madmeds1111

madmeds1111: So I took 6 meds in one month and CT all of of them. HELP.....

33 posts in this topic

Good evening. I'm a vet of the US Army and IT student. I've been lurking on this site for about a week and decided to create an account to get some advice. I think I've made a terrible mistake with my mental health and terrified of what may come. I had terrible anxiety at the beginning of this year and took Buspar as needed directed by my VA Doc.This month the insomnia kicked in and my anxiety did as well. My friend gave me a Seroquel for sleep(i know, wrong move) and it knocked me out. The following morning I went to the nearest hospital and admitted myself to the mental ward. They prescribed me 5mg of Paxil and 5mg of Ambien. That night I had the worst nightmare/night terror I've ever experienced. Needless to say I didn't sleep for the rest of that night. I stayed another night and took another 5mg of Paxil before sleep and they sent me on my way. I was given a script for the Paxil and Ambien but never filled them due to my experience. The night that followed, my insomnia became worst and now I was dreaming excessively. I started to hear sounds that weren't there and the insomnia was killing me. I started to get desperate again. I popped one of my traz and it just gave me an anxiety attack. A few days later I then popped a Mirtazphine and just made me sleepy all day. More sides started to appear and nI realized the mess I got myself into. I experience insomnia and excessive dreaming, numbness of face and dry mouth and eyes. My anxiety is there and constant. I have a little bit of dizziness as well. I am beyond scared and need some insight on what to do. I wish I would of found this site sooner. I hope I didn't cause myself brain damage. Any advice would be great. Thank you SA.

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Hi Madmeds, I am sorry to read that you are suffering so badly. So many different drugs over a short space of time has caused quite a reaction. You will get better from this but it will take time for your brain and nervous system to recover. You need to take good care of yourself to allow this recovery. 

Doctors really haven't a clue what to do when someone reats badly to a drug and they attempt to cure it by experimenting with more drugs that make things even worse.  

 

Some things that make this harder for many of us are alcohol, caffeine, artificial sweeteners and fchemical food additives.  Some supplements can make things worse too, such as gaba, St Johns wort and 5htp. Good fresh food, gentle exercise and a good nightime routine are very helpful. Sleep may be a problem for a while, try not to panic about that, panic makes it even harder to sleep. 

 

Many of us find fish oil and magnesium good for a calming the nervous system, and epsom salts baths are brilliant. I recently moved to an apartment that has no bath just a shower and I am really feeling the difference so use a bucket for a foot soak instead. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/?view=findpost&p=100596&hl=magnesium

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

There are many topics on self care that you can read and find info on things that have helped or hindered others, take a look around. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

Remember that this WILL pass and you will get better. It would be best if you never took a psych drug again because you are obviously very sensitive to them. 

 

I hope you start to feel better soon, hang in there and take it one day at a time. Any questions ask away, there will be lots of support here. 

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Thank you for the swift reply MammaP. I'm hoping that this isn't long term and I can return to baseline. I read so many horror stories and I don't want to be another victim of AD. When I recover I will definitely make a new post and help other members through their ordeal.

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Sadly no one can tell how long it will take, but if you take good care of yourself it will help your recovery, Hopefully it will not be too long. Keep us posted how you are doing. 

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soo...my package is not working. It's been a month since my disaster with my CT. How can 48hrs and 10mg of paxil cause so much havoc to my nervous system? I wish I would of found this site before I decided to get off my meds too rapidly. Now my libido is barely hanging on, ED, and loss of visual stimulus. Insomnia is kicking my tale, my appetite is gone, ringing in my ears, weird metal taste in my mouth, dry eyes and mouth, diminished smell and taste, loss of night vision, loss of IQ(memory and spelling is off, pausing mid sentence), Loss of emotions, can't feel music...This is too much. I commend the vets of this site who endured this for years. I read many accounts of this and it's horrific. I can't believe this intensified from 10mg of Paxil. Just typing this short paragraph was tricky, something I never found difficult. It's like my IQ dropped. This is no doubt the hardest thing I've ever had to endure. Do we recover? Do we get our IQ back? sexuality back? Surely this isn't the end? Okay...rant over. Life not. I want my old self back so bad. I don't want to be buried alive.....

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No feedback...I hope theres hope for me. I don't want to commit suicide, it seems like the easy way out....

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You will get better. have faith that you will. I you didn't say what caused the initial anxiety that got you to go to the doctor. That issue might also be contributing to what you are going through. I was in a bad state and was in the hospital in December and am totally functioning now. You will get better too. I will be praying for you.

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Madmeds1111 , I feel your pain , many of us on here have gone and still are going through what you are experiencing, it is truly horrific , I am currently of all medication and have been hospitalised for nearly 9 weeks and you don't want to be in here , I have been put on and taken of so many meds it has caused the same symptoms as what you describe , plus more , all we can do is ride it and give ourself time , I will not put another med in my mouth now no matter how bad it gets , you have to try and except the feelings and some how get through one day at a time , I know it's hard but that's all we can do , use the help on this site to try and find ways to help alleviate any symptoms you can as their is a wealth of knowledge , some people can get away lightly and others suffer immensely but by what I have read people do eventually get better , but it can be a long road , do you have anyone close you can talk to , if not you need to find some more professional help especially if you feel suicidel , but try and avoid more drugs if you can , i have been suffering for many years now but I have realised that adding meds in desperation has only prolonged my suffering and recovery , I wish you well

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Thank you guys so much!! Last night was rough and so was this morning. Was bawling like a baby for I really believed my world was over. It's the hardest thing we have to endure. Somehow, someway there's a way out/back.

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I guess i don't have pssd? it's my anxiety maybe? I can get an erection with my thoughts, was on the phone with my lady friend and totally wanted sex. I'm confused. My test are simi numb. I can still climax and feel good. Minor pain in test, dont have random erections.  Maybe this is an early window? 

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This is harder than I thought... I don't know how much longer I can fight. It's only been a month and the Anhedonia, ringing in my ear, insomnia is killing me. I don't care about the other symptoms. I could live with the others but this one is too much. I thought I was strong. I'm holding on for my lil bro, my parents and the few friends I have. I'm so afraid of oblivion but it's starting to become temping. I don't want to end up in some mental hospital and pretty much have my personality wiped clean from their meds. I never thought I would be here, just a couple of months my life was set up. Now I feel It's over. All I wanted was to be able to settle down and make a living. I want to listen to music again, I want to fall in love again, make love, have children. 

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from all the research i've been doing online, I think I've killed myself from all the meds I've taken. It's amazing what we don't know. I had my whole life ahead of me, I would of never guessed meds would do me in.

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Please amend your signature to show the doses of the drugs you are currently on.  Thank you.

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Hey Madmeds

 

Hang in there man.  i have been doing this for 3 years now and am no stronger than you.  3 years of poor sleep and insomnia, I feel doomed a lot of the time, but i try to keep going forward.   i am 45, but have the same dreams of finding love and making love and having children that you do.   i haven't even been with a women in 15 years, mostly because i developed extreme fatigue and hypersomnia the last 8 years on the pills (zoloft and zyprexa) and hardly ever left my apt..  when i quit them in 2014, i felt alive and like my own man again and began writing a lot ( i do stand up comedy), but the insomnia was so awful and i knew it wasn't terribly good for my body. i now have many  problems with my memory and cognitive abilities from all the sleep deprivation. I used to leave the apt with my fly down or forget what i was talking about in conversations and just stare into the distance saying "um, um, um" while the person i was talking to looked on in concern.     i had the same problems you have had in wd with first mirtzrapine and then trazadone and later ambien.   i took each for a couple days in 2015 and 2016 and only managed 3-4 hrs of sleep and had all day dizziness and cognitive problems again and felt tired the next day without the ability to sleep.  Nowadays, i can function somewhat, but i am exhausted from all the depressed and poor sleep.  

 

Poetjester

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Thanks Poet Jester for the info. I think I'm going to try to reinstate my last dose of Paxil in attempt to bring balance to my symptoms, however I'm terrified because this could make matters worst. I've lost alot of my senses already. 

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Do I have to reinstate all the others as well? 

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Madmeds, I'm so sorry for what happened to you just overnight! It's heartbreaking indeed, like many of us here having life flipped like that.

 

I don't understand your meds details and when you started having what symptoms.

 

Before thinking about what and how much to reinstate, it would be a good idea to figure out what happened after each of the drugs. In general, if you had a reaction to any of the drug and the symptoms are from that, then you would not want to reinstate even you are also having withdrawal now.

 

Giving your med history, I would bet your recovery a rather quick one.

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LexAnger, Hi I was on a very brief round of meds last month. The trazadone and Mirtazphine prob made it worst. All this was within a two week stretch. This withdrawal is intense. From the ringing in my ear, the auditory hallucinations, dry mouth, dry eye, constipation, can't spell correctly, memory is shot, dry skin, losing weight and muscle, can't feel emotions like I used to, PSSD, insomnia, lack of motivation, regret, suicidal, this is getting altitle too much to deal with. I truly hope this passes. 

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I guess everyone knows I'm a ticking time bomb. This is beyond difficult and I can't seem to find peace. I wish i wasn't an idiot when it came to my health. I wish I've known about this site. Feb 13th was the last time I took meds and the effects are still with me. I've lost my sense of smell(diminished) and hearing. Dry mouth and eyes. Lovely tinnitus, insomnia. Guilt, regret and sense of loss from my previous life I had just mere months ago. I'm a shadow of my former self. I just want peace again, good emotions. I don't care about my sexual functioning anymore. I just want peace. I don't want to end it like this. This whole thing is like a nightmare. I wish i would of stayed on the drug and tapered off. I had no idea about this. I can't blame anyone but myself. I committed chemical suicide to my brain and didn't even realize until it was too late. I need a miracle. I want to live. I had a life, dreams, ambitions. I want to reinstate so bad but afraid it could get worst than this..

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madmeds, You're going through a difficult time -- harsh symptoms while finding out there may have been an easier way to discontinue the medications. Almost every person here goes through the regrets and "if only" thoughts.  Please know that it's the fault of the medical profession and of the pharmaceutical manufacturers. It's not your fault that you trusted people who by social and governmental approval have "expert authority." Repeat -- it's not your fault. It's beyond awful that despite having no responsibility for the situation aside from following doctor's advice, you're the one paying the price. 

 

The way through recovery is unpredictable and unpleasant but for those who stay the course, improvement and then full recovery do occur. We emerge stronger and wiser.

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Hi madmeds

 

Sorry to hear of the bad time you are having, its not really clear for your history but how long were you on Buspar and what dose were you taking and did you quit it cold turkey ?

 

Im no expert but i really dont think the other drugs you took once or twice are causing this, was anxiety your only problem before you took Buspar, Do you know why your anxiety started, did you ever have problems with anxiety before, you say you are a us vet did you suffer any traumatic events , or go to war. sorry for all the questions just trying to understand better

 

Stress can bring on anxiety, and guilt and regret can be very damaging trust me i know, try not to obsess to much on guilt and regret it will get you no where only drag you further down, yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery today is all we have

 

Hope you start to feel better soon, when you do start to feel better cbt is supposed to be really good for anxiety, i am on waiting list myself , i dont have a problem with anxiety anymore or at least i havent for a long time but im still going to try cbt

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Thank you guys and yes Chester I CT the Buspar basically. my doc at the va said to take as needed. Anxiety was very much a problem for me. It's crazy I'm having all the symptoms of withdrawal and PSSD to a degree. It's hard to believe that 10mg of Paxil would do this to my system. Hopefully this will all pass. Oh, I was on 15mg of Buspar. The rest of the meds I only taken once. 

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I'm so afraid I've burned the bridge to Homeostasis. I never wanted anything more in this world than to make it back to baseline. 

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If you took a drug once or twice and had a bad reaction to it, im guessing that any doctor would say dont take it again, you wouldnt get withdrawal from taking a drug once, you could have had a bad reaction.

 

Were u taking  Buspar every day ? for how long and when did you last take it.

 

Im thinking you might have a couple of things going on, the anxiety you have had for awhile, how bad is the insomnia, it is important to get enough sleep, i suffer from insomnia also at times, i dont know how others feel about this but i take a sleeping tablet every once in a while if i havent slept for a couple of nights

 

Hope things start improving for you soon im very sure you havent brain damaged yourself, we have all wondered the same thing at some point though   

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Chester, thank you. I'm having symptoms of Pssd. Not too bad, but moderate and mild numbness. What bothers me the most is the lack of good emotions and sleep. If those resolves, I would be super happy. Also my senses are not as strong. I'm sure they will recover soon anyway...I'm hoping. I didn't take buspar everyday. When needed I directed by VA. 

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So i figured out what caused all of this, Buspar. I was already in a Buspar withdrawal. Then I added 5 more drugs on top of that, one being an AP and an SSRI. May God have mercy on me. 

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You have to remember that THIS WILL PASS.  You have had reactions to different drugs that will take time to get over. Some people here have had reactions from just a single dose of a drug.  You have to focus on positive things, any little thing that makes you smile. Post it here, turn it into a story. I once went to the beach and it was really nice to hear the waves. I wrote it down, I think I posted it here. Described every sensation, the sounds, smells and sights. I can remember it now and how beautiful it was.  If I hadn't gone tothe beach I would have stayed home probably in bed and remembered only the pain. 

Look through photos, I love to go through my phone, I can do that anywhere and smile at the memories. Get through each day, one day at a time. 

You will get better and get your life back, this is like having an injury. If you had an accident and suffered serious injury you would need time to recover and need to take care of yourself. Good nutrition and gentle exercise. Accept that it will take time and that time will pass.

 

I highly recommend fish oil and magnesium, they help many of us here. Epsom salts baths, or dead sea salt baths are very calming and the magnesium in them is absorbed through the skin. Take care 

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Thank you Mamma P. 

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This is the closet I've been to suicide in my entire life. All of the failures of my life are coming back at me full force, all at once landing me here with PSSD and the lost of everything good to me including my ex wife. all I do is lay in the bed and sleep. The emotional and physcial pain is too much. Like a vice grip on my brain forcing me to summit and quit. I understand what drives a human to take his own life. It's too much, when a person feels like there's nothing he or she can do. I just want my emotions back, the ability to feel. I've lost that and it's driving me crazy. I'm losing those who are close to me. I've lost so much in a short period of time and I feel like it's my fault. I wish there was a way out of this. Oblivion or pain..I don't want to do this...I don't want to hurt the one's I love, my mother, my father, lil bro. I lost... 

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Hey Madmeds

 

Have your tried reinstating the paxcil or buspar at all? I know it sounds like a bad deal, but a lot of people have been able to pull themselves out of the withdrawal hole through reinstatement. You are still young. you should be out living your life, not thinking about ending it.

 

Poetjester

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MM I an sad to see that you are feeling so bad. Please try to talk to someone face to face, a counsellor or friend, or one of the helplines. There are also some online chat places where you can live chat with consellors. We are not trained to work with people who are suicidal and face to face really is the best therapy. We have a list of places throughout the world that are available. If you try one that isn't right for you, try another. Hang in there, this will pass. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7619-for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal/

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Hey Madmeds

 

Have your tried reinstating the paxcil or buspar at all? I know it sounds like a bad deal, but a lot of people have been able to pull themselves out of the withdrawal hole through reinstatement. You are still young. you should be out living your life, not thinking about ending it.

 

Poetjester

PJ, Madmeds is not suffering from withdrawal because of tapering too fast nut was given too many drugs in a few weeks. Reinstatement would be very unlikely to help  because of adverse reactions.  

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Hey MM!

I' m so sorry to hear what you've been through.  It sounds like you are one of those people who should never ever take any of these drugs.  It may have to do with how you metabolize them.

 

While you had several shakeups in a short period of time, you didn't take much of any single drugs.  Think of it as mud and water - each time you changed drugs, you put it in the paint-shaker again.  It will take awhile for contents to settle and separate into their components of clear water and mud at the bottom again.

 

Was bawling like a baby

 

This is a good sign - it's a window past the anhedonia (numbness, uncaring, unfeeling).  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation-emotional-numbness/

 

Symptoms come in Windows and Waves.  They change and morph, as different systems heal.  Imagine a complex roadworks, and how it takes time to re-route traffic over each phase of construction.  Demolition of the old, grading, re-bar, pouring concrete, changing the signals, the lanes.  You go through the intersection several times, and each time it is slightly different.

 

Now, make it more complex - your brain is thousands of times more complex than a roadwork.  Sometimes it will be your digestion, sometimes your cognitive function, sometimes sex.  Sometimes your nerves might feel like they are firing too easily, sometimes they might feel numb.  Maybe your sleep is better at some times than others.  Maybe you become sensitive to sound, light, certain foods.  Listen to your body, and let it tell you what to do.  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

 

You may also be helped by reading these topics.  Knowledge is power, and the more you understand about what is happening to you, the more you are able to bear it.http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/

Some cartoons that explain it very well:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8631-withdrawal-dialogues-encouragement/

 

I hope you see the sun today!


 

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