I'm new here and wanted to tell my story in hopes of getting help with something I do not understand. I was originally diagnosed with dysthymia, a type of depression, probably back in 2010? Hard to recall a lot of details because I was so out of it. My doctor prescribed me Fluoxetine 20mg and I did fine, felt better. I had to be moved to Celexa 20mg due to some financial issues and still had no issues with the change. Early this year I did notice some problems, mainly just some depression coming back but it was pretty easy to deal with, hardly noticeable.
Once again due to problems with moving, money, and getting into a new medical group I went off Celexa. It was a slow taper, can't remember exactly how, but I was only taking it one every other day to help make it last longer so maybe that's why it was easy to taper.
Three months later, October, I was able to get back on it. Wasn't a bad depression but I felt I needed the drug, maybe because I was on it for awhile and was afraid to go back to my high school, depressed self. Worst decision of my life. I had my first panic attack, scared me so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. Had them again the next day and discovered it was the Celexa. Anxiety attacks and panic attacks were constant the rest of the month. My psychiatrist decided to try me on Paxil 20mg (let me throw in she didn't even speak to me, just had a relayed message to her that I was having bad reactions) and a week of that made me suicidal for the first time in my life. I was so scared of myself, the way I thought, the crying spells, and even chest pain, shivering like I was freezing, couldn't eat much, even scared to go to the bathroom because of how it made me feel.
P-doc decided to try me on Buspirone 5mg twice a day. I was scared. Terrified to try anything else, but my counselor told me I couldn't do this on my own. So I tried it. It definitely helped with the anxiety, to the point I didn't need someone in the bathroom with me when I showered. I did end up feeling like I got the flu and my chest pains scared me to the point I went to the ER. I was give and they said it was from anxiety, stay on the Buspirone and talk to my p- doc.
Was getting better, but still had derealization. So, I decided to try the Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg that I was supposed to be taking around the same time as Buspirone. First day gave me a bad migraine that carried on to the next day. Second day I was a zombie. Today, the third day I was supposed to take it, I couldn't. Woke up panicky, severely depressed, chest pain worse, and couldn't stop crying. Still couldn't talk to my doctor, couldn't get anyone to tell me if I should or should not try it, despite the fact I was a bawling mess. I've never felt so bad and so scared, with the terrible intrusive thoughts, the headaches, the blurred vision, the racing heart. Didn't want to go back to that time of taking Celexa again. So I'm not taking it anymore.
So that's my story, but I'm left with confusion and many questions. Why do I have anxiety now despite me never having it? Can medication really cause it? Will it go away? Will I get better? I know my situation is so light compared to others and those who are dealing with worse are so strong. They give me encouragement! But now I'm wondering if I should go off Buspirone too or if I should stay on it while the Venlafaxine is working it's way out, then go off it? Should I stay on it? Kinda don't have faith in my doctor or counselor, always leaning towards meds, meds, meds. Can anyone give advice or experiences?
Sorry if the post is long. I'm on a phone and can't see it's full length. Thanks ahead for reading and responding!
Edited by scallywag, 04 March 2017 - 03:03 PM.