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Trauma, subpersonalities, the lie and constant change.


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#1 GiaK

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Posted 28 December 2016 - 07:55 AM

First appeared on Beyond Meds: https://goo.gl/lzNdFO

 

Musings for the years end.

Some traumatic experiences are such that there is no one who is equipped to help us heal. This is okay. We can still find ways to heal. The village will be involved, but it’s unlikely that any one person will know how to meet our needs.

 

What is not OK is when we are told we must get help from this or that professional because sometimes (with some frequency) those professionals are hacks to our trauma.

 

Healing, more than anything, becomes an exercise in learning to trust oneself. This is especially important when there are people about who want to force us to do things that are counterproductive to healing. Unfortunately the medical and psychological establishments perpetuates many such treatments.

 

My village has been patch-worked together from all over the world. I’m profoundly grateful for the internet given I would not have healed otherwise.

 

***

 

the neglected one, emerging, actually hurts…physically…she is creativity, she is boundless and she’s not wanting to be silenced anymore. The pharmaceutical brain injury impaired the nervous system so profoundly that there is much work to do in healing this body, this container. this is not the stuff on spontaneous perfection…though it is an inherently and profound process of spontaneity…

 

***

 

The lie is often very painful and confronting it is therefore scary. But confront it we must so that we can let go and be free.

***

 

When I’m really healing everything is constantly changing…I always have to be ready to totally do everything differently all over again. For example there are many herbs I couldn’t tolerate at all at one time that then become the most important pieces of the puzzle for a time. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s actually totally insane to be told one must take pharmaceuticals for the rest of their lives. That is, most of the time, shutting down any chance of ever healing. It creates stagnancy…it is the opposite of healing.

***

The most amazing part of this journey is revealing itself within the context of a detoxification process. Sadly, this further alienates me from almost everyone since it’s simply largely not understood or believed in the west. Both Chinese medicine and Ayurvedic medicine understand the importance of detoxification and it’s pretty fundamental to their systems. There are in fact a great many critters in our bodies…both healthy and unhealthy ones…microscopic bacteria, virus, yeast etc. (and now, modern humans deal with unprecedented amounts of toxins too)

 

Detox is by no means a state of deprivation in most cases either…many people imagine it involves intense fasting. (sometimes it does but most of the time it does not and in instances of severe illness or deficiency it’s contraindicated) … in any case the detox I’ve been involved in is correlated with mental/emotional/psychological and spiritual cleansing/purging/trauma release/development of clarity etc.

 

Again, most people can’t even conceive of what I’m talking about though *some* chinese and ayurvedic sorts can follow and trust my process to, at least, some degree. I don’t feel like I sound like a crazy person when I talk to such folks, in any case.

 

My mind is being blown (in a good way) daily now and I am catapulting to a healthier and healthier nervous system. (baby steps are good and it seems the only way on this journey)

 

I should add that while there is an element of alienation there is also a profound sense of coming home: to my body and the human family both.

 

All that said, this remains a long process. I was on death’s door. Bedridden, nonverbal with totally atrophied muscles. Healing takes time.

***

First piece of info I ran with when I found myself non-verbal and bedridden was from a friend who said, “be curious about your experience.” Being hopeful in the heinously difficult condition I found myself in was actually impossible…being curious was not. Now you might say that surrender *and* curiosity is the foundation of my practice… curiosity, really, is mindfulness.

***

https://goo.gl/lzNdFO


Beyond Meds: http://beyondmeds.com/

I withdrew from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.

I took a bit over 6 years to do it. Finished on Feb 9 2010. I'm still recovering from iatrogenesis.


#2 KarenB

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Posted 03 January 2017 - 11:17 PM

Some traumatic experiences are such that there is no one who is equipped to help us heal. This is okay. We can still find ways to heal. The village will be involved, but it’s unlikely that any one person will know how to meet our needs.

 

This is profound, Gia.  Once again I'm so glad you take the time to share with us your journey and musings.  Wishing you much love and healing in 2017.


2010 May Fluoxetine 20mg. Raging mostly stops, become more functional.
2011 February Escitalopram 10mg (sudden switch). 2012 January Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Early June Feeling great, decide to taper. Doc advises alternate days 20mg/10mg for 4 weeks.  Late June Steady. Drop to 10mg daily. Early July Not coping, raging, flu symptoms, shaky, anxious, low, spaced-out, self-destructive.  Mid July Return to alternate days 20mg/10mg - minimal improvement. Early August Return to full dose 20mg. Lost.
2014 February Switch to Venlafaxine. (First reduced Esc. to 10mg/day for a week) Feb-April Lost, 'light' self-harm, exhausted.
April Increase Ven. to 150mg/day. Dizzy. July 75mg twice a day to improve dizziness. Deep depression remains.  2015 Feb Vigilant dose spacing partially eases dizziness. Mar Switch to Effexor 75mg 2x/day. May Cut 10% to 135mg - bad w/d 2 mths, held 1 mth.  Aug 1.3% cut - bad 1mth, held 1mth. Oct 4 wkly 0.4% cuts held 6 weeks. Jan 2016 2 wkly 0.4% cuts. 8 month hold. Sept Wkly cuts: 0.5%, 3 1% cuts.  Oct 4 wkly 1% cuts, hold 3-4 weeks.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamins E & C, magnesium, iron, MSM, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.  My story of healing: ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor or counselor; please do your own research and be prepared to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.


#3 GiaK

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Posted 04 January 2017 - 05:08 AM

You're welcome, Karen. I'm glad you find it helpful. I don't share everything here. I'm never really sure what might speak to people.  If folks feel so inclined it's good to subscribe to the blog which you can do from the right column on the site. Then you get everything.

 

Here is yesterday's new post:: 

Empaths, empathy, healing and relationshipshttps://beyondmeds.c...mpaths-empathy/


Beyond Meds: http://beyondmeds.com/

I withdrew from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.

I took a bit over 6 years to do it. Finished on Feb 9 2010. I'm still recovering from iatrogenesis.