusion that I needed to seek medical help. Despite my best efforts I eventually caved because i knew something was wrong. I was never given a chance to act crazy before taking meds. So how could anyone know what the hell was wrong with me.

 

I have a birthday coming up. And Thanksgiving. I don't want to sit around a table with the people who convinced me to butcher my brain. Who never gave me a chance.

 

The part of me who remembers how I used to feel about things knows how terrible that is. Now, it's like there's no 'emotional breathing room' in my head anymore. This new me just wants to scream and cry all the time.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

Zodd

 

I know how you feel. Ive been stuck on risperidone for nearly two years now, but i have noticed some improvements in side effects at a lower dosage.

 

Just feel lucky that is the only drug you have to discontinue. I have three i plan to get off, so i have a ways to go.

 

Hope you feel better soon

Been taking paroxetine 20 mg for 20+ years for depression. Taking 300 mg of wellbutrin since October 2015 for adhd and depression. Take fish oil, calcium, and a multivitamin. Started taking risperidone late January 2015 3mg for a misdiagnoses of bipolar. Started tapering risperidone late July 2016. As of late September tapered down to 2mg at 5% a week off current dose. Oct 21/2016 1.58 mg Nov 21/2016 1.26mg No withdrawals so far.

 

Link to comment

jmncrr

 

Sorry to hear that. I can't fathom what that must be like and hope for a smooth recovery for you. I do feel that things could be alot worse for me.
 

I've just read through your tapering topic and am impressed with your forethought. I wish I'd read through it before I started my taper, you bring up alot of issues that were only half formed in my head. The cognitive impairment at work, imo. I'm still unsure if I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms or the affects/changes the drug has caused in my brain during my treatment. Who knows what lights risperidone shut off in it's wake.

 

There is no warning system anymore, no rise in breath or heart rate or blood-pressure, when I'm about to cry. Just bam! you're crying. It's completely neurological now. For someone who could only cry on cue, this sucks. Does this sound like anything you've experienced?  Really hoping the obsession and anger are part of the wd and will fade. They're taking up primary residence in my processes, and I no longer have the RAM to deal with all of it at once.

 

It's exactly like someone switched out my 32gb ram for less. I can still barely function, just not nearly as effectively as before. Wishing I had a task manager and could just close that one process. Need all the cognitive function I can get.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

I want so badly to encourage you.  I see a strong young man fighting this battle courageously.  Keep posting and sharing.  

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD = NOW only on TRILEPTAL 450mg began w/900mg 7/16 -- off LITHIUM 600mg (sometimes 300mg 5/15 -11/16 took 2 months to taper) .... XANAX 2 mg for 2 weeks but addicted in 6/16 tapered 7/16-9/16 JUMPED 9/30 (believe have kindling from previous benzos)
6 meds nightly for INSOMNIA includes XANAX .. BELSOMRA 20mg c/t 8/20/16 off & on for a yr ZANAFLEX 8 mg /SILENOR 6mg/PROZASIN 15 mg/DOXEPIN 50 mg on all nightly 2 months 6/16 - 7/16 except for silenor (year) wd ALL 8/16-9/16 w/pdoc help
c/t KLONOPIN .5mg which began INSOMNIA end of 3/15 after on for 4 months also horrible sound& light sensitivity sometimes took 2 or 3 reinstated & then c/t@hospital 5/15 on TEMPAZEPAM/SEROQUEL/LITHIUM when left hospital tolerance to temazepam after 1 month given ATIVAN in hospital& later
SEROQUEL started @ 200 mg and overnight to 800 mg had horrible akathasisia & rash DEPAKOTE 1000 mg off after few wks ALL I COULD ENDURE
then AMBIEN side effects & tolerance on for few months 5/15 - 8/15 and then again 2 mos 5/16 LATUDA 3/16 on days BAD/GEODON 4/16 on less 2 weeks BAD AKATHASIA/ZYPREXA bad mouth shaking almost 24/7 off & on few months in 2015 & again in 2016
trazodon/remeron/gabapentin/sonata/lunesta did nothing to help INSOMNIA so got off after few days - also short time SAPHRIS BAD 
MEDICATION SENSITIVE & have paradoxical side effects -- CANNOT TAKE BENZOS, ATYPICAL-ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
PAST prior to 2 yrs on Prozac even1/4 pill caused BAD ANXIETY, CELEXA OK, Abilify, Pristiq, Lamictal, Paxil BAD - more but can't remember
Link to comment

Thank you very much yyeehhaaww, I really appreciate it. And thank you to everyone else who has given me advice on this forum. Reading back feels alot like Debbie Downer. jmncrr, scallywag, genlady, DaleGarrison,and PoetJester, thanks and keep it coming. I look forward to any advice you can give.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Sometimes feelings can be a result of the drugs or of tapering:
Neuro-emotions

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

The neuro-emotions seem to be stronger but less... physical, if that makes sense. When I'm having a real emotional moment, my brain just doesn't seem to function properly anymore. I don't seem to have the deep reasoning or reflection that I did before medication. Like trying to get water from a well, but its not as deep as it once was, so you just keep hitting dirt. It's frustrating, because it seems so shallow now. I feel like the first 27 years of my life, everything I've worked hard for, have been stolen away from me, blotted out. I think I prided myself on my ability to think through emotions. I no longer feel like I'm elevated or under medication, my head space is feeling closer to what it was before. Except so much smaller, so much has changed. It's all just wrong.

 

I really don't feel I'm ever going to forgive my family using my drugged state of mind to keep me medicated.

 

I've read Rhi's description of the neurobiology of withdrawal syndrome. I'm assuming that "genes being switched on and off" is partially the reason I started putting on the poundage. I don't think its possible but thought it could also be the source of my newfound lack of mental stamina. I wish there was some simple explanation like that. Hoping by lessening the medication my metabolism might bolster again. Maybe give me the focus I'm looking for.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

Today, I didn't have an outburst. I didn't spontaneous start crying because I remembered what's happened. It wasn't a particularly great or happy day, but I made it through. I still had moments of regret and angst, but I made it through. I took a shower. I did some shopping. Maybe I can make a trend of this. Maybe now I'll have something to be thankful for.

 

Oh, and it was my birthday.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

Zodd.  It sounds like you are seeing some improvements and that is a positive sign. Symptoms during withdrawal tend to increase and decrease in a wavelike pattern , that we refer to as Windows and Waves.

 

Eventually , the windows which are the more symptom free times usually become longer in duration and more frequent whilst the waves tend to become less intense over time.

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

As you've been experiencing some neuro- emotions also, it would help you to become familiar with this topic. It has many useful coping strategies.

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Happy Birthday ! 

 

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

At what point in my taper do I stop. Do I taper by a percentage until I reach zero? I'm now taking under 1mg dose. But I've noticed a new physical symptom (or maybe it's been here all along and I just didn't find out) and I need to be off this **** before its permanent, if it isn't already. It seems the less medication I take, more i notice things have physically gone wrong. The medication blocks me from listening to my body.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Zodd, that is a very good question. Some people continue with 10% tapers until they reach a dose that is less than 0.1 mg. As always, your symptoms are the best guide.

 

Here's a discussion topic that may be helpful: When to end taper or jump to zero?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Will the brain recover to the same degree on a fast taper vs a slow taper if given enough time? I'm certain I destabilized my brain during my brief period cold turkeying the drug due to going from a 2mg dose to zero. My reinitiating full doses to alive the severe mood fluctuation and impaired thinking only lasted long enough for me to get my head on slightly more straight, not long enough for full engagement back to myself. The emotional swing is more subtle now, but happening as frequently. I'm unsure if my brain has had enough time at full dose to bring me back to my full potential. Recently I developed a physical reaction that I hope is neurological in nature, due to the risperidone. My major concern is that I won't be done tapering before this physical symptom becomes permanent. I think I've been steadily progressing in an upward trend with my tapering so far, mentally speaking at least, and finally feel that progress is being made. Then this physical thing rears its head and I worry. If I jump off soon, it may disappear, but I'll loose all the improvement I've made. What if it's not pharmaceutical? What if it's already permanent?

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

As the dose decreases, the load on the metabolic processes decrease, so any symptoms that result from toxicity reduce.

 

Fast tapers have a higher risk of longer and more severe withdrawal compared to slow tapers. These drugs force us to make some very difficult decisions.

 

If you're comfortable posting that physical symptom, please do so.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I'm realizing I am never going to get back the talent or drive for life's things that once absorbed me. I try to draw but there's no inspiration, no creativity. My imagination has dried up. I play games just to kill time and maybe I'll find some interest within, just to feel some adrenaline. When I'm not this boring self, the times I do feel emotion, I can't just experience it. I have to analyze it, be sure it not just a chemical imbalance in my head due to the medication playing games with me. The further I come off this drug - the more I feel like my old internal voice - the more I realize how I am forever changed from what I was before.The more functional I feel, the further the gap seems to be from all the things I took for granted about myself.

 

Every time I visit this site I want to have some story of good progression. I want to be that one that says "Yes, I'm all better now." And I realize there's no defeating the despair, you can only walk through it, but something has got to give. There has to be a turning point. There has to be more than just being functional again. I want to be me again. I feel so one dimensional.

 

I wish my psych had been upfront about the dangers of this medication, especially on just stopping. I feel that so much of the irreparable damage was done during the time I just stopped taking it. I brought up the fact that i wanted to quit or at the least change medication at several different meetings. It wasn't alleviating any of the issues I was having. But any time I mentioned it, rather than tell me the risks, she'd threaten to up my dose as a means of keeping compliant. The same way my siblings used my guilt over how my 'memories' would affect my sick mother to keep me medicated. I now have this dysfunction where a single bad thought has a probability of causing me to switch into this neurosis like crying fit, completely separated from whatever state my emotions are at the time. It feels completely physical. I definitely didn't have this before the cold turkey phase.

 

I'm not a hopeless person. Before this, I had a personal mantra. Eternal optimism. That was all it would take for me to carry on. Now I feel as if this constantly looking on the bright side is keeping me from accepting the grim reality of my situation. That I'm only going to amount to this much of a person and accepting that fact is key to moving forward with my life.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

I forgot to mention my psych told me straight out that risperidone is not addictive when I brought up the symptoms I was having. And that splitting up my dose over the day would help with the sexual side affects.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Medical professionals use a very precise definition of addiction and withdrawal. Using that definition, risperidone is not addictive and people don't experience withdrawal.  That definition of addiction usually includes drug seeking behaviour. Most of us coming off psych drugs, including risperidone, want OFF them as soon as possible. Many resist the idea of reinstating and some go as far as to refer to their former medication as "poison." This is the exact opposite of addictive behaviour.

 

People do however experience symptoms over significant periods of time when discontinuing regardless of the name anyone wants to give it.

 

I'm sorry you've had so little support from your family and your doctor. It says great things about your strength that you're making your way through this, withdrawal symptoms and all.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Thanks scallywag. I didn't realize physical dependency could be a subjective term.

 

I've just decreased down to .62g. I'm planning on decreasing my hold time to about three weeks this round.

 

Is it common to see more side affects when you get to lower doses? My leaky eye syndrome happens less frequently (but with equally less effort on the part of my brain) however, insomnia has crept up, along with an increasingly dower mood. The personality changes and emotional reactivity really get me down. Where before I would react to problems with patients and creativity, now I just shut down or worse, react with anger in frustration.

 

Mostly I'm just frustrated with feeling like this. I know there's no other external reason besides the medication, but really, it's just annoying. Unproductive, constantly retreading the same ground in my head. I feel like I'm doing the same thing in this thread. I need to write more positively.

 

I'm not like this all the time. Most of the time I can distract myself or work haltingly through it. The frequency and severity of my hopeless moments seem to decrees when I have something to do.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

I need to stop looking up things regarding my diagnosis, wish I'd done them months ago. Everything I learn about the proper treatment of my diagnosis flies in the face of the way I was actually treated. If my current medication proscriber had listened to me about the treatment plan my initial proscriber/diagnosie had intended for me, I wouldn't be in this mess. Instead she insisted I continue taking what I didn't know then were chemically altering medications.

 

Sorry if I come across as whiny. No one in my life wanted to listen to me when I told them things were going wrong with my head while on this medication. They got to use the simple and maddening excuse that 'he's crazy' so he doesn't know what he's talking about. Like it automatically invalidated my opinion. I even bought it myself at first, untill I got so bad I couldn't even keep track of the days of the week, all while medicated. I became such a cognitively impaired zombie. I'm ashamed I let myself be tricked so completely. Ashamed that I let my loved ones make me doubt myself, and that they made me think I had to choose between my own well being and my mothers. There never should have been any conflict.

 

I trusted them, so I completely gave up myself to their will, surrendered to their 'better judgement'. A mistake I'm afraid I'll be living with the rest of my life. My road to hell was paved with their good intentions. Don't ever give up your decisions to others, even if you can't make up your own mind. It's not better to starve than let others spoon-feed you the poisoned dish, but at least then the choice was your own.

Risperidone 2mg twice daily from June 2016 Oct/November: 1mg; December: .75mg Jan. .5 Feb: OFF

Benztropine Mesylate 0.5mg twice daily August 2016 - stopped.

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy