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lucky to be alive


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#1 spacecadet

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Posted 25 January 2017 - 02:11 PM

Just curious as everyone is making their way through the recovery process, if this is something that anyone else thinks about.


2009- 10 mg paxil 
2010 to 2011- 20 mg citalopram 
2013- 150 mg effexor xr, 300 mg by end of 2013; given lorazepam prn up to 3 mg per day

2014- 150 mg welbutin xr added to effexor 

2015- successfully tapered off of lorazepam by the end of the year

2016- reduction of effexor from 300, 150, 75, 37.5 from february to august

          reduction of welbutrin after effexor by taking every other day for a week, then every 3 days for two weeks until no longer taken by the end of august

due to horrible withdrawal, I tried reintroducing welbutrin back but had an adverse reaction

2017- currently no rx's 


#2 KarenB

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Posted 25 January 2017 - 11:22 PM

I do, SpaceCadet.  I'm glad you do too - it's a lovely thought to have.  Sometimes I think how hard my life is, what I'm missing out on etc, and then I'll stop going down that track and think of the things I still get to enjoy in my life: 

 

- my daughters, husband, deeper relationships with people due to experiencing on-going tough times, dear friends,

- my garden, my dog Phoebe

- just yesterday I came home from my first ever camping trip (only one night, but in a tent with a real camp-cooker and everything!)

- all the new and delicious/strange thoughts that are able to make themselves known to me, due to the amount of time I need to spend resting

 

I am lucky to be alive indeed :).


2010 May Fluoxetine 20mg. Raging mostly stops, become more functional.
2011 February Escitalopram 10mg (sudden switch). 2012 January Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Early June Feeling great, decide to taper. Doc advises alternate days 20mg/10mg for 4 weeks.  Late June Steady. Drop to 10mg daily. Early July Not coping, raging, flu symptoms, shaky, anxious, low, spaced-out, self-destructive.  Mid July Return to alternate days 20mg/10mg - minimal improvement. Early August Return to full dose 20mg. Lost.
2014 February Switch to Venlafaxine. (First reduced Esc. to 10mg/day for a week) Feb-April Lost, 'light' self-harm, exhausted.
April Increase Ven. to 150mg/day. Dizzy. July 75mg twice a day to improve dizziness. Deep depression remains.  2015 Feb Vigilant dose spacing partially eases dizziness. Mar Switch to Effexor 75mg 2x/day. May Cut 10% to 135mg - bad w/d 2 mths, held 1 mth.  Aug 1.3% cut - bad 1mth, held 1mth. Oct 4 wkly 0.4% cuts held 6 weeks. Jan 2016 2 wkly 0.4% cuts. 8 month hold. Sept Wkly cuts: 0.5%, 3 1% cuts.  Oct 4 wkly 1% cuts, hold 3-4 weeks.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamins E & C, magnesium, iron, MSM, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.  My story of healing: ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor or counselor; please do your own research and be prepared to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.


#3 Junglechicken

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Posted 05 February 2017 - 12:47 PM

I definitely see life through a different lense, and have done for years now.

Hoping that that lense will become brighter and brighter with more and more color.

If it wasn't for SA, I don't think I would be alive given the horrendous WDs I had.

For that I feel very lucky to be alive.
<p>Feb 2014 -Cipralex/Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms disappeared over a few days. Have been on this dose ever since and am experiencing "windows" and "waves". Nov 15th 2016 Re-started Therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT. Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 4th Jan 2017. Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment starts - anti-Candida diet starts as diagnosis of Candida Related Complex (CRC). 24 March 2017 DETOX started for anti-Candida to help "re-set" my gut. April 2017 Gut Cleanse - 6 weeks.Plan to re-start taper (liquid Cipralex/Escitalopram)

#4 DrugfreeProf

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Posted 05 February 2017 - 04:48 PM

This notion of being grateful for being alive reminded me of something similar:

During the period aftetr my daughter Monique took her life, I sought desperately for ways to ease the unbearable pain, which felt like a literal, internal physical wound that was almost impossible to bear. I did find release from that feeling--took a few years, but it went away!  Meditation, exercise, spiritual reading, connecting with her spirit on the "other side," and--most to the point--the practice of gratitude, all in combination, was what helped lift the dark weight off of me. Somewhere along the way, I heard of the practice iin which you say to yourself, "I am so blessed," no matter how you feel.  It's focusing on what we have left, rather than what we've lost. Looking up into the sunshine rather than down into the dirt. It's hard to practice, but it helps when you do.


Drugfree Prof

Psychologist and Psychotherapist

Prozac 20 mg for approx 3 months during 2000, withdrew, no w/d sx

Prozac 10 - 30 mg Jan. 2008 - Dec. 2014

Ritalin 30-40 mg Jan. 2008 - Mar. 2015

W/d sx from Prozac started around 3 months after cessation--crying spells, depressed mood, lethargy; resolved in 8 - 12 mos. post cessation

Used and continue to use a TON of alternative methods--meditation, mindfulness, nutrition. supplements, exercise, etc.


#5 journey

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Posted 02 March 2017 - 07:27 PM

Today I feel lucky, having a window, its really lovely after the last few weeks.  I really try to focus on appreciation as much as I possibly can.  When I feel terrible I listen to youtube speakers and hide but I always try and feed my mind with nourishing content. Unless I am catatonic with distress then its serial killer documentaries, anything to distract myself from pain.  I do believe I am lucky to be alive there have been some close shaves during my time on this planet.  I guess it makes me who I am today and I more or less like that.  I walked my dog yesterday and it was great I am really trying to get off the couch, because I know it is good for me and I really love my connection to nature, man its a mission when all you want to do is hide and read books and eat!!!

 

things I am appreciating at the moment:

  • my lovely wee dog Chester
  • new solar panels about to go off grid
  • finishing work
  • having time to look after myself
  • my awesome kids and family
  • finding this website!!!

 

 

Great topic


2006 May 40 mg paroxitine for post natal depression until

2010 weaned off on very slow taper 1.5 yrs.

2012 back on paxil 40mgs

2012 august  Lamictal at 200mgs

Valium prn at most 2 times a week, normally 1 a month

clonazpam 1 time every two months

2017 February starting slow taper 1/8 cut down of the Paroxitene 


#6 triplem15

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Posted 17 March 2017 - 12:55 PM

Hey All, I too feel so grateful to be alive. I will admittedly tell you I struggle with the lengthy process. In a window, the inner angst is so much lighter and that is such a blessing. I am working hard, as you all are, to live here, in the now, accepting, all of this. It can be so hard. I am almost 11.5 months into RI and not yet good and steady. Perhaps you might reflect more on what you find helpful to yourself as you continue to go from window to wave. Acceptance, yes, this is hard and it takes s great deal of practice. Over and over. Hoping to get so much better at it.
I do take Flonase,also take Zyrtec on and off. Maybe twice per week. I am on Vit. C, B-complex, Vit. D, selenium, Vit E, fish oil, and l-lysine and thats it. No street drugs. No alcohol. 9/2006 Welbutrin XL 150mg, Began Weaning June 15, 2015, Alternating days, changed each mos. Oct 2015 switch to Immediate release 37.5mg. mid october 2015 down to 18.75, (9.37mg twice daily. stayed there one mos.) Dec 2015 down to 9.37mg in AM and 7mg in PM, January 2016 down to 7mg AM and 4.6mg in PM. 4/5/16 cut down what I thought was 2.5 to 3mg. From 4/16/16 until yesterday, was not doing well. 4/20/16, 37.5mg yesterday for first time. 4/21/16 Two days now on 37.5mg. 4/22/16 took monitors advise and dropped dose to 18.75, split dose ,twice daily, now holding.