I need to share this somewhere, so I'm choosing here, hopefully you can understand.
Because of what's happened to me over the last 7 years (initially suffering from low mood, then the dreaded Olanzapine and it took me ages to realise that the drug was 'keeping me depressed'). My mum is choosing to blame me for everything: her low mood, her marriage failing.
Because I first suffered at 22 I had nowhere else but my parents house to Live. And because of the consequent 'drugging' I haven't been able to move out and crack on with my life (this drug evacuates my motivation and interests and leaves me a blank body).
What's so sad is now I'm 2/3 rd's of the way through my withdrawal I need support now, I just need a bit of stability so I can finish the taper and move on. But it's now, when I'm vulnerable, that she's choosing to try to kick me out the house because she feels I have a chronic mental Illness called depression that I'm not choosing to beat. We see a totally different picture of what's wrong.
The future is very uncertain right now. If my parents do split up, I'm hoping my Dad will have me to stay whilst I finish the taper. The idea of trying to find a new place to live and all the hassle that comes with that whilst I'm trying to finish my taper, is very daunting. As we know, if the Withdrawals kick in life suddenly gets very difficult.
I went to visit the a therapeutic community in London today, where you can apply for housing benefit and stay for a while. Perhaps I need to accept the toxicity of the relationship with my parents and live in these extremely humble surroundings and try to finish my taper there. Although it would be extremely basic and definitely not an ideal place to withdraw.
Sorry for the long post. I just feel very alone, apart from the online community nobody I know really understands what I'm going through.
One more kick in the teeth, it looks like I now have to even give up decaf drinks. My CNS appears to be incredibly sensitive from the Olanzapine and even a decaf coffee is giving my akathesia.
Thanks for reading
Edited by scallywag, 30 March 2017 - 05:59 PM.
added extra lines at paragraph breaks