Dez

Dez: Antidepressant Hell, Need support

189 posts in this topic

Been a short while since I posted.

 

It's period week, so of course the symptoms are bad. This time, however, rather than mostly emotional and mental issues I'm having a lot of physical ones. I have been staying up pretty late working on drawings for Mother's Day (Mom always prefers gifts I make her rather than ones I buy). I started taking a Vitamin B Complex, as well, since I read online that taking one is good before going off birth control. I will be going off of mine to see if it helps me feel any better. It might make things worse, it might make them better, but at this point in time I feel I'm able to handle just about anything...

 

Tonight while I was showering I got these bright spots in my eyes. Kinda like that salt and pepper look we sometimes get when we stand up too fast, but this time it was just white spots. I'm not sure if that's normal or if I should look into going to the eye doctor for a check up. Headaches have also been happening for about three weeks now, but that could be from all the allergy issues going on plus the tension. It's very difficult to tell what is withdrawals, what is normal, and what is caused by other things. It's enough to drive anyone to insanity. I'm hanging in there though. Staying strong and dealing with whatever comes my way. It won't beat me.

 

hi Dez ,I also have the headaches they consume my time cant pin down exactly why I have them , 

Ile second the line it wont beat me ,yesterday could of been one of my worst days ever for symptoms and depression.

we all deserve peace so we never give up in our quest .

PB

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Hello, PB.

 

I'm sorry you're still struggling so much in this. But you're right, we never give up, we can't. How long have you had your headaches? What do they feel like? Where are they? Maybe this is just a thing with withdrawal. I'm sure it'll pass but it's been killing me to the point I have to stay in bed most of the day until I feel better to get up. I hope healing on you, my friend!

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Hello, PB.

I'm sorry you're still struggling so much in this. But you're right, we never give up, we can't. How long have you had your headaches? What do they feel like? Where are they? Maybe this is just a thing with withdrawal. I'm sure it'll pass but it's been killing me to the point I have to stay in bed most of the day until I feel better to get up. I hope healing on you, my friend!

Hi dez I'm conflicted about being in withdrawal because I still take the drug ,but I'm definitely in a tolarence trap as in they stop working and are just creating problems.

My headaches are all through my head with ruminating and nasty intrusive thoughts almost like my thoughts been taking over by something ,I'm really scared but determined to fight every second of the day.my living arrangements kind of force me out of house everyday so I get no peace sometimes I do,I believe I have too make huge decisions to reduce stress.yesterday i didn't get out of bed till 4pm had a small walk to supermarket.

 

Just back from my doctor witch is never a comfortable experience ,there almost trained how to deal with me I reckon because it's known how critical of there job I am ,I noticed today how quick he was to shut me down when I go down a certain avenue of criticism ,the scary thing is this doctor is even liberal and open minded,I got what I need for now then shook he's hand to be polite .

Fight fight and never give up .

Respect

PB

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Hello, PB.

I'm sorry you're still struggling so much in this. But you're right, we never give up, we can't. How long have you had your headaches? What do they feel like? Where are they? Maybe this is just a thing with withdrawal. I'm sure it'll pass but it's been killing me to the point I have to stay in bed most of the day until I feel better to get up. I hope healing on you, my friend!

Hi dez I'm conflicted about being in withdrawal because I still take the drug ,but I'm definitely in a tolarence trap as in they stop working and are just creating problems.

My headaches are all through my head with ruminating and nasty intrusive thoughts almost like my thoughts been taking over by something ,I'm really scared but determined to fight every second of the day.my living arrangements kind of force me out of house everyday so I get no peace sometimes I do,I believe I have too make huge decisions to reduce stress.yesterday i didn't get out of bed till 4pm had a small walk to supermarket.

 

Just back from my doctor witch is never a comfortable experience ,there almost trained how to deal with me I reckon because it's known how critical of there job I am ,I noticed today how quick he was to shut me down when I go down a certain avenue of criticism ,the scary thing is this doctor is even liberal and open minded,I got what I need for now then shook he's hand to be polite .

Fight fight and never give up .

Respect

PB

 

 

Hey PB, I understand about the nasty thoughts and feeling like your mind has been taken over. I had an episode of that some time ago and I nearly freaked out from it because I couldn't stop thinking it. In the end singing ended up helping me out, focusing on something that would get my mind elsewhere. Perhaps doing that will help you through those moments.

 

Keep fighting it or at least surviving through it. Give it time and try doing things to keep you busy, even if it's just sitting down and doing something like reading, writing, sewing, use a coloring book, something to just "burn time" as Aeroman says. I've picked up my art hobbies again, which is AMAZING considering I lost that interest while being on ADs. It's slowly coming back, I even drew my mother two large pictures for Mother's Day. Push through it! You will get through this!

 

Even if the doctors don't believe you, we do here. I believe in you!

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Hi dez thanks for your warmth and encouragement ,I listen to Eckhart tolle, he's a genius what he says about the addiction of thinking ,I'm listening to the power of now at the moment ,ile listen to it a few times ,I'm always falling asleep when relaxed :D .it helps me with over thinking of past failures and future thinking overwhelming me .

I only went to  doctors the other day to have a slight drug change, thankfully I'm a good while now  ever going to listen to there rubbish again .

working part time and always try to keep busy ,finished a kitchen project that I enjoyed recently.

Respect and take care

PB     

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Hey PB, glad that you're working through things!

 

So there's this new place in town that works with pet stuff that I decided to apply for because I figured I need something to get me out of the house. People say it helps in some ways during withdrawal. I have a job interview Monday and I'm terrified. I figured if Irishwill can do what he did after going through all of that then so can I. Just need some support from those who do have jobs.

 

How has working part time helped you?

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Figured I'd give a bit of an update. It's been a long road and it's still going.

 

Work started June 7th and for awhile it was fine. I was able to get up, go to work, and deal with people and situations fairly well. Still felt like crap but managed it. In the beginning, 8 hours was the main schedule while the store was being set up, then it went down to 5 hours, which was a lot easier, but it was almost every other day with no consecutive days off. Still was doing fairly well.

 

Then the situation with my grandmother went downhill. Cutting it short, she passed away and it's been hell ever since. My boss has me on backup now, my schedule has been blank for awhile. This doesn't help with the negative emotions and feeling like a failure at life. The symptoms seemed to get better for awhile then suddenly just dropped. Today, just a little bit ago, I had my heart race, headache, feeling like I was going to pass out, chest pain, muscle weakness everywhere, feeling of exhaustion, tight throat, dizziness. The only thought that came to mind was "oh no, I've fallen back into a pit again." On top of all of this, I'm home alone, which makes me even more anxious when things start happening. During the time of the "attack" I took my temperature. It was 99.3, so it spiked up a bit. I thought all these "feel like I'm dying" symptoms finally left and that I was finally healing, but that is just too easy it seems.

 

Honestly, I feel lost right now. I'm in pain, feeling horrible, and those close to me have gotten tired of me being this way. I don't blame them. Sometimes I get tired of myself too. Lately the memory problems have hit me, as well as the DR getting much worse. Nothing around me seems real and it's almost like my mind is trying to merge what I watch on TV with my reality. It's like June was okay and then towards the end it just got so much worse. Will it end? Ever? What if I'm like some people and 7 to 12 years down the line I'm still fighting this? Can I even fight that long? Am I going crazy?

 

I'll keep fighting, though. I don't really know why but that's all I know how to do. Sorry for this post, just really needed to get it out in some form or another.

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Hey girl. Firstly I want to say I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. Hugs!

 

Secondly, I think you gotta give yourself (& your CNS) a little credit! You have been doing really awesome! It's also ok & probably even expected that work stress and a huge family stress could form a waveish type thing. (Both of those situations are highly stressful for someone not in wd.) You will keep healing & become stronger in the ability to handle external stress along the way :) 

 

It WILL end but every one says it's not a straight line to get there. You are one of the toughest & most optimistic people I've talked to. Take those 'what if' thoughts and toss them. This wavey thing will pass like always. 

 

I think i know how you are feeling in a way... I think people around here call it battle fatigue. Sick and tired of being sick and freaking tired. Even though we know we are slowly getting better overall we just want this to be OVER and get on with life. 

 

I hope you feel better real soon. Hang in there. I'm rooting for you! 

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Hey, Waiting.

 

Thank you so much for your reply. It really does help to have support from someone going through similar situations and sensations. Thank you also for your sympathies, it's been really hard on my family, but it's also a good thing. Mema no longer has to suffer and she's with the love of her life now (she was married to him at the age of 15!). I'll take your words to heart about healing and working through this. I never thought anyone would call me optimistic! Thank you!

 

I know you've gone through so much! If anyone knows anything about the sensations and feelings, it's you. You're so strong and doing so well in fighting this! We'll support each other through all of this. Thank you so much. Sending you happy thoughts and prayers!

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