bhasski

bhasski : Damaged all over .. physically , mentally and spiritually

86 posts in this topic

Hi all ,
I am 8 months off reinstated sertraline for a month ( by doc) and Aripropazole.

History
Its around 4 years back when i passed out my college and not get placed even after making to finals in many interviews .. that i decided to write competitive exam for PG. I had taken coaching but just before exam I came back and found myself unable to recall things. My brain is just like nothing in it.

I found myself in despair and stopped studying.
This fog is happening all the time since my engineering but I managed to get average marks sometimes and sometimes very good .
There is more in back history but I ll get to it later.
So, my parents took me to a psychiatrist ( family known) and he put me to Olanzapine and one more thing. He diganosed me bipolar2. I got about 10 pounds on it but its not help .
Meanwhile after 4 months, with the help of a relative , I got intern in a company and I moved out with fog to a distant city.
TThere in a hospital, they put me on floxetine and Amisulpride for 3 months . Then i moved to a private psychiatrist ... where it starts getting haywire . He stopped fluoxetine and Amisulpride . And put me on Venlafaxine and Seroquel... As i was interning, i get usual heat racing in between job times but my doctor convinced me to stay with it . 4 months and I just started feeling agitated due to stress. It happened that I slapped a senior on abusing me and there I left a job

I never happened to get physical in my school or college .. but it happened. Doctor told me to scrap the prescription he wrote of raising Venlafaxine.
And he put me paroxetine + Oxcarbazepine. In his words , it is best tolerable and has lesser side effects.

I managed to get a job by my own and cracking first time. But this time there is lot of work and culture pressure. Its a startup with full of politics . Boss and his boss .. all keep on putting things. Let office aside, I started feeling some well .. overly casual ... excited .. raged ..
Iits about 25 mg Paroxetine and 300/600 mg Oxcarbazepine. I had unusual violent acts .. had hit a school friend .. insomnia..
I decided to leave the paxil by asking the doctor . He said half in a week and then other half a week to off.

Thats when it all started , i cannot sleep whole night and with day light i start getting a nap. I left going office with fear of state i was in . I cannot wake and even if I .. i was too tired and angry .

Doctor then gave me Mirtazapine which didn't help . I resigned job telling muly boss about all and came back home. It was Nov,2015. I start getting yhese uncontrollable rage that I locked myself in a room.
Parents took to a local shrink who put me on Venlafaxine+ Mirtazapine(CRF), lamotrigine, resperidal, Seroquel. The NEXT Day I woke up so fresh .. all calm like 12 yrs back .. i was smiling happy.. but it lasted only 4 hrs .. and i am doomed again . I took those meds 10 days and i decided to go off.

Physical Damage.

I got brain zaps as sounds with eye movement .. While on Paxil I got severe neck stiffness and movement pains - which came out as Osteophytes.
Anger , heart race , memory, fog , chest pains , fatigue ... All I beared for 4 months.

Reinstatement after 4 months.
Father took me to another psych who put me on Sertraline+ Aripropazole+ Seroquel. I started having increases restless legs than before and the doctor asked me not to go over net. After 2 visits and when he said it wslas Aripropazole for restlessness all time.. and he is cutting it . I stopped all meds .

Withdrawals in 8 months.
All first symptoms with some new like utter sensitivity in teeth. It is while breathe in most of the teeth . Muscles gone from forearms .. My left hands gone ulnar neuropathy and i got surgery done when no hope lived.
Right hand has stiffness too .
MAnger I am living with .. I have stopped talking .. I have decided to go sit on my Shop but I was unable to understand the talk . In spite anger biuts and memory makes it difficult to adjust. I keep forgetting people faces .. important talks . So i stopped .

Now I am muted all the time with burst inside . Read success stories and play CoC.

This is the most I can write now.

Edited by ChessieCat
removed workplace name

Share this post


Link to post

Hi, very sorry to hear about your struggles.....but always remember you are far from alone in this. I can tell that you are an intelligent and introspective person. Sometimes when your brain can't stop and is racing all the time your intellectual gifts can became a hindrance. To be frank, antidepressant can often make everything worse. To the point where one's anxiety and racing thoughts can become unbearable. And you sound as though you're placing too much pressure on yourself. This can be a truly bad combo. The less pressure on someone who is already dealing with depression and anxiety-the better!!

 

It is apparent to me that these drugs have only made matters worse for you instead of better. Such is and has been the case for so many of us!! The fact that you slapped someone out of sheer frustration tells me all I need to really know about what is going on. The drugs are changing your essence as a person! As they did with me and millions of others. I'm not your doctor and cannot instruct you as to what to take or a med plan....but at some point you must look deep inside of yourself and ask are these drugs poisons making things better or worse??

Share this post


Link to post

I still need help as I am not going anywhere. It's past 4am and here I am awake. I feel severe DP and it causes the anger building ... Some mentions parnate (MAOI) helped them but this feeling of fear and denials of Doctors make me hate them.

 

 

I have read a lot, done a lot with no result. Many rituals ( Religion) and acts ... gone through SRT ( Brian Weiss kinda) expenses.... spent a lot. People just ask more money from doomed.

And my parents doing all. More than a year passed, still dunno when will it stop and I am 8 months off.

 

Need help.

Share this post


Link to post

bhasski -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)
 
Discontinuing a psychiatric or neuroactive medication overnight from regular dose to zero is never a good idea. I'm sorry you're dealing with the negative effects of so many medication switches and "cold turkey" stops. Without a doubt, your doctors and the world of psychiatric pharmaceuticals have failed you.

A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, especially for the last 12 months?

  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Medication in the last 2 years is most relevant. Please feel free to leave out drugs taken before 2015.
  • You don't need to include symptoms or diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
  • You can find instructions in this topic: Please put your withdrawal history in signature
  • If you are using a phone or mobile device, you need to switch to the "full" or desktop version of the site. Instructions are in Post 8 and Post 9

Withdrawal symptoms can continue for many months; discontinuing medication suddenly seems to give people the greatest difficulty. Most people see improvement in their symptoms but the time it takes to see improvement varies widely.  After all the medication changes and hard stops, you need to ride out the symptoms over time. You WILL get better.  Keep reading success stories. 
 
Some people experience times when symptoms weaken. We call those windows. You can read about the pattern of recovery here:
The Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

Your brain and CNS (central nervous system) is working to recover from the shocks of the sudden stops of medication. You can learn more about that process at these links:
One theory of anti-depressant withdrawal syndrome
How your brain responds to psychiatric drugs - aka "Brain remodeling"
Youtube video, 4 minutes: Healing from antidepressants
 
 
I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

Share this post


Link to post

 

A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, especially for the last 12 months?

  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Medication in the last 2 years is most relevant. Please feel free to leave out drugs taken before 2015.
  • You don't need to include symptoms or diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
  • You can find instructions in this topic: Please put your withdrawal history in signature
  • If you are using a phone or mobile device, you need to switch to the "full" or desktop version of the site. Instructions are in Post 8 and Post 9

 

scallywag I tried to put the signature but 12 lines did not help much  on mobile phone. I tried to put  it as image and that too failed from mobile.

Share this post


Link to post

bhasski, thanks for letting me know.

The idea of the signature is to give a quick easy-to-understand overview of your medication and withdrawal history: Just list

  • your medications,
  • the doses and
  • the dates you started them,
  • the dates you stopped them and/or
  • the dates you changed doses.

Share this post


Link to post

@scallywag , I added the signature with the most prominent and history. 

Currently started on Ayurveda treatment, but no help as of now. I was also on Pregabalin 75mg after ulnar neuropathy that I just stopped after taking it for 3 months. I remain dizzy, sleepy (while cannot sleep though) and super agitated most of the time.

I dont know when this will end. I am scared to go to the Allopathic doctors now as I believe that they had made me suffer most.

 

Sleep is the issue at night. Also my hand is not working properly after surgery (not a major recovery so far).

 

Been home for more than 1 year ... since resigned my job .

Share this post


Link to post

bhasski, you've had a very rough experience with psychoactive medications including several dramatic discontinuations.

 

All I know about Ayurvedic medicine is that it uses categorizatoin of body types or doshas. That classification may or may not be helpful in dealing with from a CNS (central nervous system) that has been destabilized by poorly managed allopathic medications.

 

Sometimes it helps when we have a better understanding of what is happening in our body to create symptoms. Have you looked at the links (posted above) that explain this:

One theory of anti-depressant withdrawal syndrome

How your brain responds to psychiatric drugs - aka "Brain remodeling"

Youtube video, 4 minutes: Healing from antidepressants

 

What is your sleeping environment like?

Tips to help sleep.

 

What non-drug coping skills are you using to calm yourself and to avoid stimulation?

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.

 

 

Please add pregabalin to your signature with the date you started taking it and the date you stopped.

Share this post


Link to post

Can someone help me with the low blood pressure thing ?

I am having this head tight , dizzy feeling all the time and I forgot to mention that my blood pressure is coming as 95+-/65+-.

I know this is low but not a help with coffee or salt either.

 

Also i know coffee is I have to avoid .. and I avoided both sugar and caeffine frm my routine. Its been 10 months since this blood pressure thing came up.

Share this post


Link to post

I also got problems with bloodpressure. Caffeine makes my Pulse BPM fall to 50s, and i get dizzy. Normaly caffeine should increase BPM. WD from meds can mess up the autonomic nervous system quite a bit. Sugar, alcohol, caffeine, stimulants, supplements and meds is a no go for me. We need to put as little stress as possible to our fragile nervous systems. The medical term for this is dysautonomia. Symptoms will fade over time If we take good care of ourselves while healing. I was a wreck about a year ago. Feeling much better now and still recovering.

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks.

@scallywag .. I have looked over the thread quite a few times but things are not getting good . Having coffee helps for sometime but b.p goes low suddenly with no reason. I can now find it as symptomatic with breath shortness and tension and dizziness in head.

 

I am taking good enough salt and started having coffee at times of crisis.

Share this post


Link to post

Dulled totally. I have taken 1/2 of Quetiapine 50mg that i had somewhere bcoz of frustration of sleep and anger.

 

Waking up whole night and sleep the whole morning when get tired.

 

What it did .. just knocked me out as if sth has squeezed the juice to even open up eyes .. and then 3 hrs of evening dullness. Its like black eveywhere.

It also increased the ulnar neuropathy signs after the surgery. Hell knows what it does.

 

I knew this effect but tired of not sleeping and anger.

Now again I am not sleeping, its 3am .

Share this post


Link to post

Hi all,

 

I don't frequent write here because I feel that there are no answers here in this forum or any other in the world. But it helps when someone reply and there is hope that it brings along.

I am writing as its too unbearable today. I had panic attacks from nowhere as if I am gasping for air while laying down. It started yesterday night 

when I couldn't sleep in night and thoughts of the city I was working came pushing in. Ulnar neuropathy increased of nowhere and my other okay hand also went numb out of nowhere. (More cause of a panic).

 

This has happened before, but since last 3 days I was trying little running, little yoga and today its all bed day with heart beat racing.

 

Also, I had zero digestion today and bloating and pain and mild cramps all day long. My gut has been totally destroyed,  and I couldn't find any

solution as of today. It has been  more than a year of (since I left Paxil).

 

I tried eating home, no fast food since a year ... no heavy indian food. But no help .  No help from probiotic (Now 25 billion CFUs) which I have taken for about 15 days. I left it with frustration. 

 

I have ordered Gingko Biloba. It hurts when you have spent a lot on drugs which made you suffer, costed you your job and life  and then also a lot on supplements. 
Here in India, it cost around triple with shipping and duty.

 

When you read reviews about and  for each supplement people claims result and you found none.

Share this post


Link to post

One more thing I want to ask that if anyone here tried Kefir (milk ) for GI issues. Has it helped?

I know noone taking kefir in my region, but read over about it on web. Pls reply.

Share this post


Link to post

Here's the link to SA's topic:  probiotics-and-gut-health

 

To search SA, I use google and type in survivingantidepressants.org + topic. In this instance I typed in survivingantidepressants.org kefir milk

Share this post


Link to post

This I have read about 3 times. But there's nothing that I can find relevant

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Bhasski, I have tried kefir and it was good for me, I can tolerate kefir because the lactose is broken down, but is not available where I live now so will be making my own. I actually forgot about it until I saw your post so I am glad you asked about it. There was a documentary on tv here and doctors did experiments to see if kefir really did help the level of bacteria in the gut and it was proved to be effective.  Cutting out processed sugar and yeast products also helped me, bread and alcohol affect me badly within hours. 

 

Here is a link with instructions how to make kefir at home. It takes a bit of concentration to understand it properly, but it is one of the easiest I found. I hope you can make it, let us know how you get on. 

 

http://wholefully.com/2013/02/21/how-to-make-kefir/ 

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks mammaP.

Its nice to have someone's experience with you. I will order kefir grains within this week as nobody here know about kefir. Had to order it online at stake of trust. I hope it will make my gut some better.

Share this post


Link to post

Yesterday gone to a Homeopathic doctor. Given me nux vomica and taken 3 doses and feeling bad. Seems like I won't recover bcoz its been 14 months since I left job and idle and blocked thereafter.

 

How long will it be that I will start enjoying anything?

Irritation from people's voices and anger and difficulty in feeling talking eating me.

 

I was taking gingko, but the homeopathy doc made me stop it to see the effect.

 

I am very easily losing patience, if this doesn't work in next 4-5 days.

Share this post


Link to post

Bhasski.  No one can predict how long your healing / recovery will take. As always it takes patience, persistence and it's also great if you have a plan. In effect -  The 3 P's.

 

You will recover in time but I would stay away from the supplements right now with the exception of magnesium and fish oil , which can be helpful in recovery. Start one at a time and at a low dose :

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Ali

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks Ali,

I have tried Magnesium and Omega-3 for about 2 months. It didn't make anything better, not in sleep and not on gut indigestion. It got worse, so stopped taking them.

 

The issue of lost everything feeling makes me more agitated with anxiety. If even there is family meet I feel more and more quiet, irritated, lost, dull, and my past comes back flashes my mind where I used to be hero, up active and now have no answers.

 

Family comes up, says time to time that its in my mind and I should go out. But what should I do of physical symptoms... I have tried going out time to time , but it always made me sad about myself. Not able to put up again.

 

I feel like I am 10 again, dependent on everything. I never learnt to behave in social circle. How to purchase? How to talk ?

 

Where is all the myself gone ?

 

 

I know this is a repeat for everyone here, but this feeling of lost experiences eating me up. I am sorry.

Share this post


Link to post

Did you start taking magnesium and omega at the same time?

 

I started taking magnesium when I started taking omega and I had problems.  But because I started them both at the same time I didn't know what was causing my problems.  I stopped taking both and then later on I started taking magnesium and I have found that it helps with my anxiety.  Recently I stopped taking it for a few days and I felt anxious.  Once I started taking it again the anxiety was not as bad.

Share this post


Link to post

I think I was taking both at the same time.

People and family come to me to strong my will that its nothing only my will power. They say their experiences how certain incidents change them. Sometimes I doubt myself of medicine withdrawal explaining but i don't want to believe that i have weak will.

Share this post


Link to post

Bhasski.  In my last post I mentioned having a plan. By that, I meant finding certain non- drug techniques and coping skills that will help you to deal with some of the more difficult withdrawal symptoms. There will be some that you gravitate more towards than others and it's up to you to find out what those are through experimentation . It's trial and error to find what out works for you.

 

They have enabled me to remain drug free and I think if you can acquaint yourself and then practice them it will help you cope better through this difficult time.  

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

I think you have a strong will to have come this far. Please don't doubt yourself.

Ali

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks Ali.

I tried breathing techniques of pranayama, they were helping initially, but as sth eventful goes in family like marriage or struggle, it gets more worse with people.

I try and lose after 4-5 days. No patience if no results... this was not me but earlier I was physically also good.

 

I read Shanti's Homeopathy advice for Stramonium but I have taken 2 doses and found nothing noticeable . She said that Homeopathy medicines comes noticeable very suddenly if they are working.

 

Has anyone tried Gelsemium? I don't want to make another unpleasant attempt.

Lease reply.

Share this post


Link to post

If you type survivingantidepressants.org Gelsemium into google you will find where people have mentioned Gelsemium in their posts.

Share this post


Link to post

Well I have tried homeopathy - Started with nux vom 200, not a help. Made me dull .. dull vision but no effect on constipation and low bp. Same with Stramonium 30C, Nat Mur 200, Aur Metallicum 200C , Lycopodium 200C . Almost 20 days... I tried some for depression cure on personality basis ... But i feel, they didn't work .

 

Gelsemium 30C made me some calm .

 

But that's not enough.

 

Dropped idea of Homeopathy. Also wrote to Shanti here , but I think he/shes off SA and doing better. Shanti is the one who wrote here about homeopathy some comments earlier.

 

Thats all for homeopathy.

Share this post


Link to post

One better time came today when I drank half a tsp of salt in a glass of water. My stomach pain reduces , no growling and cramps for half hour. Also my neck stiffness and osteopenia pain reduced .

 

But then I crashed more strong and I think drinking salt is not an option.

 

Why osteopenia? Why neck stiffness? Is this the damage done by Trileptal aka Oxcarbzepine that I been given. ...

 

How will I manage this chronic low blood pressure?

Share this post


Link to post

bhasski -- if you got relief from drinking salt water but crashed later, could you try a weaker solution (less salt in the water)? Finding the right concentration might provide some relief without the "crash."

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks. I have done and will try again. But its not a solution. I don't see much people here with very low blood pressure.

 

Last night I messaged on fb to the doctor who started me first and diganosed me bipolar. I have these curse thoughts always coming to my mind when it gets unbearable about my condition.

 

 

What he said was like ... Don't you spread the Stigma and this stigma is already doing harm.

 

I don't know where I am . Is he correct? That I am a mentally sick patient who lost all jest and its not the medication.

Share this post


Link to post

Unfortunately the only tool doctors use these days is the neurotransmitter deficiency model and therefore see pharmaceuticals as the only treatment.  It is very unlikely that you are a "mentally sick patient". You are most probably a person who is suffering from the effects of medicine's insufficient knowledge about mental and neurological health.

Share this post


Link to post

Hang in there, bhasski. We are here with you.

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks scallywag and squeak.

 

I am trying my best. But when I look into the relations or me, I am a total mess. My cousin is getting married and I don't know how to talk him to. Make pranks , do jokes or carry a conversation about planning. One cousin got married 3 months back. I have lost all relationship matter.

 

I am not even prepared to see people and get dressed for a 3 day marriage.

 

This is not going with cousin .. this is with everyone .. mom , father, sisters , milkman, friends , neighbors ...

I am hoping to get a break from this soon.

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks scallywag and squeak.

 

I am trying my best. But when I look into the relations or me, I am a total mess. My cousin is getting married and I don't know how to talk him to. Make pranks , do jokes or carry a conversation about planning. One cousin got married 3 months back. I have lost all relationship matter.

 

I am not even prepared to see people and get dressed for a 3 day marriage.

 

This is not going with cousin .. this is with everyone .. mom , father, sisters , milkman, friends , neighbors ...

I am hoping to get a break from this soon.

Share this post


Link to post

I can understand these feelings. You have been through an unimaginable trauma. You have four years of damage to undo, but please trust that your body can do it! If you can find one thing to center around, whether some exercise, breathing, music, reading, nature, etc. you might be able to hang on to it while you go through the recovery. It is very hard talking to people and can feel like it is injuring you physically. If you need to stay away somehow, don't feel guilty. Come here and talk to us when you are lonely and frustrated.

 

Perhaps you can take part in one small part of the wedding, then find an excuse to leave? I know that parties, social gatherings, crowds, are the worst for my nervous system! Take care.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now