MaizeNblue81: Tapering Zoloft during severe acute Xanax WD

July 2, 2017

Ok I'm really losing hope and hanging on by a thread almost to the point of giving up or going to the hospital!

I'm 8 months off Xanex now still holding on the Zoloft at 87.5mg like I have been for 3 months now and around month 5 I actually started to work again but at the end of month 6 going into month 7 I got hit with a major wave of symptoms that has continued to get worse and more severe since and as bad as even last week was I had two days were I was still suffering bud able to cope the. 3 days ago it hit major again leading up to today and I can honestly say this is the worst both the physical and emotional symptoms have been completely in the worst pain and suffering of my life emotionally and mentally and I don't know how much longer I can hang on?

The pressure pain burning and numbness in my brain is so severe I can't hardly function at all can't stand up can't do anything other than lay here and suffer! Comes extreme anxiety panic can't breath can't swallow or talk extreme nausea light headed and dizzy or all the physical symptoms!

Emotionally mood has changed and become more severe over the last 3 days extreme confusion DP/DR horrible intrusive thoughts and extreme SU/HM ideation on top of all of it and I literally feel like I'm having a psychotic breakdown and I'm very scared right now and don't know what to do?

Before this wave hit I was working and suffering but at least able to function and cope but I haven't worked in 3 weeks not been able too and I'm actually supposed to go back to work tomorrow but I don't see how I can?

It's hard because I've been told about the 6 month wave and months 4-8 being the worst to start seeing some improvements around month 9 but I'm really losing hope here and this wave hit at the end of month 6 now past month 8 3 weeks from 9 months and it's the worst it has ever been!

It's hard because I'm still on the Zoloft which I didn't want to be on in the first place and I tried to start tapering that 3 months ago but my symptoms have never been stable enough to keep going and I haven't changed anything with it in 3 months so I don't know how much of this is benzo wave and or what the Zoloft is adding to this but I'm losing it and I can't handle this level of suffering much longer please help!

July 2, 2017

A note for anyone coming across this thread: Please don't think that we are not helping Maize. He has been a member here for six months now and right from the start and continually has been offered suggestions of things that may help him cope.

If you are not familiar with his thread, I suggest you at least read the first page and the last couple of pages which may help you to get a sense of how the mods and other members have continually offered non-drug coping techniques for him to try. Especially note his post immediately following a post which makes these suggestions.

July 2, 2017

Me Cat again I wouldn't be here if I didn't need help and I'm using all the techniques and advise that I can or has been given but these symptoms really have gotten that severe and I don't know how I could do much more or anything else when the suffering and pain just keeps getting worse?

Ive stopped working as suggested although I'm supposed to go back tomorrow but I haven't worked in 3 weeks. I constantly try to distract and stay calm and keep my mind off my symptoms and rest and try to hold on and believe this is gonna get bette. I have held on the Zoloft as suggested not trying to rock the boat I use the videos momma P sent me to try and stay calm and sleep at night I'm doing everything I know to do but even with all that it's not got any better and the last 3 days have been the worst most horrible symptoms I have ever faced and I don't know if this is still apart of the Benzo wave or WD symptoms or if the Zoloft has turned on me but I really am hanging on here by a thread and I don't know what to do with work as I can't hardly even function at home or about the Zoloft especially if it's making these symptoms worse I'm just really struggling to hold onto hope and I don't know hat to do about any of this as it seems everyone has turned their back on me and want even talk to me anymore and I'm sorry to bother anyone here but I'm desperate and don't know what to do with no support from the doctors and no support from family except my mom and 3 kids to support I'm barley holding on and I don't know what to do?

July 2, 2017

"I'm supposed to go back tomorrow but I haven't worked in 3 weeks"

"the last 3 days have been the worst "

This might be because you are worrying about going back to work.

July 2, 2017

Well it might not be helping the situation I'm sure but these symptoms the change on severity emotionally and physically I don't think are just that Ms Cat cause today and yesterday I really haven't even thought about work just trying to deal with this horrible wave and increased level of symptoms trying to survive from one minute to the next one day at a time has keep me busy enough

July 3, 2017

Of the following, what have you tried?

Magnesium foot soak - Magnesium
Ice (suggested by PinkFairy)
Concentrated deep breathing (this needs to be learned, practised and used)
Acceptance
Claire Weekes
Journalling (personal, not on the internet)
Yoga (eg legs up the wall position)

These are just some of what has been suggested. There are many more in this topic: Non-drug techniques

Have you visited the Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal topic and read any members' stories?

Have you checked out GiaK (her website is Beyond Meds: http://beyondmeds.com/). She withdrew from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug. It took her a bit over 6 years to do it. She finished on Feb 9 2010 and is still recovering from iatrogenesis (injury or illness that occurs because of medical care).

July 3, 2017

I've tried light walks. Watched most if not all the videos sent to me. Accepting or trying to except this is WD from at least the benzo part as of course I'm still on Zoloft and constantly distracting myself and keeping busy and trying g to keep my mind off everything but this wave has been so severe nothing seems to be working anymore.

I onownthe head pressure and physical symptoms are classic Benzo WD symptoms but especially the wave of emotional symptoms could that be the Zoloft and with the symptoms being severe and hitting another major uptick or increase in symptoms should I continue to hold on it or bite the billet and start gradually tapering again?

July 3, 2017

Also is it safe to even try to go back to work in this condition with how severe my symptoms are?

July 3, 2017

maize -- We don't know the conditions under which you work. You are the best judge of that situation. In an ideal world, you would be given all the time you need to recover from this and with sufficient financial support to cover your family responsibilities.

You have to weigh the possible consequences of several courses of action:

- returning to work

- not returning to work, trying to get doctor's support for a disability claim

- hospitalization.

Who can you talk with in your life to sort through this?

July 3, 2017

Please...you have to keep going one minute at a time....keep repeating this isn't me it's the benzo lies..I know your tired,I know your suffering An in so much pain...but please your window could be around that corner any day!!!am so poorly myself...but just like a bolt of lightning have had a window...

this could be you,any hour any day!as for work do you work full time or part time??

get applying for disability again keep on trying....

i lost my job through this,an I was gutted as I loved been a sales assistant.i could sell sell sand to the arabs lol so I got told..

you could always go An try,I know your suffering so bad,but maybe getting out will distract you.but if you can't then apply again for disability!!am truly sorry we're all going through this hell....

but there's only one way out An that's through....

I have a picture on my phone An it reads...

the devil whispered in my ear you can't with stand the storm...

i whispered back I am the storm ❤️

I read it over an over when I go down.

One minute at a time...never ever ever give up!!!!!!!!!!

pink

July 3, 2017

Thank you pink and scallywag for your responses and I don't know where to start?

As far as the options you listed I was supposed to return to work today but the last 4 days as bad as it's been over the last 5 weeks have been the worst wave of physical and emotional symptoms I have experienced to date and I haven't even slept very much since this increased level of symptoms hit again 4 days ago and I feel like I'm literally back in Detox or the first few months of WD of not so much worse it's so very discouraging and very scary as I can say the head pressure and physical pain in my brain is the worst it's ever been and this is the worst level of suffering I have experienced in my whole life by far.

befire this wave hit 5 weeks ago I was still suffering and struggling but coping and at least able to work and it's crazy how much my symptoms have changed and in increased so much since then and just when I was thinking this can't get any worse wham 4 days ago it did and hasn't let up since.

i really don't know what to do about work because I thought they were at least gonna be able to transfer me to a different location closer to home because the one I was working at and would be going back too is a hour drive one way but that's not gonna happen they want me to return to the same location and it would be the same role as before working 48-50 hours a week except my doctor my PCP actually not the psychologist helped me and wrote a note covering all the days I've missed over the last 3 weeks and even put on their o had sustained a neck injury and couldn't left over 10 lbs to keep me from having to do any kind of physical aspects of my job for now but honestly I don't know if I can go and stand for 11-12 hours a day that far away from home with the physical symptoms being so severe and even if I got past that part the emotional symptoms are so severe now that I couldn't even hardly make it it the store last night to get gas and talk to the associate to pay for my gas or this mourning when I had to drop my car off to be serviced with all the severe confusion, DP/DR and intrusive thoughts I feel like I'm losing my mind and it's hard to talk to anyone or be out and public much less in a sales and customer service environment and I like you pink for some reason have been giving the ability to sale and preform well in a sales and customer service environment I mean I not only got hired into a Management position in the middle of all this but was told it would take me 45 days to train and determine what role I would be in and in less than two weeks I completely my training and accepted a service Manager position and was even the number one sales person on Memorial Day weekend in the company while suffering all this so imagine what I could do if I had my health and my mind back! Is. It's not that I don't want to work it's just gotten so bad I don't know if I can?

Anyway the second thing you had was Disability and I actually filed this time last year after all this started and long story short I was initially denied but that was before I was hospitalized last October when I went into Detox and when I got out I had to appeal the decision and they processed that in may and I still haven't heard anything on that. I called the state Disability and they said they had all the information on my appeal but no decision had been made so I contacted a local attorney and he said that I would need to wait for that decision and if I was denied then we could go before a judge and go from there so that's up in the air and no answer or timeframe on that?

As as far as hospitalization I will not go back to that hospital just to have the doctors look at me like I'm crazy and tell me their is no way I'm still going through benzo WD symptoms after 8 months and then just try to put me on more drugs no thank you! That's how I got in this mess with Zoloft to begin with.

So so I don't know what to do at all?

July 4, 2017

As bad as I felt even this mourning when I woke up literally just a few hours ago I was trying to make me something to eat and it's like everything just doubled out of no where in intensity and I got completely confused disoriented lost all train of thought felt severe panic can't breath severe DP/DR feeling completely detached from reality and myself and the world around me and severe intrusive thoughts including SU/HM ideation! Is any of this normal to even have symptoms increase even double in a matter of a few hours?

I feel like I literally losing my mind and having a psychological breakdown! The pressure and pain in my brain is so severe I can function I feel extremely nauseous and physically sick and the emotional symptoms are getting out of control I'm having a hard time even typing this!

I don't know what a concussion or a bad acid trip feels like but this is gotta be close and as bad as it's been since this wave started the last 4 days have been horrific and a few hours ago it just got even worse and I'm really scared and don't know what to do?

July 4, 2017

On 18/06/2017 at 3:22 AM, maizeNblue81 said:

If this is benzo WD or side effects from the Zoloft

Maize, does it matter the cause? If you get the genetic (liver enzyme) test, you will know if this is a toxic reaction to the Zoloft. Then you can stop ruminating over it. One of the other moderators pointed out to me, that you had severe symptoms from tapering - which leads us to believe that it is withdrawal.

We've been over this many, many, many times before. When are you going to stop ruminating over it?

Here's what I've written elsewhere about rumination (I may have even quoted this elsewhere in your thread - do you use all the good advice in your thread?):

Quote

Rumination used to be a part of our survival, when we were living rough - how to protect the children from the bear, where to hunt next, what techniques for hunting work better, was that root really good to eat? - and many other survival items that we would ruminate on, after the sun went down, and talk about with our family or tribe. It was a key part of learning and surviving.

The problem now, is that these survivals are now handled by modern society (when was the last time a bear was seen in your neighborhood?). But our brains are thinking machines, it's what they do.

So instead, the brain has other things to focus on: should I have said that? what did she mean? I definitely shouldn't have done that! Maybe I could've done better? What if I'd said this instead? These problems are unsolveable!

Then, the judgements come in (because the brain is a thinking machine, and you've exhausted all the scenarios, and your emotions are engaged, so you start to judge: I am such a failure! All I do is hurt people! I am a burden to those around me, I am useless!

The first step is to disengage the emotions; as you found, the silly children's song is useful for that!

Then - learn to observe the thoughts, back away from judging them. They are only thoughts, it is only your brain doing what it was born to do.

The images I have used for thoughts are train cars, rattling by on a track. You can jump on any one of them and go for a journey - but the goal is to let them go by - they are just thoughts on a track. Let them go by. As soon as that thought goes by, then another will take it's place. Your brain is doing it's job. You can even use the rhythm of the train tracks to tell yourself: thinking, thinking, thinking.

The best way to separate yourself from thinking is to pay attention to your breathing. When you focus only on your breathing, that connection between your body and the rest of the world - air - inhale, exhale, breathing - then you notice that the thinking is not so important.

Another image I have used is clouds. You can't control thoughts, anymore than you can control clouds. They come and go as they will, doing what they do. (The Sound of Music has a line: "How do you catch a cloud, and pin it down?")

On 21/06/2017 at 9:24 AM, maizeNblue81 said:

my PCP did what she could I asked her about the liver enzyme test and she took some more blood work and said she would check all my enzymes to see if their was anything

I'm not sure that checking liver enzyme function is the same as testing your CYP genetic profile. I don't know if this will show anything. It's not a normal test that she sends off to a normal lab. It's a Genesight brand thing, a special lab that does a genetic test which indicates how your liver metabolizes certain drugs and gives you a profile of drugs to avoid.

The normal "liver enzyme" lab might indicate a toxicity, it might not. I'm not a lab technician, nor am I a doctor - so I don't really understand the difference. At least your PCP listens to you - and maybe something will come back that gives us a clue as to why you are suffering so intensely. I would still press for the genetic test.

On 23/06/2017 at 5:36 AM, maizeNblue81 said:

last night slept for 8 hours got up went right back to bed I was so physically sick and slept for 4 more hours

This is a strong indicator that you were overstressed and need to rest. When the body shuts down, it is trying to heal.

On 23/06/2017 at 6:26 AM, bubble said:

It seems you are not desperate enough to get more serious about all the coping strategies that have been suggested. When I'm really bad I practice them like my life depended on it. Playing games on your phone is not one of them. Spending too much time with these electronic devices is bad for everyone's brain.

These are not "new age healing" concepts. It's survival. It's a scientific fact that relaxation response is healing. Sleep is healing. Tears are healing. You are bottled up so tight that it is difficult to heal - and like Bubble said, playing on your device is not unwinding it.

When you push on your symptoms, they get worse. This is what is happening. You push them down, try to deny them, and they are roaring, becoming louder and more intrusive the more you resist. What you resist, persists.

If you were truly desperate, you would try some of the excellent suggestions. When you feel upset, re-read your thread, read all the responses that folks have spent HOURS developing in caring about you.

Have you tried magnesium (citrate or glycinate) for your head pressure? Fish oil? Epsom salts baths? Hint - it's not just the shower, but the magnesium which is awesome healing.

On 24/06/2017 at 5:34 AM, maizeNblue81 said:

if I'm gonna survive this

Maize, you've been saying this for months. You say it is worse this month - but you said that when you first got here, too. Stop focusing on the symptoms. Stop digging the hole.

On 24/06/2017 at 5:58 AM, bubble said:

Describing your symptoms here seems to be your most important coping technique. It seems to help you but I don't see how it benefits the community here.

Here's where I disagree with Bubble. It is a "coping mechanism" to go into your symptoms and focus on them, but it is harming you, too. It is not beneficial to the community, it is not beneficial to you, either.

On 26/06/2017 at 0:17 PM, maizeNblue81 said:

my mom try's but she doesn't really know what to do other than listen to me and pray for me

When are you going to pray for yourself? How are you going to pray for yourself? What is the prayer you are going to use to help you? Because - it's not your mother who can help you - it's you.

On 24/06/2017 at 11:03 PM, Happy2Heal said:

It is time for you to HELP YOURSELF.

no one else here can do this for you, you MUST do it yourself.

On 26/06/2017 at 2:43 PM, maizeNblue81 said:

should I continue to hold on the Zoloft for a while longer or maybe here soon trying to get my dose rights and make a small cut

Do you have a graduated cylinder like we asked you to get? That is what you need if you want to try a reduction.

The new job sounds good, I hope you can do that. There is a certain pride in detailing, it's good work, even if it's not "high powered."

What can you say that is good about your life? What are you grateful for? It is only by praising the positives that we can move towards them.

Breathe. It's the most miraculous thing you can do.

July 4, 2017

Ms Carol my PCP did liver enzymes test and tested all enzymes function and everything came back normal no signs of any issues or problems at all everything checked out good from the test that she did.

Ive been holding on the Zoloft now for over 3 months and I donit the same way using the 100ml line on my sports bottle and then taking out the 10ml syringe every night the same way. It might be a drop or two off here and there but pretty close and as close as I can get it every night. I haven't got a cylinder yet because since I haven't been working I haven't had the money to order it. I went to wal mart a few weeks ago and you can get them online and have them shipped to the store but I just haven't had the money to do it. I have to go pick up my refill of the Zoloft today and I'm gonna try and measure out exactly to the 100ml line on my sports bottle with the 10ml syringe to be more accurate and figure out exactly were I'm at with the dose so I'll let you know tonight when I do that and I'll keep doing it that way till I can get a cylinder then go from there.

I know I keep saying this is getting worse or this is the worst it's ever been but since this wave of symptoms or increase hit at the end of month 6 now a week into month 8 it really has changed and become more and more severe and the last 4 days has been the worst wave of symptoms I have ever experienced by far and even what happened yesterday when they seemed to increase to yet another level in a matter of just mins or and hour or two was very scary and I woke up this morning and it still continues to increase and get worse and I haven't worked in over 3 weeks have tried to rest as much as possible went and had those test done at the doctor as suggested and still holding on the Zoloft as suggested and it is till getting worse. I haven't started that new job yet still waiting on the background ck and I was actually supposed to go back to work at my old job yesterday but I literally could not get out of bed to do it.

even with rest being bed and house ridden for over 3 weeks now it is still getting worse and I don't know if this is the massive Benzo wave everyone talks about between month 6-9 or side effects from the Zoloft or a combo of both but I feel like I'm losing my mind and having a psychological breakdown on top of the physical pain and I don't know how much more I can take especially after the last 4-5 days?

The head pressure burninb numbness and physical symptoms in my head have changed and become so much more severe to the point it's not just pressure and numbness it's severe pain almost like a migraine x10 and it moves from the back of my head to the top of my head and the pressure and numbness in my forehead begins my eyes in my temples and the top of my head is unbearable and I feel physically sick and nauseous light headed and dizzy and can't function at all.

Even scaryier that that is the emotional wave and symptoms the severe confusion DP/DR to the point I feel completely detached from all reality and myself completely disoriented and feel like I'm losing my mind and literally crawling out of my own skin and the horrific intrusive thoughts severe SU/HM ideation with this wave is horrible and I'm literally hanging on by a thread and I don't know what to do? It's like I feel that I'm all the way back to severe tolerance WD and kindling while still on the Xanex which led me to the hospital back last October and the first month or two of WD all over again and the last 8 months since of suffering has meant nothing and it's just as bad now or even worse than it's ever been and as bad as it was a few months ago before all this hit or even last week when I thought it couldn't get any worse it has and I just don't understand or know what to think or do I'm losing it and all hope that this is gonna get better.

July 4, 2017

Maize, JanCarol's post was telling you that lab tests for liver enzymes are not the same thing as what she suggested -- a CYP genetic profile. Liver enzymes lab tests report levels of enzymes at the time of the test. The genetic profile can indicate whether you have a problem metabolizing or eliminating certain medications now or in the future. Some people have discovered that their livers CANNOT properly eliminate/metabolize certain drugs and that taking those drugs would result in toxicity.

July 4, 2017

Oh well as far as that I've been on Zoloft before for a year and a half the first time and then Prozac 2 years and never had anything like this happen to me at all and as far as the additional testing I guess I could go back and ask my PCP if she knows what needs to be done with that but I don't know?

As as far as my current symptoms and the severe increase and feeling like back in the hospital or the early months of WD and how much they have changed it seems like it could be mostly benzo related which is hard to imagine it lasting this long or being this severe 8 months off and continues to get worse but I don't know?

Ive heard of the 6 month wave and it being atypical to wave a massive wave or increase in symptoms between month 6-9 and then a lot of people say they got hit around mint 6-7 and didn't get and kind of relief till month 9 but this is crazy how much more severe these symptoms have become and how they have changed and this wave hit right at the end of month 6 now a week into month 8 and is not letting up just getting worse by the day and the last 5 days has really been the worse wave I have ever experienced especially after what happened yesterday and how I feel today which I've already explained this is crazy.

Does any of this sound like Benzo WD and is it normal to have even if this is the massive 6 month wave to have it last this long and continues to increase in severity?

July 4, 2017

maize, we've said that it's likely benzo withdrawal and that we cannot give you an absolute, take-it-to-the-bank-and-the-doctor answer.

July 5, 2017

Ok I understand but is it normal to have this severe of a wave both physical and emotional symptoms are so severe I'm not functional at all and it was not this bad during month 5-6 and right at the end of month 6 into month 7 wham and for whatever reason the last week now in month 8 I've got hit yet again with even more intense and debilitating symptoms than ever before almost like they were right before the hospital and the first few months out?

The head pressure numbness burning and physical pain in my head is as severe as it's ever been but the emotional symptoms are out of control and I feel like I'm losing my mind severe confusion, DP/DR, Brain Fog, feel like I'm crawling out of my own skin emotionally and the horrible evil intrusive thoughts are as bad now as when I went into the hospital and that's what concerns me is the SU/HM ideation and why I worry about the Zoloft I mean with these kind of waves and increased symptoms os it normal to have this severe of a change? I know the head pressure and physical symptoms are Benzo WD I believe that but the emotional symptoms are quite severe as bad as the early days and it's really scaring me to get this bad again after 8 months off that's crazy.

Also I was supposed to go back to work this week but I haven't been able to make it and I just got a call and was notified they were gonna have to let me go and said I was welcome to reapply when my health improved whenever that may be so as of now I don't have a job and no income so that's adding to the stress for sure. I haven't heard back yet and don't know when I will on my Disability and still no word from the other job just detailing cars so I don't know what I'm gonna do about that?

Im gonna try and get back to the doctor and see about the other testing that was suggested I don't know if she can do it there or would have to refer me but I will ask and I'm not sure what I need to do with my Disability I've talked to a lawyer but they say I'll have to wait for the appeal decision before I can go any further and I do think my PCP will help me but all I can do is set and wait on that.

This really is that bad and i feel like the last 8 months of suffering have been for nothing and I'm all the way back to day one of not worse with all these symptoms and I don't understand and it's very discouraging and hard to believe any of this is normal.

Edited July 5, 2017 by ChessieCat
removed identifying information (company)

July 5, 2017

yes Maize, it's NORMAL for it to be this bad.... and to be this bad, for this long (or longer)

and it's like this for MANY MANY others here on this forum

you are not alone in feeling this way.

you have such a negative outlook on everything, I've decided that I can no longer come here and check up on you. I can't handle the oh poor me, it's so frickin bad, when is it ever going to end.....

we are all in the same frickin boat, Maize, and we are trying hard to look for signs of IMPROVEMENT, not just moaning and groaning CONTINUALLY as you do, over all the things that are oh so bad.

I keep hoping that you'll see the light and realize that in some ways, you really don't have it all that bad (in comparison to many others. I know of several others who, like myself, have suffered with severe insomnia, not for months, but for years-others who had horrendous akithesia, for a long period of time, look it up, it's bad!!)

not saying that to scare you, but to help you put things in perspective.

I wish you only the best, but it's way past time for you to help YOURSELF feel better.

July 5, 2017

Well I'm sorry I am trying my best even tried to work for awhile and am doing everything I know to do now to survive from one day to the next and it's hard for me especially with 3 girls to support and knowing that I can't take care of them at all and I don't even know if I will make it from one day to the next and to have it get this bad again after all this time is very discouraging and I'm just trying to understand why?

So it's not poor me as you say and I understand that I'm not the only one suffering and I'm sorry anyone is having to go through this nightmare.

I dont come here or post just to vent or poor me as you say I come here for support and answers to try and get help because the doctors don't have a clue and are useless and my family mainly my mom try's but they don't understand so that's why I come here not to annoy anyone just trying to survive and figure what to do and how to get through this like everyone else.

I know for me I'm doing everything I know to do had to even stop working and now have lost my job and for me even with my suffering I spent most of yesterday trying to help someone else who is exactly where I was last October facing and thinking about Detox and hospitalization because her symptoms were so severe and she's still on benzos probably in severe tolerance WD and probably has kindled and my heart poored out to her because I could here my desperation in her words an I know how she feels.

But I guess that's the difference between you and me and others if I survive this I will never turn anyone away that needs and is asking for help because of these drugs and doctors because I know truly how life altering this can be.

July 5, 2017

4 minutes ago, maizeNblue81 said:

But I guess that's the difference between you and me and others if I survive this I will never turn anyone away that needs and is asking for help because of these drugs and doctors because I know truly how life altering this can be.

I'm NOT turning anyone away, Maize, I'm walking away from a nearly 100% negative narrative that you keep repeating over and over and over again......

this is the first time I've ever heard you mention doing anything for someone else, something POSITIVE.

this is the breakthrough I've been waiting for, so I'm glad that I read this, in spite of my threat to not read any more of your posts.

I am glad you are reaching out to help someone else. Now, what are you doing for her? whatever that is, that you are doing for her,

PLEASE do some of that for YOURSELF.

EVERYTHING you need is INSIDE YOU.

You are proving that, by reaching out to help another.

Good job, keep it up and direct some of that caring and assistance that you are giving her, back around to yourself.

July 7, 2017

Ok I'm not trying to bother anyone or get anyone upset at me but my symptoms have changed and shifted so much just even in the last week I'm really scared and don't know what to do or what is causing this so just looking for help and to try and understand what's causing this massive wave and uptick in symptoms and if staying on Zoloft any longer is the best thing to do for me know?

I'm really struggling 8 1/2 months now off Xanex and in the most severe wave of symptoms I have experienced over that time just as bad now if not worse than when I went into Detox last October and I don't know if this is a major Benzo WD wave or side effects from the Zoloft or a combination of the two but I feel 10x worse than I did 6 weeks ago when this wave hit and it's even increased more in the last week and all the symptoms are as severe now as they were or worse in October or the first few months out and I'm very sacred and very discouraged!

My symptoms are extreme tightness burning numbness pressure and pain in my head especially in my forehead behind my eyes the top of my head the right side of my head and down into the back of my neck and this has for sure been the worst and most consistent symptoms but have intensified to where they were right out of Detox now 8 1/2 months off.

In months 5-6 I was able to go back to work but still struggling and I was suffering but able to function and the worst was still the head pressure and physical symptoms in my head but now the emotional symptoms have become so severe on top of the physical symptoms to the point I've had to stop working and they seek to have intensified to where they were when I went into the hospital and are so severe I feel like I'm losing my mind and having a complete psychological breakdown as bad as I was back then!

Severe confusion DP/DR, horrific evil thoughts, SU/HM ideation completely detached from reality and my personality just completely losing it and with the uptick in the severe emotional wave I've developed severe anxiety again, insomnia, extreme nausea light headed and dizzy can't function at all now and this wave hit right at the end of month 6 and it was bad and climaxed within the last week to where I am extremely sacred and don't know what to do?

Before I went in the hospital the emotional symptoms were so severe I didn't want to be alone and I couldn't be around my kids because of the horrible thoughts I was experiencing and in the last month and a half I've went from working to this all over again like the last 8 months didn't even matter and I'm right back where I started!

I've been holding on the Zoloft for over 3 months now which is what they put me on in the hospital so no major changes during this time but this continues to get worse back to crisis worse and I don't understand or know how much more I can take?

I've heard about the 6 months wave or massvive uptick between month 6-9 but I don't know if it's that or side effects to the Zoloft but this is getting really bad again and I don't know what's causing this or what to do cause I'm completely losing it and not sure what to do from here?

July 7, 2017

I'm so sorry Maize but we have heard it all before. I'm sorry for your pain and I truly hope that it ceases swiftly. You have to understand that we are all going through this and therefore are sometimes less than positive in our outlook.

You have stretched all of us a bit. I'm so sorry but let's move on.

We can move through this in time.

:rolleyes:

July 7, 2017

I'm sorry I'm not trying to stress anyone but this is really that severe and that different from anything I've faced before and I don't know what to do and whether this is benzo WD or Zoloft?

Im really losing my mind and between the emotional wave and how extreme it is and the physical symptoms I really don't know how much longer I can hang on cause it really is that bad and severe as intense as it was 8 months ago and of this is a benzo wave I don't guess theirs much I can do but if it's Zoloft I'm not doing myself any favors by holding and staying on it when it has gotten this severe again.

I would literally go to the hospital if I thought they could help without looking at me like I'm crazy and pushing more drugs at me but this is getting so severe if it continues and doesn't let up I'm afraid I'm gonna be back where I was 8 months ago being forced to go to the hospital.

its just so hard when I don't know what's causing these symptoms to get back to this severe and it's hard to believe this is just benzo WD after all this time so I'm confused and don't know what to do?

July 7, 2017

Maize -- I'm very sorry that you are suffering as much as you are and that we haven't been able to help you with these severe symptoms.

Over the last seven months, we've done our absolute best to figure things out but have not found *the* answer for you. I don't know that there's anything else we can tell you. Your medical situation seems to be beyond our ability to help.

Here is the only truthful answer I have to what is causing your symptoms and the shift in your symptoms, "Your guess is as good as mine."

Here is the only truthful answer I have to what to do about your symptoms, "Other than giving yourself time to heal and recover, your guess is as good as mine." It's a rotten, rotten answer that doesn't help you in the least.

Based on my limited understanding of the process occurring when these medications are taken and then stopped, it may take at least several more months before you notice even a slight easing of your symptoms.

There is little we can do to change or decrease your symptoms. The only things we can do are to suggest that you continue to expand your non-drug coping toolkit and that you let go of any expectations about when you are going to feel better.

Expectations are a trap because they are based on opinion, emotion, hope, wishful thinking, imagination, and maybe a fact or two. When the expectation isn't met, we get upset. You are upset because you expected that your recovery from the SSRI merry-go-round and the benzo discontinuations would be over by now.

Your expectation may have been based on something a doctor told you. It may be based on something we told you. It may be based on something you read on another site. It may be based solely on your own thoughts. It may be based on what needs to happen for your life to work.

None of that is relevant. The reality of your health situation is CLEAR information that your expectation was wrong.

Letting go of your expectation about how long this is going to take will likely buy you peace of mind.

July 7, 2017

Hey

so sorry your suffering this much...

am in a place where my CT off 2 drugs took place,I feel right back at the start....3 steps forward -100 back....

but an arrow can only be pulled so far back before it's launched forward....❤️

have read so many stories where 6-8 month people got so much worse,but turned a corner at 9 month!!i am struggling so very bad with a deep depression,but I keep telling my self this is not just depression it's chemical depression!!some days I don't know how am going to make it if am honest.But am going to crawl to that finish line with bleeding knees if I have too....AN SO ARE YOU!!!

were both down this rabbit hole,so let's just take one baby step forward,even if you just brushed your teeth give your self some credit...

i can see what your doing your spirraling with your thoughts!!

i do it ALL the time....I shout woahhh stop right there pink!!!

an now I actually sing...am alone in this sorry mess while looking after my son he only as me,An I only have him...am struggling so badly too.i just want you to know your not alone....

like I said before we're all here with broken wings.But some times you stumble An you stagger...but you reach out for support!!

you can do this you know..you really can dig deep to the very core of your soul ❤️

Minute by minute If needs be...

sorry if am not making sense am in a massive wave An aren't to good!!

seeiously no storm can last forever ?

July 7, 2017

I'm trying so hard to hold on I never imagined that it would get this bad and be this severe 8 1/2 months out and like I said I've been holding around the same dose on the Zoloft for well over 3 months so no major changes in meds but these symptoms are so severe and have changed so much I literally back to where I started it feels like on the verge or losing and suffering more than ever before.

Im sorry I don't mean to bother everyone and im thankful for all the responses and feesback I get here cause I don't get any support anywhere else not even from the so called mental health professionals that were supposed to be helping me not making me worse and I know if I went to the hospital now that's exactly what would happen is more drugs or changing drugs and my mind can't handle that anymore it's been so damaged by these doctors and these meds that I don't know if I will ever recover?

I stood in the kitchen and just cried earlier telling my mom I didn't know how I was gonna survive this that it was just as bad now if not worse than 8 months ago and I'm thankful for my mom she does her best but she doesn't know what to do so I just feel truly alone and like their is no hope since this last wave hit it's just about done me in.

If this is a combination of benzo wave and Zoloft side side effects would it be even safe to start tapering Zoloft again with it this bad? Or is that the only choice I have if it's making this worse?

im so lost and confused scared and again I wouldn't even bother anyone if it was just as bad as it was two months ago but it really has changed and increased that much even over the last 4-5 days.

July 7, 2017

Learning to accept is a very big part of this whole journey which we are on. A really great example of how acceptance can make a huge difference is shown below. I've quoted a recent post from Rico and his very first post below.

On 6/7/2017 at 6:52 AM, Rico said:

Thanks Madeleine and Shep

I am doing a lot of journalling at the moment, and sort of writing out an entire life story - before and after psychiatry.

I don't have any specific coping skills, but I think my change in attitude towards recovery definitely helped.

In the midst of suffering horrendously during zyprexa withdrawal, I started to just accept life on life's terms. Each day, I humbled myself more and more and expected less our of life. I wasn't giving up, but I took all the pressure off myself. I used to have high expectations of myself. In fact, this is how I had a breakdown in the first place. I placed succeeding at university ahead of anything else, and I completely broke down who I couldn't do it.

Now, I am content with very little. I truly value the small things in life rather than always focusing on what I don't have, even if that includes good health also. A small bike ride with a friend is now much more enjoyable than before, when I used to take for granted that I could ride for a long time and have lots of fun. I guess we all come to appreciate life much more after going through so much pain and suffering.

I have also been "flushing out" my resentments - all those bits and pieces of anger over things that have happened or people that have hurt me. I learned this from a 12 step program, which I highly encourage anyone in withdrawal to join, as they have some fantastic tools.

From another 12 Step Program called Grow, I have learned not to abuse my emotional system. Now that I am more aware of myself, I walk away from situations that would be too stressful and deliberately not engage in an argument if I can. I also avoid toxic people, be they friends or family members. I don't want people in my life putting me down or using me anymore. Because I used to be so emotionally needy with a low self esteem, i allowed people to walk all over me. Being diagnosed as mentally ill and everyone around me knowing this, made me feel worthless, so I tended to hang around people that were not good for me.

One last attribute that has helped me is having patience. I have always been an impatient person. This experience really forced me to be patient. Time is a great healer, and sometimes that's all that's needed. It will take as long as it takes to recover. I used to sit around grumbling and complaining that I am not well. Now, if I have a bad day, I just hope that the next day is better and be ok with not being 100%.

The biggest coping mechanism though, and especially during those really rough months last year, has been this forum. No one here gave up on me, and despite my poor judgement in my decisions, I always received detailed posts filled with encouragement and practical things to do.

It IS possible to recover. If I can do it, I am sure anyone can. Although that does sound cliche, you only need to look at my 18 page document outlining nearly every drug in psychiatry that I have been on as well as over 25 admissions to believe this.

As for 10% tapering method, I am fully supportive of this and wish I had done things that way. However, I must say, that for me, I came to a point where I had stopped and started zyprexa so many times, that tapering beyond the lowest dose didn't really work. I became so critically ill on it - irrespective of dose, that I just had to stop it and endure the withdrawals. Had I, on the other hand, tapered it for the first time, it would have been much easier. I think somewhere on this site "limbic kindling" is explained. Alto also pointed out at some point that maybe I had been on/off the drugs so many times that my CNS was destabilised regardless. I think she was right.

Lastly, maintaining hope for me was really important. And I think it's important for anyone. I kept the dream of being drug free alive by reading success stories. I deliberately chose to read these stories rather than be discouraged by the ones where people constantly complained about psychiatry.

We are dealt a heavy blow in this type of suffering and because of society's ignorance and the stigma of "mental illness", we often have to suffer alone. Thanks to a wonderful site like this however, I did not feel alone.

I still have a long way to go, but I do believe that the worst is over. I will take my time with the remaining lithium dose. It is not causing any adverse side effects at all and it would be unwise to rock the boat after so much progress.

Rico

On 12/8/2016 at 8:06 PM, Rico said:

Hi,

I have a long history (18 years) of psych drug usage and have been on antipsychotics, antidepressants and mood stabilisers.

I recently (1 month ago) started Zyprexa again because I had a crisis, and this time it didn't really work as well as it had in the past. I took 10mg and I passed out and felt awful and later was admitted to a private hospital, where various other drugs were added.

I am now on 2.5mg Zyprexa and would like to get off it because I am pre-diabetic. Given that I have only been on it for a month, is a 25% reduction per week ok?

I have withdrawn off it before and I am petrified. I feel in general that my mental health has declined quite a bit this year, so I am not sure if I could handle the withdrawal. Having said that though, going off it gives me hope that I will feel better and have my cognition back.

Is this a realistic expectation? Zyprexa withdrawal is very rough. And unfortunately Zyprexa has affected my memory quite a bit.

I am quite confused too at the moment, because I have seen too many shrinks and they all have different diagnosis and views for me.

My shrink of 18 years pretty much gave up on me recently because I discharged against his advice from a private hospital where he consulted. I only did this because he wanted to start me on Abilify to replace the Zyprexa and after one dose, I had horrible side effects which he didn't believe.

My life is in a complete mess at the moment and I am very sad at what psych drugs have done to me :__(

Thanks
Rico

July 7, 2017

Maize: I'm sorry you have had no relief. I'm sorry that you are still struggling but at this point it sounds like you are slowly starting to stabilize.

I know you are finding this difficult as we all do but you really can make it through this.

I have been through the worst 3 years of my life in withdrawal but it's worth it to essentially be off all drugs and slowly healing versus slowly disintegrating, in terms of health. ( Robert Whittaker: Anatomy Of An Epidemic.)

I hope you can do this What self - help tools are you using so far? We have asked for some input and it would be great if you posted some of the positive strategies that you are currently employing.

July 8, 2017

I'm sorry having a hard time reading your last post Ms Cat but as soon as my mom gets home I'm gonna have her read it to me then I'll respond to it I promise. My symptoms have become so severe I guess the best way to describe it is like being back in Detox or the first month or two off and I would say like being back in acute Benzo WD again but I don't know if I've ever left acute no windows that everyone talks about just different leveles of suffering and this wave especially the last week has been by far the biggest wave or increase in both the physical and emotional symptoms I have faced in 8 months it almost like the last 8 months never happened and instead of healing my symptoms are getting so much worse than ever before.

I wanted to get this down down as it took me literally about and hour to go back and remeasure the Zoloft using the 10ml syringe as my guide and not the 100ml line on my bottle to get a better idea of where I'm at with that and it took a long time but after measuring and re measuring several times to try and be more accurate for now and see where I need to and when I need to start tapering again and I came up with taking the 10ml syringe and filling my bottle up to the 100ml line the closet and most accurate was 8.5 or 8 and a half 10ml syringes hits my bottle right at the 100ml line so I'm going to measure out 8.5 10ml syringes every night the same way to be more accurate and then dissolving the pill in the liquid and when it's time to take it withdraw 1 10ml syringes which would leave 7.5ml remaining that I would actually be taking and that is pretty close to the way I have been doing it as it measures to the line where I've been measuring free hand anyway but this way maybe someone can help me on what I would need to do from here with this please? So basically dissolving the 100mg Zoloft tablet in 85ml of water then taking out 1 10ml syringe is where I'm at and pretty close to where I've been at for over 3 months and I hope I don't confuse anyone cause that was extremely difficult and I had to force myself to do it but I wanted to be as accurate as possible.

I did read some of yours Aiig and I know I'm not the only one here suffering these drugs are straight poison and no one should ever have to endure this ever and I'm thankful again for all the help and support here.

It doesn't feel like I'm stabilizing though it feels like I'm getting so much worse and whether it's the Benzo WD or the Zoloft or a combo of both this wave has knocked me back literally 8 months I feel in recovery and it seems to be getting worse and that scares me. 6 weeks ago I was bad and suffering but still functional and able to push through and work and now I can't function at all and I feel like I'm losing it completely and back to where I was in January or February if not much worse so I'm just trying to figure out what do I do and it's hard to use much of anything of than constantly distracting myself with something with how severe it's gotten and I even tried to drive today just to get out of the house and I'm lucky I made it back home when 5 weeks ago I was driving and hour to work and never was it like this.

So again sorry to bother everyone but these symptoms really have changed that much and become that much more severe and I just don't know what to do?

July 8, 2017

breathe, maize, just breathe

you're going to get thru this

you have come so far, you can do this

what would you tell that friend of yours? how would you help her thru this?

July 8, 2017

If you buy a graduated cylinder, and they are not very expensive, you will be able to measure your dose more accurately. Doing this will remove a huge worry and a lot of work for you.

July 8, 2017

Bare with me my mom is gonna go back and read all this to me it's just gotten so bad I can focus to read at all.

the scary thing is especially in the last week is on top of the severe physical symptoms in my head the emotional wave is so so bad completely confused severe DP/DR feeling completely detached from reality and my mind is now constantly in an evil intrusive place and I can't control my thoughts at all severe SU/HM ideation has come back and hit me like it was when I was in severe tolerance WD and trying to taper the Xanex and these emotional symptoms is what put me in the hospital to begin with and it's that bad now if not worse and I still don't understand? I literally feel like I'm crawling out of my skin and I'm at that point again I'm scared to be alone or around my kids cause I might do something stupid or lash out at them and it's gotten that severe again.

is it normal to have this severe of an emotional wave this far out with benzo WD I mean to go from being functional although suffering to completely in crisis mode feeling like I'm losing my mind again after 8 1/2 months?

I mean im pretty sure the burning tightness pressure and pain in my head seems to be a common benzo WS symptom but this emotional wave is I think as far as I can remember just as bad if not worse than 8 months ago when I first came off and was right out of the hospital and I'm really scared here.

also on the Zoloft I tried to measure that out to see if someone could help me figure out what dose I'm really on and what I need to do once I get the graduated cylinder and if it would be possible once we can figure the dose to just taper like this and is it even safe to taper right now with how severe these symptoms are but then if the Zoloft is adding to this I don't see any other choice but to taper I'm so confused please help.

July 8, 2017

Oh that's another thing too my symptoms have gotten so severe over the last week insomnia has hit again big time and where I was getting 5-6 hours of sleep and able to rest before I'm lucky to get 2-3 now over the last 4 days so that's just added to it but just trying to explain how truly severe these symptoms have become again

July 8, 2017

Getting a graduated cylinder was first mentioned 3 1/2 months ago on 19th March:

"Let us know when you get a new container to measure. A graduated cylinder is best. Then we'll talk about your next taper."

On 28th March this was posted:

"For now - just continue as you have - your sports bottle method is fine. We've said that before. Just keep doing it. It's your next taper that you will need to be more precise about."

Edited July 8, 2017 by ChessieCat

July 8, 2017

So for now should I stay with still measuring with the syringe for now with my bottle to be more accurate or dose it matter right now as long as I keep using that 100ml line to measure and keep it as close and accurate as possible? That's the thing to with my measurements earlier and idea of where I'm at with the dose cause when I switch to the cylinder I'll have to know that?

And these emotional symptoms and this wave of severe mental symptoms?

MaizeNblue81: Tapering Zoloft during severe acute Xanax WD

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