Just curious as everyone is making their way through the recovery process, if this is something that anyone else thinks about.
lucky to be alive
Posted 25 January 2017 - 02:11 PM
2009- 10 mg paxil
2010 to 2011- 20 mg citalopram
2013- 150 mg effexor xr, 300 mg by end of 2013; given lorazepam prn up to 3 mg per day
2014- 150 mg welbutin xr added to effexor
2015- successfully tapered off of lorazepam by the end of the year
2016- reduction of effexor from 300, 150, 75, 37.5 from february to august
reduction of welbutrin after effexor by taking every other day for a week, then every 3 days for two weeks until no longer taken by the end of august
due to horrible withdrawal, I tried reintroducing welbutrin back but had an adverse reaction
2017- currently no rx's
Posted 25 January 2017 - 11:22 PM
I do, SpaceCadet. I'm glad you do too - it's a lovely thought to have. Sometimes I think how hard my life is, what I'm missing out on etc, and then I'll stop going down that track and think of the things I still get to enjoy in my life:
- my daughters, husband, deeper relationships with people due to experiencing on-going tough times, dear friends,
- my garden, my dog Phoebe
- just yesterday I came home from my first ever camping trip (only one night, but in a tent with a real camp-cooker and everything!)
- all the new and delicious/strange thoughts that are able to make themselves known to me, due to the amount of time I need to spend resting
I am lucky to be alive indeed .
2010 May Fluoxetine 20mg. Raging mostly stops, become more functional.
2011 February Escitalopram 10mg (sudden switch). 2012 January Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Early June Feeling great, decide to taper. Doc advises alternate days 20mg/10mg for 4 weeks. Late June Steady. Drop to 10mg daily. Early July Not coping, raging, flu symptoms, shaky, anxious, low, spaced-out, self-destructive. Mid July Return to alternate days 20mg/10mg - minimal improvement. Early August Return to full dose 20mg. Lost.
2014 February Switch to Venlafaxine. (First reduced Esc. to 10mg/day for a week) Feb-April Lost, 'light' self-harm, exhausted.
April Increase Ven. to 150mg/day. Dizzy. July 75mg twice a day to improve dizziness. Deep depression remains. 2015 Feb Vigilant dose spacing partially eases dizziness. Mar Switch to Effexor 75mg 2x/day. May Cut 10% to 135mg - bad w/d 2 mths, held 1 mth. Aug 1.3% cut - bad 1mth, held 1mth. Oct 4 wkly 0.4% cuts held 6 weeks. Jan 2016 2 wkly 0.4% cuts. 8 month hold. Sept Wkly cuts: 0.5%, 3 1% cuts. Oct 4 wkly 1% cuts, hold 3-4 weeks.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamins E & C, magnesium, iron, MSM, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. My story of healing: ContinuedHealing
***I am not a doctor or counselor; please do your own research and be prepared to take responsibility for decisions you make.***
'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate.
Posted 05 February 2017 - 12:47 PM
Hoping that that lense will become brighter and brighter with more and more color.
If it wasn't for SA, I don't think I would be alive given the horrendous WDs I had.
For that I feel very lucky to be alive.
Posted 05 February 2017 - 04:48 PM
This notion of being grateful for being alive reminded me of something similar:
During the period aftetr my daughter Monique took her life, I sought desperately for ways to ease the unbearable pain, which felt like a literal, internal physical wound that was almost impossible to bear. I did find release from that feeling--took a few years, but it went away! Meditation, exercise, spiritual reading, connecting with her spirit on the "other side," and--most to the point--the practice of gratitude, all in combination, was what helped lift the dark weight off of me. Somewhere along the way, I heard of the practice iin which you say to yourself, "I am so blessed," no matter how you feel. It's focusing on what we have left, rather than what we've lost. Looking up into the sunshine rather than down into the dirt. It's hard to practice, but it helps when you do.
Psychologist and Psychotherapist
Prozac 20 mg for approx 3 months during 2000, withdrew, no w/d sx
Prozac 10 - 30 mg Jan. 2008 - Dec. 2014
Ritalin 30-40 mg Jan. 2008 - Mar. 2015
W/d sx from Prozac started around 3 months after cessation--crying spells, depressed mood, lethargy; resolved in 8 - 12 mos. post cessation
Used and continue to use a TON of alternative methods--meditation, mindfulness, nutrition. supplements, exercise, etc.
Posted 02 March 2017 - 07:27 PM
Today I feel lucky, having a window, its really lovely after the last few weeks. I really try to focus on appreciation as much as I possibly can. When I feel terrible I listen to youtube speakers and hide but I always try and feed my mind with nourishing content. Unless I am catatonic with distress then its serial killer documentaries, anything to distract myself from pain. I do believe I am lucky to be alive there have been some close shaves during my time on this planet. I guess it makes me who I am today and I more or less like that. I walked my dog yesterday and it was great I am really trying to get off the couch, because I know it is good for me and I really love my connection to nature, man its a mission when all you want to do is hide and read books and eat!!!
things I am appreciating at the moment:
- my lovely wee dog Chester
- new solar panels about to go off grid
- finishing work
- having time to look after myself
- my awesome kids and family
- finding this website!!!
2006 May 40 mg paroxitine for post natal depression until
2010 weaned off on very slow taper 1.5 yrs.
2012 back on paxil 40mgs
2012 august Lamictal at 200mgs
Valium prn at most 2 times a week, normally 1 a month
clonazpam 1 time every two months
2017 February starting slow taper 1/8 cut down of the Paroxitene
Posted 17 March 2017 - 12:55 PM