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Has anyone decided that it was best for them to stay on meds indefinitely?


Jaco2016

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Good luck with that. It's difficult for me to say anything about the effects of St. John's wort because I don't know the strength! I should have been kept informed about that I think. I no longer take since Thursday as I started AD on Friday. Today, I am feeling better, less anxious, still fragile but much better. What you said in your first message is exactly what I do; anticipate a terrible outcome, and fill myself with dread. I have referred myself today for CBT. Initially I couldn't get a telephone assessment until august 1st. I reacted by saying that such a long wait was not good for someone struggling with anxiety/depression. The wait is due to the amount of referrals they have. She rang me back an hour later and said more appointments had become available and offered a consultation for this Wednesday! I have downloaded a taster of the book feeling good, and will order it at the library, thank you. I see that you are now drug free. How are you feeling? X

Prescribed Venlafaxine 150mg ..........

 19 Feb 2019 stopped Venlafaxine 150mg cold turkey. 06 March 2019 restarted Ven 125mg. 04 April 2019 9 mini pills. 02 May 2019 8 mini pills. 01July 2019 7 mini pills. 18 Aug 2019 6 mini pills. 24 Sept 2019 5.50 mini pills. 11 October 2019 5 mini pills. 5th May 2020 Reinstated Ven 125 mg XR 9 pills.

9th Nov 2020 Update Started splitting dose to twice per day

02/02/2021 can’t stabilise without symptoms. 
03/02/21 9 mini pills @ 10am 

Updated.... July 2021 108mg, Sept 2021 107mg, 

tapering steps to be updated

current dose 14 July 2023 80mg

23.07.23 75mg half way ! 

 

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I was under the impression that it was best to stay on my drug forever simply because I didn't know any better. If I would've known then what I know now, I would've been off this horrible drug 20 years ago. I tried to "wean" twice long ago and had such horrible side effects that made me reinstate quickly. Hindsight says I was very reckless and had no clue about withdrawal. I figured it was impossible to get off this drug so I accepted the fact that I would be on it until the day I die. I hope to prove my old doctors wrong someday.

April 26th - 36.5>32.8mg Z.

Feb 4th - 40.5>36.5mg Zoloft.

Jan 5th - 45>40.5mg Zoloft.

Dec 6th - 50>45mg Zoloft.

Nov 1st - 53>50.0mg Zoloft. Sep 22/17 - 50.0>53.0mg Zoloft. Sep 18/17 - 59.0>50.0mg Zoloft.

Aug 7/17 - 65.6>59.0mg  July 18/17 - 72.9>65.6mg. June 18/17 - 81>72.9mg 

May 28/17 - 90>81mg.  May 8/17:  Started my taper. 100>90mg

1995 to May 8/17:  100mg Zoloft/day.  Working well but suspecting some signs of Tolerance this past year.

4/5/17:  Started Testosterone Replacement Therapy via T pellet insertion.  Diagnosed with Secondary Hypogonadism.

Supplements:  1000mg fish oil, 10,000iu Vit D3 with K2, 400mg Magnesium.

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I was under the impression that it was best to stay on my drug forever simply because I didn't know any better. If I would've known then what I know now, I would've been off this horrible drug 20 years ago. I tried to "wean" twice long ago and had such horrible side effects that made me reinstate quickly. Hindsight says I was very reckless and had no clue about withdrawal. I figured it was impossible to get off this drug so I accepted the fact that I would be on it until the day I die. I hope to prove my old doctors wrong someday.

 

good you reinstated quickly ,I sadly never did this so I have suffered terribly .I welcome the day you prove your doctors wrong .most or them should hang there heads in shame .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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I'm seriously struggling today - I have a job opportunity that a few years ago I would have considered a dream job. Today however because of continued struggle with anhedonia, anxiety and depression I can't see myself surviving in the environment of this job and I'm angry at myself for that. This job opportunity is a rare one - I was told they haven't hired for it in 10 years. I don't llove my current job

and I don't know if I'll ever be able to leave! At least my current job is low demand and low stress but it's also somewhat slow and boring.

I have applied for this new job and have an interview scheduled. But I've already told myself that I'm not ready for it without even having stepped into the building for an interview. I almost wish I never found out about this job at this time during my withdrawal and depression. I'm also an introvert by nature and this dream job would be tough but not impossible for my personality type but probably very draining because of lots of social interaction.

I wouldn’t take the job, but that’s based on my personal situation. At my job I also don’t have strict deadlines, allowing me to be unproductive during a tough spell. I even write down emotions and wisdoms in a file and then encrypt it because that reads like mad-man’s talk for a third-party. If I were on a high stressed job I think I would be in the doctor’s office soon rather than late.

Also new social interactions would trigger me, even though my current state is also straining my relationship with current collaegues.

I would stay put, heal, then perhaps leave.

 

Good luck!

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

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This is the question I'm asking myself...I'm still on the fence for now.

 

 

powerback I would have to say 16 months was a pretty rough one for me. Maybe you can try something natural like Inositol. Pure Dark chocolate really helped me. It does get better.

 

 

This is interesting for me to read. Encouraging - I've been trying to find people who've felt horrific at the end of a slow taper.

I'm nearly 3 weeks out from my 14 month taper and feeling worse than ever. (No social interaction, very little housework, pretty much house bound, extremely depressed, irritated / agitated, severe fatigue) N.B I was very unwell already when I started the taper.

 

I'm telling myself that I'll carry on and reassess in 3 months. If I feel any improvement, I'll push it out another 3. (I likely will anyway)

It's just what I have to do to keep going - give myself a timeline.

 

After those 6 months, if I'm this bad or - god forbid - worse, I have to say that I'll look at meds.

My GP gave me a guilt trip the other day about putting my family through this which was not appreciated, but still managed to really scare me about how this is affecting my 12 year old.

 

Love, Zel.

Dx ASD, Bipolar 2 & cPTSD

It started well before this (1990) but...

 

2008 - came off Efexor & Seoquel

2008? - 2016 Cymbalta, Lithium, Valium prn

(2015 - Valdoxan < 1 month 2016 - Provigil < 1 month

2016 - Straterra < 1 month)

 

March 2016 - Cymbalta, Lithium, Valium prn

March - start tapering Cymbalta by 10% April 10th - reduce May 1st - reduce May 24th - cold turkey (acupuncturist fool) - pretty bad withdrawal

May 27th - re-instate. June 29th - reduce. August 11th reduce. Sept 14th - reduce. Oct 23rd reduce. Nov 20th - reduce. Nov 29th - PROZAC SWITCH - started at equivalent dose to Cymbalta. 1/2 Lovan in 30ml water - take 10ml. Reduced by 1 ml at differing intervals - 3-5 weeks - until May 12th.

May12th - Antidepressant free!!

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This is the question I'm asking myself...I'm still on the fence for now.

 

 

powerback I would have to say 16 months was a pretty rough one for me. Maybe you can try something natural like Inositol. Pure Dark chocolate really helped me. It does get better.

 

 

This is interesting for me to read. Encouraging - I've been trying to find people who've felt horrific at the end of a slow taper.

I'm nearly 3 weeks out from my 14 month taper and feeling worse than ever. (No social interaction, very little housework, pretty much house bound, extremely depressed, irritated / agitated, severe fatigue) N.B I was very unwell already when I started the taper.

 

I'm telling myself that I'll carry on and reassess in 3 months. If I feel any improvement, I'll push it out another 3. (I likely will anyway)

It's just what I have to do to keep going - give myself a timeline.

 

After those 6 months, if I'm this bad or - god forbid - worse, I have to say that I'll look at meds.

My GP gave me a guilt trip the other day about putting my family through this which was not appreciated, but still managed to really scare me about how this is affecting my 12 year old.

 

Love, Zel.

 

Hi zel ,these doctors want to start taking the drugs themselves and see what its like .such a disgraceful GP to do that .

mine are so clueless I will eventually take my records and never go near them again .there worse than useless there part of the problem .

take care

respect

PB

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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That's the decision I took: trying to turn my insomnia therapy into an anti-anxiety one, in order to cope, since at the moment I'm not stable. 

 

I'll withdraw from meds when I'm over with my PhD! Unfortunately, I still need them, because I'm a chronic insomniac and extremely restless (even misdiagnosed as hypomaniac at first) during the day. Hyperactivity and anxiety came later, as a result of not taking the meds like they were supposed to be taken, but as off-label treatments for insomnia! 

 

I wish I could do it right now... I don't really want to stay on meds for other 16 months... but I don't seem to have much choice at the moment... 

 

It would be unwise and almost suicidal to try to withdraw from them when I'm away from home, I have to live on my salary and I get extremely stressed out at work. I hate that laboratory and the bossy people I meet there. I'd rather to be mistaken for an asocial introvert and avoid people than admitting I'm on psychodrugs. You know how this kind of things work, just never ever admit that!

 

I need someone to rely on, and I can't wait to go back home and trying to heal with my parents' support.

Edited by scallywag
white space at paragraph breaks

Klonopin (4th April 2016-28th September 2016) for a relentless insomnia caused by an adverse reaction to Levofloxacin (25th - 29th March 2016). I tried other benzos for a couple of days but they were ineffective (Xanax, Halcion, Ambien).

Trazodone (Since June 2016, up to 80 mg/day at night time). Seroquel instant relapse (25 mg, first August-September 2016. Another try, 25 mgs before and 17.75 mg then, from January to present). I take both at night time.

Seroquel XR (a tiny 50 mg) proved to be ineffective.

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Don't feel guilty about choosing to stay on - if your life collapsed at present you would suffer so much stress and that we pull worsen your long term mental health. There is a risk to withdrawal - there are no guarantees it will work out well. Sometimes stability is better.

 

Jan 2023 to July 2023 250mg quetiapine

Tapered off quetiapine again over 2 months - now weight problem

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I'm seriously struggling today - I have a job opportunity that a few years ago I would have considered a dream job. Today however because of continued struggle with anhedonia, anxiety and depression I can't see myself surviving in the environment of this job and I'm angry at myself for that. This job opportunity is a rare one - I was told they haven't hired for it in 10 years. I don't llove my current job

and I don't know if I'll ever be able to leave! At least my current job is low demand and low stress but it's also somewhat slow and boring.

I have applied for this new job and have an interview scheduled. But I've already told myself that I'm not ready for it without even having stepped into the building for an interview. I almost wish I never found out about this job at this time during my withdrawal and depression. I'm also an introvert by nature and this dream job would be tough but not impossible for my personality type but probably very draining because of lots of social interaction.

I wouldn’t take the job, but that’s based on my personal situation. At my job I also don’t have strict deadlines, allowing me to be unproductive during a tough spell. I even write down emotions and wisdoms in a file and then encrypt it because that reads like mad-man’s talk for a third-party. If I were on a high stressed job I think I would be in the doctor’s office soon rather than late.

Also new social interactions would trigger me, even though my current state is also straining my relationship with current collaegues.

I would stay put, heal, then perhaps leave.

Good luck!

Thanks for your comment. Looks like the decision was made for me - I haven't gotten any call for a follow up interview within the specified timeline. I likely could have performed better in my interview while on drugs but I don't think I would want to work for that person as a boss (very type A, bottom line driven). Even with the meds it would be very stressful and not at all enjoyable !

June-Current Started Pristiq 50mg 

March-June Discontinued Wellbutrin. 

February 15-March 1 2017: Taper Wellbutrin. 

December 24, 2016- Feb. 15 2017: Switched to Wellbutrin 150mg 2x/day after Genesight testing; 

August 4-December 23, 2016: Reinstate celexa

March 18-August 3, 2016: Switched to Prozac 

Feb-March 2016   Reinstate celexa

Jan-Feb 2016  Tapered 5mg/every week to 0mg

August 2015-Jan. 2016: Celexa 30mg

2008-2016: Celexa 30-40mg/day for anxiety

2006-2007: Strattera ?80mg/day + xanax

 

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Even though it's not polite from them, I think it might be a good thing that they didn't call. We really should minimize external stress factors. Our lives are already tough enough.

The ego boost of getting a tough job is short-lived, while the stress it brings is long-lasting.

I'm just transposing myself in your situation. Who am I to say what is best for you...

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

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On 6/4/2017 at 6:29 AM, joy2730 said:

Don't feel guilty about choosing to stay on - if your life collapsed at present you would suffer so much stress and that we pull worsen your long term mental health. There is a risk to withdrawal - there are no guarantees it will work out well. Sometimes stability is better.

Thanks for this. I've had an awful week with some interpersonal work stress, unexpected bills/financial stress. I put myself back on meds after two months off to avert a crisis. Like you say, I wasn't getting any better, and I have bills to pay and mouths to feed!  I had anxiety like this before medication and I truly believe this was not a wave.  When my kids are older and moved out I may try again but until then I see no other choice.

June-Current Started Pristiq 50mg 

March-June Discontinued Wellbutrin. 

February 15-March 1 2017: Taper Wellbutrin. 

December 24, 2016- Feb. 15 2017: Switched to Wellbutrin 150mg 2x/day after Genesight testing; 

August 4-December 23, 2016: Reinstate celexa

March 18-August 3, 2016: Switched to Prozac 

Feb-March 2016   Reinstate celexa

Jan-Feb 2016  Tapered 5mg/every week to 0mg

August 2015-Jan. 2016: Celexa 30mg

2008-2016: Celexa 30-40mg/day for anxiety

2006-2007: Strattera ?80mg/day + xanax

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Had I known that discontinuing my citalopram would result in my life being ruined for 10 years and counting, I would never have tried to discontinue it. I don't have a life nor a future anymore, I sit at home on disability because I can't do anything else.

-On SSRI since April 2006.
-December 2007: SSRI discontinuation and withdrawal start.
-February 2008: SSRI reinstatement... improvement, yet withdrawal symptoms remains to this day.
-Currently taking: 16mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
-Current issues: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety disorder (SAD), insomnia, exaggerated physical symptoms of anxiety, muscle fatigue, weight gain, high prolactin/low testosterone

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Earthworm, that is so sad, this is what I fear, making my situation worse.  Did you cold turkey the citalopram and did you ever trying reinstating a small amount.  Were you on a large dose to start with?  I apologise for the questions, which obviously you don't have to answer, but I am having trouble working out how to view people's signatures on this new site, in fact if you know how to do that can you let me know.

 

I have spent a lot of my life on disability and am now working again, and wish to continue working for a few more years yet.  I have withdrawn from many drugs and am just left with citalopram, but find it difficult.  I can't take a lot of risk.  Looking forward to hearing from you.  Joy

 

Jan 2023 to July 2023 250mg quetiapine

Tapered off quetiapine again over 2 months - now weight problem

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For me it's been very complex, i have come to an acceptance of the diagnosis (schizophrenia) & dependence on a relatively low dose of one medication (300mg Amisulpride).


However i have tried stopping this drug i suffer very severe illness / consequences. It seems like a lesser of evils to stay on this drug at this stage.

 

i know all the different arguments around it all. Yes IF there had been access to better understanding / support then maybe things could have been / would be different - But that hasn't been & isn't, & that is the realities of it all.

Various psychiatric drug treatments since 1990. Prozac & Stelazine in 1994 for a few years. 1200mg Amisulpride in 1998 for a year. 1999 to current time have maintained 200mg of Amisulpride & increased to 300mg a few years ago, with 2 stopping attempts in 2001 & 2003/4. i stopped all medications 5 times, for around 8 years in total, but the last 3 withdrawal/stopping attempts were disastrous. Am very unsure about stopping medication again. Have recently (in Winter 2018) had to increase the Amisulpride to 400mg. 

Healing Sanctuary - http://healingsanctuary.proboards.com/

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Well I think that is a positive decision, individuals can struggle and acceptance gives a kind of peace.  I am the same, I am half prepared to accept a diagnosis of bipolar, manic depression as there have been times when I have been very ill.

 

It can be difficult to make these decisions and there is a backlash against using meds, but they can have a place at times.  Lot of love, Joy

 

Jan 2023 to July 2023 250mg quetiapine

Tapered off quetiapine again over 2 months - now weight problem

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13 hours ago, joy2730 said:

Earthworm, that is so sad, this is what I fear, making my situation worse.  Did you cold turkey the citalopram and did you ever trying reinstating a small amount.  Were you on a large dose to start with?  I apologise for the questions, which obviously you don't have to answer, but I am having trouble working out how to view people's signatures on this new site, in fact if you know how to do that can you let me know.

 

I have spent a lot of my life on disability and am now working again, and wish to continue working for a few more years yet.  I have withdrawn from many drugs and am just left with citalopram, but find it difficult.  I can't take a lot of risk.  Looking forward to hearing from you.  Joy

 

I didn't cold turkey, I tapered over 3 months. I went back on SSRIs about 2 months after and been on them since... 9 years. The withdrawal becomes too severe when I try to taper off, so I'll just stay on it. I'm also trying to find another drug to get onto which would help taper off the SSRI, but so far no other drugs have worked, in fact it seems they now give me the opposite effect of what they are meant to do. But who knows, maybe I'll find one someday or new drugs are developed.

 

To view signatures, click on your name in the top right corner, and go to account settings, signatures, and check the view signatures button.

-On SSRI since April 2006.
-December 2007: SSRI discontinuation and withdrawal start.
-February 2008: SSRI reinstatement... improvement, yet withdrawal symptoms remains to this day.
-Currently taking: 16mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
-Current issues: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety disorder (SAD), insomnia, exaggerated physical symptoms of anxiety, muscle fatigue, weight gain, high prolactin/low testosterone

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2 hours ago, Earthworm said:

 

I didn't cold turkey, I tapered over 3 months. I went back on SSRIs about 2 months after and been on them since... 9 years. The withdrawal becomes too severe when I try to taper off, so I'll just stay on it. I'm also trying to find another drug to get onto which would help taper off the SSRI, but so far no other drugs have worked, in fact it seems they now give me the opposite effect of what they are meant to do. But who knows, maybe I'll find one someday or new drugs are developed.

 

To view signatures, click on your name in the top right corner, and go to account settings, signatures, and check the view signatures button.

Earthworm, unfortunately for some once they try to get off it starts the ball rolling and the body seems to remember that it is in discontinuation mode, despite what medication you throw at it.  Perhaps you can try the 10% taper protocol.  I implemented that system and I have to say life was bearable the two years I took to taper off.  Taking 2-3 months to get off is almost akin to a cold turkey and the mind/body needs a taper so small that its not perceptive of the fact you are getting rid of the medication.  Wishing you well.

<p>10 years of ssri and finally tapered off in 2 years. Off Celexa by jan/28/2014 and off benzos by March/6th/2014 after only two months use and still experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

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36 minutes ago, Tootsieroll said:

Earthworm, unfortunately for some once they try to get off it starts the ball rolling and the body seems to remember that it is in discontinuation mode, despite what medication you throw at it.  Perhaps you can try the 10% taper protocol.  I implemented that system and I have to say life was bearable the two years I took to taper off.  Taking 2-3 months to get off is almost akin to a cold turkey and the mind/body needs a taper so small that its not perceptive of the fact you are getting rid of the medication.  Wishing you well.

 

10% and much slower methods don't work for everyone. I remember people tapering super slow and crashing and starting over all to crash again. I don't want another crash, but I do plan on tapering to lower my dose. I would love to get down to 10mg, or ideally 5, because 5 is the point after which trouble starts for me.

-On SSRI since April 2006.
-December 2007: SSRI discontinuation and withdrawal start.
-February 2008: SSRI reinstatement... improvement, yet withdrawal symptoms remains to this day.
-Currently taking: 16mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
-Current issues: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety disorder (SAD), insomnia, exaggerated physical symptoms of anxiety, muscle fatigue, weight gain, high prolactin/low testosterone

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Thank you Earthworm and Tootsieroll for your replies, they are so reassuring to me personally.  I think lots of people are in this situation.  When I read more widely on the internet and in books about this subject it appears as many as 55% of repeat prescriptions for SSRIs are because people can't get off them (UK).  There are now lots of people petitioning the UK Government and the Scottish Government to try to get them to address the situation.

 

I never realised until about 2 years ago that there was a problem with SSRI withdrawal and then I heard by accident.  A client's daughter was suffering great anxiety and I asked her if she had considered modern antidepressants and she told me that she would never take the because her friends said they couldn't get off them.  I had just started my first ever taper at that point, and I didn't believe her.  I didn't know then that she was accurate in her concerns but her anxiety was life crippling, she had given up work and just about everything in life except church.  She really suffered as did her husband watching her suffer, also her sister.

 

My own GP surgery, a very small rural practice, has warned me I may get down to 10 mg, but no further.  They are at least honest about the situation and are clearly aware.  Now that I know I am addicted and dependent I put spare packs of mine in the car as I work away from home a lot. 

 

I am afraid it is history repeating itself, it was similar with MAOIs and then the tricyclics, although I found it easier to withdraw from tricyclics than SSRIs.  Perhaps the brain and body adapt to whatever product it is in such a way that withdrawal becomes hard.  But some individuals do find it relatively easy.

 

I think when you are older, I am 58 now, the body and brain must find it more difficult to adapt, especially if you have been taking meds for a long time, and for some reason people are saying females find it harder than males.  Perhaps the female brain is wired differently.

 

The only consolation is we are not alone with this problem, it is society as a whole that owns the problem, and doctors in particular, along with the drug companies.

 

I like you Earthworm, plan to continue to lower the dose if possible by very slow tapering, but I will be surprised if I get anywhere with it. 

 

Thank you for replying, and for the tip about viewing signatures, this site has really opened my eyes to the situation I have found myself in.  It is also very sad that even the slowest of slow tapers can result in the symptoms coming back, as if the brain has learnt what is happening.

 

However, the undesirable side effects of these drugs continue and that is a life compromise because some people probably would feel a better quality of life without them, it is just that they will never get the chance to try and see.  That is unacceptable, everyone should be given the chance to see how they are without meds and then reevaluate whether they were better on them or off them.

 

In my first ever taper, which went surprisingly well as it was very fast, but ultimately crashed, I started to love my family members more than I do now.  That was quite a shock, so I could be missing out on loving my family by continuing with the meds.  I know and think I love them now, but do I really?  That is serious stuff.

 

 

 

Jan 2023 to July 2023 250mg quetiapine

Tapered off quetiapine again over 2 months - now weight problem

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Excellent post, joy2730.

 

I believe it takes decades to start to accept that one may have to take, at least some, of these drugs for all time.

 

Quality of life - both for one and one's family -  is far more important than suffering in the forlorn hope that you may be able to say to yourself in years "I am totally clean."

 

Nevertheless, one can always live in hope of achieving that, but must not be fooled into thinking it is 100% achievable for all.

 

Now 72 years of age, I have come to accept these terms.  With the help of this excellent site and a disciplined 10%, or smaller, monthly reduction since last year, I have reduced from 225mg to 112.5mg Effexor, and remain fairly well, and still with some optimism.  Prepared for anything, though.  Practical experience has taught me that the hard way. 

Overall, I think I am in the right place of attitude and balance just now.

 

Best wishes to all others with the dilemma - I hope my words can reassure some of you to be philosophical about what to do - or not do.

Born 1945. 

1999 - First Effexor/Venlafaxine

2016 Withdrawal research. Effexor.  13Jul - 212.5mg;  6Aug - 200.0mg;  24Aug - 187.5mg;  13Sep - 175.0mg;  3Oct - 162.5mg;  26Oct - 150mg 

2017  9Jan - 150.00mg;  23Mar - 137.50mg;  24Apr - 125.00mg;  31May - 112.50mg holding;  3Sep - 100.00mg;  20Sep - 93.75mg;  20Oct - 87.5mg;  12Nov - 81.25mg;  13 Dec - 75.00mg

2018  18Jan - 69.1mg; 16Feb - 62.5mg; 16March - 57.5mg (-8%); 22Apr - 56.3mg(-2%); CRASHED - Updose 29May - 62.5mg; Updose - 1Jul - 75.0mg. Updose - 2Aug - 87.5mg. Updose - 27Aug - 100.0mg. Updose - 11Oct 112.5mg. Updose - 6Nov 125.00mg

2019 Updoses 19 Jan - 150.0mg. 1April - 162.5mg. 24 April - Feeling better - doing tasks, getting outside.  7 May - usual depression questionnaire gives "probably no depression" result.

Supps/Vits  Omega 3;  Chelated Magnesium;  Prebiotics/Probiotics, Vit D3. 

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Uh, no, because they aren't meds? You could either call them drugs (as in heroin, cocaine) or poison. Problem is the drugs obtained from naturally occurring alkaloids like cocaine, cannabis, coffee differ from the synthesized big pharma ones in two respects.

 

First - they are not nearly as addictive, heroin (and other opiates), as far as I know, can be quit cold turkey and the users go through absolute hell of a withdrawal, but it passes and they are able to live normally. Not so much with the synthesized big pharma drugs - I know there is a group of people who can quit them cold turkey, but the other group can get so addicted as to not be able to withdraw those drugs at all, and if they do withdraw them cold turkey, unlike with heroin, they can never stabilise.

 

Second - the aforementioned alkaloid-based drugs produce pleasant, desirable sensations. People take them for a reason, okay, in many cases they kill them in the end, but at least they are getting something out of it they like. In the case of the synthesized drugs, they are nervous system depressants (or suppressants) and they make you feel wretched, unable to feel pleasure, unable to feel or perceive fully. Now, the idea is that to people who are undergoing serious suffering this is a desirable effect, because they block the pain. I, personally, don't think damaging your brain is a good way to resolve problems, but the corporations who have been marketing the drugs, seem to think otherwise.

 

As to the schizophrenia thing - schizophrenia and bipolar disorder have been invented by a guy called Emil Kraepelin, the founder of modern psychiatry who also happened to be a proto-nazi. He deeply believed in the nobility of the human species, aside from a dangerous group of psychopaths (he also invented that term), alcoholics, syphilitics, Jews and homosexuals, who he considered weeds that needed to be uprooted. He also lived around the time that eugenics was a course at many universities, in the United Kingdom and the States, where it proved to be particularly popular. Those were strange times, and the misinterpretation of Darwinism that said the Earth was a big arena for nations and individuals to fight for survival was very popular. Oh, also Kraepelin was an opponent of public education, he thought the lower classes didn't deserve it. Overall a great guy, that's when I think about him coining the term schizophrenia and bipolar (and his research consisted of visiting asylums around Germany), I get a bit sceptical.

1 year risperidone, 1 year olanzapine (10 mg). attempted first withdrawal cold turkey, failed. 2 more years olanzapine, switched to abilify which was very disruptive so attempted quitting cold turkey, failed. then 4 years amisulpride at 150 mg and about 3 zoloft at 150 mg. attempted withdrawal from both in 3 weeks, failed. reinstated zoloft and bridged to olanzapine (10 mg), successfully withdrew it over 10 months. tried withdrawing zoloft over 12 months, failed. bridged to prozac, at 40 mg,  now at 12 mg.

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Actually, to correct myself (as I don't think it's possible to edit posts here), he didn't coin those terms, but but his work lay a foundation for later researchers. Eugen Bleuler coined the term "schizophrenia", another eugenicist.

1 year risperidone, 1 year olanzapine (10 mg). attempted first withdrawal cold turkey, failed. 2 more years olanzapine, switched to abilify which was very disruptive so attempted quitting cold turkey, failed. then 4 years amisulpride at 150 mg and about 3 zoloft at 150 mg. attempted withdrawal from both in 3 weeks, failed. reinstated zoloft and bridged to olanzapine (10 mg), successfully withdrew it over 10 months. tried withdrawing zoloft over 12 months, failed. bridged to prozac, at 40 mg,  now at 12 mg.

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On 6/22/2017 at 6:26 AM, Earthworm said:

Had I known that discontinuing my citalopram would result in my life being ruined for 10 years and counting, I would never have tried to discontinue it. I don't have a life nor a future anymore, I sit at home on disability because I can't do anything else.

Does the citalopram not work for you anymore?  What symptoms do you deal with daily? Since your taper was only 3 months, how did it ruin your life?  

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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Oh, I apologise if that sounded too harsh, I wanted to say that I would never call the drugs meds, speaking from my personal experience. They really never have been helpful to me at all, and my impression is the only thing they are good at is making people think they are ill, both by causing symptoms mimicking the conceptual illnesses they have been given them for in the first place and mimicking them also when the patients try to stop them. As in, for instance, the antipsychotics - there are some specific symptoms associated with the concept of Schizophrenia, like being unable to read or concentrate, garbled speech, lack of motivation or pleasure (the negative symptoms) that the antipsychotic drugs actually cause themselves (because they lower dopamine levels in the mesocortical pathway, apparently), and psychosis (positive) which they cause when people try to stop them too quickly. But I understand some people might actually find the drugs helpful.

1 year risperidone, 1 year olanzapine (10 mg). attempted first withdrawal cold turkey, failed. 2 more years olanzapine, switched to abilify which was very disruptive so attempted quitting cold turkey, failed. then 4 years amisulpride at 150 mg and about 3 zoloft at 150 mg. attempted withdrawal from both in 3 weeks, failed. reinstated zoloft and bridged to olanzapine (10 mg), successfully withdrew it over 10 months. tried withdrawing zoloft over 12 months, failed. bridged to prozac, at 40 mg,  now at 12 mg.

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By the way, whether they were designed that way, and this is a deliberate ruse OR a complete accident, I don't know. There have been some leaked memos from the corporations though advising their employers not to discuss the concept of withdrawal with anyone, because that could negatively impact their profits.

1 year risperidone, 1 year olanzapine (10 mg). attempted first withdrawal cold turkey, failed. 2 more years olanzapine, switched to abilify which was very disruptive so attempted quitting cold turkey, failed. then 4 years amisulpride at 150 mg and about 3 zoloft at 150 mg. attempted withdrawal from both in 3 weeks, failed. reinstated zoloft and bridged to olanzapine (10 mg), successfully withdrew it over 10 months. tried withdrawing zoloft over 12 months, failed. bridged to prozac, at 40 mg,  now at 12 mg.

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*employees

1 year risperidone, 1 year olanzapine (10 mg). attempted first withdrawal cold turkey, failed. 2 more years olanzapine, switched to abilify which was very disruptive so attempted quitting cold turkey, failed. then 4 years amisulpride at 150 mg and about 3 zoloft at 150 mg. attempted withdrawal from both in 3 weeks, failed. reinstated zoloft and bridged to olanzapine (10 mg), successfully withdrew it over 10 months. tried withdrawing zoloft over 12 months, failed. bridged to prozac, at 40 mg,  now at 12 mg.

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8 hours ago, Lilu said:

Does the citalopram not work for you anymore?  What symptoms do you deal with daily? Since your taper was only 3 months, how did it ruin your life?  

 

It still works a little, but most of the effect has worn off. The initial discontinuation gave me severe OCD that I never had before and have to this day. It also gave me severe anxiety and severe 24/7/365 akathisia. I also lost ability to sleep naturally, and can only sleep with the help or risperidone. It also gave me significant muscle fatigue which disables me from doing exercise or physical activities.

-On SSRI since April 2006.
-December 2007: SSRI discontinuation and withdrawal start.
-February 2008: SSRI reinstatement... improvement, yet withdrawal symptoms remains to this day.
-Currently taking: 16mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
-Current issues: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety disorder (SAD), insomnia, exaggerated physical symptoms of anxiety, muscle fatigue, weight gain, high prolactin/low testosterone

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On 6/23/2017 at 9:48 PM, Earthworm said:

 

It still works a little, but most of the effect has worn off. The initial discontinuation gave me severe OCD that I never had before and have to this day. It also gave me severe anxiety and severe 24/7/365 akathisia. I also lost ability to sleep naturally, and can only sleep with the help or risperidone. It also gave me significant muscle fatigue which disables me from doing exercise or physical activities.

Did the akathisia go away after you reinstated citalopram?   What type of OCD did you develop?

It's been 2 years since I've reinstated Lexapro, but I'm starting to realize that certain symptoms that I developed during withdrawal have not gone away.  I'm not sure if this is OCD, but after I interact with people and/or have intense conversations, I feel overstimulated and anxious and can't sleep due to the the conversations revolving in my head over and over.  I've become hyper-sensitive to sounds, and strong emotions coming from other people.  And my sleep is all over the place. It has never stabilized.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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7 hours ago, Lilu said:

Did the akathisia go away after you reinstated citalopram?   What type of OCD did you develop?

It's been 2 years since I've reinstated Lexapro, but I'm starting to realize that certain symptoms that I developed during withdrawal have not gone away.  I'm not sure if this is OCD, but after I interact with people and/or have intense conversations, I feel overstimulated and anxious and can't sleep due to the the conversations revolving in my head over and over.  I've become hyper-sensitive to sounds, and strong emotions coming from other people.  And my sleep is all over the place. It has never stabilized.

 

Akathisia started after I reinstated, but has slowly decreased after a few years. I still have it, but its much less weaker than what it was originally. It's the only thing that got better since my reinstatement. I have the good ol classic OCD... checking compulsions and perfectionism.

 

Yeah, reinstating doesn't mean one will stabilize completely, some do, but some don't. I never stabilized completely, and likely never will, since its been 9 years already.

-On SSRI since April 2006.
-December 2007: SSRI discontinuation and withdrawal start.
-February 2008: SSRI reinstatement... improvement, yet withdrawal symptoms remains to this day.
-Currently taking: 16mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
-Current issues: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety disorder (SAD), insomnia, exaggerated physical symptoms of anxiety, muscle fatigue, weight gain, high prolactin/low testosterone

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Totally agree with Peng.

 

I'm against SSRI and other antidepressants because their mechanism of action not being fully understood and their premise of chemical imbalance being bogus; that said, for people that is already on the meds and especially for a long time, demand them to stop them out of a ideological stance would be naive at best and selfish at worst. Wellness is the ultimate goal and "off meds" is merely a mean to do it which may not fit everyone (I guess we in the site believe that the majority of people who has been prescribed the meds would have been better off it since the beginning, but for people already on them for long time is another matter).

 

I have an old uncle who started taking ADs a few years ago out of a very hard personal crisis. Given his age, wouldn't try to convince him to leave them, last thing I want is for him to live his last years tormented by withdrawal symptoms, and is probably better to stay on them for life unless he experiences some sort of poop out. That said, me being 33, I'm just way too young and can't envision myself taking ADs for decades without developing severe tardive afflictions.

 

Can't and won't judge anyone who decides to stay of them. Wish them the best luck.

Name LostInTheWoods evokes both the feeling of getting stranded, forsaken and alone in an alien, hostile environment and the chance to experience awareness, tranquility and self-discovery during the experience. Just call me Lost in the posts.

 

February 2012. After a crisis, a crippling anxiety that culminated in a panic attack. Started 20 mg Paxil and Clonazepam.

Clonazepam left quickly in the 2nd attempt.

About about a year on 20 mg, begin tapering.

June 2014, after several weeks on 5 mg and trying to dose down, went CT.

May 2015.Anxiety came back again, went to psychiatrist back. Fluoxetine was tried and left because of bad reaction, returned to paroxetine. Start tapering in mid 2016.

December 2016. After like 2 months of going 2,5 mg, stopped paroxetine.

Truth to be told, descended into a downward spiral of caffeine, alcohol and masturbation.

January  26, 2017. Wave with some tinnitus that was fixed by a visit to the ENT.

April 21, 2017. Acid reflux at night was a stressor that triggered another wave.Vices have been put into check and only a drink or two a week remain.

By May 7 stabilized with a little anxiety left and some pains.

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Age is an important consideration in deciding whether to undergo withdrawal - this has long been recognised, but people really are living and working for longer now.  When I was in my early 40s I was in two minds about withdrawing from diazepam which I had been taking for at least 22 years.  A book I was reading at the time, and Heather Ashton manual, suggested that if you had been taking them for a long time and were 'older' you might wish to stay on them.

 

I can remember debating what to do.  However, I decided to withdraw, it took about 2 years but 1 week after getting off completely I felt so much better.  I very nearly didn't bother, but as it I have now had 18 years of diazepam free life and am grateful to that.

 

Likewise sometimes I think now I shouldn't bother withdrawing from citalopram as I am now 58.  When I was in my late 40s and early 50s I withdrew from lithium and sodium valproate as I found the side effects too difficult.  It is difficult when we don't know how long we are going to live.

 

It also reminds me of an old lady I knew who was 95 and wanted to try one last time to get off the MAOIs she had been prescribed as a young mother for PND.  She was horrified when her usual withdrawal symptoms started again and was very upset when her GP said she would have to stay on them for the rest of her life.  It was her dearest wish to get off them, which she went to her grave near having achieved.  Sadly, I don't think she knew about tapering at the time (I didn't then).

 

I suppose whether to withdraw or not is a very personal decision, but importantly I don't think anyone has the right to pressurise anyone else into either withdrawing or staying on.  It should be an individual decision, based on full knowledge of the risks of both staying on and withdrawing, and taking into account many factors.  Both staying on and withdrawing have inherent risks and a positive outcome is not guaranteed.  However, at times, taking positive risk is justified.

 

Joy

 

 

 

Jan 2023 to July 2023 250mg quetiapine

Tapered off quetiapine again over 2 months - now weight problem

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Jaco - I just started reading this thread.  I have to say how much hope I have found in your quote.  

 

"I feel like if someone can learn how to cope with withdrawal successfully than ironically maybe they can cope with the relatively less difficult challenge of what got them on meds in the first place."

June 1995 Zoloft

August 1997 - to June 2017 various SSRIs

August 2000  -November 2000 - Stopped abruptly for pregnancy (returned to depressed state, serious withdrawal symptoms including raging anger, crying, loss of interest in life)

November 2000 returned to SSRI

2008 Added Cymbalta to SSRIs

June - September 2009 - stopped Cymbalta after discussing with p-doc.  Not told about tapering.  Nausea, dizziness, brain zaps, raging anger and depression for about 3 months

2011 switched to Lexapro, added Wellbutrin 

June 2017 began to taper off Lexapro doses of 10 mg,  reduced to 5 mg for 2 weeks and then 5 mg every other day - off by July 10 

July 2017 300 mg Wellbutrin, dealing with withdrawal from Lexapro

2013- September  2017 - Omeprazole - Learned my GERD was caused by Lexapro  - now happily off without rebound or any pain!

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TOOTSIE ROLL - I find this so helpful too.  Some days are hard and in the darkness I give up hope.  This is helpful and makes so much sense.

 

Keep up the self care and before you know it, a window will open wide for you. Slowly but surely.

June 1995 Zoloft

August 1997 - to June 2017 various SSRIs

August 2000  -November 2000 - Stopped abruptly for pregnancy (returned to depressed state, serious withdrawal symptoms including raging anger, crying, loss of interest in life)

November 2000 returned to SSRI

2008 Added Cymbalta to SSRIs

June - September 2009 - stopped Cymbalta after discussing with p-doc.  Not told about tapering.  Nausea, dizziness, brain zaps, raging anger and depression for about 3 months

2011 switched to Lexapro, added Wellbutrin 

June 2017 began to taper off Lexapro doses of 10 mg,  reduced to 5 mg for 2 weeks and then 5 mg every other day - off by July 10 

July 2017 300 mg Wellbutrin, dealing with withdrawal from Lexapro

2013- September  2017 - Omeprazole - Learned my GERD was caused by Lexapro  - now happily off without rebound or any pain!

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2 hours ago, JenJen said:

Hi Jaco - I just started reading this thread.  I have to say how much hope I have found in your quote.  

 

"I feel like if someone can learn how to cope with withdrawal successfully than ironically maybe they can cope with the relatively less difficult challenge of what got them on meds in the first place."

 

Perhaps if the reason someone starts medication is a "relatively less difficult challenge" than withdrawal, they shouldn't have been prescribed medication in the first place.

 

Zel. 

Dx ASD, Bipolar 2 & cPTSD

It started well before this (1990) but...

 

2008 - came off Efexor & Seoquel

2008? - 2016 Cymbalta, Lithium, Valium prn

(2015 - Valdoxan < 1 month 2016 - Provigil < 1 month

2016 - Straterra < 1 month)

 

March 2016 - Cymbalta, Lithium, Valium prn

March - start tapering Cymbalta by 10% April 10th - reduce May 1st - reduce May 24th - cold turkey (acupuncturist fool) - pretty bad withdrawal

May 27th - re-instate. June 29th - reduce. August 11th reduce. Sept 14th - reduce. Oct 23rd reduce. Nov 20th - reduce. Nov 29th - PROZAC SWITCH - started at equivalent dose to Cymbalta. 1/2 Lovan in 30ml water - take 10ml. Reduced by 1 ml at differing intervals - 3-5 weeks - until May 12th.

May12th - Antidepressant free!!

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I wish there was a magic bullet for depression.  I tried to slay that dragon on my own for years with no success.  I also went to therapy and 12 step groups.  When I started the meds I was at bottom.  I felt hopeless, helpless and often cried all the way to the office.  Some days I couldn't get out of bed.  I was also ruining my marriage and barely keeping up at work.  I am not sure how I managed to do well at work but I did.  The drugs helped me for many years.  I also went to therapy for support and did lots of other recovery type stuff.  I had waves of depression on the drugs as well.  I decided to quit because of fatigue and weight gain.  I was also still a little depressed as the drugs didn't work 100%.  I can't say I will be off the meds forever and I still take bupropion.  I have a family and many people who love me.  I would reluctantly re-start if I became immobile with depression, was on the verge of loosing my job, hurtful to my loved ones or suicidal.  

June 1995 Zoloft

August 1997 - to June 2017 various SSRIs

August 2000  -November 2000 - Stopped abruptly for pregnancy (returned to depressed state, serious withdrawal symptoms including raging anger, crying, loss of interest in life)

November 2000 returned to SSRI

2008 Added Cymbalta to SSRIs

June - September 2009 - stopped Cymbalta after discussing with p-doc.  Not told about tapering.  Nausea, dizziness, brain zaps, raging anger and depression for about 3 months

2011 switched to Lexapro, added Wellbutrin 

June 2017 began to taper off Lexapro doses of 10 mg,  reduced to 5 mg for 2 weeks and then 5 mg every other day - off by July 10 

July 2017 300 mg Wellbutrin, dealing with withdrawal from Lexapro

2013- September  2017 - Omeprazole - Learned my GERD was caused by Lexapro  - now happily off without rebound or any pain!

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  • 5 weeks later...
On 22/6/2017 at 6:26 AM, cpuusage said:

Para mí ha sido muy complejo, he llegado a la aceptación del diagnóstico (esquizofrenia) y la dependencia de una dosis relativamente baja de un medicamento (300mg Amisulpride).


Sin embargo, he intentado detener esta droga que sufren de enfermedades muy graves / consecuencias. Parece un menor de los males de permanecer en esta droga en esta etapa.

 

Conozco todos los argumentos diferentes alrededor de todo. Sí Si hubiese habido acceso a una mejor comprensión / apoyo entonces tal vez las cosas podrían haber sido / serían diferentes - Pero eso no ha sido & no es, y eso es la realidad de todo.

I understand your story, I am the same, diagnosed with schizophrenia and taking amisulpride, I will try to reduce the 285 ml, but try these days and it was difficult, I think I will reduce it in five years or longer. What did you feel when you stopped taking the drug?

Bipolar disorder diagnosis Valproic Acid 750 mg from October 2012 to February 2014.
Risperidone 5 mg from October 2012 to October 2013.
2014 hospitalized four times for leaving all the drugs.
Diagnosis schizophrenia, amisulpride 800 mg January 2015 until January 2016, then 600 mg to April, 400 mg to the present
levomepromazina 8 drops to sleep.

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