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Waiting12: needing advice


Waiting12

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Hello Aelius, Waiting.

 

I think the more we support each other the better. Hearing the good and bad news helps in some way or another. We'll get through this and trek wonderful stories of our recoveries one day!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

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Hi Dez,

you`re right. We all need to support each other. I don`t have this sort of support in the real world. Only a few people I know in real life have had their own personal experience with psych drugs withdrawal.

I`m feeling worse today. I couldn`t fall asleep long last night, I was sweating, I woke up several times and had unpleasant anxiety, diarrhea and stomach ache in the morning. I also had bad thoughts regarding my dizziness and that it might never dissapear. I`m a bit anxious as I`m typing now.

05/06/2015-05/21/2015 Zoloft C/T, 05/2015-08/2015 Clonazepam 2x0.5mg (reduced to 0 during one month), 05/2015-08/2015 Trazodone 150mg (last month 100mg, reduced to 0 during 7 days), 09/2015-07/2016 Clonazepam reinstated after one month off to 2x0.25mg (benzo free since July 28, 2016), 09/2016 Escitalopram 5mg (10 days), 10/2015-04/2016 Venlafaxine 150mg (3 months) 75mg (3 months) C/T, 01/2016-04/2016 Olanzapine 2.5mg C/T, 04/2016-05/2016 Lamictal 100mg (5 weeks, reduced to 0 during 7 days)), 08/02/2016-08/16/2016 Valdoxan 25mg C/T,

08/23/2016-09/21/2016 Venlafaxine 75 mg (reduced to 0 during 7 days),

07/27/2016-10/10/2016 Buspirone 3x5mg (Oct. 1-3; 5mg-2.5mg-2.5mg,)(Oct.4-5; 2.5mg-2.5mg-2.5mg)(Oct. 6-8; 2.5mg-2.5mg-0)(Oct. 9; 2.5mg-0-0),

10/25/2016 - reinstated Buspirone 3x5mg (Dec.13-19; 5mg-2.5mg-5mg) (Dec.19-Jan.1; 5mg, 2.5mg, 2.5mg) (Jan.2-11; 2.5mg, 2.5mg, 2.5mg) (Jan.2-19;1.67mg, 1.67mg, 1.67mg) (Jan.20-27; 0.83mg, 0.83mg, 0.83mg) (Jan.28-Feb.05; 1mg, 1mg)(Feb.6-0mg)

08/10/2016 - Mirtazapine 30mg (01/26/2017-02/19/2017, 27mg) (02/20/2017-03/05/2017, 25.5mg) (03/06/2017-03/12/2017, 24mg) (03/12/2017-03/19/2017, 23mg) (03/20/2017-04/02/2017, 22mg) (04/03/2017-04/16/2017, 21mg) (04/17/2017-05/12/2017, 20mg) (05/13/2017-05/22/2017, 19mg) (05/23/2017-06/09/2017, 18mg) (06/10/2017-06/16/2017, 17.5mg) (06/17/2017-06/23/2017, 17mg) (06/24/2017-06/30/2017, 16.5mg) (07/01/2017-07/14/2017, 16mg) (07/15/2017-07/23/2017, 15.5mg) (07/24/2017-08/31/2017, 15mg) (09/01/2017-09/10/2017, 14.5mg) (09/11/2017-09/30/2017, 14mg) (10/01/2017-10/26/2017, 13.5mg) (10/27/2017-11/04/2017, 13mg) (11/05/2017-11/18/2017, 12.5mg) (11/19/2017-12/08/2017, 12mg) (12/09/2017-12/15/2017, 11.75mg) (12/16/2017-12/28/2017, 11.5mg) (12/29/2017-01/11/2018, 11mg) (01/12/2018-01/25/2018, 10.5mg) (01/26/2018-02/08/2018, 10mg) (02/09/2018-02/22/2018, 9.5mg) (02/23/2018-03/08/2018, 9mg) (03/09/2018-03/22/2018, 8.5mg) (03/23/2018-04/05/2018, 8mg) (04/06/2018-04/27/2018, 7.5mg) (04/28/2018-05/05/2018, 7.13mg) (05/06/2018-05/17/2018, 7mg) (05/18/201/-05/31/2018, 6.5mg) (06/01/2018-06/14/2018, 6.25mg) (06/15/2018-06/24/2018, 6mg) (06/25/2018-06/30/2018, 5.67mg) (06/31/2018-07/09/2018, 5.5mg) (07/10/2018-07/16/2018, 5.33mg) (07/17/2018-07/23/2018, 5.16mg) (07/24/2018-07/31/2018, 5mg) (08/01/2018-08/14/2018, 4.75mg) (08/15/2018-09/14/2018, 4.50mg) (09/15/2018-10/14/2018, 4.00mg) (10/15/2018-11/26/2018, 3.50mg) (11/27/2018-01/05/2019, 3.0mg) (01/06/2019-01/16/2019, 2.5mg) (01/17/2019-02/08/2019, 2.25mg) (02/09/2019-02/22/2019, 2.13 mg) (02/23/2019-03/07/2019, 2.00 mg) (03/08/2019-04/01/2019, 1.67 mg) (04/02/2019-04/13/2019, 1.5 mg) (04/14/2019-04/26/2019, 1.33 mg) (04/27/2019-05/10/2019, 1.16 mg) (05/11/2019-05/23/2019, 1.0 mg) (05/24/2019-06/02/2019, 0.88 mg) (06/03/2019-06/13/2019, 0.75 mg) (06/14/2019-06/23/2019, 0.63 mg) (06/24/2019-07/03/2019, 0.50 mg) (07/04/2019-07/08/2019, 0.00 mg) (07/09/2019, 0.50 mg) (07/10/2019, 0.00 mg)

Psych drugs free since 10th July 2019.

 

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Aelius,

 

I've had the same issue except I haven't slept at all. First time in awhile. I'm here if you ever need to talk to someone. We all need support. I also recommend a hotline if you start feeling really bad and just need to get things out. It helps me out a surprising amount. We'll all work together on this. It'll take time, probably a lot of time, but we'll get there eventually. It's just a steep mountain to climb but just imagine the view at the top.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

Link to comment

Dez,

 

I appreciate that. I`m here for you as well. I`m really sad that you and Waiting have to go through such a horrible time. You are in your mid twenties which I consider the most beautiful age. You should be enjoying your life instead of this suffering. I believe that the best is still ahead of you.

I called a hotline only once when I was desperate but it didn`t help since there was such an unqualified psychiatric nurse on the other side.

How is Buspirone working for you?

05/06/2015-05/21/2015 Zoloft C/T, 05/2015-08/2015 Clonazepam 2x0.5mg (reduced to 0 during one month), 05/2015-08/2015 Trazodone 150mg (last month 100mg, reduced to 0 during 7 days), 09/2015-07/2016 Clonazepam reinstated after one month off to 2x0.25mg (benzo free since July 28, 2016), 09/2016 Escitalopram 5mg (10 days), 10/2015-04/2016 Venlafaxine 150mg (3 months) 75mg (3 months) C/T, 01/2016-04/2016 Olanzapine 2.5mg C/T, 04/2016-05/2016 Lamictal 100mg (5 weeks, reduced to 0 during 7 days)), 08/02/2016-08/16/2016 Valdoxan 25mg C/T,

08/23/2016-09/21/2016 Venlafaxine 75 mg (reduced to 0 during 7 days),

07/27/2016-10/10/2016 Buspirone 3x5mg (Oct. 1-3; 5mg-2.5mg-2.5mg,)(Oct.4-5; 2.5mg-2.5mg-2.5mg)(Oct. 6-8; 2.5mg-2.5mg-0)(Oct. 9; 2.5mg-0-0),

10/25/2016 - reinstated Buspirone 3x5mg (Dec.13-19; 5mg-2.5mg-5mg) (Dec.19-Jan.1; 5mg, 2.5mg, 2.5mg) (Jan.2-11; 2.5mg, 2.5mg, 2.5mg) (Jan.2-19;1.67mg, 1.67mg, 1.67mg) (Jan.20-27; 0.83mg, 0.83mg, 0.83mg) (Jan.28-Feb.05; 1mg, 1mg)(Feb.6-0mg)

08/10/2016 - Mirtazapine 30mg (01/26/2017-02/19/2017, 27mg) (02/20/2017-03/05/2017, 25.5mg) (03/06/2017-03/12/2017, 24mg) (03/12/2017-03/19/2017, 23mg) (03/20/2017-04/02/2017, 22mg) (04/03/2017-04/16/2017, 21mg) (04/17/2017-05/12/2017, 20mg) (05/13/2017-05/22/2017, 19mg) (05/23/2017-06/09/2017, 18mg) (06/10/2017-06/16/2017, 17.5mg) (06/17/2017-06/23/2017, 17mg) (06/24/2017-06/30/2017, 16.5mg) (07/01/2017-07/14/2017, 16mg) (07/15/2017-07/23/2017, 15.5mg) (07/24/2017-08/31/2017, 15mg) (09/01/2017-09/10/2017, 14.5mg) (09/11/2017-09/30/2017, 14mg) (10/01/2017-10/26/2017, 13.5mg) (10/27/2017-11/04/2017, 13mg) (11/05/2017-11/18/2017, 12.5mg) (11/19/2017-12/08/2017, 12mg) (12/09/2017-12/15/2017, 11.75mg) (12/16/2017-12/28/2017, 11.5mg) (12/29/2017-01/11/2018, 11mg) (01/12/2018-01/25/2018, 10.5mg) (01/26/2018-02/08/2018, 10mg) (02/09/2018-02/22/2018, 9.5mg) (02/23/2018-03/08/2018, 9mg) (03/09/2018-03/22/2018, 8.5mg) (03/23/2018-04/05/2018, 8mg) (04/06/2018-04/27/2018, 7.5mg) (04/28/2018-05/05/2018, 7.13mg) (05/06/2018-05/17/2018, 7mg) (05/18/201/-05/31/2018, 6.5mg) (06/01/2018-06/14/2018, 6.25mg) (06/15/2018-06/24/2018, 6mg) (06/25/2018-06/30/2018, 5.67mg) (06/31/2018-07/09/2018, 5.5mg) (07/10/2018-07/16/2018, 5.33mg) (07/17/2018-07/23/2018, 5.16mg) (07/24/2018-07/31/2018, 5mg) (08/01/2018-08/14/2018, 4.75mg) (08/15/2018-09/14/2018, 4.50mg) (09/15/2018-10/14/2018, 4.00mg) (10/15/2018-11/26/2018, 3.50mg) (11/27/2018-01/05/2019, 3.0mg) (01/06/2019-01/16/2019, 2.5mg) (01/17/2019-02/08/2019, 2.25mg) (02/09/2019-02/22/2019, 2.13 mg) (02/23/2019-03/07/2019, 2.00 mg) (03/08/2019-04/01/2019, 1.67 mg) (04/02/2019-04/13/2019, 1.5 mg) (04/14/2019-04/26/2019, 1.33 mg) (04/27/2019-05/10/2019, 1.16 mg) (05/11/2019-05/23/2019, 1.0 mg) (05/24/2019-06/02/2019, 0.88 mg) (06/03/2019-06/13/2019, 0.75 mg) (06/14/2019-06/23/2019, 0.63 mg) (06/24/2019-07/03/2019, 0.50 mg) (07/04/2019-07/08/2019, 0.00 mg) (07/09/2019, 0.50 mg) (07/10/2019, 0.00 mg)

Psych drugs free since 10th July 2019.

 

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Aelius, that's great news you've had a window! Was that your first? I haven't had a 'full-blown' window. It seems I'm either in frantic dispair then that changes to a level more tolerable but still bad. So even my 'good' is still very very unpleasant right now. I've been in a bad streak the last few days. My ruminating and obsessive thoughts have taken over. This situation is all I can think about and I just want a break! I can't get 'out of my head' & it's so exhausting. Not to mention my 'automatic thoughts' have been so overwhelmingly negative & the anxiety feels very constant. I hope this let's up soon. Slept awful last night. Didn't fall asleep until 2 am & woke up 5 times with trouble falling back asleep.

 

It is hard being so young going through this. I've heard the younger you are the faster you heal, but I was put on ADs at such a young age (18) that I'm scared of what that might mean for me. Also hard watching all my friends go out, get careers, have fun and I feel so disconnected from everything. I feel like a zombie walking through a thick fog. I try to fake my way through conversations but they seem so meaningless to me. All my brain wants to think about is me me me me me. & I hate that. I wasn't ever self-centered before. I am really trying to fight it but everything I do seems so unnatural right now.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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Yes, it was my first better day since the end of October. My symptoms were still with me but much weaker than usual. However, no matter how I feel the dizziness sticks with me all the time. Reading your message sentence by sentence it seems like it was me who  wrote it about myself. I had a crisis two hours ago. I was reading a book, then watching a movie and the inner tension, anxiety, was so distressing that I couldn`t take it. I wanted to get well immediatelly. Not in three, six or more months from today but right now! I cried again. Feeling drunk while walking drives me mad. I can hardly believe it will ever go away. I`ve never had such intense anxiety in my life before comming off Buspirone. I want peace in my soul again. I regret that I didn`t taper Mirtazapine before Buspirone.

 

I don`t think you are self-centered. My dad`s cousin, who is my great supporter, told me many times that I should think about other people not only about myself. But it`s easier said than done. When you are in this state of mind, it`s almost impossible to think about anything else. I`m always looking for something how to distract from my symptoms. Wish I could read or watch TV without shaking and shivering. I don`t know what I`ll do tomorrow whole day.

 

My cousing has been taking ADs for 17 years, ever since she was 15. She hasn`t been harmed by psych meds for so many years unlike us being on them for way more shorter period of time.

I`m losing my friends because it`s difficult to have a normal conversation with them. I can`t pretend when I don`t feel comfortable.

 

Good thing is you have a fiancé. What does he think about your situation? I`m lonely, no girlfriend.

05/06/2015-05/21/2015 Zoloft C/T, 05/2015-08/2015 Clonazepam 2x0.5mg (reduced to 0 during one month), 05/2015-08/2015 Trazodone 150mg (last month 100mg, reduced to 0 during 7 days), 09/2015-07/2016 Clonazepam reinstated after one month off to 2x0.25mg (benzo free since July 28, 2016), 09/2016 Escitalopram 5mg (10 days), 10/2015-04/2016 Venlafaxine 150mg (3 months) 75mg (3 months) C/T, 01/2016-04/2016 Olanzapine 2.5mg C/T, 04/2016-05/2016 Lamictal 100mg (5 weeks, reduced to 0 during 7 days)), 08/02/2016-08/16/2016 Valdoxan 25mg C/T,

08/23/2016-09/21/2016 Venlafaxine 75 mg (reduced to 0 during 7 days),

07/27/2016-10/10/2016 Buspirone 3x5mg (Oct. 1-3; 5mg-2.5mg-2.5mg,)(Oct.4-5; 2.5mg-2.5mg-2.5mg)(Oct. 6-8; 2.5mg-2.5mg-0)(Oct. 9; 2.5mg-0-0),

10/25/2016 - reinstated Buspirone 3x5mg (Dec.13-19; 5mg-2.5mg-5mg) (Dec.19-Jan.1; 5mg, 2.5mg, 2.5mg) (Jan.2-11; 2.5mg, 2.5mg, 2.5mg) (Jan.2-19;1.67mg, 1.67mg, 1.67mg) (Jan.20-27; 0.83mg, 0.83mg, 0.83mg) (Jan.28-Feb.05; 1mg, 1mg)(Feb.6-0mg)

08/10/2016 - Mirtazapine 30mg (01/26/2017-02/19/2017, 27mg) (02/20/2017-03/05/2017, 25.5mg) (03/06/2017-03/12/2017, 24mg) (03/12/2017-03/19/2017, 23mg) (03/20/2017-04/02/2017, 22mg) (04/03/2017-04/16/2017, 21mg) (04/17/2017-05/12/2017, 20mg) (05/13/2017-05/22/2017, 19mg) (05/23/2017-06/09/2017, 18mg) (06/10/2017-06/16/2017, 17.5mg) (06/17/2017-06/23/2017, 17mg) (06/24/2017-06/30/2017, 16.5mg) (07/01/2017-07/14/2017, 16mg) (07/15/2017-07/23/2017, 15.5mg) (07/24/2017-08/31/2017, 15mg) (09/01/2017-09/10/2017, 14.5mg) (09/11/2017-09/30/2017, 14mg) (10/01/2017-10/26/2017, 13.5mg) (10/27/2017-11/04/2017, 13mg) (11/05/2017-11/18/2017, 12.5mg) (11/19/2017-12/08/2017, 12mg) (12/09/2017-12/15/2017, 11.75mg) (12/16/2017-12/28/2017, 11.5mg) (12/29/2017-01/11/2018, 11mg) (01/12/2018-01/25/2018, 10.5mg) (01/26/2018-02/08/2018, 10mg) (02/09/2018-02/22/2018, 9.5mg) (02/23/2018-03/08/2018, 9mg) (03/09/2018-03/22/2018, 8.5mg) (03/23/2018-04/05/2018, 8mg) (04/06/2018-04/27/2018, 7.5mg) (04/28/2018-05/05/2018, 7.13mg) (05/06/2018-05/17/2018, 7mg) (05/18/201/-05/31/2018, 6.5mg) (06/01/2018-06/14/2018, 6.25mg) (06/15/2018-06/24/2018, 6mg) (06/25/2018-06/30/2018, 5.67mg) (06/31/2018-07/09/2018, 5.5mg) (07/10/2018-07/16/2018, 5.33mg) (07/17/2018-07/23/2018, 5.16mg) (07/24/2018-07/31/2018, 5mg) (08/01/2018-08/14/2018, 4.75mg) (08/15/2018-09/14/2018, 4.50mg) (09/15/2018-10/14/2018, 4.00mg) (10/15/2018-11/26/2018, 3.50mg) (11/27/2018-01/05/2019, 3.0mg) (01/06/2019-01/16/2019, 2.5mg) (01/17/2019-02/08/2019, 2.25mg) (02/09/2019-02/22/2019, 2.13 mg) (02/23/2019-03/07/2019, 2.00 mg) (03/08/2019-04/01/2019, 1.67 mg) (04/02/2019-04/13/2019, 1.5 mg) (04/14/2019-04/26/2019, 1.33 mg) (04/27/2019-05/10/2019, 1.16 mg) (05/11/2019-05/23/2019, 1.0 mg) (05/24/2019-06/02/2019, 0.88 mg) (06/03/2019-06/13/2019, 0.75 mg) (06/14/2019-06/23/2019, 0.63 mg) (06/24/2019-07/03/2019, 0.50 mg) (07/04/2019-07/08/2019, 0.00 mg) (07/09/2019, 0.50 mg) (07/10/2019, 0.00 mg)

Psych drugs free since 10th July 2019.

 

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Sounds like everyone is really struggling. Last night my anxiety killed me and I barely slept, woke up constantly. Still having suicidal feelings like yesterday and it scares me so bad. We have to keep trying, no matter how hard it is. We just need to keep talking to each other for support.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

Link to comment

Trying to keep myself busy with housework, taking the Christmas tree down. I'll also have to go into town and get groceries (I live 15 miles out of a small town). It's so hard when feeling this way cause I get blinding fatigue doing things, but I just don't know what else to do with myself but try to keep on. I'm 51 days off ssri since my last adverse reaction. I can't believe it is still so bad. But I guess only like 2-3 weeks since I tried the lamictal for 4 days. My fiance's parents are coming over to visit today from out of town. I feel like I need to tell them what is going on with me so they don't find me rude and standoffish.

My fiancé believes what I'm going through but always says he doesn't know how to help. I don't know what I'd do without him. He tells me to try to stay busy to get my mind off of it. I know people don't understand, I would have never been able to understand if I wasn't thrown into it myself.

I'm going to try to go for a little walk and really try not to cry while his parents are here. I feel so out of it. Cmon brain.

 

Dez, if the suicidal thoughts are scaring you i believe it is just a manifestation of anxiety. I get horrible intrusive scary thoughts all the time. They aren't constant like they were a couple weeks ago but they are still very much around. I hate this symptom. When I was on AD I had a hard time thinking about abstract thoughts and basically just lived in the moment. Since my adverse reaction it was like all abstract thinking came flying at me and it just got worse each med I tried. Now I find it hard to live in the moment.

 

Aelius, I'm sorry you are struggling too. You had a window! Hang on to that. I have also been very uncoordinated and kind of stumble over my feet a lot. I don't feel very grounded much of the time and that life is just swirling around me and I can't catch up. Awful feelings.

 

Do you guys think I should count up from my last ssri experience or from since I stopped the lamictal that I tried?

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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Waiting,

 

I'm getting to keep busy as well but keep getting the right throat feeling like I'm going to freak out. I don't but the feeling is still there. I would try to talk to your fiance's parents but I don't know them well enough to anticipate a certain kind of response. Talk to your fiance about it and see what he thinks?

 

As for when you should start counting, that's also difficult to answer since each drug can cause issues. Perhaps figure out which drug caused what and go from there. Are the reactions to the lamictal fading fairly quickly or staying strong? These are questions I ask myself as well, the venlafaxine issues for me seem to be fading already, minus the anxiety.

 

Aelius, I just seen your post asking about Buspirone. I think it's helping? Hard to figure out with the reactions from Venlafaxine still there.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

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  • Administrator

I have a question for anyone out there. When I first quit Zoloft in 2015 I had brain zaps for maybe a month & that was it. Why would I be slammed with withdrawal symptoms exactly a year later? For the most part I don't remember feeling all that bad during my first year off, maybe a very low low level depression. I was still functioning but felt a lot of times that laughter was forced and did start taking naps almost everyday from fatigue. I just thought I was tired from working so hard. I did completely lose my sex drive on Zoloft in 2011, and if never came back after quitting but figured it was permanent. Maybe I was in Withdrawal the whole time without knowing it? Hmmm? I'm confused.

It was an exact year later after quitting ct that I was hit with dizziness, derealization, headaches etc...

 

It's also possible you took something like an antibiotic that can destabilize a fragile nervous system even months after apparently recovering from withdrawal.

 

To answer your question Altostrata, My p-doc put me on the normal starting dose of Lamictal at 25 mg telling me it was a tiny dose and that we would have aimed for 200mg. The burning skin and eyes/ fevers/ chills were way too freaky to me as i didn't want to chance Stevens Johnsons Syndrome. Also it seemed somewhat activating but I really couldn't tell because my anxiety symptoms were so bad before.

 

 

Do you have any lamotrigine left? 25mg might have been too much for you but 1mg or even .25mg might take the edge off your withdrawal symptoms.

 

With a prescription, a compounding pharmacy can make a liquid for you so you can take tiny amounts.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thanks alto, I did take antibiotics and pain meds for a bad ear infection I had awhile back and probably more antibiotics for other things but I don't remember. I also have a wisdom tooth that needs to come out but have been putting it off until I feel at least a little better.

 

I'm still in a really bad wave, it's awful. Anxious thoughts and lots of tears. I cried so hard tonight after my mom hung up on me because she didn't want to talk to me when I'm like this- she told me to call her when I'm in a better mood & I just broke down because I don't know when that better mood will come. Feeling really scared and sad. I'm assuming these are neuro-emotions. My concentration, appetite and sleep is all bad lately too. Just exhausted. Anyone have tips on what to do for distraction when your so on edge that you can't concentrate on even tv? I need something to help the days go by a faster and easier. I wish the brain could heal a little faster.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

Link to comment

I'm having a really hard time with the fear of going crazy. I just can't get out of my head and it freaks me out thinking the worst. That I'm going to actually have delusions or something worse. I'm so very scared today. I hate this obsessive mind set I'm in. I had 10 minutes or so when I woke up that things weren't so bad then it all hit me again. I feel very anxious, on edge and can't get my thoughts to calm down. I'm scared this isn't a wave but something worse. Can waves really push you to the brink of madness? I am not functioning today because I really can't think very clearly.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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Waiting,

 

Take a deep breath. It's going to be alright. You're not going crazy, just remember the neuro-emotions and how they can make you feel. This will pass in time. For now close your eyes and focus on your breathing, try to calm yourself and say that this is a symptom of withdrawal, it'll pass and you'll heal. Try pep talking yourself, even if you think you can't. Tell yourself positive things, hold something close to you that's precious or comfortable (I have animal plushies). It'll be alright! You might feel like you're going mad but your mind is just trying to heal and figure out where everything goes, like a rubix cube.

 

It will get better, just try to hang in there! I'm here for you!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

Link to comment

Hi all, I can relate to the feeling of hopelessness, anxiety, etc.  I am holding for a window, but it is really hard.  1 hour sleep last night.  Today zombie-like.  I too can't watch TV, listen to music with enjoyment, have no appetite. Son asked to go to friend's house, but can't take him.  Can't be a mother and wife like this.  Waiting, at least you are med free, hang on to that.  I am like this and I haven't even started tapering!

 

Aelius, I know about feeling drunk while walking ... and Dez, hang in there.  It has to get better.  I tell myself that it can't get worse ...

 

Hope this new year is a healing one for us all!

PAST

Gabapentin:  about 6 months in 2015, 300-900 mg, cold turkeyed Sept 2015 (at same time dc'd Klonopin)

Klonopin: June 2014- Sept 2015; 1mg tapered over 6 mths, dc'd at 0.25mg, withdrawal hellish (perhaps because of concurrent dc of gabapentin)

Mirtazepine: Jumped off at 2.4 mg. (stable in 8 months).

Seroquel:  June 14 - July 24, 2016, 25 mg alternate nights; smaller doses for shorter periods. Total use about 3 months 

Lamictal: March 19, 2018 - 1 mg; March 23 - 1.25 mg; April 6 - 2mg. Discontinued at 2 mgJuly 1, 2018 due to Steven Johnson Syndrome.

 

CURRENT

Supplements: Vit D, turmeric

Naturethroid: 65 mcg for hypothyroidism

Trazodone: Oct 2015 - June 2016; 75 mg tapered over 2 mths, intense w/d after 3 weeks. Reinstatement: 07/25/16 - 25 mg; updosed 08/03/16 - 50 mg;  10/01/16-  62mg; 03/24/17 dropped to 50 mg (stable in 2.5 months)

                           Current psych meds: Trazodone 50 mg

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Thanks guys, it's so hard today. My fiancé didn't have to work today because we had a bad storm. Trying to keep myself busy with shoveling snow and I'm going to run to town with him to do some errands. It seems no matter what I'm doing I'm just ruminating constantly. I just want a break from the anxiety. This is so hard. He assures me I'm not going crazy. I'm acting completely normal on the outside but feels like complete chaos in my mind. Please let me have a window soon. I've never felt terror like this before the meds.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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Waiting,

 

You give me strength, you know? I'll try to go out in town today, too.

 

I hope you'll stay warm in all that snow! The storm we got here was nothing but rain, lightning, and thunder. Keeping yourself busy seems to help and I'm glad you have a supportive fiance. Stay strong, you can do it! I have faith in you!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

Link to comment

Thanks Dez, I'm still having a hard time. I saw on your post you are in a window- that is SO good! I hope it lasts long and gives you strength & clarity.

 

Anyone else's waves feel like one big long constant panic attack? That is the only way I can describe them. It's like I'm in a panic that doesn't end for however length of time and it's excruciating. Is alcohol a big no no? I've been thinking if I had a beer if I could calm a little. Doing constant self talk waiting for this awful wave to go. Slowly made it through another day. Also can a deep tissue massage trigger a wave? I had one the night before this awful wave came. Idk if I want to know the answer. I don't want to be afraid of getting massages because it relaxed me so much at the time. Needing strength until this passes. My windows are not good windows yet but at least I can eat and sleep. This is just awful.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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Waiting,

 

Windows and waves are different for each individual. Like mine today is dropping into a wave at night, which is the complete opposite of what it was before. I wouldn't risk the alcohol, it might make things worse! Perhaps St John's Wort? I'd look into it first before trying. It might relax you a bit, it might make it worse. There's a lot of people saying supplements are working for them but it doesn't for others.

 

It's possible the massage got you through your anxiety but I don't think it caused you to have a bad day. Might want to do another and see what happens?

 

I know how you feel, this situation is scary. There's this huge debate in my head of should the Buspirone be tapered now so that I don't take it longer or should I wait? Is it worth the risk? I get these jolts of panic in my chest even on good days that can send me into a dark place. I don't want those suicidal feelings to come back.

 

But we have to stay strong! We have to! Life will come back, it will get better! One day at a time! A couple hours at a time! We WILL get through this, Waiting!!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dez & Waiting -- substances like St. Johns Wort and alcohol (beer, wine, spirits) are neuro-active and not a good idea when tapering and/or dealing with withdrawal symptoms. Tapering is intentional destabilization of the CNS (central nervous system), hopefully at a rate slow enough not to trigger symptoms. Symptoms can be viewed as indications of a destabilized CNS.

 

Adding neuroactive substances to a CNS is destabilizing -- very risky when you are already destabilized or in a controlled process of destabilization.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Thank you, scallywag!

 

Do you know of any other supplements to avoid? I had no idea that done did that kind of thing!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

Link to comment

The last 5 days have been so so so hard. But today I had a 2 hour window. My mood lifted a teeny bit, the constant self talk/ruminating was gone and was able to take an hour nap. The anxiety was still with me but I felt slightly more comfortable. The anxiety kind of changed into a weird restless feeling that I didn't like because it was new. Maybe like a low level excitement or something. Idk I guess anxiety is anxiety any way it manifests- it was uncomfortable. I haven't taken a nap during the day in over a month. After my nap now everything is back and it sucks. Feeling really heavy, lethargic and exhausted on top of it. I think I'm getting agoraphobic but could just be that I'm having a tough week. Tv is still too stimulating for me. Last night my fiancé and I were going to watch the movie dead pool. I had to have him turn it off after about 10 minutes It was just too much.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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Come to think of it, I had an ensure plus today (meal supplement drink with a bunch of vitamins in it) I haven't had one for a couple weeks but I'm losing weight again during this bad spell so I was going to start drinking them again. Could this have made me feel restless? It has niacin and all sorts of other vitamins that maybe I'm sensitive to right now. I just don't know how to get the calories in.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

Link to comment

Waiting,

 

It'll be alright. You got a window! Even if it was just a short while, you got one, a sign that you're healing.

 

Have you tried turning the TV volume down and watching it that way? Our messing with the brightness setting and darkening it a bit? It might help a bit so you will have something to distract you. I think Dead Pool would have been way too much for you during this. I've had that watching violence will make anxiety worse. Have you tried watching something happier, brighter?

 

I'm not sure if the ensure plus was it but it definitely could have been, especially if you're sensitive to foods or supplements. I've been too scared to try the fish oil and vitamin E I got, even though it's much lower than what people on here recommend.

 

Have you tried food that's easy on the stomach, like yogurt, gentle fruits, white rice? I generally eat a mix of white rice with broth mixed in just to get something on my stomach. It's called Zōsui, similar to vegetable soup but with lots of rice. Things can be added or taken away depending on how your stomach feels. There are recipes online, but I just used bullion cubes in water and rice if I feel real sick. I hope this helps and hang in there! It's so hard to believe right now, but it will get better! I believe in you!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

Link to comment

Thanks Dez,

Yeah I usually just have it on in the background but am not interested in storylines of even happy shows. Every morning I make myself a fruit smoothie and two eggs and once I get that down I haven't wanted anything all day- I've been just trying to get in high calorie food right now like avocados, peanut butter. I had some wonton soup yesterday and that was easy. Also yogurt milk and cheese. Basically a lot of dairy and fruit I guess. I can't wait to get some sort of appetite back. I think I'm going to stay away from ensure for now. That restless feeling brought back memories of my akathisia I had on 3 different meds and that was a nightmare. I'm still feeling a bit restless now but not as bad. I've also been dizzy while trying to fall asleep- feels a bit like I'm swinging. Small window and got some sleep so shouldn't complain but I feel awful tonight. Sick of being sick. But as long as this slowly gets better....my days I'm rather isolated which is hard & long and probably unhealthy but I don't really want to be around anyone either because I need the quiet and calm. A catch 22 I guess.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

Link to comment

You're welcome, Waiting.

 

Go by what your body is telling you. I've been getting out lately because I have to help my mother but it is very hard. Do try to move around at home or even get outside your house a short while and take it slowly if you have to, no hurry and no big steps. You're doing pretty good so far!

 

It is getting better, just try to be patient. Eventually you'll see a larger window and more will come in the future, it's the process of waves and windows healing. You're doing great so far, hanging in there and staying strong. Keep going! You've got this! I'll do my best to support you, even if all I can do is give encouraging words. You're never alone in this.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

Link to comment

Thank you so much, i haven't been getting in my daily walks because it's -30 here this week and that is just too cold. In a few days it's supposed to warm up to at least 0 degrees and I'll get more activity. I wish I could be more supportive to you but I will in time. Good luck with your appointment. I've been meaning to email my pdoc but don't really know what to say yet. Now I'm starting to doubt that window and think maybe the vitamin drink just made me sleepy & restless. Either way whatever. I'm too exhausted to care tonight. Better days are ahead. I wish I could get this nervousness and panic feelings under control but you are right, no big steps. I'm almost at 2 months since an SSRI. We're in this together.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

Link to comment

Wow that's cold! I've never seen snow. Lived in Florida most my life and now southern Alabama, so no snow. Please stay warm!!

 

Thank you for the well wishes. And you do support me, so no worries!

 

Don't doubt your windows! Sometimes they don't last long, sometimes they do. You had a window and you will get another <3

 

Together we will get through this!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Come to think of it, I had an ensure plus today (meal supplement drink with a bunch of vitamins in it) I haven't had one for a couple weeks but I'm losing weight again during this bad spell so I was going to start drinking them again. Could this have made me feel restless? It has niacin and all sorts of other vitamins that maybe I'm sensitive to right now. I just don't know how to get the calories in.

 

It's possible that the B vitamins "fortifying" Ensure could cause stimulating symptoms such as restlessness.  I don't know which meal supplement/replacement products wouldn't have them. 

 

Maybe someone else can share what they've learned. If not, maybe you'll do some research and post what you've found.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Hi Waiting,

 

My heart goes out to you and I'm so sorry that you are going through such hell. I too have tried coming of various SSRI and SNRIs (EFFexor, Lexapro) but have found it excruciatingly horrible. One of those times the doctors tried to reinstate the antidepressant after I had stopped for about 3 months, but I had a terrible reaction to them and for the next 4 months, I thought I was going to die I was so sick, in and out of hospital, unable to get out of bed and I went to a place I can only describe as "below hell'. 

Anyway, one Pdoc suggested ECT and although I was scared out of my brain, I agreed because I simply couldn't endure the horror anymore. The ECT was amazing, I felt so good straight away, as soon as I woke up from the anaesthetic.  This may sound a bit too dramatic but It was like a miracle. It had re-set my brain. 

 

This treatment worked wonders for me but unfortunately my Pdoc put me straight back onto Effexor in order to prevent relapse. This was not the best thing for me because eventually I've ended up on the same old withdrawal treadmill/cycle. I think my body is too sensitive to drugs of this type. So now I'm 7 weeks off Prisiq (SNRI) and wanting to have another round of ECT treatment. 

I would definitely consider it as it looks like you may be over-sensitive to psychotropic medicine.  Read into it, look online and ask as many people as you can about it. For me it is a much less dangerous treatment than long term medication. 

 

Much love and courage to you dear girl.

About 20 years on SSRIs and SNRIs since 1995. Was diagnosed with 'Post Natal Depression' after suffering from extreme fatigue. I was not depressed or anxious.

Tried about 5 times to stop due to intolerable side effects (uncontrollable rage, impulsivity, detached emotions, memory loss, slow reactions and lowered intellectual ability) but unable to due to extreme withdrawal symptoms. 

Had ECT therapy in 2009 after reinstating of Effexor and many other ADs failed.

ECT great success but Pdoc prescribed Effexor again to prevent relapse.

Effexor for two years after having ECT therapy. 

Tried to withdraw form Effexor again 2010 but aborted due to the death of my father  and withdrawal symptoms unbearable with grief.

Recently on Pristiq 100 for 5 years.
Jan 2017 Have been tapering over ONE YEAR from Pristiq and have now completely stopped for 7 weeks. Experiencing severe waves of melancholia and anxiety.

Would like more ECT. Feel that my body is over sensitive to SSRI and SNRI meds.

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Thanks scallywag, I'll try to avoid it and eat high calorie foods. Today was hard though, physically gagging while eating.

 

Thanks for the info pink slippers, that sounds way too extreme for me. Idk if it that or more for depression. I think my anxiety causes my helplessness or idk this whole chemical thing is confusing.

 

My dad has been wanting me to contact a litigation firm for people who have been adversely affected by ssris. I told him there's no way we would ever have money to go against these big companies. Also, I am not even well enough to state my case. I also told him if I won $1000000 that doesn't fix anything. I just want to be better and money doesn't fix that. Has anyone explored this idea?

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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Thanks scallywag, I'll try to avoid it and eat high calorie foods. Today was hard though, physically gagging while eating.

 

Thanks for the info pink slippers, that sounds way too extreme for me. Idk if it that or more for depression. I think my anxiety causes my helplessness or idk this whole chemical thing is confusing.

 

My dad has been wanting me to contact a litigation firm for people who have been adversely affected by ssris. I told him there's no way we would ever have money to go against these big companies. Also, I am not even well enough to state my case. I also told him if I won $1000000 that doesn't fix anything. I just want to be better and money doesn't fix that. Has anyone explored this idea?

 

Your welcome Waiting :) . Hang in there, it will gradually get easier.

My problem is also basically extreme anxiety caused by the withdrawal.  I know that ECT is more for depression but it really helped my anxiety. I understand it is very extreme but I wouldn't have had it if I knew how wonderful it had been for my mother who suffered extreme anxiety and depression after her marriage broke down when I was little. 

 

Hugs and love

About 20 years on SSRIs and SNRIs since 1995. Was diagnosed with 'Post Natal Depression' after suffering from extreme fatigue. I was not depressed or anxious.

Tried about 5 times to stop due to intolerable side effects (uncontrollable rage, impulsivity, detached emotions, memory loss, slow reactions and lowered intellectual ability) but unable to due to extreme withdrawal symptoms. 

Had ECT therapy in 2009 after reinstating of Effexor and many other ADs failed.

ECT great success but Pdoc prescribed Effexor again to prevent relapse.

Effexor for two years after having ECT therapy. 

Tried to withdraw form Effexor again 2010 but aborted due to the death of my father  and withdrawal symptoms unbearable with grief.

Recently on Pristiq 100 for 5 years.
Jan 2017 Have been tapering over ONE YEAR from Pristiq and have now completely stopped for 7 weeks. Experiencing severe waves of melancholia and anxiety.

Would like more ECT. Feel that my body is over sensitive to SSRI and SNRI meds.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

There are many protein powders that don't have vitamins added. You could add that to your smoothies being sure to add some fat -- whole fat yogurt, coconut oil, a nut oil, cream.

 

There *may* be meal replacement products that have few to no vitamins added. I can't make any suggestions because I'm not familiar with the products.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Thanks scally wag I'll look into that. I had 2 windows yesterday. One was an hour and one was 2 hours. I was still very fatigued and felt like I couldn't move but the anxiety was minimal and I even smiled and giggled a little with my fiancé. It was weird I haven't giggled in months. Something is happening up there. My main problem is the anxiety too and it makes me extremely introverted. I have constant self talk. Like I'm kind of stuck in my thoughts and not in the moment. That was gone for an hour yesterday and I was able to take a nap, but it was back when I woke up. I really hope this symptom can go soon and have a more quiet brain.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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Waiting, I've been reading your story, and am so happy for you to have the windows!  Please, be very mindful of these because you will need the strength when the inevitable wave comes.

 

You are healing, off the drugs.  It will get better.  

PAST

Gabapentin:  about 6 months in 2015, 300-900 mg, cold turkeyed Sept 2015 (at same time dc'd Klonopin)

Klonopin: June 2014- Sept 2015; 1mg tapered over 6 mths, dc'd at 0.25mg, withdrawal hellish (perhaps because of concurrent dc of gabapentin)

Mirtazepine: Jumped off at 2.4 mg. (stable in 8 months).

Seroquel:  June 14 - July 24, 2016, 25 mg alternate nights; smaller doses for shorter periods. Total use about 3 months 

Lamictal: March 19, 2018 - 1 mg; March 23 - 1.25 mg; April 6 - 2mg. Discontinued at 2 mgJuly 1, 2018 due to Steven Johnson Syndrome.

 

CURRENT

Supplements: Vit D, turmeric

Naturethroid: 65 mcg for hypothyroidism

Trazodone: Oct 2015 - June 2016; 75 mg tapered over 2 mths, intense w/d after 3 weeks. Reinstatement: 07/25/16 - 25 mg; updosed 08/03/16 - 50 mg;  10/01/16-  62mg; 03/24/17 dropped to 50 mg (stable in 2.5 months)

                           Current psych meds: Trazodone 50 mg

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Hello Waiting. I wanted to stop by since you visited my journal. Your story is soooo similar to mine and I can identify very well with all of your symptoms. The only thing that stands out as being very different is that I took 4 years to taper the last drug I got thrown at me wheras you just stopped.

 

I hope you find it comforting to know that those endless days of irrational terror, anxiousness,and the intense DR (derealization) are almost hard for me to recall. Eventually the windows got longer and the waves got smaller and (for me) 18 months later I never again had akathesia or that hideous terrified feeling again. Even now, years later, its never returned. I still have effects and waves now, but I only feel slightly depressed, milder DR than I used to and anxious in the morning and then some neuro emotions and very irritable (which ties in with my menstrual cycle mainly). I used to break my day into pieces, knowing the worst passed by 11am or so, the afternoon was another hurdle and things peaked around 3-4pm, and after that it got better and evenings were always more tolerable. I kept busy as much as possible, I was a stay at home mom at the time and my kids went to school so I tried to run errands and leave the house as much as possible, it helped to keep my mind off the horrible thoughts.

 

It will get better, its all temporary and amazingly the brain can function normally again despite the tidal waves of madness that crash through it. It will get better, its slow and unpredictable but it happens.

Edited by scallywag
added lines at paragraph breaks

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

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And I want to add that if I had just stopped Paxil (which was the final drug my doctors tried) I might have recovered quicker. Tapering was probably not a bad idea as it kept my symptoms milder, however it may have prolonged them for the duration of the taper (which I finished 6 months ago). When I say I felt a huge shift in symptoms at around 18 months, I'm referring to 18 months after my initial reaction/crash to my initial medication, about 18 months after I stopped changing doses/meds and leaving things alone. I didnt even take supplements. Everyone is different but I have been reading for years and have seen a trend, people all turn a corner at some point within that year or so and after that it gets much easier. And of course there are windows along the way to give you hope!!

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

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