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Dez: Antidepressant Hell, Need support

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#73 Dez

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 10:49 AM

Thanks, Flowers.

I may have done too much that day. I was thinking that the conversation is the biggest factor, as I can't stand talking politics with close minded people (I never argue with anyone, but trying to calmly avoid an argument is quite stressful if the other person doesn't try, too). I felt pretty normal up to that point. Then the mood just dropped throughout the rest of the night and got really bad when I tried to sleep.

You said you experience this as well. Will it go away? Will I be able to go out and do things while going through withdrawal? I've heard people having full time jobs and everything through this. I don't know how they do it!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#74 Flowers

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 11:09 AM

Dez - I think it was the stress. Let me give you some hope....

I was in bad WD 2 years ago after a too quick taper advised by my Dr. I had to updose and managed to stabilise and last year I felt really well even though I was tapering. I was working and socialising and learnt to manage any mild symptoms that came up.

Of course everyone is different in how they heal but it is possible and we must never give up hope.

I hit a wave in December which has been bad but I am just sitting it out waiting to settle down again. It will happen eventually. In the meantime I am trying to distract myself in anyway I can from the symptoms, doing my relaxation exercises and mindfulness and avoiding stressful situations!

Flowers xxx
15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM
MAY 2014   Increased to 40mgs
SEPT-NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10mgs as per Dr's instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations
 Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.
DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes, limbs, muscle pain, fluct. temp,weakness,depression,anxiety,nausea,giddy,
Walking like I am drunk.
DEC 2014 Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.
DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.
DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. Haven't taken any BROMAZEPAM for 2 weeks +.
APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.
JAN 2016 CIT:Started taper. Reducing by 5%. 28.5mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs. FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit.

#75 Dez

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 11:15 AM

I see by your signature that you were on antidepressants for many years! You're very strong and I want to congratulate you on coming so far! You do give me hope and I thank you for sharing that with me. I think sharing experiences and even small accomplishments are helpful to others.

I'll do my best to avoid stressful situations, but I think sometimes they're inevitable. I have two appointments to go to in February and not looking forward to either and I have to stay with my mother for a week and help her move (and she's already a stressed woman, bless her heart). I'll do my best, though. Thank you for your words of kindness!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#76 Flowers

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 11:24 AM

You are very welcome Dez.

I think it is how we deal with stress that matters and what coping skills we have developed to get through it. It might be worth having a look at some of the things recommended on this site.

Just remember you are not alone - we are all going through the same but will be stronger and wiser when we are well.

Take care.

Flowers xxx
15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM
MAY 2014   Increased to 40mgs
SEPT-NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10mgs as per Dr's instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations
 Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.
DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes, limbs, muscle pain, fluct. temp,weakness,depression,anxiety,nausea,giddy,
Walking like I am drunk.
DEC 2014 Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.
DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.
DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. Haven't taken any BROMAZEPAM for 2 weeks +.
APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.
JAN 2016 CIT:Started taper. Reducing by 5%. 28.5mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs. FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit.

#77 O2bhappy

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Posted 31 January 2017 - 02:39 PM

Dez -

 

I have tried some aromatherapy.  I apply it to the bottom of my big toe.  Do you use a diffuser or apply to your skin?

 

I wonder if I had/have derealization.  When I was first in withdrawal I would have a tremendous amount of brain fog.  I would look in a minor and not recognize myself.  When I drove I felt like I was sitting in the back seat and not driving.  When I walked from one room to the next it didn't feel like I was actually walking.  Does that describe derealization?

 

I have days that I write in a gratitude journal but when I am in a wave that is very hard to do.  You know when you feel bad it is hard to be grateful.  I try to remind myself that it could be worse. 

 

Sorry to hear that you are struggling right now.  Wouldn't it be nice if we felt the same everyday because we would know what to expect.  Withdrawal changes day to day and sometime minute to minute.  Hang in there.  This will pass.  I know it is easy to say it's withdrawal but when you are in the middle of it, it isn't easy.  One day at a time or even one minute at a time.   


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: DP/DR, internal shaking, crying, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and scared feelings.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.


#78 Dez

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Posted 31 January 2017 - 03:09 PM

O,

I use a diffuser every night with a mix of different oils. Makes the room smell really good and puts moisture in the air.

From what it sounds like, it seems that that is DP/DR. It's hard to describe it and some experience it differently, but it sounds like a general description of it.

I tend to write in one journal every night and one journal when I feel really bad. Writing things out seems to help. Today is a window, it seems if I get better sleep then I have a better chance of a window. I'm doing my best currently, but I'm scared of next week. I have to help my mother move, go to a doctor's appointment, and spend a week with my mother who is a very stressful woman. She blows everything out of proportion. I don't think she really believes what I'm going through so I'm worried I'll get really stressed out when I'm there. My mother is the one person in my life that has to stay. I'll do what I can but I'm very worried...

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#79 O2bhappy

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Posted 01 February 2017 - 10:31 AM

Dez -

 

I think I will start using the diffuser again.  I have several different oils that I can try. 

 

Maybe I should add DP/DR to my signature. :)  It is something that is hard to describe.  All I knew was that I didn't feel like myself at all.  I couldn't figure out what was going on with me.  I blamed it on withdrawal but didn't know what to call it.  Thank you for explaining it to me. 

 

I agree that writing things out help.  I include writing on this forum as part of journaling for me.  I am happy to hear that you got some sleep and are having a window. 

 

I can understand about being nervous about next week.  While you are helping your mom take breaks and take some deep breaths.  Try to stay focus on the present.  The fact you know your mom blows things out of proportion can help you prepare.  Do your best to ignore her.  I know this is all easier said then done, but try not to let yourself get too stressed.  I understand she cannot understand what you are going through, but you could show her this forum and show her that what you are going through is real and a lot of other people are also going through it, maybe that will help somehow. 

 

I am here for you if you need to talk! 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: DP/DR, internal shaking, crying, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and scared feelings.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.


#80 Dez

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Posted 01 February 2017 - 05:36 PM

O,

Thank you so much for the encouraging words and for helping me out. I always support others but seem to have issues supporting myself. For example, today was absolutely awful! Hardly any sleep, irritated, upset. Had two crying spells and got very depressed with intrusive thoughts. I'm trying not to let it hold me back. Having dinner at a friend's house and going to play some games, but I'm not into it. Just really out of it.

I really hope I heal. I guess when I read people's stories I always hear them say they weren't very depressed when they were first put on ADs. I was. I was in a very bad situation in life, so I'm thinking my depression was just environmentally influenced, but I'm so scared that's my default. During withdrawals you really start to wonder who the real you is, if the depression IS the real you or not. I guess that's my biggest fear. Really just needed to get that out.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#81 O2bhappy

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 07:04 AM

Dez -

 

You are very welcome.  I know withdrawal is very tough and everyone needs all the support they can get.  I am not very good at supporting myself either.  I will beat myself down, which isn't helpful.  Unfortunately, I can totally relate to hardly sleeping, being irritated and upset, the crying spells, being depressed and the intrusive thoughts. That is my everyday existence.  You should be very proud of yourself that you went to dinner at your friends house and played games.  That isn't easy to do when you are not up for it and not feeling well.  I hope you were able to enjoy yourself. 

 

I understand it is hard to figure out who the real you is during withdrawal.  I was put on Prozac for panic attacks but I am now depressed.  I think it is part of withdrawal.  I read all the time on this forum about having coping mechanisms.  I have tried various coping mechanisms.  Some help me and some don't.  They also don't seem to help when you are in a bad wave.  You said you were in a very bad situation in your life.  Has that situation improved?  Just because you were depressed years ago doesn't mean you will be depressed once you heal from withdrawal. 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: DP/DR, internal shaking, crying, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and scared feelings.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.


#82 Dez

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 08:34 AM

O,

I'm so sorry that you are going through all this as well, it's really not pleasant for anyone. Do you have chest pain and pounding heart/more awareness of your heart beating? I find this the most alarming of all my symptoms. I'm doing my best to follow the Dr Claire Weeks method of recovering because I feel it's the only option at this point. I'm also confused on what I should do. So people say just rest and heal, don't force yourself, while others force themselves and say it's the best thing to do. So I'm not sure which I should do.

I'm far from the horrible situation I was in so many years ago. It started when I was in sixth grade and followed me past high school, even. I was depressed for many years before I was put on medication, which is why I'm so concerned. It's much better and I try to think that if given the chance, the therapy, the coping methods, and things settling down in my life, maybe I would have healed.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#83 Dez

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 02:55 PM

Today, I went to the new psychiatrist that I was referred to. It's a story for sure, but I think it needs to be told!

The place that I go to is rather small, the people are nice, but they seem to lean towards medications the majority of the time. That being said, I respect them for one thing: they have a list of medications they refuse to prescribe, including some of the really bad drugs like Xanax and Clonazepam.

Today I walked through the doors, nervous as can be, thinking of what I would say, reminding myself to be strong and deny any medication they would try to give me. My sister was with me for support, which was desperately needed. Up until recently I'd go there once a month for counseling and once a month for psychiatry, not nearly enough visits. This visit was seeing another psychiatrist that mine referred me to, which didn't sound good. I was so nervous.

A nurse calls my back, usually to check weight, blood pressure, heart rate, and ask questions. I've lost more weight, my blood pressure was ever so slightly high, and my heart rate was through the roof. That last one is typical. I'm asked how I'm doing, if I'm having suicidal thoughts, am I sleeping well, so on and so forth. I answer as honestly as I can without going into detail and I still get "okay do you don't want any more antidepressants right now," as if I'll walk in in a month wanting back on them.

Um....no, but we'll leave it at that.

The nurse, still a very kind lady, mentions that I was there to try something else, but if I didn't want anything yet then that was alright. She let me know when the doctor would be in and my sis and I went back to the waiting room. I was already devastated. Hearing her trying to put me back on meds crippled the little amount of confidence I had. I got more nervous, heart rate going up, I started feeling like I was floating, which I never had, but I tried remembering Dr Weeks method and did my best. Shortly after the doctor walks in back to his office.

Oh God.

This man was intimidating!! Tall, big guy with a serious face slightly laced with age and slick black hair with tanned skin. His serious face instantly made me think he was part of the mafia and he was going to eat me alive about my "non-existent symptoms."

"Just breathe," I told myself. "Breathe and remember Weeks method." This helped immensely, I recommend everyone read the topic on her method. Eventually I was called back and I thought I was going to pass out. Face. Acceptance. Float. We walked back to the office and had a seat. He asked which one was me, asked who my sis was, and we got to business.

He had a slight accent but I could understand him. He was very straight forward, asking me questions, then would put an understanding "good, good, that's all" to let me know he needed no further explanation. The biggest, most surprising question he asked was WHY I was put on antidepressants in the first place. No one has done that.

Finally, he spoke. "We have learned that, through studies and medical history, medication in combination with cognitive behavioral therapy works well." Oh no. He was going to put me on another medication. I knew it. "However, cognitive behavioral therapy, by itself, is equal to or better than the combination."

.....what?

He smiled at me, his eyes were bright, and went on to tell me that I'm on the right track. He wants my sister to help put me through college to get a degree so I can get a job to "bring in the bread and butter," but wants me to continue doing my art on the side, what I originally went to college for. He told me I could quit buspirone, though I'm still going to taper, and ordered a note that I see a counselor for cognitive behavioral therapy once a week, way more than I have ever seen my counselor. While he didn't believe the withdrawal syndrome lasting so long and that I could cold turkey my buspirone, this man was the first doctor to tell me I didn't have to take anymore medications and fully supported me in healing without them.

This man made me so happy and so relieved that I hugged him and he returned the hug strongly, confidently, as if I was a long time friend. He wasn't scary, he wasn't rude, and he was more so against me taking meds than I thought he was. He himself seemed ready to fight and argue reasons I shouldn't take them rather than the other way around like other doctors.

I guess I just wanted to tell this story for others, letting them know that the methods of calming down do work (I was a train wreck but I managed!) and that some psychiatrists, even if they don't agree with everything, are willing to work with patients. I'll keep everyone posted on how I do! Praying for everyone!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#84 Waiting12

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 03:05 PM

Now THAT is a good story! Keep up the good work dear! I'm very proud of you. We are going to get through this.


Jan 2011-Feb 2015 on Zoloft 50 mg (or 100 mg don't remember) for panic attacks. Dropped to 25 mg for a few months and quit without any major problems until in Feb 2016 started feeling derealization, headaches, nausea, dizziness and vision issues. Dr. told me it was probably stress and to restart Zoloft again after being off 1.5 years.

July 2016 tried Zoloft 25 mg (1 dose adverse reaction)
August 2016 tried Paxil 12.5 mg (19 days adverse reaction)
November 2016 tried Celexa 5 mg with Buspar 5 mg (11 days adverse reaction)
December 2016 tried Lamictal 25mg (4 days adverse reaction) Took Ativan 0.25 mg about a dozen times between Nov & Dec.

 

Pharma-Free since 12-13-16.

 


#85 Dez

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 03:31 PM

Thank you, Waiting!!! I wanted to post it to let others know. I was so scared and thought I was going to pass out so many times or my heart was going to give out! After that my sis and I went to a bakery, we went to a thrift store, going to the grocery, and going to hang out at a friend's place for dinner. I'm pushing through life as best I can, I don't want this thing to eat away my life more than it has.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#86 Waiting12

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 08:46 PM

You are doing wonderful & I admire your determination. Your strength will guide you through this!

Jan 2011-Feb 2015 on Zoloft 50 mg (or 100 mg don't remember) for panic attacks. Dropped to 25 mg for a few months and quit without any major problems until in Feb 2016 started feeling derealization, headaches, nausea, dizziness and vision issues. Dr. told me it was probably stress and to restart Zoloft again after being off 1.5 years.

July 2016 tried Zoloft 25 mg (1 dose adverse reaction)
August 2016 tried Paxil 12.5 mg (19 days adverse reaction)
November 2016 tried Celexa 5 mg with Buspar 5 mg (11 days adverse reaction)
December 2016 tried Lamictal 25mg (4 days adverse reaction) Took Ativan 0.25 mg about a dozen times between Nov & Dec.

 

Pharma-Free since 12-13-16.

 


#87 Dez

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 08:51 PM

Thank you!!! I admire you as well! Your so strong to go through so much panic and stl make yourself do things. So proud of you!!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#88 Aelius

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 04:27 AM

Dez, it`s great news! I`m very surprised that the doctor asked you about the reason why you were put on medication and admitted that CBT could be better than taking meds. I wish your new psychotherapist was a sympathetic one to support you through/after the withdrawal period.


05/06/2015-05/21/2015 Zoloft C/T, 05/2015-08/2015 Clonazepam 2x0.5mg (reduced to 0 during one month), 05/2015-08/2015 Trazodone 150mg (last month 100mg, reduced to 0 during 7 days), 09/2015-07/2016 Clonazepam reinstated after one month off to 2x0.25mg (benzo free since July 28, 2016), 09/2016 Escitalopram 5mg (10 days), 10/2015-04/2016 Venlafaxine 150mg (3 months) 75mg (3 months) C/T, 01/2016-04/2016 Olanzapine 2.5mg C/T, 04/2016-05/2016 Lamictal 100mg (5 weeks, reduced to 0 during 7 days)), 08/02/2016-08/16/2016 Valdoxan 25mg C/T,

08/23/2016-09/21/2016 Venlafaxine 75 mg (reduced to 0 during 7 days),

07/27/2016-10/10/2016 Buspirone 3x5mg (Oct. 1-3; 5mg-2.5mg-2.5mg,)(Oct.4-5; 2.5mg-2.5mg-2.5mg)(Oct. 6-8; 2.5mg-2.5mg-0)(Oct. 9; 2.5mg-0-0),

10/25/2016 - reinstated Buspirone 3x5mg (Dec.13-19; 5mg-2.5mg-5mg) (Dec.19-Jan.1; 5mg, 2.5mg, 2.5mg) (Jan.2-11; 2.5mg, 2.5mg, 2.5mg) (Jan.2-19;1.67mg, 1.67mg, 1.67mg) (Jan.20-27; 0.83mg, 0.83mg, 0.83mg) (Jan.28-Feb.05; 1mg, 1mg)(Feb.6-0mg)

08/10/2016 - Mirtazapine 30mg (01/26/2017-02/19/2017,27mg) (02/20/2017-03/05/2017,25.5mg) (03/06/2017-03/12/2017,24mg) (03/12/2017-03/19/2017,23mg) (03/20/2017-04/02/2017,22mg) (04/03/2017-04/16/2017,21mg)

01/26/2017 - present Mirtazapine 20mg

Supplements: Aloe Vera drinking gel 50ml/day, Fish oil 1200mg


#89 Dez

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 09:10 AM

Once I speak to the counselor I'll tell her more about withdrawals. I'm hoping to look through the scientific journals and all so I can print some things out for her but I have some issues finding ones that explain withdrawal symptoms really well. I think it's cause I have issues focusing still.

I did too much yesterday though. I couldn't get to sleep no matter how hard I tried. Heart pounding and I was aware of every beat. I was so exhausted too and I only got five or six hours. Haven't been sleeping well for the last week and I don't think anything will help. Still have to help my mother move tomorrow and that starts before 8am! NOT looking forward to that! I'll do my best, though, and keep pushing forward. Best wishes to all!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#90 scallywag

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 10:52 AM

Dez, here's an article from the journal, American Family Physican: Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results
Cymbalta (brand name), 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 20 mg to 7 mg in 2016, exact doses and dates in this post;
2017: 6.3 (58 beads) Feb. 1; 5.6 mg (52) Feb. 22; 5.4 mg (50) Mar. 15; 5.1 mg (47) Mar. 25; 4.9 mg (45) Apr. 5; 4.5 mg (42) Apr. 14;
Current dose: 3.5 mg (32) 2017-Apr-26
+ Supplements: fish oil (1500 mg EPA/500 mg DHA), Vitamins: D3, K2, C; Minerals: Mg, Se, Cr, I, V
scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet


#91 Dez

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 10:57 AM

Thank you very much, scallywag! I'll be sure to look into that!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#92 O2bhappy

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 08:31 AM

Dez -

 

Yes, during withdrawal I have become more aware of my heart beating.  In the beginning of withdrawal I would take my pulse all the time to make sure it was okay.  It is very alarming. 

 

I haven't read much about Dr. Claire Weeks work but I have seen several people mention her.  Is there a video of hers that you watch or something you are reading.  I would be interested in check it out. 

 

It is hard to decided what the next step is in this whole recovery/healing processes.  I think it is wonderful that you had such a good doctors appointment.  I have been seeing a therapist since Nov 2015.  I would not be this far along without her.  She actually told me that A/D are not meant to be on long term.  I told her that she was my new antidepressant.   

 

I do not drink, but I certainly understand why people do.  Going through this cold turkey has been very difficult, but I am starting to see some improvement.  Unfortunately, today is not one of those days because the past two days I have been in a very bad mood.  Nothing trigger it, I just woke up this way.   Being on Prozac I was never in a bad mood and that is what I miss about taking it.   


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: DP/DR, internal shaking, crying, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and scared feelings.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.


#93 Dez

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 10:22 AM

O,

It is very alarming. I also have really bad chest pain with it. I've been to the ER but nothing is wrong, so I think it's stress and anxiety.

http://survivinganti...nervous-system/

The link is for Dr Claire Weekes method. I used it all night and found it actually works once you get used to it. I'm still not there yet but I'm working on it.

I'm sorry that you are going through so much, especially the mood changes. I find those very hard to deal with sometimes, especially if I go from a good day to suddenly feeling depressed. I'm still scared about it, as my thoughts try to take over my day to tell me I'll always be depressed, but I'm beginning to learn to fight that off better. This will not take my life away, literally or metaphorically. I've never relied on a counselor so much so this will be new to me, but I'm happy that you've found one that helps and understands.

I can sympathize with missing an AD right now. My world isn't real to me and even in sunny days I can't connect with it. I hate the feelings that withdrawal gives me, things I've never felt when on Celexa. I still sometimes wish I never had a reaction to getting back on it so I could have stayed on it, but I'd probably have to get off it in the future anyway. So I try to be grateful, thankful, blessed that I'm still alive, still able to be here to learn from this, be stronger, and learn to be alive.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#94 Dez

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 05:56 PM

Update for now (probably updating too frequently)

This Friday I cut my Buspirone. I'm taking half now, specifically because I don't think they're going to prescribe it to me anymore. I have one more refill so four months to taper off. I've been doing really really well. Felt like my old self, no anxiety, no issues at all. Part of me even wondered if it was buspirone that caused some side effects. My psychiatrist told me to just CT the pill because it was so low it was basically placebo. I knew that wasn't true, but I was almost down to halfway. No problems. I should mention I've been helping my mother move since Saturday. Lifting, moving things, going to a new place, and things going very wrong. But I was fine.

Today, just recently, I had a mood drop. Night is usually really bad for me so this made sense. I've also been eating a not so good diet because my mother can't afford to eat incredibly healthy things. All these things I know. It's been a long time since I've felt a panic attack, most of it's just anxiety. But now I'm feeling those moments. Haven't had an attack yet but I feel one coming. I'm going to stabilize at half pills for now, I have to make it work. I've been trying Dr Claire Weeks methods but this will be the first time I'll try to accept and float with the symptom of panic. I am scared but I'll try to do this. I have to. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow that I absolutely can't miss. I'll have my mother with me for support. I didn't want to taper so quickly but until I see my psychiatrist, I'm unsure if I'll have buspirone longer. I have questions that have been bugging me for some time though.

1) I've seen people say move on with your symptoms, ignore them, keeping working at your job, etc. I understand this because not everyone can afford to wait for healing. But some people say doing that will bother your CNS more and cause prolonged recovery. What's better?? Is it an individual thing?

2) Does Dr Claire Weeks methods work for withdrawals too? If I'm in a depressive state of mind with panic, do I go with them? There's a lot that confuses me.

I have more questions but I can't think of any at the time. I'm being patient, as patient as I can, but it's hard when people try to pressure to go back to college or ask when are you getting a job. I've read Irishwill's recovery (hope it's alright to mention their name) and that helps me so much most times. But as usual during these waves, I feel doubt, feel upset that I'll be like this for so long or forever. I've done a lot over these last few days helping my mother move. I had no idea I could feel so normal. Now I'm dropping again, which I expected. I just hope this goes away, that I can persevere, that I can beat this.

I seem to always type my thoughts here, but it helps somehow. Thanks for any and all who read. Praying for recovery for everyone!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#95 O2bhappy

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 10:50 AM

Dez -

 

Thank you for sharing Dr. Claire Weeks link.  I am going to read it.

 

I have been having a very rough couple of days with my crying spells.  Your right it is hard to deal with it especially after having a good day.  I understand about your thoughts taking over your day.  The past several days I have been very scared about my future and I have had a lot of "what if" thinking.  Yesterday, I spent the majority of the day on the couch.  I couldn't get myself motivated to do anything.  I couldn't stop crying.  I have only cried a few times today, but I feel like there will be more tears today. 

 

I just want to be happy again, like my screen name.  Since coming off Prozac I cannot remember the last time I was happy.  What an awful feeling. 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: DP/DR, internal shaking, crying, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and scared feelings.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.


#96 Dez

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 11:01 AM

O,

I've been reading success stories to help me through those doubts. I'm going to share a link to one that touched me. I hope it helps you out as well.

http://survivinganti...-full-recovery/

Crying can benefit you as well. I know it's miserable and feels like you'll never be happy again, but you will be. Windows and waves. Surprisingly, crying from stress releases built up emotions and stress, but it also has different chemicals than lubrication or happy tears. It actually helps secrete toxins. I never knew! Doing research has it's benefits. You should look up "is crying good for you?" It may be something to distract you.

It will get better. It's going to take a lot of time but it will get there. Hang on. If you need to speak I'm almost always here (I get email on my phone, which is always with me, so I can reply fairly quickly). I know this is so hard to get through alone. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone going through similar symptoms. Praying for everyone's recovery!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#97 O2bhappy

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 05:52 AM

Dez -

 

Thanks for sharing the success story link.  It would probably be beneficial to read them. 

 

I never thought about crying being good for me.  I can't believe how much I have cried during this whole withdrawal process.  I guess I am making up for all the times that I didn't cry while on Prozac.  I have already cried this morning and feel like I am going to cry again.  It just hits me and I can't stop it from happening.  I have even started crying when I have been grocery shopping. 

 

I know recovery takes time.  I know I was on Prozac for a long time and it will take a long time to heal.  I can't remember the last time I felt good and that is frustrating.  I am scared about the future and thinking that I am not going to get better and be happy. 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: DP/DR, internal shaking, crying, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and scared feelings.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.


#98 Dez

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 07:23 AM

O,

You're very welcome. I feel like reading the success stories helps. I read about people so much worse than me getting better and that gives me some hope.

I think the crying can help. If you feel it coming in, let it happen. Your brain is still trying to recover, after all, so you're going to be emotional at times. Just ride through it if it's all you can do.

I understand how you feel, O. These past couple of days I've been struggling with depression, bad derealization, and bad chest pains. Chest pains scare me so badly but I ignore them/let them be there. I don't have health insurance so it's not like I can up and go to the ER or doctor all the time. I feel like I'm stuck like this forever, I fear that I'll start getting suicidal (even though that's never happened), my brain fires crazy enough to even think I'll be sent to a ward or something. I fear that I NEED meds to function. So many fears and doubts plague my mind. I'm scared.

But we have to stay strong, hold on through the storm. We've made it this far, we can make it through. We're strong.

Yesterday I heard a song on the radio. "Hero" by Mariah Carey. It's beautiful and I cried because of the words. It was uplifting. I find those little sign in life to get me through. And we will get through this.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#99 Junglechicken

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 08:06 AM

The tightness kinda feels like my throat is closing or it's swollen or something. I'm getting plenty of air, so I'm thinking it's just the anxiety tightening the muscles up. It gets scary though at times.


Yes, a very common symptom with anxiety.

<p>Feb 2014 -Cipralex/Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms disappeared over a few days. Have been on this dose ever since and am experiencing "windows" and "waves". Nov 15th 2016 Re-started Therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT. Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 4th Jan 2017. Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment starts - anti-Candida diet starts as diagnosis of Candida Related Complex (CRC). 24 March 2017 DETOX (3 weeks) started for anti-Candida to help "re-set" my gut. April 2017 "Genova Testing 3 day stool sampling" Comprehensive Analysis.  Gut Cleanse - 6 weeks.  Plan to re-start taper (liquid Cipralex/Escitalopram) when feel ready.


#100 Dez

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 08:09 AM

Junglechicken,

Thank you for the reassurance. I've never had anxiety before the second time trying Celexa so feeling all the symptoms are a lot different than reading about them.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#101 O2bhappy

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 01:02 PM

Dez -

 

I read the success story that you shared.  It is good to read them but sometimes they scare me because of how long people are suffering. 

 

I had a complete melt down earlier and while I was crying I was thinking about your advise. I let the crying and screaming happen.  It lasted about 20 minutes. I kept telling myself that this is helpful.

 

I understand about all the fears and doubts.  I am haunted by those thoughts daily. 

 

I wanted to share what I posted earlier on my intro page...

 

I don't understand what is going on with me.  My emotions seems to be better months ago.  I just had a 20 minute meltdown where I cried and screamed because I am so upset.  I am upset for several reasons.  1. Why did I take Prozac for so long and allow myself to get into this situation. 2. I am really missing my golden retriever, who passed away 17 weeks ago today. 3. I have become scared about everything.  I don't really want to leave my house.  I need to run errands but I am scared.  I am starting to feel panicky, which is why I went on Prozac in the first place. 4. I am upset that all my friends go about their lives all happy while I sit here and suffer.

 

I don't mean to complain because I know everyone on this forum is suffering, but I am just really struggling and I am in a bad place. 

 

Days like today make me want to go back on an antidepressants, which is not what I want to do.  I just want something that is going to make me feel better and take away this emotional pain. 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: DP/DR, internal shaking, crying, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and scared feelings.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.


#102 Dez

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 01:46 PM

O,

I understand the fear about how long it takes some people to heal. It does seem like a long time. But remember that a coupe of years is small compared to our lives. If you can get your life back in just a couple of years ago you live the rest of your life truly yourself, isn't it worth it? Everyone who recovered said it was. I can't imagine it, but I know one day I'll experience it. You will too! It's just bad right now. You WILL get through this!

In response to your worries:

1) It's not your fault. Never think that. You did nothing wrong. You looked for help for something you were lost on and went to someone who you thought you could trust. This is most certainly NOT your fault.
2) I'm so sorry that your beloved pet, your fur baby, passed away. It's never easy to lose them. But they are never really gone! I always feel mine near me, like little guardians watching over me. They feel no pain, no fear, no sadness. You loved your pup and gave them a good life, something they will be eternally grateful for. Perhaps you can pass that on to another pup in the future? A rescue perhaps, so you can give them a blessed life to, one you can both share together.
3) During this the world is a scary place! But remember, you are okay, you will be okay. Baby steps. Face your fears, but slowly. Yesterday I went to a doctor's appointment and thought I was going to die, but I did it! It was an accomplishment I'm grateful for. You will reach that, too, so hang I there, sweetheart!
4) It's difficult to watch others go about life so carefree because you are suffering. But you will be one of them and you will have knowledge and compassion beyond them. You will understand people better and know how to love the little things in life people disregard. You will be thankful for so much more than what others who have never gone through this have. You will be a person you, and if no one else then me, will be proud of! You will get there, it just takes time!

Complain all you wish to, as getting it out is much better than keeping it bottled up inside. Venting in any way, whether talking or writing, is good to do. Doubt feel bad about saying how you feel, ever. You will get better, you will heal, and you will be stronger one you do. I'll be rooting for you and supporting you. I believe in you!!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#103 O2bhappy

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Posted 10 February 2017 - 08:22 AM

Dez -

 

You are right.  A couple of years of suffering is small in comparison to our lives.  It is worth it being off these meds, but it can just be so difficult.  When I was on Prozac I remember thinking that I don't want to be on them anymore but I never had the courage to stop.  Then the decision was made for me when my body couldn't handle the change in generic Prozac from one manufacture to another.  The manufacturer stopped making the 10 mg. tablet I was taking. 

 

I was looking for help when I went to the doctor and he tried to help me by giving me a pill to fix my problem  I just really regret taking it for so long.  It stopped working long before I actually stopped taking it.  I wish I had listen to my body and quit, but I think I was so drugged I didn't know the difference.

 

I like to think that my golden is watching over me.  I sometimes hold her ashes and "cuddle" with her.  I know that is sad, but it gives me comfort.  We are planning on getting another puppy in the summer/fall.  I think that will help me.  I feel like a big piece of my life is missing without her.

 

I wish I didn't have to be scared about going out.  I wish I could go to the mall and enjoy myself and not have to talk myself through it.  My hope is that I will get there one day.  I am glad that you were able to get to your doctor appointment.  I hope it went well.  I understand the feeling of accomplishment you must have felt.  I am proud of you. 

 

Thank you for saying that you are proud of me.  I should be proud of myself, but I am not.  Instead I am being hard on myself because I am not where I want to be.  I pray for the day that I am out enjoying my life and people are jealous of me and my enjoyment of life. :-)

 

Thanks for listening and offering support.  I know my family and friends are tired of hearing me talk about how I feel because it is all I seem to talk about.  I am also here for you.  I does make me feel better if I feel like I can help someone else.

 

I am sorry that I have taken over your intro and made it about me. 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: DP/DR, internal shaking, crying, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and scared feelings.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.


#104 Dez

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Posted 10 February 2017 - 09:04 AM

Don't apologize! I don't mind others posting here at all, out allow me to hello myself as well.

I know you took the pills for a long time, but I still believe it's of no fault of yours. You're generally supposed to trust your doctors to help you, but I'm very much untrusting of psychiatrists now. I would never blame you for taking the meds, I did the same thing for a long time, thinking I needed those meds to live my life. I was in such a horrible situation and I felt like something was wrong with me, I was told the same thing recipe else was: you have a chemical imbalance and need to be on medication. All I needed was therapy and someone to tell me that I'd be alright, that everything was going to be okay. That didn't happen.

In my opinion, pets help a lot. I don't even really like calling them pets because they're so much like family to me. I feel they understand me more than most people. It's comforting to have them around. I feel that getting another loving family member would help you out a lot. After all, they need you so, so much.

I'm very proud of you! I think everyone needs to be told that! You're going through so much but you're still here and hanging on. You're strong and brave, every bit of you, despite what you think. You're doing great with what you're going through, never doubt that. You will get through this.

You are always welcomed to post here, I honestly welcome anyone. I wouldn't mind turning my introduction into a full blown group support, really!! :) I feel it reflects who I am, wanting people to get together and help one another, getting support they need. I enjoy helping others if I can, but I feel togetherness is very important during hard times.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#105 Dez

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Posted 10 February 2017 - 09:07 AM

http://www.junior-an...g.uk/relax.html

This has helped me a lot, but I take no credit for finding it. It's from the forum Dr Claire Weekes method of recovering. It's the third box and I advise you listen to all of them. It's very helpful and she's amazing.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#106 powerback

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Posted 11 February 2017 - 02:04 AM

hi dez sorry for your pain I've had a lot of the same symptoms .check out DR john Bergman   on you tube he is  a breath of fresh air  for me .there's a guy on he's link that talks about anxiety and were it comes from and gives great advice on it and help with it ,Bergman also has videos about anxiety its  causes and solutions, it just takes time  to absorb it ,the doctors that we trusted in the first place think there is a quick fix and there isn't   as we have  all come to understand.

I myself am learning more ways to distract my thinking cause it just goes around in circles, like today I will go for a walk no matter what and burn off some stress by running up steps down the beach  near me, its called high intensity exercise .

Take care  


21​/06/2012 citrol10mg for stress, constant urination ,diazepam 2mg 26/07/2012 .12/07/2012 citroll 20mg,

​24/09/2013 Lexapro 20mg.didnt take them for a week during this year felt extremely strange ,had no idea down to drugs at the time .

​20/10/2014 venlafaxine xl 75mg.09/01/2015 venlafaxine xl 37.5. questioned doctor about drop in dose ,I was told no problem.

​13/04/2015 venlafaxine xl 150mg NEVER TOOK THEM getting wise?.20/04/2015 venlafaxine xl 75mg.19/08/2015 Xanax 250mcg [agitated]

​10/06/2015 venlafaxine 37.5mg.02/03/2016 five beads out for taper only lasted till 06/06/2016 extreme irritability and anxiety. 

​11/11/2016 Xanax 250mcg took them for few days ,fairly distressing time [working nearly impossible].11/11/2016 I was given a prescription for  Zyprexa 2.5mg AND DECIDED  NOT TO GET IT FROM CHEMIST.[my doctor gave them a great sales pitch ,talking about other patients that have benefited ,in witch it just annoyed me ]


#107 Dez

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Posted 11 February 2017 - 04:33 AM

Thanks, powerback, I'll look into it!

What symptoms do you get with anxiety? I'm glad some coping methods are helping!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *


#108 O2bhappy

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Posted 14 February 2017 - 07:29 AM

Dez -

 

I have come to view this forum as a community to me.  I think about the people I talk with and pray for them.  I hate that any of us are struggling like we do.  Life should be lived, but I am not sure how many of us are actually living feeling the way we do. 

 

I have come to a different place.  For months I use to ask when is this going to end, but realized that isn't getting me any where.  I still wonder when I am going to get better, but I don't ask the question everyday.  I know I am better, but I am also dealing with new and weird psychological symptoms.  I do wonder if some of it is because my thyroid levels are off and I am back in the hypo mode.  My brain feels very sluggish.  It isn't really brain fog, because I have had it before.  I currently have no motivation to doing anything and I would be very happy just sitting and staring off into space.  I don't have any get up and go.  Yesterday I ran an errand and when I was at the store it didn't even feel like I was there shopping.  I was just going through the motions.  I have so much to do and I don't care that it isn't getting done.  I have to write everything down or nothing gets done.  I also find that nothing keeps my attention.  If I am on the phone I am staring off into space, same with watching tv.  It's frustrating.  I don't feel like I can help myself feeling this way.   

 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: DP/DR, internal shaking, crying, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and scared feelings.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.






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