I spend nearly every day on this forum so I figure why not make a post of my own. Well where to start??? 9 months ago I was a hard headed, intense, body building, drug abusing party animal. I had just graduated college, and immediately became an assistant manager. The job was perfect for me, being sales minded and very outgoing. Then one day, mid March everything in my life came spiraling out of control. I drank heavily at a party and experimented with some cocaine. I woke up the next morning feeling off, eeew withdrawals, I told myself I would make it through this week and it would get better. It didn't... I was having panic attacks at work, so I went to an urgent care clinic. He tossed me a prescription to Prozac and sent me on my way.
A huge sigh of relief came over me.... What I didn'the know is that cocaine withdrawl was nothing. I was about to be put through the most brutal hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I took the Prozac for about 3 months without a Pdoc, diagnosing myself online and hearing about "startup effects" I persevered through this lobotomy, surprisingly sober (despite my best efforts).
Until one day I went on vacation with my family and I Snapped, I drank a few beers and went completely manic...started throwing plates in this beach house my brother rented and hid from my brothers because I didn'the want them too see me. At this time i'd been seeing a doctor for a week and she said it was fine to cold turkey Prozac. So I did, and ever since I have been slowly crawling out of hell. Withdrawl and being on the drug feel no different to me, extreme depersonalization, which is mostly gone, sensitivity to everything, food, vitamins, etc. Short term memory loss, and the list goes on.
2 months in my doctor put me on Lamictal, but due to my extreme sensitivity I started to feel crazy again, so I got off. Felt good for a week then things spiraled out of control again. I finally convinced her to give me 5 MG tabs that I break in to quarters because that'she all my nervous system can handle. She thinks it's a placebo, but I was insistent that she give me the micro dose. It helps tremendously with my depersonalization. But this is a success story, so i'll get to the positive.
I learned that 1 year ago I was "happy" but my life was way off balanced. I was addicted to drugs and would anything to impress others, and I hated the person I saw in the mirrior. For once in my life I was thrown a curveball where I was forced to work on myself, and luckily through all of these terrible events I have achieved a level of balance in my life.
I still have a lot of residual side effects of treating my brain like a piñata for the last 5 years. I still occasionally drink, if I feel like I can handle it but I usually cap out at 2-3 beers. I have a psych doctor that will literally throw any potent benzo I want at me (which I refuse to even pick up my perscription). I am far from perfect, but i'm learning, and feeling myself recovering.
I have an amazing support system consisting of my girlfriend, my family and a friend that literally went through the exact same experience as me. For all of those who think you will be stuck like this forever, you will recover. If someone like me, with no self control can make it through this, you can too. I now get why heroin addicts never get off of it, because they just want to feel "normal" again. Your drug dealer just does it by the books.
We can only take life one day at a time, spread positivity and try to do a little good in every day. And don'the beat up on yourself for your mistakes. Thank you Altostrata and everyone on this forum. You have all helped me grow in to an individual I am liking more and more every day. I will be sure to give updates in future months.
Edited by ChessieCat, 16 December 2016 - 01:01 AM.
Removed name where employed/added spacing between paragraphs