WhySSRI

WhySSRI: Relearning my body and mind

92 posts in this topic

Hibari, 

 

Thank you for your support.  Means a lot in these testing times.  Hope you're doing well.

 

Lex,

 

Thanks Lex.  Your words means a lot.  How are you managing in your wave?

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My symptoms have morphed again.  Ever since the late night panic attack, I've been struck with constant anxiety.  By reading past threads I knew that my anxiety would return but I wasn't expecting it to be this intense.  This anxiety accompanied by really loud tinnitus is my cross to bear at the moment.  I find myself pacing around my house like a mad person.  Oh Lord please give me the strength to make it out of this.

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How are you WHY?

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Hey Lex,

 

Thanks for checking up on me.  Anxiety is at bay now.  These days my symptoms morph around hour by hour.  My tinnitus has been staying really loud.  No major improvements to report.  Still taking things day by day well I guess hour by hour now.  How are you doing Lex?

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That's a relief WHY that the anxiety calmed down. It sounded pretty tough. The change can be a good sign for healing and improving.  

 

I am going day by day and some days also hour by hour. Many days I think of you when I need to be reminded for needed endurance and patience. I am in the toughest time since got down to 0.06 mg about 2.5 months ago--paralyzed brain and body and severe needling pain, confused head and total hangover feeling.  I somehow visualize myself in the similar situation to yours from cold turkey. Thought about updose but too scared so most probably will continue holding.

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Insatiable hunger is killing me right now.  I've just now realized how much weight I've put on.  I really need to watch how much I eat.  I've been able to put a bit more strength when I walk.  Walking on the treadmill at 1.3 mph speed feels like I'm going to pass out.  But no matter how hard it is I'm pushing myself to walk.  My legs are still very weak and wobbly but the only form of exercise I can do right now is to walk.  I'm afraid to look at myself in the mirror.  I'd make a pretty decent zombie in a walking dead episode.  Diet and exercise is my main focus now.  Need to get my face back to normal.

 

I've given up trying to explain what I'm going through to people around me.  No one around me understands what I'm going through.  I'm done trying to get some sort of human compassion out from others.  I don't have any friends left anymore and I can feel the strain on my family too. This is a lonely form of existence and I have to go at it alone and make it out alone.  But deep down I don't really know how to handle the longing for some sort of human companionship.  

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WHY, I know how you feel. We all feel pretty much the same in terms of the lonely war we are fighting! I do have friends understanding and being supportive listening to my agony, but deep down I know I'm the one and only to go through all the suffering minute by minute. I can't look at mirror either especially when the severe akathesia all over me like millions bugs and needling poking into my brain, head and whole body.

 

I hope you find a way to control your diet. Little walking is a good start. I found for long time since I got very sick in this process, I can only walk on the machine. It's very helpful especially I do it together with others in gym, a dark cinema room. I feel it must be the meditating effect.

 

Do you meditate? I never did until recently, but found it very effective in lessening some symptoms.

 

You are in my thought! I know you can do it as long as you believe it yourself. And you are not alone in this war, I always have an ear for your pain.

 

Hugs,

Lex

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Hey there WhySSRI. How are you doing now that you are 9 months out? What symptoms do you experience? Do you also get insomnia too?

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Hey LexAnger,

 

Thanks for being here for me.  Hope you're doing well.

 

Hey anongrl,

 

These days things are still so very hard.  I get hit with intense anxiety my teeth start chattering.  Intense wave of teeth pain is a new symptom that emerged.  On the other hand I am seeing improvements on quite a few symptoms.  Dp/dr is not as severe as it used to be.  I still absolutely dread getting hit with dp/dr.  Walking has been getting better these days.  I still struggle to get out of bed in the morning as I find this entire experience demoralizing.  But when I do get out of bed I don't spend my days bedridden anymore.  I'm up and about doing a few chores here and there.  I can slowly pace around my driveway at home enjoying the sun on my skin.  I guess I'm on the home/sofa ridden phase now. Walking on my treadmill has been a great help so far even at a very low intensity.  Even my akathisia is showing promising improvements.  

 

I do daily body scan mediations which enables me to notice even a small micro level improvement.  All my symptoms vary in intensity and have shown evidence of improvements except my almighty tinnitus.  It's crazy that I find tinnitus to be worse than dp/dr or even akathisia.  The only time I feel somewhat normal is when I get in the shower.  The sounds of water masks my tinnitus and my mood does get lifted from a nice shower but it doesn't last long.  I'm still dealing with so many symptoms insomnia doesn't even bother me.  It's a miracle I'm even able to sleep with this many symptoms.  My eyes do get red from all the sleep deprivation.

 

How are you doing anongrl?  Hope you're doing ok.

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I had severe teeth pain that lasted the past 2 months straight. It was one of my most horrifying symptoms because the nerves right in the center of my teeth would go haywire for hours and leave me riddled with SO much excruciating pain! It was every single day. I had to use an oral analgesic to numb the pain even though it was only temporary relief (you can find it OTC like at the Dollar Tree or anywhere like Walmart really). Thankfully, it miraculously has now gone down to just some slight sensitivity in my mouth if that gives you any peace of mind! 

 

Glad to hear you are seeing some improvements. I also have seen some with myself but I am definitely also very symptomatic still. I also have tinnitus that usually rages at night and the mornings and then it comes and goes throughout the day. It can get super loud to very faint and vice versa. There is no pattern to it. My other symptoms still include akathisia (this one is the worst symptom for me), eye floaters, pins + needles in hands and feet, morning cortisol rushes (this is also my worst one!), racing thoughts, looping songs stuck in head, electrical sensations flowing through my face, buzzing sensations, chest pain, suicidal thoughts ... and more. Showers and baths help me too a little bit. It just sucks when the pain is so overpowering that my showers become daunting. Wow your eyes got red? Insomnia is a HUGE problem for me. I have to take a sleep aid mediation (it's OTC called doxylamine succinate) to help me doze off because my body has lost the ability to feel tired and sleepy. So now I must force myself to sleep. I wish I didn't have to rely on it but I do almost every single night. Otherwise I am going to have no sleep whatsoever! Just wish I could at least have my normal sleep back. I usually sleep around 11pm and wake up in the middle of the night, have broken sleep, and automatically wake up around 6 or 7am with the racing thoughts, looping music, and pain in various parts of my body. Praying to see some windows soon. 

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Hey Why, 

 

This is Rain, just come in and say hello, I am in my darkest time even I am still on 6.5mg of Lexapro... 

 

I got suicidal akathisia very bad, I don't know what will happen next. 

 

Hopefully We will all get better soon! 

 

Regards

 

Rain

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Hi WHY,

 

I can imagine how hard going through each day like this for so long, even for me jumping from a relative lower cliff has been very horradius in the past 4 months and still I don't see any light in this dark tunnel. You have been so strong and I look up to you for inspiration and streghth.

 

That is a great improvement now you are sofa/ home bound rather than bed ridden. This tinnitus must be super annoying god I wish it can just stop suddenly. Have you tried to wear a headset with some soothing music on to cover up the noise somehow? I remember another member clearday also had this symptom for long after CT Lexapro. It eventually end away for him I think.

 

Hope you are having a fair day today, you are almost there for the one year anniversary off the meds, wish this milestone brings you with major improvement !

 

Lex

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Hi WhySSRI,

Have you considered getting a mouthguard for the teeth chattering? Espescially if you grind your teeth at night. You can get clear ones that you put on the bottom teeth and can wear it during the day

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stopping by to see how you are doing 

How is your tinnitus?  Mine is getting better.  I hear it constantly when quite but it is not as intense.  Hopefully yours is improving as well 

Healing thoughts your way 

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Hi Why and everyone,

I am also going through this teeth pain and sensitivity.

 

It was there 2 months ago and gone.

Now its back with more severity. Its like my jaw is clenching , facial nerves are tight, even at day time.

 

I started keeping lips in between teeth as a temporary solution but will go to buy a mouthguard, which is promising at sleep.

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Hello WhySSRI,

 

I caught up with your thread today and I wanted to let you know that the way you handle this most challenging situation is inspiring and empowering. You focus on imporvements however small and even if you can't notice any, you focus on having made it through one more day or one more hour. This is the way to win this battle. I'm amazed at how you don't panic because of all the panic and other frightening symptoms but keep things in perspective and believe in the heaing process.

 

You have every right to feel down, discouraged or simply say in as many words as you need to that things are hard and horrible. I also post on my better days. On my bad days I'm just focused on surviving and I mostly silently read through other people's threads to be reminded that other people went through the same and still made it to the other side. As somebody said (maybe even you): we are in the sandstorm and only relying on the voices of people who have made it through.

 

You are very right that people who haven't been through this can't really understand us. Even those that care about us a lot. Loneliness is another dreadful dimension of the whole experience. That's why this community is so very precious. Let's stick together.

 

I look forward to hearing from you like your other friends here. Sending healing vibes your way.

 

Bubble

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Hey anongrl,

Thank you for the assurances.  Happy to hear that some of your symptoms have improved.  My teeth pain is just another annoyance that I have to deal with these days.  Hope to hear more of your improvements soon.

 

Hey Rain,

Akathisia was one of the worst symptoms when it hit me.  But it wasn't persistent like the tinnitus that I have.  It came and went but I absolutely dreaded when I got hit. It takes time but it will go away.  Hang in there.  Thanks for stopping by my thread.

 

Hey LexAnger,

My tinnitus is still going strong.  But I believe it will go away in time.  I'm glad that I inspire you to be strong.  We will all make it out of this just stay strong.

 

Hey raven,

Yes, I have tried mouth guards before but sadly they didn't work for me. Thanks for stopping by my thread. 

 

Hey Blondiee,

My tinnitus is still going strong but it will get better in time.  Just have to believe and let things settle down and heal in time.  

 

Hey bhasski,

Hang in there.  Things will heal in time stay strong.  Thanks for stopping by my thread.

 

Hey Bubble,

Thanks for stopping by my thread.  My journey so far has been very challenging and hard at times.  I was and still am ill equipped going through this journey.  But for whatever reason I am determined to see through the end.  I will not stop.  I will not give up.

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Random episodes of anxiety and panic hits me throughout the day.  Lately I've been trying to find a trigger for my anxiety and panic.  Was it my thoughts?  Was it something I ate?  Was it something I did?  Each time I get hit I find that it's totally random and nothing I did triggers it.  My tinnitus gets much louder, my body gets really heavy, my body temperature gets cold and then a electric sensation goes over my body then my body turns flashing hot with excessive sweating and pulsating heart.  Just absolutely dread it.  Nothing I can do except lying down and letting it pass through my body.  Just floating through this.  Takes hours but it does end with exhaustion.  I'm getting better at managing them in time.  My last panic attack lasted three hours.

 
I'm just now realizing how bad my akathisia really was. The unrelenting restless inner torment has been getting better.  Things are a lot more calmer than usual.  My legs don't wobble any more as I walk.  Tinnitus and head pressure are the two most horrid symptoms that I'm dealing with.  Things are still up and down throughout the day with no pattern at all.  My focus is still spending time out in the sun, light walking, and watching my weight.  It's been a hit and miss with exercise.  Someday I feel good after a walking exercise and someday I feel awful.  But I do believe that my light walking exercise has been beneficial so far.  Just putting my foot in front of the other.

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Hi Why

 

It's good to hear that things are improving.

 

I'm wondering if something which my daughter suggested to me (I think it was her counsellor who told her about it) might help you.

 

A year ago my daughter was concerned about how I was going to cope after the death of my 14 year old dog.  She made a suggestion to me about "checking in with myself" throughout the day to see how I was.  Because I knew that I would probably forget and sometimes things creep up slowly and then all of a sudden I am in a bad state, I set a timer for an hour during the morning (and it became easier to do it without the timer in the afternoon) just so I could be reminded and I would stop and think, okay, how am I feeling, what thoughts am I having.  This meant that I could nip it in the bud and do some controlled deep breathing before it became too much of a problem and harder to deal with.

 

It's something that have found very useful in the last year for various things.

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Random episodes of anxiety and panic hits me throughout the day.  Lately I've been trying to find a trigger for my anxiety and panic.  Was it my thoughts?  Was it something I ate?  Was it something I did?  Each time I get hit I find that it's totally random and nothing I did triggers it.  My tinnitus gets much louder, my body gets really heavy, my body temperature gets cold and then a electric sensation goes over my body then my body turns flashing hot with excessive sweating and pulsating heart.  Just absolutely dread it.  Nothing I can do except lying down and letting it pass through my body.  Just floating through this.  Takes hours but it does end with exhaustion.  I'm getting better at managing them in time.  My last panic attack lasted three hours.

 
I'm just now realizing how bad my akathisia really was. The unrelenting restless inner torment has been getting better.  Things are a lot more calmer than usual.  My legs don't wobble any more as I walk.  Tinnitus and head pressure are the two most horrid symptoms that I'm dealing with.  Things are still up and down throughout the day with no pattern at all.  My focus is still spending time out in the sun, light walking, and watching my weight.  It's been a hit and miss with exercise.  Someday I feel good after a walking exercise and someday I feel awful.  But I do believe that my light walking exercise has been beneficial so far.  Just putting my foot in front of the other.

 

 

Hey WhySSRI,

 

I honestly think the WD symptoms just come up randomly with no rhyme or reason and no triggers. This is how it has been for me anyways. I have all the sxs you have and all I can do is let them pass through my body as well. It also lasts hours for me too. I'm trying to learn to accept but I am constantly so anxious about my sxs that it's so difficult to do so especially when the physical pain is so bad. There's just no pattern to this whole thing. 

 

Putting my foot in front of the other as well. Just gotta keep trudging along. 

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