Dez

Dez: Antidepressant Hell, Need support

186 posts in this topic

I can honestly say this wave I'm in is bad. Cried a lot, bad depression, chest pain, can't sleep, severe derealization, very tight throat. Done with the Nystatin and I'm still unsure what's going on with my sudden plummet in mood. I think it's because my period is next week. I always seem to get really bad around that time.

 

On another note, I found a YouTuber who has some great ideas, processes, and techniques on being positive and mindful. I've watched him today and snapped out of my bad mood for a bit so I'll continue watching him.

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I'm right there with you girl! Crying jags off and on all day. Trying to keep the hope alive that I'll heal from this. Sometimes just googling images for 'positive coping statements' helps me.

Pms is the absolute worst for me. Just ride it out knowing it'll be over soon.

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Waiting,

 

Thank you for the encouragement! It's not usually this bad with me but there's been a lot going on, so it probably isn't helping. On top of that, I have to go to my mother's tonite night and won't be returning until Saturday. Really not looking forward to that, as she's been very grumpy and stressed out recently. Lord, help me.

 

Praying for healing for everyone! Please pray for me as well!

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The course of Nystatin could be a factor in your feeling down. The immune system is tightly connected with the CNS and endocrine systems. Please be patient with the process and gentle with yourself.

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I hope you feel better soon! Keep us updated. You are strong. Remember that! You are going to feel so much better again!

 

It could be what scallywag suggested as well. Last month I felt much better when I was on the antibiotics for a couple weeks but everything went to crap once I stopped. They messed with my hormones and my cycle was 12 days late (extremely uncommon for me). Pms & my cycle last month was a nightmare. I haven't had good windows since then either. It will all even out again. Keep the faith dear, you are doing great. How long has this wave been for you?

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Thank you all for encouraging words. These waves can be very strong and it's always nice to hear things from others.

 

It's possible the meds are messing me up. I also did a buspirone cut last week but the cuts never bothered me before. Perhaps with everything going on it's just one of those times. I always have really bad luck with things so everything always seems to happen at once. Guess I'm prepared for life's worst, huh?

 

This wave started coming on not long ago, I actually seen the drop start but I didn't know it would plummet. This really bad low has only been going on a few days, last night hitting me really hard. I was very depressed, in pain, feeling nervous or anxious (I'm honestly not sure which, I think I've moved past it enough to not recognize it anymore), headache, hot and sweating, and could not get to sleep to save my life. At one point I heard a train in the distance and thought of going out and jumping in front of it, it was so bad. Obviously I'd never do that but it was scary. I finally got some sleep but I woke up in the same state, eventually having it lift later on. It's exhausting. Crying does seem to help, so when I feel it coming on I just let it happen.

 

I'm hanging on to the best of my abilities. I slid back a bit towards hell but I'll move forward eventually. I do still have the horrible thoughts of "what if I don't get better," "what if I'm stuck like this for the rest of my life," "what if I actually do need medication to function and I blew it," and so many more but I try to just let them float in my skull a bit before sending them out my ears (if you haven't noticed I use analogies for everything lol!). I'll hold on the best I can. In the process I'll help anyone out to the best of my abilities as well. Just because I go through this too doesn't mean I can't be some kind of support to someone else. Perhaps we'll lean on each other as we hobble our way through this storm together.

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Hey dez saw your post on aeroman recovery .

 

I have recently gotten that throat, Breathing thing . And I think I know what it is . I've had all these tests and nothing showed but this makes sense as the body is in a tremendous amount of distress so the throat can spasm . It's not harmful but can feel like it's closing and this bringing on anxiety, extremely annoying symptom because I'm not anxious and it's there. It occurs because WD is so stressful. It will clear up when the body relaxes. High anxiety can bring it on, but WD ANXIety and symptoms are 100x worse so that could easily bring this on. Get it checked out of you need reassurance but it's 99.9999 WD

 

http://laryngopedia.com/cricopharyngeal-spasm/

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Hello Mort,

 

Thank you so much for replying to me! It's always nice to hear the opinions of others going through this, though I'm sorry others have to experience it.

 

I had a feeling it was associated with anxiety or WD, I've never had it until that. I'm also pretty sure the chest pain I'm having is costochondritis, which can also be caused by anxiety and stress. I came from the doctor today happy because most of the Candida is gone, but I wish the throat pain went away as well. The good thing in all of this is at least I know it's temporary and that others have passed through hell and broken the surface! Thank you for the reassurance! Praying for your healing!

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Hey dez saw your post on aeroman recovery .

 

I have recently gotten that throat, Breathing thing . And I think I know what it is . I've had all these tests and nothing showed but this makes sense as the body is in a tremendous amount of distress so the throat can spasm . It's not harmful but can feel like it's closing and this bringing on anxiety, extremely annoying symptom because I'm not anxious and it's there. It occurs because WD is so stressful. It will clear up when the body relaxes. High anxiety can bring it on, but WD ANXIety and symptoms are 100x worse so that could easily bring this on. Get it checked out of you need reassurance but it's 99.9999 WD

 

http://laryngopedia.com/cricopharyngeal-spasm/

 

Hi Mort,

 

(Sorry Dez for barging in on your thread).

 

We have to remember that WD/Stress affects EVERY muscle in our body....so that means ANY muscle can potentially spasm.  So why not in our throat??

 

My therapist told me this, and it makes sense even though it may seem silly.

 

JC

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Hello Mort,

 

Thank you so much for replying to me! It's always nice to hear the opinions of others going through this, though I'm sorry others have to experience it.

 

I had a feeling it was associated with anxiety or WD, I've never had it until that. I'm also pretty sure the chest pain I'm having is costochondritis, which can also be caused by anxiety and stress. I came from the doctor today happy because most of the Candida is gone, but I wish the throat pain went away as well. The good thing in all of this is at least I know it's temporary and that others have passed through hell and broken the surface! Thank you for the reassurance! Praying for your healing!

 

Dez,

 

I've definitely had costochondritis and was so scared when I first experienced it.  Initially I thought it was a digestive issue related to acid reflux....Africa mentioned that its possible to get inflammation there.

 

WD makes every part of our body hurt in some way that's for sure.

 

JC x

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Dez -

 

I have been thinking about you and wanted to check in and see how you are feeling.

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O,

 

Thank you for checking in! I was wondering about how you were doing as well. It's been a bit of a tough crawl I think. While my mood hasn't been in a pit, it's been dampened, almost literally since it's been rainy here recently. I've noticed on rainy days my mood can be down to pretty depressed. It's difficult sometimes but I'm hanging in there.

 

I've given myself a routine to follow and so far it works. I'll say a prayer in the morning, mostly giving thanks, then do what I need to in the bathroom, then finally stretch ought my muscles. It helps surprisingly well. My appetite has been very good lately and I'm still following a lose Candida diet. The doctor said most of it is gone, so that makes me happy.

 

My chest pain comes and goes, but I accept it and move on. I think stretching hellos in that. Recently I've been getting these weird feeling headaches that kinda worry me. It's either from allergies, weather, or lack of sleep. Or all of the above! But I'm hanging in there and staying positive as best I can! I hope you're doing well?

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Dez -

 

I am sorry to hear that the weather has you down, but I can understand.  Hopefully you will see the sun soon.  I think the littlest things can effect our moods while we are in withdrawal.  I know the simplest things get me depressed or crying.  I think using the word "crawl" describes withdrawal.  It is a crawl with speed bumps along the way.  I think I am currently stuck on a speed bump.

 

I like the routine you follow.  I think it is great to have a routine, I should establish one. I am glad to hear that your appetite has been good.  I am so happy to hear that the Candida diet is working for you.  That is wonderful news.

 

Sorry to hear about the weird feeling headaches.  Can you take anything that will help them?  I woke up last night with a really bad headache.  I took two Tylenol and it helped.  When I was on Prozac I use to get about 5 headaches a week.  Luckily, now I might get 1 a month.  When I was on Prozac I didn't realize it was the stupid Prozac that was causing all my headaches.

 

I am glad to hear that you are able to accept your chest pain.  I know it is hard to just accept how you are feeling and being able to move on. 

 

How are things with your sister?

 

I have noticed that  I have developed some new withdrawal symptoms.  I believe that I have DP/DR.  I am having problems connecting to people and I feel like a stranger in my house.  I have also started having this weird feeling where I want to cut my hair, not go to the hair dresser but like a two year old playing with scissors.  What is that about?  I have never had these thoughts in my life, even when I was two.  What would cause my brain to think it is a good idea to pick up scissors and randomly start cutting my hair.  I am a grown woman and know that isn't something you do.  I blame withdrawal, what else could it be?
      

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O,

 

Crawl is definitely a good word for withdrawal. You literally have to crawl through to get through every day. The speed bumps seem more like mountains at times.

 

The routine definitely helps. It gets my brain thinking in a pattern and gets me going on the morning. As for the Candida diet, it's things in moderation. The full blown Candida diet had me sick. I ended up getting keto flu from it, it was awful!!

 

I just accept the headaches and let them pass. I have horrible allergies so I'm taking Claritin, so I'm hoping that held in the long run. Have to use a rice sock for heat at night to try to ease my tense muscles, which could also be causing the headaches. My upper body is always so tense! I'm not surprised Prozac caused your headaches. I'm curious if my AD ended up causing mine as well.

 

Things are going alright with sis. We've been playing games at night and having fun, as well as working our imaginations out talking about random things. It helps a lot.

 

I have DR constantly and out can really throw someone off so badly! I'm sorry you have to go through that, but do remember it's withdrawal. Try to observe things rather than be scared of them. I noticed I would cause myself stress and anxiety if I freaked out over my DR. Please do your best with it! The cutting your hair urge sounds like an invasive thought to me. If you've never had these thoughts and they bother you, I would classify them as invasive. The mind is a powerful thing and very unusual, but it will pass. All this is temporary.

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O,

Crawl is definitely a good word for withdrawal. You literally have to crawl through to get through every day. The speed bumps seem more like mountains at times.

The routine definitely helps. It gets my brain thinking in a pattern and gets me going on the morning. As for the Candida diet, it's things in moderation. The full blown Candida diet had me sick. I ended up getting keto flu from it, it was awful!!

I just accept the headaches and let them pass. I have horrible allergies so I'm taking Claritin, so I'm hoping that held in the long run. Have to use a rice sock for heat at night to try to ease my tense muscles, which could also be causing the headaches. My upper body is always so tense! I'm not surprised Prozac caused your headaches. I'm curious if my AD ended up causing mine as well.

Things are going alright with sis. We've been playing games at night and having fun, as well as working our imaginations out talking about random things. It helps a lot.

I have DR constantly and out can really throw someone off so badly! I'm sorry you have to go through that, but do remember it's withdrawal. Try to observe things rather than be scared of them. I noticed I would cause myself stress and anxiety if I freaked out over my DR. Please do your best with it! The cutting your hair urge sounds like an invasive thought to me. If you've never had these thoughts and they bother you, I would classify them as invasive. The mind is a powerful thing and very unusual, but it will pass. All this is temporary.

Hi Dez,

 

Well done for beating your Candida!

 

I am curious as to how your doctor is assessing the infection level though, as here in the UK they haven't got a clue; and I am relying on homeopathy and naturopaths to help me get rid of it - as well as a proper anti-Candida diet.

 

Hugs,

JC

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Dez -

 

You are so right.  The speed bumps do seem like mountains and withdrawal makes you feel like the size of an ant crawling over them. 

 

My husband has always told me that I need to establish a routine, but I never do.  I think I should reevaluate it especially since you say it helps you. 

 

I am sorry to hear that you got so sick from the Candida diet.  I thought I had Candida a year ago because of how nauseous I was and how white my tongue was.  I was never diagnosed with it. 

 

My headaches were awful.  I ended up at the chiropractor, and that gave me some relief.  When I was on Prozac I was taking headache medicine like it was candy.  Thankfully now I hardly have to take anything.  It is awful what these medicine do to our bodies.  You were probably getting headaches from your A/D. 

 

I am happy to hear that things are going well.  I am glad that you are able to enjoy your time with your sister.  Having fun is the best medicine in withdrawal.
 

Thanks for your advice with the DR/DP.  It is scary when you don't know what is happening to you.  Withdrawal causes the weirdest things.  I will do my best to observe them.  It does sound like wanting to cut my hair urge is an invasive thought.  I have never had these thoughts before.  I will view it as an invasive thought and "try" and let it pass. 
 

I try and remind myself this is temporary but then there is part of me that says..."what if it's not"  I do know that people recover from taking these medicines.  I hope and pray that we both recover. 

 

Thanks again for your kind words and support.  It means a great deal to me!!!

       

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JC,

 

Thank you very much! It's still a battle right now but all is good.

 

My doctor ended up looking in my throat to see how bad the thrush was. In the beginning my tongue was very white and out was in my throat. Currently my tongue is the pinkest it's ever been, but I still have some Candida on my throat. I'm working on helping the good bacteria in my body so it can fight off the Candida on it's own. So far nothing has come back and I'm on a very lose Candida diet now.

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JC,

Thank you very much! It's still a battle right now but all is good.

My doctor ended up looking in my throat to see how bad the thrush was. In the beginning my tongue was very white and out was in my throat. Currently my tongue is the pinkest it's ever been, but I still have some Candida on my throat. I'm working on helping the good bacteria in my body so it can fight off the Candida on it's own. So far nothing has come back and I'm on a very lose Candida diet now.

Ah, I see!

 

I asked because the Candida has affected a number of different areas around my body, and I don't think a doctor could assess them and attribute the symptoms to Candida. An example of this is my mysterious "phlegm thing" which I've had since November.

 

It's one of a number of different symptoms which have lingered in my body...and would suggest compromised immune system.

 

Like you I'm working on putting billions of good bacteria into my body. However, I know I have "leaky gut".....another symptom not recognized by doctors.

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Sounds like a pain my friend. Hope you feel better soon eh? :)

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I've fallen into another strange mood cycle again. It's becoming clear to me that every time I have trouble sleeping, my mood drops drastically. I've also had more chest pain recently, which I can't even pin down what the pain even is and it frustrates me. Such intense pain always in the same spot, sometimes keeping me up at night and I can't figure out what's causing it. I feel like if there was a cause or someone would tell me it's ____ then I'd have more comfort. It's driving me crazy. It hurts right down my breastbone, sometimes down into my stomach and off to the sides of my ribs. Sometimes I can poke one location and it hurts, other times it's not painful anymore. Perhaps it's anxiety, even if anxiety isn't on my mind. I'm not really sure. Honestly, I just want it to go away and never come back. I do my best to accept it, work with it, even doing light exercises every day in hopes to make my body stronger as it goes through all this. But now it's to the point I'm scared to even try to sleep just because I know tossing and turning and being in pain is what awaits.

 

My mood has dropped significantly too, though that could be because lack of sleep, chest pain, storms moving in, or a combination. Staying positive is so hard during these times. I know it's temporary and I know this is just a wave, that it'll pass soon, but dammit does the pain make it hard to believe that. It can't be anything with my heart or lungs, a chest x-ray in November confirmed that, therefore it must be anxiety/withdrawal/possibly costochondritis. I've read with constant stress it's possible for costo to take quite some time to heal and anxiety makes that much worse. I'm just scared is all. I'm scared that I'll be living with this forever or that I can't function normally without medications. I'm so scared of everything.

 

I'd love to hear from anyone if they've had similar experiences to such pains. Looking at success stories does a great job of making hope stay alive, but I don't see much about chest pains or much pain in general.

 

I know it'll pass eventually and that I just need to hang on through these storms. I'm doing my best to not let this beat me.

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hi dez ,sorry for your pain .

I agree with u about moods after no sleep ,i try to be very mindfull of my thoughts and moods the day after not much sleep.

I mostly sleep ok but do have very vivid dreams and nitemares ,witch makes me wonder do i get deep sleep.

 

Im convinced i get decent sleep because theres barely a day i dont get out for a walk [at least 5km ] ,yesterday my body was fighting exercise so I didn't go too far and then some days I can go for a jog also

I'm lucky I have lovely quiet areas to walk,to get away from traffic and the wider public to get peace.

 

I believe there's a connection with the stress hormone cortisol and our body's ability to wind down in the evenings, if this isn't burnt off somewhat our body's are full of tension .

Believe me I know its hard ,but I always have a podcast or music to listen to while I'm out walking. to try and distract me somewhat  and motivate me

I cant even jog unless I listen to music .

I always go out a few hours before bed ,if it to close to bed time after a walk it has the opposite affect ,it takes the body a while to wind down.

Take care        

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I've fallen into another strange mood cycle again. It's becoming clear to me that every time I have trouble sleeping, my mood drops drastically. I've also had more chest pain recently, which I can't even pin down what the pain even is and it frustrates me. Such intense pain always in the same spot, sometimes keeping me up at night and I can't figure out what's causing it. I feel like if there was a cause or someone would tell me it's ____ then I'd have more comfort. It's driving me crazy. It hurts right down my breastbone, sometimes down into my stomach and off to the sides of my ribs. Sometimes I can poke one location and it hurts, other times it's not painful anymore. Perhaps it's anxiety, even if anxiety isn't on my mind. I'm not really sure. Honestly, I just want it to go away and never come back. I do my best to accept it, work with it, even doing light exercises every day in hopes to make my body stronger as it goes through all this. But now it's to the point I'm scared to even try to sleep just because I know tossing and turning and being in pain is what awaits.

 

My mood has dropped significantly too, though that could be because lack of sleep, chest pain, storms moving in, or a combination. Staying positive is so hard during these times. I know it's temporary and I know this is just a wave, that it'll pass soon, but dammit does the pain make it hard to believe that. It can't be anything with my heart or lungs, a chest x-ray in November confirmed that, therefore it must be anxiety/withdrawal/possibly costochondritis. I've read with constant stress it's possible for costo to take quite some time to heal and anxiety makes that much worse. I'm just scared is all. I'm scared that I'll be living with this forever or that I can't function normally without medications. I'm so scared of everything.

 

I'd love to hear from anyone if they've had similar experiences to such pains. Looking at success stories does a great job of making hope stay alive, but I don't see much about chest pains or much pain in general.

 

I know it'll pass eventually and that I just need to hang on through these storms. I'm doing my best to not let this beat me.

Dez,

 

Have you tried getting physio/osteo to help ease the tension in your upper body?

 

It could make a huge difference with your mood.

 

I am well aware how pain/discomfort cause drops in mood and you could get relief from this.

 

JC x

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JC,

 

The problem I have is that I have no health insurance, so going to doctors is extremely expensive. I most definitely would have gone sooner if it were possible, but I don't have a choice in the matter, unfortunately. We just paid off all the ER bills from November and was only able to do that because sis has an awesome job. I'll keep doing my stretches and keep exercising regardless of what happens and see if my body can be strengthened to deal with this. It's a little better today, so we'll see what happens. Thank you for your recommendations. If it gets too bad I may go to a doctor and see what they say. 

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JC,

 

The problem I have is that I have no health insurance, so going to doctors is extremely expensive. I most definitely would have gone sooner if it were possible, but I don't have a choice in the matter, unfortunately. We just paid off all the ER bills from November and was only able to do that because sis has an awesome job. I'll keep doing my stretches and keep exercising regardless of what happens and see if my body can be strengthened to deal with this. It's a little better today, so we'll see what happens. Thank you for your recommendations. If it gets too bad I may go to a doctor and see what they say. 

 

Understood Dez, all of this is very expensive I know.

 

I go the gym at home!  Hubby and I do floor exercises in the living room, we also have a set of dumb bells and a kettle bell.

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Figured I should mention some things going on currently. March was better than February but there's still a lot of symptoms that persist, others that are..new? I'm starting to lose track of symptoms that I have all the time and ones that I don't. Good thing, I hope.

 

Improvements:

  • Anxiety/Panic Attacks: I haven't had one of these in a long time. I'm not sure if they'll come back or not but for now, I don't have these.
  • Heart palpitations: Not sure when these disappeared
  • Agoraphobia: Most of this is gone, though there are times I do fear being out (mostly because of worry of an attack or feeling bad, etc)
  • Physical Activities: I can take long walks, do simple exercises, clean the house, and do some lifting without many issues
  • Cognitive Function: This has improved but there's still a long way to go
  • Nausea: Improved, still get it on occasion 
  • Invasive Thoughts/Suicidal "Feelings": Nearly all of this has gone away, though very rarely will I get a sudden mood drop and feel this for a short time
  • Depression: Definitely get this still BUT it is improving and I'm learning how to deal with it
  • Shaking: Most of this has gone away, the shaking feels more internal now than actually seeing myself shake
  • Insomnia: This has definitely improved, sometimes I sleep way too long given the chance, but other times I just can't sleep when I need to. My pattern so far has been sleep for four hours, wake up for about an hour, sleep for another three. The second step sometimes makes me sleep longer than three, but I almost always wake up four hours later no matter what I do.

Continued Symptoms:

  • Headaches: Very frequently, but it is allergy season and the weather has been awful
  • Stomach Pain: Almost every time food hits the stomach; this pain varies in intensity
  • Chest Pain: Worst symptom so far. Varies in intensity, sometimes not there at all. Bothers me more than anything else. Sometimes get a "panicky" kinda feeling, like excitement feels in the chest but it's not pleasant. At all. Number one symptom I want gone right now
  • Mood Drops: These come in my waves, but sometimes happen at random. Sometimes they're short lived, other times they last for days
  • Derealization: Varies in intensity, usually rather bad; sunny days seem to help a great amount, surprisingly. Second symptom I want gone
  • Vision Problems: I have bad vision anyway, but this is different; sometimes very blurry, sometimes clear, some flashes of light, spots, floaters (had them before WD, just got worse), learned I have Visual Snow
  • Loss of Appetite: This comes and goes, but when it comes it's horrible. I have to force nutrition shakes and food down just so I can keep a stable weight. Even if I don't feel like eating I have to, my weight dropped scary close to being unhealthy
  • Negative Thoughts: Yes. Just yes.
  • Muscle Weakness: After doing physical activities, I feel so worn out. I quiver from even simple exercises and this can last all day at times
  • Period Mood Swings: Ok, all jokes aside, this isn't normal. Around my period I get so depressed and down that it's painful. Sometimes it's hard to do anything because of the mood this puts me in.

New Symptoms:

  • Sensitivity to Pain: Everything hurts, mostly internal things. I've come to think this might be associated with my chest pain. Perhaps the gas pains and angry digestive system has caused this, along with other things. Headaches also hurt more, along with that sleepy-eyed pain if you stay up too long. Physical pain doesn't seem to bother me so much (stubbing toe, cuts, scratches, bruises), but muscle pains, gas pains, chest pains, head pains, eye pains all seem to hurt more than I thought they would.
  • Temperature: Lately I've had moments when my temp will rise above 99 degrees and I suddenly feel so horrible. It'll drop later, then sometimes raise again. It's confusing and it worries me. It gets me feeling so sick at times, like something's really wrong.
  • Cold Tingles: Recently got these. It's like a tingling sensation down the arms, legs, or fingers, but it feels kinda cold? Might just be my perception of the tingles
  • Hair Growth: I'm female and I'm noticing some growth that I really wish I didn't. Most don't notice it but I do. I'm rather confused about this, do ADs really cause things like this? Or is it a coincidence? Will it stop/go away? Ugh.
  • Broken Capillaries: This right here has made me so self conscious. I'm starting to fear I'll get rosacea at this point. I've had very very few before, but for some reason once I hit WD these things are becoming either more noticeable or are actually appearing more. Any one else have this issue?

Things That Helped:

  • Daily Routine: As soon as I get up, I say a prayer of thanks. Then do bathroom stuff, get dressed, and do my stretches and exercises. This alone has helped me get rid of that horrid cortisol spike.
  • Good Diet: As best as I can, I try to eat healthy. Vegetables, coconut oil instead of canola, few sugars, Kefir for those awesome probiotics, Boost shakes for the nutrition when I have issues eating, and lots of salmon for those omega 3s! I'll post a website that's extremely informative about omega 3s!    https://draxe.com/omega-3-foods/
  • Music: Medatative, Binaural Beats, healing sounds, anything to help my brain function properly. I still listen to my normal bunch of music, but when I really need it these kinds of music and sounds help a lot.
  • Brain Games: I go online and look for fun games that can help work my brain out. When doing these, it helps to see that the brain isn't so messed up as we thought (I did very well in a lot of these, despite not feeling like I could think properly). I definitely advise these if no one has done them yet.
  • Nature: Being out on sunny days helps. Staying cooped up inside is horrid, I tell ya.
  • Support: You can still make it through this even if you don't have in person support, but having it helps a lot. Remember, if there's no one for you in person, there's someone in the forums that will listen and help the best they can.
  • Pets: I have four rescued cats and a hamster. Nothing keeps you in tune with reality than petting something fluffy or holding something that relies on you and loves you. They need you still, even if you feel like no one needs you. To me, the purring of a cat is the greatest thing on earth and the most comforting. Plus, they're a joy to have when they get hyper.
  • Crying: If you're in a down mood and you feel like letting it out all, do it. If you can do it around another willing to help, even better. Let those tears out, don't hold back that emotion. Most times for me it made it so much easier. More than likely you were on a medication that didn't allow you to cry, right? Why hold that back now when it's been held back so long? Let it out. It helps.

I've probably missed some things, as it's not easy to remember most of what happens. On top of this, sis and I will be going on a four day trip three hours from here that has been planned for over a year. I'm extremely worried and scared about this. I've improved a lot from how I used to be: I go out to the store all the time, go out to eat, take walks frequently, can stay home alone much easier now. But this is something different. Staying in a hotel might be different AND it's the week before my period. Ugh. I'm going to need prayers, I don't want this trip to be ruined. Perhaps the excitement and new territory will be something that helps instead of stresses. No chores, a nice bed to sleep in, not having to worry about what to do during the day by myself.

 

I'd welcome any opinions on the symptom lists I've had. Has any one else had issues with the temperature changes? I'd like to hear any stories on how others have handled changing symptoms. I'll continue to do my best to stay strong, move forward, and live my life rather than have it hindered by this horrid situation!

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Hi dez your cognitive functioning seems great with that very well put together post.

Its great reading for me so i thank you ,im in a bad state at the moment so reading your positives gives me strenght .

 

The derealization that u mention is the worst and hardest symptom for me to deal with.I think its one of the most horrible experiences a human being can experience.

 

My cognitive ability's are fairly bad ,it takes a long time to try and think things out.I have  taken a  kitchen project on and I am allowing my brain to process information at a much slower pace .doing something if not working full time is a must I think, when symptoms give us a break .

.

But I will admit that not working full time has really affected me [bad depression ].All last year I was pretty busy and managing symptoms  ok.

Then in December I basically had a breakdown I reckon, and its been up and down emotionally since .Doctor suggested hospital and Zyprexa  but I refused, but I notice my partner and some that know are loosing patience.I cant stress over other peoples feelings anymore only we know what we struggle with and how hard we fight.

.

Also the intrusive thoughts u mention is horrible the last few months for me , but my mindfulness that i practice helps in figuring out the fact these thoughts don't define me and I try  to push them away with more positive thoughts pushed in.

 

I'm a huge fan of nature also .I've got great walks near me ,and I can get away from the public on the days I find it difficult to face ,due to my horrible irritability. 

I must get away myself for a little walking holiday .

Best of luck with the trip with your sis .

Take care

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Powerback,

 

Thank you for the compliment and I'm terribly sorry for the late reply. That post actually took awhile to put up because I had to really think about what to say and what has changed. I'm glad it helped you out in some way.

 

I've managed to deal with the derealization by just moving forward, observing my life in the state, and doing what I can to get through it. It helps out a lot to just accept it and go with the flow.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through so much, but you're holding on!! I'm also doing my best to hold on. I think at this point in our lives it's all we can do: keep moving forward and take things as they are for now, but be prepared for changes.

 

Good news is that the four day trip went great!! I was strong and held on and didn't have an attack at all! My mood was good, I was able to be by myself without sis around, I was in a crowded place almost always, new city (an actual city, not a town), cars, loud noises, weird smells. I never knew I could handle so much going through all of this. I worked through my chest pain and literally accepted everything that came my way. For once I can say that this situation, this poison, this horrid withdrawal process had absolutely no control over me. Since then I've pushed forward through many things and can honestly say it's much easier. I'm still in early withdrawal but I refuse to let this control my life. I will get out there and live my life to the best of my ability. It may not be what I want right now, but all be damned if I let this continue to beat me down. You can do it, we all can, just hang in there!!!!

 

That being said, I have a question that I've been very curious about. I'm currently taking Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo (have been since I was like 19) and I'm really worried about it. I've become so paranoid about medications that now I have no idea if I should get off this too or stay on it or what. Talking to a doctor is something that will be done, but I'm still worried I'll be fed lies. I hope this paranoia goes away one day. It makes decision making very difficult. Go online and look up any medication and you'll find horror stories about them. I made this mistake with my birth control. But I need some relief and some advice about this from those who either have been through it or know anything about it, as I'm really worried about meds now. I was originally on it for regulation (in high school I went sixth months without a period due to stress). Going through withdrawals, it's hard to tell if the med is causing something or not. Any advice?? Thanks in advance!

 

Closing words, keep moving forward! Try your best at what you can do and be mindful! Your brain will lie to you about what you can and cannot do, but don't give in!! Keep trying, keep living! "Whatever happens, happens, but I won't let this beat me." ~ Irishwill

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Hi dez,i cant give u medical advice no were near qualified .But without question u are very correct to be paranoid about medication as all of us know how damaging medication​ is .

 

For the rest of my life i will question everything to do with medication and rightly so ,i recommend doing loads of research and informing yourself so u can make an informed decision.

But we have to be prepared to make serious changes in our lives because there's a lot of medication prescribed simply to counteract our lifestyles.

 

I have enjoyed learning so much about the body and the Ying and Yang of anything we put in it ,very difficult for me to consume information but i try my best.

 

People mite be sick of me promoting a man called DR Peter breggin .

This man gave me the hope back in humanity when i finally turned my back on the western worlds model of medicine.he is the future of health care i really believe this .

 

The great Peter gotzsche has a website called the Cochrane centre,u mite be able to find research on your medication there .

Take care

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hi dez ,my apologies ,RISK.ORG would probably be better than the Cochrane centre for checking out your medication  

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Thanks, powerback.

 

Today I woke up with...a panic attack? I'm questioning it because it was just the physical symptoms, my mind actually stayed pretty calm for the most part, so I'm not sure if it's panic, anxiety, or cortisol spike. Was awful though, heart was racing like mad. Now I'm on the couch resting, exhausted, bad headache, severe derealization, stomach pains, nausea, dry mouth, some body pains....but I can honestly say I'm proud. I didn't mentally panic and I remained so calm. I should add I'm home alone with sis nearly two hours away. There is hope yet!

 

Thinking about what could cause it, I didn't get to sleep until dawn supporting my boyfriend who is going through his own situation right now. I was out all day yesterday not feeling too well (though not the first time), ate more junk food than actual food, which isn't something I normally do (did have a wonderful salad for dinner with miso soup), and didn't have much real food. Late into the night I felt bad, low mood, and bad headache so maybe I'm just exhausted from things. I'll keep this in mind for next time. For now I have to make it through this pain and exhaustion, but I at least know I'm not letting this beat me down so easily. There is improvement, so I'll stay strong and keep going.

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Thinking about what could cause it, I didn't get to sleep until dawn supporting my boyfriend who is going through his own situation right now. I was out all day yesterday not feeling too well (though not the first time), ate more junk food than actual food, which isn't something I normally do (did have a wonderful salad for dinner with miso soup), and didn't have much real food. Late into the night I felt bad, low mood, and bad headache so maybe I'm just exhausted from things. I'll keep this in mind for next time. For now I have to make it through this pain and exhaustion, but I at least know I'm not letting this beat me down so easily. There is improvement, so I'll stay strong and keep going.

 

Late nights and stress might have been the cause. I was having a pretty bad anxiety wave week, but it turned into a nightmare after being up late Thursday when my 10 year old daughter ended up in the ER (thought it was her appendix, turned out to be nothing, but it was a scare, she was in serious pain for a while).

 

That wrecked me for Friday, even though I was scheduled to be off of work anyway for a rest day. Then Saturday saw my worst anxiety attack ever, lasting pretty much all day long.

 

And today has not been much better.

 

Hang in there, Dez.

 

SJ

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Posted (edited)

Hello! Amazing that you made it through that! I'm happy that you're doing so much better!

 

I currently have chest pain, bad headaches, and all in all don't feel very healthy, especially in my chest. Did you have any of these issues too? Kinda feel like my heart has a hard time pumping blood but I don't know if it's just withdrawal symptoms causing me to focus more on it. In December I was tested and was fine but it's hard to believe withdrawal can cause this much pain and sick feeling!

 

I hope you recover 100% but you seem to be well on your way!!

Are you on Risperidone? Have you quit cold turkey?

Edited by scallywag
moved from a success story topic

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Hello! Amazing that you made it through that! I'm happy that you're doing so much better!I currently have chest pain, bad headaches, and all in all don't feel very healthy, especially in my chest. Did you have any of these issues too? Kinda feel like my heart has a hard time pumping blood but I don't know if it's just withdrawal symptoms causing me to focus more on it. In December I was tested and was fine but it's hard to believe withdrawal can cause this much pain and sick feeling!I hope you recover 100% but you seem to be well on your way!!

Are you on Risperidone? Have you quit cold turkey?

Hello! I have not been on Resperidone or quit cold turkey, but I did taper Celexa way too fast.

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Been a short while since I posted.

 

It's period week, so of course the symptoms are bad. This time, however, rather than mostly emotional and mental issues I'm having a lot of physical ones. I have been staying up pretty late working on drawings for Mother's Day (Mom always prefers gifts I make her rather than ones I buy). I started taking a Vitamin B Complex, as well, since I read online that taking one is good before going off birth control. I will be going off of mine to see if it helps me feel any better. It might make things worse, it might make them better, but at this point in time I feel I'm able to handle just about anything...

 

Tonight while I was showering I got these bright spots in my eyes. Kinda like that salt and pepper look we sometimes get when we stand up too fast, but this time it was just white spots. I'm not sure if that's normal or if I should look into going to the eye doctor for a check up. Headaches have also been happening for about three weeks now, but that could be from all the allergy issues going on plus the tension. It's very difficult to tell what is withdrawals, what is normal, and what is caused by other things. It's enough to drive anyone to insanity. I'm hanging in there though. Staying strong and dealing with whatever comes my way. It won't beat me.

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