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WhySSRI: Relearning my body and mind

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#37 WhySSRI

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Posted 31 January 2017 - 02:45 PM

Flashbacks have completely gone.  No more travel down memory lane.

Dp/dr and brain fog has improved.

PSSD has improved.  It's alive!!!    :D


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#38 Blondiee1915

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Posted 17 February 2017 - 02:49 PM

Hi just checking in to see how you are doing ? How is your tinitus ?

Lexapro 20 mg since 2007 until 2013 with various attempts to stop.  Most lasted 3 months, was forced to reinstate due to severe symptoms 

During 2013 found a new dr and started trying other medications:  Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil (each med about 2-4 months).  

MOI Nardil (about 1 year 2014-2015) which did help with anxiety, but caused ALOT of weight and had a food reaction that sent me to ER.  

Lexapro 10 mg 2015 -2016, few months 15 mg

Vibryiid 05/16-06/16 10-15 mg 

Started to withdraw from Vibryiid around mid June with last dose in early July 16.  Felt pretty good for the whole summer. Some anxiety, dizziness, short fuse, some weakness but okay overall. Comes October - dizziness, spinning, off balance feeling, FATIGUE, anxiety, fear, racing thoughts, insomnia, DP/DR

Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro.  Some relief, sleep better, severe DP/DR decreased.  Still very anxious, exhausted, dizzy. 

Switched 12/26/16 Luvox 50 mg (25 mg am and 25 mg pm).  Dizziness, exhaustion, anxiety, sleeping ALOT 

1/13/17 switched to one dose of Luvox 50 mg before bed.  EXHAUSTED, sleeping ALOT, dizzy, weakness, off balance, anxiety 

1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg before bed

 

Supplements: iron, fish oil, vitamin D, methyl folate


#39 WhySSRI

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Posted 20 February 2017 - 08:43 PM

Hi Blondiee,

 

Thanks for checking up on me.  Its just been micro level improvements here and there nothing major to report.  I can add hot sweats and cold chills to my list of symptoms now.   :mellow:

 

My tinnitus is going strong.  Haven't seen any improvements on any of my head symptoms.

 

How are you doing Blondiee?

 

Lately I find myself obsessed with this one song. 


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#40 Blondiee1915

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 06:56 PM

Hi!
Hot and cold sweats must be fun, sorry you have to add them to the list of symptoms . Small micro level improvements are still good though . I also have tinitus still. When it is quite and before bed it gets super annoying, my strategy to deal with it to tel myself this is who I am not and not fight and just accept it . But it is definitely frustrating.
I am doing okay. My biggest symptoms are dizziness and fatigue, some anxiety . But manageable overall.
I have to check out that video. I also started listening to some music. I know when I feel slightly better when I out some music on (light rock and just regular radio pop music )

Lexapro 20 mg since 2007 until 2013 with various attempts to stop.  Most lasted 3 months, was forced to reinstate due to severe symptoms 

During 2013 found a new dr and started trying other medications:  Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil (each med about 2-4 months).  

MOI Nardil (about 1 year 2014-2015) which did help with anxiety, but caused ALOT of weight and had a food reaction that sent me to ER.  

Lexapro 10 mg 2015 -2016, few months 15 mg

Vibryiid 05/16-06/16 10-15 mg 

Started to withdraw from Vibryiid around mid June with last dose in early July 16.  Felt pretty good for the whole summer. Some anxiety, dizziness, short fuse, some weakness but okay overall. Comes October - dizziness, spinning, off balance feeling, FATIGUE, anxiety, fear, racing thoughts, insomnia, DP/DR

Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro.  Some relief, sleep better, severe DP/DR decreased.  Still very anxious, exhausted, dizzy. 

Switched 12/26/16 Luvox 50 mg (25 mg am and 25 mg pm).  Dizziness, exhaustion, anxiety, sleeping ALOT 

1/13/17 switched to one dose of Luvox 50 mg before bed.  EXHAUSTED, sleeping ALOT, dizzy, weakness, off balance, anxiety 

1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg before bed

 

Supplements: iron, fish oil, vitamin D, methyl folate


#41 WhySSRI

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Posted 02 March 2017 - 03:15 PM

Strange falling sinking sensation is completely gone.

PSSD is completely gone.

 

Healing is happening after all.


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#42 WhySSRI

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Posted 02 March 2017 - 03:23 PM

Blondiee,

 

Tinnitus is really no fun.  T is the one symptom so far that hasn't shown any improvements what so ever.  Actually it got worst.   :( Hang in there.  

 

At the beginning of withdrawal, I couldn't stand music at all.  The lyrics drove me insane.  But now I'm actually enjoying music again.  It definitely lifts my mood up.


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#43 time2wakeup

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Posted 02 March 2017 - 07:32 PM

Hey! Just wondering if you've ever tried inositol (powder form) or magnesium (try the slow-release stuff by Jigsaw) for tinnitus? I had very bad tinnitus in benzo withdrawal and both of those supps helped me a lot. It's pretty much gone now.


Took 20mg of prozac from Oct '11- March '12, quit cold turkey

Still suffering from anhedonia/emotional blunting today (2017)

I have had only a few windows, and ONLY had them during my period (first 2 days or so when bleeding heavily)

-

Took .5-1 mg of klonopin from April '16 - June '16, quit cold turkey, and went through SIX MONTHS OF WITHDRAWAL. Something isn't right...

-

Supplements that have helped me: inositol powder by Jarrow's (helped with tinnitus and brainfog in benzo w/d), magnesium w/SRT by Jigsaw (calms me down immediately!! mag is SO important!!), phosphatidylserine (helps lower cortisol for better sleep - used in benzo w/d), megadoses of vitamin C (also helps to lower cortisol)  


#44 LexAnger

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Posted 02 March 2017 - 09:48 PM

Hi WHY,

I read your entire thread just now. I want to let you know you are an aspiration going through the most difficult part of the WD from CT, and still remain calm, dignity and even human in between your lines.

I felt your pain reading through your early posts and so happy to read your recent updates with good improvement! You are so deserve them all and with your patience the T will shake its foundation and clapse.

Hugs to you for being so strong!
Lex
<p>2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg, first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, slight improvement with pain2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR2016 Feb., started fast taper for the drug toxicity caused by the one dose of 4.2mg, dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, sliding Down to 0.13mg by 2/13, then 0.07mg since 2/18, 0.06mg 2/20-3/17, 0.13mg 3/18

#45 LexAnger

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Posted 02 March 2017 - 10:36 PM

Oh, bad typo, I meant humor not human.

Also, you wrote so well I actually enjoyed your writing.

Best wishes,
Lex
<p>2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg, first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, slight improvement with pain2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR2016 Feb., started fast taper for the drug toxicity caused by the one dose of 4.2mg, dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, sliding Down to 0.13mg by 2/13, then 0.07mg since 2/18, 0.06mg 2/20-3/17, 0.13mg 3/18

#46 WhySSRI

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Posted 03 March 2017 - 02:00 PM

time2wakeup,

 

I never really had any luck with supplements at all.  It's best I stay away from them.

 

LexAnger,

 

Thank you for stopping by my thread.  Your words of encouragement means a lot.  I try to stay strong in this thick withdrawal muck.  The days that I come here to post are usually a tiny bit better than most days.


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#47 LexAnger

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Posted 03 March 2017 - 08:13 PM

Hi WAY,

Hoe you are having a fair day!
how was your work ( if you were working before CT) impacted? Were you able to take care of yourself for basic routines?

Lex
<p>2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg, first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, slight improvement with pain2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR2016 Feb., started fast taper for the drug toxicity caused by the one dose of 4.2mg, dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, sliding Down to 0.13mg by 2/13, then 0.07mg since 2/18, 0.06mg 2/20-3/17, 0.13mg 3/18

#48 WhySSRI

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 05:38 PM

Lex,

 

I'm still severely disabled unable to work.  You're so strong to be working through all this withdrawal muck. 


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#49 anongrl5590

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 06:02 PM

Hey WhySSRI,

 

Just read through your thread and I also have CT'd. I'm right behind you at a little over 5 months now. Are you experiencing any windows at all where you are symptom free? Or is it more of a constant up and down everyday? 

 

What are your main sxs now?


My medication -- Prozac
August 2015: Started on 10mg/day
September 2015 to May 2016: Increased to 20mg/day
May 2016: Abruptly stopped 20mg for 2 weeks (withdrawal symtoms arose but assumed it was worsened depression)
June 2016 to August 2016: increased to 40mg (my body reacted very badly to this dose)
August 2016: decreased back to 20mg
September 2016: tapered off 10mg this month alone
September 30, 2016: last day of Prozac
October 2016: month long window
November 2016-Present: WD symptoms (too many physical sxs and some mental sxs)
February 5-20, 2017: Reinstated at 1-2mg // February 21, 2017: Back to no meds

 


#50 WhySSRI

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 06:08 PM

My bodily sensations like bowel movements, hunger, breathing, etc have slowly returned but they do feel strange.  I do feel them but they are still not the same sensation as before.  Waking up in the morning with wood was a long lost forgotten sensation buried in the past.  I am happy that it has returned but I find the entire sensation totally weird uncomfortable and disturbing.  Waking up in this thick withdrawal muck with wood in the morning :blink:, someone up there must have a weird sense of humor.  None of the bodily sensations that have returned feel the same as before.  I guess my nerves do need more healing.

 

Now I've been getting these micro moments where my tinnitus goes away for a few seconds.  And when this happens thats when I get hit with massive dp/dr and I absolutely dread it.  Strange that I find these two related for some reason.

 

My walking has gotten slightly better these days.  Healing is happening it just takes a lot of time!!!!


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#51 WhySSRI

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 06:27 PM

Anongrl,

 

Thanks for stopping by my thread.  I don't seem to follow the window/wave pattern of withdrawal.  I was hit with massive withdrawal the next day I stopped my meds and haven't seen a single window as of yet.  It has been a constant daily up and down for me.

 

My current sxs still are many.  

 

Massive anhedonia.  

Raging tinnitus.  Sometimes I can hear my heat beat.  Ear pain comes and goes.

Sleep is still sporadic ranging between 2-5 hours unable to find a pattern for now.

Entire body feels so heavy.

Slow boat rocking feeling back and forth.

Head is so heavy like a rock.

Massive head pressure. 

Feeling dizzy.

Still have this weird metal taste in my mouth.  

Olfactory hallucinations comes and goes.

There's enormous pressure in my head, eyes, and ears.  Sinus draining happens randomly.

Dp/dr comes and goes.  When I get hit I feel like I'm in a 3D video game.

Restless leg and akathisia comes and goes.

All parts of my body is so numb.

Brain fog cog fog still rampant.

Body temperature fluctuations.

Unable to walk properly.  Coordination issues.

Speech impairment.

Internal body shaking trembling vibrating pulsating feeling. 

 

I'm pretty sure there are more but I'll stop for now. :P  Just surprised at all these physical sxs for a psych drug that I took.  

Congrats on getting off your meds.  How are you managing after your meds?


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#52 anongrl5590

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 06:58 PM

Hey WhySSRI,

 

I can definitely relate to a lot of the symptoms you have. Mine are mainly physical too with some mental symptoms (I get songs that loop in my head 24/7...it's truly aggravating and annoying). 

 

I feel like I got worse now that I am a little over 5 months. At the beginning about the first 2-3 months I had the waves/windows pattern, but now I have 0 windows. I feel like I'm in a continuous wave that never ends and lets up every once in awhile for brief periods. 

 

Some of my symptoms have gone away or are diminishing in intensity but then new symptoms have come and taken over. I believe the body is healing but most times it's hard to maintain that belief. 


My medication -- Prozac
August 2015: Started on 10mg/day
September 2015 to May 2016: Increased to 20mg/day
May 2016: Abruptly stopped 20mg for 2 weeks (withdrawal symtoms arose but assumed it was worsened depression)
June 2016 to August 2016: increased to 40mg (my body reacted very badly to this dose)
August 2016: decreased back to 20mg
September 2016: tapered off 10mg this month alone
September 30, 2016: last day of Prozac
October 2016: month long window
November 2016-Present: WD symptoms (too many physical sxs and some mental sxs)
February 5-20, 2017: Reinstated at 1-2mg // February 21, 2017: Back to no meds

 


#53 WhySSRI

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 07:15 PM

anongrl,

 

Everyone's different in their recovery.  You will recover on your own timeframe.  Stay strong keep updating your progress and also read other people's journey here.  It has been a life saver for me.  


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#54 LexAnger

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 08:32 PM

Lex,
 
I'm still severely disabled unable to work.  You're so strong to be working through all this withdrawal muck.


I tried everything in all different ways in the past years giving the work thr highest priority while handling the process. My job situation is quite unique in that I can work from home most days, and I have a highly functional team to manage. To be honest, my performance has been getting lower and lower until recently since the huge drop of dose from 0.8 to 0.06 now in 2 months, I know it's not possible anymore even maintains the minimal functionality at work so I'm taking leave right now.

If not for the simplest life style I have for a single person, I don't think I can take care the very basics at home either.

I feel speechless that you are having so many symptoms in 8 months out. This is total crime so many innocent lives were damaged by the most ' trustful' medical community. And the amount of suffering is truly un- human!
<p>2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg, first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, slight improvement with pain2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR2016 Feb., started fast taper for the drug toxicity caused by the one dose of 4.2mg, dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, sliding Down to 0.13mg by 2/13, then 0.07mg since 2/18, 0.06mg 2/20-3/17, 0.13mg 3/18

#55 WhySSRI

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 11:55 PM

Lex,

 

We all try and make the best of our given situations.  I really admire your resilience, strength, and courage in maintaining your career.  From where I'm standing you're a true inspiration.  :)

 

Oh yes, even the most basic simple house chores have become a massive undertaking.  Doesn't matter how long it takes I do the best I can manage.

 

I was on a SSRI long term then later on SNRI for a short term on top of a benzo.  I didn't taper but did a CT instead so it explains my situation.  From what I've read and seen here my sxs are typical for a CT withdrawal.  I'm just glad and thankful that it hasn't morphed into anything more severe at this point thank God.  


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#56 WhySSRI

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Posted 17 March 2017 - 03:13 PM

My life was never really easy.  Always had to struggle for everything.  Never really caught a break either.  But then I got so tired of fighting for everything in life.  I dreaded each and every moment of my life.  Waking up each day dragging myself to work and endlessly repeating the same thing next day.  I lost my enthusiasm and a genuine zest in life.  That dread finally turned into anxiety and panic.  Met with doctor after doctor which landed me in this AD mess and a further crippling of my life.  It's very hard making sense of all this.  I just can't.  So here I find myself again.  Living in the present now is way too painful and contemplating for the future is near impossible.  So I find myself living in the past again.  These days I keep doing this over and over again.  Can't help it.  I don't recall a single good moment in my past and yet I am living in the past.  

 

So here I am and I bid farewell to my past.  On with my present moment.  That's all I can do.  


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#57 LexAnger

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Posted 17 March 2017 - 04:44 PM

Oh WHY, I'm sorry you are feeling this way! God, I don't know what to say, I am at the lowest bottom my self too today, feeling totally defeated with several hours heart failure like status, eventually I made a decision to increase dose to save my heart. While in mid it's of the desparate, I often think all the bad things happened to my life that led to my AD misery. Feeling regret about all of those decisions and how my life was failed eventually.

I believe these are at least part is the neuro emotion, as I remember when I feel ok, I would not think this way.
It's so hard to be in such deep despair physically and mentally for so long. Only the strongest and bravest ppl can endure and for that we should be proud of. Remember you are not alone and many here feel your pain. I know I won't make it to today if not for the company and support from others going through the same.

I hope you feel a bit better. I usually have a turning point round sunset for between evening too.

Hugs,
Lex
<p>2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg, first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, slight improvement with pain2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR2016 Feb., started fast taper for the drug toxicity caused by the one dose of 4.2mg, dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, sliding Down to 0.13mg by 2/13, then 0.07mg since 2/18, 0.06mg 2/20-3/17, 0.13mg 3/18

#58 WhySSRI

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Posted 21 March 2017 - 03:06 PM

Hey Lex,

 

Thank you for your post.  

 

I think it's important for me to see my root cause for landing me in this mess.  Nowadays when I find myself drifting into the past again, I drag myself out of it.  The more I drag myself out of it the easier it gets.  I will not live in the past anymore.  


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#59 LexAnger

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Posted 21 March 2017 - 05:46 PM

That's good to hear, WHY!
Awareness, in all aspects and ways, is what I have been learning again and again during this soul and mind changing process, the most important indeed to make the final healing.

Acceptance of the whole trauma took me two years before I could focus only on the healing process.

Please be kind to yourself.
Lex
<p>2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg, first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, slight improvement with pain2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR2016 Feb., started fast taper for the drug toxicity caused by the one dose of 4.2mg, dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, sliding Down to 0.13mg by 2/13, then 0.07mg since 2/18, 0.06mg 2/20-3/17, 0.13mg 3/18

#60 WhySSRI

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 04:26 PM

Hey Lex,

 

How are you these days?  Yes, this healing process is baffling to the mind.  I find it best to let it be and accept it.  Hope you're doing alright.


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#61 WhySSRI

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 04:29 PM

Weird metal taste in my mouth is completely gone.  

Olfactory hallucinations completely gone.

 

Nowadays my tinnitus is accompanied with massive head pressure and stabbing ear pain.  The pressure is so bad makes my head feel like its going to explode.  DP/DR is getting frequent with increased intensity.  Getting hit with dp/dr is absolutely horrid.  All kinds of sensory discomfort still plagues me.

 

Still taking things day by day still determined to see through the end.


2010 - had my first full blown panic attack started on alprazolam 0.5 mg
2011 - was told by doc to try AD along with benzo to control panic attack and anxiety lexapro 20 mg alprazolam 2.0 mg
2012 - was told by doc to switch out medication paxil 40 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
Mar 2016 - made the jump to cymbalta 60 mg clonazepam 2.0 mg
July 2016 - got sick and tired of taking meds finally decided to cold turkey meds
 

My Intro


#62 LexAnger

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 05:03 PM

Hi WHY,

Your streghth is amazing and inspiring to my own battling! DR is a horrible state to be in from own first hand experience too. Those two symptoms being completely gone is very encouraging -- healing is in process no doubt even we don't know how many others need to be gone through. Living one day at a time is what takes even the strongest human being during this process.

My day started with a severe ear pain like a knife was poking into my right ear. It then turned into a day with most intolerable needling pain allover head, back of body then to deep bone aches everywhere later afternoon, feeling scared thinking about how many more of these days ahead.

Not a day I can sound positive and encouraging, but better days will return. Hope more better days for both of us.
<p>2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg, first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, slight improvement with pain2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR2016 Feb., started fast taper for the drug toxicity caused by the one dose of 4.2mg, dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, sliding Down to 0.13mg by 2/13, then 0.07mg since 2/18, 0.06mg 2/20-3/17, 0.13mg 3/18





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