Tired of weaning

[Crocus]

I am struggling a bit today. I did not sleep well and in the early a.m. had the feeling of being plugged in to an electrical socket - for lack of a better way to describe. I took my first supplements and it went away but sometimes I have to say I just get tired....tired of the long haul that weaning is for me and all of the necessary things I must do to minimize it.

 

In addition, my hands became numb at night. This has been true about my feet since March, but they are worsening and I just do not need another symptom from this drug!

 

I do get down at times, not as in "DSM" label down, just real tired of how much effort, cost, thought and time it takes to deal with this.

 

I never set out to study nutrition, but have found myself knowing more about it than I ever wanted to. I do yoga, exercise, I make sure to get in the sun every day it is out and have to remember to keep stock of the supplements I take. I journal, I read every book I can find about psych meds, litigation, everything that might pertain to what I am dealing with.

 

I still feel that even people who sympathize and see psychotropic drugs as harmful do not "get" a lot of what we are really dealing with. To me, calling this addiction minimizes it. I have experience in working with addiction and this is really much more insidious. I hear a colleague saying how great a facility is because they "make people stop smoking" before they enter treatment and all I can think is "hell, I might start smoking if it helps lessen the physical withdrawal of Effexor!" Of course, smoking does not help, but what is important is getting of the most harmful of drugs. Does heroin take several years to get off? Should it? Do we really dare to call people "clean" as if they'd been dirty somehow?

 

I just think that people need to look to those who are getting this done rather than hope they can find a "test result" to hide behind or questionable statistic to use as a shield so they still feel comfortable in their "profession". I am not comfortable. No one in the psychiatric profession should be feeling comfortable now that this is known about! No one in the pharmaceutical trade should feel comfortable knowing where their income comes from! You too are human people, and this harm? well, it harms you too.

 

Then there are those who say "It saved my life." I would not deny you anything you thought saved your life, but know that it has nearly ruined mine and also you might think of a plan should the meds stop working for you. I also felt that meds helped back when I first took them, but think of the strength in a chemical that would change how you feel about life! Why would anyone wonder that it has such an ugly and well hidden down-side?

 

I have worked at what I hope is one of the worst mental hospitals in the United States....I saw people who were labeled schizophrenic be given a myriad of drugs and then just become docile like cattle. I had to see this up close and personal. These are people who had been through the same hospitals over and over and our job was to release them as quickly as possible - in fact we were supposed to have a discharge plan in place at the time of intake! Sometimes, people were given a bus ticket one-way out of state so that they would not decompensate and come back, and quite often we got people who had just arrived in the state on the bus....coincidence? I don't think so.

 

It gets old. I guess I just needed to vent. I hope this does not offend, but, I am tired of taking something so bad....continuing to pay a co-pay for poison and continuing to see people being hurt. I feel spent.

 

I may get down but I will not give in, give out nor give up on myself, my health and that of other people. I think I need a a break though. Perhaps a trashy novel or a drive someplace slow paced.

[Shanti]

Hi Crocus. I know what you mean when you say that people can't possibly understand just how awful this is. No words can get it across. It's just indescribable. About 20 years ago in my wild days, I got addicted to Meth and Cocaine and ended up in a rehab for 3 months. I can say this; my Paxil withdrawals are WORSE than that. This is a cruel, brutal attack to spirit. I pray they stop prescribing it to people.

[alexjuice]

Hey Crocus,

 

Great post. I think you make a ton of terrific points. I too have had a lot of experience with mental health (though from the patient side only) and with addiction. I don't think alcoholism and withdrawal from psychiatric medication are an easy comparison because alcoholics have an organic condition. That said, I couldn't agree more with you (and Shanti) that there is no comparison between getting off illegal drugs and getting off psychiatric Drugs.

 

It is hugely, massively easier to get off cocaine, say, or alcohol and return to good health than it is to get off Effexor or any number of psychiatric medications. Of course, this is on average. But, on average, I repeat it's not even a competition. Barring co-existing health issues, new admits are functionally healthy within a week of admission to an in patient drug rehab regardless of their drug of abuse (with the rare exception of pure benzo addicts).

 

I know of what I speak.

 

And you're right, others can not understand what it's like to go through the process. Even sympathetic people, supportive and all that, will not be able to understand what it is like anymore than a man can be told what it feels like to be a woman and viceversa. It's a hellish experience with depths too deep for words.

 

Great post! Keep hanging in...

 

Alex

[Dani]

 

It is hugely, massively easier to get off cocaine, say, or alcohol and return to good health than it is to get off Effexor or any number of psychiatric medications. Of course, this is on average. But, on average, I repeat it's not even a competition. Barring co-existing health issues, new admits are functionally healthy within a week of admission to an in patient drug rehab regardless of their drug of abuse (with the rare exception of pure benzo addicts).

 

I know of what I speak.

 

 

 

 

Isn't this a shame...

 

I'm trying to keep my head up...it's hard though

[Barbarannamated]

Crocus,

Beautifully said. I agree, there is no way to explain it. I DC'd opiates after several years. It was a breeze in comparison. There is an odd sort of respect and compassion for people detoxing from illegal drugs. As if they've made some wonderful decision to change their lot in life. Reveal to someone that you're having probs DCing an AD and, even among nonmedical people, the response is skeptical...'maybe you need it'. I can't think of another drug with this nightmare.

 

@Shanti....I've seen no movement to control use or prescribing which further invalidates our position. W pain meds and benzos, there is awareness that risk is involved. Now they are turning to ADs totreat pain! The use is expanding

-- zjust look at Cymbalta.

[Crocus]

shanti, alex, barbara and dani -

 

Thank you so much for your responses and support. It is funny, I was feeling quite awkward for putting out such a random bunch of thoughts that came from pure frustration, but I feel understood now and I cannot thank you enough for that.

 

Yes, they are doing so much "off label" prescribing with these drugs - especially those who have chronic pain (like they need this problem?) and that makes me really sad.

 

I do know that this issue is slowly bubbling to the surface, but it is very slow. I sent something to all of my friends and colleagues telling them I am going to work with an activist and doctor locally and I got - ONE reply back from a friend I went to grad school with. I do not think anyone else understood or....who knows really.

 

Well, we are here and are "blazing a new frontier" everyday. I am so grateful for each one of you. Crocus

[Barbarannamated]

Crocus,

It is so oddly isolating, but I also have no support system. There are times when I wonder where I would go if I needed immediate help.

Barb

[Crocus]

Barbara;

 

Yes I can relate. I certainly would not want to head for an ER full of doctors, but then what are the other choices? That is one of many reasons I am glad this forum is here. At least I can talk with someone like you who understands that we are essentially on a island where AD weaning is concerned.

 

Geez, when I get into "catastrophizing" I even worry about getting ill or hurt and having to deal with a hospital! Would I have my husband "sneak" my contraban beads and supplements to me? Ha! Luckily I have such a dramatic flair for worry I make myself laugh in hearing the things that I come up with.

 

Humor is still the best medicine for my money

[btdt]

What happened to Crocus does anyone know I tried to send her a pm and was told she could not use the messaging system. ? I would like an update on her.

[btdt]

In case she looks in some day:  

My pm to Crocus.

I tried to send her a message today and was told she can't use messenger... what happened to her? 

if you can send her a message this is what I want to know...
please forward if you can.
I know you have not been here in years but I cannot resists asking your a couple of questions. 
I did a ct from Effexor in 2007... and have ongoing crap of course I can't say what if anything is because of E..or ct. 

I would love it if you would update your thread as to how you are doing now... I hope you are well but if your not... I still want to know. 

There is no history in your thread so I don't know what Ads you took before ect.. hard for me to compare myself to you... I was on some others before E ... would like to compare. 

How you are doing now may give me some insight into long term problems quitting E I think there are some. I think I have them. 

I hope your out there conquering the world and doing well... I so hope you are. 

The idea of starting a support group for people stopping Ads has been on my mind for years... how is that going? Any advice? I keep putting it off for a couple or reasons I don't know how to start... I am never well enough long enough and I am a bit scared of the Establishment backlash as unlike you I have not education to back me up. 

I wish you peace and I hope you get back to me...
B