MaizeNblue81: Tapering Zoloft during severe acute Xanax WD

June 2, 2017

So what's the weather like where you are?

It's the beginning of winter here now. It's sunny but it's not very warm. And the nights and mornings are getting colder too. We don't get snow where I live but in the middle of winter we can get a lot of frost. At least my car is in the garage now so I won't have to get the ice off it in a morning.

June 3, 2017

Ok just was able to read these last few messages had a rough night again last night a was all I could do to make it through work today and make it back home between this wave of severe WD symptoms and now this absest tooth I'm really struggling to say the least.

First I'm not self absorbed I'm just having a hard time and what I'm going through no human being should ever have to endure and this wave or uptick in both the physical and emotional symptoms is truly that drastic of a change and has been like I took 10 steps backwards after 7 months and I've never been through this before and never imagined I would ever face anything like this in my life and it is very scary and like I said it's been so severe that the reason I mention my symptoms is to get help to find out if it's normal to have this drastic of a wave this far out to find out is this benzo WD, Zoloft or what I'm doing wrong and what to do about it cause it literally feels like I've taking 10 steps back and not forward and before 3 weeks ago I was coping it was bad but I was hanging in their the best I could but this wave has left me hanging on by a thread and I feel like I'm losing mind on top of the physical symptoms that were so bad before.

I can say with all my heart I am very thankful for all the help and support I get here and that their is a sight like this where people who are so unfortunate to have gone through this or are going through this can come and know they are not alone and what they are going through is horrible but their is still hope because this is truly a horrific experience and I know from personal experience the doctors turn their back on you look at you like your crazy and just want to push more drugs on you because they themselves have no clue about what these drugs do to people long term as far as the side effects or long term WD from these drugs and when it gets this bad they don't even want to acknowledge or give way to the facts that these drugs are poison and destroy people's lives and they do more harm than good 90% of the time and on top of that you really do find out about the people around you and who really lives you because I've had everyone in my life give up on me and abandon me other than my mother most recently which hasn't helped my situation my ex who I had been seeing for the last 3 months basically told me she couldn't and did not want to deal with me with what I'm going through and walked away again like I was a disease to get ride of. So I know what it's like to feel alone and be tormented and tortured ok a daily basis and have everyone you thought that loved you walk out because of something you couldn't control and they didn't understand.

And I say that to say this if I survive this I can promise I will never turn anyone away or refuse to help anyone that is or will ever go through what I'm going through now and I will do whatever I can to help anyone that needs it because I know how scary, miserable and very lonely this is and can be and the hopelessness that this situation brings.

So I can say with all my heart thank you Ms Chessie Cat and anyone else that has helped me and puts up with me because if you gave up on me I would have no one and I don't think I would survive this on my own.

June 3, 2017

Ms Cat I'm in the southern part of the United States and it's getting warm here as it's almost summer so about to get very hot were I'm at and the cold days are all but gone here.

Thank you again Ms Cat for all your help and know that I'm not ignoring or unappreciative of any of it I'm just really trying to hang on and make sense of why these symptoms have become so much more severe and 3 weeks ago incould have said the physical symptoms like the head pressure were the worst but now not only have they increased and I would say tripled the emotional symptoms have changed and become so much more severe as well and it's hard to think as I have literally no cognitive ability since this wave and I'm trying to read and take in all your post and I think you very much for spending time with and taking the time to write to me.

June 3, 2017

Thank you for answering my question about the weather.

I'm going to be honest and explain that I've been trying to help you learn to get your mind off your symptoms by asking questions.

I realised that the list of questions was probably overwhelming which is why I asked only about the movie.

When I asked whether your daughter enjoyed it you told me she did and also gave me the details about who else saw it too, which was good. BUT you still wrote about yourself and how you were affected.

You answered my question about the weather and gave me some details BUT you also posted about your symptoms. You had already posted about your symptoms in the post made only 5 minutes before. It was not necessary or helpful to mention them again in the post about the weather.

I've also given you information about the graduated cylinder. On both occasions you didn't even bother to acknowledge that I had provided the information. I'm only mentioning about my post to you BUT the other mods on many occasions have also provided information and suggestions and they have also not been acknowledged.

Being thanked is nice. BUT we want you to try some of the suggestions. Many members have found ways to help them cope with their symptoms. It doesn't make their symptoms disappear but by taking their mind off their symptoms it means that they are not stressing over them as much. Stress slows healing.

I've been fortunate to be experiencing only mild symptoms with my taper. However there are times when I have to use non drug techniques. For example, I sometimes wake up during the night and have the feeling that I want to jump out of my skin. It is scary but I remind myself that it is withdrawal. The thing that helps me is sleeping with a furry teddy bear (I'm 59 years old!) who has short fur on his paws and beads in his bottom. Whenever I get this feeling I play with his fur or the beads. The different textures help to divert my thinking and I also try and concentrate on my breathing and tell myself that I am okay. It's called self soothing. I even took him with me when I to stay at my daughter's for a week last year.

I'm not suggesting that you sleep with a teddy bear. I just wanted to give you an example of how using a non drug technique has helped me.

June 3, 2017

Yes ma'am I'm sorry I guess it's habit with my symptoms and I guess it's my brain trying to make since of what is happening to me and trying to figure out what's causing this wave or increase in symptoms whether is benzo WD or Zoloft or what? It's like just trying to figure out why so bad after so long and what's the cause of this and trying to stay sain and tell myself it will get better and I'm not going crazy and I'm not gonna die.

It's hard for my brain to believe any of that though because of how bad it's been and how long I've already been going through this. I do think the Zoloft has complicated my WD from benzos and delayed my healing but what do I do? I've already been on it 7 months now and I can't seem to get stable enough to drop again.

The cylinder I talked to my mom today about and she is gonna help me trying and either find one online or at wal mart or somewhere so I can fix that part of it cause my brain can't focus long enough to even figure out what a graduated cylinder is or where to find one but thankfully my mom is gonna help.

As far as the non drug technique I do use the breathing and try to distract my self and tell myself I'm gonna be ok and I use the campfire utube video to sleep at night that mamma p sent me to sleep so I am listening and I am trying these suggestions and again it's not that I'm not greatful for all the support and I am listening and trying the suggestions but it's so hard to do anything as severe as these symptoms are and as bad and as much as they have changed over the last 3 weeks and I guess I keep posting about them or asking about them cause they are that bad and I'm just worried scared and don't understand an my brain is trying to figure what to do or what's the cause of all this.

But I am gonna work on getting that cylinder this weekend with my moms help and remeasure the Zoloft again to see where I'm at but honestly do you think I should drop right now with it being this bad and with me having to take the antibiotics for my tooth?

But then again if the Zoloft is making all this worse on top of benzo WD I don't guess I'm helping the situation by staying on it so I don't know what To do?

June 3, 2017

First things first. Once you have got a graduated cylinder then we can work out if it's time to make a reduction.

June 3, 2017

Ok I will hopefully get that done Sunday Ms Cat.

June 3, 2017

HI Mazie,

I'm sorry you are suffering so. You may never be able to figure out if your agony is caused by the benzo WD or Zoloft. I suspect that you want to figure it out because you believe if you do you can fix it. I was lucky enough that I knew that what was causing my physical symptoms was due to WD from Zoloft, however even knowing, I still couldn't fix it right away. I kept asking over and over what I should do to fix it. I wanted very specific instructions from the people here on this site as to what to do and how long it would take to get better. I was desperate. They were able to give good suggestions but much to my dismay there was no set path for me or guarantees as to how long it would take for relief. I hear your pain, I do hear it. I feel for you. Here are few things I tried while I was suffering. One of the things I did to try and relieve the physical pain was to take a lot of hot baths with Epsom salt. The relief was only partial and only lasted while I was in the bath but any relief was better than none. I must have taken 15 baths a day. I felt that if I could get any amount of relief for even 5 or 10 minutes it was worth it. I also watched a lot of youtube meditation videos. It didn't help a lot, but it did help a little bit. I felt if I could take the pain down even just a few notches or distract myself for a few minutes it was worth it. I also listened to soothing music very quietly. You might want to try some of the little things that helped me, you might not, you might want to try some of the other suggestions you have been given. I felt the moderators here gave me a lot of good tips and were very supportive. I know you will eventually get relief but let's hope for that relief as soon as possible. I will be watching your posts.

RS

June 3, 2017

Thank you Ms Rachel for your post it means a lot to me for any support or help I can get.

And your right I don't mean to upset anyone and it's exactly as you describe my brain is why and what can I do to fix it and it's hard to focus on anything else when your suffering so much especially the last 3 weeks have been very challenging on top of what I've already been through the last 7 months since I've been off.

And I was crazy and didn't know what I know now and let the doctors put me on Zoloft and it was a horrible choice I know now trusting doctors and family thanking they had my best in mind but here I am and I don't know if it's Zoloft or benzo WD that has caused this massive wave or uptick in my condition but I can say with certainty Zoloft has only made my situation worse and not better

June 3, 2017

For anyone who comes across Maize's thread or is offering advice on his situation:

His situation is an example of why we plead with people who cold turkeyed their drug or rushed their taper to reinstate. Withdrawal involves brutal symptoms which can make one unable to carry on with normal everyday life for quite a long time. Withdrawal doesn't care that we have children to support, mortgages to pay, etc.

An informed decision about not reinstating should involve understanding this. As Maize is finding out it can last for years and not months let alone weeks.

People who still choose not to reinstate have to prepare for significant life style changes and learning coping skills to be able to survive horrible mental and physical suffering.

I don't think fiddling with the drug Maize is still taking will make him feel better. Bear in mind that for over 2 months now he has been doing a job which he described as follows:

As far as pushing through I realized yesterday I can not handle the stress and physical requirements of the first interview which was the service manager position. It would be good money and something I know I would enjoy but I don't think my brain or my body can handle that right now.

I know I need to get to the doctor and I want to be able to work. I have 3 kids and have already been out of work for over a year but how am I gonna do that with these symptoms continually getting worse?

I've excepted the job as the service manager at a retail automotive facility here in town but I honestly don't know if I can do it or sustain the job that requires 10-12 hours a day and a faced paced invoirenment without getting worse?

Unfortunately he did get worse. He mentioned it several times that he was gong to look for a slower paced job. This is what I would focus all my efforts on now. Not fiddling with the drug. Even coping skills can't help all that much when we push ourselves way beyond our brains can deal with.

Not many of us here are working, let alone for 10-12 hours per day!

The only thing that I don't understand is why Maize repeats he doesn't understand why he is feeling worse (he was well aware of that possibility back in March).

June 4, 2017

Mr Bubble your right about some of the things you said in your last post but it's not telling the whole story in my case and in my situation.

First I did not have this site or all the information that I have now even going back to last may when all this started or when I went into the hospital last October or even the fall of 2015 when I came off of Prozac which lead to WD finally hitting me in march of 2016 and lead me to the ER several times for panic attacks and back to the doctor where xanex came into play and the roller coaster of drugs and suffering since.

I originally started AD back in 2012 with Zoloft then switched to Prozac in the fall of 2013 when Zoloft stopped working the first time and then in the fall of 2015 came off of it at 40mg not knowing anything about the long term effects of these drugs or WD or the fact that Prozac has a long half life which is why it took 5 months to finally catch up with me or the dangers of trying to reinstate and the process of kindling and the dangers of poly drugging which is what lead me to the ER and eventually back to the doctor in may of last year and then I certainly did not know the dangers of Xanex or benzos and what they could really do to people and the severe problems they could cause and then tried to manage the xanex as it was to be a temporary solution only as I got re stabilized on ADs again tried Prozac again that didn't work, then there was the nightmare that was lexapro and that was a 3 month horrific experience that was 6 weeks on the drug and another 6 weeks of WD after that and the whole time all I knew was the xanex was helping me get through all this and I was told that 1mg -1.5mg was a low dose and that as long as you didn't exceed that you were ok and that you didn't run into any problems until 4-6mg and this was coming from doctors and my sister which had been on Xanex for 8 years for anxiety and panic attacks and never had much problem so I trusted them and it just goes to show what works for some doesn't work for others and these doctors who are sapsost to know what they are doing and we are to trust honestly don't have any clue about the drugs they are prescribing and how the side effects and the WD process fork these poisons can literally destroy People's lives and I think they really don't care.

But by the time I realized what the xanex was doing to me and the fallout from going on and off these other drugs it was too late the damage was done and I've been suffering ever since because of my ignorance and the so called help of the people who are the professionals or mental health professionals not doing me any favors cause it got to the point I had to start doing my own research and talking to other people who had suffered like me and again by the time I realized what was happening it was too late. The doctors looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to explain what was happening to me and it was so to the medicine they were prescribing me and just wanted to up the dose or put me on more meds and my family just looked at me like I was crazy and needed to yo the dose or try another med which has all led me to this point and I've had to find out the hard way about these drugs and yes doctors are there as long as you don't have any problems but as soon as you start having major issues with these drugs they don't have the answers other than more drugs and want to deny these drugs can be causing your suffering and don't want to deal with you anymore.

So I haven't had much support and I didn't know the dangers of these drugs and as far as coming off the Xanex CT I had no choice as I developed what I know now was severe tolerance WD which was producing severe drug induced symptoms and it got so bad my family gave me no choice but to go to the hospital because of my mental and physical state as I was had been trying to taper off it when I realized what was happening and found Benzo Buddies and they told me with my symptoms about tolerance WD drug induced symptoms and poly drugging I was so scared and tried to do everything they asked me to do with no support from doctors or my family I was on my own and the damage had been done and it got so bad my family rushed me to the ER and gave me no choice but to stay and mom didn't I understand or know what to do but she had been their the whole time and knew and saw the change in me since I started taking Xanex and all she knew was that drug was killing me and wanted me off it.

Then when I was in the hospital at the best or saposedly hospital in my area for psychological issues basically laughed at me and told me I was crazy that xanex could not be causing the issues and symptoms I had developed and I even opened up and told them everything and all the drugs I had taking for my anxiety since 2012 everything that had happened since may of 2016 the xanex trying to reinstate on a AD after coming off Prozac in the fall of 2015 all my history all my symptoms even the physical and especially the thoughts and the mental aspect which is what forced me to go because I was having serve SU/HM ideation and thoughts of hurting others that I had never had before these drugs especially xanex told them all about the severe burning pressure and physical pain in my brain all of it that started when I started tapering the drug and got from 1.25mg down to .75mg but the tolerance WD was so horrible and the symptoms so severe it was too late and my family gave me no choice.

Long story short there is my family and the doctors in the psychological unit didn't believe my symptoms were benzo WD or kindling or tolerance WD or poly drugging which were all things I didn't understand either but I was learning about and having to face and I trusted those doctors who were saposed to be the best to help me and all they did was look at me like I was crazy and five me to take more drugs and I honestly believe they weren't gonna let me out of there unless I did so I trusted them they put me on Zoloft and took me completely off xanex and I was in there for two weeks and it was a horrible and very scary situation and came out no better than when I went in.

When I came out I literally did not leave my house or so much of anything but lay here in this bed and pace and cry and suffer for 5 months from The end of October until the end of March this house was like a tomb to me filled with nothing but pain and suffering 24/7 between the severe acute WD from xanex and whatever side effects the Zoloft was causing then was horrible and I did good to even get out of my bed and spent many nights in this bed on the floor or out on my porch just crying asking God to please have mercy on me.

At the end of march I was still suffering horribly and the pacing laying around crying begging God to help me had gotten so bad and I had suffered so long ami had to do something and at least try to do something else and I have 3 girls to take care of and a mom and dad who couldn't support us all and my mom thought well maybe if I can find a job for know that would get me out of the house and help financially and give me something else to focus because being cooped up in here 24/7 some days not even seeing the light of day was overwhelming me and I was not getting any better.

So that's why I decided to go back to work I had to try at least try to do something and I'm still not getting any help from doctors, most of my family has abandoned me and thinks I just need help and needs to go back to the hospital because after 7 months this can't still be WD symptoms and the Zoloft just can't be making things worse when I know better and this is the most heartbreaking horrible thing I have ever been through and I have had to learn about the dangers of these drugs on my own didn't get any help with Benzo Buddies or even here till after the damage was already done, I've lost my wife again for a second time here recently because she just thinks I'm crazy and doesn't believe me when I tell her it's the drugs and what they did to me and doesn't want to deal with it, it's so hard to hold onto any hope at this point and even starting work with some rough patches I was copping and making it one day at a time up till the last 3 weeks and now the symptoms have gotten so much worse and I'm barley hanging on by a tread and it's been nothing short of feeling like after all this time after all I've already been through to have it got this severe again and this bad emotional and physical symptoms after 7 months off that drug even though I'm still on Zoloft I literally feel like I'm going to lose my mind the head pressure and physical symptoms in my Head were bad enough but the intrusive and racing thoughts the fatigue the anxiety the damage that has been done to my brain is so horrible and I'm really wandering if I will even survive this or if if I'm not having a complete psych breakdown cause it literally feels like my brain is going to shut completely down and anything left of the old me is completely gone and it's getting to the point I can't control the thoughts and I can't handle the physical suffering on top of it.

So there is my story the complete version what I've been through and where I'm at today and honestly I don't know what to do and I'm completely at Gods mercy and needing a complete healing and miracle cause without it I don't know if I will survive?

June 4, 2017

Sorry the last post was so long and I'm not trying to annoy anyone but these symptoms really are that severe and it really has changed that much in the last 3 weeks and I know everyone gets made if I talk about my symptoms it when it has changed this much and has increased and became this much more severe after 7 months it's hard not too and I still dot understand I mean what I'm I saposed to do just lay here in bed 24/7 and hope and pray my brain heals one day and continue to take the Zoloft and hope one day I can get off that and heal from that too? This really is a crisis on my end and I felt like people who read my thread needs to know the whole story not just half.

And yes these drugs are poison and I wouldn't recommend anyone take them and if you do find yourself in this position tapering is the only way gradually over time because any of these drugs have to be tapered you can't just quit taking them and if your doctor doesn't have a clue or seems like they don't care find another one and psychological hospitals are a last resort period because most of them don't have a clue and will only try to put you on more drugs and usually make things worse.

So yes my situation is a perfect example of how being ignorant about these drugs and relying on doctors to have all the answers and it doing your research on your own thinking they are there to help you and have all the answers to this is not the way to go for your sure.

That's why I come here to people who know more about these drugs than me and who have suffered and survived these nightmare and can tell me what I can do from here and again that's why I ask and talk about my symptoms because it really is that bad and I'm looking for any kind of answer to how I survive this, is it normal what I'm going through, what to I do about the Zoloft and managing from here all to this is why I come her and I've never been through this and I don't have the answer just looking for hope that I will get better and one day maybe I will beagle to help someone else that unfortunately will have to go through this too.

June 4, 2017

Maize. I'm so very sorry for what you have been through. I'm truly so sad for what you are currently experiencing in your life.

We do want to help you get through this. It is just going to take some time.

You will survive and move on from this.

Whatever you can do to minimize your stress right now should be a priority.

June 4, 2017

Yes ma'am and that's why after Mr Bubbles post I felt the need to explain my situation so that everyone knew my whole story and didn't look at me as someone who was self absorbed and just someone complaining about symptoms and realize how much I've really been through and how I honestly didn't know the dangers of these drugs and the long term side effects and WD and I was just looking for help with anxiety and panic attacks and now I'm suffering so much more than I could have ever possibly imagined and this is honestly something I would not wish on my worst enemy and after the last 3 weeks after already suffering for over a year now and being off Xanex and everything I've already survived and had to go through has left me hanging on by a thread and the reason I talk about these symptoms and ask questions about them is not only because of how severe they are but how long I've already been suffering and how quickly it got so bad after I have fought through and experienced so much pain and suffering already and I've been through more in the last year of my life than some will have to go through in a lifetime.

First my divorce then these drugs being out of work for over a year and the whole time being in and out of hospitals, ERs, psychiatric hospitals being house ridden for over 10 months, my middle daughter has been with my sister since October when I went into the hospital and don't even get to see her that much now after all that the last 3 weeks and the severe wave or uptick in symptoms to the point the head pressure and physical symptoms have tripled the emotional symptoms have become so severe I can't hardly function and feel like I'm losing my mind it's just too much so when I come on her and post it's not to annoy anyone or make anyone mad at me it's because I'm truly hanging on by a thread and looking for answers and any kind of hope I can find not knowing what to do with the Zoloft or why these symptoms have become so severe of course all that and it hasn't helped with work or the fact my ex who I thought cared about me came back into my life 3 months ago and said she loved me but after finding out what I'm still going through literally told me she couldn't and didn't want to deal with it and just thinks I'm crazy cause like everyone else she can't believe it's still WD after 7 months so I feel so alone and like I just can't keep going or I'm not gonna survive this.

So if anyone here can help so very grateful for all the support and post and advice and hope I can get and I do not take it for granted cause after the last 3 weeks all hope seems to be fading and I'm really trying to hold on and believe this eventually will get better but it just seems to be getting worse everyday.

I had a pretty bad week this week as the symptoms continue to increase and get worse and I had to deal with my ex walking out on me again and not even acting like she cared at all, then there was work I don't even know how I made it through yesterday and the physical and emotional symptoms were so bad I stopped at the gas station and literally sat in the parking lot for and hour with my head in my lap starting at my phone just feeling hopeless not even feeling human or like I was in reality anymore like I just couldn't go another step and my mom almost had to come get me but I made it home and I actually got to the bad passed out with my phone still in my hand didn't even get to take the Zoloft last night because I was so exhausted I feel asleep waiting for 10:00pm to take it which has happened 3 times in the last three weeks now and then woke up today completely miserable the head pressure and physical symptoms are so bad I can't hardly move and the high I guess anxiety and severe emotional symptoms are so bad I literally feel like I'm losing it and the horrible intrusion and racing thoughts have slammed me along with the severe DP/DR it's hard to even know if I'm not having a complete breakdown.

I was laying in bed trying to keep it together and my parents called me to come eat after church and I did good to make it to the restaurant sat down don't even remember eating my food and by the time I was done all I could do was cry and had to get up and come straight home and lay back down.

So here I am I hope I've explained what I've been through so people can understand my situation better and why I'm here trying to get help and support not make anyone made or annoy anyone.

I just don't know what to do? If any of this is normal how long it's gonna last what to do with the Zoloft or if I will survive this nightmare to live and help someone else?

June 4, 2017

Maize.There is nothing to do but keep going.Wishing you well.

BTW. It's either Miss or Ms Bubble.

June 4, 2017

Ok the problem is, is I don't know if I can keep going? I just told my mom that I don't know if I'm gonna survive this and I couldn't even make it through lunch today without breaking down I don't even remember the ride to or from the restaurant and hardly remember eating my food all I can remember is eating and then just breaking down and crying and I'm back in bed can't hardly move trying to rest but the physical and emotional symptoms are so severe I can't get easy or still all I can do is lay here with the severe head pressure burning numbness and physical symptoms in my head completely detached from myself intrusive and racing thoughts that are pretty scary feeling like I'm losing my mind or I'm dying acant breath can't sleep I just told my mom I feel like I'm having a complete breakdown and this is the worst it's been since the hospital back in October I can't even control my thoughts anymore it just is in a really dark place and I don't know what to do?

I'm sorry Mr or Ms bubble just didn't know which one so please forgive me.

June 4, 2017

hi maize dont ever think youve annoyed anyone because u havent ,everyone on this site and the people suffering out there in the world because of these drugs peddled to them ,we are all standing on the correct side of history ,it will take along time for the world to ever admit its wrongs but our suffering will not be in vain .

ALIG is bang on correct ,there is no other option but to keep going ,u are in a nightmare that will pass ,you wont even realise how your strength and character will even be better after it ,[i know that sounds perverse but u get my drift] .

its not our fault if humanity is loosing its common sense ,but we will get through the torture and show them how its done .

you've got to read everybody's stories on this site ,we are like you and we are examples of keeping going no matter what .Don't do yourself a disservice and think u cant ,its in you and you have to believe that .

June 4, 2017

"I just don't know what to do or if my mind and body can handle much more and I know I can't take this another 3 months plus"

This is from your fifth post made on December 30. It's been almost six (6) months and you're still here, you're still alive, and you're still functioning. That means that you're making it through. If you can survive six months when you thought you'd only make it three you're doing something right. WD will not kill you, it will not make you go insane or loose your mind. It will just make you very uncomfortable physically and psychologically, and put your life on hold until its over. There are two directions you can go, let the symptoms control you and be miserable or take charge and regain some control of the the situation. The choice is up to you. You've been given all the information available, how you put it to use is up to you. We can't make the decisions for you. One way or another you will survive this ordeal given enough time, a lot of how much you suffer is up to you.

Believe in yourself and your ability to survive and you'll make it through just fine.

June 4, 2017

"I feel asleep waiting for 10:00pm to take it which has happened 3 times in the last three weeks"

It would be better to take your Zoloft a bit earlier than miss it altogether. Missing doses is not going to help.

June 4, 2017

As far as the Zoloft I'm going to start tonight still using the 100ml line not making any changes on the Zoloft for now and taking it at 9pm instead of 10pm so hopefully that will help as I'm still in the process of trying to find a graduated cylinder as suggested and I don't think it's wise to change anything right now with these symptoms being so severe at the moment.

I really am thankful for all the Support and post and I am trying to hang on and believe I will survive this and it will get better and I can tell you I haven't been to the point of laying in the floor crying or not feeling well enough to even leave the house and go to a restaurant and even eat or even just lay in my bed without my mind feeling like it was gonna explode and just shut down to the point I couldn't sleep and the thoughts being so bad I would have to get up and find something to do cause they were so scary in awhile.

I don't know if this is a wave of benzo symptoms, or that and side effects of Zoloft or the stress of work or my ex but this is honestly the worst it has been since detox and I'm losing hope that this will ever get better for me.

I try and focus on all that everyone here tells me to do but when your suffering so much and the symptoms are this severe when you thought the worst was over it makes it difficult to even function or keep it together to even think.

So again that everyone for all the support and I hope at least today everyone understands my situation better and I know I'm not the only one suffering here and my heart goes out to anyone that's been through this or had this bad a time from what these drugs really do to people.

June 5, 2017

I agree with what bubble posted about your job.

I think you need to seriously consider whether you are going to make your health your top priority.

I did a search using Google typing in the terms "job burnout" or "physical and mental exhaustion stress job long hours". Many of the symptoms are similar to what you have been describing.

June 5, 2017

Yes ma'am I agree I know I want be able to sustain this pace and these severe symptoms in my current job but I can't just quit until I find something else and I've been looking but I haven't found anything and don't know where to look or what I can handle with the current symptoms and how severe they are?

Honestly Ms Cat it's has not been this bad since the hospital and in some cases it's worse.

The physical symptoms are so much more severe and the emotional symptoms have slammed me to the point I feel like I'm losing my mind and can't manage them anymore

So I don't know what to do other than hold on the Zoloft and try and push through till I can find a more suitable position until I can get through this.

June 5, 2017

I found something online at wal mart that says clear plastic cylinder graduated skel one that measures 1000ml and the other says 250ml but they have them and is that what I'm looking for?

My brain is so messed up and chaotic right now I had to have my mom ck my measurements in my sports bottle tonight cause I couldn't even see it so I want to be sure cause she looked it up and showed it to me.

June 5, 2017

Ok everyone last post of the night and I'm so sorry I know everyone is gonna be mad at me but I really am scared now and these symptoms continue to increase and get more and more severe both the physical and emotional symptoms to the point I'm really scared and was just laying at my mothers feet asking her to pray for me and crying.

I can't sleep I can't breath and I feel like I'm having a complete psychotic breakdown on top of the severe physical pain. I took my Zoloft tonight at 9:30 and then I took a dose of antibiotics or amoxicillin for my tooth and tried to coke lat down but have had to get back up 3 times now because this is scaring me so bad. I honestly have not dealt with this severe of symptoms especially the emotional ones since I went into the hospital and the emotional symptoms is what put me there to being with and I've been told that it's not uncommon to have this kind of major horrific wave of symptoms especially with benzo WD between 6/9 months off but this is honestly the worst wave of symptoms I have ever dealt with and it's not getting any better and it's like my brain is completely shutting down and giving into the damage that has been done I'm I'm losing the ability to mange it it's out of control and so bad I can't handle it.

I just wrote this to my mom and again I'm not trying to repeat myself but or just talk about symptoms but I'm really scared don't know what's causing this or what to do about it?

June 5, 2017

I don't know what to do this is crazy! It has honestly never been this bad the physical or the emotional symptoms are so severe I really feel like I'm dying or I'm losing my mind and all sense of reality!

This hit me out of nowhere three weeks ago today and has gradually gotten worse to the point today I haven't been able to hardly function at all can't even lay down get easy or sleep I tried to eat with my family earlier and don't even remember the drive hardly there or back or even really eating my food all I remember is the suffering and pain both physically and emotional and I just broke down and started crying got up and had to coke home and my mind has been racing filled with horrible thoughts all day on top of the physical pain and the pressure numbness burning and physical symptoms it feels like my head is gonna explode and I feel like I'm having a psychological breakdown and my mind is giving up on me!

These symptoms are literally 10x more severe than even 3 weeks ago and you through in severe nausea crushing fatigue and crazy dark thoughts on top of the physical pain and I just feel like I'm literally dying and not gonna make it almost to the point of going to the hospital it's so bad because it's scaring me!

Is any of this normal to be this severe after 7 months and will these symptoms calm down and how long will this last cause I don't know how long I can hang on like this?

June 5, 2017

Momma my brain it's so bad I mean it has never been this severe and I could try and describe the physical and emotional suffering more than I already have but words can not describe to torture and suffering momma these drugs have destroyed me and I feel like I'm on the edge tittering between life and death and if God doesn't move soon I really don't know if I'll survive momma! I don't want to die but I can't handle this anymore and I took the antibiotics again tonight and I think it made me worse last time

Did you ever ask the doctor about the antibiotics?

Well momma I asked her the last time and even showed her that list of the ones they said I could not take or not to take and she said it wasn't one of those and everyone on the site says amoxicillin is one of the safer ones to take but I guess anything like that can still cause complications. I'm fighting with my brain to even write this now it's like the suffering and the damage is so severe and too much my brain is shutting down and between the physical and emotional symptoms I feel like I'm dying and losing complete control and my brain is like too much suffering and finally given in and going to a really dark place that's very scary momma

June 5, 2017

It wouldn't surprise me if you are suffering from exhaustion/fatigue. You said it has been worse in the last 3 weeks. I think you have been working for about 7 or 8 weeks now. As I mentioned previously the symptoms you are describing are also symptoms they mention online for exhaustion/fatigue.

GRADUATED CYLINDER: 1000ml = 1 litre, 250ml = 1/4 litre.

You need 100ml. This link is for a 100ml one on the walmart website.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/100ml-3.4oZ-Plastic-Measuring-Cylinder-Graduated-Cup-for-Lab-Laboratory-Testing/47615584

June 5, 2017

Ok thank you Ms Cat I just woke up feeling prett rough this morning but I have to go to work at least until I can find another job. I put in somehow with everything 7 applications yesterday so I'm going to continue to look for something else and I'm sure the long hours and the amount of stress physically and emotionally that goes into my current job isn't helping but I was sent this message by a Buddie of mine and they said and I've had several people tell me about massive waves and increases in symptoms between months 6-9 have you heard of this or do you think that could be some of what I'm going mixed with the job and everything else and if so how long will this last?

Go online to a site called 'benzo withdrawal help' for advice from Dr Jennifer Leigh. She recovered from benzos after a horrible withdrawal . I found her article on ' The six month wave' really helpful. I have been hit with this and have been trying to figure out why I was back in the early post jump days.

June 5, 2017

As far as the symptoms the head pressure burning numbness and physical symptoms in my head they have been there since the beginning but just never this bad and the emotional like that guy said it's almost like what it was when I went into the hospital by in October with the racing and intrusive thoughts crushing fatigue severe confusion DP/DR it's all been there but never ever this bad this the most severe increase intense level of this suffering I have ever experienced by far.

So like him it's hard and very scary and I'm just trying to hold on and figure why this bad after so long and what's causing this?

June 5, 2017

Maize, are you able to work from home via computer?

There are job boards for this, like this one:

Flexjobs

It costs $14.95 a month for that particular site, but it might be worth it for a month or two, and if this is an option that appeals to you, you may want to check into it or other job boards for work-at-home opportunities.

Be careful of some work-at-home opportunities, as some of them are scams. Flexjobs, and other such job boards, are a safer way of looking.

Another option may be part-time work or possibly finding a data-entry type job. The pay is less for data entry jobs, but at least it's a job that brings in some income and you are employed, which will help you find a better job once you're healed. It's always easier to find a job if you have a job, although you have been very good at getting back into the workforce after a stint of unemployment.

Also, data-entry jobs are very repetitive, which is great for someone going through withdrawal. You don't have to learn a lot, which is exhausting if you're experiencing memory problems. You also don't have to deal with other people much.

So please look into something less stressful and if the pay is too low, look into ways of cutting expenses. I know you like to provide for your family and to take them out to eat and to the movies for special occasions, but for now, you really need to take care of yourself.

I'm also very concerned that you're driving while experiencing dp/dr. This can be very, very dangerous, so please be careful. This is another reason to look into options such as working from home or part-time work.

These are just some ideas, as I know that you're a hard worker and are really trying. Let us know what you think.

And yes, waves at the 6-9 month benzo mark are common. Part of it is withdrawal and part of it, in my opinion, is the sheer exhaustion from surviving 6 months after a cold turkey. I experienced severe depression at that point, which I've read is not unusual. Also, you really start questioning your sanity after a certain number of months of dp/dr.

Keep moving forward, Maize. This is a lengthy journey, but I don't see anything in your narrative that is unusual for benzo withdrawal or from AD withdrawal. So forget the thoughts that tell you you're not going to heal. It's simply not true.

June 6, 2017

Yes ma'am I would love to be able to find a work from home position and I am looking for something else closer to home if not from home but I can't quit this one till I have something else lined up and I do worry about the driving as I'm 45 mins one way from my current job and like you said the DP/DR crushing fatigue and physical symptoms makes it hard to do that drive everyday for sure.

As far as the symptoms themselves it's hard to believe that after 7 months off xanex I feel like I'm the last three weeks I've literally taking 10 steps back after fighting and waiting and suffering for so long to have things get this bad and this severe again is very discouraging and very scary to say the least and it's been so bad the last few days I'm having a hard time even writing this post.

The severe crushing pressure burning and numbness in my head is so bad I can't hardly stand or even function. It feels like my head is going to explode and is on fire and any movement any thought or emotional or strain on my head it feels like crushing pressure like my head is in car compactor and is being squeezed and I hear a loud buzzing noise in my head and ears and if I stop to rest it just burns and is on fire. The pressure runs in forehead above my eyes across my head into my temples up to the middle or top of my head and usually down the right side of my neck and any movement sends that physical pain shooting through my head to the point my eyes shut and close.

This wave has brought crushing fatigue, nausea, very light headed and dizzy feeling like I'm floating gonna pass out all the time and it was so bad at work today I had to lean on the zero desk a number of times and when I would stop to do that the crushing fatigue and pressure or physical symptoms in my head would feel like something was pushing me straight to the ground and I couldn't stand anymore.

I think I've described the physical symptoms the best I could but with this wave the last 3 weeks it's not just been the physical symptoms that have increased but it's brought with it severe emotional symptoms 10x what it was before to the point like you said and is a big concern with me driving were I'm really starting to question my own sanity and if I'm not having a psychological breakdown and losing my mind.

I feel severe confusion DP/DR to the point I'm losing all since of myself and my own personality and just not even in reality anymore. The intrusive and racing thoughts are horrible and very scary it's like I can't control my thoughts or my brain anymore and it just wants to shut down and go to a dark place that I don't wanna be.

I tried to explain it to my mom earlier and it's like my brain is on auto pilot and to your point about memory loss it's like I find myself doing things not even realizing I'm doing them or remembering I did them or even what I'm doing. I go to do something and I forget what I'm doing and earlier I had to call the dealership were I got my car because there is some work that they need to do within the first 39 days so it will be covered and I got a voicemail and tries to leave a message but when I got to the point I was gonna leave my number I paused and couldn't even remember what my number was and that has never happened before.

And to your point about being repetitive with work being a good think with someone suffering severe DP/DR I think the only reason I've made it this far in my current role is because I've done a similar job before and been that line of work since I was 23 years old and have over 10 years experience doing the same type of job so it didn't take me long to get back acclimated to and it's again almost like my brain is on auto pilot and I can hear myself talking to customers and doing things at work or even now writing this and it's like it's me but it's not me it's like I hear myself talking but it's not me that's doing it and that's really weird and very scary.

It's like the last little sain part of me is still in there fighting the damaged part of me and it's holding on for dear life and being held hostage by my severely damaged self and what these drugs have done to me.

Anyway I'm sorry so long again but this is truly miserable and it's just getting worse everyday and I'm trying to hold on but like you said and it maskes sense that I've suffered for so long and survived 7 months of this to only get hit with this major wave it's almost more than I can handle or bear.

I am looking for another job, I'm holding on the Zoloft for not using the 100ml line in the sports bottle as to not rock the boat with that right now especially if this is a huge wave of benzo symptoms I can't handle AD WD right now even though I know the side effects from Zoloft probably isn't helping me and I've started and did it again tonight taking my Zoloft at 9 instead of 10 and I use my campfire every night to help me sleep that mamma P gave me so I'm doing all I know to do but this really is that bad and it was nowhere near this decree 3 weeks ago and hasn't been this bad since the hospital in October if not ever.

Thank you shep for taking the time to post and for all your encouragement and all that everyone does here.

If it wasn't for you and all those Ms Cat, Mamma p, Poweback, froggie, AliG, and so so many others that have taking the time to talk to me and share and show interest in me I would not be here right now.

And shep you were the first one who ever responded to me and and give me the time of day and I'm so very thankful for everyone's support and if I left anyone out I'm so sorry my brain is working very well right now but I'm extremely greatful

June 6, 2017

Yes ma'am I would love to be able to find a work from home position and I am looking for something else closer to home if not from home but I can't quit this one till I have something else lined up and I do worry about the driving as I'm 45 mins one way from my current job and like you said the DP/DR crushing fatigue and physical symptoms makes it hard to do that drive everyday for sure.

As far as the symptoms themselves it's hard to believe that after 7 months off xanex I feel like I'm the last three weeks I've literally taking 10 steps back after fighting and waiting and suffering for so long to have things get this bad and this severe again is very discouraging and very scary to say the least and it's been so bad the last few days I'm having a hard time even writing this post.

The severe crushing pressure burning and numbness in my head is so bad I can't hardly stand or even function. It feels like my head is going to explode and is on fire and any movement any thought or emotional or strain on my head it feels like crushing pressure like my head is in car compactor and is being squeezed and I hear a loud buzzing noise in my head and ears and if I stop to rest it just burns and is on fire. The pressure runs in forehead above my eyes across my head into my temples up to the middle or top of my head and usually down the right side of my neck and any movement sends that physical pain shooting through my head to the point my eyes shut and close.

This wave has brought crushing fatigue, nausea, very light headed and dizzy feeling like I'm floating gonna pass out all the time and it was so bad at work today I had to lean on the zero desk a number of times and when I would stop to do that the crushing fatigue and pressure or physical symptoms in my head would feel like something was pushing me straight to the ground and I couldn't stand anymore.

I think I've described the physical symptoms the best I could but with this wave the last 3 weeks it's not just been the physical symptoms that have increased but it's brought with it severe emotional symptoms 10x what it was before to the point like you said and is a big concern with me driving were I'm really starting to question my own sanity and if I'm not having a psychological breakdown and losing my mind.

I feel severe confusion DP/DR to the point I'm losing all since of myself and my own personality and just not even in reality anymore. The intrusive and racing thoughts are horrible and very scary it's like I can't control my thoughts or my brain anymore and it just wants to shut down and go to a dark place that I don't wanna be.

I tried to explain it to my mom earlier and it's like my brain is on auto pilot and to your point about memory loss it's like I find myself doing things not even realizing I'm doing them or remembering I did them or even what I'm doing. I go to do something and I forget what I'm doing and earlier I had to call the dealership were I got my car because there is some work that they need to do within the first 39 days so it will be covered and I got a voicemail and tries to leave a message but when I got to the point I was gonna leave my number I paused and couldn't even remember what my number was and that has never happened before.

And to your point about being repetitive with work being a good think with someone suffering severe DP/DR I think the only reason I've made it this far in my current role is because I've done a similar job before and been that line of work since I was 23 years old and have over 10 years experience doing the same type of job so it didn't take me long to get back acclimated to and it's again almost like my brain is on auto pilot and I can hear myself talking to customers and doing things at work or even now writing this and it's like it's me but it's not me it's like I hear myself talking but it's not me that's doing it and that's really weird and very scary.

It's like the last little sain part of me is still in there fighting the damaged part of me and it's holding on for dear life and being held hostage by my severely damaged self and what these drugs have done to me.

Anyway I'm sorry so long again but this is truly miserable and it's just getting worse everyday and I'm trying to hold on but like you said and it maskes sense that I've suffered for so long and survived 7 months of this to only get hit with this major wave it's almost more than I can handle or bear.

I am looking for another job, I'm holding on the Zoloft for not using the 100ml line in the sports bottle as to not rock the boat with that right now especially if this is a huge wave of benzo symptoms I can't handle AD WD right now even though I know the side effects from Zoloft probably isn't helping me and I've started and did it again tonight taking my Zoloft at 9 instead of 10 and I use my campfire every night to help me sleep that mamma P gave me so I'm doing all I know to do but this really is that bad and it was nowhere near this decree 3 weeks ago and hasn't been this bad since the hospital in October if not ever.

Thank you shep for taking the time to post and for all your encouragement and all that everyone does here.

If it wasn't for you and all those Ms Cat, Mamma p, Poweback, froggie, AliG, and so so many others that have taking the time to talk to me and share and show interest in me I would not be here right now.

And shep you were the first one who ever responded to me and and give me the time of day and I'm so very thankful for everyone's support and if I left anyone out I'm so sorry my brain is working very well right now but I'm extremely greatful

hi maize reading your post here ,I can relate to a lot of it but maybe not as severe sorry your suffering so much.

we got to get control of our thoughts,yes your suffering but if we spend the time annoyed our family's don't believe us ,that's wasted time we need to spend on helping ourselves, I was in this trap for a long time but gladly its passed that now and it really has helped me .its there problem if they choose to believe doctors and not me .

we have to watch every single thing we put into our body's ,a can of soda can have a knock on affect in withdrawal and we are not even aware.today I'm starting to limit carbs because I've been craving them for months so I wait to see if that helps .

I worked a few days last week and I'm proud I managed it because my brain isn't working as quick and properly .

the customer said ,that was done very quick and that made me think ,dam stop being so hard on yourself man .

there's a saying :thoughts become feelings and then feelings become actions ,this is true .my mind never stops ,its like a movie going on in my mind and it controls my behaviour and actions in real life .I'm getting much better at watching out for this and I stop the thought quickly .

you talk about forgetting your phone number ,please try not to over think this ,I am very absent minded now for months and its to do with strong anxiety I reckon ,we learn to adapt and then before we know it were ok again.

we need to get all forms of stress out of our lives within reason of course,im only realising this lately,so this week I'm not working much so I make sure I get out of the house and get nice peaceful walks in away from stressful people ,I've got very bad irritability so being around people is a nightmare sometimes ,especially the mother-law .

I've some very serious decisions to make about my future and this withdrawal only adds to the problem but I make sure to de-stress when I can .

hope you can find some tips in my post take care and we never give up ,because we deserve peace more than anyone .

PB

June 6, 2017

Hi, Maize,

I've been reading your posts all along and want to say I'm sorry you have had such pain.

This will pass and you will get better. Try to believe that. Just by believing it you help make it happen.

Peace and Light to you, Maize.

Gridley

June 7, 2017

Thank you so very much and I'm trying so hard to push through and keep some kind of hope that this will get better but having a really hard time doing so with the current situation and severity and recent change in my symptoms.

Today I had to work and it literally took everything I had to push through and make it and the whole day I was and kept telling myself just one more second one more minute keep busy you are ok this is just WD and your brain trying to fix itself from what these horrible drugs especially xanex did to you but it was extremely hard and seems to be getting hard everyday especially over the last 3 weeks since this wave or severe increase in symptoms hit.

The physical pain pressure burning and numbness in my head was so bad I couldn't even hardly stand up and several times and quite often through out my day today I had to hold myself up and lean on the counter when ever I could to keep from falling over and it was like my head was gonna explode and was literally on fire just so much pressure and physical burning and pain in my head it's indescribable and crazy to think it can still be this severe and to be hit like this after 7 months and if that was enough since this wave hit I've had extreme nausea and very light headed and dizzy it was so bad today I had to stop while I was walking to keep from falling and when I yawned my ears would pop with all the pressure in my head.

The emotional symptoms though are for sure what is scaring me because the last 3 weeks has been such a increase in the confusion, DP/DR, cognitive ability, memory and the racing and intrusive thoughts have all got so much more severe and today it was so bad I literally don't even remember most and probably couldn't tell you but in brief flashes what I actually did today and I'm usually good with names and facts and customers and keeping it together when we get busy but I even lost it at one point today and lashed out and said a few choose words to one of my salesman for something and I don't do that normally I usually keep my cool under pressure and don't let stuff get to me especially in my line of work you have to and I've been doing this for the better part of 15 years I know better than that and I know I got confused a few time taking to customers and couldn't remember what I was doing and tried to play it off when I got myself but I know I looked and sounded stupid like I didn't know what I was doing a few times and when I would be cashing a customer out or writing someone up and had a min of silence or when I was listening to a customer talk to me about what they needed my mind would answer off almost like it was gonna shut down and sometimes just be completely disoriented and confused and sometimes it would just go to a dark place and I'd have these crazy thoughts that I would catch myself having and it felt like I was literally holding on by a thread and having a complete breakdown and going completely crazy and that's so very scary.

I just feel that between the physical and emotional symptoms and the severity that this wave or whatever this increase and change in symptoms is gonna take me out and I'm losing my mind.

I don't know if this is the severe massive wave between 6-9 months everyone tells me about with benzo WD or side effects of the Zoloft or stress with my job and my ex walking out on me again or a combo of all of it but it seems to be getting worse everyday and I don't know how long these waves are saposed to last but it's been 3 weeks since I noticed this change or uptick in symptoms and it doesn't seem to be letting up only getting worse.

i feel extremely agitated, crushing fatigue severe DP/DR intrusive and racing thoughts confused memory loss losing touch with ones self and reality it's all crazy and please tell me this is some kinda of normal giving the situation and I'm not the only one who has experienced this and I'm not going crazy? And please tell me this wave will let up soon cause I feel like I'm going crazy and losing it and I don't know if I can handle this level of torture much longer and for sure can't handle it getting any worse.

June 7, 2017

From: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-symptoms-signs-and-causes.htm

Common external causes of stress

Major life changes
Work or school
Relationship difficulties

Financial problems
Being too busy
Children and family

Cognitive symptoms

Memory problems
Inability to concentrate
Poor judgment
Seeing only the negative
Anxious or racing thoughts
Constant worrying

Behavioral symptoms

Eating more or less
Sleeping too much or too little
Withdrawing from others
Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities
Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax
Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)

Emotional symptoms

Depression or general unhappiness
Anxiety and agitation
Moodiness, irritability, or anger
Feeling overwhelmed
Loneliness and isolation
Other mental or emotional health problems

Physical symptoms

Aches and pains
Diarrhea or constipation
Nausea, dizziness
Chest pain, rapid heart rate
Loss of sex drive
Frequent colds or flu

June 7, 2017

One option you have while at work, is tell them all you are not feeling well, and if you have a really bad spell, where you forget where you are with a customer, put your hand on your gut, say "I am not feeling well", and let a co worker know you are not feeling your best, early in the day, so if you have to step away to splash some water on your face or just have a couple of minutes to yourself, you have a way to get out, and the coworker can take over.

You never respond to any of us when we give you helpful ways to get through things, so lets change that.

Another tip on a way to "stay present" in a conversation, is to take notes as the customer is talking, if you have a mind blip for a few seconds, grab on your ear and shake it, and ask the customer to say the last 2 sentences again, because your ear is bothering you. None of this is a lie, you ARE NOT feeling well, this is just a way to help you not get caught with nothing to say, If you missed more, ask the person to say what he said once more to make sure you understand him correctly, people are understanding if you say you are not feeling well, and you say that you aren't..

Always have the notebook in your hand. If you need to write notes on how to ring someone up, do it! Buy one of those little notebooks that fit in a front pocket, and make cheat sheets, and USE them!

***Now are you going to surprise me and thank me for the tips I just gave you and NOTHING else? I bet you can! You get paid for going to work, I get paid by people saying "thank you, Skeeter, you helped me (or tried to help me) today!" Would you be at work I they did not pay YOU? My pain is 9/10 right now, but I took my time to write you a message, now how sweet was THAT?***

Be well,

Skeeter

MaizeNblue81: Tapering Zoloft during severe acute Xanax WD

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From: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-symptoms-signs-and-causes.htm

Common external causes of stress

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