WhySSRI

WhySSRI: Relearning my body and mind

96 posts in this topic

Flashbacks have completely gone.  No more travel down memory lane.

Dp/dr and brain fog has improved.

PSSD has improved.  It's alive!!!    :D

Share this post


Link to post

Hi just checking in to see how you are doing ? How is your tinitus ?

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Blondiee,

 

Thanks for checking up on me.  Its just been micro level improvements here and there nothing major to report.  I can add hot sweats and cold chills to my list of symptoms now.   :mellow:

 

My tinnitus is going strong.  Haven't seen any improvements on any of my head symptoms.

 

How are you doing Blondiee?

 

Lately I find myself obsessed with this one song. 

Share this post


Link to post

Hi!

Hot and cold sweats must be fun, sorry you have to add them to the list of symptoms . Small micro level improvements are still good though . I also have tinitus still. When it is quite and before bed it gets super annoying, my strategy to deal with it to tel myself this is who I am not and not fight and just accept it . But it is definitely frustrating.

I am doing okay. My biggest symptoms are dizziness and fatigue, some anxiety . But manageable overall.

I have to check out that video. I also started listening to some music. I know when I feel slightly better when I out some music on (light rock and just regular radio pop music )

Share this post


Link to post

Strange falling sinking sensation is completely gone.

PSSD is completely gone.

 

Healing is happening after all.

Share this post


Link to post

Blondiee,

 

Tinnitus is really no fun.  T is the one symptom so far that hasn't shown any improvements what so ever.  Actually it got worst.   :( Hang in there.  

 

At the beginning of withdrawal, I couldn't stand music at all.  The lyrics drove me insane.  But now I'm actually enjoying music again.  It definitely lifts my mood up.

Share this post


Link to post

Hey! Just wondering if you've ever tried inositol (powder form) or magnesium (try the slow-release stuff by Jigsaw) for tinnitus? I had very bad tinnitus in benzo withdrawal and both of those supps helped me a lot. It's pretty much gone now.

Share this post


Link to post

Hi WHY,

 

I read your entire thread just now. I want to let you know you are an aspiration going through the most difficult part of the WD from CT, and still remain calm, dignity and even human in between your lines.

 

I felt your pain reading through your early posts and so happy to read your recent updates with good improvement! You are so deserve them all and with your patience the T will shake its foundation and clapse.

 

Hugs to you for being so strong!

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

Oh, bad typo, I meant humor not human.

 

Also, you wrote so well I actually enjoyed your writing.

 

Best wishes,

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

time2wakeup,

 

I never really had any luck with supplements at all.  It's best I stay away from them.

 

LexAnger,

 

Thank you for stopping by my thread.  Your words of encouragement means a lot.  I try to stay strong in this thick withdrawal muck.  The days that I come here to post are usually a tiny bit better than most days.

Share this post


Link to post

Hi WAY,

 

Hoe you are having a fair day!

how was your work ( if you were working before CT) impacted? Were you able to take care of yourself for basic routines?

 

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

Lex,

 

I'm still severely disabled unable to work.  You're so strong to be working through all this withdrawal muck. 

Share this post


Link to post

Hey WhySSRI,

 

Just read through your thread and I also have CT'd. I'm right behind you at a little over 5 months now. Are you experiencing any windows at all where you are symptom free? Or is it more of a constant up and down everyday? 

 

What are your main sxs now?

Share this post


Link to post

My bodily sensations like bowel movements, hunger, breathing, etc have slowly returned but they do feel strange.  I do feel them but they are still not the same sensation as before.  Waking up in the morning with wood was a long lost forgotten sensation buried in the past.  I am happy that it has returned but I find the entire sensation totally weird uncomfortable and disturbing.  Waking up in this thick withdrawal muck with wood in the morning :blink:, someone up there must have a weird sense of humor.  None of the bodily sensations that have returned feel the same as before.  I guess my nerves do need more healing.

 

Now I've been getting these micro moments where my tinnitus goes away for a few seconds.  And when this happens thats when I get hit with massive dp/dr and I absolutely dread it.  Strange that I find these two related for some reason.

 

My walking has gotten slightly better these days.  Healing is happening it just takes a lot of time!!!!

Share this post


Link to post

Anongrl,

 

Thanks for stopping by my thread.  I don't seem to follow the window/wave pattern of withdrawal.  I was hit with massive withdrawal the next day I stopped my meds and haven't seen a single window as of yet.  It has been a constant daily up and down for me.

 

My current sxs still are many.  

 

Massive anhedonia.  

Raging tinnitus.  Sometimes I can hear my heat beat.  Ear pain comes and goes.

Sleep is still sporadic ranging between 2-5 hours unable to find a pattern for now.

Entire body feels so heavy.

Slow boat rocking feeling back and forth.

Head is so heavy like a rock.

Massive head pressure. 

Feeling dizzy.

Still have this weird metal taste in my mouth.  

Olfactory hallucinations comes and goes.

There's enormous pressure in my head, eyes, and ears.  Sinus draining happens randomly.

Dp/dr comes and goes.  When I get hit I feel like I'm in a 3D video game.

Restless leg and akathisia comes and goes.

All parts of my body is so numb.

Brain fog cog fog still rampant.

Body temperature fluctuations.

Unable to walk properly.  Coordination issues.

Speech impairment.

Internal body shaking trembling vibrating pulsating feeling. 

 

I'm pretty sure there are more but I'll stop for now. :P  Just surprised at all these physical sxs for a psych drug that I took.  

Congrats on getting off your meds.  How are you managing after your meds?

Share this post


Link to post

Hey WhySSRI,

 

I can definitely relate to a lot of the symptoms you have. Mine are mainly physical too with some mental symptoms (I get songs that loop in my head 24/7...it's truly aggravating and annoying). 

 

I feel like I got worse now that I am a little over 5 months. At the beginning about the first 2-3 months I had the waves/windows pattern, but now I have 0 windows. I feel like I'm in a continuous wave that never ends and lets up every once in awhile for brief periods. 

 

Some of my symptoms have gone away or are diminishing in intensity but then new symptoms have come and taken over. I believe the body is healing but most times it's hard to maintain that belief. 

Share this post


Link to post

anongrl,

 

Everyone's different in their recovery.  You will recover on your own timeframe.  Stay strong keep updating your progress and also read other people's journey here.  It has been a life saver for me.  

Share this post


Link to post

Lex,

 

I'm still severely disabled unable to work.  You're so strong to be working through all this withdrawal muck.

 

I tried everything in all different ways in the past years giving the work thr highest priority while handling the process. My job situation is quite unique in that I can work from home most days, and I have a highly functional team to manage. To be honest, my performance has been getting lower and lower until recently since the huge drop of dose from 0.8 to 0.06 now in 2 months, I know it's not possible anymore even maintains the minimal functionality at work so I'm taking leave right now.

 

If not for the simplest life style I have for a single person, I don't think I can take care the very basics at home either.

 

I feel speechless that you are having so many symptoms in 8 months out. This is total crime so many innocent lives were damaged by the most ' trustful' medical community. And the amount of suffering is truly un- human!

Share this post


Link to post

Lex,

 

We all try and make the best of our given situations.  I really admire your resilience, strength, and courage in maintaining your career.  From where I'm standing you're a true inspiration.  :)

 

Oh yes, even the most basic simple house chores have become a massive undertaking.  Doesn't matter how long it takes I do the best I can manage.

 

I was on a SSRI long term then later on SNRI for a short term on top of a benzo.  I didn't taper but did a CT instead so it explains my situation.  From what I've read and seen here my sxs are typical for a CT withdrawal.  I'm just glad and thankful that it hasn't morphed into anything more severe at this point thank God.  

Share this post


Link to post

My life was never really easy.  Always had to struggle for everything.  Never really caught a break either.  But then I got so tired of fighting for everything in life.  I dreaded each and every moment of my life.  Waking up each day dragging myself to work and endlessly repeating the same thing next day.  I lost my enthusiasm and a genuine zest in life.  That dread finally turned into anxiety and panic.  Met with doctor after doctor which landed me in this AD mess and a further crippling of my life.  It's very hard making sense of all this.  I just can't.  So here I find myself again.  Living in the present now is way too painful and contemplating for the future is near impossible.  So I find myself living in the past again.  These days I keep doing this over and over again.  Can't help it.  I don't recall a single good moment in my past and yet I am living in the past.  

 

So here I am and I bid farewell to my past.  On with my present moment.  That's all I can do.  

Share this post


Link to post

Oh WHY, I'm sorry you are feeling this way! God, I don't know what to say, I am at the lowest bottom my self too today, feeling totally defeated with several hours heart failure like status, eventually I made a decision to increase dose to save my heart. While in mid it's of the desparate, I often think all the bad things happened to my life that led to my AD misery. Feeling regret about all of those decisions and how my life was failed eventually.

 

I believe these are at least part is the neuro emotion, as I remember when I feel ok, I would not think this way.

It's so hard to be in such deep despair physically and mentally for so long. Only the strongest and bravest ppl can endure and for that we should be proud of. Remember you are not alone and many here feel your pain. I know I won't make it to today if not for the company and support from others going through the same.

 

I hope you feel a bit better. I usually have a turning point round sunset for between evening too.

 

Hugs,

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

Hey Lex,

 

Thank you for your post.  

 

I think it's important for me to see my root cause for landing me in this mess.  Nowadays when I find myself drifting into the past again, I drag myself out of it.  The more I drag myself out of it the easier it gets.  I will not live in the past anymore.  

Share this post


Link to post

That's good to hear, WHY!

Awareness, in all aspects and ways, is what I have been learning again and again during this soul and mind changing process, the most important indeed to make the final healing.

 

Acceptance of the whole trauma took me two years before I could focus only on the healing process.

 

Please be kind to yourself.

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

Hey Lex,

 

How are you these days?  Yes, this healing process is baffling to the mind.  I find it best to let it be and accept it.  Hope you're doing alright.

Share this post


Link to post

Weird metal taste in my mouth is completely gone.  

Olfactory hallucinations completely gone.

 

Nowadays my tinnitus is accompanied with massive head pressure and stabbing ear pain.  The pressure is so bad makes my head feel like its going to explode.  DP/DR is getting frequent with increased intensity.  Getting hit with dp/dr is absolutely horrid.  All kinds of sensory discomfort still plagues me.

 

Still taking things day by day still determined to see through the end.

Share this post


Link to post

Hi WHY,

 

Your streghth is amazing and inspiring to my own battling! DR is a horrible state to be in from own first hand experience too. Those two symptoms being completely gone is very encouraging -- healing is in process no doubt even we don't know how many others need to be gone through. Living one day at a time is what takes even the strongest human being during this process.

 

My day started with a severe ear pain like a knife was poking into my right ear. It then turned into a day with most intolerable needling pain allover head, back of body then to deep bone aches everywhere later afternoon, feeling scared thinking about how many more of these days ahead.

 

Not a day I can sound positive and encouraging, but better days will return. Hope more better days for both of us.

Share this post


Link to post

Walking has gotten a lot easier these days.  Slowly gaining leg strength.   :D

 

Still have the three ness's in withdrawal: numbness, weakness, and heaviness.  Tinnitus, head pressure and constant dp/dr keeps me at bay reminding me that I'm in withdrawal.

 

It was a warm day today.  Was able to go outside for awhile in a long time since this nightmare started.  Couldn't do it for long maybe 5 minutes at a time.  Was sure a long time since I felt sun on my skin.  It was really nice.  Spring is here finally.

 

Scored another day away from meds.  

Share this post


Link to post

LexAnger,

 

One day we will all emerge out from the dark.  I just know it.  Hang in there.  

Share this post


Link to post

So delighted to hear you had a nice day walking outside enjoying the sun and spring! A sign of life I would imagine after the long period of house bound. I'm very happy for you, it's your rewarding time!

 

Thanks for the encouragement and reassuring, very needed for the soul lost in this dark space.

 

Hope to hear more great update from you!

 

BTW, was you able to drive since the WD hit?

 

Hugs,

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

Lex,

 

No I can't drive as of yet.  I simply don't trust myself yet.  I imagine it'll take a long time for me to start driving.  

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks WHY for getting back to me on my question!

 

I hope things improve enough soon so you can drive again, then you can get out even walking is difficult. I can't walk much around due to DR and balance etc, but can still drive, lots times like auto pilot but so far that's how I get out and around.

 

Take care and be kind to yourself!

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

Woke up this morning and noticed that things were a lot more calmer.  Did a quick body scan and realized that my akathisia has gotten a lot better.  Looking at my pattern of recovery so far, my akathisia will get a lot worse and in time it'll leave me completely.  The unrelenting inner torment will finally leave.  I'm still baffled by my symptom recovery pattern.  Some days I just wish I could choose which symptom gets to leave first.  I still wonder how I made it this far and whether it'll all be worth it in the end.  At least I'm seeing signs of improvement and I remain hopeful for a full recovery.  

Share this post


Link to post

Wonderful update, WHY!

Truly happy for you. It's your time!!

 

Hugs,

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

I had a full blown panic attack last night.  I had forgotten how awful these can be.  I have no idea what triggered it.  I was lying in bed trying to sleep and out of no where my tinnitus ramped up really loud and was hit with a full blown panic attack.  The heart palpitation, excess sweating, and shaking uncontrollably.  Truly awful.  I just lay there in bed and let it run its course.  I was shaking uncontrollably for hours.  I spent all day today thinking about last night.  Ever since last night my tinnitus has hit a new high and looks like its staying high.  Felt fatigue all day today.  Just when things are looking good moving in the right direction, something else had to give.  Is all this really worth it?  This just is too much to bear.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm so sorry you had an extremely rough night.  It is crazy making to not know what triggers what in our bodies. 

 

Just wanted to offer my support and empathy for what you are going through.  From reading your thread your healing has been moving forward and that is a good sign despite these unexpected and scary moments.

Share this post


Link to post

Really hate to hear the sudden bump, so heartbreaking especially right after seeing some lights in the dark.

Hope it's good ne forever never come back!

 

Continue staying strong WHY, it will worth the fight someday when looking back all these are just distant nightmare.

 

Lots hugs,

Lex

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now